Just as we’re susceptible to anxiety testing our patience when we have no clue as to why abnormal cellular material, invading healthy body tissue, creates dis/ease, which disturbs the natural progression of our personal lives, I rarely have a clue as to why the natural cadence of a post is disrupted by an abrupt change in font size, which, due to my limited knowledge concerning the complex functionality of my computer, cannot convince autocorrect to cooperate with my best efforts to repair a font’s lapse in conformity as exemplified within yesterday’s post when all of my patience, directing creativity to create change for the better so as to publish a train of thought, which was compliant with my being ‘the boss’ was ignored by my computer’s hard drive in similar fashion to the fact that anyone who attempts to boss a child’s independent spirit around is fated to fail unless the child in question is brow-beaten to such a relentless degree by an authority figure whose bullying attitude proves so harsh as to lambast the youngster’s self image until the independent nature of his/her spirit feels so broken by a constant barrage of battering chatter that makes so little sense as to shatter clarity of mind, ala the main character in the movie SHINE played brilliantly by Geoffrey Rush.
Wikipedia:
SHINE is a 1996 Australian biographical drama film based on the life of pianist David Helfgott, who
Suffered a mental breakdown (under the battered tutelage of his father) and spent years in institutions.
I’ll never forget the scene in which David’s father, a holocaust survivor, is seen
Physically beating his child (a gifted pianist) for not playing
A highly complex composition with perfection while declaring::
No one will ever love you as much as I do.
Nothing messes with the human brain’s natural development of
Mental clarity as does a mIxed message as confounding as that.
Wednesday, November 20, 2019
Monday, November 18, 2019
PATIENCE—A YOUNGER FRIEND PARENTS A THREE YEAR OLD ...
In answer to a question asked of me recently by the father of a fully spirited three year old child, today’s insight-laden train of thought concerning his current level of patience flowed so clearly onto my screen as if my memory, resembling a mountain stream rushing downhill, had suddenly released a waterfall of words, which, upon splashing forward, was empowered, midair, to reassemble themselves into the voice of experience, washing a barrage of self demeaning misperceptions right out of his head ...
As you shall see, this affable adult had been one of several rambunctious boys, who’d spent most of his developmental years enjoying sleepovers with my three sons while the whole kit and caboodle of kids (whose number increased as Barry, Steve and David grew toward manhood), had been reflecting over my tool box of positively focused parenting techniques, which he'd observed during childhood (I’d had no clue as to how many children had marveled at my patience until several, who are currently parenting children of their own, chose to open up to me as did this loving father, last week.)
Below you'll find my reply to his email (though he’d lived in Europe for quite some time, currently, his home is a two hour drive from mine) in which his frustration concerning his low level of patience with his beloved daughter's age-appropriate antics was revealed, and, upon reading that John believed his level of patience could not hold a candle to mine, I chuckled, knowing how quickly my reply would light the wick on the candle in his mind, which has unknowingly awaited the mere flick of the match that will brighten his thoughts, which, having cast dark shadows over his self conceived perception of himself as his darling daughter’s brand new (inexperienced) father, have been in need of welcoming a positively focused sense of recalibration (Quelle surprise! :)
Since I know full well that mustering parental patience proves to be a universal challenge, my reply began with—Think of it this way, John—working toward heightening your current level of patience is like working toward lifting weights in tolerable increments. We start out at a low level, and upon becoming aware of need to up our game, we set the bar slightly higher, day by day, until we come to realize that while disciplining the independent spirit of a beloved child, we are also charged with disciplining ourselves, and here is the good news: We have plenty of time to achieve success with both tasks being that, generally speaking, we have 18 years to create a disciple of each deeply loved child by role modeling the same positively focused attitudes, reactions, voice tones, word choices and behaviors that we hope to inspire our young to develop (mimic)—little by little.
At some point, a parent who has worked toward mastering heightened levels of patience so as to continue to discipline youngsters with generosity of spirit, becomes aware of need to offer up the look of love, emanating naturally from within one’s own heart, while verbally engaging with a misbehaving child, eye to eye, so that your little one, feeling deeply loved at all times, will eventually grow to feel less naturally defiant, more sensibly cooperative, for this reason: Each time we remember to keep our young children’s feelings in the forefront of our minds so as to hold insulting retorts at bay, they, feeling less and less defensive, grow ever more apt to listen to what we feel need to say with an open mind, and when it's the child's turn to reply, his/her emotional reactiveness, becoming less, testy, will offer a response that makes sense rather than prolonging a tantrum that ends up in time out, and that's most especially true during those years when adults have need to tune into the fact that while raising pre-teens, whose independent spirits are naturally as rebellious as was true at the age of two (when a child's processor, advancing through one of the first natural stages of child development, will be likely to continue to tantrum if he or she is subjected to watching parental reactiveness fail to tame the adult version of 'tantrumming' back by flinging negatively focused threats directly at the child, thus inflaming defensive attitudes on both sides to continue to erupt each time a conflict raises its ornery little head—unless the adult leads the way toward conscientiously working toward retraining both brains to listen with a heightening connection to patience so as to answer a child's right to feel respected with love, logic and clarity intact ...
Reflection suggests that with love, logic and patience intact, my think tank rustled up so much good old fashioned humor as to encourage the young minds of my trio of rambunctious sons to fall into line, once they'd absorbed the fact that each logical consequence, which popped out of my mouth, was meted with such consistency and proved so out of the ordinary as to be considered both fair and just (as well as, often times, being so funny as to border upon the ridiculous), which is why, more often than not, my sons processors didn’t know whether to remain defiant or burst out laughing, and every time laughter, which is contagious, conjoined our hearts, defensive attitudes on both sides disintegrated into thin air so naturally that positively focused attitudes felt sound reason to bloom during moments when solution seeking proved necessary if we were to continue to exist peaceably under one roof, and as a result of feeling curiously amused and mutually respected, spirits lightened up so quickly, all around, that eventually, solutions were successfully negotiated each time my sons chose to listen openly to sound reasoning, emanating from my heart so lovingly, as to reconsider the validity of adult oriented values, which, had been offered up for discussion without being force fed, and as, over time, we'd carved out this path, together, the compassionate minds of two generations had worked ever more cooperatively to narrow the gap, which classically separates the decision-making process of experienced elders from the thoughts of youngsters, which being naturally egocentric, had little clue of the fact that each time we passed the solution-seeking talking stick around the table (rather than hitting our teens with consequences that young minds naturally defy), our conversational discussions continued to close in upon universal need to prioritize that which we tend to call 'family values', which, from one generation to the next, are always in some state of flux.
As you shall see, this affable adult had been one of several rambunctious boys, who’d spent most of his developmental years enjoying sleepovers with my three sons while the whole kit and caboodle of kids (whose number increased as Barry, Steve and David grew toward manhood), had been reflecting over my tool box of positively focused parenting techniques, which he'd observed during childhood (I’d had no clue as to how many children had marveled at my patience until several, who are currently parenting children of their own, chose to open up to me as did this loving father, last week.)
Below you'll find my reply to his email (though he’d lived in Europe for quite some time, currently, his home is a two hour drive from mine) in which his frustration concerning his low level of patience with his beloved daughter's age-appropriate antics was revealed, and, upon reading that John believed his level of patience could not hold a candle to mine, I chuckled, knowing how quickly my reply would light the wick on the candle in his mind, which has unknowingly awaited the mere flick of the match that will brighten his thoughts, which, having cast dark shadows over his self conceived perception of himself as his darling daughter’s brand new (inexperienced) father, have been in need of welcoming a positively focused sense of recalibration (Quelle surprise! :)
Since I know full well that mustering parental patience proves to be a universal challenge, my reply began with—Think of it this way, John—working toward heightening your current level of patience is like working toward lifting weights in tolerable increments. We start out at a low level, and upon becoming aware of need to up our game, we set the bar slightly higher, day by day, until we come to realize that while disciplining the independent spirit of a beloved child, we are also charged with disciplining ourselves, and here is the good news: We have plenty of time to achieve success with both tasks being that, generally speaking, we have 18 years to create a disciple of each deeply loved child by role modeling the same positively focused attitudes, reactions, voice tones, word choices and behaviors that we hope to inspire our young to develop (mimic)—little by little.
At some point, a parent who has worked toward mastering heightened levels of patience so as to continue to discipline youngsters with generosity of spirit, becomes aware of need to offer up the look of love, emanating naturally from within one’s own heart, while verbally engaging with a misbehaving child, eye to eye, so that your little one, feeling deeply loved at all times, will eventually grow to feel less naturally defiant, more sensibly cooperative, for this reason: Each time we remember to keep our young children’s feelings in the forefront of our minds so as to hold insulting retorts at bay, they, feeling less and less defensive, grow ever more apt to listen to what we feel need to say with an open mind, and when it's the child's turn to reply, his/her emotional reactiveness, becoming less, testy, will offer a response that makes sense rather than prolonging a tantrum that ends up in time out, and that's most especially true during those years when adults have need to tune into the fact that while raising pre-teens, whose independent spirits are naturally as rebellious as was true at the age of two (when a child's processor, advancing through one of the first natural stages of child development, will be likely to continue to tantrum if he or she is subjected to watching parental reactiveness fail to tame the adult version of 'tantrumming' back by flinging negatively focused threats directly at the child, thus inflaming defensive attitudes on both sides to continue to erupt each time a conflict raises its ornery little head—unless the adult leads the way toward conscientiously working toward retraining both brains to listen with a heightening connection to patience so as to answer a child's right to feel respected with love, logic and clarity intact ...
Reflection suggests that with love, logic and patience intact, my think tank rustled up so much good old fashioned humor as to encourage the young minds of my trio of rambunctious sons to fall into line, once they'd absorbed the fact that each logical consequence, which popped out of my mouth, was meted with such consistency and proved so out of the ordinary as to be considered both fair and just (as well as, often times, being so funny as to border upon the ridiculous), which is why, more often than not, my sons processors didn’t know whether to remain defiant or burst out laughing, and every time laughter, which is contagious, conjoined our hearts, defensive attitudes on both sides disintegrated into thin air so naturally that positively focused attitudes felt sound reason to bloom during moments when solution seeking proved necessary if we were to continue to exist peaceably under one roof, and as a result of feeling curiously amused and mutually respected, spirits lightened up so quickly, all around, that eventually, solutions were successfully negotiated each time my sons chose to listen openly to sound reasoning, emanating from my heart so lovingly, as to reconsider the validity of adult oriented values, which, had been offered up for discussion without being force fed, and as, over time, we'd carved out this path, together, the compassionate minds of two generations had worked ever more cooperatively to narrow the gap, which classically separates the decision-making process of experienced elders from the thoughts of youngsters, which being naturally egocentric, had little clue of the fact that each time we passed the solution-seeking talking stick around the table (rather than hitting our teens with consequences that young minds naturally defy), our conversational discussions continued to close in upon universal need to prioritize that which we tend to call 'family values', which, from one generation to the next, are always in some state of flux.
In short, rather than forcing my sons to follow my lead, I disciplined my head to remain so calm as to conjure up consequences that proved so creative (yet based in logic) as to be instructive rather than punitive in nature—and as years passed in which all of our brains had been calmly trained to continue to practice self discipline in order to refrain from bellowing out negatively focused thoughts, tempers on both sides were tamed by developing levels of patience, which empowered our think tanks to rise above and beyond the natural eruption of temper tantrums most especially during trying times when conflict resolution relies upon heightened levels of patience, which focuses everyone's processors toward seeking solutions in a lucid, loving, mutually respectful manner as is likely to prove true of our immediate family, today, and with thoughts focused upon brainstorming toward logic based solutions aimed at creating change for the better, all around, the role of leadership has become ever more fluid and dynamic rather than remaining melodramatically static ...
I believe the first rule of thumb to raising children creatively rather than autocratically is to become aware of inner need to up your patience level incrementally so that eventually, your talking and listening skills, during moments of conflict, improve so dramatically that you come to see yourself as the boss of your temper, because you’re fooling yourself if you believe you're the boss of your child's temperament being that way deep down inside every active mind, no one is the boss of another person’s independent spirit, and once that deeper truth has been thoroughly absorbed into a parent’s mind, that’s when conflict resolution begins to lead away from defensive or passive aggressive reactiveness so as to create an emotional environment in home after home that feels so well balanced, safe and sound and FUN (and funny) that everyone, no matter their stage of life, feels free to cherish time spent with those who have worked transparently to identify and challenge their narrow mindsets to expand, thus inspiring others to work through differences peaceably much more often than not. And, having served up this nourishing slice of child-raising knowledge, which my curiosity hungered to seek out and digest, over my lifetime, with you, I feel happy to know how openly (rather than defensively) you await my striking the match, which passes the candle of 'spiritual lightness of being' to you, Barry, Steven and, one day, to David with one cautionary suggestion—
Please place your lightsabers aside lest your little ones start swinging them around indiscriminately before their think tanks have matured to comprehend the self-empowering potential that exists within every brain to communicate so logically during moments fraught with conflict that word weaponry feels utterly unnecessary (even when it's flung menacingly at me), and the earlier we refrain from flinging insulting misperceptions around, the earlier your offspring, having begun to absorb tidbits of knowledge passed forward from the minds of sages who came before you and me, will begin to feel self inspired to understand how best to motivate the next generation to comply with clearly expressed family rules, little by little, while everyone’s heart, working in tandem toward offering up every person’s best efforts to grow toward adulthood while prioritizing the values of high principled leaders, who openly model their pursuit of self improvement, happiness and justice for all....
If you’ll send me your home address, I’d like to send you a book that was my bible when Barry was two years old.
The title of this wealth of knowledge is CHILDREN THE CHALLENGE, penned by Rudolph Dreikurs, father of positive discipline, whose disciple was Alfred Adler.
As always, everyone in our family loves you, as we have ever since you and Barry were elephants walking in a ring during your kindergarten circus when you were not much older than your precious daughter proves to be, right now.
Once I’m well, we’ll get together for sure. I’m eager to enjoy a playdate with Beatrice and Steven’s daughter, Ravi, who will be five, this month.
As always, everyone in our family loves you, as we have ever since you and Barry were elephants walking in a ring during your kindergarten circus when you were not much older than your precious daughter proves to be, right now.
Once I’m well, we’ll get together for sure. I’m eager to enjoy a playdate with Beatrice and Steven’s daughter, Ravi, who will be five, this month.
Sending lots of love to all three of you,
💕🌈🌻Annie
Saturday, November 16, 2019
WITH PATIENCE INTACT MY SIGHTS REMAIN SET TOWARD HEALING—UPDATE #3
No way am I planning to miss out on Thanksgiving as proved true of Halloween! And now that the assertive nature of my current attitude (attitudes are known to shift) has been clearly stated, I hope you’re picturing my spirit smiling with appreciation for all of your best wishes, which pave my way toward healing, day after day, based in your heartfelt generosity, which buoys Will's spirit and mine as naturally as a series of gentle breezes lifts a kite.
Today, David flies home after having spent the past week on the coast, where he enjoyed two meetings with production companies, both proving highly interested in a pitch that he and his comedy writing partner were invited to present, and as one of those production companies is headed by Conan O’Brian (while another pitch to Seth Rogen’s production company is scheduled after Thanksgiving), good news, such as that, giddies my spirit with hope—I mean, receiving invitations to pitch to such heavy hitters is a feather in his cap.
Upon reflecting over the mainstay of my parenting experience, memory spotlights Barry, Steven and David taking turns inspiring Will’s spirit and mine to soar on the wings of love, which transport our family, again and again, toward hoping for the best no matter how often fate challenges each of us to stretch toward achieving another long range goal, while we five, acting as one, choose to stand up and position our inner strengths to inch another rubber tree forward with this caveat—rather than Antman coming to mind, my musings see our sons as busy bees, honeying their father’s life and mine, today, as hopefully, we’d honeyed theirs during those fleeting years in which we’d laughed, together—while downing chocolate chip pancakes round our kitchen table with their friends who'd slept over, weekend after weekend—at youthful antics, which, over the long run, proved harmless as three rambunctious little boys developed into the trio of men whom we continue to admire and adore for countless reasons, today. And though all three may be rolling their eyes as if to say—Mom, give it a rest—my heartfelt smile attests to the fact that today’s recollections, being freely expressed, reflect no more than the truth, which pleasures my spirit at a time when I’m consciously savoring every memory that saves my inner strengths from any possibility of drooping, no matter what today’s sobering reality offers us to consider with clarity intact. BTW, having mentioned 'sobering', have I shared this next thought with you? Upon being advised that I'd have a port, I expressed a proactive stance, advising the radiology oncologist that I've designed a port, which, along with infusing chemo, accommodates vodka, straight up, and with a chuckle, he assured me of seriously considering my request.
Today, David flies home after having spent the past week on the coast, where he enjoyed two meetings with production companies, both proving highly interested in a pitch that he and his comedy writing partner were invited to present, and as one of those production companies is headed by Conan O’Brian (while another pitch to Seth Rogen’s production company is scheduled after Thanksgiving), good news, such as that, giddies my spirit with hope—I mean, receiving invitations to pitch to such heavy hitters is a feather in his cap.
Upon reflecting over the mainstay of my parenting experience, memory spotlights Barry, Steven and David taking turns inspiring Will’s spirit and mine to soar on the wings of love, which transport our family, again and again, toward hoping for the best no matter how often fate challenges each of us to stretch toward achieving another long range goal, while we five, acting as one, choose to stand up and position our inner strengths to inch another rubber tree forward with this caveat—rather than Antman coming to mind, my musings see our sons as busy bees, honeying their father’s life and mine, today, as hopefully, we’d honeyed theirs during those fleeting years in which we’d laughed, together—while downing chocolate chip pancakes round our kitchen table with their friends who'd slept over, weekend after weekend—at youthful antics, which, over the long run, proved harmless as three rambunctious little boys developed into the trio of men whom we continue to admire and adore for countless reasons, today. And though all three may be rolling their eyes as if to say—Mom, give it a rest—my heartfelt smile attests to the fact that today’s recollections, being freely expressed, reflect no more than the truth, which pleasures my spirit at a time when I’m consciously savoring every memory that saves my inner strengths from any possibility of drooping, no matter what today’s sobering reality offers us to consider with clarity intact. BTW, having mentioned 'sobering', have I shared this next thought with you? Upon being advised that I'd have a port, I expressed a proactive stance, advising the radiology oncologist that I've designed a port, which, along with infusing chemo, accommodates vodka, straight up, and with a chuckle, he assured me of seriously considering my request.
Last Monday, I underwent an early morning cardiac mri that took longer than 1 and 1/2 hours of holding my breath (not all at once, of course) for many seconds, repeatedly. Why? Because, just as with any MRI, I had need to stay perfectly still, which proves impossible when pictures are taken of our hearts, which never stop pumping oxygen throughout every nook, cranny and crevice of our bodies, and though I was given earmuffs, so much pounding assaulted my ears for an hour and a half that I, feeling a bit light headed upon being helped to my feet, looked forward to enjoying a quiet, peaceful day, except for a brief time when Will and I drove to Steven’s to meet Ravi’s brand new puppy—an eight week old Rhodesian Ridgeback (born of a breed originally bred to hunt lions), suggesting that this adorable puppy will grow to be pony size within the next few months. And watching Ravi and Netfliks (Being not quite five, Ravi named her newest playmate with the humorous acceptance of her parents’ attitude, as two youngsters, both cavorting like puppies, began to fall in love with each other so naturally as to stimulate my spirit to sing to the tune of—younger than springtime am I, when with you ...
Night after night, one couple after another, offer to bring dinner, and though my appetite is nil, the men who I adore, are eager to dig in, and in addition to enjoying the soothing presence of extended family and friends, I indulge in a glass of my favorite wine, which offers just enough effervescence to tickle my spirit—because as long as my spirit remains strongly focused upon the upside of life, the downside of engaging in a game of Red Rover has no chance in hell of dominating any portion of my conscious mind ... in short, each time a downhearted thought so much as arises, positivity clicks a switch inside my head that change tracks AFAIHP (as fast as is humanly possible.) and that's the truth.
The next day after Netflik’s homecoming was spent at the hospital, where I was positioned within a soft body mask which, having been shaped over and around my chest, created a hardened mold, which will prevent any body movement at all while each beam of radiation is specifically directed to target four tiny dots tattooed strategically upon my upper body thus aiming my daily absorption of radiation so precisely as to preserve the good health of tissue unaffected, as of yet, by this tumor, whose hunger we plan to zap ASAP (followed by chemo, also scheduled to commence right before Thanksgiving week when all of our kids, big and small, plan to fly in to celebrate so much that we each feel thankful for, most especially, our positively focused love for and supportive friendships with one another, and since my grandsons are growing so fast, I just ordered new NFL licensed sleeping bags each rendering their favorite teams, so they can curl up each night in our well appointed guest room at the foot of Marie and Barry’s bed, dreaming of cuddling—whoops, I mean huddling with their favorite players on the field while holding tight to new pillow pets illustrating their team mascots, because I remain aware of the fact that our youngest weekend warriors, garbed in team pj's, are still vulnerable boys at heart. 😊
Hopefully, Ravi, not having transformed into an avid sports fan, as of yet, will continue to adore her princess sleeping bag, shaped to resemble Belle, ala Beauty and the Beast. And needless to say, a new pillow pet will be hers to snuggle with during sleep overs, as well.
Hopefully, Ravi, not having transformed into an avid sports fan, as of yet, will continue to adore her princess sleeping bag, shaped to resemble Belle, ala Beauty and the Beast. And needless to say, a new pillow pet will be hers to snuggle with during sleep overs, as well.
As for me, I feel like a blue eyed, brunette, seventy five year old lass, who has tumbled down the rabbit’s hole, because just as Alice made her way through one confounding experience after another, I plan to do the same while focusing my mind and spirit upon landing on silver linings, reflecting my daily decision to turn my face toward the sunny side of life, where healing is bound to take place based in my vision of my extended family’s positively focused strength of will being infused within the port, as well, and if that imaginative vision makes a cock-eyed optimist of me then what time in my life could be more appropriate for my brain to envision all of us circling round, hand in hand, steadying the stance of my mind's eye, than right now? 😍
As I'm fully aware of so much love flowing freely, hopefully you can feel me sending bunches of heartfelt feelings into cyberspace in hopes that your arms, opening wide, will catch and absorb so much of my chosen attitude that you, too, have a horn of plenty to pass forward as our holiday season spreads good will to one and all, throughout a world so magical that one day, a loving connection concerning mind control will have tamed greed so that each of us, peopling the rainbow that is sure to encircle the globe, will believe in Peter Pan, Wendy, Tinkerbell and the lost boys inspiring Captain Hook and his merry crew to assemble under Mary Poppin’s umbrella, which upon lift off, will fill our ears with this unlikely choir belting out—a spoonful of sugar and spice and everything nice makes humility arise, etc. etc., etc ... are you listening Donald Duck? I mean trump?
Annie ❤️😘🌈🌻
Friday, November 15, 2019
THIS MATTER OF YAY OR NAY CONCERNING SURGERY IS MORE SERIOUS THAN WE’D EVER IMAGINED
Lots took place, this week, as
Will and I walked into
One doctor’s office after another on
The campus of a major medical clinic of
Renown throughout the world; in fact
Had clarity not become a focal point for
My brain to focus upon, during
These past several years, I’m certain that
My mind would feel so boggled as to
Deem penning my innermost thoughts
Impossible, so thank goodness
My conscious connection to
Maintaining my sense of clarity during
Trying times proves well practiced while
This most serious decision making process, which
Has ever occupied our minds is actively
Taking place, right now ...
And once we learn whether or not
I am a candidate for a surgery that
Boggles all of our minds you can rely upon
The fact that I’ll share our decision with
You, knowing that each time
My emotional reactions are penned in
A straight forward manner
My think tank gains a much more
Comprehensive understanding of
What lies immediately ahead no matter if
We are told yay or nay by the surgeon in
Houston who is currently studying
The results of all of my most recent tests
And until such time as we’re packing for
A flight to Texas or readying my mind to accept
My need of higher doses of radiation and
Chemo than had originally been projected
The presence of my loved ones as well as
Their quick to laugh acceptance of
My quirky sense of humor, which runs
Full hog when called forth by
My defense system whenever anxiety has
Need to be penned within
A holding tank until my return to
Good health is restored, I, too, will
Rely upon my wacky imagination to
Buoy my spirit, which has served to
Captain the ship shape nature of
Our family’s emotional balance for
The duration of whatever time will constitute
Our latest venture into the great unknown, which
Each of us, supported by lifelong
Friendships, plans to transverse as
One fully fueled, self empowered, heartfelt
Brain trust as has proved true throughout
Our past whenever fate forgets to tell bad news to
Take a hike, in fact, my closest friend just
Called, asking to come over, right now, and
Upon answering sure, she replied—good, because
I’m standing before your front door, suggesting
My memory opening to twenty years ago, when
The only place I felt safe, during her breast cancer
Scare was right next to her on her king sized bed, so
Once her knock on our front door announced her
Unexpected presence, I realized it was time to
Shower and groom myself for whomsoever’s
Unexpected presence may people my day—lucky me.
Will and I walked into
One doctor’s office after another on
The campus of a major medical clinic of
Renown throughout the world; in fact
Had clarity not become a focal point for
My brain to focus upon, during
These past several years, I’m certain that
My mind would feel so boggled as to
Deem penning my innermost thoughts
Impossible, so thank goodness
My conscious connection to
Maintaining my sense of clarity during
Trying times proves well practiced while
This most serious decision making process, which
Has ever occupied our minds is actively
Taking place, right now ...
And once we learn whether or not
I am a candidate for a surgery that
Boggles all of our minds you can rely upon
The fact that I’ll share our decision with
You, knowing that each time
My emotional reactions are penned in
A straight forward manner
My think tank gains a much more
Comprehensive understanding of
What lies immediately ahead no matter if
We are told yay or nay by the surgeon in
Houston who is currently studying
The results of all of my most recent tests
And until such time as we’re packing for
A flight to Texas or readying my mind to accept
My need of higher doses of radiation and
Chemo than had originally been projected
The presence of my loved ones as well as
Their quick to laugh acceptance of
My quirky sense of humor, which runs
Full hog when called forth by
My defense system whenever anxiety has
Need to be penned within
A holding tank until my return to
Good health is restored, I, too, will
Rely upon my wacky imagination to
Buoy my spirit, which has served to
Captain the ship shape nature of
Our family’s emotional balance for
The duration of whatever time will constitute
Our latest venture into the great unknown, which
Each of us, supported by lifelong
Friendships, plans to transverse as
One fully fueled, self empowered, heartfelt
Brain trust as has proved true throughout
Our past whenever fate forgets to tell bad news to
Take a hike, in fact, my closest friend just
Called, asking to come over, right now, and
Upon answering sure, she replied—good, because
I’m standing before your front door, suggesting
My memory opening to twenty years ago, when
The only place I felt safe, during her breast cancer
Scare was right next to her on her king sized bed, so
Once her knock on our front door announced her
Unexpected presence, I realized it was time to
Shower and groom myself for whomsoever’s
Unexpected presence may people my day—lucky me.
Tuesday, November 12, 2019
IF ASKED WHY I’M MOST THANKFUL FOR EMDR THERAPY, WHICH ENCOURAGES ME TO 'FRIEND' INTUITIVE TRAINS OF THOUGHT, I’D REPLY ...
HEAR YE! HEAR YE!
WITHIN TODAY’S POST, I’ll PROCLAIM SOUND REASON FOR FEELING ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR HAVING ‘FRIENDED' INTUITIVE TRAINS OF THOUGHT, WHICH FLOW EVER MORE NATURALLY OUT OF THE SUBCONSCIOUS PORTION OF MY PROCESSOR WHERE WISDOM, RESIDING WITHIN INTERWOVEN STRANDS OF DNA, HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THROUGH THE AGES BY SAGES, WHO, HAVING FELT MENTALLY CHALLENGED TO STRING INSIGHTS TOGETHER, ASSEMBLED BIGGER PICTURES THAT OFFER OUR CURRENT GENERATION OF LEADERS SOUND REASON TO EMBRACE A NEW PERSPECTIVE CONCERNING HOW BEST TO RESOLVE ON-GOING CONFLICTS SO RESPECTFULLY AS TO ULTIMATELY MEET WITH SUCCESS WHILE DEBATING HOW BEST TO BETTER THE LIVES OF CHILDREN, WOMEN AND MEN THROUGHOUT THIS GREAT BIG WONDERFUL WORLD, WHICH, BEING OURS TO SHARE, WILL SUSTAIN THE WELL BEING OF ONE AND ALL ONCE A DEFENSIVE ATTRACTION TO GREED IS REPLACED BY VALUES THAT FOCUS ATTENTIVENESS UPON UNIVERSAL NEED TO PRIORITIZE A GROWING SENSE OF SELF DISCIPLINED GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT, BEGINNING AT HOME SO AS TO RAISE CHILDREN, WHO ARE WELL PRACTICED AT TRULY EMBRACING A PERSONAL AWARENESS OF THE POWER OF POSITIVITY, CONCERNING THE BRAIN’S CAPACITY TO OFFER EACH OTHER THE BEST THAT HUMAN NATURE HAS TO OFFER MUCH MORE OFTEN THEN NOT ...
Wow!
Who knew that upon
Arising, yesterday morning
My intuitive powers, having been
Aroused, would emerge feeling
Need to express an insight-driven
Train of thought, which
Proved so lengthy as to seem
Inclusive of condensing
A wealth of knowledge, which
My intelligence felt
Compelled to seek out
Absorb and contain within
The subconscious portion of
My memory bank throughout
My adult life?
Certainly, not me—because
Deeper truth suggests that
The conscious portion of
My brain offers me no clue of
Every inter-related subconscious
Awareness, which, from time to time
Feels need to pour forth from
My processor as naturally as
Yesterday’s post appeared on
My screen, one word marching
Out of the depths of my think tank
After another as if a verbal faucet had been
Spontaneously empowered to
Turn itself on by that which we deem
Divine intervention, because
The Annie, I know, who tends to be corny
Can’t believe that yesterday’s train of
Thought flowed straight out of my head
I mean, seriously, while pounding away at
My keyboard, my connection to conscious
Awareness entertained no clue as to whether
Yesterday’s train of thought even made
Sense until I reviewed every word in
The aftermath of its intuitive completion
Thank goodness I’ve engaged in
Countless sessions of
EMDR therapy ever since
Having been diagnosed
Late in my life with PTSD
Thank goodness my present therapist
Who is so well-trained in EMDR therapy as
To have co-authored the text book studied
In masters of psychology programs throughout
The world, encourages me to believe in
My brain’s capacity to regain, retain and
Divulge healing insights to myself, which
Having been repressed by my defense system
During childhood, feel encouraged by
My host of acquired inner strengths to
Ready themselves to filter through
My subconscious wall of denial which
Exists so deep within my brain as to have
Compartmentalized one layer of
Mental complexities upon another as
If to stuff scary secrets (that fear has kept
Hidden from my conscious self) into
A well organized warehouse within
The intelligent portion of my brain, which
Appears to know which file cabinet to
Open, one after another, so that
My mind, functioning as a well balanced whole
Guides the conscious portion of my brain to
Openly accept the flow of long-forgotten
Details whenever my subconscious feels
My self confident sense of readiness to take another
Leap of faith toward revealing the development of
Character traits belonging to the person, whom
I continue to choose to grow to become, suggesting that
Each time I face adversity head on, a lengthy
Insight laden train of thought (like this one) is likely to
Filter, word by word, through the conscious portion of
My brain until the mind that I blow most of all is my own ...
Holy Toledo!—as today's insightful string of
Musings has offered up all that my intuitive powers are
Aiming to voice, today, tis time to groom
Myself to walk into the hospital clinic where
Will’s heartfelt inner strengths, conjoining with
My own, will serve to heighten my level of
Self confident e motional intelligence as
Together, we absorb test results that will
Have readied a well trained team of
Physicians and their compassionate staff to
Discuss a proactive treatment plan so as to
Steady my spirit’s emotional focus to readily
Reconnect with my sense of wholeness so as
To recharge my inner strengths each time
I’ll need to relax in hopes of absorbing
Whatever doses of radiation and
Chemo therapies that are sure to
require as much courageous patience as
I can humanly muster once
Medical knowledge has mapped out
An experiential course of interventional
Strategy, which will, hopefully, eventually
Lead me toward enjoying a complete recovery in
The aftermath of the delicate lung surgery meant to
Cleanse my body of foreign cellular
Critters too stubborn for proton radiation and
Chemo to scare away, and as these little buggers
Are brainless and mean me no harm, and as
I know that anxiety disrupts my brain’s hold
Onto intelligence, I hope to make sound use of
My well practiced trait of conscious-mind-control
(Which developed during the years that I'd chosen to
Lead my sons toward a path where my personal
Library of child-raising tomes inspired me to
Make each child’s processor fully aware of
The importance of everyone in our family
Coaching oneself to participate in
Discussions concerning conflict resolution with
A growing sense of intelligent patience intact, and
Having had no clue of how often our
Line of Emotional Control would be of
Great value, over our entire lifetimes, I now
Find myself able to consciously call upon
My personal sense of mind control to sooth
Any hint of emotional distress by directing
A natural arousal of fear to sit in a comfortable
Time out chair feeling self-assured that my host of
Inner strengths are standing readied to steady
The well balanced mental focus of
My processor, which plans to take good care of
My whole self each time I awaken to whatever
'Unknown' fate has in store for me, day in and
Day out, as I choose to accept whatever is
Yet to come with a growing sense of
Inner peace (I hope) beating so naturally within
My heart as to sooth whatever subconscious vestige
Still exists of the frightened little girl, who
Had unknowingly chosen to embrace one courageous
Leap of faith after another until I, guided by intuition
Began to reflect back over each stage of
My life in which my processor listened for
The ‘little voice’ of insight, which coached me to
Choose to adhere to a growing sense of
Self respect, which proves necessary to
Leap over fear of failure and abandonment while
Maintaining my focus upon a road less taken, which
Beckoned to me by way of minds, which had felt
Compelled to author books that inspired me with
Trains of thought, which served to encourage
My processor to develop into the creative,
Thought provoking adult speaker and writer whom
A deeply traumatized child has, step by step
One day at a time, grown to be a teacher of
Children, an instructor of family communications
An author of articles published in
Parenting periodicals and upon retiring from
Professional life, a passionate blogger, whose
Open attitude concerning freely exposing
Flashes of my personal history proves to be
The very same adult who is planning to
Place my life, over these next several months, within
The well educated hands of a well disciplined brain trust
Knowing that, vulnerabilities and all, I will return home to
Find myself warmly respected and lovingly embraced by
Everyone I love at times when my spirit’s courage and
Patience may feel so worn, through and through, as to
Openly rely upon the inner strengths of many loved ones to
Aid me in pumping up which ever personal strength may
Have plumb wore out, and having 'said' all of
That to myself, today, that leaves me asking myself
What train of intuitive thought could aspire to be
More physically healing and spiritually buoying than
The one with which today’s post will end only to
Continue, most likely, along the same balance beam, tomorrow ...
WITHIN TODAY’S POST, I’ll PROCLAIM SOUND REASON FOR FEELING ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR HAVING ‘FRIENDED' INTUITIVE TRAINS OF THOUGHT, WHICH FLOW EVER MORE NATURALLY OUT OF THE SUBCONSCIOUS PORTION OF MY PROCESSOR WHERE WISDOM, RESIDING WITHIN INTERWOVEN STRANDS OF DNA, HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THROUGH THE AGES BY SAGES, WHO, HAVING FELT MENTALLY CHALLENGED TO STRING INSIGHTS TOGETHER, ASSEMBLED BIGGER PICTURES THAT OFFER OUR CURRENT GENERATION OF LEADERS SOUND REASON TO EMBRACE A NEW PERSPECTIVE CONCERNING HOW BEST TO RESOLVE ON-GOING CONFLICTS SO RESPECTFULLY AS TO ULTIMATELY MEET WITH SUCCESS WHILE DEBATING HOW BEST TO BETTER THE LIVES OF CHILDREN, WOMEN AND MEN THROUGHOUT THIS GREAT BIG WONDERFUL WORLD, WHICH, BEING OURS TO SHARE, WILL SUSTAIN THE WELL BEING OF ONE AND ALL ONCE A DEFENSIVE ATTRACTION TO GREED IS REPLACED BY VALUES THAT FOCUS ATTENTIVENESS UPON UNIVERSAL NEED TO PRIORITIZE A GROWING SENSE OF SELF DISCIPLINED GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT, BEGINNING AT HOME SO AS TO RAISE CHILDREN, WHO ARE WELL PRACTICED AT TRULY EMBRACING A PERSONAL AWARENESS OF THE POWER OF POSITIVITY, CONCERNING THE BRAIN’S CAPACITY TO OFFER EACH OTHER THE BEST THAT HUMAN NATURE HAS TO OFFER MUCH MORE OFTEN THEN NOT ...
Wow!
Who knew that upon
Arising, yesterday morning
My intuitive powers, having been
Aroused, would emerge feeling
Need to express an insight-driven
Train of thought, which
Proved so lengthy as to seem
Inclusive of condensing
A wealth of knowledge, which
My intelligence felt
Compelled to seek out
Absorb and contain within
The subconscious portion of
My memory bank throughout
My adult life?
Certainly, not me—because
Deeper truth suggests that
The conscious portion of
My brain offers me no clue of
Every inter-related subconscious
Awareness, which, from time to time
Feels need to pour forth from
My processor as naturally as
Yesterday’s post appeared on
My screen, one word marching
Out of the depths of my think tank
After another as if a verbal faucet had been
Spontaneously empowered to
Turn itself on by that which we deem
Divine intervention, because
The Annie, I know, who tends to be corny
Can’t believe that yesterday’s train of
Thought flowed straight out of my head
I mean, seriously, while pounding away at
My keyboard, my connection to conscious
Awareness entertained no clue as to whether
Yesterday’s train of thought even made
Sense until I reviewed every word in
The aftermath of its intuitive completion
Thank goodness I’ve engaged in
Countless sessions of
EMDR therapy ever since
Having been diagnosed
Late in my life with PTSD
Thank goodness my present therapist
Who is so well-trained in EMDR therapy as
To have co-authored the text book studied
In masters of psychology programs throughout
The world, encourages me to believe in
My brain’s capacity to regain, retain and
Divulge healing insights to myself, which
Having been repressed by my defense system
During childhood, feel encouraged by
My host of acquired inner strengths to
Ready themselves to filter through
My subconscious wall of denial which
Exists so deep within my brain as to have
Compartmentalized one layer of
Mental complexities upon another as
If to stuff scary secrets (that fear has kept
Hidden from my conscious self) into
A well organized warehouse within
The intelligent portion of my brain, which
Appears to know which file cabinet to
Open, one after another, so that
My mind, functioning as a well balanced whole
Guides the conscious portion of my brain to
Openly accept the flow of long-forgotten
Details whenever my subconscious feels
I continue to choose to grow to become, suggesting that
Each time I face adversity head on, a lengthy
Filter, word by word, through the conscious portion of
Holy Toledo!—as today's insightful string of
Aiming to voice, today, tis time to groom
Myself to walk into the hospital clinic where
Will’s heartfelt inner strengths, conjoining with
Physicians and their compassionate staff to
Steady my spirit’s emotional focus to readily
Reconnect with my sense of wholeness so as
Whatever doses of radiation and
Chemo therapies that are sure to
require as much courageous patience as
Medical knowledge has
Strategy, which w
Lead me toward enjoying a complete recovery in
The aftermath of the delicate lung surgery meant to
Critters too stubborn for proton radiation and
Chemo to scare away, and as these little buggers
Are brainless and mean me no harm, and as
I know that anxiety disrupts my brain’s hold
Onto intelligence, I hope to make sound use of
My well practiced trait of conscious-mind-control
(Which developed during the years that I'd chosen to
Lead my sons toward a path where my personal
The importance of everyone in our family
Coaching oneself to participate in
A growing sense of
Having had no clue of how often our
Line of Emotional Control would be of
Great value, over our entire lifetimes, I now
My personal sense of mind control to sooth
Any hint of emotional distress by directing
My processor, which plans to take good care of
Inner peace (I hope) beating so
Began to reflect back over each stage of
My life in which my processor listened for
The ‘little voice’ of insight, which coached me to
Choose to adhere to a growing sense of
Self respect, which proves necessary to
Leap over fear of failure and abandonment while
Maintaining my focus upon a road less taken, which
Beckoned to me by way of minds, which had felt
Compelled to author books that inspired me with
Trains of thought, which served to encourage
My processor to develop into the creative,
Thought provoking adult speaker and writer whom
A deeply traumatized child has, step by step
One day at a time, grown to be a teacher of
Children, an instructor of family communications
An author of articles published in
Parenting periodicals and upon retiring from
Professional life, a passionate blogger, whose
Open attitude concerning freely exposing
Flashes of my personal history proves to be
The very same adult who is planning to
The well educated hands of a well disciplined brain trust
Knowing that, vulnerabilities and all, I will return home to
Find myself warmly respected and lovingly embraced by
Everyone I love at times when my spirit’s
Patience may feel so worn, through and through, as to
Openly rely upon the inner strengths of many loved ones to
Aid me in pumping up which ever personal strength may
Have plumb wore out, and having 'said' all of
What train of intuitive thought could aspire to be
More physically healing and spiritually buoying than
Monday, November 11, 2019
AN INTUITIVE TRAIN OF THOUGHT SPOTLIGHTS MY NEED TO EMPOWER THE DEVELOPMENT OF A HOST OF PERSONAL STRENGTHS IN THE AFTERMATH OF CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
The answer to the riddle (which awaits
Your processor’s consideration directly
Below), will be threaded throughout
Today’s intuitive stream of
Consciousness so as to offer
Your think tank an ever deepening awareness of
The mental complexity that exists within
The subconscious portion of
Every human brain—so let’s straighten
Our thinking caps in readiness to spotlight
The answer to this riddle—
What is to be gained by considering
A detailed account of Annie’s and Joseph’s
Star-crossed story?
(If you are new to my blog, please note
That, having changed everyone’s names, I
Refer to myself as Annie and my husband
As Will) for reasons which will
Become apparent, down the road)
And now, having offered you time to
Straighten your thinking cap—
Here we go—
One glance at this week's stats shows us that
The number of South Koreans who are choosing to
Consider my trains of thought continues to
Increase, offering my processor sound reason to extend
A warm welcome to those of you who feel inspired to
Connect your hopes and dreams for a peaceful future with
Mine concerning world wide need to seek out and
Make sound use of a host of communication skills, which
Being mutually respectful, will serve to expand
Narrow mindsets toward communal need to
Heighten current levels of patience as
Proves necessary if we are to listen ever more
Objectively (less defensively) to opinions based in
Experiences that differ from our own, and every time
One of my trains of thought challenges your processor to
Feel inspired to climb up yet another rung on
The ladder of emotional maturity by setting
Bursts of impatience in time out
You and I may find both of our processors engaging in
Debates so calmly, compassionately, respectfully, and
Proactively as would teammates, who
Have been coached to set defensive emotionality aside while
Focusing their mental strengths upon working together to
Change life on our planet for the better, little by little, here
There, everywhere (Peace core style) until
We’ve worked toward expanding
A circle of love in which the on-going well being of
Every individual is valued so highly as to be naturally
(Rather than begrudgingly) considered by one and all—
Common sense suggests that we need to raise a generation of
Future leaders, whose minds are trained to
Prioritize the integration of universal values into
Daily life rather than blindly giving our values no more than
Lip service until overwhelming problems, which we did not
Consider our own to resolve, eventually, seep into
Our lives (for instance, mass shootings) as
Happens repeatedly throughout history whenever
Greed divides people into haves and have nots, meaning that
Again and again, we fail each other as well as ourselves until
Despair hits us all, and once we are reunited in misery
We come together in hopes of listening and speaking in
Such a bonding manner as to work toward achieving
An inter-related set of realistic, long range goals that
Serve the needs of the majority, rather than only the '0ne %'
If today’s intuitive train of thought (meaning that I feel
As if this post is, somehow, writing itself) seems
Idealistic, let’s remember fifty years back when
A group of highly intelligent individuals, who had
Dedicated their brain trust toward working together while
Shooting for the moon, realized their long range
Goal of landing a spacecraft right on the bullseye, where
A team of courageous, well trained astronauts chose to
Take a humongous leap of faith for
The betterment of humankind—as a whole—and
If we know that the concept of teamwork has already
Achieved astounding feats of training and transporting
Courageous teams of human beings to
Fly through space, land on the moon, followed by
Successfully transporting these brave souls to
Return, safe and sound, back home, where with
Great jubilance, we, who had held our breath until
Their splash down on Planet Earth then
Why doubt the fact that we can succeed in meeting
Today’s challenge of ‘training’ each thirsty
Young brain in your family and mine to
Identify, process and absorb the divisive ways that
Our defense systems insult, demean and disrespect
Each other rather than utilizing our intelligence to
Educate our young to comprehend
Universal need to consciously seek to
Deepen our comprehension concerning
Classic reasons as to why children grow up feeling so
Rebellious against parental authority as to feel
Compelled to unconsciously push loved ones
Away whenever a natural sense of
Heartfelt conflict arises between one generation and
The next, releasing flashes of red hot anger that
Zing back and forth unless our collective need to
Actively brainstorm toward creating a mutually
Respectful emotional environment (by maintaining
A solid connection to logic on both sides) is so
Deeply established in home after home that
The processors of each member in your family and
Mine are no longer so defensively reactive as to be
Reduced to lambasting each other until one person’s
Need to usurp the position of egocentric dominance over
Everyone else seems to ‘win' over the resentful acceptance of
Subservience from the other family members until the on-going
Nature of dueling attitudes is triggered to emerge and resume, yet again
Upon choosing to gain the wisdom necessary to
Train my brain to resolve conflicts with
Loved ones by way of enhancing
My absorption of listening and speaking skills
I came to embrace my need to listen for those times
When my power of intuition is proactively whispering
Insight driven words of wisdom (passed down through
The ages by yesteryear’s sages) into
My ear thus motivating my defensive need to
Protect my personal sense of safety to sit in
A time out chair before anger, grabbing hold of
My processor, reacts rashly or feels so threatened as to
Retreat subserviently from conflict rather than
Mustering the patience and courage to consciously calm
My anxiety’s natural uprising of emotional reactivity in time to
Free my processor to peaceably navigate my way through
Each next bout of argumentative reactiveness, which, from time to
Time, bares its teeth once seething frustration, raging
Back and forth throughout my extended family, is in need of
A captain, whose think tank has been consciously trained to
Maintain such a shipshape manner of listening
Before replying in such a mutually respectful manner as to
Stop tidal waves of emotional reactiveness from rocking
Life boats so furiously as to recklessly capsize everyone’s
Personal sense of safety before the well being of
Each individual has been compassionately considered so as to
Stabilize the family lifeboat as an intelligently reunited
Whole, and in order to supply you with examples of
Conflict resolution that strengthened our family relationships
My stories will illustrate the depths of
My processor’s self motivation to captain the mother ship, which
Transported each of my three sons from their naturally
Rambunctious, contentious high spirited childhood toward
Developing open minded attitudes concerning each one's need to
Embrace the concept of personal responsibility for
Their conscious choice of attitudes, words,
Actions and behaviors, and so—whether you see yourself as
Captaining a row boat, sail boat, motormouth—whoops—I mean
Motor boat or ocean going vessel, every adult has need to
Become a role modeling leader whose heartfelt strengths feel
Fully committed to working as valiantly, compassionately
Patiently and tirelessly as is humanly possible if
We aspire to guide our populous as a whole toward
Participating soulfully in guiding our families to aspire
Toward reaching a shoreline where brainstorming toward
Achieving peaceful conflict resolution ensures
Everyone’s right to voice differing opinions once
The steadying nature of the captain’s gift of insight serves
To shine its spotlight upon each person’s dignified need to
Stand in support of each other's self respectful
Emotional intelligence while leadership works to maintain
A unifying steadfast position at the helm during
Each next stormy emergence of unmet needs, which are
Bound to erupt until, eventually, emotional defensiveness
Bows to leadership's growing sensitivity to consciously
Inspire each person’s personal connection to positively
Focused attitudes of self respect and mutual respect to
Strengthen and preserve an awesome sense of
Familial security as happened when fate passed
The maternal baton of leadership into my hand at which time
I shocked my (subconscious) mantra of ‘Personal safety first’ into
Submission in favor of consciously developing a newfound attitude of
Emotional risk-taking, which inspired my sense of readiness to
Connect ever more naturally with my power of intuitive thought, which
Continues to encourage my smarts to expand the narrow boundaries of
My processor’s scope so as to take courageous leaps of faith away from
My defense system's fearful, self protective smoke screens, which
Had served to fog up my connection to clarity concerning
Emergent realities that proved too painful to consciously
Acknowledge until I experienced sound reason to differentiate between
Decisions that constitute a united state of mutually respectful
Familial closeness, which is directly opposed to my past need to
Participate in relationships, which (rather than providing
One and all with emotional environments that breed
Lasting friendships based in mutual respect) had promoted
Relationships that proved to be deeply enmeshed within
The unhealthy emotional environment where leadership declared
‘You're 100% with me or 100% against me' no room whatsoever for
Any peaceable discussions once negatively focused
Attitudes of mutiny and betrayal had leapt into argumentative
Reactions, which stormily implied: ‘It's my way or
The open highway in the opposite direction for you!'
And not until I grew consciously aware of
Having repressed a serious lack of self worth during
Childhood, which saw me taking on
The subservient role of 'follower', did fate
Offer my processor sound reason to open my eyes to
Need to sweep cobwebs of my persona’s false
Front of pretense out of my sunny viewfinder in
Favor of clearly (and painfully) retraining
My mind’s eye to refocus my suddenly, deeply
Confounded, heavily weighted, downtrodden
Spirit toward acknowledging personal need to
Make sound use of my smarts by working toward
Scaling each next level of my defensive, self protective wall of
Denial in hopes of eventually setting my sights upon
A set of long range goals that proves so profound as to remain
Way beyond our current generation’s grasp though
A wealth of knowledge concerning this subject (of
Knowing oneself in depth ala Socrates) is presently at hand, and
Over these last forty-eight years of my life, nothing
(Inclusive of bouts of mental exhaustion, which led my spirit to
Temporarily experience defeat) has detoured
My impassioned attitude from adhering to this intuitive belief:
Sometime in the future, a blessed day
Will dawn when information concerning
Skillful communications will be taught in
School after school to millions of children, who
Will be coached by their parents’ and teachers’
Positively focused attitudes to aspire to
Absorb heightened levels of emotional maturity thus
Empowering tomorrow’s leadership as well as
The general populous with personal need to
Work together ever more earnestly toward
Achieving the worthy accomplishment of
Placing a high value upon personal growth spurts focusing
Upon the importance of directing each person’s
Current level of emotional intelligence toward
Connecting ever more naturally with intuitive streams of
Insight, which will serve to deepen humankind's
Sense of self awareness (as continues to be true of
My personal quest to painstakingly reassemble
A healthy sense of my need to reconnect
The dots of my life in such a way as to have reassembled
The bigger picture of my life so clearly that
Portions of my self worth, which had been shattered by
Fate before my third birthday, have been identified and
Restored, suggesting why, at this late stage in my life
I freely commit my smarts to spend hours, each day
Penning and sending posts highlighting
My processor's sense of progress concerning
Knowing myself in depth into cyberspace though
The fruit of my labor (concerning inspiring millions of
Adults to muster the courage to ferret out
Subconscious secrets that their defense systems
Repress from the conscious portion of
Their processors) is likely to
Ripen long after I’m gone—suggesting
Why I envision my work as being
One link in the chain made up of those minds, which
Have encouraged mine to follow their lead, just as
I hope to see my intuitive trains of thought serving to
Encourage think tanks younger than my own to
Feel inspired to follow my impassioned adventures through
Each stage of my life until my spirit leaves my body so
As to take wing into the great unknown, which
Must exist, because otherwise why does
Each next generation feel compelled to work so proactively
And productively only to die? I mean, subscribing to
An attitude as gloomy as that just doesn't make sense—right?
As to the primary reason why
My heart remains wholly devoted to
The pursuit of this mission (to consciously peel
Each next layer of my wall of denial away by
Consciously calming strikes of latent anxiety so as to
'Tune in’ ever more naturally to my intuitive powers guiding
My intelligence to remain ever more conscientiously
Abreast of each step that I need to take next if
My adventure through life is to adhere, most often, to
My chosen path, which, being positively focused, sees me
Probing ever more courageously into provoking and thus exposing
Subconscious fears that run so deep within
My psyche as to have blocked my processor from
Clearly and consciously acknowledging
Personal need to identify inner conflicts (repressed during
Childhood concerning my self worth), I now
Challenge my current connection to clarity to
Grow so bold as to envision my processor becoming
Ever more proficient at uncovering fear’s
Foggy-eyed blindness concerning where to
Direct my current level of self awareness to
Openly confront whichever traumatized portions of
My self worth are still in need of insight’s
Emotionally intelligent recalibration, thus brightening
Any darkened attitude that had blocked my mind’s eye from
Highlighting my own narrow mind sets, which
Had blinded me from identifying trains of thought in which
I’d unconsciously put myself or others down for so long that
I’d had no conscious clue of where attitudinal change for
The better would provide my host of
Inner strengths with layers of
Self empowerment, which as this last stage of my life
Moves forward, will bolster my spirit’s natural vibrancy to
Bounce back repeatedly until I exhale my very last breath—Wow!
Today’s intuitive train of thought may have
Revealed the most self empowering string of insights
Necessary to ready my whole self to continue to
Pen this memoir, story by story, unhampered by
Subconscious fears running interference with
My sense of clarity by shooting my processor with
Spikes of latent anxiety that tend to fill
My self confident attitude with so much buckshot that
Like Bambi’s mother, I am felled by episodes of
PTSD, no matter how swiftly my processor runs for cover,
And as I feel that it’s way past time for my
Intelligence to overcom the repetitive nature of
PTSD’s darkly spooky mental pattern
This is one sitting duck who has grown
Ever more determined to stop childhood trauma from
Usurping dominance over my smarts by releasing
Latent anxiety, which shatters my connection to
Clarity before my view finder’s sense of
Today’s reality can stop subconscious
Fear from careening my think tank’s
Strength of spirit ever more deeply into
Yesteryear's black hole (where despite
The fact that I'm currently surrounded by loving
Hearts, which nurture my own) had caused
My psyche to lapse into
Feeling utterly alone and bereft of seeing
Myself worthy of receiving my family’s
Loving companionship unless I remained capable of
Satisfying everyone’s need of my host of inner strengths
So along with today’s natural stream of insights, here comes
My plan to create lasting change for the better inside
My head: As soon as my spirit feels wearied with problems that
Are not mine to solve as had felt true when
A sad twist of fate had struck down
The natural vibrancy of a small child’s spirit after her
Undeveloped processor felt sound reason to
Drift off course away from my next classic stage of
Early childhood development (when
A youngster’s mind is naturally establishing
Independent trains of thought necessary to
Eventually secure an ever-strengthening sense of
Self worth) based in the fact that a double dose of
Tragic deaths in my family, weeks apart, had been followed by
Vein popping fights, sending my mother’s spirit to
Spiral into the depths of a long lasting depression, which
Had petrified my psyche so completely into
Misconstruing her emotional separation from me as being due to
My unworthiness of her time and attention thus stalling
The emotional development of my thought processor from
Transforming into a truly independent thinker undamaged by
Inner conflicts based in subconscious self doubt, which had
Muddying up my adult processor’s connection to clarity concerning
Differentiating my personal needs from my loved ones’ need of
Me until two years after my father’s death when I was in
My sixties, and all hell broke loose (subconsciously within me), which
Proved beyond my conscious comprehension until
I was astutely diagnosed with PTSD, and ever since that revelation
My intuitive intelligence has been questing (with
The guidance of professional help) toward securing
The self assertive portion of my voice, which had
Choked behind an avalanche of boulders made of
Deeply repressed fears, which continued to pile up once
My worthiness of receiving love felt subconsciously
Shattered, beginning at the highly vulnerable age of three
And here comes the insight concerning the depths of
My need to pen this memoir and
Send it into cyberspace for posterity:
Though two deeper truths suggest that—
No one’s psyche escapes childhood
Emotionally unscathed, and though everyone is replaceable—
I plan to live my life with such a conscientious
Abundance of positively focused generosity of
Spirit as to be uneraseable by remaining on
An emotionally well-balanced track rather than
Experiencing sudden gusts of
Emotional storm clouds, which serve to
Stimulate and release unexpected uprisings of PTSD, which
Swirl the unhealed (and thus shattered portion of
My psyche) straight down into that same
black hole of hopeless despair, no matter how often
I’ve managed to work my way out of the eye of that
Hurricane, which had been empowered, time and again, to
Torment each painful shard of my shattered self worth
Until recently when I chose to take
A gargantuan, existential leap of faith, which proved
Necessary if my open minded attitudes are to be
Fully embraced by me concerning the fact that
The needs of vulnerable children, which prove universal in
Nature, must be met by kindhearted souls who also choose
Not to forsake the elderly, who, being graced with
The good fortune of living past our prime, continue to
Grow ever more vulnerable with each additional candle that
Enhances the warm glow of loving tenderness that will hopefully
Adorn each delicious morsel of your
Birthday cake and mine when generous dollops of love are
Digested so naturally as to sweeten every difficulty that
Proves necessary to endure if we are to maintain
The brightness of the human spirit until one second after
Our bodies have left this world for the next as
The eternal flame of love light in our eyes dims without
Completely disappearing as long as the memory of
Our presence on planet earth is highly valued and
Deeply absorbed into the hearts of our loved ones whose
Inner strengths continue to feel fortified by lasting sensations of
True friendship and love, both of which are known to
Embrace a natural sense of forgiveness that cracks through
Self protective shells of bitterness, which erected during
Youth and beyond, have need to be softened as naturally as
Some of us choose to pop an M&M into our mouths
And rather than chewing it up, we consciously savor
The delicious sensation of chocolate sweetness for
As long as possible, just as forgiveness of human
Imperfection melts bitter reactions of vindictiveness that
Otherwise consumes heart space meant for savoring
The sweet taste of loving kindness inside
Your heart and mine, today ... and
Now that you and I have taken this leap from
My sixth grade story to present tense, let’s cruise toward
The development of patience before dancing
Gracefully back across the time line to witness
What’s about to happen once Annie, whose spirit had last been
Seen slumping against the cloakroom wall, has had time to
Catch her breathe so as to recoup enough energy to
Stand up straight while squaring her shoulders to
Walk through a storm with her head held high thus
Insuring that the defense system of
This damsel in distress takes the lead so
That no one can see how painfully her aching heart has
Need to ready itself to secret its limp as she makes her way
Into the classroom where she’ll be sure to
Avert her eyes away from any chance head-on
Collision with Joseph’s steely glare, which Annie's
Twelve year old, deeply confounded processor
Has no clue is serving to shield the depths of
Her former best friend's heartfelt pain, which
As you shall soon see matches the depths of Annie’s
Wholly confused, heartfelt sadness, which
Remains hidden behind Joseph’s strong (yet vulnerable)
Inexperienced young male’s emotional wall of denial ...
Your processor’s consideration directly
Below), will be threaded throughout
Today’s intuitive stream of
Consciousness so as to offer
Your think tank an ever deepening awareness of
The mental complexity that exists within
The subconscious portion of
Every human brain—so let’s straighten
Our thinking caps in readiness to spotlight
The answer to this riddle—
What is to be gained by considering
A detailed account of Annie’s and Joseph’s
Star-crossed story?
(If you are new to my blog, please note
That, having changed everyone’s names, I
Refer to myself as Annie and my husband
As Will) for reasons which will
Become apparent, down the road)
And now, having offered you time to
Straighten your thinking cap—
Here we go—
One glance at this week's stats shows us that
The number of South Koreans who are choosing to
Consider my trains of thought continues to
Increase, offering my processor sound reason to extend
A warm welcome to those of you who feel inspired to
Connect your hopes and dreams for a peaceful future with
Mine concerning world wide need to seek out and
Make sound use of a host of communication skills, which
Being mutually respectful, will serve to expand
Narrow mindsets toward communal need to
Heighten current levels of patience as
Proves necessary if we are to listen ever more
Objectively (less defensively) to opinions based in
Experiences that differ from our own, and every time
One of my trains of thought challenges your processor to
Feel inspired to climb up yet another rung on
The ladder of emotional maturity by setting
Bursts of impatience in time out
You and I may find both of our processors engaging in
Debates so calmly, compassionately, respectfully, and
Proactively as would teammates, who
Have been coached to set defensive emotionality aside while
Focusing their mental strengths upon working together to
Change life on our planet for the better, little by little, here
There, everywhere (Peace core style) until
We’ve worked toward expanding
A circle of love in which the on-going well being of
Every individual is valued so highly as to be naturally
(Rather than begrudgingly) considered by one and all—
Common sense suggests that we need to raise a generation of
Future leaders, whose minds are trained to
Prioritize the integration of universal values into
Daily life rather than blindly giving our values no more than
Lip service until overwhelming problems, which we did not
Consider our own to resolve, eventually, seep into
Our lives (for instance, mass shootings) as
Happens repeatedly throughout history whenever
Greed divides people into haves and have nots, meaning that
Again and again, we fail each other as well as ourselves until
Despair hits us all, and once we are reunited in misery
We come together in hopes of listening and speaking in
Such a bonding manner as to work toward achieving
An inter-related set of realistic, long range goals that
Serve the needs of the majority, rather than only the '0ne %'
If today’s intuitive train of thought (meaning that I feel
As if this post is, somehow, writing itself) seems
Idealistic, let’s remember fifty years back when
A group of highly intelligent individuals, who had
Dedicated their brain trust toward working together while
Shooting for the moon, realized their long range
Goal of landing a spacecraft right on the bullseye, where
A team of courageous, well trained astronauts chose to
Take a humongous leap of faith for
The betterment of humankind—as a whole—and
If we know that the concept of teamwork has already
Achieved astounding feats of training and transporting
Courageous teams of human beings to
Fly through space, land on the moon, followed by
Successfully transporting these brave souls to
Return, safe and sound, back home, where with
Great jubilance, we, who had held our breath until
Their splash down on Planet Earth then
Why doubt the fact that we can succeed in meeting
Today’s challenge of ‘training’ each thirsty
Young brain in your family and mine to
Identify, process and absorb the divisive ways that
Our defense systems insult, demean and disrespect
Each other rather than utilizing our intelligence to
Educate our young to comprehend
Universal need to consciously seek to
Deepen our comprehension concerning
Classic reasons as to why children grow up feeling so
Rebellious against parental authority as to feel
Compelled to unconsciously push loved ones
Away whenever a natural sense of
Heartfelt conflict arises between one generation and
The next, releasing flashes of red hot anger that
Zing back and forth unless our collective need to
Actively brainstorm toward creating a mutually
Respectful emotional environment (by maintaining
A solid connection to logic on both sides) is so
Deeply established in home after home that
The processors of each member in your family and
Mine are no longer so defensively reactive as to be
Reduced to lambasting each other until one person’s
Need to usurp the position of egocentric dominance over
Everyone else seems to ‘win' over the resentful acceptance of
Subservience from the other family members until the on-going
Nature of dueling attitudes is triggered to emerge and resume, yet again
Upon choosing to gain the wisdom necessary to
Train my brain to resolve conflicts with
Loved ones by way of enhancing
My absorption of listening and speaking skills
I came to embrace my need to listen for those times
When my power of intuition is proactively whispering
Insight driven words of wisdom (passed down through
The ages by yesteryear’s sages) into
My ear thus motivating my defensive need to
Protect my personal sense of safety to sit in
A time out chair before anger, grabbing hold of
My processor, reacts rashly or feels so threatened as to
Retreat subserviently from conflict rather than
Mustering the patience and courage to consciously calm
My anxiety’s natural uprising of emotional reactivity in time to
Free my processor to peaceably navigate my way through
Each next bout of argumentative reactiveness, which, from time to
Time, bares its teeth once seething frustration, raging
Back and forth throughout my extended family, is in need of
A captain, whose think tank has been consciously trained to
Maintain such a shipshape manner of listening
Before replying in such a mutually respectful manner as to
Stop tidal waves of emotional reactiveness from rocking
Life boats so furiously as to recklessly capsize everyone’s
Personal sense of safety before the well being of
Each individual has been compassionately considered so as to
Stabilize the family lifeboat as an intelligently reunited
Whole, and in order to supply you with examples of
Conflict resolution that strengthened our family relationships
My stories will illustrate the depths of
My processor’s self motivation to captain the mother ship, which
Transported each of my three sons from their naturally
Rambunctious, contentious high spirited childhood toward
Developing open minded attitudes concerning each one's need to
Embrace the concept of personal responsibility for
Their conscious choice of attitudes, words,
Actions and behaviors, and so—whether you see yourself as
Captaining a row boat, sail boat, motormouth—whoops—I mean
Motor boat or ocean going vessel, every adult has need to
Become a role modeling leader whose heartfelt strengths feel
Fully committed to working as valiantly, compassionately
Patiently and tirelessly as is humanly possible if
We aspire to guide our populous as a whole toward
Participating soulfully in guiding our families to aspire
Toward reaching a shoreline where brainstorming toward
Achieving peaceful conflict resolution ensures
Everyone’s right to voice differing opinions once
The steadying nature of the captain’s gift of insight serves
To shine its spotlight upon each person’s dignified need to
Stand in support of each other's self respectful
Emotional intelligence while leadership works to maintain
A unifying steadfast position at the helm during
Each next stormy emergence of unmet needs, which are
Bound to erupt until, eventually, emotional defensiveness
Bows to leadership's growing sensitivity to consciously
Inspire each person’s personal connection to positively
Focused attitudes of self respect and mutual respect to
Strengthen and preserve an awesome sense of
Familial security as happened when fate passed
The maternal baton of leadership into my hand at which time
I shocked my (subconscious) mantra of ‘Personal safety first’ into
Submission in favor of consciously developing a newfound attitude of
Emotional risk-taking, which inspired my sense of readiness to
Connect ever more naturally with my power of intuitive thought, which
Continues to encourage my smarts to expand the narrow boundaries of
My processor’s scope so as to take courageous leaps of faith away from
My defense system's fearful, self protective smoke screens, which
Had served to fog up my connection to clarity concerning
Emergent realities that proved too painful to consciously
Acknowledge until I experienced sound reason to differentiate between
Decisions that constitute a united state of mutually respectful
Familial closeness, which is directly opposed to my past need to
Participate in relationships, which (rather than providing
One and all with emotional environments that breed
Lasting friendships based in mutual respect) had promoted
Relationships that proved to be deeply enmeshed within
The unhealthy emotional environment where leadership declared
‘You're 100% with me or 100% against me' no room whatsoever for
Any peaceable discussions once negatively focused
Attitudes of mutiny and betrayal had leapt into argumentative
Reactions, which stormily implied: ‘It's my way or
The open highway in the opposite direction for you!'
And not until I grew consciously aware of
Having repressed a serious lack of self worth during
Childhood, which saw me taking on
The subservient role of 'follower', did fate
Offer my processor sound reason to open my eyes to
Need to sweep cobwebs of my persona’s false
Front of pretense out of my sunny viewfinder in
Favor of clearly (and painfully) retraining
My mind’s eye to refocus my suddenly, deeply
Confounded, heavily weighted, downtrodden
Spirit toward acknowledging personal need to
Make sound use of my smarts by working toward
Scaling each next level of my defensive, self protective wall of
Denial in hopes of eventually setting my sights upon
A set of long range goals that proves so profound as to remain
Way beyond our current generation’s grasp though
A wealth of knowledge concerning this subject (of
Knowing oneself in depth ala Socrates) is presently at hand, and
Over these last forty-eight years of my life, nothing
(Inclusive of bouts of mental exhaustion, which led my spirit to
Temporarily experience defeat) has detoured
My impassioned attitude from adhering to this intuitive belief:
Sometime in the future, a blessed day
Will dawn when information concerning
Skillful communications will be taught in
School after school to millions of children, who
Will be coached by their parents’ and teachers’
Positively focused attitudes to aspire to
Absorb heightened levels of emotional maturity thus
Empowering tomorrow’s leadership as well as
The general populous with personal need to
Work together ever more earnestly toward
Achieving the worthy accomplishment of
Placing a high value upon personal growth spurts focusing
Upon the importance of directing each person’s
Current level of emotional intelligence toward
Connecting ever more naturally with intuitive streams of
Insight, which will serve to deepen humankind's
Sense of self awareness (as continues to be true of
My personal quest to painstakingly reassemble
A healthy sense of my need to reconnect
The dots of my life in such a way as to have reassembled
The bigger picture of my life so clearly that
Portions of my self worth, which had been shattered by
Fate before my third birthday, have been identified and
Restored, suggesting why, at this late stage in my life
I freely commit my smarts to spend hours, each day
Penning and sending posts highlighting
My processor's sense of progress concerning
Knowing myself in depth into cyberspace though
The fruit of my labor (concerning inspiring millions of
Adults to muster the courage to ferret out
Subconscious secrets that their defense systems
Repress from the conscious portion of
Their processors) is likely to
Ripen long after I’m gone—suggesting
Why I envision my work as being
One link in the chain made up of those minds, which
Have encouraged mine to follow their lead, just as
I hope to see my intuitive trains of thought serving to
Encourage think tanks younger than my own to
Feel inspired to follow my impassioned adventures through
Each stage of my life until my spirit leaves my body so
As to take wing into the great unknown, which
Must exist, because otherwise why does
Each next generation feel compelled to work so proactively
And productively only to die? I mean, subscribing to
An attitude as gloomy as that just doesn't make sense—right?
As to the primary reason why
My heart remains wholly devoted to
The pursuit of this mission (to consciously peel
Each next layer of my wall of denial away by
Consciously calming strikes of latent anxiety so as to
'Tune in’ ever more naturally to my intuitive powers guiding
My intelligence to remain ever more conscientiously
Abreast of each step that I need to take next if
My adventure through life is to adhere, most often, to
My chosen path, which, being positively focused, sees me
Probing ever more courageously into provoking and thus exposing
Subconscious fears that run so deep within
My psyche as to have blocked my processor from
Clearly and consciously acknowledging
Personal need to identify inner conflicts (repressed during
Childhood concerning my self worth), I now
Challenge my current connection to clarity to
Grow so bold as to envision my processor becoming
Ever more proficient at uncovering fear’s
Foggy-eyed blindness concerning where to
Direct my current level of self awareness to
Openly confront whichever traumatized portions of
My self worth are still in need of insight’s
Emotionally intelligent recalibration, thus brightening
Any darkened attitude that had blocked my mind’s eye from
Highlighting my own narrow mind sets, which
Had blinded me from identifying trains of thought in which
I’d unconsciously put myself or others down for so long that
I’d had no conscious clue of where attitudinal change for
The better would provide my host of
Inner strengths with layers of
Self empowerment, which as this last stage of my life
Moves forward, will bolster my spirit’s natural vibrancy to
Bounce back repeatedly until I exhale my very last breath—Wow!
Today’s intuitive train of thought may have
Revealed the most self empowering string of insights
Necessary to ready my whole self to continue to
Pen this memoir, story by story, unhampered by
Subconscious fears running interference with
My sense of clarity by shooting my processor with
Spikes of latent anxiety that tend to fill
My self confident attitude with so much buckshot that
Like Bambi’s mother, I am felled by episodes of
PTSD, no matter how swiftly my processor runs for cover,
And as I feel that it’s way past time for my
Intelligence to overcom the repetitive nature of
PTSD’s darkly spooky mental pattern
This is one sitting duck who has grown
Ever more determined to stop childhood trauma from
Usurping dominance over my smarts by releasing
Latent anxiety, which shatters my connection to
Clarity before my view finder’s sense of
Today’s reality can stop subconscious
Fear from careening my think tank’s
Strength of spirit ever more deeply into
Yesteryear's black hole (where despite
The fact that I'm currently surrounded by loving
Hearts, which nurture my own) had caused
My psyche to lapse into
Feeling utterly alone and bereft of seeing
Myself worthy of receiving my family’s
Loving companionship unless I remained capable of
Satisfying everyone’s need of my host of inner strengths
So along with today’s natural stream of insights, here comes
My plan to create lasting change for the better inside
My head: As soon as my spirit feels wearied with problems that
Are not mine to solve as had felt true when
A sad twist of fate had struck down
The natural vibrancy of a small child’s spirit after her
Undeveloped processor felt sound reason to
Drift off course away from my next classic stage of
Early childhood development (when
A youngster’s mind is naturally establishing
Independent trains of thought necessary to
Eventually secure an ever-strengthening sense of
Self worth) based in the fact that a double dose of
Tragic deaths in my family, weeks apart, had been followed by
Vein popping fights, sending my mother’s spirit to
Spiral into the depths of a long lasting depression, which
Had petrified my psyche so completely into
Misconstruing her emotional separation from me as being due to
My unworthiness of her time and attention thus stalling
The emotional development of my thought processor from
Transforming into a truly independent thinker undamaged by
Inner conflicts based in subconscious self doubt, which had
Muddying up my adult processor’s connection to clarity concerning
Differentiating my personal needs from my loved ones’ need of
Me until two years after my father’s death when I was in
My sixties, and all hell broke loose (subconsciously within me), which
Proved beyond my conscious comprehension until
I was astutely diagnosed with PTSD, and ever since that revelation
My intuitive intelligence has been questing (with
The guidance of professional help) toward securing
The self assertive portion of my voice, which had
Choked behind an avalanche of boulders made of
Deeply repressed fears, which continued to pile up once
My worthiness of receiving love felt subconsciously
Shattered, beginning at the highly vulnerable age of three
And here comes the insight concerning the depths of
My need to pen this memoir and
Send it into cyberspace for posterity:
Though two deeper truths suggest that—
No one’s psyche escapes childhood
Emotionally unscathed, and though everyone is replaceable—
I plan to live my life with such a conscientious
Abundance of positively focused generosity of
Spirit as to be uneraseable by remaining on
An emotionally well-balanced track rather than
Experiencing sudden gusts of
Emotional storm clouds, which serve to
Stimulate and release unexpected uprisings of PTSD, which
Swirl the unhealed (and thus shattered portion of
My psyche) straight down into that same
black hole of hopeless despair, no matter how often
I’ve managed to work my way out of the eye of that
Hurricane, which had been empowered, time and again, to
Torment each painful shard of my shattered self worth
Until recently when I chose to take
A gargantuan, existential leap of faith, which proved
Necessary if my open minded attitudes are to be
Fully embraced by me concerning the fact that
The needs of vulnerable children, which prove universal in
Nature, must be met by kindhearted souls who also choose
Not to forsake the elderly, who, being graced with
The good fortune of living past our prime, continue to
Grow ever more vulnerable with each additional candle that
Enhances the warm glow of loving tenderness that will hopefully
Adorn each delicious morsel of your
Birthday cake and mine when generous dollops of love are
Digested so naturally as to sweeten every difficulty that
Proves necessary to endure if we are to maintain
The brightness of the human spirit until one second after
Our bodies have left this world for the next as
The eternal flame of love light in our eyes dims without
Completely disappearing as long as the memory of
Our presence on planet earth is highly valued and
Deeply absorbed into the hearts of our loved ones whose
Inner strengths continue to feel fortified by lasting sensations of
True friendship and love, both of which are known to
Embrace a natural sense of forgiveness that cracks through
Self protective shells of bitterness, which erected during
Youth and beyond, have need to be softened as naturally as
Some of us choose to pop an M&M into our mouths
And rather than chewing it up, we consciously savor
The delicious sensation of chocolate sweetness for
As long as possible, just as forgiveness of human
Imperfection melts bitter reactions of vindictiveness that
Otherwise consumes heart space meant for savoring
The sweet taste of loving kindness inside
Your heart and mine, today ... and
Now that you and I have taken this leap from
My sixth grade story to present tense, let’s cruise toward
The development of patience before dancing
Gracefully back across the time line to witness
What’s about to happen once Annie, whose spirit had last been
Seen slumping against the cloakroom wall, has had time to
Catch her breathe so as to recoup enough energy to
Stand up straight while squaring her shoulders to
Walk through a storm with her head held high thus
Insuring that the defense system of
This damsel in distress takes the lead so
That no one can see how painfully her aching heart has
Need to ready itself to secret its limp as she makes her way
Into the classroom where she’ll be sure to
Avert her eyes away from any chance head-on
Collision with Joseph’s steely glare, which Annie's
Twelve year old, deeply confounded processor
Has no clue is serving to shield the depths of
Her former best friend's heartfelt pain, which
As you shall soon see matches the depths of Annie’s
Wholly confused, heartfelt sadness, which
Remains hidden behind Joseph’s strong (yet vulnerable)
Inexperienced young male’s emotional wall of denial ...
Saturday, November 9, 2019
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT HALLOWEEN HAS COME AND GONE?
This morning, I found this post
Left unpublished in drafts—
I love Halloween!
My home is always decorated weeks
Beforehand, and this year marks
No exception to that festive tradition
Each year, while Will and I enjoy
Trick-or-treating with Ravi and
Steven, (Celina and her mom
Pass out candy at home)
We are always in costume (though
Will declares himself costumed as
A man in his mid-seventies, because
The fact that the youth of the world
Sees us as elderly is hard to believe as true)
So how did one of my favorite holidays
Sneak by my conscious awareness, last week?
My mind was wholly preoccupied on
October 31st, which was the day that
The interventional radiologist
Pierced my lung with a needle, entering
Through the back of my rib cage, in hopes of
Extracting affected tissue in need of
Identification so as to inform us ASAP of
The best course of action to obliterate
The little sucker that’s invaded
The well being of my body’s good health
Once the little bugger has been named
A discussion during tumor conference will
Ensue as to choices concerning my recovery
—Surgery? Chemo? Radiation?—
Or some combination of all three ...
At any rate, in keeping with tradition
My home was festively readied for
Halloween fun several weeks back
It was on Halloween Day, itself, that
My mind was so fully dedicated to
Mustering positively focused
Courage that I lost track of
The holiday while my think tank was
Busily by-passing the reality that
One in ten patients who undergo
This procedure, which I’d faced, had
Experienced a collapsed lung during
The three hours afterward.
As one in ten seemed like a lot, I decided to
Concentrate on the fact that out of
100 people, 90 come through with both
Lungs functioning intact. As to what
I did to keep my mind occupied with
Inner strengths during those
Three hours while lying flat on
My back? No worries. I slept
Straight through all three, awakening
Just before the nurse came to my
Bedside with ‘post op’ instructions to
Take home with me. As to Will and
David—my husband occupied his mind with
A novel, and my youngest son had
His laptop. It was not until I noticed
A nurse in a cat costume that
This dawning hit—the size of
My suppressed emotional reaction to
Inner tension must have swept
All awareness of Halloween
Right out of my mind ...
During hours spent, daily, by myself
I’m either reading a light weight novel or
Writing, because it stands to reason that
When my mind is unoccupied
It drifts toward distress peeking out from
Under the comforter, within which
My intuitive intellect tucks as much of
My suppressed emotional discomfort as
Possible, and each time the truth of
My discomfort begins to seep out, that’s
When my brain calls forth creativity to
Pen a Ted Talk—whoops, I mean
A pep talk so as to insure that
My positive attitude continues to captain
The cheering squad that has begun to
Ring my doorbell, one couple at
A time, thus infusing my spirit’s
Self worth anew with
The awareness of how many
Loved ones are literally wishing me ‘well’
As to waiting for results, thank goodness
My heightened level of patience matches
My well practiced line of self control
Last night, I chose to go out to dinner with
Two couples, dear friends—because
My defense system is not the only one
Suppressing distress for weeks on end
Though on-going fatigue and need for
Solitude have placed me in a position that
Has not missed social stimulation
Will’s spirit is in need of an uplifting
Recharge, and if the truth be told—
A fine time was enjoyed by all
Left unpublished in drafts—
I love Halloween!
My home is always decorated weeks
Beforehand, and this year marks
No exception to that festive tradition
Each year, while Will and I enjoy
Trick-or-treating with Ravi and
Steven, (Celina and her mom
Pass out candy at home)
We are always in costume (though
Will declares himself costumed as
A man in his mid-seventies, because
The fact that the youth of the world
Sees us as elderly is hard to believe as true)
So how did one of my favorite holidays
Sneak by my conscious awareness, last week?
My mind was wholly preoccupied on
October 31st, which was the day that
The interventional radiologist
Pierced my lung with a needle, entering
Through the back of my rib cage, in hopes of
Extracting affected tissue in need of
Identification so as to inform us ASAP of
The best course of action to obliterate
The little sucker that’s invaded
The well being of my body’s good health
Once the little bugger has been named
A discussion during tumor conference will
Ensue as to choices concerning my recovery
—Surgery? Chemo? Radiation?—
Or some combination of all three ...
At any rate, in keeping with tradition
My home was festively readied for
Halloween fun several weeks back
It was on Halloween Day, itself, that
My mind was so fully dedicated to
Mustering positively focused
Courage that I lost track of
The holiday while my think tank was
Busily by-passing the reality that
One in ten patients who undergo
This procedure, which I’d faced, had
Experienced a collapsed lung during
The three hours afterward.
As one in ten seemed like a lot, I decided to
Concentrate on the fact that out of
100 people, 90 come through with both
Lungs functioning intact. As to what
I did to keep my mind occupied with
Inner strengths during those
Three hours while lying flat on
My back? No worries. I slept
Straight through all three, awakening
Just before the nurse came to my
Bedside with ‘post op’ instructions to
Take home with me. As to Will and
David—my husband occupied his mind with
A novel, and my youngest son had
His laptop. It was not until I noticed
A nurse in a cat costume that
This dawning hit—the size of
My suppressed emotional reaction to
Inner tension must have swept
All awareness of Halloween
Right out of my mind ...
During hours spent, daily, by myself
I’m either reading a light weight novel or
Writing, because it stands to reason that
When my mind is unoccupied
It drifts toward distress peeking out from
Under the comforter, within which
My intuitive intellect tucks as much of
My suppressed emotional discomfort as
Possible, and each time the truth of
My discomfort begins to seep out, that’s
When my brain calls forth creativity to
Pen a Ted Talk—whoops, I mean
A pep talk so as to insure that
My positive attitude continues to captain
The cheering squad that has begun to
Ring my doorbell, one couple at
A time, thus infusing my spirit’s
Self worth anew with
The awareness of how many
Loved ones are literally wishing me ‘well’
As to waiting for results, thank goodness
My heightened level of patience matches
My well practiced line of self control
Last night, I chose to go out to dinner with
Two couples, dear friends—because
My defense system is not the only one
Suppressing distress for weeks on end
Though on-going fatigue and need for
Solitude have placed me in a position that
Has not missed social stimulation
Will’s spirit is in need of an uplifting
Recharge, and if the truth be told—
A fine time was enjoyed by all
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