TOO LITTLE MENTAL ENERGY RECOUPED TO PEN ANYTHING OF SIGNIFICANCE

Awoke, this morning, brain still
Tired to the bone, signaling need of
More time to recover energy expended
While deflecting four days worth of
Deeply penetrating over-stimulation, so
After slipping an insight-driven riddle
(Concerning the importance of details) into
Yesterday’s post, my power of intuition
Stuck a ‘Gone Fishing’ sign on my forehead
Cueing the intelligent portion of my brain to
Close up shop as of right now—Ohhmmm ...

FROM TORRID HEAT TO OCEAN BREEZES AND BACK TO EGGS SIZZLING ON SIDEWALKS IN A FLASH

Over these past four days, I’ve been frolicking with Tony and Ray on the West coast where our family gathered in celebration of Ray’s seventh birthday, leaving little time to pen anything more than insights, which, having flashed through my mind at the airport, last night, served to enhance the post published on Thursday, July 26th.  And as our return flight was delayed, we arrived home, bone tired, at midnight, suggesting why, upon awakening this morning (after doing my best to keep up with our fully-charged grandsons), all I see myself doing, today, is unpacking followed by relaxing ...

Our seven-year old birthday boy stands hatless with his buds while

Eight year old brother, Tony, in white socks, ‘hatches’ from an egg

(Can you find a significant detail, which, if missed, may lead

Your imaginative mind to misjudge some aspect of Ray’s physiology?)

 Looks like Ray retrieved his hat

By Sunday evening, we had just enough energy left to tickle each other's smiles

WITHIN THE INNER SANCTUM OF EVERY HUMAN BRAIN DWELLS A DRAGON-SLAYING SWORD

So why do I write so much about the human quest for inner peace ( referencing the kind hearted person I consciously groom myself to become) as well as about peace of mind (referencing my personal reaction to life’s unpredictable hardships, most especially when certain hardships, which must be borne, prove to be indiscriminately unfair)?

Well, the truth of the matter is that everyone I know is looking for peace or blaming other people for its absence or unconsciously lugging around anxious sensations of undeserved guilt, repressed so deeply during childhood that we remain unaware of how often intuition whispers of our need to consciously release (re-live) the same depth of terror that had been experienced during childhood until we have worked to replace every trace of our defense system’s false mask of I-don’t-care with an ever deepening attitude of emotionally matured self confidence that naturally empowers our intelligence to place our defense systems in time out so as to open the door to the inner sanctum of our brains where ghostlike details of childhood’s scariest memories, sequestered from conscious awareness, are released, because once these details have lost their power to haunt our minds, we’ve mastered the courage to dismantle our own walls of denial, behind which lurk a line up of personal demons, each of which had taken terrified the inexperienced minds of the children we once were into submission to tyranny, and the subconsciously repressed existence of that self destructive state of mind will attack your present sense of self-reliant personal safety (and mine) whenever any portion of a new situation feels even remotely similar to the original experience so as to stimulate latent anxiety, born of unresolved (undeserved) guilt, to arise, anew, repeatedly, until your intelligence has had sound reason to experience a series of emotional growth spurts, each of which strengthens your mental awareness and mine of personal need to deepen the on-going development of an attitude of self-empowerment necessary to conquer the re-emergence of every fiery dragon that represents a subconscious fear (perhaps of a personal imperfection) in need of being identified and disempowered as our personal quest to restore a lost sense of peace continues to courageously slay the fiery nature of each self-conceived misperception from burning the intelligent portion of our brains to a crisp—repeatedly—and once your intuitive quest to embrace a positively focused, peaceful existence gets consciously underway, that’s when your path will be strewn with strings of interrelated insights flashing intuitively through your mind, spotlighting deeper truths so powerful as to shrink each of your personally exaggerated imperfections down in size, offering your ego’s self-defeating misperceptions, which distort your view of reality, the clarity necessary to have fearlessly stared down that whole gaggle of energy sucking, fire breathing dragons until your newly stoked, realistic version of yourself as a whole rises up with scythe in hand to sweep across the expanse of your negatively focused exaggerations of personal flaws, freeing your intuitive intelligence to more deeply absorb the importance of seeking insight into universal truths, which prove naturally empowered to win debates that are bound to arise each time your dark side’s anxiously imaginative, defensively exaggerated, personal misperception of not measuring up to self-imposed standards of impossible perfection (which, left to their own devices, do nothing more than stimulate inner conflicts to escalate inner tension) to slip out, and hopefully, with today’s summary of insights stimulating your intelligence to awaken and smell the coffee before need for self-liberation brews so long as to taste too bitter to enjoy, you, too, may become aware of how often your closed minded attitude stands guard before the door of your think tank’s inner sanctum Behind which your intuitive need to embrace attitudinal changes for the better awaits readiness to release strings of interrelated insights that will free the conscious portion of your mind to absorb deeper truths empowered to relax your tightly wired layers of intelligence, little by little, until your deeply inflamed sense of latent anxiety is disempowered from encircling a heartfelt desire, which will continue to feel entrapped within the dense smoky fog of hell’s eternal damnation until your think tank’s conscious absorption of insight-driven intuitive trains of thought offer self-defeating spikes of undeserved guilt reason to calm down and grow ever less conflicted, more open minded as you come to grant yourself absolution from deeply repressed guilt, over time.  And having worked to assemble words in such a manner as to summarize my thought processor’s need to focus upon the existential absorption of insight-driven intuitive trains of thoughts in hopes of inspiring my innate intelligence to digest bite-sized morsels of wisdom, here’s why I’m not about to ask you to send money to support a TV ministry that promises to save your soul from burning in the fires of eternal self condemnation:

If there’s one insight that my intelligence has clearly absorbed, through and through, it is this—The only soul that I can work to save from re-experiencing undeserved, guilt-ridden pain is my own, and as the same is true for each of you, I propose that we create a grassroots movement led by those who choose to dedicate their lives to educating children throughout the world to develop the insight to grow toward becoming ever more self aware of everyone’s intuitive voice heeding every unique individual of his/her personal need to muster the patience necessary to gain the clarity to be true to their heartfelt unmet needs rather than blindly (defensively, fearfully) herding blindly together or, even worse, becoming so offensively self absorbed as to free the ego to impatiently grab at whatever is coveted, right now ... and though my active mind could go on and on, intuitive thought has just flashed this insight through my conscious awareness so as to brighten (and lighten) the serious nature of my current state of mind:  I’ve already over-stated today’s main point concerning the fact that achieving success as we quest, step by step, toward deepening inner peace and peace of mind depends upon growing ever more deeply aware of need to slay personal dragons secreted within the dark side of our minds, one at a time, and speaking personally, that last insight for today brings us full circle in terms of my hope to have tantalized your inquisitive nature to tune into and seriously consider the most recent morsel of knowledge that I’d felt startled to acknowledge concerning another personal demon that my defense system had sequestered from the conscious portion of my brain behind my wall of denial until my natural sense of readiness, which serves as my dragon-slaying sword, emerged encased within an armored suit of courage, during my most recent session of EMDR therapy—Hhhmmm

PS

If you're a Star Wars fan then your dragon-slaying sword may be
Seen as a light saber, igniting your soulful intelligence to
Feel so bold as to conjure up simple insight-driven
Plans of action that, with patience intact, will serve to
Defeat the dark side of human nature from weighing so
Heavy on your strength of spirit as to weaken your
Courageous nature from freely achieving and thoroughly
Enjoying heartfelt desires that are realistically within reach

Ohhmmm

2018—OUCH!

Just a note to say that insights were added to the previous post
And as a toothache sees me on my way to the dentist that’s all for today
Except for this—
Yesterday, during a humbling session of EMDR, my intuitive powers
Directing my defense system to step aside, opened the door to
The inner sanctum of my brain as though to welcome
The most courageous portion of my conscious awareness to
Roam ever more deeply into my dark side where scary secrets that
I keep from myself remain hidden until my luminous sixth sense of
Readiness turns on the flashlight of insight, which in this case
Spotlighted a more detailed account of the primary reason why
‘A tranquil creature I am not’—at least, not yet
O   Hmmm ...

2018—RELISHING THE FLEETING NATURE OF TRANQUILITY

Though the scenario (seen directly below) concerning my active mind was posted sometime in the past, intuition deems it worth replicating, right about now, so here goes—

If, after blindfolding me, plugging my ears and taping my mouth, someone tied my hands behind my back and my ankles together before picking me up, placing me on the floor in the darkest corner of a tiny, sound proof, empty closet and left me there, all alone, behind a firmly locked door for two weeks before the person returned to unlock the door, turn on the light and remove the tape covering my lips, the first words out of my mouth would be:  I’ll be done in a jiffy.

In short, imagination conjured up that scene with
Tongue in cheek as if to illustrate why I’ve chosen to concur with
Will’s perceptive assessment concerning the FLEETING (rather than
Frequent) nature of my tranquil state of mind, and as today’s post
Reflects the re-emergence of my sense of humor, we can see that
My brain’s recent state of exhaustion has re-energized enough to
Clown around about my soulful yearning to view myself as
A tranquil creature when a clear shot of reality, spotlighting
My active mind, suggests otherwise, and the reason
I laughed aloud at Will’s astute assessment of
My mind’s natural state of hyper-vigilance is
Based in two facts concerning human nature:
Common knowledge suggests we laugh at the truth
And each time we consciously sit our egos in time out
Our defense systems relax, freeing the humble side of
Our brains to enjoy a good laugh even when it’s at our own expense ...

PS
 If you ask how I know that my perception concerning
My ability to eat humble pie, good naturedly, is
Clearly grounded in reality, I’d liken the last few posts
Published to a series of snapshots, captured by
The well focused lens of a camera, which offers us
A clear sighted view of specific moments in time just as is
True of the snapshot below, which illustrates a love shared by
Two people that feels so naturally connective to both as to
Relax defensive attitudes in favor of readily brainstorming toward
Resolving conflicts, which are bound to arise between the mind of
A child and the mind of an adult—and if you ask why that situation
Has become the norm when differences arise between Ravi and me
I'd reply:  My three year old grand daughter feels well-respected, because
Our conversations are directed by a role model whose voice is
Well versed in positively focused, kind spirited, solution-seeking
Negotiations, and as children learn by mimicking voice tones (indicative of
Attitudes that employ patience or impatience), Ravi and I have spent
These past three and a half years 'working' toward developing
A mutually blessed spirit of negotiation that enriches both minds with
Deeply tranquil sensations of heartfelt interconnectedness that’s
Empowered to calm outbursts of defensive emotionality before
Negatively focused attitudes have a chance of arising on either side ...
In short, whenever I feel need to say no, my playmate (and disciple)
Feels free to look me squarely in the eye while she, emulating my
Good natured attitude concerning her request, can be heard
Respectfully making good use of her adorable (existential)
Voice, as she parrots my words, which she has absorbed
Countless times, as in:  Gramma, I have a plan ... and upon hearing
Those words flowing naturally from within a three year old think tank
My eyes smile with pleasure while my generosity of spirit feels
Naturally sparked to listen patiently to whatever simple plan
My smart=hearted grand daughter’s active imagination is about
Conjure up, and once she’s had her say and it’s her turn to
Await my reply, we both ‘sense’ that another positively focused
Negotiation toward a win-win result is in the works—Ohhmmm

Below we see a snapshot of the afterglow of a negotiation in which
A child's request for a cookie before dinner bowed cooperatively to
Popcorn’s win  (If you're hoping for an example concerning
 Maintaining a good natured, mutually respectful attitude of
Cooperation while negotiating toward a win-win with small fry, who are
Angry, sad, tired, hungry, disappointed or sick, please tune in
Sometime later; as for now my processor needs to coast into a peaceful rest station

2018—FLEETING MOMENTS OF TRANQUILITY FOCUS ON A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN ON EARTH

This video spotlights a glimpse of two people, whose love for each other runs so deep as to crave a few moments of shared tranquility while generosity of spirit naturally considers the desires of a third loved one, who has remained at home ...

2018—PATIENTLY AWAITING THE TRANSIENT NATURE OF TRANQUILITY

If you'd like to ask:  Why a new post had not been penned yesterday
I’d reply:  The intuitive nature of my last post tunneled so
Deep within the inner sanctum of my mind as to have reconnected
My conscious awareness with reality; however, after reading
What I'd written, I became aware of the fact that
My processor, still wearied from worrying over Will's health for
The past four weeks, had failed to string the complex nature of
Those insights together with clarity intact suggesting why
My power of intuition guided my sense of readiness away from
Rewording that post until my processor, feeling fully recharged, received
Intuition's OK to dive back into the deep end of my mind, today

PS
I just booked a massage so as to relax muscles, which have
Had sound reason to tense up as tightly as has been
True of my gray matter, over these past four weeks—
Ohhmmm ...

2018—RELISHING THE TEMPORARY NATURE OF TRANQUILITY part 4

In answer to yesterday’s riddle, I’ve come to see that
Rather than relishing the serene nature of tranquility
My longing for peace of mind had grown so great during
The weeks of Will’s illness as to have aroused
My defense system, which, over these past several days, had
Deceived me into misperceiving mental exhaustion for
Serenity until yesterday morning when, upon
Awakening as though from a dream state, I sensed
The conscious portion of my brain engaging with
Intuitive thought flashing its spotlight of
Insight around the inner sanctum of my mind until
It lit up and held fast to this reality:  Over these past several days
I’d misled myself into 'seeing' stress-related exhaustion as
Being at one with tranquility, because I could no longer tolerate
The  build up of subconscious impatience with a month’s worth of
Tension that was uncoiling much too slowly, and thus did
Repressed impatience stimulate my defense system to fool
The conscious portion of my exhausted mind into believing that
I’d by-passed the step-by-step process of de-stressing (after Will’s
Kidney stones were surgically removed) until
My thoroughly exhausted source of energy, having had time to
Refuel, re-awakened my conscious awareness from
Its stupor, freeing my intelligence to absorb the fact that
No one leaps from weeks of stress-induced tension toward
Fully relaxed tranquility in one fell swoop—and with
The emergence of that insight concerning deeper truth brightening
Today’s train of thought, my change in attitude, coupling with
Common sense, will encourage my spirit to coast patiently in
A positively focused direction while my conscious state of
Awareness continues to progress, day by day, toward
Regaining its natural sense of clarity concerning my desire to
Wholly (slowly) immerse myself within a pool of
Tension-free tranquility—and hopefully once a serene state of
Personal well-being is mine, memory will open its door and
Graciously invite our minds to glide gracefully into
My distant past at a fully relaxed pace—
Ohhmmm

PS
I just read today’s post aloud to Will, who chuckled while
Expressing his perception of my natural state of mind:
“Annie, the only time your mind is tranquil is
When you’re under anesthesia—“
As Will’s reaction stimulated my processor to
Switch tracks from Ohhmmm to Hmmm in a flash
I found myself LOL!
After which, this insight flashed through my mind:
Tis better by far to mistake an exhausted stupor for tranquility rather
Than mistaking exhaustion for depression, which
Consumes mind and spirit within a subconscious state of
Gloom and doom—And though it's true that Will’s kidney stones
Weighed heavy on my mind, no dark cloud of gloom and doom
Threatened to swallow the strength of my spirit suggesting why
Today’s last insight has just inspired my processor to
Switch tracks from Hmmm to Ohhmmm in record time :)

2018—RELISHING THE TEMPORARY NATURE OF TRANQUILITY part 3

Ha!
After reviewing my last two posts
I laughed at the ease with which
My brain continues to fool my conscious mind into
Believing that which deeper truth knows is untrue ...
However, rather than my clarifying how I came to
See that, once again, one portion of my brain has deceived another
 I wonder if, given the chance to get your intuitive powers up and
Running, your think tank may choose to answer today’s riddle on your own ...

2018—RELISHING THE TEMPORARY NATURE OF TRANQUILITY part 2

So, here’s the thing about my having gained a conscious appreciation of tranquility (defined by yours truly as a state of mental, emotional, spiritual and physical well-being that follows any 'storm' which had served to rock my boat):

As tranquility proves to be a fleeting state of mental relaxation, the intuitive portion of my think tank is guiding me to honor my processor’s current need to remain at rest until some aspect of life, empowered to ruffle my feathers, inspires my intelligence to dive into the deep end of my think tank until the emergence of yet another tension-reducing insight serves to ease my soul’s state of unrest, again.

2018—RELISHING THE TEMPORARY NATURE OF TRANQUILITY

Thankfully, all went well with Will’s Ureteroscopic surgery and stent.
Both kidney stones were removed and thus far, Will’s recovery at home
Proves pain free other than burning that’s expected when voiding until
The stent, protecting the ureter, is removed, next week
Both of us were so exhausted, yesterday, that all we craved was peace and quiet
So, other than ministering to Will’s minimal needs, I spent the day
Relaxing with light reading, because that’s all my mind was up to receiving

Today, a nephew texted this photo to me of
The magnificent tree that had sheltered
My childhood home, sweeping my mind down memory lane:

Below you will see the tree that I’d had planted in front of our present home to honor the tree that I’ve loved since my father moved our family into his dream house, which he (and his impassioned spirit) had built (circa 1953) in a Midwestern suburb on a large corner lot neath the protective presence of the wide berth of green-leaved branches, which rose so high in the sky as to have offered a blue eyed, dark haired ten year old girl an umbrella-like shelter that I believed had shielded our home from any 'storm' that might otherwise have caused our family harm; in fact, having received this photo of ‘my’ tree, today, inspired me to walk outside and circle the perimeter of my desert home so as to enjoy all of the blooming greenery that we planted more than two decades ago as though to commemorate the enjoyment that had been my dad’s whenever he chose to commune with nature, which proved often ... and while mindfully conjoining past with present—just before I approached our back patio where our sapphire tiled spa and royal blue pillowed swing-for-two invite a pair of kindred spirits to sit for a spell so as to relax and contemplate a myriad of blessings while looking out over the sun-kissed desert terrain leading toward the foothills of the mountain range that rises up directly behind our home—I came upon and smiled up at a profusion of little green balls, which are presently in the process of ripening on another tree that I’d planted in honor of my dad’s love of succulent grapefruit—and then, I glanced down at my wrist, upon which is clasped the gold watch that my paternal grandma and grandpa gave to my mom, circa 1941, and feeling well grounded in familial love, I found myself ever so appreciative of the fact that, once again, Will and I have had the good fortune to weather this most recent 'storm' unscathed, which suggests why my present state of mind, being newly relieved of weeks of stress, feels free to relate that he and I, along with our nearest and dearest, will consciously continue to enjoy our renewed connection to peace and quiet for as long as the temporary nature of tranquility lasts ...

Grapefruit tree can be seen on the far right side of the photo, above

“ ... she was struck by the simple truth that sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people.”
—Excerpt From The Lucky One
        By Nicholas Sparks.

🌹🌈🎈

2018—HEAD ON COLLISION Part 4v

Each time intuition guides the conscious portion of my mind to
Pen a new post, I become aware of my innermost thoughts

Each time intuition guides the conscious portion of my mind to review
That which has already been published, I become aware of my need to
Unscramble thoughts that tend to tangle up with
Repressed emotional reactions that prove to be more conflicted than
My defense system wants me to know, and ...

Having reviewed Post 2018—HEAD ON COLLISION Part 4u
I can clearly see that while penning that post, my processor’s connection to
Logic must have slipped into a vat where conflicting emotions
Swirling round and round, created a stream of consciousness exemplifying
The intelligence of the human mind experiencing a state of inner disarray, which
Remains secreted behind a mask of surface reactions that seem calm to
Others when, in fact, our defense systems prove so well programmed as to
Hide a jumble of emotions from one’s own conscious awareness to
The point of fooling oneself into believing that our connection to
Logical thought is intact when hindsight’s exposure of deeper truth determines
That, for the most part, clarity was absent, and as intuition is signaling
My intelligence to make good use of yesterday’s convoluted state of mind to
Exemplify a train of thought that proved too jumbled to remain on
A logic-based track, we can see how hindsight serves to shine
The spotlight of insight upon subterraneous mental unrest swirling deep within
The subconscious portions of our brains where repressed emotion remains
Coiled in readiness to erupt unless a heightened sense of self awareness, having
Gleaned the wisdom to consciously open the windows of its soul, decides to
Call forth creativity so as to productively release small puffs of
Deeply repressed, impassioned emotion by way of writing, or dancing, or
Singing or painting or gardening or engaging in sports or debate or photography or
Musical instrumentation or sexual satisfaction or the creation of
A culinary feast—all of which are naturally empowered to relieve
Repressed angst from remaining trapped within a tightly coiled
State of being, deep inside our minds and bodies, both of which have need to
Streamline emotional complexity through the air in such a refined manner as to
Please the eye, the ear and the very heart of our spirits’ souls just as
Proves true of a musical instrument that is in need of retuning, from
Time to time, and just as penning lyrics to a sonnet or
Sonata offers listeners a musical rendition of
A poet’s current state of mind, my power of intuition suggests
Preserving the complex composition of yesterday’s post just as it is

As to Will, he is undergoing surgery as intuition occupies
My mind with penning this post, which highlights
Hindsight shining its spotlight of insight upon
The fact that repressed stress is empowered to disrupt
My processor’s connection to logic more than
The conscious portion of my mind may be aware, and
With that thought in mind, common sense suggests
It’s time for today’s train of thought to coast into
A rest station—why?
Because the worrisome nature of these past three weeks
Has tired my cognition more than I’ve chosen to believe, and
Once Will awakens in recovery, I’ll need to feel
Fully alert so as to drive him safely home where, after
Settling him comfortably in bed, I’ll drive to
The pharmacy, fill his prescriptions and return home to
Take good care of his every need in hopes of
Easing his recovery, over these next few days, until
He feels completely well. (Seriously, today’s
Invasive procedure, as explained by the urologist, is
Bound to leave Will’s urinary system feeling
Bruised and achy to say nothing of the burning sensation
He’ll endure while voiding, and having clearly stated
My plan of action for the next several days (which proves as
Logical as it is loving), this post serves as an example of
A stream of consciousness, penned by a rebalanced state of
Mind that’s about to conserve its energy for whatever may
Lie in wait, directly ahead, suggesting why
This is wrap for today ...

2018—HEAD ON COLLISION Part 4u

As Will's kidney stone has not yet passed, the urologist
Scheduled him for a ureterosopy laser plus stent to remove
Both stones on Thursday (A laparoscopic tube will
Scope them out, so as to withdraw each one, whole, and
Having keyed you in on the plan that will, hopefully, offer
Will relief, intuition is guiding the conscious portion of
My mind to remain productively occupied, today, by
Turning my thoughts toward spotlighting an attitude that
I consciously choose to adopt whenever
My peaceful state of mind finds it necessary to
Interact with a control freak (and perhaps
The control freak in question, today, happens to be
My retired fixer, who continues to live and breathe inside
My mind —and with that flash of insight shedding light upon
The path of patience that will hopefully be mine to tread until
Tomorrow morning when the urologist’s schedule highlight’s
Will’s name as being his next patient, who having been
Placed in a dream state will be wheeled into
The OR; however, that will not happen till tomorrow, so
For the rest of today, let’s observe my intuitive powers at
Work as I write, creating a train of thought that will
Calm the impatient portion of my mind that wants to
Fix Will’s problem STAT, which of course, I cannot, and
Knowing that my retired fixer cannot fix Will, guess what
My smart heart can work toward fixing, instead—
My impatience as well as my defense system so as to
Insure that zi react with compassion if Will gets
Jumpy, for sound reason, and with that said
Here comes my intuitive train of thought’s plan of
Action: I charge myself with remaining so calmly
Self aware of my desire to take good care of Will as to
Place any defensive or apprehensively self protective
Reaction in time out if I find myself confronted by
A person in pain whose voice proves to be as
Strong willed as I now know is true of my own—
You see, rather than feeling as if Will’s pain is
Attacking me (if his/her voice tones are harsher than
He knows), the intuitive portion of my think tank will
Guides me toward refortifying my calm state of mind so as to
Wholly embrace an expansive attitude of open-minded
Compassion that cordially invites the emotional reactions of
Others to relax in my presence while we each take turns
Expressing our opinions as if we are on the same side whenever
We find ourselves debating a point, thus detouring our
Conversation away from anxiety heightening so as to
Make us feel as if we are disagreeing so argumentatively as to
Dismiss the importance of listening skills that can readily
Separate experiential opinions that make sense from
Irrational imaginings that, if freed to escalate,tend to send
A pair of think tanks spirally toward a wildly
Uncontrolled emotionally unbalanced roller coaster ride, and
As this plan of action is not new to me, I can count on it
Leaping into the center ring at the first hint that that
Roller coaster is beginning to pick up steam inside
My head, and remaining aware of that reality, my ear remains
Open to listening for the pain or anxious reaction of
Another, indefensibly, and by way of attentive observance does
My thought processor’s connection to patience glean wisdom
From experiences that are not my own; in fact, I also
Find myself observing characters who people novels, which
Are so well-written as to stimulate my intuitive powers to
Direct my attention to consider which of my character traits
May prove as vulnerable and in need of change for the better as
Is true of the author’s characters, who, lacking in self awareness
Remain blind to their need to muster the courage necessary to
Set one’s ego aside, freeing an intelligent mind to
Ready itself to eat humble pie before striding toward
Self improvement becomes a possibility (suggesting that
Once your ego and mine stop standing guard at doors behind which
Our defense systems keep secrets repressed from
The conscious portion of our think tanks, that’s when
Your intuitive powers and mine are freed to emerge so as to
Invite our courageous sense of heightened consciousness to
Dive ever more deeply into events, long past, in hopes of
Surfacing with memories so enriched with insight as to
Make better use of hindsight to excavate deeper truths that
Our defense systems has distorted to protect our
Conscious awareness from feeling depths of pain too
Harsh to bear until such time a we have worked to gain and
Maintain such heightened levels of emotional
(Sself-disciplined) maturity as to re-examine
Situations that had felt far beyond our comprehension at
An earlier time when our defense systems had been employed to
Serve as gatekeepers until our intuitive powers sensed
Whether or not each one’s emotional intelligence had
Reached a level of readiness to uncover and consider a secret
Secreted from our conscious awareness, and not until
Both gatekeepers determine that readiness has
Ripened will a flash of insight magically melt away both
Self protective blindfolds, exposing conscious awareness to
A stellar moment of hindsight that spotlights
Deeper truth concerning a personal vulnerability, which
Proves in need of an attitudinal change for the better if
We are to brighten some darkened aspect of
Our personalities that has been shadowed within
A clouded sense of inner conflict for so long as to have
Distorted our spirit’s view of a situation, which can be
Thoroughly enjoyed once a permanent stance of
Mind expansion is yours and mine
You see, just as I enjoy sacred friendships with
Certain characters that people the novels, which
Line my shelves (causing my book collection to continue
To swell with favorites that I feel compelled to keep)
My heart craves the company of any real live person who
For sound reason, has become a treasured friend; in fact
My spirit actually feels spontaneous reason to lift each time
The windows to my soul glance up at my book shelves, and
I ‘find myself’ smiling at all of the kindred spirits who—
Welcoming my presence—seem to offer the humble yet
Courageous side of me a thumbs up that
Cheers me on each time I feel so self confident as to
Fling off the heavy mantle of yet another darkly shadowed
Self defeating inner conflict in favor of embracing
A highly personal sense of readiness to take another
Leap of faith toward absorbing a freedom that had felt
Trapped deep within my mind behind a solid brick wall made of
Self-conceived guilt in need of pulverizing or
Scooping out whole just as is true of
Will’s kidney stone, which, having caused ex nssive pain for
No good reason, has need of help to be expelled
(And once again, we come to see how, eventually
Intuitive thought draws everything that seems to be
Unrelated, together, as will be exemplified when
We consider the brilliance of an accomplished author’s
Strong sense of character development as
Can be seen, for example, within
The novel Little Fires Everywhere:
(My personal commentary concerning this page-turner will
Be italicized; all else will quote the author—and though I have
No clear idea as to where intuition is leading us next, I have
Faith in following with an open-minded attitude, because
Thus far, its batting average has been hard to beat ...

2018—HEAD ON COLLISION Part 4t

Unfortunately, no change in passage of kidney stone, so
Yesterday’s visit with three internists saw them refer Will to —
No surprise—a specialist, and presently
We are in the urologist’s waiting room
And as my think tank does not feel free to pen a new post
My power of intuitive thought has been guiding
My processor to maintain its calm and well balanced state of
Mind by reviewing Post 2018—HEAD ON COLLISION Part 4s
And while considering insights already penned, additional
Insights flashed through my mind, serving to strengthen that
Train of thought, and as Will’s name was just called
That’s a wrap for today ...

2018—HEAD ON COLLISION Part 4s

As Will’s pain was nil all day, yesterday, our hopes of kidney stone having
Passed through ureter into bladder were dashed when
Back pain woke him during the night, releasing frustration that
His defense system must have repressed, because
Upon arising, this morning, my ailing husband phoned
The doctor’s office, asking for a call back to
Suggest what to do, next, and as today marks a week of his
Stoic attitude with pain, Will’s patience has, for sound reason
Worn thin—as for me, I’m feeling too troubled while
Watching Will struggle with pain to redirect my mind toward
Diving for depth in hopes of gaining insight into times past
So rather than sitting idly by, wringing my hands, I’ll occupy
Myself productively by relating what took place during
My weekend with Katie, which, as you may remember, saw our
Plans for private time go south (as was true of my plan with Will to
Enjoy a festive Fourth of July with family, up north); uh—on
Second thought, before I expand upon my experience with Katie
Let's review her reason for choosing to fly in secretly, which
Made sense to me based upon my choice to secret my presence from
Loved ones whose hearts had hurt when I’d phoned to convey
My love and inner conflict concerning the brevity of my weekend stay with
My sons and grandsons on the coast, suggesting my being so close but
Short of time to enjoy the company of extended family, and though
Some understood, the defensive replies of others offered me reason to
Go with—mums the word—when future weekend jaunts to
See my sons were planned, and having clarified that
Katie’s secretiveness and mine were compassionate in nature
Let’s switch tracks so as to offer up a brief account of
All that was unplanned during the ‘peaceful’ weekend that
Katie and I had hoped to enjoy with each other. And then, as if
Serendipity has been guiding the direction of
My posts, all along, I believe today’s train of thought will
Coast into a station where, upon the safe passage of Will’s ston
My  intuitive engine will freely uncouple from the urgency of today’s
Illness and strife so as to switch tracks toward
Reconnecting with the storyline concerning illness and
Strife that was ours to bear for years in the aftermath of
Our head-on collision, which, after a two week hospitalization
Landed me in bed, 24/7, next to Will, during the next six weeks of
Our recovery—circa 1978. (Gosh—look what happens when
Insight-driven intuition is set free to secure each next step of
An open-minded person’s path—Seriously—
Once the trifecta of humility, courage and patience engage with
A calming sense of resilience, it’s highly conceivable that
Everything, which had seemed to fly apart in a flurry of worry, will
One day in the future, fall neatly into a wholly relaxed
Place as though that had been fate’s far-sighted plan, all along!
I mean, if we think back to the very first post penned concerning
Illness, we’d land upon the month of January, 2018, when
I was laid up for several weeks with Will nursing me lovingly, which
Was quite different from my being laid up and in need of
His compassion when we were in our twenties, and our children
Were tots, suggesting that if we calm our minds thus freeing
Intuition to guide our think tanks to dive clearly into the past, eventually
The bigger picture of what has changed for the better, over time, will
Emerge and come full circle as though all on its own ...

2018–FAMILY TIME IN THE COOL PINES IS CUT SHORT—c

Celina and Ravi are still up at the cabin
Escaping the sweltering heat of summer
As today’s farmer's market, up north
Offered face painting, we just
Received this photo of our munchkin—
WOW!

Down here in the valley
Kidney stone still on the move ...

2018–FAMILY TIME IN THE COOL PINES IS CUT SHORT—b

Thankfully, Dr. L is taking such good care of Will as to have instructed her staff to call to relate his cat-scan results before sunset, yesterday. Will has two kidney stones, both of which look small enough to pass without elevating his pain level, which has been tolerable, thus far, and that’s very good, because passing stones, which may take several days and at times requires hospitalization and morphine drips, can be as excruciating as being in labor.

One stone is already part way through the ureter on its way to his bladder.  The other may remain in the kidney, causing no problems for years.  We’ll know more when we see the doctor, after the weekend.  As for now, Will was told to push liquids in hopes of flushing out the stone that's in the process of passing and go to the ER if his pain worsens; so, though he is enduring discomfort enough to require pain medication (which Will is most assuredly Spartan about), you can bet that we’re feeling much relieved to have received a diagnosis that has naught to do with the word—tumor!

Here are three photos, two of which
I’d snapped on The Fourth
The first is of Ravi, sporting a playful smile while
Bathing in bubbles on the deck of our cabin
The second offers you a glimpse of
Our tall stately pines, reaching upward as though eager to
Embrace the beauty of our sun-kissed blue sky
The third is of a homemade float, created by
One of many families that participated in our
Community parade, which I chose to miss so as to
Stay with Will though he'd continued to insist that
He’d be fine until he realized that everyone else was
Already marching down the hill toward the main drag where
All of the holiday festivities were taking place while
My wordless smile, which spoke of freedom to
Decide for myself, strolled into our bedroom offering up
A steaming cup of sweetened, orange flavored tea ...
I mean, after 52 years of marriage, you'd think
Will would have come to accept the fact that
Mary Poppins has developed a mind of her own—right?  Right!

2018–FAMILY TIME IN THE COOL PINES IS CUT SHORT—a

After celebrating The Fourth up north at
Our cabin with Steven’s family, we
Returned to our desert home earlier than
Planned, because, rather than enjoying our
Three day stay in the cool mountain air, Will
Had felt so unwell as to have spent our
Entire getaway in bed—As you may recall
He’s been feeling poorly, off and
On, for the past couple of weeks, so once
We’d packed up and settled in the car
(With Steven at the wheel), I called
The doctor, who, upon returning my call
Suggested we come in for blood tests, and
By the time we arrived at her office
An abdominal ultra sound had been scheduled for
That same afternoon  (I love this young internist who
Practices ‘old time’ medicine in that she really serves
The needs of each patient!  She (Dr. L) is
My doctor.  Will’s physician (Dr. J), who
Practices with mine, is on vacation)
Upon hearing that Will has felt unwell, off and on, for
The past two weeks, my doctor requested
Test results STAT, and we received
Her next call at home before 5pm at which
Time she said the ultrasound was non conclusive—too
Much gas to get a clear picture
At 8:30, this morning, my doctor’s office
Rang again to relate concern about the results of
Will’s blood tests, so he was scheduled for a cat-scan, STAT
And presently, we’re home, awaiting those results ...

2018–INDEPENDENCE DAY

Common knowledge suggests that fury with congressmen who
For decades have turned a blind eye to the needs of their constituents
(Who, in turn, are accountable for which politicians rise to power)
Caused voters to elect a leader (over all) who, day after day, dishonors
The soulful rights of all families so as to refocus my hopes for
Change for the better away from my generation toward
Our youth, soon to own the vote that will march our nation toward
Reconciling with principles that gave birth to our strong spirited belief in
Mankind’s innate right to pursue happiness, prosperity and liberty regardless
Of class, color, religion, or place of origin, and though intuitive thought
Inspired my think tank to pen the first portion of this post (most likely
In keeping with Independence Day) ‘tis’ the conscious portion of
My processor that, once again, has focused my compassion to
Land upon the plight of thousands of children, who, having been
Torn from the security of their loved ones’ embrace, have been
Deprived of all sense of personal safety, which has been
Callously ripped to shreds by the decree of a maniacal egotist, who
Being surrounded by a majority of spineless congressmen, has been
Turned loose to personify Ming The Merciless who tunes out
Every desperate entreaty of all who feel need to plead for
Change for the better ASAP unless his decrees prove so despicably cruel as
To stir the populous across the nation to arise with such an uproar as to
Condemn all heartless souls who care not for human suffering other than
Their own, and now, having released my mind of frustration that
Will continue to build up until justice is served throughout our nation as
A whole, it’s my fervent hope that this Fourth of July celebration of
Independence Day will offer deep thinkers sound reason to
Brainstorm with others concerning how best to improve upon
The sad state of our nation’s leadership as a whole, and while
Brainstorming how best to secure our borders from those who
Enter illegally, clarity must keep this deeper truth in
The forefront of our minds:  Most illegal immigrants are simply
Poverty-stricken parents, whose thoughts are focused ‘soully’upon
Bettering the innocent lives of their children as is true of
Those parents, who, though legal citizens, prove to be
Poverty-stricken, as well ... suggesting that the youth of
Our great nation (soon to vote) has countless reasons to elect
Congressmen who can master the courage and compassion to
Create laws that will consider the needs of the destitute in such
A soulful manner as to detour The USA from toppling off of its
World power pedestal before time marches on toward attracting
Tourists from foreign shores to view our ruins as proves true in Rome
And now, having dived deep into my think tank in hopes of
Igniting my spirit to release pent up frustration in a
Productive manner, my intuitive powers are guiding
My processor to come up for air in time to enjoy
The Fourth of July with my family, all of whom are
Decked out in red, white and blue in honor of the freedoms that
None must take for granted, though most of us who have
Been blessed to have been born here—do ...

2018—HEAD ON COLLISION Part 4r

Andrew Wyeth said:
I paint my life.
Why?
Because that's what the artist feels driven to do, every day.
I say:
I pen my life—past and present
Why?
Because that’s what the communications instructor feels driven to do, every day
Why?
Because I believe it's vital to know where I've been so that with
Hindsight I’ll gain insight into how I’ve come to be where
I am, today, and since creating Change for the Better is
The name of my game, I hope to draw a clear picture depicting
How often intuition has guided my innermost thoughts toward
Mustering the courage to take leaps of faith, bolstered by
Positive attitudes, most especially when I’ve been given
Sound reason to ponder upon need to heighten my awareness of
Personal vulnerabilities in need of self improvement, and as
My friend Katie quests toward self improvement, as well
She and I have come to respect each other’s opinions while
Discussing any number of topics—take last weekend for example:
I had sound reason to respect how conscientiously Katie worked at
Shedding remnants of self imposed guilt which emerged when
She flew in to see me on the QT, because I, too, have
Experienced spikes of anxiety for that very same reason—

(BTW—any mistakes made during the editing process will be
Cleaned up after we celebrate Independence Day in the USA )

With lots of family (immediate and extended) as well as
Treasured friends living in close proximity to
Each other on the west coast, those I love number
Too many to visit if my stay lasts less than a week, and
While deciding who to call or not (so as to enjoy
Most of my time with my sons), my heart yearns to
Hug those who are so near and yet so far whenever
Time constraints prevent me from enjoying the intimacy of
One-on-one time with everyone—so though my love for
Many runs deep, my love for a few runs deeper yet—how deep?
Too deep to measure except to say that my pattern of loving
Runs every bit as deep as my processor tends to think, and
Past experience has offered me insight as to whose
Hearts will hurt if they hear (through the grapevine) that
I was in town but could not enjoy their company, so
In hopes of saving loved ones from feeling
Rejected, I choose to call only those whom I can see during
A brief stay, which cannot accommodate visits with one and all
And that decision, based in hindsight offers me the foresight to
Free my heart and mind to enjoy a relaxing get together with
A few without spreading myself so thin as to spend
My entire weekend calming down uprisings of
Anxiety while running from one loved one to another—in short
Over the years, hindsight has offered me insight into personal
Need to calm my mind so as to feel peaceful while
Satisfying my need to wholly enjoy intimate time with
Certain loved ones, knowing that during a lengthier stay
I'll be sure to include those who had been missed this time round, so
If I choose not to share my plans with everyone I love all of the
Time, my intention is to take care not to stir up defensive reactions—
Suggesting why I understand and fully respect
Katie's decision to secret the rarity of our personal trysts

While Katie was with me, our weekend, together, served up
A mixture of peaceful pleasures and unplanned strife offering
Me sound reason to see why my definition of extended family has
Expanded to include treasured friends of both genders and all
Ages with whom I do not share DNA, because the heartfelt
Presence of certain people is coveted when celebrating
Good times just as the soothing nature of their desire to be of
Help eases my way through trying times, suggesting why
Enjoying personal time with certain treasured individuals feels as
Necessary to my spirit’s well being as enjoying 'family time' with
Specific relatives who have grown to respect the uniqueness of
My personal needs just as I have grown to respect
The uniqueness of theirs—suggesting that all people's needs are not
Alike—which is why I expand upon The Golden Rule in this way:
I do not always do un to others that which I would have others do
Un to me based in this classic reality:  If each of us is unique from
All others then common sense indicates that we do not share all of
The same needs, and if I limit my activities to serving the needs of
Others while setting aside, healthy needs, which prove unique to
My spirit's well being then my decision would disrupt
My inner peace for this reason:  Rather than accepting and honoring
The uniqueness of my soul's personal needs I might
Charge myself guilty of wrong-doing, and if that mistake in
Judgment was mine then the self imposed nature of the
Inner conflict that would most certainly develop would prove worthy of
My think tank's reconsideration or else I must hold the narrow confines of
My mindset accountable for remaining stuck in a conflicted place rather than
Adjusting my attitude so as to free my processor to create change for the better by
Listening for intuitive guidance, which would surely suggest
Taking cautious steps toward expanding upon yesteryear’s
Thought patterns so as to free my smart heart to
Reclaim its rightful sense of inner peace, which is lost when we fail to
Consciously respect our innermost unmet needs, and with
That insight clearly in mind, tis true that only those who have
Shared certain experiences with one another may have developed
A unique set of inner needs that match each other’s, and
Now that you know why my quest for inner peace has chosen to
Expanded upon The Golden Rule, perhaps you may agree that
We, who have grown together by sharing the same experience, may
Eventually share an insight-driven understanding of
The ways in which experiential complexities reshape everyone of us into
The unique individuals whom we’ve grown to be, today, and thus does
Today's string of insights lead us to see why a mutually respectful series of
Similar growth spurts will ultimately connect two unique souls to feel like
An 'us' based in both having come to honor the uniqueness of
The self-respecting person, whom each of 'us' freely chooses to be within
The depths of our souls where deeper truth, concerning mutual needs
Assuages undeserved guilt so that inner peace dwells anxiety free—WHEW!

If, at this point, you think that last train of thought was so complex as to
Dizzy your mind—I, who challenged my processor to come up with
Words that would best express what I'm feeling inside—wholly agree!
And now that that mental feat has been achieved, let's ease our minds away
From thinking more deeply than ever before in favor of switching
Tracks to a train of thought that proves so linear in scope as to
Feel much more restful than proved true of the last, which, hopefully
Served to inspire your conscious connection to self awareness, along with
Mine, to dive for depth until our processors shared need to come up for air—

As to switching tracks, it occurs to me that you may want to ask:
So—what did the peaceful weekend planned with Katie offer up, which
Had most definitely not been planned?  To which I'll reply:
So much happened that by the end of our 'peaceful' visit
I'd felt utterly exhausted on the one hand while on the other
I had sound reason to treasure every growth spurt that each of us
Has experienced, most especially over these past few years, because
The unplanned events of this weekend offered me insight into the fact that
Our friendship has cautiously risen from one plateau of respect to the next, offering
Us both a whole new level of conscious appreciation for our combined ability to
Work through conflict much more amiably, now, than had been true when
I'd felt need to respect my resistance to actively participate in each other's
Lives, causing us to separate for a period of two years—Why?
Because my power of intuitive thought suggests that strings of insight, which
Ease the stress of conflict resolution, did not inspire change for the better in
Both of us at exactly the same time—good thing neither of US gave up on
Our relationship, because, eventually our friendship resumed exactly
Where we’d left it to mature as much as did Katie and I, over time—
And that example of change for the better served to refortify
My intuitive stance, which continues to guide my positivity to
Never give up on achieving uniquely personal heartfelt goals, because
One never knows when intuitive readiness to embrace each next growth spurt
May take me and A by surprise, and if you picture me with
Tongue in cheek, dressed in red, white and blue, carrying a torch
You can see how today’s timely post serves to highlight
Each courageous leap of faith that has brightened my spirit’s smile with
Every insight-driven step I’ve taken toward celebrating
My personal need to enjoy self-liberation in a good natured fashion

2018—HEAD ON COLLISION Part 4q

Sooo—now that the teacher in me feels that
Post 2018—HEAD ON COLLISION Part 4Ohhh
Is free and clear of confusion (though not perfect)
Let's hope my power of intuition is ready to
Release my think tank to pen a new post ...