[Opps—upon back tracking, I see that post 427 jumped straight to 429 ... so please excuse my error and consider this two posts for the price of one :-) ]
Though I always want to get on with the story
Guess what interferes?
My life, as it plays out from day to day
If you ask:
What do I mean by life running interference?
I'd say:
When life is grand, I share my joy, openly
When life sucks, I share despair, as well
Why? Because both sides of emotion's spectrum exist
In short, whatever I feel most deeply
Determines that which needs to be 'expressed'
Day by day
And if you ask:
Why don't you reveal details
Of what ever is taking place in your life, today?
I'd say:
I don't want to get so far ahead of my story
That clarity, in terms of you're getting to know me ...
As I've come to know myself ... fogs up
So, though I want to move my story line
Forward—every day—I don't press myself to do so
When my emotion-of-the-moment wields more power
Than my sense of logic which suggests that—
You may grow impatient and lose interest
If my story doesn't hurry along
And if that happens—then—
I'll have to accept that, because
My sense of clarity suggests
That both sides of what I feel the need to say
Have merit for this reason:
I'm not just writing a story for your entertainment or mine
My main purpose in writing this blog
Is to quest toward insight into deep truths
Which inspire me to recognize and express repressed emotion
In a well-balanced and thus logical way ...
More readily TODAY
Than I was able to do, yesterday
And each time a repressed emotion is identified
I come to know myself more deeply than before
Oh—by the way ...
Here's why you'll not 'hear' me 'say'
I never feel defensive:
It's natural to feel defensive
When feeling misjudged by others...
And knowing that people misjudge each other
All too often ...
I've made it my business—literally
To educate myself about many aspects of defensiveness
For this reason:
If the brain is the last frontier
And if my brain makes my decisions
Then it makes sense to adventure into my brain
In hopes of carving new channels of thought
Which will point me toward reaching my potential
In terms of achieving personal goals
Without putting anyone else down
And with that positively focused goal in mind
The teacher-in-me shows you
How I work at carving
New channels of thought into my mind—
Day by day, one step at a time—in this way:
Step one—Open my mind
To welcome knowledge concerning defense mechanisms
Step two—Learn to identify
A wide range of defense mechanisms
Step three—Consciously recognize
My defense mechanisms as they emerge
Step four—Acknowledge the fact that ...
When I fear myself in harm's way
My defense mechanisms are preprogrammed
To spontaneously erupt
Step five—Take time to think and clarify whether whatever I fear
Is actually standing before me or seems to be standing before me
In short, I remind myself to consider (and thus clarify)
Whether a subconscious fear is erupting from the past
Or a real and present danger is staring me in the face
And breathing down my neck, today
Step six—Remember that subconscious fear and reality
Are not necessarily one and the same ...
Step seven—Remember that clarity and reality are one and the same
If asked why I choose to practice steps one through seven
Here is what I'd say:
When I look back, I do not want to realize, regretfully,
That love walked toward me with a trusting smile ...
Offering an olive branch of peace, emotional support and good will ...
But I'd turned away in fear of deja vu ... or
I'd unknowingly pushed love away with displaced anger ... or
I'd blindly smothered love to death with insecurity
On the other hand—I've come to differentiate between
A bramble branch, which sees itself as an olive branch
But sticks me, painfully, whenever I draw close ...
In short:
As I work to identify, recognize and control
My natural defense mechanisms
I can see myself and others with a greater sense of clarity
And as clarity deepens, I gain insight into
Those who have earned my trust
And those who speak with forked tongue
And each time this seven step plan
Imprints more deeply into my mind
Clarity offers me opportunities
To feel more realistic, less defensive, as the future unfolds
So, please know this in terms of what I choose to post:
When I write about re-directing my mind
Something, which pushes my buttons ...
Has turned my defense system, spontaneously, ON ...
And thus will my post reflect my mind working to discern
Whether deja vu is needling me
Or a near and present danger
Is actually disturbing my sense of inner peace
And in order to help me figure out
Which is which
There will be times when I need to review insights
Which are worth repeating for this reason:
RR&R
Repetition is not redundant when the goal is retention
Having clarified why my story tends to move slowly
It's my hope that by tomorrow:
The next part of the story will appear on your screen
However if that's not to be
Please be patient while I'm still working
To re-channel a negative attitude
That popped out of my mind
By detecting an insight into a deeper truth
Which will brighten this dark spot in my mind
And once that dark spot 'sees the light'
Which allows me to redirect a negatively focused thought
Toward a positive channel where inner peace
Waits to ease my mind ... again
My story will move forward, again
And—as that's the truth ... Nuf'said for today
Your friend,
JAnnie
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
426 NO! NO! NOT AGAIN!!! Part 24 (And more of Yoda's riddle ...)
24
PS
Yoda's riddle:
Guess why Yoda has such big ears?
Hint: Think Little Red Riding Hood ...
Pleeease ... won't someone answer Yoda's riddle in the comment box, below?
Come on—humor me and let me know you hear my plea ...
You see, when we don't hear each other, the same problem pops up, ad nauseam!
Ad nauseam is a Latin term used to describe an argument which has been continuing "to [the point of] nausea
Like when you want to punch out
Someone's lights
After asking—ad nauseam
To take out the garbage
Or clean up a room
Or stop dropping the F-bomb
Or turn out the lights
When leaving the house
Or asking for help when exhaustion hits hard
Or whatever else has been said
A trillion times over
But goes undone as though unheard—ad nauseam
But, since these are people you love
You don't punch out their lights
Instead, you come up with a plan
That makes better use of your noodle
Than trying to force issues
By nudging minds, which simply refuse to budge
Until consequences come into play
Which won't let them pretend
Everything is A-OK the way it stands
Know what I mean?
I thought so...
J
PS
Yoda's riddle:
Guess why Yoda has such big ears?
Hint: Think Little Red Riding Hood ...
Pleeease ... won't someone answer Yoda's riddle in the comment box, below?
Come on—humor me and let me know you hear my plea ...
You see, when we don't hear each other, the same problem pops up, ad nauseam!
Ad nauseam is a Latin term used to describe an argument which has been continuing "to [the point of] nausea
Like when you want to punch out
Someone's lights
After asking—ad nauseam
To take out the garbage
Or clean up a room
Or stop dropping the F-bomb
Or turn out the lights
When leaving the house
Or asking for help when exhaustion hits hard
Or whatever else has been said
A trillion times over
But goes undone as though unheard—ad nauseam
But, since these are people you love
You don't punch out their lights
Instead, you come up with a plan
That makes better use of your noodle
Than trying to force issues
By nudging minds, which simply refuse to budge
Until consequences come into play
Which won't let them pretend
Everything is A-OK the way it stands
Know what I mean?
I thought so...
J
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
425 NO! NO! NOT AGAIN!!! Part 23
23
Just to recap—Mom and I had been swinging when our conversation swung toward this:
2002
"Mom think about Grandma Ella. Her defense system was huge.”
2002
"Mom think about Grandma Ella. Her defense system was huge.”
“And how!”
“The size of Grandma’s ego made it impossible for her to admit to any mistakes. If Grandma couldn’t admit to making mistakes, then she couldn’t approach anyone, whom she may have insulted, to say, ‘I’m sorry’, later. Even if Grandma had wanted to make amends, her ego's defensive powers locked humility behind her persona. In fact, I wonder how often Grandma's persona walked out of her bedroom, 'acting' as though nothing had happened and all was well. The persona 'acts' as the ego's cover up when it's too hard to confront reality, openly and thus without pretense.
Actually, Grandma’s persona was like the false front, which protected the vulnerabilities of the Wizard of Oz from being detected by the world at large. Big voice. Lots of bluster indicates less inner strength than we'd think. *So—if a true sense of pride is catalyzed by success—then false pride denies a sense of failure.”
Actually, Grandma’s persona was like the false front, which protected the vulnerabilities of the Wizard of Oz from being detected by the world at large. Big voice. Lots of bluster indicates less inner strength than we'd think. *So—if a true sense of pride is catalyzed by success—then false pride denies a sense of failure.”
As one insight leads to another, my train of thought is still processing through my mind while I muse on my own, again: *If false pride, hides subconscious vulnerabilities from oneself, then the persona must serve as a shield, behind which anxiety lurks when conflicts erupt. At this point, I turn toward my mother and continue aloud:
“You know, Mom, it’s far from easy to reprogram a middle-aged brain."
"Well, why in the world would we want to do that?"
"Because of how often we fail to see those times when our egos are doing the listening, yakking, blaming and squawking.”
"Well, why in the world would we want to do that?"
"Because of how often we fail to see those times when our egos are doing the listening, yakking, blaming and squawking.”
“Annie, wait a minute. You're losing me. I need an example to help me understand what your ego sounds likes when it's listening or talking?”
“Hmmm—okay ... Ah! Here's an example of a really naïve statement that flew out of my ego’s mouth. It was several years ago at a Bat Mitzvah. I was telling Aunt Risa (Brad’s mom) about love lessons Will had needed to learn, when she interrupted with, ‘Annie, I keep hearing about Will’s lessons. Didn’t you have lessons to learn, as well?’ Later, upon reflection, my face flushed with chagrin at how glibly I’d replied: 'I’d already learned my lessons; Will needed to catch up.' Though it's true that I’d embraced countless insights into communicating openly, honestly and compassionately during the years that Will was absorbing information, which had held his interest, my answer signaled an attitude, suggesting that learning lessons, concerning love or life—ends. *Upon reflection later in the day, it dawned on me that by answering off the top of my head, I'd dismissed this vital fact: *We're offered countless opportunities to welcome (or ignore) classic lessons, which present themselves at every stage of life. So there I was, alone in my hotel room, feeling aghast at how forgetful and naïve a well-educated, intelligent brain can be—especially when the egocentric part of that brain belongs to me!”
After listening to that, a warm smile spreads across Mom’s face while I add, ”Aunt Risa received that narrow-minded response from me, because *my first thought’s not always my best thought. Instead of tapping into the expansive part of my mind, which quests for new insights as the future unfolds, my answer came from ‘the communication's instructor’ . On the up side, that awareness ignited this one: *We say: 'think before you speak' in hopes of stopping the ego from upstaging intelligent thought, which needs time to process through our minds. The next time I saw Aunt Risa, it was my choice to muster the humility to muzzle my ego, revisit our conversation, and express my expanded views.
Today, while entertaining thoughts, concerning love or life, I consider this fact: *We're each born with the potential to absorb insights, which deepen self awareness, at every age and stage. In fact, my thoughts about ‘late bloomers’ have changed in this way: I believe we bloom in different ways—each in his own good time. I believe that during our golden years, those with open minds and youthful outlooks continue to grow wiser, sweeter, and more peaceful while others, who've not worked to accept the inevitability of changes—which we'd not choose, freely—grow ever more wizened, grumpy, and rude—or if not rude—then the spirit of a person, who remains at odds with change, may withdraw into itself.”
Today, while entertaining thoughts, concerning love or life, I consider this fact: *We're each born with the potential to absorb insights, which deepen self awareness, at every age and stage. In fact, my thoughts about ‘late bloomers’ have changed in this way: I believe we bloom in different ways—each in his own good time. I believe that during our golden years, those with open minds and youthful outlooks continue to grow wiser, sweeter, and more peaceful while others, who've not worked to accept the inevitability of changes—which we'd not choose, freely—grow ever more wizened, grumpy, and rude—or if not rude—then the spirit of a person, who remains at odds with change, may withdraw into itself.”
“Annie, we’ve lost so much by this age, how can we not?”
At this, I realize that Mom, now in her 90's, must be musing over the loss of my dad as well as her entire generation (except for Aunt Sari and Aunt Risa), so initially, my compassion acknowledges the depth of her grief with a heartfelt, “I know, Mom, I know." Then after we swing, side by side, lost in thought for a bit, I continue with, "Well, call me naïve, again, for suggesting this thought, but, here it comes ... *Though it's true that I've not experienced all that you have—yet—if I'm the one who lives the longest then common sense suggests that I'll need to factor luck, fate, and choice into my decisions, so I can figure out how to accept—the unacceptable. Oherwise, grief will seize control of my mind and shrink my spirit's capacity for joy. I mean, look at it this way, Mom: *Just as teens do not develop physically at exactly the same time, different aspects of emotional growth develop within each of us, at different times, for different reasons, as well. As changes, which we'd not choose, create conflict, resolving conflicts effectively may depend upon opening our minds to guidance. You know—like we go to the doctor when our bodies are out of sorts. So why not ask for guidance when our spirits are at half mast? Remember when you wanted Dad to get help?"
"Well, Annie, some people need that, and some people don't."
"Mom, here's my point—in fact, I've already discussed this with all of my kids: *People who love each other don’t absorb all of the same 'lessons', simultaneously. *When lessons concerning love or life roll in, they don’t present themselves in order like the ABC's. Since we each live through different experiences, here's what I've come to believe: *You learn this and I learn that, and when we choose to listen and learn from each other, we grow wiser—together."
"I think you're saying two heads are better than one."
"Yes—exactly—as long as both heads are on a non-defensive track. I think it’s tragic when awareness deepens after a significant relationship, which had once thrived, can barely survive. *In fact, I wonder how often we treat strangers with more respect than those we love."
"What makes you question that?"
*"Well, during times of conflict, our minds can get too hot to recognize when attitudes, sizzling with disrespect, sling insults, back and forth.... When that happens, too often, somethin's gotta give ..."
"Well, Annie, some people need that, and some people don't."
"Mom, here's my point—in fact, I've already discussed this with all of my kids: *People who love each other don’t absorb all of the same 'lessons', simultaneously. *When lessons concerning love or life roll in, they don’t present themselves in order like the ABC's. Since we each live through different experiences, here's what I've come to believe: *You learn this and I learn that, and when we choose to listen and learn from each other, we grow wiser—together."
"I think you're saying two heads are better than one."
"Yes—exactly—as long as both heads are on a non-defensive track. I think it’s tragic when awareness deepens after a significant relationship, which had once thrived, can barely survive. *In fact, I wonder how often we treat strangers with more respect than those we love."
"What makes you question that?"
*"Well, during times of conflict, our minds can get too hot to recognize when attitudes, sizzling with disrespect, sling insults, back and forth.... When that happens, too often, somethin's gotta give ..."
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
424 YODA'S RIDDLE ...
Sigh ...couldn't Yoda
Offer us a simple answer, at least once?
Noooooo...
Once again, The Voice of Universal Wisdom offers a choice:
Do you choose growing pains
Which offer personal growth toward inner peace?
Do you choose pop up pains
Which pop out and get stuffed back inside like a jack-in-the-box, too tightly wound?
Hmmmmm ... very interesting ...
Wound (as in too tight) and wound (as in injury) are spelled the same!
Door #1: Gain insight into healthy ways to express tightly coiled emotion
And alleviate subconscious suffering by loosening tightly wound wounds ... or ...
Door #2: Blindly bite the hand that feeds you and quick as a wink ...
Stuff misplaced anger back inside and believe yourself too nice to bite anyone—ever ...
Door #1: Identify deeper layers of angst and heal your spirit for real
Door #2: Fool yourself till defensive pain, festering within, pops out and pounces, bitingly, again
As always, the choice is yours
As it is mine
THE FORCE
Is not a miracle worker with a magic wand
THE FORCE
Works to inspire the heart to unload a silo of yesteryear's pain
THE FORCE
Works to enlighten the mind, step by step, day by day
THE FORCE
Works to brighten the wearied spirit, little by little, as the future unfolds
THE FORCE
Offer us a simple answer, at least once?
Noooooo...
Once again, The Voice of Universal Wisdom offers a choice:
Do you choose growing pains
Which offer personal growth toward inner peace?
Do you choose pop up pains
Which pop out and get stuffed back inside like a jack-in-the-box, too tightly wound?
Hmmmmm ... very interesting ...
Wound (as in too tight) and wound (as in injury) are spelled the same!
Door #1: Gain insight into healthy ways to express tightly coiled emotion
And alleviate subconscious suffering by loosening tightly wound wounds ... or ...
Door #2: Blindly bite the hand that feeds you and quick as a wink ...
Stuff misplaced anger back inside and believe yourself too nice to bite anyone—ever ...
Door #1: Identify deeper layers of angst and heal your spirit for real
Door #2: Fool yourself till defensive pain, festering within, pops out and pounces, bitingly, again
As always, the choice is yours
As it is mine
THE FORCE
Is not a miracle worker with a magic wand
THE FORCE
Works to inspire the heart to unload a silo of yesteryear's pain
THE FORCE
Works to enlighten the mind, step by step, day by day
THE FORCE
Works to brighten the wearied spirit, little by little, as the future unfolds
THE FORCE
May be sensed as posts lighten up, suggesting that my angst is doing the same ...
THE FORCE
Within creates a positively focused attitude, and thank goodness for that!
When your little voice whispers into your ear
Are you aware of which voice you pay more heed?
Is it the voice of negative attitude, which riles your angst ... or
The voice of Yoda, suggesting the path where inner peace awaits?
THE FORCE
Within creates a positively focused attitude, and thank goodness for that!
When your little voice whispers into your ear
Are you aware of which voice you pay more heed?
Is it the voice of negative attitude, which riles your angst ... or
The voice of Yoda, suggesting the path where inner peace awaits?
Monday, March 12, 2012
423. MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU
Ha!
Each time insight sparks, my spirit perks up!
So
What thinks thee of insights such as these:
May THE FORCE be with you
May peace be with you
May THE FORCE be within you
May peace be within you
Maybe THE FORCE
Ignites the spirit's quest for depth in self awareness—
*Maybe THE FORCE
Unmasks the pain, which denies inner peace
Maybe those who tap into THE FORCE and heal themselves for real
Inspire others to enjoy quality of life by going toe-to-toe with deeper truths, as well
Hey! Maybe THE FORCE proves to be
The positively focused, hopefully insightful side of our minds!
I mean, think about it ...
Darth Vader lost sight of THE FORCE, and a good guy went wrong ...
Still skeptical?
Let's text Yoda
Each time insight sparks, my spirit perks up!
So
What thinks thee of insights such as these:
May THE FORCE be with you
May peace be with you
May THE FORCE be within you
May peace be within you
Maybe THE FORCE
Ignites the spirit's quest for depth in self awareness—
*Maybe THE FORCE
Unmasks the pain, which denies inner peace
Maybe those who tap into THE FORCE and heal themselves for real
Inspire others to enjoy quality of life by going toe-to-toe with deeper truths, as well
Hey! Maybe THE FORCE proves to be
The positively focused, hopefully insightful side of our minds!
I mean, think about it ...
Darth Vader lost sight of THE FORCE, and a good guy went wrong ...
Maybe THE FORCE is synonymous with INSIGHT-SEEKING PEACE MAKER
Makes sense to me ... How'bout you?
Makes sense to me ... How'bout you?
Still skeptical?
Let's text Yoda
Sunday, March 11, 2012
422 JUST AS EDITING CLARIFIES COMPLEXITY ....
Upon reviewing the last three posts
I spied complexity of thought
In need of clarifying
So that's what I did—
Again and again
Until
I got it
Right
While editing
In hopes of achieving
Simplicity
This thought popped out of my mind:
I spied complexity of thought
In need of clarifying
So that's what I did—
Again and again
Until
I got it
Right
While editing
In hopes of achieving
Simplicity
This thought popped out of my mind:
If it makes sense to simplify complex thoughts
Then it makes sense to clarify repressed emotion for this reason:
Repressed emotion, left in its raw, maze like state
Intensifies pain, which we're feeling—today ...
And when it comes to pain
I'd rather experience
Less than more ...
How'bout you?
Intensifies pain, which we're feeling—today ...
And when it comes to pain
I'd rather experience
Less than more ...
How'bout you?
Saturday, March 10, 2012
421 IF YOU TELL ME TO HURRY ...
If you tell me to get over it
In terms of accepting the depths of my sadness
Then I'll know you 'don't get' the main focus of my blog—yet
Telling me to get over it makes as much sense
As telling a woman in labor to push her child out
Before it's ready to greet the world, fully formed
Though my conscious mind is in labor and longs to know
What emotion I'm pregnant with, right now
That's not the way the subconscious is programmed to work
Rather than offering my conscious mind clarity
My subconscious proves to be a devious, little critter
Who insists on keeping secrets from me
However, as I continue to grow more honest with myself
I can be honest with you
As well
As for now, please believe me when I say
That exposing and expunging subconscious emotion
Which has been locked inside my mind, is quite a struggle
On the other hand ...
When courage, patience
And positive focus entertwine
The struggle is worth the effort
Because with those strengths riding sidekick—
Layered vulnerabilities ride out on waves of readiness in their own good time ...
On the other hand
If I continue to deny the existence of raw pain, deep inside ...
*Pain emerges, dressed in disguises, which DENIAL refuses to comprehend ...
And as I know that hiding pain from myself
Proves to be unhealthy
In the long run ...
I'll continue to describe
The ways in which that mischievous trickster
Plays games of hide and seek with my brain's sense of clarity ...
More often than I'd think ...
Think to know thyself?
Think again, my friends, think again
Our first thought's not always our best thought ...
We don't know what we don't know ...
The little we know (about ourselves!) is not all there is to know ...
Your realistic, yet optimistic
And thus more hopeful
Than sad, friend,
Annie
In terms of accepting the depths of my sadness
Then I'll know you 'don't get' the main focus of my blog—yet
Telling me to get over it makes as much sense
As telling a woman in labor to push her child out
Before it's ready to greet the world, fully formed
Though my conscious mind is in labor and longs to know
What emotion I'm pregnant with, right now
That's not the way the subconscious is programmed to work
Rather than offering my conscious mind clarity
My subconscious proves to be a devious, little critter
Who insists on keeping secrets from me
However, as I continue to grow more honest with myself
I can be honest with you
As well
As for now, please believe me when I say
That exposing and expunging subconscious emotion
Which has been locked inside my mind, is quite a struggle
On the other hand ...
When courage, patience
And positive focus entertwine
The struggle is worth the effort
Because with those strengths riding sidekick—
Layered vulnerabilities ride out on waves of readiness in their own good time ...
On the other hand
If I continue to deny the existence of raw pain, deep inside ...
*Pain emerges, dressed in disguises, which DENIAL refuses to comprehend ...
And as I know that hiding pain from myself
Proves to be unhealthy
In the long run ...
I'll continue to describe
The ways in which that mischievous trickster
Plays games of hide and seek with my brain's sense of clarity ...
More often than I'd think ...
Think to know thyself?
Think again, my friends, think again
Our first thought's not always our best thought ...
We don't know what we don't know ...
The little we know (about ourselves!) is not all there is to know ...
Your realistic, yet optimistic
And thus more hopeful
Than sad, friend,
Annie
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