DON QUIXOTE

Over these past few days, my blog has gotten
So few hits as to make me believe that whatever
I’ve felt need to write, this week, has not been
In keeping with what people want to read ... so
With that thought in mind, what’s the first thing I do?
I remind myself that being true to myself
Has, over time, become my primary reason for writing whatever
Pops naturally out of the intuitive portion of my mind

As my energy is still sub-existent
I wonder if stress may be adding
A new dimension to the fact that my spirit, which
Feels too heavy to lift, remains at half mast at best, and
If you ask why I’m thinking that stress is stressing me out
I’d rely:  The flu is no longer moving misery throughout
My body, system by system, but I still can’t muster
The inner strength necessary to confront reality as
It has proved to be, during these past several weeks when
Several family members have had need to slay
Personal, fire breathing dragons, and as
One family member in particular (whose misery remains
Undiagnosed) has been very ill while I’ve not yet regained
The mental fortitude to muster a positively focused, courageous
Attitude to face off with the great unknown, which has been
Hanging heavy on my spirit since the first of the year, I have
Gained insight into my inability to smite down dragons that
The fates choose to place as hurtles upon each of
My loved ones’ personal paths, and my conscious awareness of
That deeper truth suggests personal growth on the part of
My retired fixer, who still feels need to rail against feeling so
Helpless as to make mincemeat of my peace of mind, and
That deeper truth turns the spotlight of insight upon
Today’s intuitive train of thought:
I must admit that whenever a serious as yet undiagnosed illness
Threatens a person I love, my spirit’s host of inner strengths tend to
Deflate as fast as the reemergence of subconsciously repressed fear
Drags my body back in time, catalyzing spiking anxiety to strike though
Visual memory of the suddenness of my seemingly healthy
Grandpa’s demise in the prime of middle aged life followed only
Weeks later by my seemingly healthy baby sister’s utterly
Unexpected, tragic death does not manifest within
My conscious mind, leaving seventy-four year old me blind to
This next deeper truth until a magical flash of insight, acting like
X-ray-vision, penetrates my defense system’s wall of denial, releasing
My mindful spirit’s host of inner strengths to dive so courageously
Straight into the vortex of the bottomless pit of my
Personal hellhole so as to spotlight and scoop up terror stricken
Three year old me, who upon being saved by seventy four year old me
Found herself being set down to stand with go th feet replanted on
Solid ground so fertile with self cleansed thoughts as to have
Emerged, guilt free, from my life-long, spirit sucking
Darkest nightmare to feel the lightness of inner peace suffusing
Straight into and throughout the very core of a sweet, three year
Old child’s purely innocent, positively focused soul, and thus did
I awaken feeling miraculously unscathed, unscarred, and no longer
Terrorized from within, feeling helplessly overwhelmed by
Human vulnerability, rendering me unable to douse
Each next dragon’s fire other than openly confronting
My own demons, most pointedly as I courageously find myself
Advancing, step by step, through old age knowing that
My whole life will not fall apart as had felt true at three, if
I can’t currently, singlehandedly save my loved ones from
Experiencing an untimely death ... and I say untimely for
This reason:  My heart cried aloud, and my spirit
Saddened immeasurably; however my inner strengths
Did not deflate, depress, flail angrily around or fail me when
My beloved parents succumbed to death at
Advanced ages, suggesting, once again that hindsight offers
The mind’s eye flashes of insight, sparking this connection to
Foresight:  Just as the arousal of my human limitations stimulates
The reemergence of yesteryear’s feelings of personal unworthiness
My conscious quest for peace of mind during highly stressed
Moments in time proves to be yet another impossible dream to
Achieve as has been true of my subconscious need to
‘Prove’ myself worthy of love by single-handedly solving
Problems and conflicts, which were (and are) beyond
My personal control to resolve, and
Having highlighted today’s insight-driven awareness
My power of intuitive thought has turned its spotlight toward:
Another personal quest that holds me apart from mirroring
Don Quixote, the self anointed knight, who, armored with
Sword in hand, readied himself to do battle with the windmill:
I continue to quest to grow ever more courageously c
Clear sighted and conscientiously aware of seeing myself as
I am rather than as my ego needs to believe myself to
Be, suggesting that my quest to grow ever more clearly
Courageously aware so as to
Overpower subconscious fear whenever life’s harshest realities
Threaten to bite chunks out of my personal connection to
Safety, and thus do personal growth spurts direct
My think tank to sheath my sword in favor of
Holding my mirror aloft so that my maturing connection to
Clarity can openly reflect the scardy cat that still exists behind
The persona within which I cloak vulnerabilities that
My ego ‘thinks’ best to hide from me, suggesting
That when it comes to erecting and defending my own wall of
Denial, infallible I am not; on the other hand, I do not confront
A coward staring back from my mirror, suggesting that
Whenever I find my subconscious fears wrestling for
Dominance over today’s emotionally matured connection to
Courage, you’ll watch my intelligence work toward
Regaining my sense of inner balance by
Consciously acknowledging the fact that, once again
Opposing sides of my nature are vying for control over
My decision maker, one round at a time, and just as
I’d not expect super human strength of any other
Human being, perhaps tis way past time for
My connection to wholeness to ask
Less of myself during those rounds when
My personal strength of courage takes a hit so hard as to
Free fear to come close to punching out my lights...
I mean if, during dark times of inner conflict, I remind my
Personal strengths to brainstorm with
My human limitations toward a win/win, then
Common sense will referee, declaring a tie between
Fear and courage, and by having taken a time out to
Regain my consciously rebalanced reconnection to
Emotional composure, I’ll strengthen my inner resolve
To remember to ‘know’ when (and with whom) to
Openly admit to personal vulnerabilities without
Worriedly disparaging my self worth
In fact, having worked to advance my thought process to
Land upon this place of emotional maturity where
Deeper truth concerning  both sides of my nature are
Fearlessly acknowledged and embraced actually shines
The spotlight of insight upon yet another inner strength