Guess what, dear friend?
I just returned home from meeting with dear friends for a late lunch on the patio adjacent to a well groomed Golf Club. The weather was lovely and dining on breakfast foods while gazing over gently rolling greens was relaxing. However, here’s the insight that lit up inside my mind, which had most assuredly relaxed my sense of cautious inner tension while riding in the car toward our destination: Before I can make my needs known clearly, calmly and non-defensively to anyone else, I need to stop giving (subconscious) mixed messages to MYSELF!
Once that insight brightened a dark spot inside my mind, my spirit flew free of feeling trapped in the past, and in addition to thoroughly enjoying our late lunch/brunch, here’s why I just experienced another huge sigh of relief, suggesting my inner need to release additional tension so as to offer my peace of mind sound reason to fully relax: I’ve just decided to stop bullying myself. You see, no matter how many times I hear—Annie, you can’t ruminate (even subconsciously) over the magnitude of your loved ones’ problems when the main focus of your low level of energy must concentrate on getting well, yourself—my intuitive voice replies—easier said than done, because by this late stage of life, my mind is hard wired to ‘fixate’ upon that very thing.
Aha! says I to my intuitive voice—tis time for me to identify the fact that The Fixer has re-emerged from deep within my brain, and she’s been bullying me to involve my mind in brainstorming toward creative solutions when deeper truth suggests that all I can do is to listen compassionately to whatever may be distressing my friends and family without absorbing the depths of each one’s distress as my own. In short, my over active connection to empathy has, once again, been gnawing at my peace of mind.
Yet again, I have all of the puzzle pieces heaped inside my processor but haven’t yet fit them together in order to see the bigger picture. Once the bigger picture emerges in 3D, I’ll give thanks for having placed my faith in my intuitive powers, which guide me toward seeking strings of insights that empower my mind to express my unmet needs in a mutually respectful voice so as to initiate a discussion that proves non combative. You see, only a control freak would focus upon arguing a point of view with family and friends until a debate frazzles everyone’s brain. As for me, I’ve worked consciously to develop a respectful voice that takes a stance to ensure that my needs and those of my loved ones are not scrambled and then trampled by a person whose personal sense of safety depends upon his or her temper grabbing control over anxious reactions, all around. In short, that kind of leader bullies loved ones into fearing the loud bluster of a thundering voice while flashes of lightening blaze forth from a pair of riveting eyes until everyone who remains actively engaged in this senseless struggle for power bows down to accept the bully’s decrees.
And here comes another insight that makes sense, universally:
All too often, we are unaware of those times when our own subconscious sense of manipulation is so subtle as to bully certain loved ones, just as, all too often, we are unaware of which loved ones are bullying us so subtly as to defensively declare himself/herself innocent and outraged if the voice of an eye witness declares us guilty of abusing the vulnerabilities of a person who has not yet gained insight into his/her need of consciously working toward conflict resolution by way of developing a self respecting, non combative, diplomatic voice.
If you wonder why today’s train of thought concerns power struggles, so did I—until I came to see that my intuitive powers have been guiding my conscious mind to identify the subtlety with which a loved one has been power struggling with me …
👩🏻Annie
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