Throughout this past week, my processor’s not felt clear enough to
Advance readily toward First Kiss Part 6 Why not?
I believe the culprit responsible for my mental fogginess
Goes by the name of Denial, offering me reason to
Wonder which subconscious file(s) of unfinished business has
Flown open inside my brain, and with that probability in mind
It’s wait-and-see-time for me, because several theories are still in
The process of percolating, and adding to my mental congestion
The teacher in me continues to heed an intuitive need to
Work, daily, toward clarifying complex trains of thought embedded
Within First Kiss Part 5, so—holy smokes! Wait a sec!—Suddenly
I'm feeling as if my foggy sense of mental fatigue may be in
The process of lifting as the spotlight of insight illuminates
The sad fact that my budding enjoyment of womanhood was
Nipped before an innocent child had ever had
A conscious chance to begin to comprehend (much less enjoy)
The treasure chest of natural pleasures stolen by
A pedophile years before the promise of my femininity could have
Developed the healthy readiness to experience a radiant release of
Physical passion at the appropriate stage in my life when
Along with my peers, my attraction to the opposite sex would have
Bloomed wholesomely (rather than defensively), and now, having spent
The past week laboring, unknowingly, to give birth to
The insight above, which just slipped out of a secret hiding place inside
My mind, I can openly embrace yet another deeper truth concerning
This latent sense of sadness, which has been repressed from
Conscious awareness throughout every stage of my life until today, and
Having gained another slice of knowledge empowering reflection to
Draw forth a more accurate self-portraiture of the truth seeker whom
A confounded little girl was destined to become, ‘tis time to
Clear my head of intuitive wanderings, which guide
My intelligence toward identifying and releasing repressed feelings of
Grief concerning youthful pleasures pirated away at least for
The remainder of today, because the highly personal nature of
This most recent I nsight has awakened a portion of the trauma that
I'd not had a conscious clue of concealing from myself until
Feelings of loss began to seep through my wall of denial mere
Moments ago, and now that this awareness of latent sadness is
Clearly unmasked, I plan to call upon my line of emotional control to
Switch tracks away from feeling downcast toward lifting my spirit as
Gracefully as possible, because family from the Midwest will be ringing
My doorbell within the hour, and as I aim to embrace each one with
The heartfelt warmth of a natural smile, I’ll need to make sound use of
My noggin, over these next sixty minutes, so as to redirect
My focus away from sorrow toward joyful memories of
Times gone by that clearly arouse wholesome feelings of
Self worth denied to my mental state of foggy fatigue over these past
Few deeply introspective days—Whew!
Fortunately, my processor’s sensitive connection to intuitive trains of thought
Saves my existential authenticity from feeling need to
‘Fake it' whenever common sense suggests placing the transparency of
My personal vulnerabilities in time out so as to offer my loved ones
The host of my heart’s inner strengths until I can venture ever more
Introspectively into the inner sanctum of my subconscious, again ...
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