Holy smokes!
The complexity of thought that poured into yesterday's post
Had need of simplifying, Big Time!
As working to revise almost every sentence in that
Train of thought usurped an abundance of mental energy
As well as most of my writing time, today
I'm offering my think tank a rest from
Further mind bending tasks by asking:
Who said this?
"I am not the richest, smartest or most talented person in the world
But I succeed because I keep going
And going
And going"
"Let me tell you something you already know
The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows
It can be a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to
Your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it"
"Your spiritual sense will make you either a winner ot loser
Remember: The mind is your best muscle
Big arms can move rocks but big words can move mountains
It ain't over till it's over"
"You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life
But it ain't about how hard you hit
It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward
How much you can take and keep moving forward"
Today's post indicates that
Insight into deeper truth need not be eloquent
Insight just needs to be clearly 'right on'
Thank goodness my sense of humility has clarified
My need to learn a thing or two from Rocky (who stated
all of the above) in hopes of stopping
My brain's mental complexity from knocking me out!
—Annie
PS
Made my way through three weeks of mental complexity toward clarity, again! Whew! Unstuffing each layer of repressed emotion after having stuffed my subconscious with unprocessed fear, repressed pain, and a confounding sense of anger proves far more complex than easy-peasy, as can be seen in posts, which had been published chock full of complex trains of thought in need of extensive editing.
Why publish before editing? Because, initially every train of thought, published, had seemed clearly conveyed to—me. Then overnight, upon reviewing the mental complexity inherent within those trains of thought, I'd ask myself—which portion of my brain felt need to express that complicated stream of consciousness—certainly not the portion of my brain that's trying to make sense of it, right now!
Over most of my life, one parental tape in particular (Annie, don't feel that way!) admonished my true sense of self to mask any natural emotional reaction, based in fear, pain or anger, behind my ready smile, which had seemed to serve me well until twenty-two years ago when my self awareness had reason to grow beyond my persona, which got to feeling so tight that I could barely breathe and thus, did I feel need, at that time, to begin to peel away at each layer of that mask, behind which my intensely repressed, emotional complexity had been held hostage, beginning when Janet died.
Since I was barely three during that tragic time, which had traumatized every adult in my family, I had no conscious clue of having grown up, feeling conditioned to 'see' that trio of emotional reactions as negatively focused. Needless to say, my inability to release one half of the spectrum of honest, emotional reactions (without feeling personally condemned) proved confusing, unhealthy, unnatural and directly opposed to 'getting real' by being true to myself. I mean, if too much of anything is not good for a person's well-balanced sense of good health then an over abundance of positive focus must be in need of reprocessing, too.
On an up note, my subconscious has been revealing strings of insight, which will (hopefully) eventually, head future episodes of PTSD (each of which relates back to yesteryear's unidentified trauma) off at the pass before my think tank's connection to logic goes AWOL. Needless to say, the originality of my plan to continue to stimulate insight to spark is as experimental in nature as has been true of every plan, conjured up within the creative center of my brain when I grew up to be a mom, raising three munchkins of my own ... each of whom was encouraged to own and express (in a healthy, well balanced manner) every emotion that I'd felt conditioned to repress. Rather than hearing: Don't feel that way, I encouraged my sons to fully express their anger by hanging a man-sized punching bag in our backyard.
As to posts written, published and retracted, lately, due to mental complexity, I plan to scroll back and pinpoint portions of those posts in order to showcase details of recent experiences, which hijacked my connection to logic, four weeks ago. Then, after offering my processor time to simplify trains of thought so complex as to have boggled my mind, I have no doubt that strings of insight, stated simply and clearly will highlight subconscious dark spots, spotted last week.
If upon awakening, tomorrow, I find that today's post was simply stated, my spirit's smile, which has played hide and seek for the past several weeks, will shine forth ever so naturally from within the epicenter of my core, so with hopes of having penned today's train of thought with my sense of clarity intact, I'll bid you adieu till next we meet ...
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