My friend, a cardiologist residing in
The rainy Northwest, texts back
We never stop learning about who we are
I reply
I'd like to gain that information with less mental strain!
Please say something corny that makes me laugh ...
He replies
Too many friends with serious illnesses
I'm reminded how lucky I am - and how thankful for all the good things in my life
Knowing attitude is everything, I reply
I'm truly sorry to know that many of your friends are seriously ill. In truth, I had no clue how deeply I'd feared this fourth stage of life until after Passover, when exhaustion weakened my wall of denial, freeing anxiety to overwhelm my conscious mind, and though adrenalin, pulsing through my body, scared my sense of personal safety out of my wits, awareness hit, concerning my need to identify those times when my self defeating pattern of denial blindsides my sense of reality (as proved true last summer, when stress-stimulated adrenalin pumped so furiously through my heart as to freeze one of my ventricles, landing me in the hospital in The Midwest), which proves in need of adjustment, from time to time. So, once again, I find myself working to reprogram my mind to acknowledge and calm each uprising of underlying anxiety by consciously rebalancing my trains of thought to switch tracks from fearing certain realities that accompany this fourth stage of life by focusing positively on this aspect of reality: Reflection points to the fact that my life tunneth over with far more good fortune than not, and needless to say, my family, dearest friends and continuing good health top the list of personal treasures, which offers my think tank sound reason to tune out negativity in favor of counting my blessings instead of sheep.
Having come to respect the complex nature of my brain, I charge my think tank with questing toward insight in hopes of identifying the primary catalyst that blows common sense straight out of my mind (scaring my sense of personal safety half to death), and each time I remember to place my faith in my good friend, Intuition, who resides inside my head, I wait for emergent insight to calm my nerves until the dark side recedes at least enough for my corny sense of humor to kick back in, and since corniness inspires my spirit to smile, that's a pattern I plan to keep. So, with hopes that your sense of humor may feel inspired to play with mine, sometime soon, picture my smile waiting patiently to laugh right out loud whenever your funny bone feels ready to tickle mine ...
Anyway, that was the text I sent, yesterday..
This morning, while reviewing yesterday's post
Intuitive thought felt need to edit, just a bit, and
Lo and behold, during that natural process
Guess whose think tank pulled forth
A missing insight, which answers why
My state of exhaustion has lasted, overlong ...
And just as that insight emerged, seemingly on its own
Here comes another, popping out, right now:
Soon after I felt my life force begin to reawaken
Guess what I found knocking at our front door?
The four day weekend that Will and I
Had eagerly awaited, because
Stessa's name was penciled in on
My calendar, Friday through Monday
Though under normal circumstances, welcoming
Stessa energized my spirit, somehow
Exhaustion and toddlers create whole different mix
On the other hand, we didn't want
Our kids to cancel their trip, so we chose to
Welcomed our 17 month old bundle of
Energy, whose delight while playing with us
Charmed our smiles to match her own
Though Celina's mom enjoyed time with Ravi, as well
keeping up with our active toddler
Saw my small steps toward recharging
My battery wear down to nada by Monday night
And sliding down hill meant extending
The down time that my brain and body needed to refuel
As each of these insights, emerging from within
My gray matter, have colored in
The bigger picture of a ride that
Proved to be much more complex than
A fully energized observer might see, simply
As black and white! C ommon senses dictated that
I place my Monday/Thursday play dates with Ravi
On pause until the spent nature of my life force
Receives as much downtime as
Proves necessary to Fully revitalize
And in order to set today's game plan in action
I've chosen to spend most of my time
Doing little more than resting body and mind
Suggesting why tis time for my iPad and
Me to take a nap ...
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