After being 110% emotionally supportive throughout these first fragile six weeks of my recovery, David is leaving to drive across the desert, today, and as a natural state of separation anxiety grips both of our minds, I understand why intuitive thought fed my need to write yesterday’s insight-driven post.
As during David’s drive home the temp will climb beyond 100 degrees
I question whether my precious son has thought to take enough water?
As he’s driving my car to the coast, does David know where to swipe open
The secret compartment which stores the plug to recharge his iPhone?
In case of a breakdown, does he have a hat handy, and why have I been
Up since 6am considering David’s safety as I would my own?
Because my inability to separate my personal safety from that of
My loved ones has grown too deeply ingrained within my mind to
Change for the better at this late stage of my life, and therefore
The best I can do to stop tormenting myself with ‘the unknown’ is to
Consciously acknowledge and accept the primary reason why
I’ve been a control freak since my baby sister’s unexpected death when
I was three, and basic survival instincts reigned supreme ...
Having come to know myself as well as I do, today
My current state of mental unrest is highly likely to
Remain stuck in the distant past, causing me
To feel unable to inhale and exhale freely until
David calls to say—I’ve arrived, safe and sound ...
PS
When David knocked on our bedroom door to
Kiss his beloved parents ‘so long’
We exchanged loving words before
I asked: Do you have water? A hat?
Is your phone plugged in?
Yes. Yes. Yes. Smile. Smile.
And much to my surprise, once
Our responsible, adult son backed out of
Our garage, I exhaled with a sigh of relief as
Separation anxiety began to relax its hold onto
My healthy heart, freeing today’s
Healthy train of insight-driven, intuitive thought to
Expand my healthy lungs to absorb oxygen more
Naturally, based in the fact that
My open-minded participation in
EMDR therapy has offered me sound reason to
Identify the emergence of my personal foibles with
The intuitive clarity necessary to
Stop flogging myself for no good reason
And having landed upon this up note only
Minutes after David’s timely departure
I’ll end today’s post—which has gifted me with
A string of insights spotlighting
Change for the better, after all, with
A hearty rebalanced—hooray!
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