I have reason to feel thankful for the well practiced art of diplomacy, negotiating toward win/win
During therapy sessions, I've often heard;
Annie, when you've been bitten, you tend to smile and hold out flowers
When bitten, it's time to take control over your life
To my way of thinking, taking control is interpreted as
Concentrating my intelligence upon 'damage control'
I believe astute leadership is accountable for sensing those times when damage control is necessary to secure a flock, which might otherwise feel so frazzled by ruffled feathers as to fall out of formation, whereby upon flying apart, birds can be seen crashing into each other's vulnerabilities and hot spots until leadership, employing use of innate intelligence to ensure that all, who are involved, reach their destination feeling safe and sound, manages to regain the mental concentration to recognize those times when the survival of the flock is at stake, by training one's eye to focus on the bigger picture, so that in the heat of the moment, skillful diplomatic negotiations steadies the anxieties of the flock so as to regain its sense of 'all for one and one for all', because no man, woman, child or seagull is an island. (Currently, one of my book clubs is reading Jonathan Livingston Seagull ... Wanna take a wild guess at which member of our group suggested that book for discussion?)
Annie, when you've been bitten, you tend to smile and hold out flowers
When bitten, it's time to take control over your life
To my way of thinking, taking control is interpreted as
Concentrating my intelligence upon 'damage control'
I believe astute leadership is accountable for sensing those times when damage control is necessary to secure a flock, which might otherwise feel so frazzled by ruffled feathers as to fall out of formation, whereby upon flying apart, birds can be seen crashing into each other's vulnerabilities and hot spots until leadership, employing use of innate intelligence to ensure that all, who are involved, reach their destination feeling safe and sound, manages to regain the mental concentration to recognize those times when the survival of the flock is at stake, by training one's eye to focus on the bigger picture, so that in the heat of the moment, skillful diplomatic negotiations steadies the anxieties of the flock so as to regain its sense of 'all for one and one for all', because no man, woman, child or seagull is an island. (Currently, one of my book clubs is reading Jonathan Livingston Seagull ... Wanna take a wild guess at which member of our group suggested that book for discussion?)
Several weeks ago, I experienced being bitten by a wolf in sheep's clothing in a group situation, and though, initially, the unexpected nature of that verbal wrestling match threw my sense of balance out of formation, I managed to recover my mojo in time to reply with intelligence intact. Upon reflection, I was up against two opponents: the person, whose anger (at my open exposure of vulnerability) spewed judgmental reactiveness all over my character) and the fact I had to quell the arousal of PTSD, which causes anxiety to spike each time anger is directed at me. In retrospect, I guess you could say that having chanced to expose my vulnerability, publicly, a person, who calls herself friend, went for the jugular, and as the nature of this person's unexpected verbal attack proved so impassioned as to have aroused my defense system, the door, behind which PTSD lays in wait to confound my personal strengths, flew open, but this time, my smarts did not call uncle. This time, my knowledge of PTSD gained control over my spike in anxiety, and rather than shutting down like a clam or releasing my indignation by flinging back the same kind of disrespectful verbiage spewed, pointedly, at my exposed vulnerability, my intelligent sense of self respect chose to place my defensive reaction in time out on the spot, and thus did I consciously muster the maturity necessary to free my think tank to secure a sense of balance between emotion and logic within my brain , indicative of the fact that—in no way did I back down from my original stance. In no way did my head hang in passive contrition, feeling so whipped as to have led myself straight toward self defeat. The fact of the matter is this: That unexpected wrestling match was not my first experience with a person, who for some reason exposed an impassioned need to strike out, harshly, in an attempt to knock down my exposed vulnerability instead of offering me a compassionate ear. Upon reflection, intuition suggested that this frenemy had need to engage our minds in a power struggle of some kind. And if my sensitivity, concerning the subtlety of adult power struggles, is on target, this person had no clue as to whom she'd challenged to enter the ring. As wrestlers have nick names, let's nick name my challenger, Unmercifully Contentious, while calling me Conscientiously Empathetic.
If you wonder about my think tank's well practiced, self disciplined reaction to deflecting the undermining effect of this particular frenemy's attack, well, my first thought was of Tacotsubo, and as I'd made the conscious decision not to repeat that unhealthy physical reaction, due to my repression of anger, I chose to call upon my Line of Control in order to employ the strength of my listening skills in order to carefully consider every word used to undercut my best traits. By placing faith in my personal strengths, I deemed my brain capable of responding to this person's emotional tirade with my sense of logic and self respect, intact. As to reactions from observers in the room, I believe that, for the most part, they were shocked senseless.
Once this frenemy's outburst of judgmental condemnation had played itself out, I felt my body shaking with anger while my brain, functioning as an intelligent, well-practiced whole, felt able to toss every insult to my character aside, thus extrapolating one thought that offered my thought processor reason to respond to this impassioned outpouring of venom with one strong and yet empathetic statement of my own. As this frienemy was seated right next to me, I, choosing to take her hand in mine, felt a kindly smile appear on my face while my gentle but self respecting tone of voice replied: 'I believe that deep inside, you and I may be more alike than you know.' And as she seemed struck speechless, not one more word had need to be said.
While driving home, I'd felt the self restrained force of my anger seeping out of every pore of my body but not in such a way as to cause my heart to react like an over blown hot air balloon about to explode. Instead, I remained mindful of concentrating my attention on driving the two blocks, separating my home from the battlefield, left behind, and not until my bright red SUV was safely parked in our garage did I feel and express that which I hope proved to be a healthy outpouring of repressed rage—because each time I choose to open the door, behind which is stored yesteryear's repressed anger, that which will be released will free my blocked sense of self empowerment to spiral forth with the propulsive force of a tornado-like funnel, swirling layers of super charged energy, which had formerly been contained in a passive but every bit as potent state as TNT, and upon writing that last thought, I felt my lips turn up into a smile to think back on the brain strength that proved necessary to monitor the intelligence of my reactions while the arousal of my survival instinct had been actively pouring adrenalin, which, though rushing through my blood stream, did not arouse so much anxiety as to pin the intelligent, solution seeking portion of my brain to the mat, suggesting that never, again, will I unconsciously allow a store house of anger to repress so deeply within me to the point of endangering my heart ... And thus has today's intuitive train of thought expressed the vital difference that separates a conscious and healthy suppression of emotion from the subconscious repression of emotion, which proves deleterious to the good health of your heart and mine.
Interesting, isn't it, how opponents are placed on our paths to test our advancement, concerning each step we take toward personal growth.
Upon entering the safe haven of my home, I sought out Will, who was seated at the kitchen table, working away at an IME, and after respectfully requesting permission to interrupt his concentration, my suppressed passion bursts forth with: I'm soooo angry! Will, looking up from his work, responds with: Now, say that without smiling.
My response to him: Will, I'm laughing at my need to make certain that my anger is fully felt and expelled rather than resorting to denial and repression, as had been my habit in the past. At that, Will laughs while shaking his head. Then I hear my husband ask: What angered you, Annie? And how do you know it's been expelled? in answer to these astute questions, I detail my experience, ending with: I still feel the depth of my anger rushing through my blood stream, right now! Not for one moment did I feel passive or subservient! In fact, I wanted to tear off her head. My body was actually shaking as if negatively charged energy couldn't stop pulsing its way out of my depths, and this feeling that's still coursing through me, right now, feels so awful that I can't wait till every bit of this fury, I feel, has been expressed and fully spent!
At that moment, Angie rings the bell. What a perfect evening to have planned a girl's night out with my closest female friend. Though rage continues to pulse out of my pores throughout the rest of the evening, I feel safely wrapped within the arms of love, friendship and ... self respect.
I didn't expect to write about this, today. Actually, I didn't expect to write anything more than expressing a need to take another break. Then my brain, functioning on its own, as a whole, chose to write a synopsis of that which I'd felt, several weeks back, without need to plug in even one time-consuming detail, because each attack on one's best character traits is like most others, which is why the 'she said and I said' so often grows tedious to our listeners' ears.
The only one who needs know specific details of this attack is me. So, in the interest of your time and mine, my think tank chose to offer only my 'change for the better' reaction, thus freeing intuitive thought to describe the sum of my brain's inner strengths, functioning as a well balanced whole under pressure. And though I'd felt too angry in the moment to note how mature my reaction proved to be, despite the attack suffered by my exposed vulnerability, upon reflection, here is what I've absorbed more deeply than ever, on this first day of the rest of my life: The knowledge that I can depend on my defense system to work with, rather than against my sense of logic as my life continues to unfold. And the next thing my newly revived, self asserting voice feels need to say is this: Amen to my brain's intuitive ability to express a train of thought, which validates my self worth, most especially when I feel empowered to disempower anger from causing my anxiety to spike so high as to create a flash flood that sweeps clarity of thought straight out of my mind. I like knowing that my anger can flash forth without harming a vulnerable hair on anyone's head. In fact, I believe the discomfort that I endured during that unexpected experience will serve as a dress rehearsal, which readies me to attend to the difficult task of initiating a confrontation whenever my spirit feels need to make sound use of my voice to achieve a feat that depends upon the courage of my convictions expressing whatever I truly feel, aloud. (As you may have realized, this post is an example of personal growth, speaking freely, from deep within my soul to anyone who wants to know what I think about when I find time to be alone with my mind.)
As for this lengthy break from story telling, which
Has been percolating on a back burner within my brain
I've no clue how long this current feeling will persist, because
My crystal ball is no where to be found, suggesting that
It's best to simply free myself as a whole to live and enjoy
One healthy day at a time, and as I feel this train of thought
Pulling into today's rest station, I'm inclined to
Say so long after ending today's post on a lighter note:
Angie and I were discussing anger issues, at dinner, when
Our waitress, overhearing our conversation, chimed in with:
Sounds like you need to think of your glasses as half full
To which, my thought processor replied: You're right, and
As soon as we empty these glasses of wine, I'll bet
Our attitude switches, spontaneously, to more than half full!
And with that, she set two glasses of
If you wonder about my think tank's well practiced, self disciplined reaction to deflecting the undermining effect of this particular frenemy's attack, well, my first thought was of Tacotsubo, and as I'd made the conscious decision not to repeat that unhealthy physical reaction, due to my repression of anger, I chose to call upon my Line of Control in order to employ the strength of my listening skills in order to carefully consider every word used to undercut my best traits. By placing faith in my personal strengths, I deemed my brain capable of responding to this person's emotional tirade with my sense of logic and self respect, intact. As to reactions from observers in the room, I believe that, for the most part, they were shocked senseless.
Once this frenemy's outburst of judgmental condemnation had played itself out, I felt my body shaking with anger while my brain, functioning as an intelligent, well-practiced whole, felt able to toss every insult to my character aside, thus extrapolating one thought that offered my thought processor reason to respond to this impassioned outpouring of venom with one strong and yet empathetic statement of my own. As this frienemy was seated right next to me, I, choosing to take her hand in mine, felt a kindly smile appear on my face while my gentle but self respecting tone of voice replied: 'I believe that deep inside, you and I may be more alike than you know.' And as she seemed struck speechless, not one more word had need to be said.
While driving home, I'd felt the self restrained force of my anger seeping out of every pore of my body but not in such a way as to cause my heart to react like an over blown hot air balloon about to explode. Instead, I remained mindful of concentrating my attention on driving the two blocks, separating my home from the battlefield, left behind, and not until my bright red SUV was safely parked in our garage did I feel and express that which I hope proved to be a healthy outpouring of repressed rage—because each time I choose to open the door, behind which is stored yesteryear's repressed anger, that which will be released will free my blocked sense of self empowerment to spiral forth with the propulsive force of a tornado-like funnel, swirling layers of super charged energy, which had formerly been contained in a passive but every bit as potent state as TNT, and upon writing that last thought, I felt my lips turn up into a smile to think back on the brain strength that proved necessary to monitor the intelligence of my reactions while the arousal of my survival instinct had been actively pouring adrenalin, which, though rushing through my blood stream, did not arouse so much anxiety as to pin the intelligent, solution seeking portion of my brain to the mat, suggesting that never, again, will I unconsciously allow a store house of anger to repress so deeply within me to the point of endangering my heart ... And thus has today's intuitive train of thought expressed the vital difference that separates a conscious and healthy suppression of emotion from the subconscious repression of emotion, which proves deleterious to the good health of your heart and mine.
Interesting, isn't it, how opponents are placed on our paths to test our advancement, concerning each step we take toward personal growth.
Upon entering the safe haven of my home, I sought out Will, who was seated at the kitchen table, working away at an IME, and after respectfully requesting permission to interrupt his concentration, my suppressed passion bursts forth with: I'm soooo angry! Will, looking up from his work, responds with: Now, say that without smiling.
My response to him: Will, I'm laughing at my need to make certain that my anger is fully felt and expelled rather than resorting to denial and repression, as had been my habit in the past. At that, Will laughs while shaking his head. Then I hear my husband ask: What angered you, Annie? And how do you know it's been expelled? in answer to these astute questions, I detail my experience, ending with: I still feel the depth of my anger rushing through my blood stream, right now! Not for one moment did I feel passive or subservient! In fact, I wanted to tear off her head. My body was actually shaking as if negatively charged energy couldn't stop pulsing its way out of my depths, and this feeling that's still coursing through me, right now, feels so awful that I can't wait till every bit of this fury, I feel, has been expressed and fully spent!
At that moment, Angie rings the bell. What a perfect evening to have planned a girl's night out with my closest female friend. Though rage continues to pulse out of my pores throughout the rest of the evening, I feel safely wrapped within the arms of love, friendship and ... self respect.
I didn't expect to write about this, today. Actually, I didn't expect to write anything more than expressing a need to take another break. Then my brain, functioning on its own, as a whole, chose to write a synopsis of that which I'd felt, several weeks back, without need to plug in even one time-consuming detail, because each attack on one's best character traits is like most others, which is why the 'she said and I said' so often grows tedious to our listeners' ears.
The only one who needs know specific details of this attack is me. So, in the interest of your time and mine, my think tank chose to offer only my 'change for the better' reaction, thus freeing intuitive thought to describe the sum of my brain's inner strengths, functioning as a well balanced whole under pressure. And though I'd felt too angry in the moment to note how mature my reaction proved to be, despite the attack suffered by my exposed vulnerability, upon reflection, here is what I've absorbed more deeply than ever, on this first day of the rest of my life: The knowledge that I can depend on my defense system to work with, rather than against my sense of logic as my life continues to unfold. And the next thing my newly revived, self asserting voice feels need to say is this: Amen to my brain's intuitive ability to express a train of thought, which validates my self worth, most especially when I feel empowered to disempower anger from causing my anxiety to spike so high as to create a flash flood that sweeps clarity of thought straight out of my mind. I like knowing that my anger can flash forth without harming a vulnerable hair on anyone's head. In fact, I believe the discomfort that I endured during that unexpected experience will serve as a dress rehearsal, which readies me to attend to the difficult task of initiating a confrontation whenever my spirit feels need to make sound use of my voice to achieve a feat that depends upon the courage of my convictions expressing whatever I truly feel, aloud. (As you may have realized, this post is an example of personal growth, speaking freely, from deep within my soul to anyone who wants to know what I think about when I find time to be alone with my mind.)
As for this lengthy break from story telling, which
Has been percolating on a back burner within my brain
I've no clue how long this current feeling will persist, because
My crystal ball is no where to be found, suggesting that
It's best to simply free myself as a whole to live and enjoy
One healthy day at a time, and as I feel this train of thought
Pulling into today's rest station, I'm inclined to
Say so long after ending today's post on a lighter note:
Angie and I were discussing anger issues, at dinner, when
Our waitress, overhearing our conversation, chimed in with:
Sounds like you need to think of your glasses as half full
To which, my thought processor replied: You're right, and
As soon as we empty these glasses of wine, I'll bet
Our attitude switches, spontaneously, to more than half full!
And with that, she set two glasses of
Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc before us, and
We three enjoyed a good laugh at no one's expense, because
At the end of the day, I believe in the concept of live and let live, though
That's not to say that upon awakening, the next morning
I'd felt ready to stop wanting to bop
A certain someone in the nose ... Suggesting that
Only time will tell how many layers of latent anger
Remain tightly coiled within my subconscious, in need of healthy release ...
As for now, tis time to ready myself to enjoy and
Feel thankful for the kind of day that is bound to
Stimulate the natural sparkle of my smile, because
A play date with Ravi lies directly ahead, and
Knowing my good fortune, full well
Please imagine your friend's think tank
Consciously acknowledging the upside of working through
Latent anger in an intelligent manner while
Simultaneously acknowledging countless blessings, which
Make my heart runneth over with gratitude and love ...
Not just during the holidays but throughout every day of the year
We three enjoyed a good laugh at no one's expense, because
At the end of the day, I believe in the concept of live and let live, though
That's not to say that upon awakening, the next morning
I'd felt ready to stop wanting to bop
A certain someone in the nose ... Suggesting that
Only time will tell how many layers of latent anger
Remain tightly coiled within my subconscious, in need of healthy release ...
As for now, tis time to ready myself to enjoy and
Feel thankful for the kind of day that is bound to
Stimulate the natural sparkle of my smile, because
A play date with Ravi lies directly ahead, and
Knowing my good fortune, full well
Please imagine your friend's think tank
Consciously acknowledging the upside of working through
Latent anger in an intelligent manner while
Simultaneously acknowledging countless blessings, which
Make my heart runneth over with gratitude and love ...
Not just during the holidays but throughout every day of the year
No comments:
Post a Comment