2015
The egocentric nature of a mind intent on controlling the perceptions and decisions of others cannot tolerate any hint of conflict, which accompanies change initiated by the growth spurt of another.
Any change initiated by the personal growth spurt of another creates spikes of anxiety within the egocentric brain, which fearing conflict, reacts to change in such an undisciplined manner as to cause sparks of anger to fire up and escalate too rapidly to develop a well practiced, line of self control when problem-solving proves necessary. This person's negatively focused attitude, born of fearing conflict, resultant of change, seems to believe that conflict is won by he or she who yells loudest, longest, over all.
When personal growth on the part of one is seen as a threat to the status quo, the brain that remains heavily invested in egocentric methods of control may resort to bullying tactics in order to ensure that its personal needs are met, no matter how illogical the argument, which ensues, proves to be to the think tank that has been taught to tame its hotheaded temper in order to problem solve with an eye trained to focus on objectivity during conflict.
In short, during times of conflict, these two people are not speaking the same language for this reason: Whereas one mind remains focused on 'me' (I win/you lose) the other remains focused on brainstorming toward a mutually respectful solution (win-win), which communicates a healthy awareness of community welfare without disregarding the personal needs of each individual. In short, a mind that proves unafraid of transitioning toward objective maturity, takes note of this fact: Over the long run, life's challenges grow ever more complex, suggesting that those who choose to mature in self disciplined ways, consciously develop the know how to solve problems by brainstorming until logical trains of thought tap into creative plans of action that simply complexity, all around.
If one person walks forward, exploring personal growth, while the other, fearing change, clings to the past, the one who feels most threatened (insecure) will argue in a less objective, more stubbornly defensive manner, thus digging in her/his heels, suggesting that in the absence of insight into deeper truth, war will be declared. In short, this fearful reaction to personal growth, conflict and change has been classic to human interaction ever since the invention of fire sparked the first wheel to burst into flames, inspiring our need to create smoke signals to spread the alarm from cave to cave and clan to clan, eons before the internet connected a world wide network of up-to-the-minute news, conveying fear of change that's not yet wholly understood, throughout the world. And each time emotional smokescreens grow too heavy to signal with attention to clarity, an alarmist attitude will burst out with an over reaction that spreads like wildfire while the attitude of the optimistic realist is taking time out to breathe in so deeply as to oxygenate the brain until the solution-seeking portion of the think tank calms down in readiness to blend creativity with logical trains of thought that make sense.
As the path I've chosen to carve out for myself exposes every step taken toward gaining insight into the egocentric dysfunctions of my brain (in hopes of identifying and re-channeling my own negatively focused trains of thought), reflection suggests that my sense of awareness began to brighten more than four decades back while raising a trio of tussling tots, who, munching on chicken nuggets and tater tots, vied for a fair share of their mommy's attention. Today, when people ask: How did your kids become such supportive friends? I reply: Beginning when they were small, it made sense to share every insight that popped out of my mind, concerning the natural state of sibling rivalry, with each of my sons, and as we learned to sit our egos in timeout while learning to communicate respectfully each time a conflict caused anger to erupt, the more supportive of formulating family friendships we became.
Once I led the way toward adventuring, wholeheartedly, into positively focused parenting techniques, the creative portion of my mind chose to carve out this path of self discovery in order to role model each stage of growth in my personal development with this belief in mind: As little monkeys are known to mimic what big monkey says and does, my children would be likely to absorb high principled character traits more often than had their mother not practiced the values that I'd hoped would soak into the depths of each child's memory bank. As each mouskateer was raised to respect his individuality as well as that of each sibling, none felt forced to turn into clones of either parent or each other in order to receive the depth of love, respect and admiration with which Will and I continue to hold all three in our esteem. And as we each made classic mistakes, along the way, we learned to help each other clean up each mess instead of heaping blame upon each other's heads.
When anyone tried to bully any of my kids, each came to believe, without so much as a doubt, that the well-practiced, mutually supportive attitude of our 'all for one and one for all' team would brainstorm how best to detour mean-mindedness from wrestling our peace of mind to the mat. And just as a coach of a championship team calls for time-out in order to reorganize the mental processes that take place within each star player's think tank, the starters on our team are known to break out of the huddle with a whole new game plan in mind ...
As decades passed, and I watched closely, my spirit soared to see three mousekateers, growing from tussling tots to teens (who experimented with this and that) into a trio of fine, strong, self disciplined muskateers, so that, today, their coaches, namely Will and Moi, can rely upon hindsight when we say that our chosen path has, over the long run, enriched the lives of each of our sons as well as our own, and upon reflection, reality suggests that the clarity of that perception proves true to this very day when our need to offer brainstorming teamwork in support of one of our own is, once again, underway.
Once the story telling portion of my brain begins to flow, naturally, you'll absorb true tales, concerning the blend-ship of creativity and logical consequences, which tamed egocentric misbehaviors on the parts of parents and children while each person in our family worked to evolve into each other's mutually respecting friends.
And with that said, the Pollyanna portion of my mind (which believes each storm cloud will pass and the sun will come out when the emotional climate has calmed) feels ready to pull today's train of thought into the station, where my mind has need to rest until my daily urge to ponder over life and love compels me to pen a new train of thought, which is sure to emerge from the proactive, insight driven portion of my mind, if not tomorrow then soon after that ...
PS
So here's a surprising question to contemplate: Who would have thought that at this stage of my recovery from PTSD, my repetitive nightmare would have emerged from within my depths, causing me to scream so loudly for help as to cause me to awaken and hold tight to Will, who held me close and stroked my hair until I stopped shaking, while reassuring me, repeatedly, that I was safe in his arms, because he'd never let anyone hurt me, again, And as my thirsty mind drank in Will's loving words while his protective embrace took care of the young girl, who lives and breathes deep inside the fearful portion of my subconscious, I felt the consciously insightful woman and vulnerable child blend into one, and if you think to ask why this most recent bout of PTSD attacked with such ferocity while I was asleep and vulnerable to despair, I'd reply ...
So who would have thought that that attack of PTSD would have attacked my peace of mind right after returning from a wonderful weekend at a luxury hotel on the coast, near to Barry, David, Marie, her sweet boys, Katy, and several of Barry and David's dear friends, who, having befriended Will and me, came together to welcome us into their hearts along with a passel of their little ones, who were too adorable and funny for words ...
Then, who would have thought that after landing at home in the desert, where we unpacked and readied ourselves to celebrate the birthday of our dear friend from Seattle at dinner before hugging them on their way to fly back to the great northwest, I'd go to sleep and fight for my life in that dream?
Why would My subconscious release that dream after we returned home from dinner to receive Steven's call, asking to make plans for a get together with Ravi on Wednesday, and while at the restaurant, my nephew called to FaceTime with his sweet, newborn son ...
Though the emergence of subconscious fear, stirring up defensiveness against the deep, dark past, seems to make little sense, insight into deeper truth suggests that layers of unexamined fear persist in troubling my conscious mind turning my think tank into a trampoline filled with jumping beans, scattering logical trains of thoughts upside down and inside out until my Line of Control places fear in time out, and I calm down ... write an intuitive post and fall back to sleep all tuckered out ...
As to why I had that dream ... I believe it was triggered by watching a child in California, whom I love, struggling to understand that which adults can't fathom about the intricacies of love and life ... In short, I think the child's distress triggered last night's unresolved bout of Deja's Vu within my mind, because dealing with bullying attitudes does not end when adults leave childhood behind. In fact, lots of adults go through life with no clue that being a grown up suggests developing the intuitive powers to know when it's best to tighten the reins on one's tongue during conflict in hopes of reconsidering an egocentric perception in time to muzzle a mean minded reply that will propel change for the worse straight down hill rather than taking time out on the spot to reorganize your mind as a whole in order to choose words so wisely that over the long run, you gain insight into how best to lead the whole clan toward conscientiously working to create change for the better, all around ...
No comments:
Post a Comment