As you get to know me, you’ll see that I always have a plan though, often times, I’ve no conscious clue as to what that plan may be until I begin to write. For instance, let’s see what shapes up concerning my need to fortify four pillars of personal strength over the months, directly ahead:
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In order to relieve inner tension, I’ll rely upon a half of an Ativan taken in the morning to calm my limbic system enough to limit the amount of adrenaline pumping through my blood stream, so my processor can think clearly with my connection to logic intact.
In short, I’ll ever so gently regain control over the natural emergence of fearful emotions while placing my faith in my doctors’ abilities to gain control over the growth of the tumor via administering doses of chemo that will effectively shrink this invader and annihilate every microscopic cell that poses a threat to my enjoyment of a long and healthy life.
So how does this plan of action differ from the first?
The first tumor was several cm larger than this one proves to be.
The combinations of chemo chosen to combat the original tumor proved much too harsh for my production of blood to bear without breaking down, causing extreme physical distress in need of several hospitalizations and blood transfusions, over a period of seven months.
This time around, the combination of chemo drugs chosen will replicate the last protocol administered, which had actually proven most effective in attacking tumor cells without placing the healthy cells of my body in mortal danger of collapsing. And chemo will last only two months before surgery is scheduled.
The first surgery was seriously compounded by the tumor’s invasion of my heart, and thus did open heart surgery precede lung surgery, by one day.
The complex nature of those first surgeries took place in Houston while the apex of the pandemic was surging, suggesting why during my ten day (intensive care) hospital stay, I had no loving advocate at my side when nurses were too busy to respond to my call button though time for pain meds had long past. And as my sternum had been stapled up while my back had sustained eight to ten inches of sutures, I’d had to FaceTime Will, who would then call the nurses’ station. And if each of his requests had been met with a greater sense of respect than had been true of my own self disciplined declarations of having experienced excruciating pain, I believe his being a surgeon had a lot to do with the positive results Will received, which, much to my frustration, I had not. I’d felt that for the most part, the nursing care received in Houston was less responsive than that experienced at Mayo.
First time around—the thoracic surgeon in Houston chose to save as much of my affected lung as possible. And in the aftermath of that surgery, everyone, including the pathologist, celebrated the safety factor of those margins.
Second time around, knowledge that microscopic cells related to the original tumor had escaped detection offers my Phoenix thoracic surgeon sound reason to take all of my right lung in hopes of leaving no microscopic invaders behind.
This time, a one visitor policy allows Will to accompany me to chemo, labs, diagnostic tests and doctor appointments.
No flights will be taken to and from Houston wearing hasmet suits
One surgery will be scheduled, not two.
Will can be at my side, every day, during my hospital stay.
I will return to our home rather than staying in the RB&B that we’d rented for a month.
As we will not be strictly quarantined, my second recovery from chemo followed by lung surgery will benefit from physical therapy
Many vaccinated loved ones will visit us at home, offering Will’s spirit and mine a natural lift, during the months of this second recovery.
Along with courage, faith, hope, resilience and my two not so secret weapons (love of family and friends), I am wholly determined to recover completely so as to enjoy a long, healthy life, as was true of my beloved mother, who had welcomed help while blowing out 100 candles (plus one for good luck) adorning her birthday cake.
And in addition to feeling hopeful, today, I’ve expressed my faith in my doctors expertise—two personal strengths pocketed—two to go ...
Annie
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