While making my way down the hall toward my eldest son’s room, I switched hats from parenting a pre-schooler to ‘counseling’ a ‘preteener’, suggesting that by the time I’d sat down on the edge of Barry’s bed, ready to listen to whatever my eleven year old had overheard at camp, my thinking cap was on straight as though to remind me to focus on the fact that when sex is the topic at hand much of that which kids perceive of as factual proves to be misinformation in need of reclarification, and with that said—
Decades later, I still chuckle over the ease with which conjecture had led my son’s processor to connect two dissimilar situations into a prime example of a self deluding train of thought in need of switching tracks.
As it turns out, older kids (counselors?) had been discussing wet dreams when my eleven year old approached the group. Once a younger camper had joined in the mix, the covert nature of this particular conversation dried up. So being that the human brain is instinctively programmed to fill-in-the-blanks, here’s the train of thought that my child’s inexperienced (naively innocent) processor surmised on its own:
Sometimes I wake up from
A dream with drool all over
My pillow, and that means
I had a wet dream—
Right, Mom?
Though my son’s reasoning stimulated my
Urge to laugh-out-loud, I managed to
Restrain my natural reaction so as to set
The record straight in such a calm manner as to
Offer up a logic based, detailed response so that
My son would feel only the painless element of
Surprise as his processor was gently led to
Understand that a wet dream, being
Sexual in nature, has nothing to do with
Awakening to a drool drenched pillow, and thus
Do we come to see that the little his processor had
Overheard at camp had served to whet my child’s
Natural sense of intrigue to call forth
Imagination, which, having relied upon
Conjecture to fill in the blanks, had cooked up
A train of thought that fed his inexperienced
Intelligence reason to believe that his curiosity had been
Satiated once his think tank had rustled up
A scrambled sense of food for thought, which
Remained in a half baked state until
He’d arrived home where his brain’s intuitive need for
Validation felt free and clear to ask questions without
Fearing that his youthful vulnerability would be
Publicly ridiculed or shamed or shut down, all of which
Inhibits a child’s voice from seeking to gain the mental clarity
Necessary to switch tracks away from secretly
Harboring self deluding trains of misinformation, over long
And thus has this example of my son’s runaway
Train of thought served to heighten
Your awareness (and mine) of our need to consider
How often our youngsters feel need to place
Their faith in receiving guidance from adults who have
Developed an intuitive sensitivity toward inspiring
Young minds to enhance a self confident stance of
Creative resourcefulness by adopting an attitude of
Mental ‘preparedness’ to readily approach each
Next stage of life with a healthy frame of mind concerning
The fact that each time patience and courage go hand in
Hand, fear of the unknown can be whittled down in
Size no matter what surprise fate serves up next, because
Otherwise fear, left on its own, narrows a thought processor’s
Ability to call upon I maginative creativity to ‘think out of the box’
And when that’s the case, children tend to grow into
Anxious adults, who have no conscious clue that
They feel need to develop a false front (persona) to mask
Insecurities lurking defensively behind subconscious walls of
Denial as had proved true of of me until I came to reflect over
My life so as to become ever more self aware of this fact:
My creative center (serving as a role model for my sons) has
Enjoyed sound reason to challenge my intelligence to overcome
Fear by thinking out of the box so often, as to encourage
Me to relax my tendency to lean toward insecure
Reactiveness while imparting bite sized morsels of
Knowledge concerning deeper truths that
Most others consider ‘secrets’ that feel too complex for
Parents to discuss openly and clearly with a child whose
Inquisitive intelligence is demonstrating readiness to
Digest another healthy mouthful of information, and
Hopefully, today’s complex train of thought has clarified
The reason why a parent who chooses to grow ever more
Self aware is likely to lead his/her offspring to build
Bridges, together, so as to approach whatever surprise
Lies directly ahead in such a calm, cooperative fashion as
Would a ‘couple’ of intelligent friends, both of whom have
Taken the time to embrace the enduring value of this
Positively focused attitude: Two heads, facing in
The same direction, intent upon build emotionally
Secure bridges, are likely to reach life’s finish line
Hand in hand more often than proves true of
Two heads, whose attitudes grow ever so bullish as to
Butt horns based in one person’s defensive
Need to maintain a position of power by subtly putting down
The young buck, whose naked vulnerability is seen blowing
Rebelliously in the wind until such time as their positions reverse
No doubt—Art Linkletter would have had a ball interviewing preteens who’d been raised in a home where all aspects of life had been discussed openly within an atmosphere of emotional maturity, which embraces an elemental awareness of unabashed honesty laced with kindness.
Upon reflection, I’ve come to see my determination to create a safe emotional atmosphere within our home where all ages experienced sound reason to absorb my sense of respect for the fact that knowledge, accountability and consequences go hand in hand in hand so as to provide a learning environment in which conversations (proving age appropriate for the most part) served to enrich everyone’s mind to one extent or another, being that a preteen mind and a nine year old mind (that felt naturally challenged to go toe to toe with his older brother’s development) existed at one end of the spectrum, while at the other end of the spectrum, we all observed the intelligence of a tyke on a trike, challenging himself to catch up with his dueling super heros on dirt bikes, whom he’d so clearly adored that if we raise our antennae so as to listen attentively, we’d hear little guy’s heart jingling aloud with: Hey Shazam and Superman—kindly wait for me!
On the other hand, it's neither enriching nor funny to witness misinformed adults hammering away at their children’s heads having no clue that their own assumptions, opinions and negatively focused judgements may be based in conjecture rather than facts, suggesting that they remain blind to those times when they’ve sliced and diced deeper truths into ribbons thus being guilty of having passed misinformation from one generation to the next. Each time a misinformed adult passes a negatively charged ‘belief’ on to offspring (friends, family and co-workers), as being factual, we behold the bitterness of gossip overriding generosity of spirit, which is based in an attitude of kindness that naturally offers others the benefit of the doubt.
When my four year old turned five, he, having absorbed factual conversations between two preteen-aged brothers, found himself the precocious recipient of TMI ... and as you shall soon see, there was no doubt about that ...
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