Though I truly enjoy sharing albums, spotlighting life's pleasures
It's been my intention, all along, to offer you snapshots of
Both sides of my nature for this reason:
Otherwise, how can I hope to express the importance of
Challenging our conscious minds to work toward identifying
Darkly colored perceptions (which are in need of
Change for the better) unless my posts include stories exemplifying
The frequency with which the dark side of my spirit (that
Photos fail to reflect) had influenced my think tank to make
Decisions, which having been fear-driven and thus short-sighted, proved
Unhealthy for my spirit's existential state of individuality, and
Photos fail to reflect) had influenced my think tank to make
Decisions, which having been fear-driven and thus short-sighted, proved
Unhealthy for my spirit's existential state of individuality, and
Having made reference to the fact that clarity depends upon
Objectivity, I feel hopeful that once the contemplative emotionality
Which has occupied the greater portion of my think tank
(Concerning dfficult changes in role reversal to which
Jeremy and Marnie must adjust, since Jeremy's loss of memory
Has catalyzed reason for Marnie to adopt the roles of
Driver and main problem-solving decision maker, as well), settles
Peaceably into file #1 of my memory, the answer to
Our unresolved riddle, concerning opposing values intertwining
Will naturally spring forth from within file #2, suggestive of
My surmising that our memory banks have difficulty
Multi tasking, and with that insight
Brightening
Brightening
My conscious awareness as to why the answer to
Our unresolved riddle has remained suppressed within
File #2, today's awareness has steadied my patience with
This fact, as well: Just as intuitive readiness will pop that answer into
File #1 in its own good time, so will my conscious mind feel naturally empowered
To resume story telling, once my well practiced power of intuitive thought
Gives it the go ahead, too ...
BTW, in case I've not yet expressed insight concerning the reason why intuitive thought, tunneling toward yesteryear's unprocessed fear, caused my body to stiffen, sometimes for weeks, let's imagine my well practiced power of intuition, acting like a super hero, whose X-ray vision can see through defensive walls, where waves of negatively charged tension, which had been captured, anesthetized and buried, alive within a cell of subconscious storage are suddenly stimulated to reawaken, alerting my primal survival instinct to direct my adrenal glands to release such a barrage of adrenalin that this combat force surges through every muscle of my body until every atom, comprising my sense of wholeness (which includes brain, heart, lung and stomach malfunctions) stiffen with anxious readiness while every atom of my mental and physical energy focuses toward tunneling toward penetrating another layer of subconscious denial, where another sleeping slice of reality that had felt too complex (or horrific or wounded) for my inexperienced think tank to process at an earlier time in my life is suddenly revived, today portends to be the perfect time to rectify that omission by clarifying this scientific fact:
At times when our think tanks fail to comprehend a conundrum that proves far too emotionally complex to process with anything resembling clarity, our defense systems save our connection to sanity from descending into a permanent swirling sensation of 'craziness' by submerging the most confounding aspects of emotionality (which had felt too complex to process) within our subconscious memory banks; however, that's not to say that the depths of emotionality, placed in storage, have been 'forgotten' by muscle memory, suggesting why my body 'feels' whatever had been felt each time a 'forgotten' detail (submerged within file #3 of my memory) is in the process of being transported on intuitive thought waves through subterranean tunnels of my mind until the day dawns when that time-traveling detail emerges, generating insight to spotlight bursts of mental clarity, offering my conscious mind reason to process that which had been a puzzling aspect of an earlier experience, and thus does intuitive thought flesh in a situation (which, in its unprocessed state, may have originally been seen as black and white), transforming 'right or wrong' into the technicolored vision of reality, which had felt so magnetic in nature as to have captured my sense of wholeness utterly within its spell while simultaneously tapping into yesteryear's latent anxiety, which, having emerged from subconscious storage in its unprocessed state, haunted my conscious mind with such a heavy sense of undeserved guilt as to have attacked my brain with an escalation of inner conflict that stimulated my spirit's soulful need for peace of mind to quest toward deeper truth, which over time, has mercifully pardoned my think tank from carrying the burden of yesteryear's excess baggage forward, at last. And as day after day, you choose to witness my well practiced power of intuition penning, post after post, in which continuous chains of interconnected insights consistently emerge, highlighting one 'forgotten' detail after another, we come to see the most puzzling pieces of my life, which had challenged my sense of clarity, fit together in ways that ease my soul's peace of mind. WHEW!
File #1 in its own good time, so will my conscious mind feel naturally empowered
To resume story telling, once my well practiced power of intuitive thought
Gives it the go ahead, too ...
BTW, in case I've not yet expressed insight concerning the reason why intuitive thought, tunneling toward yesteryear's unprocessed fear, caused my body to stiffen, sometimes for weeks, let's imagine my well practiced power of intuition, acting like a super hero, whose X-ray vision can see through defensive walls, where waves of negatively charged tension, which had been captured, anesthetized and buried, alive within a cell of subconscious storage are suddenly stimulated to reawaken, alerting my primal survival instinct to direct my adrenal glands to release such a barrage of adrenalin that this combat force surges through every muscle of my body until every atom, comprising my sense of wholeness (which includes brain, heart, lung and stomach malfunctions) stiffen with anxious readiness while every atom of my mental and physical energy focuses toward tunneling toward penetrating another layer of subconscious denial, where another sleeping slice of reality that had felt too complex (or horrific or wounded) for my inexperienced think tank to process at an earlier time in my life is suddenly revived, today portends to be the perfect time to rectify that omission by clarifying this scientific fact:
At times when our think tanks fail to comprehend a conundrum that proves far too emotionally complex to process with anything resembling clarity, our defense systems save our connection to sanity from descending into a permanent swirling sensation of 'craziness' by submerging the most confounding aspects of emotionality (which had felt too complex to process) within our subconscious memory banks; however, that's not to say that the depths of emotionality, placed in storage, have been 'forgotten' by muscle memory, suggesting why my body 'feels' whatever had been felt each time a 'forgotten' detail (submerged within file #3 of my memory) is in the process of being transported on intuitive thought waves through subterranean tunnels of my mind until the day dawns when that time-traveling detail emerges, generating insight to spotlight bursts of mental clarity, offering my conscious mind reason to process that which had been a puzzling aspect of an earlier experience, and thus does intuitive thought flesh in a situation (which, in its unprocessed state, may have originally been seen as black and white), transforming 'right or wrong' into the technicolored vision of reality, which had felt so magnetic in nature as to have captured my sense of wholeness utterly within its spell while simultaneously tapping into yesteryear's latent anxiety, which, having emerged from subconscious storage in its unprocessed state, haunted my conscious mind with such a heavy sense of undeserved guilt as to have attacked my brain with an escalation of inner conflict that stimulated my spirit's soulful need for peace of mind to quest toward deeper truth, which over time, has mercifully pardoned my think tank from carrying the burden of yesteryear's excess baggage forward, at last. And as day after day, you choose to witness my well practiced power of intuition penning, post after post, in which continuous chains of interconnected insights consistently emerge, highlighting one 'forgotten' detail after another, we come to see the most puzzling pieces of my life, which had challenged my sense of clarity, fit together in ways that ease my soul's peace of mind. WHEW!
The first couple of times that the highly complex nature of each of these anxiety-producing, physical reactions stymied my conscious mind, I worried about the state of my brain—thank goodness, worry inspired the teacher in me to research books about emotional intelligence while I also asked countless questions of my therapist, and here is why the information that I absorbed and the answers I received proved exceptionally reassuring: First of all, my anxious reactions were directly related to the cathartic effects of EMDR THERAPY, which stimulates intuitive thought to tunnel ever more naturally into my subconscious storehouse of unprocessed emotionality, and secondly, each bout of high anxiety, which felt most debilitating in the aftermath of a profoundly probing, therapeutic session, indicated that the level of my mental immersion, concerning my growing ability to dive subconsciously into my past in order to retrieve another morsel of clarity, was proving highly successful, over the long run.
Eventually, as an episode of latent anxiety surged to the surface of conscious awareness, my heightened level of comprehension spurred my growing sense of self confidence to reassure my family (and myself) to be patient until the emergence of each next subconsciously 'forgotten' detail (catalyzing escalating anxiety to peak) was fully absorbed by my conscious mind, causing my fear-based, over-production of adrenalin to diminish, naturally. And as my conscious mind came to understand that repairing the portions of my self esteem, injured years ago, depended upon my experiencing periodic attacks of anxiety, each of which was directly associated with healing a portion of my brain from PTSD, every next anxious eruption validated this fact: My engagement with EMDR therapy, which consisted of probing into cells of subconscious fear during intensive brainstorming sessions, had need to take place within a safe emotional environment as provided by a compassionate (non-judgmental) therapist, whose astute guidance led directly toward my making difficult gains in personal growth. And having come to understand that (intuitive) knowledge is power, my conscious mind feels ever more deeply empowered to muster the courage and patience that prove necessary to identify negatively focused attitudes, absorbed by my thought processor, about myself, during childhood ... (DOUBLE WHEW!)
Off the top of my head, that's the best explanation that I can presently offer, clarifying the courageous, patient and energetic work that must be performed by any brain, which, guided to function as a well balanced whole, is working to exorcize 'forgotten' details, stored within file #3, which would, otherwise, continue to leap out in their unprocessed state to devil peace of mind.
AS common knowledge suggests that my physical stiffness had actually reflected muscle memory, we come to see how recent levels of elevated anxiety had reflected yesteryear's fear of a true and 'present' danger, filtering from file #3 into file #1, for this reason: Muscle memory is known to react anxiously, before our think tanks can consciously absorb information that our brains had been unable to process (comprehend) at an earlier time. And in order to tolerate escalating levels of anxiety, our think tanks are charged with developing the courage and patience necessary to feel that which had felt so intolerable as to have been buried alive and 'forgotten'.
As muscle memory remembers that which our conscious awareness represses, you can see why every muscle in my body had tensed up as though in readiness to fight for my life each time intuitive thought threatened to expose subconscious fear to my conscious mind, which had need to shore up a host of mental strengths in order to absorb the haunting nature of fear that emerged each time intuitive thought disassembled another layer of my defensive wall of denial, sooo—whenever the proverbial flood gates opened, releasing intolerable depths of emotional pain, which had remained subconsciously anesthetized, over most of my life, Mother Nature, conferring with my well practiced power of intuition, must have sensed that my inner strengths had consciously shored up to the point of outweighing my vulnerabilities, and with that said ... Oh, wait! I just remembered one more train of thought that has been awaiting release, over these past few days: Will and I just flew home from spending a long weekend with Will's brother (who has been unwell), suggesting why my mind felt too preoccupied with current family matters to probe into file #2, where our unresolved riddle remains lodged.
In truth, upon flying home and unpacking, I'd thought to find the answer to that riddle sliding naturally into file #1, readying itself to trip right off my finger tips and onto our screens; however, we upon unpacking, Sunday evening, we found ourselves planning to enjoy a delightful playdate with Ravi, on Monday, and in addition to thoroughly engaging in that pleasure, my mind can't not contemplate the sadness my heart carried home upon witnessing my brother-in-law's mental and physical decline due to the early stage of Alzheimer's, which had been diagnosed at The Mayo Clinic, during his recent stay in Rochester ...
This photo, taken sometime in July, shows Jeremy, at 79 (who is need of a cane to steady the unevenness of his gait, which is just one of several changes that Will and I observed, taking place within this highly intelligent, retired orthopedic surgeon, whom we love. And the sad fact that Jeremy (standing behind his wife, Marnie) must accept the fact of his waining independence has deepened my appreciation of clarity, even more than before ...
Though it's true that children are for the young, grandparents, whose birthdays continue to add up more quickly than we can believe, can actually feel our spirits re-energizing while engaging in playdates with the very young, because we feel so incredibly blessed each time a small face looks up at our own, smiling so brightly as to spread the warmth of sunshine throughout our little corners of the world, and as smiles, conveying a child's natural exuberance for joyous interaction, prove contagious, every shared adventure seems to be placed before us specifically to delight the hearts of everyone we love ... including our own ...
Eventually, as an episode of latent anxiety surged to the surface of conscious awareness, my heightened level of comprehension spurred my growing sense of self confidence to reassure my family (and myself) to be patient until the emergence of each next subconsciously 'forgotten' detail (catalyzing escalating anxiety to peak) was fully absorbed by my conscious mind, causing my fear-based, over-production of adrenalin to diminish, naturally. And as my conscious mind came to understand that repairing the portions of my self esteem, injured years ago, depended upon my experiencing periodic attacks of anxiety, each of which was directly associated with healing a portion of my brain from PTSD, every next anxious eruption validated this fact: My engagement with EMDR therapy, which consisted of probing into cells of subconscious fear during intensive brainstorming sessions, had need to take place within a safe emotional environment as provided by a compassionate (non-judgmental) therapist, whose astute guidance led directly toward my making difficult gains in personal growth. And having come to understand that (intuitive) knowledge is power, my conscious mind feels ever more deeply empowered to muster the courage and patience that prove necessary to identify negatively focused attitudes, absorbed by my thought processor, about myself, during childhood ... (DOUBLE WHEW!)
Off the top of my head, that's the best explanation that I can presently offer, clarifying the courageous, patient and energetic work that must be performed by any brain, which, guided to function as a well balanced whole, is working to exorcize 'forgotten' details, stored within file #3, which would, otherwise, continue to leap out in their unprocessed state to devil peace of mind.
AS common knowledge suggests that my physical stiffness had actually reflected muscle memory, we come to see how recent levels of elevated anxiety had reflected yesteryear's fear of a true and 'present' danger, filtering from file #3 into file #1, for this reason: Muscle memory is known to react anxiously, before our think tanks can consciously absorb information that our brains had been unable to process (comprehend) at an earlier time. And in order to tolerate escalating levels of anxiety, our think tanks are charged with developing the courage and patience necessary to feel that which had felt so intolerable as to have been buried alive and 'forgotten'.
As muscle memory remembers that which our conscious awareness represses, you can see why every muscle in my body had tensed up as though in readiness to fight for my life each time intuitive thought threatened to expose subconscious fear to my conscious mind, which had need to shore up a host of mental strengths in order to absorb the haunting nature of fear that emerged each time intuitive thought disassembled another layer of my defensive wall of denial, sooo—whenever the proverbial flood gates opened, releasing intolerable depths of emotional pain, which had remained subconsciously anesthetized, over most of my life, Mother Nature, conferring with my well practiced power of intuition, must have sensed that my inner strengths had consciously shored up to the point of outweighing my vulnerabilities, and with that said ... Oh, wait! I just remembered one more train of thought that has been awaiting release, over these past few days: Will and I just flew home from spending a long weekend with Will's brother (who has been unwell), suggesting why my mind felt too preoccupied with current family matters to probe into file #2, where our unresolved riddle remains lodged.
In truth, upon flying home and unpacking, I'd thought to find the answer to that riddle sliding naturally into file #1, readying itself to trip right off my finger tips and onto our screens; however, we upon unpacking, Sunday evening, we found ourselves planning to enjoy a delightful playdate with Ravi, on Monday, and in addition to thoroughly engaging in that pleasure, my mind can't not contemplate the sadness my heart carried home upon witnessing my brother-in-law's mental and physical decline due to the early stage of Alzheimer's, which had been diagnosed at The Mayo Clinic, during his recent stay in Rochester ...
This photo, taken sometime in July, shows Jeremy, at 79 (who is need of a cane to steady the unevenness of his gait, which is just one of several changes that Will and I observed, taking place within this highly intelligent, retired orthopedic surgeon, whom we love. And the sad fact that Jeremy (standing behind his wife, Marnie) must accept the fact of his waining independence has deepened my appreciation of clarity, even more than before ...
Though it's true that children are for the young, grandparents, whose birthdays continue to add up more quickly than we can believe, can actually feel our spirits re-energizing while engaging in playdates with the very young, because we feel so incredibly blessed each time a small face looks up at our own, smiling so brightly as to spread the warmth of sunshine throughout our little corners of the world, and as smiles, conveying a child's natural exuberance for joyous interaction, prove contagious, every shared adventure seems to be placed before us specifically to delight the hearts of everyone we love ... including our own ...
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