Cautionary note—While editing the post below, strange goings-on began to occur concerning changes in margins, font choices and color, which I can’t understand or repair, so rather than tearing out what little is left of my wispy, barely there, exceptionally short spikes of dark, scattered hairs, I’ve chosen to pause any thought that sees me in charge of today’s editing process so as to end my struggle in hopes of relaxing my mind by acknowledging the fact that the deeply confounding aspect of today’s editing process going rogue is such small stuff when considering the bigger picture of my life that I’ve decided to place my frustration in Mother Hubbard’s empty cupboard, freeing me to go about the rest of my day with a positively focused, heartfelt attitude, highlighting what really matters over what does not so that I can close my eyes and imagine my mind, spirit and heart floating upon a magic carpet (woven by my active imagination), ascending ever so gently through an azure blue sky coasting higher and higher above worrisome thoughts, purposely left below, for right now, and as you and I pass by a fluffy white cloud, here and there (each shaping into puppies at play), you’ll observe my soulful sense of wholeness relaxing to the point of concentrating my self confidence solely upon quietly recreating an emotional atmosphere so self soothing as to enhance a zen-like contentment of my very own making, which I’ll happily share with any kind-hearted imaginative soul who chooses to ride sidekick with me for a spell. And now, having readied you for imperfections beyond my current control (as is true of my body while cancer remains active), which have somehow manifested themselves directly below today’s intro, here we go:
Sooo—I’ve been hospitalized nearby my southwestern desert home since a week ago, tonight, because I found myself unable to walk more than three steps on my own without collapsing to the floor feeling so suddenly short of breath as if about to black out. You see, the long-acting shot, which I’d received the day after my last chemo infusion, had failed to stimulate my bone marrow to produce new blood cells, and upon being admitted to the hospital by way of the ER, blood tests showed that following my last infusion of chemo, my body’s blood supply has been experiencing anemia to a severe degree.
After experiencing a kaleidoscoptic psychedelic moment at home followed by extreme sensations of nausea, we raced to the ER where I was admitted to the hospitalat about 3am, a week ago, I received a unit of red blood cells (hemoglobin) followed by receiving another bone marrow-stimulating injection that differs from the first in that this one is administered daily. Then on Valentine’s Day, my platelets plummeted, so in addition to the new shot, which I now welcome, every day, I was transfused with a unit of platelets, as well.
As this physical instability is due to the depression of my bone marrow (yet another side effect of chemo’s present protocol), my production of new blood cells remained
shut down more rigorously than had originally been expected, so I’ll not be surprised if a third protocol may be in the planning, because this current dysfunctional state of my blood cell production must readjust from being so severely depressed as to physically de-energize my body close to completely. Once normal production rates are naturally on the rise, I’ll be able to walk on my own and take good care of myself at home.
This weakening has naught to do with personal strengths and everything to do with need to elevate each component of my blood from crashing to reproducing at levels, which are up to snuff; suggesting that my medical team is working to encourage my circulatory system to re-regulate blood cell production by way of the daily shot so that the level of each component of each blood cell will rise, naturally, on its own as had been true before infusions of chemo ran interference with my body’s ability to create change for the better by itself.
Although my appetite also remains depressed, I’m choosing to ingest, digest and absorb protein, veggies, fruit and whole grains at each meal as well as ordering protein shakes, every day. Will and David (Steven is skiing) have been motivating my spirit to advance from taking three steps forward toward the corridor (aided by my walker while a wheel chair follows me in case I need to sit down to catch my breath so as not to automatically black out). And while we three circled the corridor outside of my room, Rocky’s theme song, played on David’s phone, encourages me to take yet another step forward, knowing that blood transfusions are actively reviving my body’s ability to rebuild its former energy levels
The fact that I’d recouped the energy, via transfusions, to cover that distance cane as quite a surprise. However, my neutrophils have not yet reached 1500, so I have a feeling that I’ll be here overnight, again. suggesting that daily shots along with three blood transfusions have re-energized each component of every blood cell, which, existing in balance with all of the others, continues to offer an in-going challenge in the same way that just, as with every aspect of life, maintaining balance is necessary for all who live an independent life.
As to the health of my spirit, its well-being continues to be re-energized, daily, by way of personal will, positive attitude and love flowing freely in abundance, back and forth through the air, and thus is my spiritual good health robust so as to be unaffected by the severity of my body’s anemic condition.
As the week progressed, a transfusion of platelets plus a second unit of hemoglobin proved necessary, and one of my personal goals was to advance beyond step ‘number one’ and step ‘number two’ until I felt able to utilize my walker to convey my body’s need to relieve itself of waste safely to and from my bathroom. In short, it’s become transparently apparent that well-balanced cells of oxygenated blood are necessary if we are to transport our bodies to where the mind wants to go, and anything that interferes with the natural state of healthy blood flow will hinder us from achieving the most simple of short range goals no matter how much we believe in strength of mind and spirit, which is why we hear ‘listen to your body’, most expressly after infusions of chemo are disrupting natural functions, all of which connect to the on-going or disruptive state of your well being and mine.
My mind is occupied with reading, resting, penning these pep talks to myself (which I find of personaI value, because calming statements motivate me to heighten my level of patience). And when my energy level is up, I’m eager to visit with family and friends. So now, having expressed the current condition of my body and spirit, my mind has tired, and since my brain is part of my body, and as I’ve gained insight into listening to my body, especially when it asks me to pause for a rest, resting my whole self is what I plan to do as soon as I wish you and your loved ones a happy good humored, belated Valentine’s Day. And along with hopes that all is well at your end, let’s also hope that my bloodwork shows rebalanced improvement, very soon, so that my body can get itself dressed in readiness to transport my mind, spirit and soul from my hospital room toward our car in which Will will be seen feeling as eager as I am to convey us both home.
Annie💝🌈🌻🙋🏻♀️;
Sent from my iPad
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