If counseling is not offered to these children, the raging cycle of emotional violence, which disregards mutual respect, will be unconsciously absorbed within subconscious memory that unknowingly passes the inflamed nature of unidentified pain from one generation to the next for this reason: Unlike physical violence, perpetrating lasting injury to an athlete's brain as can be seen on MRI's, emotional violence, injuring the sanctity of the brain's ability to absorb peaceable methods of conflict resolution, remains difficult to diagnose until children, whose shattered connection to inner peace, will have grown up to become so depressively subservient or aggressively violent as to require professional guidance, astutely trained to gently coach the intuitive intelligence of the aggressive or subservient injured party (because both brains endured trauma during childhood) to actively and courageously regain conscious awareness of memories so terrifying as to have been defensively repressed when a child's thought processor was literally too young to call forth words to describe the depths of terror that had severed an innocent mind from all sense of personal safety, creating an anxiety disorder. Thank goodness for EMDR therapy, which is available to children (and adults), who have no conscious clue of the fact that they've suffered from attacks of PTSD, which, like heart attacks, range across a wide spectrum from minor to major.
As no one can heal the portions of another person's shattered sense of personal safety other than the person whose brain remains subconsciously traumatized, a therapist's gentle hand must be engaged to guide that individual's sense of readiness toward embracing the courage, humility and patience necessary to participate in the healing process until the shattered portions of that person's sense of safety have been healed. And the younger help is offered the better, because as long as the healing process is delayed, secondary layers of defensiveness will build up, over time, suggestive of the fact that in order for therapy to be effective, the soothing (softening) nature of the therapist must encourage the patient to peel his/her onion, ever so carefully, so that one layer of a defensive wall of denial after another softens until the primary terror, repressed at the child's core, has been exposed and expunged, for all time.
When raised to fearfully follow a parent's autocratic attitude that 'cracks the whip', a child will grow into an adult whose sense of personal safety is based in 'group-think', where pleasers, assuming the role of followers, will fail to develop an independent voice—on the other hand, if a child absorbs the parent's 'crack-the-whip position of leadership, he or she will usurp a bullying sense of control over 'group-think' by casting a fear-based divisive attitude of violence over a portion of the masses, who, having become transfixed, will follow this hollow leader's detersive talent to stir up their personal terrors so as to draw forth and enflame repressed pain and anger, lurking subconsciously within mob mentality's bullying attitudes, again and again. As in: Lock her up! or Lock them out! or You're fired!
Upon awakening, today, I'd thought my power of intuition was writing about me until the elasticity of mind expansion offered my stream of consciousness a wide-lensed view of the kind of family life in which an autocratic dictator, firing off orders, stimulates the development of a fiery fear-monger, such as the one who's been stirring up bullying attitudes in mobs, which have felt beaten down by an uncaring government (simulating a bullying, uncaring parent?) for so long that unrepressed demonstrations of anger overwhelm common sense each time this rabble-rousing leader holds a rally that ignites followers to blindly defend every word of his offensively defensive brand of divisive leadership as gospel by as he indoctrinates group-think with the belief that you're 100% with me or I'll grind you to dust, where you'll grovel for mercy, which you'll not receive, at my feet ... Whew! can it be true that today's impassioned outpouring of vitriol erupted from within the kind-hearted, gentle soul such as I know mine to be? Well, yes—because being human suggests reminding myself that human nature will find ways to release both sides of oneself in creatively mysterious (sometimes devious) ways—in fact ...
Have you taken note of how creatively my defense system has preoccupied my conscious mind with cavorting along side of Ravi's delightful innocence by day while by night, my power of intuition works to ready this emotional tornado of deeper truth, swirling subconsciously within, to emerge as I awaken feeling as though my intelligence has hot wired my think tank to my pleasure-center's natural desire to write so as to string together an interrelated conglomeration of insights into a cohesive train of thought as though there's no need for creative writing to consult with my conscious mind, at all—and that insight begs this asking this question: Does the pleasure of center The Donald's think tank arise, first thing every morning, functioning at the other extreme of mental polarity from mine? I ask that question for this reason: Just as with every polarizing war-mongering political leader known to modern history, he seems to awaken to instinctively know how to maneuver his seething troops into following his maniacal lead toward 'divide and conquer' until the day dawns when bullies who follow a bully can't help but awaken to see that the spirit of democracy (which has made our nation stand amongst those that have risen to greatness) has crashed and burned, because rather than being liberated by The Donald, the populous will find themselves ever more enslaved to do a bully's biding than had ever been true before he'd anointed himself despot over all, which is why this certified communications instructor, who facilitates the importance of embracing clarity in home after home, awakens, day after day, with a burning desire to send pertinent trains of thought into cyberspace in hopes of educating and enriching the lives of those who make up the major portion of the bell shaped curve in hopes that future leaders of our great nation are raised to carve a path whereby, sooner rather than later, those who aim to rule by way of encouraging mega-egocentricity will fail miserably to whip up a following of underdogs as easily as has Trump —WHEW! In fact, I await the day when Trump trumps himself in that we'll relish watching him eating his own words, with one minor change in gender: Rather than 'Lock her up'—he'll be choking on hearing—Lock him up!—seriously, this megalomaniac (suffering from delusional visions of his own power and importance) is not pure ego, because even the ego has two sides—he's pure id.
Thank goodness, my intuitive powers inspired my thought processor to quest, over my lifetime, toward understanding the primary reason why my think tank has focused, primarily, upon strengthening my connection to personal growth so as to inspire an emotionally matured sense of self awareness to intuit my need to push past societal boundaries (expected of 'lady-like' opinions and passive behaviors) in order to develop an assertive voice, which having worked to shed its defensive shield, has no need to deny my conscious mind from articulating a knowledgable account of my personal experience with self healing from childhood trauma by way of freely (and at times, courageously) engaging in EMDR therapy, which broadens my narrow minded, subjective thought patterns to grow toward identifying my need to explore, employ and embrace objective trains of thought, which strengthen the development of a person's self confident existential voice.
Thank goodness my intuition chose to carve an existential path dedicated to naming and taming the depths of emotional turbulence that classically runs interference with an innocent child's innate potential to develop a well-balanced absorption of self worth during the first five years of life—because when self worth remains subconsciously low so does self respect, and when self respect is low, group think seems like the only way to go (you're with me or against me), giving rise to fearful pleasers or rebellious bullies, whose decision-making process is primarily based in rationalizations, which denies common sense.
Thank goodness my intuitive experimentation with consequences, early on, chose to discipline my three sons youthful misbehaviors with loving kindness, humor, creativity and consistency so as to instill cooperative attitudes within each one so successfully as to inspire my growing sense of self confidence to embrace an expansive view of teaching family communications through story telling so as to have touched the lives of thousands of innocent children whose parents had enrolled in my college classes (taught for more than thirty years) hoping to feel inspired to experiment with success stories (concerning my family) so as to challenge themselves to go home and create a spirit of cooperation that would change parent-child and sibling relationships for the better within their families, as well.
As for now, I continue to hope to see thousands of households expand into millions, the world over, by way of sending post after post into cyberspace thus making sound use of the internet to inspire people to consciously consider the fact that the autocratic attitudes of egocentric dictators, who usurp control over nations throughout our world, are bred in homes where autocratic attitudes, bullying children into submission, is the norm.
I hope to inspire voters in democratic countries to stop feeling utterly confounded as to how best to oust a governmental body, made up of legislators who do little more than scratch their heads search of the key to unlock a door in their brains that will open to usher their intelligence toward carving a path toward national salvation before Trump's hollow hot air balloon, sans compass, pops—leading our great society to crash and burn as was true of despots who'd caused the demise of Rome, suggesting, yet again, that the study of world history is not a subject to be buried in the stacks of long-term memory—history must be conveyed to the forefront of our minds so as to assure us of repeating the portion of our history that created a unified nation of separatist colonies made up of a wide assortment of immigrants, at the start—seriously, if we look back to see that Nero was nuts then that makes me ask—who, in addition to the man in the White House, proves to be nuts if our legislature, elected to represent the bell shaped curve, feels stumped about how to legally oust a megalomaniac like Trump, whose brow-beating rhetoric does nothing more than dumb more sewage into the swamp, day by day?
So, what, you might ask, do I do to tame my own mounting frustration?
Well, first of all, I like millions of Americans, believe my anger is healthy, because, as long as it doesn't make me crazy, suppressed (not repressed) fury serves to fuel the creative side of my intelligence to grab a pen or soapbox and make sound use of my assertive voice to send select portions of my well-educated mind into cyberspace.
Secondly, I create emotional balance by thoroughly enjoying certain aspects of my personal life.
Thirdly, in my spare time (of which I have very little) I stir tar and pluck chickens in readiness to run The Donald as well as ineffective leadership out of D.C.
And so we come to see why you'll not hear me lament my defense system's development of an over-active, empathetic sensitivity to the pain of others, because, over my lifetime (unlike Trump) my intuitive powers have chosen to make 'good' use of altruistic re-activism to coach countless others to ease emotional turbulence in home after home by mustering the courage to know both sides of their nature, and now, I imagine your need to say: Annie, cut to the chase, already—what's the main insight that today's rhetoric has been attempting to clarify?
As Ravi would say: Shhhhh—'Nice boice peese'—because common sense suggests my conscious mind being unable to clarify the string of insights which this train of thought has been working to ignite until my intuitive powers sense my readiness to switch on the spotlight that will highlight the first insight, which is bound to spark others—and lo and behold, straighten your thinking caps, because—ready or not, here comes that spotlight: *Over most of my life, I'd no conscious clue of my intuitive need to grow knowledgeably proactive about identifying and healing shattered portions of my self esteem. If you ask why depression didn't hit until midlife, I'd clearly reply:
*As long as I'd followed unwritten 'rules' of lady-like conduct tattooed subliminally into my mind by family, friends and society, my subscription to 'group-think' anchored my heart to feeling well loved, suggesting that t'was not until fate stimulated me to feel intuitive need to bend (but not break) those rules, one by one, that my personal boundaries began to expand, stimulating my subconscious fear of abandonment to spring a leak, which freed repressed anxiety to inadvertently scare my conscious awareness half out of my wits every time I'd felt compelled (by a deeply suppressed emotional need that was courageously beginning to unrepress from subconscious storage) to take each next cautious step forward on this newly expansive, adventuresome, personal path, where, little by little, I've come to know (and embrace) both sides of my nature in depth, and here comes the insight, highlighting where I was most blind to myself—
*At first, spiking anxiety was my only conscious clue of the fact that with each rule I'd chosen to stretch, a deeply repressed inner conflict, which remained unnamed, was attempting to surface, and this sense of inner conflict caused me to feel guilty of being bad (rather than different from the perfect, self-righteous person I'd previously aspired to be), and this guilt-ridden sense of confusion was confounding, because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Annie was not a wolf in sheep's clothing or a black sheep. However, each time this mounting sense of confusion, born of unidentified inner conflict, catalyzed strikes of anxiety, I'd feared loving myself less than had been true when I'd felt securely ensconced within the safe zone of the flock that makes up the bell shaped curve, suggesting, once again, that once a world class pleaser actually begins to grow into a true leader, inner conflict, born of emotional complexity, proves in need of puzzling through for this reason:
*Though I'd thought to love my rule-stretching-self less, reality, concerning personal growth, suggests that I'd actually been losing respect for the defensive blindness that had seen me as an assertive shepherd when in truth I'd remained a follower within the flock ever since my survival instinct had unknowingly abandoned my existential hold on authentic autonomy at the age of three when I'd declared myself unworthy of love unless my thoughts, behaviors, choices and actions lined up perfectly with 'groupthink' ... and once that specific inner conflict (between assertive leader and defensive deny-er) began to surface, unnerving my conscious awareness, I couldn't think clearly for myself or respect myself until my power of intuition, rising to assume its intellectual position of leadership over my think tank, coached my conscious mind to absorb the courage, patience and humility that proves necessary if a person is to work faithfully at gaining insight into identifying deeply ingrained, self inflicted, negatively focused attitudes, which had undeservedly condemned me to feel so reprehensible for 'sins' committed during childhood (when I was as young as Ravi, whose brain absorbs everything she hears and sees but understands very little of emotional complexity, today) as to pay guilty penance over most of my adult life for behaviors that proved natural and thus not reprehensible, at all. Whew!
*At just shy of three years old, Ravi feels very happy. Or very sad. Or very frustrated. Or very mad. One thing she does not feel, as of yet, is deeply conflicted about what feels good and what feels bad to her.) In fact she only feels like 'a bad girl' if adults (uneducated about the effectiveness of consistently disciplining (not to be confused with punished) with loving kindness intact) make her feel ashamed of being true to the well-balanced, eager to learn, self confident, free spirit that—thank goodness—she still is.
At three, Ravi, who knows her own mind, is beginning to sense the difference between freedom of choice and need to comply with rules set in place to create the spirit of cooperation that tames our egos from dominating our personal choices as well as the difference that separates logical consequences from punishments, angrily and autocratically doled out. As of now, every honest emotion feels natural to Ravi; whereas that changed—but not for the better—for me when I was three, and fate turned my lost sense of emotional security inside out so that upon acting out (catalyzed by confusion and fear), I was chastised by adults whose grief had turned their adoring smiles into perpetual frowns for so many months that a pleaser was born, who'd unconsciously begun to hold her anxious brain accountable for working to exhaustion to heal everyone's pain as if her own repressed pain, emerging as empathy from deep within subconscious storage, had been freed to attack her sense of inner peace, repeatedly, because as a young child, this sweet little girl had unknowingly charged her 'misbehavior' as being guilty of increasing the pain suffered by everyone I'd loved ...
Thankfully, today's intuitive train of thought has led me to understand why my therapist consistently says that my intuitive path toward healing repressed pain has been guiding my intelligence to let go of The Fixer who had actually managed to 'fix' no one's subconscious attitudes but my own for this reason: *Each adult is accountable for reflecting over portions of self worth, which remain subconsciously stuck in the same shattered state as had been true when trauma, experienced during the early stages of childhood development, caged specific aspects of undeveloped personal growth in an unnaturally 'bad', guilt-ridden place ... quadruple whew!
*Amazing, isn't it, that yesterday I posted my duet with Ravi, belting out LET IT GO! I mean, was I belting that out with Ravi or subliminally, was adult Annie belting that out with guilt-ridden, three year old Annie, who, like Ravi, was a very good little girl. Wow! If there are no coincidences then we've just witnessed my power of intuition asserting its ability to make sound use of creativity to heal myself ever more deeply, as has, thankfully, become my pattern.
It's a 'good' thing that my choice to drive David (who flew in for our holiday) to the airport conflicts with my participation with Ravi's dance class, today, because suddenly, I'm feeling mentally exhausted, which is not a bad thing in fact it's good, because exhaustion suggests I know myself to be in need of a day in which to relax mind, body and spirit as I wholly accept the reality of my advancing age, whereas on the other hand, I continue to marvel at the wondrous workings of a delightful three year old brain that naturally (intuitively) eagerly absorbs everything she sees and hears her role models do and say and feel—and when it comes to my spirit emoting as much joy as is true of Ravi's while we're enjoying our playdates, several times each week, this is one emotionally rebalanced gramma, whose spirit, dancing with joy, honestly feels younger than springtime—
Ravi, absorbing the rule of cooperatively taking turns, says:
Gramma, my turn take 'pic/ter' of you!
Gramma, my turn take 'pic/ter' of you!
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