Tuesday, March 19, 2019

MY EXISTENTIAL AUTHENTICITY HAS PASSED THE POINT OF FAKING IT

Rather than detailing where my head has spent these past several days
I’ll simply copy and paste the end of my last train of thought—
Fortunately,, my processor’s sensitive connection to intuitive trains of thought
Saves my existential authenticity from feeling need to ‘Fake it' whenever
Common sense suggests placing the transparency of
My personal vulnerabilities in time out so as to offer my loved ones
The host of my heart’s inner strengths until I can venture ever more
Introspectively into the inner sanctum of my subconscious, again ...

And now, having reminded you of my plan to refocus
My mind so as to ‘venture ever more introspectively into
The inner sanctum of my subconscious in hopes of  plucking
Out an insight that will relieve my heart of repressed grief’—
Seeping out in spurts suggesting my holding tank must be
Filled to overflowing and thus in need of circumventing
Bursting. So as to flood my spirit with repressed angst
Hopefully you can understand why my storyteller has been
Standing patiently in the wings, awaiting an intuitive cue to
Lift the curtain and reveal Annie’s and Joseph’s
FIRST KISS Part 6 on center stage

Now that my spirit’s need to vent yesteryear’s undertow of
Sadness has begun to surfaced as though demanding
My conscious awareness to grow ever more attentive to
Emotional turmoil seeping through the cracks of
My brain's innermost sanctum, I feel hopeful that this
Unexpected leakage of latent grief is being naturally spent
Suggesting that by freeing my whole self to relax into
This process that’s long overdue, the cloudy nature of
Repressed angst, which has recently been foggying my mind
Will not take years to fully resolve—I mean, at this late stage of
Life, how many years, unclouded by unprocessed angst, are
Mine to fully enjoy in good health?  And with the complex
Nature of that train of thought in mind, I'll place my faith in
This belief:  My need to consciously ascend to each next
Level of emotional maturation is, once again, underway, and
As heartfelt gain is universally known to follow growing pains
I’ve decided to call forth an intuitive sense of patience so as to
Free my inner mind to focus upon subconscious readiness to
Spotlight an insight that will remain beyond
My conscious awareness until readiness to gain access into
A secret annex behind my wall of denial where anothet
Deeper truth, too complex for a child’s processor to
Fathom, lies dormant awaiting my current level of
Emotional intelligence to embrace the courage necessary to
Absorb an insight-driven intuitive train of thought, which upon
Full disclosure will simplify the emotional complexity of
Yesteryear’s conundrum experienced by a girl and a boy who’d
Cared more deeply for each other than words could express, and
Once this insight-laden train of thought signals readiness to
Slide forth from my processor, fully baked at long last
My storyteller will feel naturally stimulated to lift the curtain and
Release Part six of FIRST KISS, based in this belief:  My brain’s
Intuitive (innate) potential to heal itself of childhood trauma
Continues to coax each next uprising of latent angst to emerge based in
The fact that my adult intelligence grows ever more aware of childhood
Eexperiences that had injured my sense of self worth, based upon
My misinterpretation of defensive reactions imparted in my direction by
Loved ones, who’d loved me as deeply as I’d loved them, and as
I’ve come to believe that our mutually reactive defensiveness has
Remained repressed in an unprocessed state my reconnection to
Clear headedness feels consciously in need of repair, and so
We come to see why the intuitive nature of my intelligence readies
The introspective side of my spirit to dive ever more deeply into
My past until sound reason to surface with insights, sparking bursts of
Positively focused mental energy, injects my self image with
A newly restored sense of wholeness, and once my current sense of
Self feels securely restored, my processor offers my storyteller
A sense of ‘all clear ahead’ as a cue to pen the next insight driven
Portion of the story at hand, thus gifting each of us with
An intuitive account of the purity of prepubescent innocence, which had
So sadly been damaged within my psyche before Joseph’s unexpected
Hormone-driven emotional reaction to my budding femininity served to
Burst through his half-baked connection to self control ...

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