1403 I CAN LEAD A FLOCK TO WATER BUT ...

So, here's why I've decided to delay publishing a post penned, this morning, till tomorrow:  I've been challenging my memory bank to absorb insights spotlighted within post 1402, more deeply, day by day, in hopes of inspiring mental habits that do not serve me well, to rebalance with haste.  Why?  Because patience may be a virtue, I am sick and tired of emergent episodes of PRSD making me feel sick and tired of myself!  And In hopes of drawing that cycle to a close, my power of intuition has directed my thought processor toward absorbing insights within post 1402, which speak directly to my determination to achieve change for the better before my think tank bursts into flames.  So rather than redirecting my energy toward penning a new post, which historically spurs additional insights to emerge, I am consciously choosing to fortify my resolve to deepen my awareness of need to catalog specific situations that trigger spontaneous episodes of PTSD, which shoots so many holes in my wall of denial as to free yesteryear's unprocessed anxieties to pour out of subconscious storage into my conscious mind, flooding my self confident attitudes with unidentified bouts of insecurity that run so deep as to stimulate this negatively focused chain reaction:  Insecurity, unleashed, alerts our survival instinct to flood our brains with adrenaline, thus empowering our defense systems to concentrate all of our mental processes and physical energy toward protecting us from a near and present danger, which feels like it's closing in at times when insight into deeper truth suggests that the split-second emergence of an unprocessed, subconscious fear is the primary reason why we feel too alarmed to think smart on the spot.  Once this fearful split-second emotional reaction has stimulated our survival instinct to shore up our defense systems to withstand attack, our adrenal glands are alerted to produce an over abundance of adrenaline, which, in turn, causes all sense of logic to choke as soon as an element of a current situation stimulates an episode of PTSD to erupt, and knowing this to be true, I need to work at securing my sense of clarity before fear hijacks so much of my think tank as to render my think tank as unable to problem solve as a three year old tot.  In short, I need to make better use of my smarts to outsmart and tame PTSD by switching off the emotional current that creates a spontaneous mental change for the worse as soon as repressed anxiety renders my intelligence helpless in one fell swoop. Whew!

Each time I reread post 1402 (or any post, for that matter), my think tank's natural tendency to multi-task spies reason to improve some element of composition in hopes of simplifing thoughts of such mental complexity as to stimulate my brain's growing sense of emotional clarity to rebalance itself in small yet significant ways.  So in hopes of having served your think tank no more to swallow other than these insights, which have offered us food for thought, repeated, I'll wrap up with one last insight for today:  If anything I reveal about my on-going quest to enhance my self awareness whets your spirit's whistle to thirst after change for the better by identifying conflicting attitudes, which may stress your mental processor, then I'll view that positive result of my work (to heal my brain of PTSD) as a bonus.  I mean, seriously, though my aim is to tame the teacher, who dwells within, she's sure to pop out of the depths of my mind, from time to time.  And let me be the first to admit that, just like Ravi, every part of me likes to be fed, including the teacher, who, like the tiger, within, may be more readily tamed when leashed and well fed.

As for now, let's sum up this post's short range goal before my brain feels need to pull this complex train of thought into today's rest station:  I can lead a flock to water but I can't deepen anyone's sense of self awareness other than my own, suggesting why my long range goal will no longer attempt to extend beyond enhancing my personal sense of self control unless a child is in my care.  And with thoughts of minimizing my frustration when I see others, whose false sense of safety feels need to stumble ever more blindly into Denialand, I'll direct my energy away from their persona's defensive need to tighten their masks in favor of identifying my need to steer my think tank clear of feelung personally attacked by anything said or done that might otherwise catalyze each next episode of PTSD to erupt.  Needless to say, I couldn't think to identify much less resolve my life's primary problem before my brain was correctly astutely diagnosed as being in need of healing itself from the inside out of PTSD.  Unlike the common cold, coughing up recurrent episodes of PTSD can be cured upon seeking a professional therapist, trained in EMDR.

As I work to maintain control over my rebalanced sense of wholeness, thus disempowering my natural connection to emotional reactiveness, my attachment to mental acuity will continue to strengthen.  And with hopes of having shone clarity's spotlight of insight onto my need to continue to fertilize a life-sweetening sense of mental rebalance to ripen on my vine, that's a wrap for today.