Ever since my dad’s death
I imagine his face
Filling the expanse of
The clear blue sky above
My mountain (both of which
My Dad’s spirit had loved)
And with my face upturned
Gazing across the azure sky
I see my dad’s heartfelt smile
Beaming straight down at me
Stimulating my spirit to smile
Bright as a sunbeam, right back at his
If only I could delete memories
Of my mom’s sad eyed facial expression
Focusing upon me while asking
Where’s my little Annie?
As had happened after
My dad’s death then
Peace of mind
Would be mine each time
My imagination draws
My mother’s face
Smiling instead of
Frowning wistfully or
Angrily at me throughout
More than the last decade of
Her life at which time
Her persona denied
The painful depths of sadness
She’d carried forward
Within her heart whenever
She and the warmth of her smile
Made a public appearance of
Emotional strength while
Privately, she’d reveal
The lasting reality of
Her grief and guilt
Repeatedly
To me so that
My over-active
Personal trait of empathy
Could not
Differentiate between
Her pain and mine
And like most of us
(Inclusive of me)
Who have no clue when
When our personas emerge
My beloved mother believed that
Her social persona had been
True straight into her core until
Eternal peace was
Her final reward once
She was laid to rest
Next to her adoring husband—
A well matched pair of
Lives well lived
And today
Eight years later
Here we be, you and I
Watching the intuitive portion of
My think tank working to
Conjure up a creative way to
Revitalize the loving smile
On my mother’s face that had
So naturally drawn forth
My own until an invisible shift
In our tender relationship
Saw each of us
Drift blindly toward
The painfully instinctive rift, which
Had stymied both of our minds
During the aftermath of
My dad’s death, twenty years ago—
And so, today—
Knowing full well
How peaceful
My heart, mind and spirit
Long to feel when
Conjuring up
The precious smile of
My beloved mother
Within the conscious
Portion of my mind
My innate power of
Intuitive thought has
Laid out
These puzzle pieces
So that we can see
How the imaginative
Portion of my brain
May partner up with
My intelligence until
Each of these
Puzzle pieces
Slides so naturally
Together that
The conscious portion of
My memory feels enticed to
Create a bridge over
The cavern of
Enmeshed sadness
Within which
my mother and I had
Remained stuck until
Today’s healthy shift
Concerning
An attitudinal change for
The better stirred
My conscious awareness
To bridge
The gap between
The years following
Dad’s death
And all of those that
Had come before, thus
Reconnecting
My processor’s
Heartfelt
Creative capacity to
Revitalize
The loving friendship
Enjoyed so naturally for
Sixty years by
Both Mom and me—
Because, time and again
You and I
Have learned that
Attitude is everything
(And since the same is
True of readiness and
Timing when
Change is the name of the game
We’ll also consider
The most puzzling aspects of
Love and life by adding
The subconscious nature of
Unrealistic expectations into the mix
Aha! With all of this subterfuge
Swirling around within
The submarine of
My subconscious
Is it any wonder why
Peace and quiet
Have not been mine since
The uprising of
My intuitive periscope spied
Unresolved angst churning
(Behind my persona)
Turning my brain into
A mixmaster, switched on to high
On the eighth anniversary of
My mother’s death, suggests that
The intuitive emergence of
Underlying emotional turmoil
Secreted within the depths of
My brain has made
Mincemeat of
My original perception of
Having harbored a sense of
Tepid introspection on
The eighth anniversary of
My precious mother’s death, and
Now—Having shared
These moments of
Insight-driven
Depth perception with you
My intuitive intelligence asks
You to contemplate
The existence of
Mind blowing secrets that
Your defense system
Will continue to hide within
Mental blocks from
The conscious portion of
Your mind until—
One day—
A courageous sense of
Readiness to openly confront
Deeper truth (concerning
Your childhood) emerges
At which time
The truth will set you free of
Undeserved guilt
Carried forth from your
Earliest years of life as
Had been true of me
🙋🏻♀️Annie
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