Sooo ... on Friday and Saturday, Will and sixteen year old David pull away from our house in hopes of hunting down a tank, thus offering our youngest son a safe vehicle to drive.
Though they'd test driven a burgundy Nissan Pathfinder that David loved, son number three knew full well that his dad's car buying decisions were based upon getting a steal of a deal. So when, after two days of driving from lot to lot, they came home empty handed, youngest brother felt naturally disappointed but not surprised ... until Sunday, when Will disappeared on his own ...
Earlier this week (2013), while thirty seven year old David and I sat on a lovely, fifth floor veranda, gazing lazily over a serene ocean view during breakfast, our youngest son opened his memory bank and began to withdraw details that had impacted him with enough significance to deposit inside his mind, concerning that early time in his life: "Dad walked into the house and approached me, grinning widely." (This came as a surprise, because at that time, his father's smiles were scare unless one of his teams had just won a game.) "Before I could so much as ask, 'what's going on', Dad marched me into the garage, and as soon as I saw what was parked there, I let out an OMG! WOW! When Dad handed me the keys to the Pathfinder, I still couldn't believe it."
So at that time, we owned Will's first Q45 Infinity, a beautiful, ebony-green 4door sedan; my first Infinity, a very cool, black, 2door M30 coupe, which, though small and sleek, had been ranked amongst the safest vehicles built in its class; the white, Le Baron convertible with gray and charcoal trimmed Mark Cross interior and a previously owned, almost new, burgundy Pathfinder, which I did not realize was David's favorite car until the two of us reminisced while enjoying our quiet moment of togetherness during breakfast, earlier this week.
As you can see, life had changed from that newly-wed time when Will and I did not own a stick of furniture or a car, at all :)
If at this point you asked, exactly when did Will decide to give the Le Baron to Barry, well, though I've tried to coax that detail out of my memory, all I can remember, right now, is this: Barry was overjoyed upon receiving the convertible soon after his graduation from Tufts. And here's a detail of which I'd no recollection, at all: Barry just told me that he remembers driving the Celica from our home in the southwestern desert to some family celebration in Chicago before continuing his cross-country drive to D.C., where he'd attended law school. And if you think I'm trying to screw with your mind by leaping over details that fill in the blanks between our offering the Le Baron to Barry and his driving off in the Celica, please think again.
You see, each time I believe myself ready to describe the smokin' hot event that scared us enough to replace the convertible with the Celica, another fact, rounding out the bigger picture of how each person in our family learned to resolve conflicts, peaceably, pops into my mind. And as each fact details another aspect of conflict resolution, which we'd needed to develop, I allow the emergence of those memories to grab the full attention of my mind—momentarily. And then, just as life evolves one insightful lesson at a time, so does this saga of my life unfold, post by post :)
When it comes to resolving conflict, you may have surmised that I believe it's wise not to talk to yes-men who listen and agree with eveything I say, thus making me feel better about my traits. When surrounded by yes-men, I am not challenged to penetrate into the depths of resolving conflicts by diving deep enough into my think tank to discover traits that are still half baked.
By choosing confidantes who challenge me to reconsider narrow attitudes in need of expansion, I find myself deepening shallow opinions of myself, others, and life in general. Most importantly, I've come to recognize the difference between 'shoulds' (that limit my scope and therefore my options) and personal needs (which when met, expand my connection to thriving :)
If you ask how I can tell if I've been talking primarily to yes-men, here is my reply:
If like a caged gerbil on a wheel
I continue to circle the same conflict for years
Without achieving any indication of resolution
My mind is most likely closed to insights offered up by those
Who see traits in me that undermine personal growth
But I'm so fearful of identifying those traits that
My ego calls upon denial to blind me to
Any point of view other than my own, and thus
Instead of considering that which may be a more expansive view
I close my mindset to any view, offering clarity in terms of
Recognizing insight into the bigger picture, which
I do not yet want to see ...
And thus do we come to another reason as to why our memory banks withhold certain details from conscious awareness:
Mother Nature created our defense systems to build walls around details too painful to recall. You know, like walling off certain traumatizing events from conscious awareness that my sixth sense 'remembers viserally', but my defense mechanism of denial has yet to allow me to recall. And that insight draws my mind back to the statement (written several posts back) uttered by our neighbor, twice winner of The Indy 500, on that fatal night when a drunk driver rammed into the rear of the car that rolled with our precious offspring inside:
The wall always wins ...
Ever since that frightful night
I've made good use of that expression in this way:
The wall always wins unless
PASSION to experience pure joy overcomes
My fear of details too horrific to remember until
I consciously decide to muster
Every inner strength that I've worked for years to develop
And each time I choose to take courageous CONTROL over logic
In hopes of peeling away at many layers of my emotional wall
Defensive reactions are minimized while I'm brainstorming with
Those who challenge me in nurturing ways to open
My memory bank's locked doors in order to
Heal myself, little by little, from childhood trauma, which
From time to time, undermines my self trust and narrows my views, until
One day I'll breathe free of yesteryear's constraints enough to say:
Free at last! Free at last! Free to be wholesomely ME, at last!
BTW, refering back to yesterday's riddle, I've already named those two opposing forces, which each of us must learn to balance if we hope to work toward achieving success in any of life's endeavors:
PASSION and CONTROL :)
Passion provides the brain's dynamic force of energy
Control provides the brain's leveling force of logic, so that over the long haul of each one's life, we can track narrow attitudes in need of expansion, and in this way we can switch tracks instead of remaining stuck on a circuitous track that leads no where other than heightening one's own sense of personal discontent.
In closing for today, please believe me when I say that I'm as hopeful as you may be that my mind will not feel the need to sidetrack away from disclosing the last, missing detail, which will bring this particular story in my family saga, concerning Fire! Fire! Everywhere! to ... The End :)
As you can see, life had changed from that newly-wed time when Will and I did not own a stick of furniture or a car, at all :)
If at this point you asked, exactly when did Will decide to give the Le Baron to Barry, well, though I've tried to coax that detail out of my memory, all I can remember, right now, is this: Barry was overjoyed upon receiving the convertible soon after his graduation from Tufts. And here's a detail of which I'd no recollection, at all: Barry just told me that he remembers driving the Celica from our home in the southwestern desert to some family celebration in Chicago before continuing his cross-country drive to D.C., where he'd attended law school. And if you think I'm trying to screw with your mind by leaping over details that fill in the blanks between our offering the Le Baron to Barry and his driving off in the Celica, please think again.
You see, each time I believe myself ready to describe the smokin' hot event that scared us enough to replace the convertible with the Celica, another fact, rounding out the bigger picture of how each person in our family learned to resolve conflicts, peaceably, pops into my mind. And as each fact details another aspect of conflict resolution, which we'd needed to develop, I allow the emergence of those memories to grab the full attention of my mind—momentarily. And then, just as life evolves one insightful lesson at a time, so does this saga of my life unfold, post by post :)
When it comes to resolving conflict, you may have surmised that I believe it's wise not to talk to yes-men who listen and agree with eveything I say, thus making me feel better about my traits. When surrounded by yes-men, I am not challenged to penetrate into the depths of resolving conflicts by diving deep enough into my think tank to discover traits that are still half baked.
By choosing confidantes who challenge me to reconsider narrow attitudes in need of expansion, I find myself deepening shallow opinions of myself, others, and life in general. Most importantly, I've come to recognize the difference between 'shoulds' (that limit my scope and therefore my options) and personal needs (which when met, expand my connection to thriving :)
If you ask how I can tell if I've been talking primarily to yes-men, here is my reply:
If like a caged gerbil on a wheel
I continue to circle the same conflict for years
Without achieving any indication of resolution
My mind is most likely closed to insights offered up by those
Who see traits in me that undermine personal growth
But I'm so fearful of identifying those traits that
My ego calls upon denial to blind me to
Any point of view other than my own, and thus
Instead of considering that which may be a more expansive view
I close my mindset to any view, offering clarity in terms of
Recognizing insight into the bigger picture, which
I do not yet want to see ...
And thus do we come to another reason as to why our memory banks withhold certain details from conscious awareness:
Mother Nature created our defense systems to build walls around details too painful to recall. You know, like walling off certain traumatizing events from conscious awareness that my sixth sense 'remembers viserally', but my defense mechanism of denial has yet to allow me to recall. And that insight draws my mind back to the statement (written several posts back) uttered by our neighbor, twice winner of The Indy 500, on that fatal night when a drunk driver rammed into the rear of the car that rolled with our precious offspring inside:
The wall always wins ...
Ever since that frightful night
I've made good use of that expression in this way:
The wall always wins unless
PASSION to experience pure joy overcomes
My fear of details too horrific to remember until
I consciously decide to muster
Every inner strength that I've worked for years to develop
And each time I choose to take courageous CONTROL over logic
In hopes of peeling away at many layers of my emotional wall
Defensive reactions are minimized while I'm brainstorming with
Those who challenge me in nurturing ways to open
My memory bank's locked doors in order to
Heal myself, little by little, from childhood trauma, which
From time to time, undermines my self trust and narrows my views, until
One day I'll breathe free of yesteryear's constraints enough to say:
Free at last! Free at last! Free to be wholesomely ME, at last!
BTW, refering back to yesterday's riddle, I've already named those two opposing forces, which each of us must learn to balance if we hope to work toward achieving success in any of life's endeavors:
PASSION and CONTROL :)
Passion provides the brain's dynamic force of energy
Control provides the brain's leveling force of logic, so that over the long haul of each one's life, we can track narrow attitudes in need of expansion, and in this way we can switch tracks instead of remaining stuck on a circuitous track that leads no where other than heightening one's own sense of personal discontent.
In closing for today, please believe me when I say that I'm as hopeful as you may be that my mind will not feel the need to sidetrack away from disclosing the last, missing detail, which will bring this particular story in my family saga, concerning Fire! Fire! Everywhere! to ... The End :)
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