822 and 823. KNOW THYSELF: INSIGHT INTO PESSIMISM AND IDEALISM

Post 821 will show up sometime later.  Why?  With patience, you'll see …

822  KNOW THYSELF:  INSIGHT INTO PESSIMISM

The pessimist views life from a defensive perspective.
The more defensive a person's perspective ...
The more negatively focused 'his' attitude toward change for the better
The more negative the attitude, the more one empowers self defeat
The pessimist may not recognize 'himself' for this reason:
The pessimist's ego slides self defeating attitudes behind 'his' persona
The pessimist's ego fools himself into believing the persona is all 'he' is
The pessimist's persona is so convincing that most observers may be fooled
The pessimist's persona cloaks the truth so well that …
Most of the people are fooled most of the time
The pessimist, hiding behind the persona, is a very complex personality, indeed
Next up ... Insight into the idealist …

823  KNOW THYSELF:  INSIGHT INTO IDEALISM

Riddle:
Why is it that many idealists transform into pessimists?

The idealist, who views life from a self confident (we can do this) perspective, feels disappointed in the thoughts and reactions of others when in truth, 'he' has no clue of how consistently his idealistic mindset is partially responsible for disappointing himself.  You see, the idealist continues to work toward change for the better despite the fact that the mindset of the pessimist continues to respond in a negatively focused bent toward failure  ... without variation.

When Socrates was condemned to death by his colleagues, the sage continued to implore his peers to know thyself until he exhaled his last breath.

That was then, and this is now.  If asked how Socrates might have altered his position had he walked amongst the masses, today, I'd reply:
Today, the sage might think to sidestep mob mentality by seeking out his peers, individually.  Then having gained each open ear, he might have succeeded in opening another pair of eyes to deeper truth by embracing his peers while thinking to say:  We who come to recognize why 'attitude is everything' benefit immeasurably by choosing to open our eyes, ears and minds to new schools of thought in hopes of absorbing, thus deepening, insight into self awareness, which leads toward personal and professional success, by seeking the path of self discovery.

When an individual feels respected and warmly embraced, his mindset (attitude)  feels less defensive while listening to whatever the speaker feels the need to reveal.  When two people feel respected by one another, both mindsets are more apt to open to considering each other's point of view.  Once both minds are open, a middle ground may be miraculously achieved where none had seemed possible when attitudes had felt adversarial.

Now that I stop to think about it, I wonder if Socrates' peers understood what the sage had meant by know thyself.  I mean, consider this:  Socrates was a guy.  Most guys are so sparse with words that deeper meaning goes misunderstood.  So now, I can't help but wonder if the sage might have been spared had he been a woman, who, of course, would have made use of many more words in hopes of attaining clarity by way of expressing the depth of her meaning more fully. :)

820. I AM NOT ALONE ...

Though it's common for people to need to reprocess attitudes darkly colored with self defeating pessimism,  I, for the most part, have had to reprocess idealistic patterns of thought in hopes of connecting more often with realism ...

No matter where I go
I am not alone
And here is why that's true:
Wherever I go there are three of me
There's the person I imagine myself to be
There's the person others imagine me to be
And there's the person I really am inside my persona..
Oh wait ... Make that four people, because ...
There's the person I'm in the process of becoming ...
You see, every living thing exists in a constant state of change ...
And since that includes you and me ...
It makes sense to question whether we're changing for better or worse :)

819 ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ...

Additional thoughts were added to post 818 ...

818 PERMEABLE WALLS SEPARATE SUBCONSCIOUS FEAR FROM CONSCIOUS AWARENESS ...

Though it's true that we're all unique, suggesting that from the first breath we inhale till we exhale our last, each one's path will be different from any other, it's also true that we're all questing to meet basic needs, which prove more classic and universal than most might surmise.

Having learned that unnamed anxiety signals me that 'something' is amiss deep inside my mind where conscious awareness may not yet have gained insight into an unidentified fear, I've come to place a high value on training my brain to percolate until that unnamed fear filters through my defensive wall, exposing itself to my conscious mind, clear as day ... as in:  Aha!  So that's what's tormenting me, unnecessarily, today!

I wish I could say that I've trained my brain to function as a whole, so that unidentified, deep-seated fear percolates to the surface on it's own, but that's not true.  Just as doctors are trained to tap into disease that injures the body, psychologists are trained to tap into the psyche, and when they are on target, tapping into my mind, subconscious insecurities in need of healing begin to emerge.  Once insight into an injury has surfaced, EMDR therapy hastens the percolating that exposes details which I forgot to remember.  Often times these details offer me insight into situations that I'd misperceived.  Each time another misperception clarifies, one of my attitudes has sound reason to adjust.

Just as Mother Nature knew what she was doing when she instructed my defense system to repress certain fears, which had overwhelmed my mind during childhood, today, she instructs yesteryear's fears to arise from deep within my adult mind for this reason:  Today's anxiety serves as Mother Nature's messenger, suggesting that I've developed the intelligence, humility and courage to quest within until repressed insecurity has been accurately iidentified.  Once forgotten memories resurface and have been reprocessed, excess baggage that injured my self esteem is tossed out of my train of thought and reactions that weighed heavy on my spirit lighten up, at last.

For example, let's refer to the heightened state of anxiety that I experienced these past few weeks:

Though my spirit remained strong and steady over the first six weeks after Will's diagnosis, my anxiety grew so great during the final two weeks as to overwhelm all of my personal strengths, except for one:  I retained my strong belief in the powers of intuition.  And thank goodness for that!  With intuition as my guide, a little voice kept whispering that my conscious mind was ready to identify a fear that I'd no clue of having harbored deep inside a subconscious pocket since I was a child.  At that early time in my life, this unidentified fear paralyzed the portion of my mind where a child's independent voice develops.  (I've often heard my mother say, "Annie never went through the terrible twos.  Annie never said no.  If I asked her to do something she didn't want to do, she'd scratch her arms and comply.  Today, if a child scratched till she bled, the pediatrician would have suggested therapy.  Back then, here's what Mom was told:  you can give in and raise a spoiled child, or you can stand firm, and Annie will scratch. 

Today, with a re-energized sense of having worked tenaciously to achieve a hard earned goal, I'm relieved to say that based in my belief in my ability to dive into the deep end of my mind, two subconscious fears filtered through my defensive wall during sessions of EMDR, and once again, my belief in my intelligence saved the day.

Each time insight into hidden fear brightens my conscious mind, the main root of my anxiety calms down.  And with clarity into mysterious fear, which had scared me half to death, I can sense (feel) a new chapter of emotional maturity reorganizing healthy pathways of thought, based in positively focused change taking place within my expanding sense of self awareness.

If you're curious to know the names of these two fears ... and ...
If you're curious to know how left/ brain, right/ brain therapy helps me to reprocess self defeating patterns of thought ... please stay tuned :)

817 ANXIETY SIGNALS AN AWARNESS OF FEELING THREATENED DEEP INSIDE YOUR MIND ...

By way of EMDR, I've come to discern the difference between knowing I am safe on a cognative level vs. feeling unsafe deep inside my mind.

Anxiety is a signal from the central nervous system that 'something' is amiss.  As anxiety is an instinctive reaction, it's wise to identify that which is undermining your sense of personal safety.  If I cannot identify the reason for my anxiety or if my reaction continues to heighten then that leads me to question whether a 'forgotten' memory, locked behind my defensive wall, may be stirring deep within the subconscious portion of my mind.  And in truth, that blocked memory is threatening my sense of safety to a heightened degree,  unnecessarily, today.  Each time that's true, no one is giving me a hard time but me ...

For example:Let's say anxiety arises when a certain person or a specific group of people come into view.  If I can't pinpoint what it is about their presence that makes me feel threatened then I may be harboring a subconscious mental block concerning an earlier time in my life when my self esteem suffered such a staggering blow that, left in its unidentified state, this unhealed injury is still so raw as to arise from behind my defensive wall, festering anew, again and again ...

During sessions of left/brain, right/brain eye movement desensitization reprocessing my therapist leads me to minimize anxiety by guiding my conscious mind to uncloak unidentified insecurities, which arise, today.

Once an insecurity has been exposed to my conscious mind, my therapist makes further use of EMDR by coaching me to rewire (reprocess, restructure) my emotional reaction, so that the presence of this person or group of people no longer trigger inferior (subservient) feelings of insecurity within me.  Each time another subconscious insecurity dissipates, I can actually feel my self esteem strengthen as a healthier whole.

Once I come to understand that which triggered subconscious anxiety to rise, situations that feel similar to the one that had traumatized a portion of my mind when I was too young to comprehend how swiftly life swings from simple and sunny to stormy and complex are disarmed.

In short, EMDR facilitates my path toward self discovery in this way:
During sessions of EMDR, scary secrets, buried within my subconscious during childhood, osmose through my defensive wall, piece by piece.  Once puzzling secrets, which I kept from myself, are exposed to my conscious mind, I can see where an event, which had proved too complex for the simplistic mind of a child to comprehend, had been misperceived in such a way as to have caused me to unknowingly heap layers of undeserved guilt upon my own head.  Each time I release a scary secret, thus relieving my subconscious of another piece of
baggage, my conscious sense of self awareness brightens, my spirit lightens, and another half baked strength shores up :)

If you'd like to know how subconscious secrets are coaxed to osmose into my conscious mind, thus expanding my sense of clarity into bigger pictures more than ever before  ... Please stay tuned :)

816 EMDR RE-ADJUSTS IDEALISM OR PESSIMISM TO MATCH TODAY'S REALITY ...

PS :)
Here is a spotlight of insight into how I attach to sanity when a significant relationship turns upside down and life feels crazy:
I switch my train of thought to a new track.  Instead of focusing upon that which the other person is resistant to learning about self defeating traits, I consciously refocus my mind toward identifying patterns of thought in need of change within myself.

During talk therapy, I identify patterns of thought in need of a reality check, which had proved too idealistic or pessimistic for my own good.  Then, during a session of EMDR,  I work at reprocessing (readjusting) my expectations to match reality for this reason:  It does not take genius to define insanity:  It's insane to continue to repeat the same experience in the same way, indefinitely, while expecting a different result.  Along those same lines, it makes no sense to repeat patterns of thought that heighten anxiety, unnecessarily.

In the absence of professional help, subconscious fears create patterns of thought that limit our choices, causing us to remain stuck in places that undermine change for the better ...

815 INSIGHT INTO EMDR THERAPY ...

Below you'll find a post found in drafts, which I'd thought to have published several weeks ago.  This train of thought offers insight into how EMDR therapy probes more deeply into the subconscious than talk therapy on its own:

Recently, I learned that identifying trauma, festering raw and unhealed within the subconscious, provides only the first step toward healing injured self esteem.  Healing injured self esteem requires patterns of thought to reprocess  the emotional complexity of a traumatic experience in a nurturing, knowledgeable, neutral environment, free from external tension and misjudgment.  In addition to knowing what happened, feeling traumatized must undergo a process of desensitization . 

It's well documented that left-brain-right-brain EMDR therapy proves more productive in terms of reprocessing trauma than talk therapy alone.  EMDR has proven effective with healing traumatized, battle scarred vets.

Each time a traumatic reaction has reason to stir in its un-reprocessed state, the mind grows so agitated as to fire off alarms that signal a near and present danger.  These alarming reactions will harasses the nervous system until the thought processor has been reprogrammed.  Once a person consciously reprocesses yesteryear's unhealed vulnerabilities into today's strengths, anxious responses to the traumatic experience are disarmed.

This process of EMDR therapy probes so deeply into the subconscious as to successfully reprogram reactions to traumatized memories by way of reorganizing complex patterns of thought in a healthy manner.

This process, which restructures insecurities into healthy patterns of thought is formally known throughout the world of psychology as Eye Movement De-sensitization Reprocessing.

As you can imagine, I'm grateful to meet with a therapist who co-authored a textbook on EMDR.   With her expert guidance, my insecure thought patterns continue to alter in healthy, self confident ways.  This therapist, along with several others versed in EMDR therapy, was summoned to Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Connecticut after twenty children and six staff members lost their lives to gunfire.  These therapists conducted training sessions in EMDR for local therapists, who are ministering to the needs of traumatized survivors.

Your friend,
Annie

814 HEALING FROM TRAUMA BY WAY OF EMDR

So ... how am I to embrace or at least accept change taking place within my mind that I do not yet comprehend?  I place my faith in these facts:  Intuition has always led me toward gaining insight into lightening my sense of 'baggage.  Insight into self awareness expands my choices.  Insight into necessary changes brightens my life's path.  Then, in addition to keeping those aspects of my history in mind, I remind myself that insight into unidentified trauma, festering raw within my subconscious, provides only my first step toward healing.

Next, I remind myself that each time my subconscious unlocks a mental block at least enough to allow one more missing puzzle piece to filter into my conscious mind, my sense of self discovery deepens, again.  Self discovery enhances self awareness, which suggests the ability to identify vulnerabilities and strengths.

As retrieving lost pieces of each trauma does not suffice for healing injured self esteem, I remind myself that my main purpose for immersing my mind in therapy is to identify those times when an injured area of my self esteem unconsciously infiltrates into my thoughts, causing me to experience insecurity, which invades my sense of safety, thus exacerbating emotional pain ... unnecessarily.. 

You see, healing injured self esteem requires my brain to reprocess a traumatic experience in a nurturing, knowledgeable environment that feels safe.  During sessions of EMDR, my adult intelligence works to reprocess and absorb insight into yesteryear's trauma differently from that which I'd misperceived as a child.  Then at the end of each session, it's the adult who carries an ever-deepening sense of personal safety home with me.

Though working to make my way through this mental maze is often exhausting, I'll continue to post my progress to the best of my ability as insights into mindful change continue to emerge, one at a time ...

813 TIME WELL SPENT IN INTROSPECTIVE SOLITUDE ...

As a string of insights into my emotional reactions, preceding and following Will's surgery, continues to emerge, I feel change taking place inside my mind, which I do not yet understand but given my history, with time I will.

In hopes of deepening my understanding of changes taking place within my mind, I continue to be quietly, introspectively more observant than ever.

Though I've been writing inside my head for several days, I'm still too close to the surprising nature of my reactions to piece the most puzzling aspects of these past several weeks cohesively together.

As instinct is drawing me to the computer, this week, I'm hopeful that insights, which continue to emerge, will deepen my perception of the person I am in the process of becoming as my need to heighten self awareness continues to evolve ...

I have a strong feeling that as this string of insights continues to emerge, my understanding, concerning internal conflict, which arises when two basic instincts clash head on, will clarify for me:  Namely, my need to take good care of those I love vs. my independent need for survival and personal growth. Once clarity is mine, I believe my sense of inner peace will deepen more than ever before.

Yesterday, I was happily surprised to see how many of you showed up ...
As always, I appreciate your continued interest, which somehow translates into moral support.
Your friend,
Annie

812 EXPERIENCE CHANGES US IN SURPRISING WAYS ...

If asked how experience changes us in surprising ways, I'd reply:
Each time experience leads toward
A deepening sense of conscious awareness
We may begin to see one of our character traits in a new light

Each time a new experience offers us a glimpse of clarity
Forcing us to identify a less than desirable trait
We can more accurately define
A strength that is only half baked

Each time life forces us to stare down a clear shot of reality, face to face
We can deny, get mad or begin to develop
The humility and courage necessary
To be true to both sides of one's inner self, at long last

You see ...
In the absence of humility and courage
We fail to evolve into the person
We mistakenly believe ourselves to be

If experience changes us for better or worse
And if conscious choice directs my personal path
Then wisdom suggests that I muster
As much humility as is necessary to see myself as I really am

If you ask me to name the anxious culprits
Who tie all sense of mindful humility into defensive knots
I'd reply—
Your ego and mine ...

If asked my main purpose for writing this blog
I'd reply:  Upon writing a post a day, I experience Aha! moments
Which enable me to identify insecurities that my ego tries to hide
Not only from others but from myself ...

811 AFTER WEEKS OF INTROSPECTION ...

First of all, I'm glad to relate that Will's recovery from surgery for prostate cancer, which took place on Sept. 24th, continues to move smoothly forward.  And following these last four stressful months, our energy is returning, day by day.

Secondly, I'm relieved to relate that my need to think in solitude, over these past several weeks, has paid off as insight into the main source of my escalating anxiety is in the process of emerging.

 With clarity into the subconscious source of my distress, my adrenal glands stopped pumping adrenalin into my blood stream.  And as my sense of balance returned, my mind and body relaxed.

As making sense of subconscious (unidentified) anxiety requires the thought processing center of the mind to engage in mental gymnastics, I'm exhausted for sound reason.  Upon re-energizing, I'll begin to pen a summary of insights, recently gleaned and consciously absorbed, by way of posting new found gains in self awareness, beginning with much of what I'm feeling free to express, so naturally, right now ...

Though Will and I continue to gain energy, daily, awareness concerning an upcoming series of psa test results understandably undermines our peace of mind.  You see, the path report, following Will's surgery, suggests that the surgical margins are compromised, meaning not free of disease, which is cause for concern.  If results from this series of psa tests do not prove negligible, radiation may be necessary.  As Will's first psa will take place in four weeks and then be repeated every three months, the waiting game continues.  However, stress, understood by the conscious mind, can be controlled by mustering courage.  The same is not true when stress escalates due to fear that remains subconsciously repressed (unidentified), over long.

During these past four months since Will's cancer was diagnosed, attentiveness on the part of our three sons proves that the fruit does not fall far from the tree.  And the loving spirits of our dearest friends, near and far, continue to offer us both an abundance of heartfelt support as well as well balanced meals, enjoyed in their company, most especially over these past four weeks following surgery.

Today, Will returned to the office, part time.  As for me,  I've resumed writing in hopes of working to more fully absorb a fact that remains constant throughout the ages:

When the subject is life or love, none knows what to expect, in terms of surprises, which may emerge from within the subconscious, next.

 On the other hand, this too is true:  Upon absorbing insight into the complex functions of the brain, we are more apt to shed light upon dark situations that stymied us in the past.  In short, the more astute we become in identifying idealistic (unrealistic) or pessimistic (negatively focused) attitudes, subconsciously hidden from conscious awareness, the more readily do we identify self defeating patterns of thought, which detour us from achieving heartfelt goals that remain beyond our reach.

 With that awareness in mind, the honor student in me has come to believe this next thought with the utmost of conviction;  Achieving ever-heightening degrees of personal and professional success depends upon deepening one's connection to self discovery.

At each stage of life each of us confronts experiences that shock our socks off.  When an unexpected experience results in a surprising emotional reaction, common sense suggests that we take time to question personal perceptions, which may be off track or half baked.

Lately, I've begun to refer to common sense as uncommon sense for this reason:  Making good use of common sense is not as common as we think, and here's why that's true ... common sense relies upon logical thought, which is hijacked as soon as a strong emotional reaction gains control over our brains.  

Hence the name of my blog:  Have you got a clue (as to what's really going on, deep inside your mind) or is your brain still fooling you into thinking that you know the sum of your traits, through and through—when in truth, you do not?

Each time a surprising reaction of my own offers me reason to dive a bit deeper into my mind, I emerge, after time (well spent) in introspection with a missing puzzle piece that alters my present perception of the person I actually am.

As insight into both sides of my traits continues to deepen, attitudes, which had shaped my perspective, continue to alter in one of two ways:  While certain memories, newly retrieved, lighten my view of myself, other memories offer me a darker view of character traits that my ego would rather deny.  And that's most especially true when a vulnerability leaps out of my mind in an area that I'd considered a personal strength.

As this is exactly what took place over the past several weeks, I'll do my best in upcoming posts to describe how time spent in introspection opened my mind to absorb a pair of insights, which offered me clarity into the heightened anxiety levels that I experienced during the two weeks preceding and the two weeks following Will's surgery ...

I mean, if my strong sense of courage matched Will's during the first six weeks after my husband's cancer was diagnosed ... what changed???