And taming subconscious hot buttons, which would otherwise, upon being
Pushed, reawaken yesteryear's sleeping dogs, whose bark runs interference with
Clarity's connection to logic, I've also learned why naming and taming
Childhood's unprocessed fears does not equate with living stress free:
It's natural for daily life to irritate our conscious awareness with current worries that
Feel less like stinging bees, more like pesky flies, buzzing around in our minds, as
We worry over having angered a loved one who is not angry, or
We try to fit so much into a busy day as to frazzle our nerves or
We feel just like the white rabbit, late for important dates, or
We watch the bills exceeding our budgets or
We have no clue how to recognize power struggles driving entire families crazy
In short! we set such high expectations for ourselves (and everyone else) as to
Sweat so much small stuff as to ignite anxiety to flare for countless reasons ...
However, leaning toward kindling mild attacks of short-lived anxiety
Does not equate with feeling so deeply stung by sudden eruptions of
Repressed anxiety, resulting in sleep deprivation or taking
An ambulance ride to the ER, where an angiogram verifies
The cardiologist's diagnosis of Ventricular Takotasubo, caused by
An over production of adrenalin, resultant of heightening degrees of
Stress, *repressed so deeply behind my defense system's
Wall of denial as to have completely anesthetized my conscious awareness from
Feeling the depth of my emotional distress until my body reacted in such
A life threatening manner as to inspire my intuition (in the aftermath of
That experience) to alert my conscious mind to grow ever more
Cognizant of my need to identify decisions that, retrospectively, had been
Based in unconcious eruptions of yesteryear's unprocessed anxiety, which
Upon surfacing, had caused my conscious mind to feel so confused as to
Focus my think tank toward skepticism of making sound use of my noggin to
Voice my unmet needs aloud, and since, over time, this negatively focused
Thought pattern accomplished nothing more than to darken my self perception
My intuition whispered into my courageous ear of need to heed
Common sense, which implored me to open my eyes wide enough to 'see' that
Narrowing my focus to black or white, right or wrong, had left no wiggle room for
Any plan of action, requiring mind expansion, and since that insight made
Such good sense, my thought processor began to absorb sound reason to coach
Courage to convince fear to ride piggyback so, together, they could take
One proverbial, intuitive leap of faith after another until both sides of my mind
(Courage reining in fear) began to act in my best interest by functioning
In tandem, freeing my think tank to problem solve as a well balanced whole, and
Thus do both sides of my mind concur that I can rely on
My well practiced power of intuition to 'see' which trains of thought prove
As layered and complex as is true of my sliding spectrum of anxiety, which
Has been known to scale up and down, depending upon which
Attitude is, momentarily reigning supreme over my decision making process:
Fear based inner conflict or the courage of my deeply considered conviction
Though low levels of anxiety are meant to alert our smarts to be
Consciously aware of those times when we're testing
Our personal patterns of thought to 'see' whether we're defining
Our high minded principles, which guide our lives, so narrowly as to
Blind our perspective from expanding our horizons, sudden spikes of anxiety
Often indicate need to stop to consider whether fear is stimulating
Confusion, due to inner conflict, to escalate, unnecessarily, at those times
When some part of a current situation stimulates a latent sense of
Undeserved guilt to burst out of file #3, where upon leaping to the surface of
Conscious awareness in its *unprocessed* still festering state, yesteryear's
Repressed, unresolved terror of emotional abandonment may run
Interference with today's sense of clarity, thus catalyzing
Feeling the depth of my emotional distress until my body reacted in such
A life threatening manner as to inspire my intuition (in the aftermath of
That experience) to alert my conscious mind to grow ever more
Cognizant of my need to identify decisions that, retrospectively, had been
Based in unconcious eruptions of yesteryear's unprocessed anxiety, which
Upon surfacing, had caused my conscious mind to feel so confused as to
Focus my think tank toward skepticism of making sound use of my noggin to
Voice my unmet needs aloud, and since, over time, this negatively focused
Thought pattern accomplished nothing more than to darken my self perception
My intuition whispered into my courageous ear of need to heed
Common sense, which implored me to open my eyes wide enough to 'see' that
Narrowing my focus to black or white, right or wrong, had left no wiggle room for
Any plan of action, requiring mind expansion, and since that insight made
Such good sense, my thought processor began to absorb sound reason to coach
Courage to convince fear to ride piggyback so, together, they could take
One proverbial, intuitive leap of faith after another until both sides of my mind
(Courage reining in fear) began to act in my best interest by functioning
In tandem, freeing my think tank to problem solve as a well balanced whole, and
Thus do both sides of my mind concur that I can rely on
My well practiced power of intuition to 'see' which trains of thought prove
As layered and complex as is true of my sliding spectrum of anxiety, which
Has been known to scale up and down, depending upon which
Attitude is, momentarily reigning supreme over my decision making process:
Fear based inner conflict or the courage of my deeply considered conviction
Though low levels of anxiety are meant to alert our smarts to be
Consciously aware of those times when we're testing
Our personal patterns of thought to 'see' whether we're defining
Our high minded principles, which guide our lives, so narrowly as to
Blind our perspective from expanding our horizons, sudden spikes of anxiety
Often indicate need to stop to consider whether fear is stimulating
Confusion, due to inner conflict, to escalate, unnecessarily, at those times
When some part of a current situation stimulates a latent sense of
Undeserved guilt to burst out of file #3, where upon leaping to the surface of
Conscious awareness in its *unprocessed* still festering state, yesteryear's
Repressed, unresolved terror of emotional abandonment may run
Interference with today's sense of clarity, thus catalyzing
A confused state of inner conflict that causes you to mistakenly feel as if
Your current situation is every bit as treacherous as had been true of
A past experience, which, still repressed in it's unprocessed state, had
Literally scared you witless at an earlier age when the undeveloped nature of
Your youthful thought processor had been taught by authority figures to believe
That your personal sense of safety depended upon patterning your decisions as
Solely black or white, right or wrong, constricting your sense of
Existential individualism from breathing, freely, due to this fact:
Had your actions deviated in any way from adhering to parental authority
You'd experienced sound reason to fear paying harsh consequences
Literally scared you witless at an earlier age when the undeveloped nature of
Your youthful thought processor had been taught by authority figures to believe
That your personal sense of safety depended upon patterning your decisions as
Solely black or white, right or wrong, constricting your sense of
Existential individualism from breathing, freely, due to this fact:
Had your actions deviated in any way from adhering to parental authority
You'd experienced sound reason to fear paying harsh consequences
And since I've experienced that same unconscious reaction too many
Times to count, my intuitive powers have sensitized my conscious mind to
My need to take a time out on the spot to call forth and employees of
Common sense when heightened levels of latent anxiety, leaping out of
File #3, might, otherwise, continue to scare my think tank as senseless
Today, as had been true when over-reactive giants had scolded
A good, little girl, so severely, that her spirit submitted, fearfully, to
Their their will until, over time, my brain had, unknowingly developed
A pattern of thought, concerning a distorted view of reality, as seen through
The eyes of authority figures, whose unrealistic expectations had anxiously
Been adopted as my own ... and thus was my inner control freak born
Times to count, my intuitive powers have sensitized my conscious mind to
My need to take a time out on the spot to call forth and employees of
Common sense when heightened levels of latent anxiety, leaping out of
File #3, might, otherwise, continue to scare my think tank as senseless
Today, as had been true when over-reactive giants had scolded
A good, little girl, so severely, that her spirit submitted, fearfully, to
Their their will until, over time, my brain had, unknowingly developed
A pattern of thought, concerning a distorted view of reality, as seen through
The eyes of authority figures, whose unrealistic expectations had anxiously
Been adopted as my own ... and thus was my inner control freak born
In recent years, you've watched my power of intuition work to sensitize
My conscious mind to identify specific times when my thought processor
Has need to stop stressing by reconsidering this insight into deeper truth:
There are times when a current situation will stimulate file #3 to
Fly open, today, releasing an unprocessed, unresolved fear, which causes
My think tank to confuse apples with oranges; therefore, each time
Anxiety escalates, I've trained myself to take a mental time out on the spot to
Calm my think tank to consider whether or not my natural survival instinct
Is confusing an unprocessed, terrifying experience from the past with
A fear-based feeling that a 'near and present' danger (which is NOT closing in)
Is about to threaten my sense of safety, today, and each time I remember to
Take that mental time out on the spot, my sense of clarity grows ever more apt to
Touch base with today's reality for this reason:
I look within to 'see' whether or not my present bout of elevated anxiety is
Directly related to a fear-driven portion of my imagination, which
(Generated by negatively focused energy) is fabricating a train of thought, which
Still fears yesteryear's real (unprocessed) danger when, in fact, that danger
No longer exists anywhere other than within file #3, which remains stubbornly
Entrenched in an unexamined state, deep within until my hyper vigilant
Control freak's imagination pushes the hot button that catalyzes that specifics file
Stored within my subconscious, to spring open, releasing yesteryear's
Unresolved fear to fling my relaxed state of inner peace into the flames of chaos
Yet again ... So you can see why I give thanks for having worked through
Unprocessed emotional pain until insight had been gained, concerning
My need to develop the listening skills necessary to tune into
My intuitive voice, which turns down the volume on
Fear-based inner conflicts, absorbed during childhood, in favor of turning up
The volume on the courage of my deeply considered, personal convictions
Though Socrates is often quoted as having stated:
The unexamined life is not worth living
That statement seems so bold as to inspire me to wonder if
When originated, the strength of this statesman's declaration
Had not been meant to stand alone, and with that thought in mind
Let's imagine me taking a seat on a white marble bench in
The peanut gallery of the senate, my attention held rapt in readiness to
Absorb the depth of meaning that would surely have fleshed in
The sage's deeper meaning (had Socrates' bold oration not inflamed
The defensive reactions of his peers, who had literally made use of poison to
Silence the power of his intuitive voice), so, had that not happened, here is what
I'd wait with bated breath to hear during my imagined travel back in time:
The unexamined life is not worth living ... for this reason
And then, naturally, my wise counselor would go on ... and on ... until
His meaning was clearly absorbed by every mind that had once
Feared the voice of this sage, whose courageous spirit had implored
His peers to save themselves from retrospectively suffering
The regretful throes of self defeat by mastering the courage to
'Out' subconscious fear in order to free their minds to accompany
His as, together, mankind adventures ever more deeply into
The great unknown, where, rather than keeping scary secrets from
Ourselves, we resolve inner conflicts by opening our ears to
Constructive plans of action, based in insight that thinks to
Employ positive focus with such repetitive consistency as to
Create change for the better by considering needs, all around
And if you're getting sick of my repeating all of this then please
Feel free to take a time out from 'reading' my mind, because
I'm determined to blend every one of these interrelated
Highly detailed insights ever more deeply into file #1 of
My memory bank's conscious awareness, forever!
So, hopefully, you've come to see why, while working to expand
My comfort zone's horizons, I've come to place my faith in this fact:
I can rely on my intuitive, well developed sense of
Self disciplined awareness to protect me from over reacting when
My fear-based buttons are pushed as well protecting me from
Allowing courage to push the envelop too far ...
And thus, time and again, do we return to:
Balance in all things
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