811 AFTER WEEKS OF INTROSPECTION ...

First of all, I'm glad to relate that Will's recovery from surgery for prostate cancer, which took place on Sept. 24th, continues to move smoothly forward.  And following these last four stressful months, our energy is returning, day by day.

Secondly, I'm relieved to relate that my need to think in solitude, over these past several weeks, has paid off as insight into the main source of my escalating anxiety is in the process of emerging.

 With clarity into the subconscious source of my distress, my adrenal glands stopped pumping adrenalin into my blood stream.  And as my sense of balance returned, my mind and body relaxed.

As making sense of subconscious (unidentified) anxiety requires the thought processing center of the mind to engage in mental gymnastics, I'm exhausted for sound reason.  Upon re-energizing, I'll begin to pen a summary of insights, recently gleaned and consciously absorbed, by way of posting new found gains in self awareness, beginning with much of what I'm feeling free to express, so naturally, right now ...

Though Will and I continue to gain energy, daily, awareness concerning an upcoming series of psa test results understandably undermines our peace of mind.  You see, the path report, following Will's surgery, suggests that the surgical margins are compromised, meaning not free of disease, which is cause for concern.  If results from this series of psa tests do not prove negligible, radiation may be necessary.  As Will's first psa will take place in four weeks and then be repeated every three months, the waiting game continues.  However, stress, understood by the conscious mind, can be controlled by mustering courage.  The same is not true when stress escalates due to fear that remains subconsciously repressed (unidentified), over long.

During these past four months since Will's cancer was diagnosed, attentiveness on the part of our three sons proves that the fruit does not fall far from the tree.  And the loving spirits of our dearest friends, near and far, continue to offer us both an abundance of heartfelt support as well as well balanced meals, enjoyed in their company, most especially over these past four weeks following surgery.

Today, Will returned to the office, part time.  As for me,  I've resumed writing in hopes of working to more fully absorb a fact that remains constant throughout the ages:

When the subject is life or love, none knows what to expect, in terms of surprises, which may emerge from within the subconscious, next.

 On the other hand, this too is true:  Upon absorbing insight into the complex functions of the brain, we are more apt to shed light upon dark situations that stymied us in the past.  In short, the more astute we become in identifying idealistic (unrealistic) or pessimistic (negatively focused) attitudes, subconsciously hidden from conscious awareness, the more readily do we identify self defeating patterns of thought, which detour us from achieving heartfelt goals that remain beyond our reach.

 With that awareness in mind, the honor student in me has come to believe this next thought with the utmost of conviction;  Achieving ever-heightening degrees of personal and professional success depends upon deepening one's connection to self discovery.

At each stage of life each of us confronts experiences that shock our socks off.  When an unexpected experience results in a surprising emotional reaction, common sense suggests that we take time to question personal perceptions, which may be off track or half baked.

Lately, I've begun to refer to common sense as uncommon sense for this reason:  Making good use of common sense is not as common as we think, and here's why that's true ... common sense relies upon logical thought, which is hijacked as soon as a strong emotional reaction gains control over our brains.  

Hence the name of my blog:  Have you got a clue (as to what's really going on, deep inside your mind) or is your brain still fooling you into thinking that you know the sum of your traits, through and through—when in truth, you do not?

Each time a surprising reaction of my own offers me reason to dive a bit deeper into my mind, I emerge, after time (well spent) in introspection with a missing puzzle piece that alters my present perception of the person I actually am.

As insight into both sides of my traits continues to deepen, attitudes, which had shaped my perspective, continue to alter in one of two ways:  While certain memories, newly retrieved, lighten my view of myself, other memories offer me a darker view of character traits that my ego would rather deny.  And that's most especially true when a vulnerability leaps out of my mind in an area that I'd considered a personal strength.

As this is exactly what took place over the past several weeks, I'll do my best in upcoming posts to describe how time spent in introspection opened my mind to absorb a pair of insights, which offered me clarity into the heightened anxiety levels that I experienced during the two weeks preceding and the two weeks following Will's surgery ...

I mean, if my strong sense of courage matched Will's during the first six weeks after my husband's cancer was diagnosed ... what changed???