The beauty of intuitive thought is the fact that while penning a post, my conscious mind feels completely at ease knowing full well that as soon as my power of intuition claims control over my processor, strings of inter-related insights concerning love and life will line up on my screen as naturally as ducklings, following the instinctive guidance of their mother, line up all in a row. And since my intuitive voice has already brought up the subject of ‘love’, let’s be clear that I’m not talking love of baseball. Or ice cream. I’m talking two hearts harmonizing so as to make a beautiful symphony of life—together …
When considering a love connection between two people, it’s been my good fortune, over my lifetime, to have offered and received a variety of heartfelt experiences.
An impassioned, lustful heartfelt love connecting two people, both emotionally, physically, spiritually and soulfully is commonly known as ‘in love’.(not to be confused with ‘in lust’).
An impassioned sense of tender love commonly connects the hearts of parent and child.
A mutual awareness of heartfelt simpatico connects two people as loving friends
As a loving friend is what my heart had longed for throughout all four lonely years preceding my first day in high school, my smile responded ever so naturally and thus openly to the shy yet sweet smile that Debbie had freely offered to me as if ‘friendship at first sight’ had welcomed both of our hearts to connect with the reality that it’s possible to feel emotionally safe with a person we’ve just met.
Though I can’t recall who spoke first, I remember feeling happy that such a friendly person, whose brown eyes had shone with kindness, had chosen the first seat in her row as had been true of my choice in the first seat of the row next to Debbie’s. The row had chosen was right next to the window, because that was the only row which had offered an empty desk at the head of our first period classroom.
Upon reflection concerning my bewildered sense of loneliness throughout junior high, I can see why choosing a place of emotional comfort for myself as close to the teacher as possible had become a habit as the nearness of an adult in charge of a classroom filled with children, several of whom could become unruly within an instance, had offered my beleaguered state of mind a sense of emotional distance from fear of being bullied or, even worse, ‘left out’ in a school where I’d not connected with a child whose offer of friendship could be called heartfelt.
And so friendships based in trust, which I’d craved more than anything, had been missing from my life ever since my family had made our epic move from urban apartment living to ownership of our newly built suburban home, though the change from city to suburb would have been seamless for me had my social standing (and self esteem) not experienced two sound reasons (both beyond my youthful comprehension) to have plummeted from class leader at my old school to social outcast at the highly vulnerable age of eleven when working one’s way into preordained preteen ‘clicks’ demands a self confident mindset to this very day.
If you’re amongst those who’ve read the series of posts entitled First Kiss, published in my blog, several years back, then you may remember that upon transferring to my new school, I’d not felt at all challenged while walking into my new classroom, mid year. In fact, so high had my social self-confidence been that I remember smiling as my new fifth grade teacher pointed to an empty desk after having introduced me to my classmates. And having quickly settled myself in place, I remember glancing round the classroom as though to choose which girl would have eagerly become my new best friend and which boy would have caught my eye …
The fact that within a few months time fate will have dealt me two personally threatening, deeply alarming experiences (neither of which could have been foreseen by this preteen) will have offered sound reason for my self confident self image to have shattered, as though fate had flung a mirror at my face, leaving me covered with sharply poignant shards that had stabbed both my brain and my heart—and that brief (undetailed) synopsis of unexpected trauma experienced in junior high makes it plain to see why, having been banished by ‘the popular kids’ and tormented by bullies, Debbie’s gift of friendship during my very first hour of high school, offered my lonely heart a loving place to feel as safe and sound as had been true on my very first self confident day in kindergarten and beyond until my family’s dream of suburban living had proved to be a series of nightmares for utterly unprepared me, suggestive of the fact that insight continues to guide me to live as mindful of the role self awareness plays if personal growth is a high priority in hopes of gaining a knowledgable perspective of inner strengths, since we cannot know for certain what each next moment will bring …
And as you are about to see why my memory of meeting Debbie, my very first new friend in high school, remains as vividly heartfelt, today, as was true more than sixty years ago when this brand new friendship served as a warm spiritual connection to a social life filled with bewildering changes, yet again …
🙋🏻♀️😊Annie
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