Before one can say 'so long' to long faces, it's necessary to say hello to generosity of spirit, which depends upon cultivating attitudes based in positive focus ...
Several weeks ago, as Angie and I sit down in one of our favorite haunts to enjoy a girls' night out, my dearest female friend seems on edge in my presence, and as this is most unusual, I ask if anything is on her mind; then, before she can respond, I feel intuition kick in, though common sense suggests listening quietly to her reply is the best way to go ...
I need to say something that's going to disappoint you ...
(No surprise, there) So with intuition offering me an idea of what's coming, next, I respond with a smile: Angie, whatever you need to say is going to be okay ... I'm not going to feel disappointed.
How could you know that?
I just do ... So out with it, please ...
After hemming and hawing, my friend needs encouragement to relieve her mind of worry—and once she opens up, I find myself nodding in agreement, suggesting intuition had been on target. You see, I remember that Angie's son, Wade ( her only child), is renting a house on the Jersey shore for two weeks in August, so rather than driving to the coast to enjoy our vacation, together, in the two bedroom/two bath timeshare on the west coast (as had been our tradition for more than a decade), Angie worries over how I'll react upon about learning that she and Mark have decided to fly east to vacation with Wade and their grandkids.
Once my friend's decision is aired, I know my response will relieve Angie's mind, so my hand reaches across the table to take hers while offering this smiling reply:
Angie, weeks ago, you'd mentioned Wade renting a house on the shore, and knowing how much your grand daughters are missed, I figured you and Mark would choose to vacation east rather than west, so though I'd felt a sense of loss to see our traditional time, together, change, my sadness rebalanced with gladness for your gain—most especially because my granddaughter lives less than ten minutes away. And, I have something to add that will wisk every drop of sadness away—Timing is on our side!
At this, Angie looks puzzled, so I go on: This year, Steven and Celina are eager to join us in the condo, so I'd needed to say the same to you that you'd dreaded saying to me, and as timing has aligned your stars with mine, we both have reason to rejoice as one cherished tradition ends while, hopefully, another heartfelt tradition begins, and with love working its magic, all around, we can freely embrace this change, which offers our smiles reason to beam, simultaneously, suggesting that both timing and readiness are holding hands, which is not always true.
Needless to say, I didn't actually say all of that to Angie. Once she knew that timing and readiness for change had granted her heart and mine the freedom to leap upon the same wavelength, self imposed, undeserved guilt stopped running interference with gladness as our revelations doubled our shared sense of delight. And with that, we took turns relating our plans.
You see, our friendship of thirty-five years has shaped a history in which we've celebrated till dawn, rallied each other toward success or carried each other off battlefields, but one thing we've never done is to let the other down, and as fate has offered us, both, a coveted change at the very same time, I watch Angie's fear of disappointing me evaporate with such spontaneity that her ebullience matches mine as wine glasses klink while we toast to our lasting friendship, which always searches earnestly to simplify emotional complexity, which proves difficult to comprehend, at first. And having added that detail, concerning lasting friendship simplifying emotional complexity, you can see why my treasured friend and I had more to celebrate than the fact that fate had timed these changes in our favor, simultaneously.
During these two weeks of family togetherness in paradise, all ten of us enjoyed down time in which new clan members were welcomed into our hearts as palm trees swaying in the breeze and cool blue waters mellow out the intense nature of every day life while we relax round a gorgeous pool or frolic at the fair or build sand castles on the beach, and the fact that our peaceful sense of togetherness is heartfelt, all around, inspires smiles to beam as naturally as each bright ray of sunlight causes us to caution each other to slather our bodies with sunscreen while sipping margaritas and umbrella'd PiƱa Coladas (once again, spell check has checked out on me!) through straws.
If you ask how all ten of us are able to swing two weeks in paradise without robbing a bank, I'll fill you in on the details of our magical plan ...
As you may remember, Barry recently purchased a spacious new home for himself, Marie and 'their' two boys, Tony (5) and Ray (4). Though owning only (?) twelve days at our ocean view timeshare, we extended our time in paradise by accepting our eldest son's invitation to enjoy their guest suite for two days before and two days after our stay in the two bedroom, two bath condo.
During our initial weekend with Barry's family, David and his 'little brother' Brant (Big Sisters, Big Brothers ... for five years, which have flown by!) bunked on air mattress or sleeping bag in order to join in the fun. On Sunday, Barry flipped chocolate chip pancakes for everyone, in keeping with our well-loved family tradition when, during his boyhood, I'd flipped flapjacks at the griddle, surrounded by seven growing lads, forever hungry and clowning around, three being my sons while four friends (each of whom had deemed himself to be the fourth brother) slept over every weekend (one was Angie's son, Wade), because 'the more the merrier' had been our rule of thumb—as long as the entire peanut gallery adhered to The Line Of Control, suggesting that this team of energetic young men (who'd spanned seven years apart in age) had learned to respect me as their fun-loving coach. As to Will, his weekends had been spent engaged in emergency surgeries, basketball, football, softball, vollyball, in fact, as long as a ball was in the air, he seemed content, and with seven rambunctious mini males underfoot, that was always the case ... As for me, I'd forgotten that a leap in the air could have ended in a pirouette instead of a slam dunk, so all seemed well for many a year ... At any rate, back at Barry's griddle ...
It was soon time to clear the table of breakfast in order to ready ourselves to welcome Celina and Ravi, whom Marie, Tony and Ray have yet to meet, and so these three are on pins and needles to set off for the airport to pick up the pair, who have wisely chosen to fly. Why? Because an hour in the plane with a nine month old baby makes more sense than a six hour drive across the desert with Steven, who'd loaded their SUV with all of Ravi's paraphernalia (great spelling bee word!). At any rate, the entire 'mishpaha' will be under Barry's roof by late Sunday afternoon ... Uh—wait—with the inclusion of Brant, who calls me Mom, ten plus one equals eleven ... and so here are photos of Tony and Ray, meeting their little cousin, Ravi, for the very first time, at Barry's new home, before Steven arrives with all kinds of stuff packed into his SUV, which holds everything except the kitchen sink ...
(No surprise, there) So with intuition offering me an idea of what's coming, next, I respond with a smile: Angie, whatever you need to say is going to be okay ... I'm not going to feel disappointed.
How could you know that?
I just do ... So out with it, please ...
After hemming and hawing, my friend needs encouragement to relieve her mind of worry—and once she opens up, I find myself nodding in agreement, suggesting intuition had been on target. You see, I remember that Angie's son, Wade ( her only child), is renting a house on the Jersey shore for two weeks in August, so rather than driving to the coast to enjoy our vacation, together, in the two bedroom/two bath timeshare on the west coast (as had been our tradition for more than a decade), Angie worries over how I'll react upon about learning that she and Mark have decided to fly east to vacation with Wade and their grandkids.
Once my friend's decision is aired, I know my response will relieve Angie's mind, so my hand reaches across the table to take hers while offering this smiling reply:
Angie, weeks ago, you'd mentioned Wade renting a house on the shore, and knowing how much your grand daughters are missed, I figured you and Mark would choose to vacation east rather than west, so though I'd felt a sense of loss to see our traditional time, together, change, my sadness rebalanced with gladness for your gain—most especially because my granddaughter lives less than ten minutes away. And, I have something to add that will wisk every drop of sadness away—Timing is on our side!
At this, Angie looks puzzled, so I go on: This year, Steven and Celina are eager to join us in the condo, so I'd needed to say the same to you that you'd dreaded saying to me, and as timing has aligned your stars with mine, we both have reason to rejoice as one cherished tradition ends while, hopefully, another heartfelt tradition begins, and with love working its magic, all around, we can freely embrace this change, which offers our smiles reason to beam, simultaneously, suggesting that both timing and readiness are holding hands, which is not always true.
Needless to say, I didn't actually say all of that to Angie. Once she knew that timing and readiness for change had granted her heart and mine the freedom to leap upon the same wavelength, self imposed, undeserved guilt stopped running interference with gladness as our revelations doubled our shared sense of delight. And with that, we took turns relating our plans.
You see, our friendship of thirty-five years has shaped a history in which we've celebrated till dawn, rallied each other toward success or carried each other off battlefields, but one thing we've never done is to let the other down, and as fate has offered us, both, a coveted change at the very same time, I watch Angie's fear of disappointing me evaporate with such spontaneity that her ebullience matches mine as wine glasses klink while we toast to our lasting friendship, which always searches earnestly to simplify emotional complexity, which proves difficult to comprehend, at first. And having added that detail, concerning lasting friendship simplifying emotional complexity, you can see why my treasured friend and I had more to celebrate than the fact that fate had timed these changes in our favor, simultaneously.
During these two weeks of family togetherness in paradise, all ten of us enjoyed down time in which new clan members were welcomed into our hearts as palm trees swaying in the breeze and cool blue waters mellow out the intense nature of every day life while we relax round a gorgeous pool or frolic at the fair or build sand castles on the beach, and the fact that our peaceful sense of togetherness is heartfelt, all around, inspires smiles to beam as naturally as each bright ray of sunlight causes us to caution each other to slather our bodies with sunscreen while sipping margaritas and umbrella'd PiƱa Coladas (once again, spell check has checked out on me!) through straws.
If you ask how all ten of us are able to swing two weeks in paradise without robbing a bank, I'll fill you in on the details of our magical plan ...
As you may remember, Barry recently purchased a spacious new home for himself, Marie and 'their' two boys, Tony (5) and Ray (4). Though owning only (?) twelve days at our ocean view timeshare, we extended our time in paradise by accepting our eldest son's invitation to enjoy their guest suite for two days before and two days after our stay in the two bedroom, two bath condo.
During our initial weekend with Barry's family, David and his 'little brother' Brant (Big Sisters, Big Brothers ... for five years, which have flown by!) bunked on air mattress or sleeping bag in order to join in the fun. On Sunday, Barry flipped chocolate chip pancakes for everyone, in keeping with our well-loved family tradition when, during his boyhood, I'd flipped flapjacks at the griddle, surrounded by seven growing lads, forever hungry and clowning around, three being my sons while four friends (each of whom had deemed himself to be the fourth brother) slept over every weekend (one was Angie's son, Wade), because 'the more the merrier' had been our rule of thumb—as long as the entire peanut gallery adhered to The Line Of Control, suggesting that this team of energetic young men (who'd spanned seven years apart in age) had learned to respect me as their fun-loving coach. As to Will, his weekends had been spent engaged in emergency surgeries, basketball, football, softball, vollyball, in fact, as long as a ball was in the air, he seemed content, and with seven rambunctious mini males underfoot, that was always the case ... As for me, I'd forgotten that a leap in the air could have ended in a pirouette instead of a slam dunk, so all seemed well for many a year ... At any rate, back at Barry's griddle ...
It was soon time to clear the table of breakfast in order to ready ourselves to welcome Celina and Ravi, whom Marie, Tony and Ray have yet to meet, and so these three are on pins and needles to set off for the airport to pick up the pair, who have wisely chosen to fly. Why? Because an hour in the plane with a nine month old baby makes more sense than a six hour drive across the desert with Steven, who'd loaded their SUV with all of Ravi's paraphernalia (great spelling bee word!). At any rate, the entire 'mishpaha' will be under Barry's roof by late Sunday afternoon ... Uh—wait—with the inclusion of Brant, who calls me Mom, ten plus one equals eleven ... and so here are photos of Tony and Ray, meeting their little cousin, Ravi, for the very first time, at Barry's new home, before Steven arrives with all kinds of stuff packed into his SUV, which holds everything except the kitchen sink ...
Too cute for words!
Though we've been with Barry's family many times over the past three years
The shared nature of this two week experience eliminates any left-over reserve ...
The shared nature of this two week experience eliminates any left-over reserve ...
By the end of the first week, four year old Ray looks up at me with his beautiful brown, long lashed, puppy dog eyes and melts my heart as he cuddles close and asks to call me Gramma ...
By the time we leave paradise—I delight in being Gramma to all three!