95 SSW BOOK ONE END FIRST KISS Part 1: AH! SWEET MYSTERY OF LIFE ...

IF INSIGHT INTO ANNIE'S INNER LIFE AT THE MOMENT OF HER FIRST KISS SPOTLIGHTS A QUESTION IN NEED OF AN ASTUTE ANSWER THEN WHAT, ‘PREY’ TELL, MIGHT BE THE ILLUSIVE QUESTION IN NEED OF ANSWERING?  

First of all, the illusive question relates to the deeply repressed state of Annie’s primary inner conflict:  To retreat from identifying and confronting spikes of latent anxiety or to muster the courage necessary to patiently identify and openly confront and expunge each emergent spike of subconscious fear, once and for all—that is the question at hand...

If we know the answer to that question suggests Annie’s need to muster the courage and patience necessary to calm spikes of anxiety in hopes of awaiting the natural emergence of an intuitive sense of courageous readiness to advance in the face of fear then— 

What is THE problem? 

THE problem, in Annie’s case, is twofold:

At the age of twelve, Annie had no clue whatsoever of the importance of differentiating a sudden spike in anxiety based in a near and present danger closing in from the re-emergence of yesteryear’s unresolved fears stalking her current peace of mind. 

Secondly, fate did not gift Annie’s intuitive readiness with time to advance naturally, step by step, at her own pace.  At least not at the age of twelve when sexual readiness in need of ripening was in question.   Why not?

Because, each time the advancement of sexual experimentation is offered to Annie at an age-appropriate stage of her life, an upsurge of fearful-confusion based in inner conflict will arouse this young girl’s survival instinct to cross wires with her brain’s natural pleasure center’s desire to taste young love’s first kiss, and the fact that Annie has no conscious clue whatsoever of the fact that her subconscious arousal of wrestle-mania stands guard to shadow box with fears repressed, concerning sex, offers her self awareness not even  one memory of having suffered repeatedly within the clutches of a predatory pedophile; sooo— resultant of Annie’s highly combustible, deeply repressed state of negatively charged sexual energy stimulating sudden strikes of latent anxiety to spike, we are about to see what happens when her processor’s defensive reactions, peaking simultaneously with Joseph’s, crash, like a pair of cymbals, so discordantly as to offer us sound reason to surmise that once anxiety abounds all around, two heads are not better than one—and with today's string of insights clearly stated here it comes, at last—TRUE LOVE’S FIRST IMPASSIONED KISS:

While standing in the alley, staring down at Annie (whose love struck, dark lashed, blue eyes are undeniably locked into his), a strong young man, suddenly blushing furiously, blurts out:  Annie—Bob is having a party (their classmates’ first ever boy and girl date party), and I want you to go with me. 

Needless to say, Annie can't believe her ears.  In fact, she can hardly breathe! First of all,  she's never been to a boy and girl party.  Secondly, a subconscious flashback of male hysteria sweeping through a van aiming insult in her direction floods her current state of mind with unresolved anxiety, darting into and out of a sweet girl’s shocked-to-max processor so fast as to set her blood 'arushin' through her body, leaving any vestige of comprehension reeling with disbelief concerning the remote possibility of this tall, handsome, popular Leader of the Pack choosing Miss Piggy as his first date, leaving doe-eyed, long legged Hillary and gorgeous from head to toe Viv to fade from his mind whenever Annie’s nearness fills his heart with bliss??? ... on the other hand—

*As long as these wondrous moments of suspended animation leave a pair of brains fated to feel flash frozen within The Land of Heartfelt Enchantment, all connection to logic flies out of both heads suggesting that we're about to observe:

A nice boy with nerves a-jangling and a good girl, seen swooning, swept so wholly under first love's magic spell as to be unable to communicate so much as one word that makes any sense, at all, until, silence, lasting over long, rankles his fear of  rejected affection to spike, suggesting his tenderness for Annie ducking for cover, exposing only explosively combustible emotion readying itself to blow any last fragment of composure to kingdom come—as proves classic whenever love’s magic spell, holding two minds hostage, over long, stimulates anxiety to pierce both hearts to the core so as to unleash at least one strangled voice to spit out defensive words such as these: 

 Annie-do-you-wanna go-with-me-or-not?

As Annie’s processor remains wordless, reeling within her very own, oxygen deprived, spellbound state of shock (how can this miracle be happening to anyone as unattractive as me?), Joseph's boyish hopes, churning defensively into angst darken the whole of his mind so that his sapphire star struck eyes, suddenly flashing with red hot fiery humiliation, fuels his voice to sputter sharply:  

Oh—just forget it!   

At this, Annie’s dazed and confused intelligence stirs just enough to blurt out:  Wait!  I wanna go with you! 

With relief surging hotly through him, Joseph’s build up of cross-wired emotional tension lunges forth, and grasping  Annie's shoulders, he impulsively yanks a dizzied girl against the length of his body—offering us a bird’s eye view of this soon to be star-crossed pair engaging in their very first preteen bear hug, ever, inspiring a twelve year old, man-sized child to pull his head back just enough to plant True Love's First Kiss possessively onto his (brain dead) sweetheart's lips as though marking her his.  

I wish my next words were:  Then, smiling shyly up at Joseph, Annie's spirit sights the blue bird of happiness landing on her shoulder in readiness to guide both lad and lass toward cloud nine, where they can clearly be seen holding hands, sipping sodas, going steady, being crowned prom queen and king and growing up to live happily ever after (and their children will, too). THE END ... 

Unfortunately that last ride through fantasyland is not what reality has in store for this inexperienced pair as you shall soon see.

Instead of watching these love birds soar up to cloud nine, we’ll witness throes of impassioned reactions splashing repressed angst, back and forth, and being that neither of these tussling preteens has any clue as to how to regain, much less help one another to maintain control over each other's deeply confounding, snow-balling avalanche of repressed emotional release, things go straight from bad to worst! 

 As I'm sure you're feeling over ready to see Annie's spontaneous reaction to Captain Hormone's impassioned lip lock, please stay tuned to this channel so as to absorb what happens next, showcasing the little that we can see of emotions running amuck neath the surface of conscious awareness, which is why all hell is about to break loose once this matched set of preteen reactors is fated to slip slide straight down from seven minutes in heaven toward The End of the worst ‘first love’ scene, ever— 

Good Lord—if only Socrates or The Bard had really been soaring overhead, puppy love might have enjoyed at least a light-spirited romp—  

—and if fate had not the heartfelt compassion to conjure up the spirit of one sage or the other, couldn't Cupid, cycling by, have aimed his bow just a bit higher than both hearts so as to shoot a pair of dizzied minds with a bit of knowledge concerning subconscious demons on the loose dueling over 'whose on first'?  Geez! If all the world's a stage then how often must thee and I embody the leads in Romeo and Juliet, Much Ado About Nothing, Othello Or Grease? 

For heaven sake, must egocentric misunderstandings rattle the brains of every young couple, from one generation to the next, including those who marry only to separate at a later date, thus unconsciously injecting their repressed angst into the deeply confused hearts and minds of their kids???  If knowledge empowers change for the better then why isn't someone—who's undertaken a personal quest to understand what's classically going wrong in home after home—sending taste tests of this vital info into cyberspace?  Oh—wait!  That would be me!

WHEN IS REPETITION NOT REDUNDANT?

Dear friends,
Though I’m sure you know that whence a few days pass without a new train of thought showing up that means my intuition has been guiding my intelligence to continue to improve the last train of thought by clarifying insights released for public consumption before they were fully baked or complete, which is why you may choose to consider additional strings of insight, which, having been plugged only recently into those already penned, are respectfully awaiting your perusal  before my storyteller intuits my processor's readiness to move the true tale of first lip lock forward ...
Yours truly
Annie

BOOK ONE CHAPTER 3 FIRST KISS Part 12 If Only The Spirits of Sages Could Really Fly Down From On High To Save Each Of Us From Ourselves

Looks like my ode to young-love-gone-wrong was
Half baked—I say that because
Today’s train of thought feels stoked with
Intuitive need to tunnel back into the oven as
Though in readiness to convey
Additional insights, which are about to
Melt ever so deeply into
Those that proved piping hot for
Public consumption, yesterday
So—all aboard—here we go—

If only the spirits of sages on
High had stopped by to
Visit while Annie and Joseph
Had been standing in
The alley staring into
Each other's eyes
This one act play
Would have offered
A happily ever after ending to
Their story ...

I know this to be true
Because the voice of wisdom
Would surely have said:
Hello, Annie and Joseph
My name is Socrates and
Standing next to me is my pal The Bard
And since we're mighty glad to meet
A pair of kids as nice as you, we’ve swooped
On down to ensure that your love, being
Heaven sent, rings true for all time

So please listen up and
Pay close attention to that which
The experiential wisdom of sages (passed
Down through the ages) feels need to clarify
For every next generation of
Youngsters, who, left stewing over repressed fear
And anger, tend to pave their paths with
Hard knocks, which, over time, transform
Smart hearts into boulder sized, self defeating
Rocks, which pound soothing words of love into dust 

If at this point in time you’re still yearning for true love that
Permeates a pair of tender hearts so deeply as to
Last through thick and thin, forever and a day then
Wisdom suggests that you’ve likely experienced
Sound reason to set out upon a brain-quest with
Courage and patience leading a host of inner
Strengths to carve out an existential path upon which
The emergence of insight-laden intuition discovers
Subconscious patterns of self defeating thoughts, which
Quick as lightening strikes, flash in and out of our minds

Each time repressed patterns of (self defeating) thoughts
Dart through our minds quick as lightening strikes, our
Brains jumpstart a surge of negatively charged energy
(Based in painful insecurities, buried alive), to arise as if
A ghost-like presence of doom and gloom, looming overhead
Darkkens today’s possibilities of achieving success by
Haunting our current state of mind with shadowy visions of
Beloved, yet austere, authority figures casting harsh 
Assessments at a good child’s minor transgressions before we’d
Grown so bold as to have developed a voice of our own

Children put down too harshly for failing to meet unrealistic
Parental expectations of perfection absorb perfectionistic
Aspirations of their own, and as long as yesteryear’s
Harsh assessments remain unexamined, our
‘Marred’ reputations prove too painfully confounding for
The processors of good kids to fathom with clarity intact
Resulting in our brains’ unconscious absorption of
Self disparaging self assessments, swirling round inside
Our heads, dizzying intelligent adult minds to mistakenly
Perceive of every self degrading misperception as factual

In order to expose and expunge classic insecurities to which
We remain blind and deaf as long as they remain secreted
From conscious awareness beind our egos’
Self protective personas, we’d be wise to grow
Ever more aware of sighting those times when our
Intuitive powers are guiding our dizzied intelligence to
Muster the tag team of patience and courage to
Dive ever more deeply into our psyches’ innermost
Sanctums, where sparks of negatively-charged energy ignite
Spikes of static anxiety that tap into basic survival instincts

Each time an intuitive quest for existential freedom arouses
Basic survival instincts as though to signal self awareness of
Hot spots of yesteryear’s unresolved anger and fear rubbing 
Anxiously against each other, emotional friction feels so electrically
Charged as to fuel the conscious portion of our brains to reel with
Subconscious reactivity that feels so explosive as to need to be
Identified, released, understood and relieved, at long last
Clearing our minds of emotional combustion so as to free our creative
Intelligence to do more than fight, flee or freeze (as dictated by
Basic instincts) once brains are calm, intuition kicks in with a plan

As self defeating insecurities surface (releasing
Repressed vulnerabilities, held captive behind our
Sgos’ protective personas) a self soothing trickle of
Humility will serve to soften harsh self assessments
Absorbed unconsciously during youth’s rough patches
And once we choose to salve emotional pain, long
Repressed, with a self nurturing sense of compassion
Sadly denied to yesteryear’s deeply confounded child
Our personal quest to self heal begins to meet with success

Each time your sense of compassion (concerning
Youthful transgressions) consciously soothes your
Injured ego’s burning sense of humiliation from
Arising and flaring beyond humility, your processor
Calms so naturally as to peacefully re-evaluate and
Recalibrate your inner strengths and vulnerabilities with
A growing sense of objective clarity that accompanies
Hindsight’s heightening degrees of emotional maturity, which
(Having calmed your basic instincts’ need to
Fight Flee or Freeze to save your life) frees—guess what?

Each time your heightened sense of emotional maturity
Makes sound use of your conscious Line of Self Control so as
Not to beat yourself up upon reflecting over past mistakes in
Judgement, your processor’s insight-laden power of
Intuitive thought is freed to spotlight additional insecurities, which
Prove in need of repair, long overdue, and thus does each forward
Step taken upon life’s four staged path, which we all tread, see
Everyone questing (whether we know it or not) for existential freedom
From self conceived disparagement in hopes that we’ll turn a corner
Where, much to our delight, change for the better awaits our arrival

Once outdated insecurities emerge, clearing your windpipe of
Untruths, which made it hard to breathe, healthy space is created
Within the well spring of your mind (and mine) to fully oxygenate
Positively focused attitudes concerning intuitive need to expand
Our capacity to embrace (and then consciously tame) natural
Emotional reactions, which we were taught to revile, and once
Our spectrum of acceptable emotional reactions expands ever
More clearly and peacefully into our processors than ever before
Guess what feels naturally pieced together and healed,?
The wholesome existential beings whom we were meant to be!

Once a lasting sense of mental clarity replaces your
Swirling sense of inner conflict concerning subconscious
Bouts of unresolved insecurities crashing into fact based
Self assurances, spikes of latent anxiety transform
Naturally into peaceful attitudes graced with
Self respectful high self-esteem, which boosts
Not boasts) a fully charged, courageous sense of positively
Focused self confidence that flips the lid off of our hearts'
Half full cups, freeing renewed feelings of wholesomeness to
Strengthen so as to last through our lives for this reason:

As each one’s whole heart wells up with
A growing capacity for offering and
Absorbing love with an expansive sense of
Generosity of spirit than had
Ever felt possible before, self protective
Defensive reactiveness, which proves egocentric, relaxes, and
Guess what kicks in?  Endless strings of insight-laden intuition
Suggesting why classic trains of thought throughout the ages
Suggesting that everything and everyone is
Connected have always been on target, after all!

So—if your processor wishes to visit with a pair of
Sages from on high, thus inspiring your imagination to
Experience the mystical nature of this step by step
Mental transformation for yourselves then
What’s to stop your intelligence from setting out upon
A self-motivated adventurous quest toward re-adjusting your
Misconceived self perceptions, right now, so that rather than
Feeling attacked from within by latent bouts of unresolved anxiety
Spiking, You, too, can free your heart to rejoice while openly welcoming
The sweetest taste of True Love's first kiss free of fear—at long last

And that my friends is the wondrous state of
Enchantment which would have released a pair of
Mortal spirits to soar up to Cloud 9 had two friendly sages
Namely Socrates and The Bard winged down so as to wave
Magic words of Wisdom over the flash frozen dizzied heads of 
Annie and Joseph BEFORE FIRST KISS Part 13 exposes
Sound reason as to why a tender hearted love struck
Lad and lass are about to crash head on into
An emotionally fired up, all reactors blazing
Painfully humiliating mega melt down on center stage

Alas—
As you must
Have surmised ...
Thee shalt not
Witness
Bliss
At the end of
FIRST KISS
For these
Three reasons:

As Annie is twelve, she, Socrates and The Bard

Will not meet up for

Quite some time ...
As for Joseph befriending
Socrates and The Bard
Well—your guess if their paths had crossed
Is as good as mine ...
Bottom line—preteen brains are hard wired
To feel naturally, explosively emotionally reactive
Rather than being reflectively deeply introspective

So—If
Young love's first kiss is not
Fated to delight
A star-struck pair of preteen hearts
Then—now that I’ve consciously prepared
My bout with latent anxiety to relax—let's
Take a look at what will go wrong right after
Joseph's budding passion for Annie wells up
Splashing a natural build up of
Impassioned emotion all over their very first lip lock ...

(And as the same is true of the well spring of words that
Splashes out of my brain, I sure could use an editor! :-)