My mind is a mysterious place, most especially for this reason:
Each time an unnamed change begins to percolate deep within my brain
(Like the one referenced within a stream of conscious thought
Several posts back), I've become aware of my intuitive voice hinting of
Readiness to convey a secret I keep from myself through
My wall of denial, and here's why my conscious awareness feels that
To be true, right now: Peace of mind is no longer mine.
In fact, instead of feeling like my self-confident-self, I feel like
A stranger to myself, and since feeling threatened by stranger danger
Alerts my adrenal glands to flood my bloodstream with adrenalin
I feel compelled, during this stage of unidentified change (which strips
My persona of self confidence), to lift the curtain, revealing my need to
Confront the nakedness of my present sense of vulnerability, and
My reluctance to bare my vulnerability to myself (much less to anyone
Other than those who demonstrate concern for my well being) leaves me
Feeling anxious about exposing my uncertain state of mind to the world
And though I know better than to allow this sense of defensiveness to usurp
Control over my think tank, I can't help but feel as though danger is lurking
Outside of my front door, lying in wait to spring forth and swallow me whole
Thank goodness, my well developed sense of logic has begun to rebalancing
My emotional reaction by coaching my conscious awareness to
Calm down rather than exacerbating my desire to temporarily
Cocoon myself until this natural reaction to tunneling, intuitively, ever
More deeply into the darkness of the great unknown, stored within
File #3 (which occupies more brain space than we might think), actually
Unveils another (as yet) unidentified self defeating attitude, which today's
Stream of intuitive thought is actively conveying toward
My conscious awareness by traveling from dark to light, and during this process
In which my energy source is electrically stimulating negativity to transform into
Positivity, I can feel anxiety, which elevates in direct proportion to
The amount of adrenalin that my survival instinct continues to pump through
My bloodstream, beginning to level off, suggesting that rather than
Giving free rein to my internal need to fight, freeze or flee
Ive consciously begun to summon my Line of Control to calm down
My brain stem's defense system, which is hard wired to fear (and thus
Resist) any unnamed change, and as my power of intuition has stepped up to
The plate, reminding my think tank to release and reconsider
The string of insights, above, from File #2, my choice to think smart on the spot
Before anxiety hijacks my thought processor by spiking beyond my control, is
Certain to shine a spotlight on this next insight, which always brightens
My conscious awareness with need to reconsider a deeper truth that quickens
The progress of whatever change for the better is currently processing from
Subconscious memory by way of this intuitive train of thought toward
Conscious awareness: Whenever I feel adrenalin racing through
My bloodstream, tis time to power up the courageous attitude that
Proves necessary to coax my emotional reactiveness to sit its defensive stance
In time out until today's unidentified inner conflict stops confounding
My sense of clarity, so that my solution seeker, regaining its calmed sense of
Wholeness, can reclaim its self confident attitude, which stops anxiety from
Running interference with my intuitive power's natural ability to quietly
Brainstorm its way through this turbulent stage of unnamed change until
A childhood experience, which had wounded my self esteem, filters out of
Subconscious Memory File #3, as though all on its own ... And while this
Current mental process toward change for the better inches forward, one
First down at a time, I'll coach myself to soothe any natural spike in
Anxiety by breathing so deeply as to re-oxygenate my lungs until
Such time as my consciously enhanced sense of wholeness welcomes
Insight into change for the better with the self reliant attitude that's
Actually spreading a smile across my face, right now, for this reason:
This current stream of insights has deepened my comprehension of
What is meant by the calm before the storm, and the fact that that change
For the better processed through my think tank during this anxiety-producing
Stage of mental metamorphosis suggests that today's train of intuitive thought
Has empowered my self confident solution-seeker with sound reason to
Shine so brightly as to dim fear of the unknown, which tends to cast
Dark shadows of self doubt across our existential paths until sparks of insight
Highlighting sure footed stepping stones, guide us toward transforming
Mental strain (resultant of deviating from conventional trains of thought) into
Positively focused gain by refueling positive attitudes that tame
Anxious reactions, which commonly escalate, naturally, unless our brains
Have been coached to listen for intuitive patterns of thought that coax us to
Tolerate anxiety so as to continue tunneling inward in hopes of offering
Our conscious minds the gift of insight's spotlight specifying
Which inner conflict from the past is emerging in its unprocessed state, and
Each time I remind myself to tolerate anxiety, my conscious awarenesss
Brightens with need to absorb this difficult truth more deeply than ever before:
Eventually, the futility of feeling bound to conventional thought drains my spirit of
Energy just as my heart muscle feels strained from on-going pain without gain ...
And if you ask: Annie what makes you perceive of that mind-bender, right now?
I'd reply: Even the most positively focused brain stores a warehouse of
Unprocessed inner conflicts behind a wall of denial, and each time one of those
Unprocessed inner conflicts filters into your conscious mind or mine, confounding
Pangs of unhealed pain are released (with greater frequency than
Conscious awareness can know), and it's at those times when intuition
Must call forth a diverse set of inner strengths (tools) so that if one doesn't
Coax a painful (reoccurring) negative attitude to fully emerge from behind our
Defense system's wall of denial then another tool may be employed to do
The trick of coaxing multiple wounds to self esteem, which are still festering
Subconsciously, to process through conscious awareness, one by one, until
Repressed rage, tapping into self-defeating attitudes (like ducks, lining up
In a row) is exposed, and once unprocessed rage is exposed, guess what resolves?
Re-occurring headaches, stomach aches, back aches, pain-in-the-necks, rashes
Eye ticks, clenched jaws, teeth grinding. (All caused by tightened
Muscles, symptomatic of suppressed anxiety, which encroaches upon inner peace)
You see, each time another 'piece' of unprocessed rage is exhumed, identified
Understood and healed, sound reason exists to relax inner tension, thus
Naturally relieving pain, stored subconsciously, once and for all!
Ye Gads! Today's intuitive train of thought make me wonder:
How many negatively focused jumping beans use our minds as trampolines?
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