1961
Though I knew Will was nice, my conscious mind had no clue of keying into my brain's power of intuition until recent years. As a teen, I'd had no clue of sensing an energy, emanating from Will, that drew me toward him in a way that had not been true of any guy who had taken me out before. Whatever this undefined energy proved to be had disarmed my defense mechanisms for reasons, which, at that time, had remained unexplored.
As denial had kept my conscious mind in the dark (concerning my fear of those bullies on the school bus whose hurtling insults had wounded my self esteem, repeatedly), I'd no clue of harboring subconscious insecurity, which remained painfully raw, until recently. Therefore, upon meeting Will, I'd no clue that a deep seated fear of being bullied had lurked within my subconscious, haunting my sense of well being with taunts, which undermined my sense of safety. Reflection suggests that during my dating years all I'd surmised was this: Something felt different when I was with Will. Today, I can see that what I'd felt with Will was safe. And feeling safe enough to have fun on a date was a brand new experience for me.
In truth, I'd not thought to identify, confront and explore issues associated with my lost sense of personal safety until intuition coached my conscious mind to set out upon a quest toward self discovery in hopes of resuscitating portions of my self esteem, which had not been lost, after all! Rather than having lost portions my self esteem, Mother Nature had preprogrammed my defense system to wind layers of protective gauze around oozing wounds ... and in recent years, it's been my good fortune to have enjoyed unexpected experiences, which filled my spirit with reason to soar with such boundless joy as to unwind those layers of defensive gauze, which had covered the wounded state of my vulnerability until readiness to expose its rawness to my conscious mind was mine.
As my conscious mind had never processed the fact that I'd felt unsafe on a date, that which I'd experienced with Will offered a new sensation for me. A 'first', so to speak. Since our brains are preprogrammed to record our 'firsts' as memorable, firsts create indelible impressions upon memory. First kiss. First love. First time I felt safe. First love at first sight.
If you ask what had drawn my intuitive sense of safety to connect with Will when I was a teen, my reply, which may surprise you, is destined to showcase this fact: Will and I shared similar traits to which we'd both been blind. Neither Will nor I recognized these traits in ourselves or each other for this reason: Mother Nature had seen fit to swath these traits, which concerned portions of wounded self esteem, within defensive layers of my protective cocoon and within Will's, as well. And though neither he nor I had a clue that these subconscious similarities had been shared, reflection suggests that Will's secreted vulnerability felt as safe to expose itself in my presence as mine felt intuitively safe with him, and all was well until six months later when intuition felt reason to whisper another deeper truth into my ear, and something, concerning safety had reason to shift, and with shift comes change ...
As change is the only constant in life and as neither Will nor I had grown any the wiser concerning questing toward deeper truth, which would one day lead us toward uncovering subconscious traits that hide beneath the surface of self awareness, his sense of safety and mine had reason to come undone … and as denial continued to blind us to insecurities, which proved similar, for decades to come, Mother Nature felt need to step out of the dugout and intervene. And thus did she call upon intuition to coach one or the other to step up to the plate and smack one insight after another so far out of the ballpark as to inspire first one and then the other to embark upon a quest toward self discovery, which, ultimately, proved fruitful in that both began to develop an ever deepening sense of self …
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