661 MORE ABOUT DARK TO BRIGHT TO DARK TO BRIGHT ...

Added depth of insight to post 653 ... from dark to bright
(Rather than referring you back, here is greater part of post revised :)

You've often heard me say the mind has two sides ... dark and bright

Having spent more than five minutes in the company of a brain such as mine, can you tell when the dark side of my mind grabs control over the bright side ... which thank goodness sparkles strongly and naturally, most often, because that's who I know myself to be at my core?

I wonder if you realize that my strength of spirit guides and adjusts my decision making machine?  I wonder if that's true of you?  Or if after airing your thoughts, does your inner strength wain and your cockles rankle if others disagree?  In truth fess up ... How would your family suggest that your think tank reacts when conflict gets your dander up at home?  Would your family view your level of reactiveness as emoting:  You're with me or against me ... no questions asked, no buts about it ... it's my way or the highway; meaning that all attempts at discussion cycle round, same old, same old, suggesting that conflicts remain unresolved; then when years of discussions, fraught with frustration, go no place that feels good to anyone involved, you feel shocked when last straws break the camel's back.  If this pattern sounds familiar to your family, do you realize how often we fail to treat family—when tension, arising from conflict gets too hot to handle—as respectfully as we handle conflict with beloved friends?  When in the heat of conflict, who in your family flings insulting judgements around?  Which members of your family are afraid to inflame the wrath of your anger?  If yes-men man your support system, what may be wrong with that bigger picture?

Suggestion:  Please take out a mirror. Who do you see?  Manipulative Mad Men, Yes-man or Voice of spirit, challenging conflict to resolve by way of positively focused methodology, embracing the concept of Win-Win?

BTW—WinWin does not mean 50/50.  Defined with utter simplicity...
*WinWin means mutual respect does not get lost in the shuffle.

Here's an insight not posed in my blog—as of yet.  This insight is the reason why I've chosen to reference post 653, spotlighting Dark vs Bright:

*When working to deepen your sense of awareness, please consider the frequency with which attitude and choice are one and the same.

For example, let's consider combative vs fearful attitudes:  During conflict how quickly does tension cause your mind to darken with anger?  Or quake with fear?  Does your reaction to conflict change depending upon whom the conflict is with?

*Resentful attitudes cause us to drag our feet.
*Angry attitudes cause us to gear up for battle, reducing listening skills.
*Fearful attitudes cause self confidence to implode.
*Resentful, angry, fearful attitudes heighten tension

Imploding self confidence proves costly when decisions concerning your welfare or the welfare of those you love are under serious consideration.

*If you agree that it's wise to consider thoughts that may expand on your own then common sense suggests that erupting disagreement need not cause the boldness or calmness of one's spirit to fold.

I wonder if you can see why my awareness of harboring a junk drawer inside my brain separates me from most others who have no clue that inability to tolerate tension, often produced by inner conflict, ultimately wrecks our most vital relationships?

Rather than splaying thoughts like this around:

Look what you're doing to me?
You're making my hair fall out!
I can't sleep because of you!
You're making me crazy!

All statements made by—victims

I take time out to question whether my junk drawer opens with certain people too quickly.

I also find it helpful to remind myself that ...
*Every victim needs a villain to blame for one's pain ...

*Each time my junk drawer flies open, ghosts from the past suck at my most confident strengths till it's plain to see my spirit collapse.

*Upon realizing that my larger-than-life spirit felt compressed within a narrow space each time specific individuals made their needs known to me, my attitude said:  Hey!  What's up with that?  With that conscious awareness, I began to question the good health of certain relationships, which I'd considered close.

Do you remember my writing about close vs 

*Once conscious awareness grabs on to clarity, an attitude shift within my think tank empowers me as a whole to close my junk drawer, which raises my self confidence, which lessens my sense of inner conflict, which lessens tension, which lightens my mood, which allows me to think clearly enough to disenfranchise the presence of any individual from sucking the strength of my spirit dry.  Whew!

Attitudes, like choices are not written in stone, unless you've no clue that:
*Closed mind sets make a trampoline of your brain.

Thank goodness my spirit's thirst for solution-seeking knowledge is never quenched.  If asked which came first, the chicken or the egg?  I reply who knows?  Not me.  What I do know for certain is this:

Mind over matter is what matters most, meaning that the good health of my spirit is determined by the bent of my mind, and the bent of my mind is determined by attitudes that run the spectrum from darkly narrowed to brightly expanded when considering view points other than my own ... most especially when family conflict appears to be closing in on last straws.  

Like the sun energizing the earth
Mindful streams of positive thoughts inject my spirit
With bright beams of energetic strength
Emanating from within my core...
Permeating my brain with healthy thoughts ...
And with lust for the best life has to offer pulsing through my blood
I am responsible for getting that junk drawer inside my mind
To close up shop, again and again
Why?
Because it tends to open when I get confused ...
And by leaving it unattended
Confusion grows more severe
Knowing that junk drawer has a tricky lock
I ask for help
And each time confusion clears and that junk drawer is closed good and tight
My mind is open to absorb healthy schools of thought
Resultant of healthy thought
Vulnerability vanishes
Allowing me to experience
The thrill of believing myself not at all invisible but honestly
Invincible ... until ...
Something pokes at a dark spot
Causing that junk drawer to fly open ... yet again
And my self confidence slips into the murky past until
My spirit succeeds in freeing its energizing strength
Which inspires me to climb up that ladder of self esteem
Where rungs, made of insights
Spotlight solid beliefs that inject my mind
With bright thoughts, highlighting character traits
I've worked to acquire
And as hard won acquired  traits, along with insight into deeper truths
Lift my self esteem to greater heights
I manage to shut that junk drawer, whenever necessary ...
Whew!
Being a person, recovering from trauma ...
Most especially trauma only partially recalled ...
Can feel as thorny as a rose garden ...
Which no one promised me
So I had to plant one for myself
And every now and then
I need to rid my mind of weeds
That tend to pop up quick as a Jack-in-the-box
So if I ask lots of questions
Please know that I'm looking to
Relaxing my mind amidst the flowers
Which grew from a dreamscape within a young girl's mind
Into the reality of the expansive attitudes that I choose as my own, today  :) 

And as this, my friends, is what is known as

Stream of consciousness describing the human condition ...

As I know it ...

All I can say—in addition to—oy vey—is this:

When it comes to reconditioning my mind

Your friend, Annie, will not stay stuck in a dark spot

Where insecurity looms tall, over all

For very long, ever again :)

Gosh, when sitting down to write, today

I'd no clue that insights were about to pop out

Non stop, like pop corn!

So, what came first?

Strength of spirit

Or insights offering clarity of thought

Leading to positively focused attitudes?

As I know what I think after reading this post ...

I'd love to hear your take ...

Comment box always eager to be fed ...

So here's today's riddle:

Which rules over all …

Strength of spirit or Bright side of your mind or Junk drawer?

Hint:  Check attitude before responding, because, as always, the choice is yours …

So what do you most often choose to rule over all?

Spirit?  Mind?  Junk?

660 ... (644) UHHH ... I FEEL A STRONG INSTINCT TO ADD ONE MORE THOUGHT ...

Here is the second post I found languishing in drafts :)
Additional insight into relegating a slice of brain toward becoming a child whisperer ... :)

With patience, good humor and common sense, based in an accumulation of knowledge, it's been my experience to focus mindfully upon shaping young minds by conjuring up experiments, which tend to bend most often toward success. :)

Often times, an added ingredient, necessary for success, goes by the name of luck.  For example: After airing my frustrations on that park bench, I had the good fortune to receive insightful advice instead of feeling slugged with judgmental distain ...

Need I say that advice does not always prove helpful?
Need I say that some advice assured me that children need corporal punishment?
Need I repeat that I was a rookie, rather than a seasoned player?
Need I say that, at times, my temper matched that of a two year old, who had no clue that he had the right to look up to me for positively focused guidance?

I mean didn't he mimic me when I showed him how to make bye-bye?
Didn't he mimic me, automatically when I showed him how to make ...
How big is the baby?
Or pat-a-cake?
Or yell, NOOO! the moment my temper grabbed control over my think tank, freeing MY wild thing to tie MY sense of logic into tight knots of anger!

Hey!  If I demand logic from a two or three or four or fifteen year old brain then who's brain must look up at me to see how a self disciplined coach consciously extracts self controlled logic from the tree that supports the bend of the twig?

I mean didn't my two year old deserve the same level of patience from me that I'd expected, prematurely from him? Oh my gosh!  If his fits of anger stimulated my think tank to feel fit to be tied then two brains, capable of learning to adhere to logical problem solving techniques, were engaging in power struggles that dinotwithstanding but confuse them both.

Just as premies are in need of incubators before they can function independently, an unruly two year old demonstrates a classic developmental need to inhale PATIENT inner strengths from me ... which truthfully, I'd not yet developed!!  As my ego did not take kindly to insights, revealing deeper truths that showcase immaturity emanating from my think tank ... I've learned to sit my ego and my impatience in a time out chair, so my thought processor remains cool and clear at those times when think tanks, surrounding me, are malfunctioning, due to over heating ...

See what I mean about developing an awareness for tuning into insightful trains of thought, backed by a wealth of knowledge that makes sense of nonsense, which defies common sense?  :)

Okay—let's buckle up in my time machine and zoom forward about a dozen years on the time line :)

659 (645) RETRAIN YOUR BRAIN TO BECOME A CHILD WHISPERER Insight one :)

Just realized that post 645 ... HOW TO RETRAIN YOUR BRAIN TO BECOME A CHILD WHISPERER was never published, So upon attaching my ego to its time out chair, I'll  humbly acknowledge and rectify that mistake.  Actually, post 646 is waiting in drafts, as well. So, 646 will show up as 660.

What happens when we're sick and our minds can't functioning up to snuff?  We make mistakes.

As this post was written several days ago and saved in drafts while I was unwell, my think tank was not up to snuff.  If you read it before I have time to correct a slew of mistakes, please accept my apology in advance of the editing process that is most assuredly needed.  With that said, let's see where my train of thought was headed earlier this week:

If we can clear mental or emotional confusion from the air, all around, a shared sense of solution seeking calmness eases our way toward being on the same page.  When no one feels angry, tug of war is less likely to shape up, even though several levels of emotional development exist within the family.  In short, parents need to ask themselves this vital question:  How often do you expect a young child to understand a concept that's beyond his developmental level of comprehension?  Example?  We're late!  Late for what?  Does a young child have any concept of time?  Can he even tell time?  Or how about ... We can't afford it.  What?  Of course we can!  Just open your wallet and take out your magic plastic card!  See what I mean about simplifying your process to match inexperience, looking up to you, believing you to be Oz, whose kiss makes every owy better?

Okay ... Ready or not, let's shift gears toward retraining our brains in hopes of achieving a child whisperer's long range goals at home :)

So where we're we?  Oh yes ... We were contemplating this question:
Want to retrain your brain to become a child whisperer?
If you answered yes ...
Check out insights, such as these:

INSIGHT ONE:
Set a LONG range goal to create an emotional environment where positive role modeling takes place consciously, meaning that heightened levels of patience feel... natural to the adult brain that is coaching a child to parrot open minded thinking, speaking and LISTENING skills :)

INSIGHT TWO:

Know that during conflict resolution preschoolers instinctively sense seven charismatic strengths:

Calm, level headed common sense

Self confidence

Patience

Positively focused generosity of spirit

Inner peace

Mutual respect (Suggesting consideration for their well fare equals that of your own)

A healthy dollop of good humored creativity (inventiveness, ingenuity, most especially, eye-rolling corn). I mean, whose brain apt more to learn ... a child who's giggling or laughing? :)

Tall order?

That's why you need a plan

INSIGHT THREE:

When families embrace problem-solving plans, tension produced by conflict decreases all around.  Once tension is calmed, attitudes embracing the concept of resolving conflicts by way of win-win have countless opportunities to develop in your home
BTW win-win does not mean everyone gets an equal vote ... Parents are leaders ... Positively focused leaders ... Positive focus is the crux of win-win's success in terms of developing the concept of generosity of spirit as the future unfolds.  As human existence has evolved into a more complicated fashion of living then that of lower animal life, we are given eighteen years to raise a child.  Now, compare that with six weeks in which a kitten learns to be in readiness to leave its mom ... Pups take longer ... Show a pup kitty litter and watch it poop up your  persian rug!  Eighteen years ... Means relax in terms of adult  reactions and mature behaviors that you're attempting to 'push' into young minds ... prematurely.

If asked why most of my problem solving plans are reduced to three steps I'd respond:

During moments fraught with conflict the mind tenses with emotion

Emotion minimizes logic

A mind, tense with emotion, can't remember more than three steps :)

If you find that employing all seven strengths during tense moments fraught with conflict proves difficult, please advance to The Three Step Sanity Saving Problem Solving Plan found in STEP TWO :)

INSIGHT FOUR:

Whenever problem solving proves necessary, rely upon a three step plan ... simple enough for a frustrated adult to explain to a four year old, whose cognitive skills develop by digesting one step at a time.  How do I know this to be true?  While my youngest son watched from the sidelines, his mother's mind continued to work aloud at refining this untried plan with his older brothers.  At that time I believed a four year old mind too young to understand that which his brothers absorbed.  Then one day, much to my delighted surprise, I found my assumption wrong.  If asked how I knew, for a fact, that my four year old's attentive mind had been digesting every morsel fed to his brothers, I'd reply:  I listened to him outline the plan for his friend!!  That story will follow in the aftermath of this brief explanation of our plan: 

Our Family's Three-Step-Sanity-Saving-Problem-Solving Plan :) :)

Step one:    Calmly state the problem

Step two:    Confidently determine a rule

Step three:  Consistently state fitting logical or natural consequence that follows when this rule is broken

In case I forget, please remind me and aforementioned story will happily be sent, soon :)

658 A CLUE AS TO WHY REORGANIZING BRAIN IS TOUGH—BUT WORTH IT! :)

During my twenties, I had yet to learn that children empower others with estimating their sense of self worth.

During my thirties, I worked at empowering my children to think for themselves by consciously considering consequences resultant of their choices.

During my forties, I'd no clue that having empowered my children to choose for themselves, I had need to clarify those who continued to disenfranchise my connection to self empowerment.

During my forties, my self help library had focused upon raising responsible children with high self esteem rather than addressing my own.  At that time my articles focused upon injecting humor into child rearing techniques.

During my forties, this mind bending insight hit:  As soon as adults get mad they act just like defensive kids.  At the first hint of conflict wafting through the air, the mind's think tank shuts down thus loosening the reins on these basic animal instincts:  fight, flee or freeze in place.  Once the wild thing uncages, all sense of logic burns to a crisp.  As that insight hit, I thought—Wow!  As soon as I sniff conflict in the air, it's best to straighten my thinking cap, set my ego's defense system to one side and figure out how to calm every wild thing within earshot to remain rational, clear headed adults.  Upon adding this insight to the arsenal of insights brightening my mind, my participation in heated conversations began to chug along a much more conscious track in terms of heightening this listening skill:  I began to discern whether any hot spots may have ignited emotional combustion within the minds of whomever had begun to react irrationally.  In this way did my listening prowess deepen.  Though this insight proved quite helpful when conflict resolution depended upon two cool, objective minds working in tandem, I still had no clue as to what ignited my hot spots or with whom my self esteem continued to spring insecure leaks.

During my fifties, I had no clue that subconscious fears forbade my spirit's vitality to fly free of constraint.  My defensive shield forbade me from recognizing how readily my spirit sagged when my best efforts failed to resolve conflicts with those I'd loved or admired.  At the first sign of another's displeasure or destain, my spirit's natural surge of self empowered energy plummeted from soaring, creatively, to shrinking and sinking, quick as a pinprick pops a balloon.  In short, my focus aimed at taking better care of the needs of others than my own.

In retrospect, I had no clue that during two vital stages of classic child development, a series emotional tornados had swooped into my life, causing my sense of clarity—and thus my self trust (self confidence)—to hollow out.  I'd no clue that a master sleuth had need to back track into my youth in hopes of recovering memories, buried within my subconscious, which riddled my conscious mind with insecurities.  As these insecurities were subconscious in nature, I was blocked from recognizing narrow mind sets that caused my brain cells to absorb a consistent sense of self worth.

During my fifties a series of mind-blowing experiences offered my me reason to absorb existential thought patterns learned in my youth.  Once these existential theories, which I'd memorized but not internalized, transitioned into beliefs, absorbed organically, transformation, resembling the metamorphosis of caterpillar to butterfly, flying free to BE ME, got a jump start, at last ...

In retrospect, while my mind underwent those first vital steps of transition from confusion toward clarity in terms of my vulnerabilities and strengths, I still had no clue that accepting myself as a whole depended upon uncovering insecurities, hiding from me, subconsciously.

During my fifties, my memory bank must have absorbed more self esteem building experiences than anyone knew, including me, because once my mind turned inward, nothing, including hurtful judgments, could turn my inner compass around ... And the more I came to see the person I'd grown to be with clarity, the more my spirit's natural, sparkling inner strengths shone out from within my core.  From that time on, clarity became my spirit's best friend :)

Amazingly, as self discovery forged on, my mind, heart and spirit began to connect differently with everyone I knew.  Why?  Because each time a narrow mind set had reason to expand, my attitudes changed—for the better in this way:  As my attitude, concerning myself, improved, my spirit mustered the strength to place my trust in those who openly supported my goal of improving my life.  This meant I had to recognize those who loved me but harbored attitudes that acted like viruses, dizzying my decision making machine.  In case this is news to you, undergoing mental transition is famous for making waves with those you love.

The first time I worked at removing the pleaser's self imposed yoke from my mind was twenty years ago, and at that time, no one was more shocked by my decisions than me.  The second time I worked my mind to the bone, removing a yoke of servitude, self imposed during my youth, occurred during the last decade of my life.  Actually, upon second thought ... same yoke ... in need of being identified twice.  And having worked to identify and remove a yoke that 'forbade' me to develop into a stronger version of myself twice is more than enough experience for me to decide that I'll not allow that dark spot in my brain to suck the whole of me into that junk drawer, ever again!

Even today, it's hard for the pleaser in me to recognize how far I bend toward pleasing the needs of others.  Knowing this, I've recently set up a barometer inside my head that works like this.  When my spirit starts to sink, I ask myself this question:  Did something snap my junk drawer open wide enough to suck me in or is it time to re-evaluate how much of my time and energy I'm offering to another who seems to be drifting toward a sense of growing complacency with me? 

Food for thought:
Do you ever wonder if a person you love is in need of discovering a junk drawer with a quick trigger release that snaps open, too easily?  If so, I hope your loved one uncovers subconscious dark spots years younger than I discovered mine ... because it's only wise for all of us to strengthen our spirits by taking control over the pathways of our minds ...
As for me, I'm redirecting my focus toward happy trails till next we meet ...
:)Annie

657. KAZAKHSTAN ... TURNED THE CORNER :)

Let's bid welcome to Kazakhstan! :)
Glad to have you aboard! :)

As for the stubborn bug that tried to throw my good health overboard, I'm glad to say the healing properties of an antibiotic made that pirate walk the plank. As today was spent playing catch up, getting everything done that had piled up over these past two weeks, your friend, Annie, who had need to learn the value of deveoping a voice unafraid of making boat rocking waves, is once again captain of her ship.  And now that Captain Cornball's mind, body and spirit feel ship shape, I'll log out by wishing you a hearty good night, mates! :)

656 AS SEEN IN POST 476 MY MIND IS ON A MISSION :)

Once again, I sat down at my computer, clicked on stats and saw a post that several of you have chosen to read, today.  Post 476 reveals a conversation I had with my mom, soon after we lost my dad, unexpectedly.  I say unexpectedly, because Dad was not ill, so his death came as a shock to most. On the other hand, Dad's death did not come out of the blue, because at 87 he'd been failing, so anyone aware of life's step by step process might have 'sensed' the clock ticking down ... I remember listening to Mom mistake this process for depression ... All he wants to do is sleep ... Though agreeing at first, I watched my beloved father's larger-than-life personality decline with a growing sense of wonder as to whether his spirt's waining energy over that last year of his life signaled his transition from life to whatever lies beyond ... We often sense before we know.  Then there are times when knowing we should feel an emotion we can't fathom what causes that emotion to numb up, as when Mother Nature deems it best to instruct the defense system to numb emotion (or block memory) in the aftermath of trauma, leaving one to lug subconscious baggage forward, which may be identified and unloaded at a later stage in life when maturity readies the conscious mind to heal wounds, left festering in the past ...

When scratching our heads about the reactions of others or when considering changes that we don't yet understand within ourselves, common sense suggests that we remember this vital fact:  The mind is called the last frontier, because science is just scratching the surface concerning all that remains unknown within the deep end of our thinking machines.  Unfortunately, rather than keeping that vital fact in the forefront of our minds, we underestimate how often we cast judgments without having a clue concerning the active life that takes place within the subconscious portion of our minds where secrets kept from oneself are stored. 

Though Post 476 does not dive into unexpected, unwelcome, step-by-step changes that took place in the aftermath of my dad's death, I've chosen to paste that post into today's post for newcomers to my blog for this reason:  I'm famous for being openly loquacious about how I feel about pretty much everything,  so you'd think that no one, who thought to know me well, should have been surprised by the fact that my conscious mind is always engaged in an active state of transition.  On the other hand, whenever change is afoot last straws seem to come as a surprise to any mind that remains defensively blocked from seeing the future's step by step approach.  As you shall see, I believe it's highly possible to perceive consequential changes as the future unfolds ... because for the most part the future unfolds, day by day, before our our eyes.  And that's why I've come to appreciate the fact that responsible folk must grow more aware of those times when subconscious fear of the truth is the reason why they fly with eyes wide shut ...

As to reviewing old posts, I tend to do that from time to time for a variety of reasons.  Sometimes, I'm curious as to whether insight has expanded my perspective in ways that alter today's stance from the past.  Or I may be reviewing old posts, today, because writing afresh feels too much of a task while I'm Ill.

Whatever the reason, every post hones in on this train of thought:  Not only can people of both genders change at all ages, but change we most certainly do.  Why is that true?  Because change is the only constant in life. Therefore, everything that's alive exists in a state of flux including the human brain.  Use it or lose it.  Repair it or continue to abuse it's powers.  As awareness deepens, the brain empowers itself to heal itself.  :)

Believe it or not, the direction that change takes is most often a matter of choice as in:
Life is great—much more often than not!
Or
Bah humbug! This stage of life (golden years?) is not matching my expectations, and it's not my fault ... so if I'm stuck in a bad place and if I need to believe it's not my fault then the fault must be—yours!

This need to cast objective optimistic views aside in favor of pointing egocentric fingers of blame at others showcases the churlish, childish, fickle side of a person's defense system's perspective ... 

With good mental health we can balance both views of life by deepening our train of thought as in ...
Life is a day at the beach and it's also a bitch
When life's a bitch I can take control over certain aspects of what's going wrong by looking in to see which of my attitudes is long over due in terms of switching tracks—clickity clack ... :)

Knowing myself to be consistently in some stage of transition, my quest for self discovery directs me to remain aware of where my brain is directing me to next.  And with each step that I consciously choose to take into the great unknown, adventure awaits to thrill me by transforming the dreams of a young girl from impossibility toward today's exhilarating reality  :)

And if, while holding fast to basic values, I feel a strong need to bend a rule in hopes of transforming yesterday's dreamscape into a mind bending reality that is my choice of action—today.

Though that conversation took place somewhere around 2003 and was written and saved as a document, shortly after that, post 476 was written in May of 2012.  Also, post 476 dives into the middle of that conversation.  For those of you who have not made your way back to read earlier posts, family secrets opened up in posts preceding 476, which are titled NO NO NOT AGAIN!

Hey!  Look how much my thought processor pounded out anew!  I'll take this as another sign that my immune system must be clearing my head of gunk. :)  Gosh!  Can't wait till I feel good as new!

In the meantime, ready or not, here comes the tale end of that conversation I had while swaying back and forth with my mom on my patio swing circa 2003:

"... I believe our pendulum is still swinging away from the repressive Victorian age toward the opposite extreme—sex running wild, unbridalled—at all ages—through our streets, today.  When the subject is a mature (responsible) sense of sex, our society’s not yet achieved a healthy balance between lust and self control.  And sex is just one symptom of today's laxity in terms of self discipline, because everywhere we look, everything we value is coming undone.  *When everything we value comes undone, denial is dismissing the fact that our values and priorities no longer match.

*When we talk about responsible values, generosity of spirit and compassion but prioritize greed and self fulfillment while big budiness steps all over 'the little guy', that points toward a serious detachment from reality.  In order to detach from reality, we must lie to ourselves.
For many reasons we’re at a point on the time line where people of both sexes feel driven to work, work, work—without paying enough mind to considering what has actually caused us to lose all sense of balance in terms of controlling our emotions at home, as well as our finances.  Case in point ... Highlighting a society out of control?  We're losing our homes and gunning down innocent children.  Rather than injecting healthy slices of common sense into the hectic pace of our exhausted lives, we’ve been blowing up a fast food, pill-pushing, over-extended, over-weight, X-rated, plastic bubble for so many decades that smart people are accustomed to arriving home too late and exhausted to think clearly about helping with homework, much less participating in family fun with kids, who are over-programmed as well.  For Pete's sake, Mom, here we are, living in a mild climate where people, who ignore the state of our natural environment, run indoors in gyms that cost a fortune.  Tell me how that makes sense?

  I've watched many, who believe themselves to be good, honest folk, lying to themselves and cheating on each other in so many ways that it should come as no surprise to anyone that this plastic bubble of our own making is in the process of bursting before our astounded (?) eyes.  Can you see how all of this points to a nation in denial, Mom?

  Too few of us are aware of the fact that the values we profess to believe in have not matched our priorities for quite some time.  This is why all of the huffing and puffing we do does nothing but blow up a lot of hot air.  *Our nation has been tottering at the top of a pyramid scheme, which has been undermining our solid foundation for so long that we expect our hurried children to dance toward high achieving adulthood as fast as they can in hopes that they, who learn by mimicking us, will come up with ideas that will save middle class values, which having hollowed out, from total collapse, so our nation won't end up in the poorhouse, enmass.

At this pace I fear the best of the younger generation will wear out younger and break down more often than those of us raised during the stable decade of the fifties.  As to tormented kids, whose names are defiled on the evening news, while we continue to sit on our couches, clucking our tongues to hear that 'someone else's' child has been dashing through school halls, blasting loaded guns, left and right.

How can it be that so many of us are unaware of the fact that the reactions of our kids is symptomatic to much that’s gone wrong with adults?”

“Annie, what does all of that have to do with The Pill?”

“For the sake of simplicity, let's say that hindsight suggests that “The Pill” and ‘The Sexual Revolution’ set off a chain reaction, catalyzing so many socially accepted divorces that home life resembles a revolving door.  This is your family, today.  Meet your new family, tomorrow.  Whoops!  Blink once and that family is whisked away and replaced by another ... Circle round, alamand left, switch partners and dosey doe.  Though society is deeply concerned, people get used to anything.  And I believe we've grown too complacent, concerning our present harvest of painfully bruised fruit.  I mean, really!  If the apple doth not fall far from the tree, when are we going to face THE TRUTH about one generation leading the next ever more deeply into denial's dark maze?

More than half of us divorce.  What single mother, who feels chained to punching a corporate time clock from 9-5, feels liberated, Mom?  At best, most working moms feel guilty about how exhausted they are at home after working so hard to climb the corporate ladder.  How many can afford nannies?  What kid wants their nannie at their recital?  Where is it written that nannies, rather than parents, are best suited to raise kids with well rounded family values?

As women, climbing the ladder, compete for the same positions as men, division of labor—at work and at home—has become as mired within the exhausted blur of a power struggle as every other aspect of family life.  If yesterday's slave masters, were named Simon Legree then today’s taskmaster, who no longer discriminates by color, goes by the name of—Big Business.

I'd once feared Big Government turning into Big Brother.  But I was wrong.  While I kept my eye on Big Government, Big Business slipped in and began to call the shots, while the little guy kept running around, like Chicken Little, lamenting our lot.

Life was messy before I was born.  Life is bound to be messy after I'm gone.  While I'm here, I've decided that lamenting is not enough, so I set my focus on spending my time figuring out what needs to be done to clean the cobwebs out of my mind.  All you need do is watch me to see that my thoughts are always undergoing some phase of growth.  But instead of growing, wildly, like a weed.  I grow more thoughtfully aware of where my belief system is in need of adjustment, every day.

*I've come to see that the children of the bible are not the only ones whose minds had been enslaved.  The children of the bible had not been alone in wandering through a darkly confusing maze for FORTY years where each sorely confused sense of self is in dire need of transitioning consciously toward positive change.  No matter which century, nation, neighborhood or family we inhabit— no matter how hard we work to succeed—in lieu of self awareness, the tricky nature of Sodom and Gomorrah will always entice the negatively focused side of the human mind to bend to the selfish side of free will …

"So, what are you writing about, Annie—effective communications or rescuing present day society before family values crash and implode?"

"They're one and the same, Mom.  And here's why that's true:  If more of us do not begin to communicate honestly with ourselves about ourselves, we'll not come to see how negative mindsets, insecure attitudes, and self absorbed leadership exacerbate problems at home as well as around the world.

Once we set a high value on mindful self awareness, we can consciously work together toward becoming pillars of strength, securing a balanced sense of grounded family values in home after home.

*If we don't prioritize family values and model mindful self awareness for our kids then who will?

If it's true that eventually every world power has faced its decline, must we follow suit? By working, mindfully, to prioritize the values upon which our nation had originally grown strong, I feel compelled to ask others to join hands, while we declare, with conviction:

NO!  NO!  NOT AGAIN!
We shall not cave or crash as those who came before us!
We shall overcome and re-strengthen
I have a dream.
How about you?
I want to hold your hand
While we figure out
How to expand our sights
Meet our needs
And retrieve values
Which have been in the process of barreling downhill
Since the sixties!

655 SEEKING KNOWLEDGEABLE ADVICE IN HOPES OF BECOMING A CHILD WHISPER? :)

What would you do if your child was led by a coach or teacher who proved to be a passive aggressive, put down artist?  In four words:
All parents are teachers.
All teachers are coaches.

Would you ask that coach or teacher to choose to influence your child to succeed ways that did not threaten the wholesome development of youth's self esteem?

I was coached by many child whisperers—all authors of books I chose to read. On second thought, I did more than read.  I chose to absorb and put into practice every theory that made sense to me until my think tank had absorbed so many schools of thought that the creative portion of my mind fashioned a theory of my own.  This theory embraced generosity of spirit while injecting swirls of corny humor into natural and logical consequences when requests to end unruly behavior was ignored.  As my long range goal was to raise strong, open minded, independent, responsible, considerate, compassionate, creative adults, no child was hovered over.  No child was coddled or spoiled, even though, from time to time, each one believed the other two had received more attentiveness from me.  And most likely that was true at times when one or another was experiencing a negative situation that caused my brain to zero in more attentively than usual.  Over all, I made it my business to ensure that during classic developmental growth spirts when defiantly independent behavior is to be expected, each felt respected, worthwhile and loved—most especially at those times when need for calm, astute discipline techniques were being meted out by a role model, whose behavior demonstrated that which she expected in return.  Over time, experiments with a wide variety of positive discipline techniques proved that children, raised by adults who are eager to learn to practice good natured, and thus friendly communication, learn to respond with good natured receptivity.  Why?  Simply put:  children parrot.  Monkey see, monkey so.  Apple falls close to tree.  As tree is bent so is the twig.  Children do, not as you say but as you do.  On the other hand, children aquire traits from watching both parents ... And that's the monkey wrench.  My take?  If opposites attract then which of your traits will one child's think tank absorb and mimic vs adopting a spouse's traits, which oppose your own?  More about that in a later post.

My theories prove true, not just with my children.  With thousands of children, raised in homes by droves of parents, who swarmed into my classes.  Each semester, like clockwork, I'd receive this call from the office of the director of the college's parenting program:  Annie, your class closes at 25.  We have many more calling, who are being placed on a waiting list.  Can you take 35?  I'll welcome as many as you decide to allow.  If a mind feels eager to absorb methodology that influences the next generation to problem solve with generosity of spirit in a positive, good humored fashion ... Let me at'em :)

It never mattered if I spoke to a couple, sitting in my living room or 500, filing into an auditorium.  My enthusiastic approach and delivery of original material imparted the same train of thought: learn to embrace five conflict resolving tools, simple enough for a four year old's think tank to absorb, and watch conflicts causing children AND parents to take turns throwing tantrums resolve on the spot.  As success stories proved consistent in home after home, my creative juices remained stoked!  Wow, I'd surmise, if these tools, which conjure up consequences that make sense to adults and children, alike, cause conflicts to disappear into thin air ... just like that, then parents round the world can learn to feel like communication-magicians extraordinaire.  And if the family serves as each child's training ground for adult social interaction then these tools may influence peaceful negotiations amongst nations as never seen before.ways that prove more peaceful

As positive leadership in any field calls for clarity of thought, a child-whisperer coaches parents to identify the subtlety of power struggles that most fail recognize, which is why, in the long run, the concept of win-win can't help but fail.  A child whisperer develops into an experienced coach, whose personal success in the area of creative problem solving, offers time tested suggestions that coach parents to recognize and set power struggling aside in favor of motivating children to WANT to cooperate by conscious choice.  I ‘kid’ you not!  
Learning to differentiate between punishments and consequences is what changes battle fields, where parents and children are opponents, into play fields, where everyone in the family feels and believes he or she is on the same team.

As to original parenting techniques conjured up by my active mind ... though I've blogged a few in a post here or there ... you've not yet met the mother lode who raised three kids to believe that each was second to none.  Stories describing teaching children to get bullies to back down in grammar school, achieving honors in high school while rising to captains of teams, presidents of councils, and asking college and law school deans to please sit down and listen up with mutual respect will flow, by and by.  I mean if there’s one thing I know for sure it’s this:  This mental block to story telling can’t last forever!!!

Clearly, coaching my kids to aim toward short-range goals while learning to balance natural passion with self disciplined patience inspired three pairs of ears to tune into astute guidance, and year after year, each plan that inched toward success proved to be a step by step project.

Over a twenty year period of time, this trio of siblings had been consciouslty coached to comprehend the competitive nature of sibling rivalry, and as understanding served to strengthen their bonds of brotherhood, upon attaining adulthood, their thinking patterns had absorbed the importance of adopting supportive roles that transformed three unique, free thinking teens into all-for-one-and-one-for-all, mutually respecting team mates more often than rivals wrestling each other's vulnerabilities to the mat.

When asked why I believe this year-by-year process met with success, I reply:  Each child is born with innate potential for leadership, and all three had been consciously coached to transform potential into reality by believing in a coach, who’d learned the value of casting aside passive aggressive put downs in favor of setting her sights upon teaching her children to meet life's challenges with positive focus and clarity intact.  There’s a huge difference between guidance that hovers worriedly, pushes and punishes angrily vs learning to coach a team astutely by way of listening patiently and compassionately first.  Then after listening seriously, the coach in our house answered with knowledge, logic and sense of humor intact.  At all ages, we learn best when enveloped within an environment that feels peaceful, respectful and hopeful at best.

Once my mind determines that it’s time for these stories to flow, I believe you’ll absorb my fervent belief that families round the world are in need of a knowledgeable view as to why today's parents and many educators have become utterly confused about what constitutes a loving, astute, clear minded, experienced coach in the game of family life called Win-Win! :)

If asked what inspired me to pen today’s diatribe without stopping to inhale even one breath, here’s what I’d say, plain and simple:
My love of children is permeated with personal conviction based in success :)

So with appreciation for thousands who've participated, wholeheartedly, in my workshops for more than thirty years ... for all of you who jump-started my day in a breathlessly invigorating way by sharing success stories at the start of each two hour class, here I am, tipping my hat while wishing you a titillating good morning from my sick bed ... because having inspired you to achieve as much good humored success with your families as I've enjoyed with mine, I believe the powers of inspiration can travel round the globe ... oh and BTW ...
I’ll soon be well ... how do I know that to be true?

Saw the ENT doc, today ... a very smart, funny guy
Diagnosed bronchitis and sinus infection
While suctioning what seemed like a cup of pea soup out of nostril leading to sinus above left eye, I begged him to leave me a brain cell or two.  He asked what for?  I said, I need at least a couple of them to write my blog.  He pondered for a moment or two before responding simply, okay.  Prescribed a stronger antibiotic and said I’d live to write this post, today!  With great news like that, my spirit did a jig!

Can’t wait to awaken feeling better, tomorrow!
Till then, happy trails to all my dear friends ...
:)  Pale faced Annie—spirit animating—naturally! :)