Well, first of all—
I don’t do anything
Intuitive trains of thought
Emerge on their own when
My brain feels so
Pensively peaceful that
Each of its functions
Operate calmly in unison like
Unique individuals in a family, who
(Rather than power struggling
Disrespectfully for dominance)
Have grown so well-practiced at
Harmonizing as to have developed
A self disciplined, well balanced
Approach toward working together for
The common good of
One and all as would
A seasoned team of players, who
Once on the field, operate
With the practiced precision
Of a surgical team that’s been trained to
Come together in support of
The surgeon, who’s been trained
To take scalpel in hand, slice open
A sleeping person, take
A well-educated look around inside so as
To identify and carefully remove
The offending intrusion of
Whatever dis-ease is running interference with
The patient’s natural connection to
Good health so that with compassionate caretakers in
Attendance the person will awaken to
Find that, over time, his/her diminished energy level will
Begin to increase, little by little, as the human body
Heals itself, intuitively, from the inside out just as is
True of the wounded portion of
The human brain, once the primary reason for
Dis-ease has been astutely identified and
Successfully eased so that as chronic inner tension lessens
Inner peace is naturally recovered, and if you think
I awakened, this morning, with so much as
A conscious clue that my brain’s well practiced
Power of intuitive thought would direct
My eyes to open, my arm to reach out and take
iPad in hand so that my pointer could
Dance all over the keyboard until
Today’s post had seemingly penned itself—
Please think again ...
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
SOMETHING TO KVELL ABOUT ...
As to the boys’ first experience in snow country
They fell too often to develop a fondness for
Working at boarding; however they
Fell in love with sledding, suggesting
They’ll feel eager to return to
Play in the snow, which met
Barry’s realistic expectation, based in
His personal experience during childhood when
He was positively encouraged to develop
A work ethic so that rather than giving up when
The going gets rough Barry’s attitude of positive
Focus could be seen encouraging both of the boys to
Develop the heartfelt determination and self disciplined
Resilience necessary to accomplish challenging tasks as
They work toward achieving long range, hard won
Personal goals, and as choices were offered, here’s what
Was decided by the time we left the mountain:
Ray’s mindset had expanded to include sledding and
Ski lessons (rather than snowboarding) while
His older brother Tony was solely focused on
Sledding, and since both boys had concluded that
Snow country offered lots of fun
Barry’s short range goal of encouraging
This pair of munchkins to feel eager to
Re-experience some winter activities met with success
As for me, I’ve been ‘kvelling’ at Barry’s valiant
Efforts to offer these strong spirited, little guys
An emotional environment that feels so safe as to
Inspire each child to grow up feeling free to continue to
Develop into the existential being we were
All born to be, meaning that each one will grow up feeling
Encouraged to naturally choose to excel at a variety of
Individualized as well as communal activities, which
Will serve to deepen mutually respectful bonds of
Family togetherness as traditions are enjoyed and
Values are adopted in similar fashion to those which
Barry and his brothers came to embrace as their own once
The spirit of cooperation had been so well absorbed at
Home during family meetings as to inspire
A trio of feisty lads to stop fighting for dominance in favor of
Developing the emotional maturity role modeled by
Leadership, which proves necessary if a family is to
Brainstorm their way through conflicts by offering children
Lots of practice at being sent to time out, together, after
Being instructed to put their heads together and make
Good use of two intelligent brains to come up with
Mutually respectful solutions to their problems with
Each other while they grew toward
Becoming each other’s best friends
PS
Kvelling is a Yiddish term meaning ‘swelling with
Personal happiness and pride’ as when heartfelt
Determination to advance, step by step, toward
Achieving a difficult task accomplishes
Positively focused, deeply rewarding results ...
They fell too often to develop a fondness for
Working at boarding; however they
Fell in love with sledding, suggesting
They’ll feel eager to return to
Play in the snow, which met
Barry’s realistic expectation, based in
His personal experience during childhood when
He was positively encouraged to develop
A work ethic so that rather than giving up when
The going gets rough Barry’s attitude of positive
Focus could be seen encouraging both of the boys to
Develop the heartfelt determination and self disciplined
Resilience necessary to accomplish challenging tasks as
They work toward achieving long range, hard won
Personal goals, and as choices were offered, here’s what
Was decided by the time we left the mountain:
Ray’s mindset had expanded to include sledding and
Ski lessons (rather than snowboarding) while
His older brother Tony was solely focused on
Sledding, and since both boys had concluded that
Snow country offered lots of fun
Barry’s short range goal of encouraging
This pair of munchkins to feel eager to
Re-experience some winter activities met with success
As for me, I’ve been ‘kvelling’ at Barry’s valiant
Efforts to offer these strong spirited, little guys
An emotional environment that feels so safe as to
Inspire each child to grow up feeling free to continue to
Develop into the existential being we were
All born to be, meaning that each one will grow up feeling
Encouraged to naturally choose to excel at a variety of
Individualized as well as communal activities, which
Will serve to deepen mutually respectful bonds of
Family togetherness as traditions are enjoyed and
Values are adopted in similar fashion to those which
Barry and his brothers came to embrace as their own once
The spirit of cooperation had been so well absorbed at
Home during family meetings as to inspire
A trio of feisty lads to stop fighting for dominance in favor of
Developing the emotional maturity role modeled by
Leadership, which proves necessary if a family is to
Brainstorm their way through conflicts by offering children
Lots of practice at being sent to time out, together, after
Being instructed to put their heads together and make
Good use of two intelligent brains to come up with
Mutually respectful solutions to their problems with
Each other while they grew toward
Becoming each other’s best friends
PS
Kvelling is a Yiddish term meaning ‘swelling with
Personal happiness and pride’ as when heartfelt
Determination to advance, step by step, toward
Achieving a difficult task accomplishes
Positively focused, deeply rewarding results ...
A bit of apres-ski craziness at one degree above zero!
Though change is the only constant in life
Some things stay the same—for example
We can see why my mom always said:
Some things stay the same—for example
We can see why my mom always said:
When it's cold, Annie stays toasty warm while awaiting the school bus!
(Though, while growing up in the icy Midwest
I didn't know to wear a ski mask—LOL!)
Sunday, February 25, 2018
UNMET EXPECTATIONS OFFER A RUDE WAKE-UP CALL
My mindset is known to switch tracks from
Fun to ‘work’ and back as naturally, day after day, as
Moon glow bows out to sunlit dawn
We just returned home after enjoying several days with
Barry, Marie, Tony and Ray in Lake Tahoe, where
The boys (aged seven and six), who’d never experienced
The pleasures of playing in snow country, were
Introduced to sledding (fun) and (work) snowboarding
Lessons (which will provide lots of fun once work
Produces skill so that as balance increases falling will
Lessen), and while the boys were engaged in working toward
Developing this long-range goal, Marie (who does not
Love winter sports—experienced her first day on
The mountain, which was fated to whip up
Bone chilling, nose biting cold—Brrr)
On the other hand, she was a good sport, choosing to
Sign up for a semi-private, three hour ski lesson with Will, which
Hindsight proved a bit too ambitious for both, since
Marie was less than gung ho about ‘playing’ in snow, and
Will has not been on skis for at least 23 years, so
Her attitude had need of tweaking toward the positive and
His expectations regarding resuming a sport as rigorous as
Skiing proves to be at age seventy-five proved
Unrealistic for this reason—My husband believed that
His skiing prowess would return in similar fashion to
Riding a bike—so if his spirit was gung ho then what was not?
Will’s natural athleticism (which had been well practiced on
The basketball court where he’d participated in
Competitive leagues beginning with his high school team until
He was about sixty-eight), seemedabsent on
The slopes, suggesting that diminished muscular strength of
Will’s arms and legs—necessary for poling and traversing as
He’d attempted to slalom downhill—failed to arouse
Muscle memory, which, decades ago, had offered him
Such a smooth gliding motion as his musculature had
Functioned as a well practiced whole so as to release
Memories of downhill skiing as having been
Physically thrilling and spiritually relaxing, all at once—
Need I go into detail concerning the fact that after
His twenty-three year hiatus, rather than feeling
Thrilled and relaxed, Will’s seventy-five year old body
Felt exhausted, causing his spirit to slide to half mast while
His mind, wrestling with frustration as
He’d worked his way downhill, found that
Unmet expectations offered a rude wake up call to
A man, who’d once participated in competitive sports so
Naturally that reality blindsided his present day smarts, which
Had no conscious clue as to how much muscle strength
Had been in need of exercising previous to expending
Energy during those three hours spent working at
Snowplowing his way down beginner runs, and then
There was getting up after falling down—by the lesson’s end
Will (who’d begun to downhill during his thirties and
Had quickly advanced to the level of intermediate, blue run
Parallel skier, whose sense of fun, during those younger years
Had included challenging himself to traverse moguls on
Steep, black runs) sat down next to me, during lunch, utterly
Spent, holding a cup of hot chocolate in hopes of
Warming his ice cold hands while I watched his
Human vulnerability openly confronting
This reality—deepening my reaction from
compassion to empathy upon hearing Will (who’d expected
His athletic prowess to pick up steam, during
The expanse of that three hour lesson), state, tiredly:
For three straight hours, I’d felt as if
I’d never been on skis in my entire life ...
My muscle memory has Alzheimer’s
So though Will’s spirit had sagged to half mast
His sense of humor—which had played
Hide and seek during the first twenty five years of
Our marriage, saved the day by turning frowns I pside down
And while we all absorbed the fact that Will’s experience with
Reality had not met any of his expectations
This quote, which proves all too true—no matter how
Youthful our spirits may feel—came to mind:
“Old age is not for sissies.”
—Erma Bombeck
PS
As for me, watching Will’s frustration cured me of
Reminiscing wistfully, thinking that
The only hindrance to my slaloming downhill with
The grace of a young gazelle was sciatica—having
Witnessed Will’s unrealistic expectations offered
My conscious awareness insight into my own—
On the other hand—my realistic expectation of
Working toward rewording the post published
Previously to this one in hopes of achieving
Crystal clear clarity has been
Accomplished—needless to say—
The writer in me has had lots of daily practice ...
And as the editor in me just glanced over
Today’s post, it’s a safe bet that
I’ll get to work tidying up this morning’s
Stream of conscious thought as soon as
Time permits—as for now, Ravi, with whom
I’ve not enjoyed a play date for several days, is
Due to ring my spirit’s chimes, so
Off with my work hat and on with
My happy grin, which wholly anticipates
Feeling so playful as to spend the rest of the day
Bouncing back and forth between laughter and fun!
PSS
Good thing Steven stayed for dinner when
He arrived to pick up Ravi—why?
Well, in addition to the fact that we always
Feel eager to see him, Steven offered us
Insight concerning a missing DETAIL that
Made sense after our son had listened to
His father frustration with exhaustion while
Snow plowing down green runs instead of
Paralleling down blue runs, designed for
Intermediate skiers (and snow boarders)—
“Dad, the first time I tried parabolic skis after
Snow boarding for about ten years
I felt myself skiing out of control, slip sliding
Down an easy run, just like you did, because
Parabolic skis don’t edge as deeply as was true of
Your skis, which have been gathering dust for
Decades in the closet of your garage, so
Don’t give yourself such a hard time”—and
Having listened to Steven’s personally perceptive take on
That MISSING detail which had most likely exacerbated
Will’s problematic experience on the slopes
My spirit’s smile emerged after hearing Will’s spirit reply:
I’ll keep that in mind—Next time ...
Fun to ‘work’ and back as naturally, day after day, as
Moon glow bows out to sunlit dawn
We just returned home after enjoying several days with
Barry, Marie, Tony and Ray in Lake Tahoe, where
The boys (aged seven and six), who’d never experienced
The pleasures of playing in snow country, were
Introduced to sledding (fun) and (work) snowboarding
Lessons (which will provide lots of fun once work
Produces skill so that as balance increases falling will
Lessen), and while the boys were engaged in working toward
Developing this long-range goal, Marie (who does not
Love winter sports—experienced her first day on
The mountain, which was fated to whip up
Bone chilling, nose biting cold—Brrr)
On the other hand, she was a good sport, choosing to
Sign up for a semi-private, three hour ski lesson with Will, which
Hindsight proved a bit too ambitious for both, since
Marie was less than gung ho about ‘playing’ in snow, and
Will has not been on skis for at least 23 years, so
Her attitude had need of tweaking toward the positive and
His expectations regarding resuming a sport as rigorous as
Skiing proves to be at age seventy-five proved
Unrealistic for this reason—My husband believed that
His skiing prowess would return in similar fashion to
Riding a bike—so if his spirit was gung ho then what was not?
Will’s natural athleticism (which had been well practiced on
The basketball court where he’d participated in
Competitive leagues beginning with his high school team until
He was about sixty-eight), seemedabsent on
The slopes, suggesting that diminished muscular strength of
Will’s arms and legs—necessary for poling and traversing as
He’d attempted to slalom downhill—failed to arouse
Muscle memory, which, decades ago, had offered him
Such a smooth gliding motion as his musculature had
Functioned as a well practiced whole so as to release
Memories of downhill skiing as having been
Physically thrilling and spiritually relaxing, all at once—
Need I go into detail concerning the fact that after
His twenty-three year hiatus, rather than feeling
Thrilled and relaxed, Will’s seventy-five year old body
Felt exhausted, causing his spirit to slide to half mast while
His mind, wrestling with frustration as
He’d worked his way downhill, found that
Unmet expectations offered a rude wake up call to
A man, who’d once participated in competitive sports so
Naturally that reality blindsided his present day smarts, which
Had no conscious clue as to how much muscle strength
Had been in need of exercising previous to expending
Energy during those three hours spent working at
Snowplowing his way down beginner runs, and then
There was getting up after falling down—by the lesson’s end
Will (who’d begun to downhill during his thirties and
Had quickly advanced to the level of intermediate, blue run
Parallel skier, whose sense of fun, during those younger years
Had included challenging himself to traverse moguls on
Steep, black runs) sat down next to me, during lunch, utterly
Spent, holding a cup of hot chocolate in hopes of
Warming his ice cold hands while I watched his
Human vulnerability openly confronting
This reality—deepening my reaction from
compassion to empathy upon hearing Will (who’d expected
His athletic prowess to pick up steam, during
The expanse of that three hour lesson), state, tiredly:
For three straight hours, I’d felt as if
I’d never been on skis in my entire life ...
My muscle memory has Alzheimer’s
So though Will’s spirit had sagged to half mast
His sense of humor—which had played
Hide and seek during the first twenty five years of
Our marriage, saved the day by turning frowns I pside down
And while we all absorbed the fact that Will’s experience with
Reality had not met any of his expectations
This quote, which proves all too true—no matter how
Youthful our spirits may feel—came to mind:
“Old age is not for sissies.”
—Erma Bombeck
PS
As for me, watching Will’s frustration cured me of
Reminiscing wistfully, thinking that
The only hindrance to my slaloming downhill with
The grace of a young gazelle was sciatica—having
Witnessed Will’s unrealistic expectations offered
My conscious awareness insight into my own—
On the other hand—my realistic expectation of
Working toward rewording the post published
Previously to this one in hopes of achieving
Crystal clear clarity has been
Accomplished—needless to say—
The writer in me has had lots of daily practice ...
And as the editor in me just glanced over
Today’s post, it’s a safe bet that
I’ll get to work tidying up this morning’s
Stream of conscious thought as soon as
Time permits—as for now, Ravi, with whom
I’ve not enjoyed a play date for several days, is
Due to ring my spirit’s chimes, so
Off with my work hat and on with
My happy grin, which wholly anticipates
Feeling so playful as to spend the rest of the day
Bouncing back and forth between laughter and fun!
PSS
Good thing Steven stayed for dinner when
He arrived to pick up Ravi—why?
Well, in addition to the fact that we always
Feel eager to see him, Steven offered us
Insight concerning a missing DETAIL that
Made sense after our son had listened to
His father frustration with exhaustion while
Snow plowing down green runs instead of
Paralleling down blue runs, designed for
Intermediate skiers (and snow boarders)—
“Dad, the first time I tried parabolic skis after
Snow boarding for about ten years
I felt myself skiing out of control, slip sliding
Down an easy run, just like you did, because
Parabolic skis don’t edge as deeply as was true of
Your skis, which have been gathering dust for
Decades in the closet of your garage, so
Don’t give yourself such a hard time”—and
Having listened to Steven’s personally perceptive take on
That MISSING detail which had most likely exacerbated
Will’s problematic experience on the slopes
My spirit’s smile emerged after hearing Will’s spirit reply:
I’ll keep that in mind—Next time ...
Saturday, February 24, 2018
WHICH SPEAKS TO YOU MOST OFTEN: INTUITION OR BASIC INSTINCT?
So ... if intuitive powers reference
The natural emergence of a person’s
Deeply peaceful, higher thinking skills
And if basic survival instincts reference
The arousal of a person’s repressed fears and
Unresolved frustrations, which are known to
Block higher thinking skills (so as to
Concentrate the brain’s processor wholly upon
Choosing to fight, flee or freeze in place as if to
Save one’s own life) then you and I have just
Gained insight into why the conscious portion of
A person’s thought processor has need to connect ever
More deeply and frequently with the mental strength of
Highly discipled, self control, which offers
Our conscious awareness the ability to differentiate
Between the peaceful emergence of positively focused
Insight-driven, intuitive, solution-seeking trains of thought vs
The arousal of negatively focused, fear-based instinctive
Trains of thought with the accuracy that emotional clarity
Requires if you and I are to grow ever more
Consciously aware of identifying those times when
We need to sit our defensive reactions in time out so as to
Peaceably focus your thought processor’s smarts and
Mine toward brainstorming, together, so as to tap into
Deeper truth whenever it’s necessary to resolve
Each next conflict that’s bound to arise as
Life continues to change and challenge us in
Unexpected (yet classic) ways, creating need for
Adults to deepen their personal sense of resolve to
Develop the inner peace necessary to heighten
Their awareness to personal need to practice
A positively focused, problem-solving
Solution-seeking, decision making process so that
Intuitive trains of thought emerge so quickly as to
Control the arousal of repressed fear and frustration, thus
Calming basic survival instincts, which
(Residing within the primitive brain stem) remain blind to
The fact that inner conflicts blur the clarity of
The thought processor’s decision making process—
Whew!
The emergence of today’s intuitive train of thought
Came close to dizzying my processor’s connection to
Mental clarity more times than the vulnerable
Person I am at my core would like to admit, aloud ...
I mean, you’d have no clue as to how many times I’ve
Worked at reassembling word choices over these
Past two days in hopes that today’s insight-laden
Post may actually serve up the mental clarity necessary to
Convey the courage of my convictions concerning
My hope that your processor may peaceably consider
The validity of my processor’s current conclusions—
Double whew! (As always, comment box hungers for
Your processor’s deeply considered reaction)
BTW soon you shall see what happens when
The main characters in the story,, which has not yet
Been published, have no clue as to how often
The arousal of their repressed fears
(Buried alive during childhood) undermines
The inner strength of their relationship with
Themselves and each other:
She harboring subconscious fear of emotional abandonment
He harboring subconscious fear of failure to achieve lofty goals
The natural emergence of a person’s
Deeply peaceful, higher thinking skills
And if basic survival instincts reference
The arousal of a person’s repressed fears and
Unresolved frustrations, which are known to
Block higher thinking skills (so as to
Concentrate the brain’s processor wholly upon
Choosing to fight, flee or freeze in place as if to
Save one’s own life) then you and I have just
Gained insight into why the conscious portion of
A person’s thought processor has need to connect ever
More deeply and frequently with the mental strength of
Highly discipled, self control, which offers
Our conscious awareness the ability to differentiate
Between the peaceful emergence of positively focused
Insight-driven, intuitive, solution-seeking trains of thought vs
The arousal of negatively focused, fear-based instinctive
Trains of thought with the accuracy that emotional clarity
Requires if you and I are to grow ever more
Consciously aware of identifying those times when
We need to sit our defensive reactions in time out so as to
Peaceably focus your thought processor’s smarts and
Mine toward brainstorming, together, so as to tap into
Deeper truth whenever it’s necessary to resolve
Each next conflict that’s bound to arise as
Life continues to change and challenge us in
Unexpected (yet classic) ways, creating need for
Adults to deepen their personal sense of resolve to
Develop the inner peace necessary to heighten
Their awareness to personal need to practice
A positively focused, problem-solving
Solution-seeking, decision making process so that
Intuitive trains of thought emerge so quickly as to
Control the arousal of repressed fear and frustration, thus
Calming basic survival instincts, which
(Residing within the primitive brain stem) remain blind to
The fact that inner conflicts blur the clarity of
The thought processor’s decision making process—
Whew!
The emergence of today’s intuitive train of thought
Came close to dizzying my processor’s connection to
Mental clarity more times than the vulnerable
Person I am at my core would like to admit, aloud ...
I mean, you’d have no clue as to how many times I’ve
Worked at reassembling word choices over these
Past two days in hopes that today’s insight-laden
Post may actually serve up the mental clarity necessary to
Convey the courage of my convictions concerning
My hope that your processor may peaceably consider
The validity of my processor’s current conclusions—
Double whew! (As always, comment box hungers for
Your processor’s deeply considered reaction)
BTW soon you shall see what happens when
The main characters in the story,, which has not yet
Been published, have no clue as to how often
The arousal of their repressed fears
(Buried alive during childhood) undermines
The inner strength of their relationship with
Themselves and each other:
She harboring subconscious fear of emotional abandonment
He harboring subconscious fear of failure to achieve lofty goals
Thursday, February 22, 2018
PURITY OF THOUGHT CLEARLY IDENTIFIES EMOTION REPRESSED BEHIND OUR PERSONAS
Here’s why I believe Hemingway stated that he could not achieve
“... the real thing, the sequence of motion and fact which made the emotion and which would be as valid in a year or in ten years or, with luck and if you stated it purely enough, always, was beyond me and I was working very hard to get it.”
“... the real thing, the sequence of motion and fact which made the emotion and which would be as valid in a year or in ten years or, with luck and if you stated it purely enough, always, was beyond me and I was working very hard to get it.”
Though Hemingway was a brilliant writer, he could not express purity of thought concerning emotion until his persona had been stripped away so as to consciously confront his mental block against personal demons repressed within subconscious pockets of his mind; however, confronting personal demons proved impossible for Hemingway, because his defense system had erected a wall of denial, creating that mental block, which blinded his conscious awareness from identifying personal vulnerabilities, secreted behind his tough guy persona, and thus does common sense suggest that purity of thought regarding the expression of emotion (which he’d denied as his own) continued to escape his writing genius.
As intuitive powers, releasing purity of thought, emerge during moments of profound peacefulness, I wonder if that deeper truth clarifies the primary reason why Hemingway’s tightly wound, hyper-competitive nature found purity of emotion impossible to express ...
Bottom line, mixed messages absorbed subconsciously during childhood mess with our processors’ emotional clarity throughout every stage of life ... and if mixed messages remain deeply repressed throughout a person’s lifetime then inner conflict, which remains subconscious in nature, continues to hijack inner peace, which precedes the release of insight-driven intuitive trains of thought that convey purity of emotion so clearly as to heighten a person’s conscious awareness to reassemble words until expression of thought reveals exactly what he/she thinks or feels deep inside.
As I continue to feel need to reread certain portions of the post titled REVISITING DON QUIXOTE (1/20/2018) so as to achieve ‘purity of thought’, you can count on me to invite you to check out improvements that my processor deems necessary for this reason: More often than not, intuitive trains of thought emerge in need of rewording so as to clearly convey exactly what I’m feeling or thinking, deep inside, first to me and then to you.
As I continue to feel need to reread certain portions of the post titled REVISITING DON QUIXOTE (1/20/2018) so as to achieve ‘purity of thought’, you can count on me to invite you to check out improvements that my processor deems necessary for this reason: More often than not, intuitive trains of thought emerge in need of rewording so as to clearly convey exactly what I’m feeling or thinking, deep inside, first to me and then to you.
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
INSIGHTS AS BRIGHT AS A FOURTH OF JULY FINALE FLASHED THROUGH MY CONSCIOUS AWARENESS, THIS MORNING!
Wow!
If I were you
I’d check out
Insights added
This morning to
Yesterday’s post
ASAP!
Wow!
If I were you
I’d check out
Insights added
This morning to
Yesterday’s post
ASAP!
Wow!
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
REVISITING DON QUIXOTE (PUBLISHED ON 1/20/2018)
This morning, my intuitive powers awakened me at
3AM, guiding my conscious awareness to heed
Hemingway’s advice to review and improve
Work previously written by paying a visit to
My friend, Don Quixote, and while
Rereading that train of thought, published
Exactly one month ago, today, I marveled at
The natural emergence of additional
Insights which enriched much more than
The content of that post because of this fact:
Insights that emerged as though all on their own
Offered my conscious connection to inner peace
Sound reason to deepen even more than had been
True when my intuitive powers had guided
That specific train of thought to emerge
One month ago from within the tunnel that
Connects my brain’s mental depths with
My thought processor’s conscious awareness, and
As insights added catalyzed my conscious awareness to
Expand so as to open my mindset to
Absorb a series of changes for the better, one
Following naturally after another
I came to see that human beings are born with
An intuitive potential to develop
A conscious awareness of mental depths
That prove necessary if we are to
Gain access to the wealth of knowledge that’s
Innately stored within secreted pockets of
Our brains, and once that insight was
Clearly mine (And as the sun had not yet risen)
The sandman returned, waving a wand, which
Made my eyelids feel so heavy as to encourage
The writer in me to publish today’s post before
My spirit’s deeply peaceful connection to
Soulful wholeness succumbs to the shower of
Magical grains of sleepiness that—-
Zzzz ...
3AM, guiding my conscious awareness to heed
Hemingway’s advice to review and improve
Work previously written by paying a visit to
My friend, Don Quixote, and while
Rereading that train of thought, published
Exactly one month ago, today, I marveled at
The natural emergence of additional
Insights which enriched much more than
The content of that post because of this fact:
Insights that emerged as though all on their own
Offered my conscious connection to inner peace
Sound reason to deepen even more than had been
True when my intuitive powers had guided
That specific train of thought to emerge
One month ago from within the tunnel that
Connects my brain’s mental depths with
My thought processor’s conscious awareness, and
As insights added catalyzed my conscious awareness to
Expand so as to open my mindset to
Absorb a series of changes for the better, one
Following naturally after another
I came to see that human beings are born with
An intuitive potential to develop
A conscious awareness of mental depths
That prove necessary if we are to
Gain access to the wealth of knowledge that’s
Innately stored within secreted pockets of
Our brains, and once that insight was
Clearly mine (And as the sun had not yet risen)
The sandman returned, waving a wand, which
Made my eyelids feel so heavy as to encourage
The writer in me to publish today’s post before
My spirit’s deeply peaceful connection to
Soulful wholeness succumbs to the shower of
Magical grains of sleepiness that—-
Zzzz ...
Saturday, February 17, 2018
WHO WOULD TAKE ADVICE FROM HEMINGWAY ABOUT LIVING A JOYOUS, WELL-BALANCED LIFE?
Though I’d not ask Earnest Hemingway for advice on how best to live a joyful, peacefully rewarding life, this Nobel Prize winner’s professional take on writing is unquestionably worthy of serious consideration.
Hemingway on writing:
“When I was writing, it was necessary for me to reread after I had written. If you kept thinking about it, you would lose the thing you were writing before you could go on with it the next day ... It was necessary to read in order not to think or worry about your work until you could do it again. I had learned already never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that replenish, overnight ...”
“The best way is to read it all every day from the start, correcting as you go along, then go on from where you stopped the day before. When it gets so long that you can't do this every day read back two or three chapters each day; then each week read it all from the start. That's how you make it all of one piece.”
“I was trying to write then and I found the greatest difficulty, aside from knowing truly what you really felt, rather than what you were supposed to feel and had been taught to feel, was to put down what really happened in action; what the actual things were which produced the emotion that you experienced. In writing for a newspaper you told what happened and, with one trick and another, you communicated the emotion aided by the element of timeliness which gives a certain emotion to any account of something that has happened on that day; but the real thing, the sequence of motion and fact which made the emotion and which would be as valid in a year or in ten years or, with luck and if you stated it purely enough, always, was beyond me and I was working very hard to get it.”
Hemingway's adult life was spent challenging women (wives and mistresses) to carry a torch for him and men (friends and foe) to box with him—and if you ask me why I believe his psyche was tortured with self doubt, exacerbating his need for dominance, I’ll ask if you know that as a boy, his mother, Grace, played with his mind by raising him as a 'twin' girl to his sister, Marcelline. In addition to having been dressed as a girl, his father’s lack of courage and ultimate suicide compounded the author's repressed emotional scars suggesting why, genius though he was, his personal life was misspent 'proving' his macho-man virility to no one as much as himself ...
Friday, February 16, 2018
WHAT IS GAINED BY CHOOSING ADVISORS WITH CARE?
When I’d felt need to seek advice concerning how best to
Retrieve my lost sense of inner peace, it became of
Vital importance to consciously focus my mind upon
Growing ever more intuitively aware of choosing
Advisors who (having dived courageously into
Their psyches in hopes of emerging with
Insight driven, deeper truths) have earned my respect
You see, a younger version of me had not yet gained
A conscious clue as to when I was accepting advise from
A series of advisors, whose defensive personas had felt need to
perceive bold faced lies about my vulnerabilities because of their
egocentric need to conceal their vulnerabilities by way of
Revealing only their strengths to themselves ...
In short, once thee consciously musters the courage to
Seek insight into vulnerabilities that
Your persona denies as your own that’s when
Your intuitive powers will coach your conscious mind to
Choose an advisor whose personal growth spurts have
Worked to identify and strengthen his/her vulnerabilities so as to
Restructure personality changes, grown truly so bold as to have
Carved an existential path upon which open minded thinkers
Acknowledge need to discard their defense systems'
Blindfolds before reconsidering choices, which
Had once guilted their decision-makers into
Backing away from rather than taking steps forward toward
Realizing long range goals by unmasking their personas so as to
Dive ever more deeply into the troubled portions of
Their psyches where deeper truths spotlight the fact that
Wounded portions of our egos are in need of healing before
We can brainstorm toward cautiously achieving
Mutually enriching, heartfelt, long range goals, which
Thus far, have remained just beyond our reach, and
Once subconscious wounds are healed, there is this to consider:
Two people, who love each other unconditionally, may
Define inner peace differently from one another—suggestive of
Yet another deeper truth: Love, like a well weeded rose garden
Will never burst into full bloom free of thorns, because
That is not natural to Human Nature, which has two sides
Retrieve my lost sense of inner peace, it became of
Vital importance to consciously focus my mind upon
Growing ever more intuitively aware of choosing
Advisors who (having dived courageously into
Their psyches in hopes of emerging with
Insight driven, deeper truths) have earned my respect
You see, a younger version of me had not yet gained
A conscious clue as to when I was accepting advise from
A series of advisors, whose defensive personas had felt need to
perceive bold faced lies about my vulnerabilities because of their
egocentric need to conceal their vulnerabilities by way of
Revealing only their strengths to themselves ...
In short, once thee consciously musters the courage to
Seek insight into vulnerabilities that
Your persona denies as your own that’s when
Your intuitive powers will coach your conscious mind to
Choose an advisor whose personal growth spurts have
Worked to identify and strengthen his/her vulnerabilities so as to
Restructure personality changes, grown truly so bold as to have
Carved an existential path upon which open minded thinkers
Acknowledge need to discard their defense systems'
Blindfolds before reconsidering choices, which
Had once guilted their decision-makers into
Backing away from rather than taking steps forward toward
Realizing long range goals by unmasking their personas so as to
Dive ever more deeply into the troubled portions of
Their psyches where deeper truths spotlight the fact that
Wounded portions of our egos are in need of healing before
We can brainstorm toward cautiously achieving
Mutually enriching, heartfelt, long range goals, which
Thus far, have remained just beyond our reach, and
Once subconscious wounds are healed, there is this to consider:
Two people, who love each other unconditionally, may
Define inner peace differently from one another—suggestive of
Yet another deeper truth: Love, like a well weeded rose garden
Will never burst into full bloom free of thorns, because
That is not natural to Human Nature, which has two sides
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND A VALENTINE
So if a valentine was posted expressly for you then where might your intuitive powers think to find it?
If, at a glance, you can see that my innermost thoughts did not land here then where might your think tank choose to look next?
Well, knowing my writing history, it’s likely that your think tank would check back to see if yesterday’s post has had reason to swell with insight-driven streams of conscious awareness, which, flowing ever so freely from deep within my heart, were added before sunrise, this morning.
And if insights added, over night, express my wish to offer your heart sound reason to float so far above daily concerns as to feel permeated with inner peace then clearly, you’ll enjoy this day, devoted to loving one another unconditionally, more wholeheartedly than ever before—and what, I ask, could feel more spiritually uplifting than a valentine such as that?
If, at a glance, you can see that my innermost thoughts did not land here then where might your think tank choose to look next?
Well, knowing my writing history, it’s likely that your think tank would check back to see if yesterday’s post has had reason to swell with insight-driven streams of conscious awareness, which, flowing ever so freely from deep within my heart, were added before sunrise, this morning.
And if insights added, over night, express my wish to offer your heart sound reason to float so far above daily concerns as to feel permeated with inner peace then clearly, you’ll enjoy this day, devoted to loving one another unconditionally, more wholeheartedly than ever before—and what, I ask, could feel more spiritually uplifting than a valentine such as that?
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A HAT FITS TOO SNUGGLY FOR YOUR OWN GOOD OR MINE?
Ah! A flash of insight just made me consciously aware of
This fact: Intuition has hit the bullseye, yet again!
This morning, I came to see why my intuitive powers coached
Me to cool my conscious desire to publish the story
Promised to you, several weeks back until readiness is mine
With today’s flash of insight clearly in sight
My mind’s eye has come to ‘see’
The primary reason for tuning into
My intuitive need to rein in my processor’s
Connection to readiness so as to postpone
Publication of that specific story until
After you and I had been offered the opportunity to
Consider the post penned right before this one
Not until today did my intuitive train of thought
Empower the conscious portion of my processor with
‘Knowing’ that this story will serve to illuminate
This classic fact of life:
All too frequently, we have no conscious clue that
Our thought processors are focused so
Single-mindedly upon achieving a mission that
Feels so mentally challenging and all consuming as to
Block our intelligence from spotlighting moments in time
When our lack of self awareness, concerning
The transparency of our emotional reactions, slams
The door in the faces of loved ones whose needs go unmet
In the absence of self awareness, we may fail to
Consciously acknowledge need to change hats, and
When we wear only one hat, over long, our mindsets tend to
Remain so subjective in nature that objectivity, concerning
Our personal vulnerabilities fails to develop, for example:
Hindsight has already offered us insight as to
Why a good, little girl grew up harboring
A subconscious need to reassure her shattered sense of
Personal safety of her processor’s creative ability to
Stretch so far beyond the expectations of others so
As to quell her repressed fear of being so unlovable as
To scare her spirit’s cheerful smile half to death, and
To this end did a sweet little girl grow up to be
A creative thinker, whose white hat, fitting just a bit too tightly
Could be seen squeezing the expansive nature of her think tank into
A space that proved too narrow minded to freely excercise
Existential choices that had need to stretch outside the box, and
Since common knowledge suggests that we are
Naturally attracted to our opposites then I'll bet you can
Readily guess what color hat must have 'fit' the little boy, whose
Emotional reactiveness grew up to be as salty as hindsight suggests
Had proved true of an exhausted young man on a mission, who
Went by the name of Will ...
You see, nothing that Annie and Will had experienced
Prior to their coupling, whether good or bad, was
Behind them as long as their defensive walls of denial hid
Dark, scary secrets concerning each ones self image inside them
As long as injured portions of each person’s self image remains
Unidentified, pain left unhealed and buried alive within
Subconscious pockets of our brains blurs our conscious connection to
Clarity, which remain utterly unaware of our fear of the day when
Those deeply repressed secrets may feel so newly stirred up as to
Leap out into the open, where upon swallowing our personas’ false
Mask of personal of safety whole, our inner demon, which
Distorting our view of reality, hijacks our think tank’s connection to
Clarity, caging our anxious mindset within the clutches of
Yesteryear’s darkest hours, where our lost sense of
Inner peace will run on a wheel, getting no place better fast, having
No conscious clue of intuition’s valiant attempts to coach our
Intelligence to retrieve the key that opens the door in our wall of
Denial behind which deeper truth, regarding the childhood
Experience that continues to scare our wits straight out of
Our heads, remains tied up in knots of tension until
The spirit of Socrates swoops down from on high to
Pay us a visit, as did a trio of spirits swoop down upon
Scrooge, so that upon traveling, back and forth, across the time line of
Our lives, we can see which early life experience will have continued to
Play a defensively reactive, subconscious role in every
Decision each of us has made, and change for the better will not
Take place unless we actively choose to mine our minds for
Buried treasure—namely—inner peace born of having
Working conscientiously to heal childhood’s shattered sense of
Personal safety by tuning into our intuitive powers freeing
Hindsight to connect the conscious portion of our minds with
Flashes of insight that offer our intelligence sound reason to rebalance
Our dimished sense of self worth with a growing
Sensitivity to self restorative objectivity, which offers
Our existential voices the foresight to expand closed mindsets in
Order to think out of the box so freely as to embrace
Leaps of faith toward personal growth spurts that
Spotlight expansive views of choices, which had seemed
Off limits to the guilty conscience belonging to your wounded
Child within, whosevinner peace had not deserved to bear
The burden of repressed fear, unexpressed fury and spiking
Anxiety, all of which remain tightly coiled ‘neath
The hat, white or black, which has been squeezing your
Well rounded brain as well as mine into a vice-like,
Closed-minded state of feeling stuck in a place that
Proves too narrow minded to openly embrace your
Very human need to relax and broaden the tautness of
The highwire upon which your mind, like mine
Has been unconsciously tracking back and
Forth, fearing falling into the mine field below, no
Net in plain sight—over most of your life—geez!
You see, as long as our defensive reactions blind us to
How many of our decisions have been based in locking
Childhood’s scariest secrets away from self awareness
We will feel need to kill the messenger, whose voice
Offers up any key idea that might open the cage, stimulating
The hyperactive portion of our minds sound reason to
Jump off the wheel, stop running in circles getting
Nowhere closer to identifying and resolving
Your primary inner conflict, which, like mine, had
Disfigured your youthful self image to such a
False degree as to have shattered your
Personal safety’s connection to inner peace until
Deeper truth concerning the graveness of
Our egos’wounded condition has been so astutely
Diagnosed that our intelligenc chooses to muster the courage
Humility and patience to set out on a mission to heighten
Our connection to self awareness, one step up at a time, in
Hopes of stimulating our intuitive powers to befriend this
Worthy cause by offering up flashes of insight in such
A surprising, yet wholesome fashion as to enhance
Our conscious connection to the fact that cloaked
Within each sweet or soured persona, our think tanks are
Empowered with a sixth sense, though rusty, crusty and
Dusty the magic of the mind may seem to be at
First (second, third) glance—However
The intuitive magic inherent to your mind’s
eye won’t buddy up with your conscious quest for
Inner peace until positive focus, determination and
Reslience have been whipped into the soufflé, and
You can believe me when I say that, little by little
As this winning combination of personal strengths
Rises to the occasion of being drawn out of
The oven, fully baked, I’ll bet your
Just desserts will have cooked up the answer to your life’s
Most mind blowing riddle by shining the spotlight on
Intuitive strings of insights, highlighting the
Childhood experience that, rising above all others, proved
So terrifying as to have induced Mother Nature to employ
Your defense system to erect a wall of
Emotional denial, blocking your self awareness from
Clarifying the fearsome nature of specific deeper truths that
Darkened your conscious connection to readiness to openly confront—
This fact—which proves timeless, universal and classic:
Ultimately, life and change prove indivisible—and though
One change invariably leads to another, life is short, so
There’s no better time than right now to stop spinning your
Wheels, retrieve the missing key that opens a closed mindset so as to
Nourish your spirit’s smile by freeing your voice to express
Anxiety, too long repressed, once your newly readjusted attitude
Chooses to adventure forth into the great unknown
One step at a time, as does a babe, who, having tired of
Crawling, stands up to greet the world, head held high
No fear of falling short of super human expectations, because
He/she intuitively embraces a positively focused
Never give up attitude pulsing so naturally with
A healthy child’s inquisitive, creative, self confident
Exuberance as to immerse the young mind
Within an expansive field of continuous experimentation until
Both feet, feeling well balanced on solid ground
Take off, running joyously toward thrilling to every
Brand new experience that has eagerly awaited our arrival
Enriching experiences do not come in ABC order — they
Come when they come—ready or not—and that’s the truth
This fact: Intuition has hit the bullseye, yet again!
This morning, I came to see why my intuitive powers coached
Me to cool my conscious desire to publish the story
Promised to you, several weeks back until readiness is mine
With today’s flash of insight clearly in sight
My mind’s eye has come to ‘see’
The primary reason for tuning into
My intuitive need to rein in my processor’s
Connection to readiness so as to postpone
Publication of that specific story until
After you and I had been offered the opportunity to
Consider the post penned right before this one
Not until today did my intuitive train of thought
Empower the conscious portion of my processor with
‘Knowing’ that this story will serve to illuminate
This classic fact of life:
All too frequently, we have no conscious clue that
Our thought processors are focused so
Single-mindedly upon achieving a mission that
Feels so mentally challenging and all consuming as to
Block our intelligence from spotlighting moments in time
When our lack of self awareness, concerning
The transparency of our emotional reactions, slams
The door in the faces of loved ones whose needs go unmet
In the absence of self awareness, we may fail to
Consciously acknowledge need to change hats, and
When we wear only one hat, over long, our mindsets tend to
Remain so subjective in nature that objectivity, concerning
Our personal vulnerabilities fails to develop, for example:
Hindsight has already offered us insight as to
Why a good, little girl grew up harboring
A subconscious need to reassure her shattered sense of
Personal safety of her processor’s creative ability to
Stretch so far beyond the expectations of others so
As to quell her repressed fear of being so unlovable as
To scare her spirit’s cheerful smile half to death, and
To this end did a sweet little girl grow up to be
A creative thinker, whose white hat, fitting just a bit too tightly
Could be seen squeezing the expansive nature of her think tank into
A space that proved too narrow minded to freely excercise
Existential choices that had need to stretch outside the box, and
Since common knowledge suggests that we are
Naturally attracted to our opposites then I'll bet you can
Readily guess what color hat must have 'fit' the little boy, whose
Emotional reactiveness grew up to be as salty as hindsight suggests
Had proved true of an exhausted young man on a mission, who
Went by the name of Will ...
You see, nothing that Annie and Will had experienced
Prior to their coupling, whether good or bad, was
Behind them as long as their defensive walls of denial hid
Dark, scary secrets concerning each ones self image inside them
As long as injured portions of each person’s self image remains
Unidentified, pain left unhealed and buried alive within
Subconscious pockets of our brains blurs our conscious connection to
Clarity, which remain utterly unaware of our fear of the day when
Those deeply repressed secrets may feel so newly stirred up as to
Leap out into the open, where upon swallowing our personas’ false
Mask of personal of safety whole, our inner demon, which
Distorting our view of reality, hijacks our think tank’s connection to
Clarity, caging our anxious mindset within the clutches of
Yesteryear’s darkest hours, where our lost sense of
Inner peace will run on a wheel, getting no place better fast, having
No conscious clue of intuition’s valiant attempts to coach our
Intelligence to retrieve the key that opens the door in our wall of
Denial behind which deeper truth, regarding the childhood
Experience that continues to scare our wits straight out of
Our heads, remains tied up in knots of tension until
The spirit of Socrates swoops down from on high to
Pay us a visit, as did a trio of spirits swoop down upon
Scrooge, so that upon traveling, back and forth, across the time line of
Our lives, we can see which early life experience will have continued to
Play a defensively reactive, subconscious role in every
Decision each of us has made, and change for the better will not
Take place unless we actively choose to mine our minds for
Buried treasure—namely—inner peace born of having
Working conscientiously to heal childhood’s shattered sense of
Personal safety by tuning into our intuitive powers freeing
Hindsight to connect the conscious portion of our minds with
Flashes of insight that offer our intelligence sound reason to rebalance
Our dimished sense of self worth with a growing
Sensitivity to self restorative objectivity, which offers
Our existential voices the foresight to expand closed mindsets in
Order to think out of the box so freely as to embrace
Leaps of faith toward personal growth spurts that
Spotlight expansive views of choices, which had seemed
Off limits to the guilty conscience belonging to your wounded
Child within, whosevinner peace had not deserved to bear
The burden of repressed fear, unexpressed fury and spiking
Anxiety, all of which remain tightly coiled ‘neath
The hat, white or black, which has been squeezing your
Well rounded brain as well as mine into a vice-like,
Closed-minded state of feeling stuck in a place that
Proves too narrow minded to openly embrace your
Very human need to relax and broaden the tautness of
The highwire upon which your mind, like mine
Has been unconsciously tracking back and
Forth, fearing falling into the mine field below, no
Net in plain sight—over most of your life—geez!
You see, as long as our defensive reactions blind us to
How many of our decisions have been based in locking
Childhood’s scariest secrets away from self awareness
We will feel need to kill the messenger, whose voice
Offers up any key idea that might open the cage, stimulating
The hyperactive portion of our minds sound reason to
Jump off the wheel, stop running in circles getting
Nowhere closer to identifying and resolving
Your primary inner conflict, which, like mine, had
Disfigured your youthful self image to such a
False degree as to have shattered your
Personal safety’s connection to inner peace until
Deeper truth concerning the graveness of
Our egos’wounded condition has been so astutely
Diagnosed that our intelligenc chooses to muster the courage
Humility and patience to set out on a mission to heighten
Our connection to self awareness, one step up at a time, in
Hopes of stimulating our intuitive powers to befriend this
Worthy cause by offering up flashes of insight in such
A surprising, yet wholesome fashion as to enhance
Our conscious connection to the fact that cloaked
Within each sweet or soured persona, our think tanks are
Empowered with a sixth sense, though rusty, crusty and
Dusty the magic of the mind may seem to be at
First (second, third) glance—However
The intuitive magic inherent to your mind’s
eye won’t buddy up with your conscious quest for
Inner peace until positive focus, determination and
Reslience have been whipped into the soufflé, and
You can believe me when I say that, little by little
As this winning combination of personal strengths
Rises to the occasion of being drawn out of
The oven, fully baked, I’ll bet your
Just desserts will have cooked up the answer to your life’s
Most mind blowing riddle by shining the spotlight on
Intuitive strings of insights, highlighting the
Childhood experience that, rising above all others, proved
So terrifying as to have induced Mother Nature to employ
Your defense system to erect a wall of
Emotional denial, blocking your self awareness from
Clarifying the fearsome nature of specific deeper truths that
Darkened your conscious connection to readiness to openly confront—
This fact—which proves timeless, universal and classic:
Ultimately, life and change prove indivisible—and though
One change invariably leads to another, life is short, so
There’s no better time than right now to stop spinning your
Wheels, retrieve the missing key that opens a closed mindset so as to
Nourish your spirit’s smile by freeing your voice to express
Anxiety, too long repressed, once your newly readjusted attitude
Chooses to adventure forth into the great unknown
One step at a time, as does a babe, who, having tired of
Crawling, stands up to greet the world, head held high
No fear of falling short of super human expectations, because
He/she intuitively embraces a positively focused
Never give up attitude pulsing so naturally with
A healthy child’s inquisitive, creative, self confident
Exuberance as to immerse the young mind
Within an expansive field of continuous experimentation until
Both feet, feeling well balanced on solid ground
Take off, running joyously toward thrilling to every
Brand new experience that has eagerly awaited our arrival
Enriching experiences do not come in ABC order — they
Come when they come—ready or not—and that’s the truth
Sunday, February 11, 2018
AN UNDIZZIED UPDATE, AT LAST!
Now that my wearied immune system has successfully won its wrestling match with the most miserable strain of flu virus that I can remember, followed by duking it out with a bronchial bacterial infection, here is what subdued the dizziness that resulted as a complication of battling two serious infections for the price of one:
Exhausted of energy, my immune system could not reduce healthy bacteria, which naturally reside within my throat as they munch away at flakes of dead cellular material, and upon multiplying, non stop, their overpopulation began to migrate into my bronchi. Thank goodness, I returned to my internist’s office the very first day that every inhalation of air caused my chest to feel painfully constricted; otherwise an over-production of bacteria would have surely developed into pneumonia.
I can’t remember ever feeling as ill as had been true over these past few weeks, suggesting why I can’t imagine how my body’s compromised immune system would have mustered the energy necessary to overcome pneumonia had I silenced my self-assertive voice instead of proactively calling to make that second appointment with my doctor, stat. Upon examining me that same afternoon, my internist commending my judgement call and handed me a Z-Pak, which, over the next five days, managed to overpower the overwhelming production of bacteria, which, like an infectious army on the march, advancing from throat through brachial tubes, was on its way toward launching a full out invasion of my lungs.
Once that Z-Pak powered up, the build up of bacteria waved the white flag, saving my depressed immune system from battling pneumonia, leaving me to ponder upon this question, which riddled my intelligence: Once my energy had time to recoup, why did dizziness persist? That puzzlement prompted a third doctor’s appointment.
During this third visit to the doctor, my internist answered in the affirmative when I asked if an inner ear complication might be dizzying my equilibrium. Upon examining me, my Eustachian tubes were found to be so irritated by congestion as to swell with inflammation, forming pockets within which fluid retention caused intermittent sensations of inner ear dizziness to develop and persist. In order to heal and reduce swollen pockets of inflammation, asap, a burst of prednisone, to be taken in decreasing amounts over a period of eight days, was prescribed so as to restore my lost sense of inner ear equilibrium once fluid retained had naturally drained.
In addition to the fact that my last dose of this steroid will be taken tomorrow, Celina’s recovery from an abominable hysterectomy is cruising forward uneventfully while the nanny, hired proactively by Steven to tend to Ravi’s daily needs, offers his family of three peace of mind. As to Will, I’ve taken the liberty of conferring an invisible medal for above-and-beyond-care-giving-valor upon my husband, who, having tended to my needs over these past five weeks, has changed hats from nursing cap to golf cap, and now that everyone’s spirit is experiencing sound reason to enjoy change for the better, all around, our family circus feels eager to embrace good health as plans begin to unfold, offering each of us visions of good times, brimming with fun ‘neath the desert’s warm winter sun.☔️⚡️🌈☀️😊
Exhausted of energy, my immune system could not reduce healthy bacteria, which naturally reside within my throat as they munch away at flakes of dead cellular material, and upon multiplying, non stop, their overpopulation began to migrate into my bronchi. Thank goodness, I returned to my internist’s office the very first day that every inhalation of air caused my chest to feel painfully constricted; otherwise an over-production of bacteria would have surely developed into pneumonia.
I can’t remember ever feeling as ill as had been true over these past few weeks, suggesting why I can’t imagine how my body’s compromised immune system would have mustered the energy necessary to overcome pneumonia had I silenced my self-assertive voice instead of proactively calling to make that second appointment with my doctor, stat. Upon examining me that same afternoon, my internist commending my judgement call and handed me a Z-Pak, which, over the next five days, managed to overpower the overwhelming production of bacteria, which, like an infectious army on the march, advancing from throat through brachial tubes, was on its way toward launching a full out invasion of my lungs.
Once that Z-Pak powered up, the build up of bacteria waved the white flag, saving my depressed immune system from battling pneumonia, leaving me to ponder upon this question, which riddled my intelligence: Once my energy had time to recoup, why did dizziness persist? That puzzlement prompted a third doctor’s appointment.
During this third visit to the doctor, my internist answered in the affirmative when I asked if an inner ear complication might be dizzying my equilibrium. Upon examining me, my Eustachian tubes were found to be so irritated by congestion as to swell with inflammation, forming pockets within which fluid retention caused intermittent sensations of inner ear dizziness to develop and persist. In order to heal and reduce swollen pockets of inflammation, asap, a burst of prednisone, to be taken in decreasing amounts over a period of eight days, was prescribed so as to restore my lost sense of inner ear equilibrium once fluid retained had naturally drained.
In addition to the fact that my last dose of this steroid will be taken tomorrow, Celina’s recovery from an abominable hysterectomy is cruising forward uneventfully while the nanny, hired proactively by Steven to tend to Ravi’s daily needs, offers his family of three peace of mind. As to Will, I’ve taken the liberty of conferring an invisible medal for above-and-beyond-care-giving-valor upon my husband, who, having tended to my needs over these past five weeks, has changed hats from nursing cap to golf cap, and now that everyone’s spirit is experiencing sound reason to enjoy change for the better, all around, our family circus feels eager to embrace good health as plans begin to unfold, offering each of us visions of good times, brimming with fun ‘neath the desert’s warm winter sun.☔️⚡️🌈☀️😊
Saturday, February 10, 2018
INTUITIVE POTENTIAL TO PURSUE A SPECIFIC QUEST FOR KNOWLEDGE EXISTS WITHIN YOUR BRAIN AND MINE
So here’s the last insight that I did not have time to offer up at the end of Thursday’s Post: The conscious portion of my mind did not compose that Post. That train of thought was dictated to my conscious mind by my brain’s intuitive powers, which emerge from within the depths of my ‘old’ soul, and I have no more clue as to when that will next happen. next, any more than the conscious portion of a scientist’s mind can truly understand how his/her brain developed its inner ability to ‘know’ how to participate in the complex construction of a rocketship that can track a direct path from earth to moon and back without blowing up the courageous astronauts, whose belief in the scientific powers of the human brain choose to develop a frame of mind so expansive in nature as to guide their team to believe in their safe passage toward and back from outer space in celebration of humankind’s monumental achievements with family, friends, and colleagues, thus inspiring the courageous side of human nature to continue to fire up the long range goals of future generations so that each of today’s step by step achievements in every walk of life will continue to create change for the better throughout the world, at large. Seriously, mankind could only dream of flying above the ground a little more than one hundred years ago, which is why considering the reality of Buck Rogers actually jet streaming into outer space is mind blowing astounding ...
Wikipedia:
The Wright Flyer (often retrospectively referred to as Flyer I or 1903 Flyer) was the first successful heavier-than-air powered aircraft. It was designed and built by the Wright brothers. They flew it four times on December 17, 1903, near Kill Devil Hills, about four miles south of Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, US.
In addition to following intuitive direction, dictating today’s stream of conscious thought to flow out of my brain’s depths of DNA memory, where an accumulation of knowledge has been stored (I’ll have little conscious comprehension of what was written intuitively until I reread my own words), you might choose to join me in rereading Thursday’s Post for this reason: Before my intuitive powers composed today’s post, that molecular, magical portion of my brain, which is mentally much wiser than the Annie, whom I believe myself to be, added insights to that previous post, which your conscious awareness may see as being as inspirational as was true of my conscious mind in terms of deepening our understanding as to why each individual’s personal need to embrace emotional growth spurts, which prove so soulfully profound as to alert our intelligence to decide to review insights added more than once, are necessary if we are to experience attitudinal changes for the better, most especially as advanced age awaits our arrival more quickly than the conscious mind can believe ...
And having clarified my belief that my power of intuitive thought conspires with my old soul’ to direct my conscious mind to write posts concerning my philosophy of life, the Annie with whom I am consciously acquainted is feeling well enough to leave my house in favor of enjoying a lot of fun outside, neath the warmth of the desert’s winter sun with Will, Steven and Ravi after nearly five weeks of home bound illness, so all I feel need to say before bidding you good day for now is—Hooray! It’s great to feel so physically re-energized and spiritually fully alive as to gratefully enjoy each healthy day of the rest of my life along with every other blessing that may be mine to celebrate with family and friends while my birthdays seem to flash by at such a mentally excelerating, dizzying pace as to defy belief ...
Wikipedia:
The Wright Flyer (often retrospectively referred to as Flyer I or 1903 Flyer) was the first successful heavier-than-air powered aircraft. It was designed and built by the Wright brothers. They flew it four times on December 17, 1903, near Kill Devil Hills, about four miles south of Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, US.
In addition to following intuitive direction, dictating today’s stream of conscious thought to flow out of my brain’s depths of DNA memory, where an accumulation of knowledge has been stored (I’ll have little conscious comprehension of what was written intuitively until I reread my own words), you might choose to join me in rereading Thursday’s Post for this reason: Before my intuitive powers composed today’s post, that molecular, magical portion of my brain, which is mentally much wiser than the Annie, whom I believe myself to be, added insights to that previous post, which your conscious awareness may see as being as inspirational as was true of my conscious mind in terms of deepening our understanding as to why each individual’s personal need to embrace emotional growth spurts, which prove so soulfully profound as to alert our intelligence to decide to review insights added more than once, are necessary if we are to experience attitudinal changes for the better, most especially as advanced age awaits our arrival more quickly than the conscious mind can believe ...
And having clarified my belief that my power of intuitive thought conspires with my old soul’ to direct my conscious mind to write posts concerning my philosophy of life, the Annie with whom I am consciously acquainted is feeling well enough to leave my house in favor of enjoying a lot of fun outside, neath the warmth of the desert’s winter sun with Will, Steven and Ravi after nearly five weeks of home bound illness, so all I feel need to say before bidding you good day for now is—Hooray! It’s great to feel so physically re-energized and spiritually fully alive as to gratefully enjoy each healthy day of the rest of my life along with every other blessing that may be mine to celebrate with family and friends while my birthdays seem to flash by at such a mentally excelerating, dizzying pace as to defy belief ...
Thursday, February 8, 2018
AWAKENED WITH SPECIFIC INSIGHTS CONCERNING MY PERSONAL NEED TO DEFINE INNER PEACE
So—what awakened me at 5am?
This next string of insights, which served to
Deepen my processor’s conscious absorption of
My intuitive need to differentiate between
Peace of mind and inner peace
Whereas my definition of peace of mind references
Relaxing the conscious portion of my brain of tension by
Way of combining creativity with logic so as to resolve
A confounding puzzlement resulting in
Calming a build up of mental frustration that had
Caused my think tank to feel like a caged gerbil running
On a stationary wheel, utterly wide awake, night
After night, as though the wheel represents
A closed mind set in stone, which is in need of
Opening before my processor feels free to
Expand its present state of mind so as to consider
A new solution, which, upon solving the problem at hand
Frees my processor to jump off the wheel as soon as
This specific puzzlement feels at rest—
On the other hand—my definition of
Inner peace references my having resolved
A highly personal (perhaps irrational) deeply
Repressed inner conflict, which, unlike
Puzzlements of which I’m consciously aware, remains
Buried (alive) in a raw and thus pain invoking
State of being within my subconscious, where
My ego hides hot spots of emotional woundedness
Inside pockets, guarded by defensive reactions that
Leap out, barking loudly and baring fangs, unless
A person chooses to consciously develop
A self disciplined line of control that monitors
Climbing levels of frustration so as to signal—
Time to take an instantaneous time out on the spot
To rebalance your (my) connection to logic so
That an emotional rush does not free your
Solution-seeking train of thought to huff and puff so
Furiously as to blindly be hooked to
Swallow the bait and switch tracks to engaging in
A power struggle for dominance, which is
Bound to crash into solid, closed minded walls of denial
And if that scenario is innate within human nature then
You may want to ask how my concentration remains
Wholly focused upon tracking positive steps necessary
To cool down my hot spots in order to remain so
Coolheaded as to disarm my opponent of hotheaded
Reactions by way of listening for his/her unmet needs in
Order to better understand why a person who cares
As deeply about our relationship as is true of me feels
So conflicted, momentarily, as to have need to attack
My character, and each time I take a time out to
Reconsider this flash of insight, my newly poked hot spots
Cool down before an adrenalin rush has had time to
Hijack and inflame my smarts, and here is
What arises instead of my defensive reaction to attack back:
A calming belief in my processor’s innate potential to
Naturally tap into my powers of intuitive thought, which
Guides my inner quest for deeper truth to dive, repeatedly
Into the core of my soul where my processor feels
Inspired to swim through eons of wisdom to deep for
My conscious mind to fathomon its own, so as to emerge with
A more expansive connection to conscious awareness concerning
The convergence of I nter-related strings of insight that authorize
My thought processor to grow ever more practiced at
Unmasking one layer of my persona after another, thus enabling
My innate intelligence to continue to gain insight into
Acknowledging a set of deeply repressed
Negatively focused attitudes, each of which
Proves in need of rewiring inside my head so as to cool down
My subconscious hot spots of resentment, which
Had been mistakenly short wired during difficult
Periods of my childhood, causing my self assessment to
Back fire, repeatedly, as though the primary inner conflict, which
Disrupted my inner peace at the age of three, has continued to
Exacerbate my inability to self-assess my self worth with
Accuracy whenever a hot spot is poked, and
The persistence of that vulnerability acts
Like a circuit breaker each time an opponent feels need to
Put me down by hot wiring together one of
My most admirable character traits with an insult so
Disparaging to my ego as to arouse my defense system to
Leap up and cast my processor’s cool as cucumber soup into
A boiling cauldron of seething resentment that causes
My brain to over heats until my natural connection to
Logical streams of thought are steaming with anger that has
Been subconsciously repressed within a tensely coiled state of
Raw frustration until hot buttons, pushed anew, catalyze
The spring release of inner tension that gushes out so as to
Cause my now openly seething think tank to reel so dizzily as to
Lose sight of my need to steady my intelligence to remain
Clearly focused on the solution-seeking track UNLESS, yet again
My Line of Self Control is called orth to calm
The injured portion of my ego, which wants to direct
My brain to defend my honor by attacking my attacker back
And if my injured ego manages to gain control over
My think think, that's when kettles start whistling Dixie while
Pots boil over, spewing yesteryear's emotional venom until
The emotional environment floods with so much
Dark and smoky, hot air that both sides end up choking and
Neither one can find his/her white hat ...
As I like to wear a white hat, you’re more than likely
To see me take a time out to keep the high road
In sight instead of rising to the bait when an opponent, reacting
More like ‘frenemy’ than friend, pushes one of
My hot spots during an emotionally charged debate, and
If you ask how to refuse being hooked, I'll reply, yet again
By consciously choosing to call forth
My well-practiced Line of Control, which
Directs my defense system to take an instantaneous
Time out on the spot to rein in the egocentric portion of
My processor from usurping control away from
My neo Cortex, because as long as
My defense system remains conscientiously self disciplined
I have a better chance of freeing my intuitive smarts to
Listen to my frenemy’s declarations concerning
Unmet needs while my connection to mental clarity
Remains intact, and since clarity enriches
My brain’s capacity to reply with
My inner strengths connected to common sense, I maintain
A calm inner sense of wholeness, which connects to
The epicenter of my soul, and each time
My brain and soul function as one, that's when
Heated debates in need of mutually respectful
Communication skills tend to magically transform
Stormy emotional outbursts into tension soothing
Brainstorming, solution-seeking sessions that
Make such sound use of leadership’s compassionate
Common sensical, reflective listening skills as to salve
Defensive reactions in hopes of encouraging
Attitudinal changes for the better that serve to reference
The very heart of the conflict at hand, and then—
In the aftermath of having transformed a struggle for
Power into a solution seeking conversation
My sense of self seeks time spent in solitude in
Order to make sound use of hindsight as I ponder over
Having taken an instrumental leadership role in
Calming emotional storminess on both sides so as to
Deepen my conscious awareness of
The well-balanced adult, whom I’ve chosen
To grow to be, and as the conscious portion of
My mind gains an ever-deepening connection
To my need to identify and rewire any additional
Negatively focused, self-conceived
Misperceptive exaggerations, concerning
Personal faults that cause me to stress subconsciously over
Feeling unworthy of love unless I meet with
Another person's definition of perfection, I remind
My generosity of spirit to offer myself the same
Gift of compassion as that offered to my opponent
—for example: During these past five weeks, when I was too ill
To minister to my family’s needs, my family lovingl
Ministered to mine, and because of that change in
Our roles, there were times when I became intuitively
Aware of subconscious patterns that were giving me
A really hard time as if my being sick before and after
Celina had surgery was a crime—though
My connection to logic knew that dueling against
Dual infections, simultaneously, was beyond
My control; in fact, since my Lee taxed immune system
Had naturally directed all of my energy toward
Winning that duel, I'd had to consciously work to
Regain peace of mind in order not
To waste energy on mind racing frustration, and so, if
Peace of mind references my conscious ability to
Relax my brain of inner tension by way of knowing when
To open my tool box to pull forth communicative
Problem solving acuity then
Inner peace references my ability to make sound use of
Specific tools in order to put my subconscious arousal of
Negatively focused attitudes to rest whenever
My spirit feels so ill or exhausted so as to deflate arousing
Out-dated, self-demeaning thought processes to arise
Attack and suck the life out of my accumulation of
Knowledge so as to lock today’s smarts in the dark until
I remember to take hold of the key that uncages
The gerbil, held hostage inside my head, beginning
When I was three and saw myself as a bad, little girl
And so we come to see why inner peace references
My growing ability to relax the injured egocentric
Self defeating, subconscious portion of my brain so as to
Free intuitive wisdom to engineer trains of thoughts that
Prove so purely wholesome as to, once again
Connect the dots that remind me to befriend myself by
Wholly relaxing mind, body and spirit so as to complete
The re-balanced circuit that brightly connects
My positively focused mental state with my good soul
(Something tells me that today’s insight-driven
Stream of consciousness will prove in need of editing—
Oh! What the heck! I’m going with the surge of spirit that's
Inspiring me to push publish, right now!)
Holy smokes! I just realized why the promised story won't come
(And perhaps this insight proves true for all of the
Stories, beginning with high school, as well—)
I at freely connect with those troubling years unless
My inner strengths serve as my driving force, and
Over these past five weeks, my spirit has felt too drained
To muster the energy to arouse my self assertive
Voice to initiate the authority necessary to pen stories of
Such a personal nature, which will surely alert
Repressed pain that I've not yet openly confronted to
Emerge, so this time, my defense system's natural resistance to
Readiness has been reacting to illness in a kinder more compassionate
Intuitive manner concerning my present state of vulnerability
(Not to be confused with personal shortcomings) than
My conscious mind was aware of until—just now!
You see, I often give my defense system a bad rep, which
Suggests that I have need to rebalance my view of
That portion of my brain, too—
My dear friend, Ellie says my trains of
Thought help her to better understand herself, and
God love her, she asks me to read my posts aloud
So, today, I read several posts, written over these
Past couple of weeks (both of our brains felt really dizzied
By the time I finished today's soliloquy), and dang it
If my eye didn't spy mistakes leaping out at me (as
One post was read after another), some of which were
Due to typing errors, some due to auto correct, others due to
Editing too quickly so as to have overlooked changes made in
Sentence structure that required modifying words (such as
Cange to changing or Thinking to think, etc), and
Most frustrating of all were trains of thought,which still
Remain far too complex for human consumption—Harrumph!
So that leaves me asking—do I back track to edit—again—
Or just go forth—accepting the fact that my posts offer up
More imperfections than I'd originally thought?
I'll not answer that question, right now, for this reason:
I finally feel well enough to go to the movies—
And as that's where we're heading, momentarily
Frustration just lifted, my spirit is smiling
The sun is shining and tis time for me to get ready for fun
Oh! One more thing—uh, on second thought
I don't want to be late so—it can wait ...
This next string of insights, which served to
Deepen my processor’s conscious absorption of
My intuitive need to differentiate between
Peace of mind and inner peace
Whereas my definition of peace of mind references
Relaxing the conscious portion of my brain of tension by
Way of combining creativity with logic so as to resolve
A confounding puzzlement resulting in
Calming a build up of mental frustration that had
Caused my think tank to feel like a caged gerbil running
On a stationary wheel, utterly wide awake, night
After night, as though the wheel represents
A closed mind set in stone, which is in need of
Opening before my processor feels free to
Expand its present state of mind so as to consider
A new solution, which, upon solving the problem at hand
Frees my processor to jump off the wheel as soon as
This specific puzzlement feels at rest—
On the other hand—my definition of
Inner peace references my having resolved
A highly personal (perhaps irrational) deeply
Repressed inner conflict, which, unlike
Puzzlements of which I’m consciously aware, remains
Buried (alive) in a raw and thus pain invoking
State of being within my subconscious, where
My ego hides hot spots of emotional woundedness
Inside pockets, guarded by defensive reactions that
Leap out, barking loudly and baring fangs, unless
A person chooses to consciously develop
A self disciplined line of control that monitors
Climbing levels of frustration so as to signal—
Time to take an instantaneous time out on the spot
To rebalance your (my) connection to logic so
That an emotional rush does not free your
Solution-seeking train of thought to huff and puff so
Furiously as to blindly be hooked to
Swallow the bait and switch tracks to engaging in
A power struggle for dominance, which is
Bound to crash into solid, closed minded walls of denial
And if that scenario is innate within human nature then
You may want to ask how my concentration remains
Wholly focused upon tracking positive steps necessary
To cool down my hot spots in order to remain so
Coolheaded as to disarm my opponent of hotheaded
Reactions by way of listening for his/her unmet needs in
Order to better understand why a person who cares
As deeply about our relationship as is true of me feels
So conflicted, momentarily, as to have need to attack
My character, and each time I take a time out to
Reconsider this flash of insight, my newly poked hot spots
Cool down before an adrenalin rush has had time to
Hijack and inflame my smarts, and here is
What arises instead of my defensive reaction to attack back:
A calming belief in my processor’s innate potential to
Naturally tap into my powers of intuitive thought, which
Guides my inner quest for deeper truth to dive, repeatedly
Into the core of my soul where my processor feels
Inspired to swim through eons of wisdom to deep for
My conscious mind to fathomon its own, so as to emerge with
A more expansive connection to conscious awareness concerning
The convergence of I nter-related strings of insight that authorize
My thought processor to grow ever more practiced at
Unmasking one layer of my persona after another, thus enabling
My innate intelligence to continue to gain insight into
Acknowledging a set of deeply repressed
Negatively focused attitudes, each of which
Proves in need of rewiring inside my head so as to cool down
My subconscious hot spots of resentment, which
Had been mistakenly short wired during difficult
Periods of my childhood, causing my self assessment to
Back fire, repeatedly, as though the primary inner conflict, which
Disrupted my inner peace at the age of three, has continued to
Exacerbate my inability to self-assess my self worth with
Accuracy whenever a hot spot is poked, and
The persistence of that vulnerability acts
Like a circuit breaker each time an opponent feels need to
Put me down by hot wiring together one of
My most admirable character traits with an insult so
Disparaging to my ego as to arouse my defense system to
Leap up and cast my processor’s cool as cucumber soup into
A boiling cauldron of seething resentment that causes
My brain to over heats until my natural connection to
Logical streams of thought are steaming with anger that has
Been subconsciously repressed within a tensely coiled state of
Raw frustration until hot buttons, pushed anew, catalyze
The spring release of inner tension that gushes out so as to
Cause my now openly seething think tank to reel so dizzily as to
Lose sight of my need to steady my intelligence to remain
Clearly focused on the solution-seeking track UNLESS, yet again
My Line of Self Control is called orth to calm
The injured portion of my ego, which wants to direct
My brain to defend my honor by attacking my attacker back
And if my injured ego manages to gain control over
My think think, that's when kettles start whistling Dixie while
Pots boil over, spewing yesteryear's emotional venom until
The emotional environment floods with so much
Dark and smoky, hot air that both sides end up choking and
Neither one can find his/her white hat ...
As I like to wear a white hat, you’re more than likely
To see me take a time out to keep the high road
In sight instead of rising to the bait when an opponent, reacting
More like ‘frenemy’ than friend, pushes one of
My hot spots during an emotionally charged debate, and
If you ask how to refuse being hooked, I'll reply, yet again
By consciously choosing to call forth
My well-practiced Line of Control, which
Directs my defense system to take an instantaneous
Time out on the spot to rein in the egocentric portion of
My processor from usurping control away from
My neo Cortex, because as long as
My defense system remains conscientiously self disciplined
I have a better chance of freeing my intuitive smarts to
Listen to my frenemy’s declarations concerning
Unmet needs while my connection to mental clarity
Remains intact, and since clarity enriches
My brain’s capacity to reply with
My inner strengths connected to common sense, I maintain
A calm inner sense of wholeness, which connects to
The epicenter of my soul, and each time
My brain and soul function as one, that's when
Heated debates in need of mutually respectful
Communication skills tend to magically transform
Stormy emotional outbursts into tension soothing
Brainstorming, solution-seeking sessions that
Make such sound use of leadership’s compassionate
Common sensical, reflective listening skills as to salve
Defensive reactions in hopes of encouraging
Attitudinal changes for the better that serve to reference
The very heart of the conflict at hand, and then—
In the aftermath of having transformed a struggle for
Power into a solution seeking conversation
My sense of self seeks time spent in solitude in
Order to make sound use of hindsight as I ponder over
Having taken an instrumental leadership role in
Calming emotional storminess on both sides so as to
Deepen my conscious awareness of
The well-balanced adult, whom I’ve chosen
To grow to be, and as the conscious portion of
My mind gains an ever-deepening connection
To my need to identify and rewire any additional
Negatively focused, self-conceived
Misperceptive exaggerations, concerning
Personal faults that cause me to stress subconsciously over
Feeling unworthy of love unless I meet with
Another person's definition of perfection, I remind
My generosity of spirit to offer myself the same
Gift of compassion as that offered to my opponent
—for example: During these past five weeks, when I was too ill
To minister to my family’s needs, my family lovingl
Ministered to mine, and because of that change in
Our roles, there were times when I became intuitively
Aware of subconscious patterns that were giving me
A really hard time as if my being sick before and after
Celina had surgery was a crime—though
My connection to logic knew that dueling against
Dual infections, simultaneously, was beyond
My control; in fact, since my Lee taxed immune system
Had naturally directed all of my energy toward
Winning that duel, I'd had to consciously work to
Regain peace of mind in order not
To waste energy on mind racing frustration, and so, if
Peace of mind references my conscious ability to
Relax my brain of inner tension by way of knowing when
To open my tool box to pull forth communicative
Problem solving acuity then
Inner peace references my ability to make sound use of
Specific tools in order to put my subconscious arousal of
Negatively focused attitudes to rest whenever
My spirit feels so ill or exhausted so as to deflate arousing
Out-dated, self-demeaning thought processes to arise
Attack and suck the life out of my accumulation of
Knowledge so as to lock today’s smarts in the dark until
I remember to take hold of the key that uncages
The gerbil, held hostage inside my head, beginning
When I was three and saw myself as a bad, little girl
And so we come to see why inner peace references
My growing ability to relax the injured egocentric
Self defeating, subconscious portion of my brain so as to
Free intuitive wisdom to engineer trains of thoughts that
Prove so purely wholesome as to, once again
Connect the dots that remind me to befriend myself by
Wholly relaxing mind, body and spirit so as to complete
The re-balanced circuit that brightly connects
My positively focused mental state with my good soul
(Something tells me that today’s insight-driven
Stream of consciousness will prove in need of editing—
Oh! What the heck! I’m going with the surge of spirit that's
Inspiring me to push publish, right now!)
Holy smokes! I just realized why the promised story won't come
(And perhaps this insight proves true for all of the
Stories, beginning with high school, as well—)
I at freely connect with those troubling years unless
My inner strengths serve as my driving force, and
Over these past five weeks, my spirit has felt too drained
To muster the energy to arouse my self assertive
Voice to initiate the authority necessary to pen stories of
Such a personal nature, which will surely alert
Repressed pain that I've not yet openly confronted to
Emerge, so this time, my defense system's natural resistance to
Readiness has been reacting to illness in a kinder more compassionate
Intuitive manner concerning my present state of vulnerability
(Not to be confused with personal shortcomings) than
My conscious mind was aware of until—just now!
You see, I often give my defense system a bad rep, which
Suggests that I have need to rebalance my view of
That portion of my brain, too—
My dear friend, Ellie says my trains of
Thought help her to better understand herself, and
God love her, she asks me to read my posts aloud
So, today, I read several posts, written over these
Past couple of weeks (both of our brains felt really dizzied
By the time I finished today's soliloquy), and dang it
If my eye didn't spy mistakes leaping out at me (as
One post was read after another), some of which were
Due to typing errors, some due to auto correct, others due to
Editing too quickly so as to have overlooked changes made in
Sentence structure that required modifying words (such as
Cange to changing or Thinking to think, etc), and
Most frustrating of all were trains of thought,which still
Remain far too complex for human consumption—Harrumph!
So that leaves me asking—do I back track to edit—again—
Or just go forth—accepting the fact that my posts offer up
More imperfections than I'd originally thought?
I'll not answer that question, right now, for this reason:
I finally feel well enough to go to the movies—
And as that's where we're heading, momentarily
Frustration just lifted, my spirit is smiling
The sun is shining and tis time for me to get ready for fun
Oh! One more thing—uh, on second thought
I don't want to be late so—it can wait ...
Wednesday, February 7, 2018
STILL DIZZY AFTER ALL THESE WEEKS
Inner ear fluid still splashing dizziness upward and all around causing
Inner sanctum of my brain to spin information like wet clothes in dryer 💦
If dizziness persists, I’ll ask my internist for a referral to ENT🌈☀️
Though flu miseries have passed
And Z-PAK made quick work of wrestling
Bronchial bacterial infection to the mat
I am now into the fifth week of feeling unwell
Well—we’ll (Auto correct—where is your thinking cap!)
Let’s do that again ...
I am now into the fifth week of feeling unwell ...
Well—well enough to enjoy friends and drive short distances before
My equilibrium, still swimming round and round in fluid trapped
Inside my inner ear, floats my brain away from continuing to
Concentrate upon navigating the freeway, safely, so, until
Change for the better is mine, reality suggests that driving beyond
my extended neighborhood remains unwise
Haven’t recouped sufficient stamina to watch Ravi on my own
Or to complete, edit and publish the story I’d promised to pen, assuming
That Will, who, as you know, has been offered the right of first refusal
Will give me a thumbs up, which I truly expect to receive, so
Not until my inner ear clears of fluid, offering me the go ahead to
Pen the rest of this story with mental clarity replacing dizziness
Will I feel ready to offer you that which was promised, and so
In the interim, here’s my plan:
Aslong as (auto correct, you are a royal pain!!!)
As long as my inner ear problem remains unresolved
I’ll continue to post trains of thought that I find of
Interest in hopes that much of whatever holds
My attention may take hold of yours, too
And once again—we find patience to be a virtue, most
Especially when the fickle inner (what?) of fate teases us by
Dang,Ingleside (auto correct—your choices make no sense!)
Especially when the fickle finger of fate teases us by
Dangling short range goals just beyond reach ...
There! That’s better!
Inner sanctum of my brain to spin information like wet clothes in dryer 💦
If dizziness persists, I’ll ask my internist for a referral to ENT🌈☀️
Though flu miseries have passed
And Z-PAK made quick work of wrestling
Bronchial bacterial infection to the mat
I am now into the fifth week of feeling unwell
Well—we’ll (Auto correct—where is your thinking cap!)
Let’s do that again ...
I am now into the fifth week of feeling unwell ...
Well—well enough to enjoy friends and drive short distances before
My equilibrium, still swimming round and round in fluid trapped
Inside my inner ear, floats my brain away from continuing to
Concentrate upon navigating the freeway, safely, so, until
Change for the better is mine, reality suggests that driving beyond
my extended neighborhood remains unwise
Haven’t recouped sufficient stamina to watch Ravi on my own
Or to complete, edit and publish the story I’d promised to pen, assuming
That Will, who, as you know, has been offered the right of first refusal
Will give me a thumbs up, which I truly expect to receive, so
Not until my inner ear clears of fluid, offering me the go ahead to
Pen the rest of this story with mental clarity replacing dizziness
Will I feel ready to offer you that which was promised, and so
In the interim, here’s my plan:
Aslong as (auto correct, you are a royal pain!!!)
As long as my inner ear problem remains unresolved
I’ll continue to post trains of thought that I find of
Interest in hopes that much of whatever holds
My attention may take hold of yours, too
And once again—we find patience to be a virtue, most
Especially when the fickle inner (what?) of fate teases us by
Dang,Ingleside (auto correct—your choices make no sense!)
Especially when the fickle finger of fate teases us by
Dangling short range goals just beyond reach ...
There! That’s better!
Monday, February 5, 2018
THE EDITING PROCESS: IS THIS MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT CLARITY OR MY BEST WORK?
While rewriting my posts, my processor is not seeking perfection
I rewrite each post until the emergence of my innermost thoughts
Are expressed in word choices that clearly make sense, first
To me and then hopefully, to you. and here is why
It’s not uncommon for an extensive editing process to
Prove necessary before clarity is achieved, all around:
Though intuitive trains of thoughts often prove profound, they
May also be so complex as to emerge from my brain’s
Inner sanctum in such a disorderly formation as to
Suggest why the conscious portion of my processor must
Reread whatever has been penned until, upon further review
My think tank’s organizational prowess can kick in in
Order to focus my intelligence upon how best to simplify
Natural streams of consciousness, which, having
Emerged in a highly complex state of being, arouses
My processor's awareness of need to create
Change for the better by modifying
Trains of thought, again and again, so as to ease
Readership’s comprehensive absorption of
Strings of insights, which, likened to
Christmas lights, lining up and lighting up
All wired together, illuminate
Your conscious awareness and mine to
Identify this classic truth, repeatedly:
No matter how brightly enlightened
Our processors continue to feel as
We age, there will always be additional
Insights, concerning the absorption of wisdom when
The subjects at hand are life, love and the human brain's
Contrasting, interactive functionalities
And here’s why the words chosen to bring that
Deeper truth home proves profound:
No matter our age, we don’t know what we don’t know but
Need to know concerning how to make such sound use of
Our smarts so as to communicate so wisely that
Our listening skills, talking skills and solution-seeking skills
Grow to be so effectively and expansively instrumental as to
Create changes for the better, which will improve
Our lives as well as the lives of everyone we 'touch'
(See what I mean about need to simplify
The highly complex profundity of intuitive trains of thought?)
And now that today’s post has clarified the fact that
My editing process strives—not toward achieving
Perfection but toward easing readership’s
Comprehensive absorption of profoundly compelling
Strings of interrelated, insight-driven chains of
Thoughts, which prove so complex as to have
Emerged from within my intuitive depths in such
A confounding state of being as to alert
My intelligence to remain aware of inner need to continue to
Work toward simplifying streams of consciousness that
Have already been penned and published for public consumption
And as an example of that deeply intuitive, editing process
You may find it of interest to know that
I still feel compelled to back track in hopes of
Improving a post published earlier this week, on
Monday, to be exact ... why?
Because thoroughness is my thing
Years ago, when I’d coached my trio of young sons to
Produce their best work during moments when
Each one’s mental concentration was
Focused upon completing daily homework assignments
I was guiding their processors to develop the personal
Strength of thoroughness—however
If thoroughness concerning clarity of purpose is
The name of the game then when the subject at hand is
Creative writing, most writers would agree that
The first draft, penned by scribe, is called
A rough draft, because grammatical mistakes
Have need to be caught and insight concerning smoothing
Out wrinkles that prove disruptive to our processors’ connection to
Clarity are ironed out during the editing process, and now that
Auto correct has a mind of its own, I also have need to catch
Computerized mistakes, which all too often escape
My detection until the editing process offers
My eyes reason to widen in surprise before they roll upward in
Quiet frustration—I mean, seriously—it’s quite enough
Work to simplify complexity of thought that has
Emerged from deep within my brain without
My having to zero in in ORDER to
Correct auto correct, which
Stubbornly changes my word choices or corrects
My grammar choices, at times when neither one
Proves in need of correction in the first place
For example, much to my exasperation
I find auto correct changing the possessive form of ‘its’ to
‘It’s’ (it is) so often as to frustrate my sensitivity to
Writing with attention to grammatical correctness, so that
Each time auto correct makes a mistake that somehow
Slips by until it leaps out at me, piercing
My awareness at some point during
The editing process (or often times, not until
After I’ve published a post or sent a text), once
I come to spy computerized mistakes, which were
Most certainly not my fault, I hear
The fifth grade teacher in me clearly declare:
Auto correct, please straighten your thinking cap!
Hemingway on his writing process:
“When you start to write you get all the kick and the reader gets none ... After you learn to write your whole object is to convey everything, every sensation, sight, feeling, place and emotion to the reader. To do this you have to work over what you write. If you write with a pencil you get three different sights at it to see if the reader is getting what you want him to. First when you read it over; then when it is typed you get another chance to improve it, and again in the proof. Writing it first in pencil gives you one-third more chance to improve it. That is .333 which is a damned good average for a hitter. It also keeps it fluid longer so you can better it easier.“
— Earnest Hemingway
Though I can’t find the direct quote on Google
Hemingway also said:
Good writing is in the editing
Being a guy, Hemingway used very few words
Being a woman, who’d mistakenly gotten into the talking line twice
I can’t figure out how in the world to achieve such a feat ...
PS
Wow! That was some game yesterday ... right? Right!
Just picked up on mistakes in this post as well as mistakes in the post published, Friday ... Geez ...
I rewrite each post until the emergence of my innermost thoughts
Are expressed in word choices that clearly make sense, first
To me and then hopefully, to you. and here is why
It’s not uncommon for an extensive editing process to
Prove necessary before clarity is achieved, all around:
Though intuitive trains of thoughts often prove profound, they
May also be so complex as to emerge from my brain’s
Inner sanctum in such a disorderly formation as to
Suggest why the conscious portion of my processor must
Reread whatever has been penned until, upon further review
My think tank’s organizational prowess can kick in in
Order to focus my intelligence upon how best to simplify
Natural streams of consciousness, which, having
Emerged in a highly complex state of being, arouses
My processor's awareness of need to create
Change for the better by modifying
Trains of thought, again and again, so as to ease
Readership’s comprehensive absorption of
Strings of insights, which, likened to
Christmas lights, lining up and lighting up
All wired together, illuminate
Your conscious awareness and mine to
Identify this classic truth, repeatedly:
No matter how brightly enlightened
Our processors continue to feel as
We age, there will always be additional
Insights, concerning the absorption of wisdom when
The subjects at hand are life, love and the human brain's
Contrasting, interactive functionalities
And here’s why the words chosen to bring that
Deeper truth home proves profound:
No matter our age, we don’t know what we don’t know but
Need to know concerning how to make such sound use of
Our smarts so as to communicate so wisely that
Our listening skills, talking skills and solution-seeking skills
Grow to be so effectively and expansively instrumental as to
Create changes for the better, which will improve
Our lives as well as the lives of everyone we 'touch'
(See what I mean about need to simplify
The highly complex profundity of intuitive trains of thought?)
And now that today’s post has clarified the fact that
My editing process strives—not toward achieving
Perfection but toward easing readership’s
Comprehensive absorption of profoundly compelling
Strings of interrelated, insight-driven chains of
Thoughts, which prove so complex as to have
Emerged from within my intuitive depths in such
A confounding state of being as to alert
My intelligence to remain aware of inner need to continue to
Work toward simplifying streams of consciousness that
Have already been penned and published for public consumption
And as an example of that deeply intuitive, editing process
You may find it of interest to know that
I still feel compelled to back track in hopes of
Improving a post published earlier this week, on
Monday, to be exact ... why?
Because thoroughness is my thing
Years ago, when I’d coached my trio of young sons to
Produce their best work during moments when
Each one’s mental concentration was
Focused upon completing daily homework assignments
I was guiding their processors to develop the personal
Strength of thoroughness—however
If thoroughness concerning clarity of purpose is
The name of the game then when the subject at hand is
Creative writing, most writers would agree that
The first draft, penned by scribe, is called
A rough draft, because grammatical mistakes
Have need to be caught and insight concerning smoothing
Out wrinkles that prove disruptive to our processors’ connection to
Clarity are ironed out during the editing process, and now that
Auto correct has a mind of its own, I also have need to catch
Computerized mistakes, which all too often escape
My detection until the editing process offers
My eyes reason to widen in surprise before they roll upward in
Quiet frustration—I mean, seriously—it’s quite enough
Work to simplify complexity of thought that has
Emerged from deep within my brain without
My having to zero in in ORDER to
Correct auto correct, which
Stubbornly changes my word choices or corrects
My grammar choices, at times when neither one
Proves in need of correction in the first place
For example, much to my exasperation
I find auto correct changing the possessive form of ‘its’ to
‘It’s’ (it is) so often as to frustrate my sensitivity to
Writing with attention to grammatical correctness, so that
Each time auto correct makes a mistake that somehow
Slips by until it leaps out at me, piercing
My awareness at some point during
The editing process (or often times, not until
After I’ve published a post or sent a text), once
I come to spy computerized mistakes, which were
Most certainly not my fault, I hear
The fifth grade teacher in me clearly declare:
Auto correct, please straighten your thinking cap!
Hemingway on his writing process:
“When you start to write you get all the kick and the reader gets none ... After you learn to write your whole object is to convey everything, every sensation, sight, feeling, place and emotion to the reader. To do this you have to work over what you write. If you write with a pencil you get three different sights at it to see if the reader is getting what you want him to. First when you read it over; then when it is typed you get another chance to improve it, and again in the proof. Writing it first in pencil gives you one-third more chance to improve it. That is .333 which is a damned good average for a hitter. It also keeps it fluid longer so you can better it easier.“
— Earnest Hemingway
Though I can’t find the direct quote on Google
Hemingway also said:
Good writing is in the editing
Being a guy, Hemingway used very few words
Being a woman, who’d mistakenly gotten into the talking line twice
I can’t figure out how in the world to achieve such a feat ...
PS
Wow! That was some game yesterday ... right? Right!
Just picked up on mistakes in this post as well as mistakes in the post published, Friday ... Geez ...
Sunday, February 4, 2018
WHAT DRIVES MY INTUITIVE NEED TO DIVE SO DEEP INTO MY BRAIN WHERE INSIGHTS, CONCERNING INNER PEACE, EMERGE, WHICH I DO MY BEST TO CLARIFY FOR YOU?
So why has my thought processor developed this compelling need to differentiate between those times when a current event disrupts my conscious peace of mind from those times when my subconscious reaction to a current event triggers yesteryear’s unresolved anxiety, repressed during childhood, to erupt, stimulating my emotionality to feel so exacerbated as to alert my basic survival instinct to redirect all of my processor’s mental energy away from clarity of thought in favor of hunkering down within my brain’s bunker soas to instantaneously surmise the best of three and only three plans of escape from that whichfeels like a near and present danger even though that life threatening danger, which is presently shattering my innermost sense of personal safety, took place in the distant past, suggestive of this fact: Yesteryear’s unresolved fear exists inside my head, where haunting memories of sudden death leave daunting questions unanswered, concerning my self worth, and as long as these questions, concerning sel worth stalk my soul’s peaceful existence, my mental processes feel compelled to quest ever more deeply into subconscious territory, as if seeking the answer to these questions, which I did not know to ask at the age of three:
Why did my grandpa, who’d appeared to one and all to be enjoying good health, suddenly disappear?
Why did my sister, who’d appeared to one and all to be enjoying good health, suddenly disappear during her nap, several weeks later?
Why did I, who had felt like the center of my family’s universe for the first three years of my life suddenly feel as if I was falling off a cliff into a dark, scary, bottomless pit where no matter how loudly, I’d ‘asked’ for help (by loudly demanding my grief stricken family’s loving attention), all I received after ‘acting out’ my deeply confounded, personally petrified, stressed out dstress (as terrified thee year olds are wont to react) was deeply stressed frowns and impatiently reactive voices, casting words of condemnation that landed on my head like a ton of bricks—OMG (surmised three year old me), as soon as something bad happens, no one cares about me! I could fall off the edge of our safe little world, and no one would even notice that I was gone. No one's arms are encircling me with heartfelt kindness when I cry for attention that has always been mine since the day I was born! If I don’t want to wander wanly from room to room feeling scared (half to death) and all alone then:
I’d better be good ... for the rest of my life!
So good that I’ll feel valued and loved by people I love
Or better yet, I'll feel loved by everyone in the world!
Wow! That will make me feel safe from loneliness and swift lashes of anger
No wait—good’s not good enough to provide my injured ego with
The personal sense of safety that I’ve lost—in fact
My newfound fear of worthlessness (which developed, over months of unrest) will
Influence my fear of emotional abandonment to over-compensate for good measure
So that rather than just being good, I’ll strive toward perfection in
Every aspect of life, surmising that as long as
My newly adopted persona 'performs' with perfection, no one, who is
Stressed out will have any reason to glare at me from across the room or
Grab me up and spank me soundly, and
With time, that was the subconscious plan cooked up by
My defense system to save the lonely, terrified, deeply injured portion of
My ego from slip sliding even further into that darkly stormy black hole, where
Beginning at that crucial time of early childhood personality development (between
Three and five years old) my fledgling self worth became solidly buried under
An avalanche of self condemnation that continued to layer up, year after year
Why? Because my deeply repressed, subconscious negative attitude and
Consciously lowered expectations of being loved less than I gave love, matched
So now you know how the concepts of personal perfection and personal safety
Got to be hot wired into a crossed wired state somewhere within
My subconscious, where scary secrets, concerning my insecure self image
Felt far too complex and profound for a three year old processor to
Even begin to fathom, much less comprehend, catalyzed
My intuitive quest to gain insight into why
My soul’s connection to inner peace became utterly entangled with
My subconscious fear of any personal imperfection that might
Catalyze a repeat of my feeling miserably left out in the cold to
Fend for myself if anything at all went amiss with any person’s life—
On my watch, and with over compensation acting as my closest ally
My defense system’s basic instinct, which had been
Permanently set to be on call 24/7, was
Autonomically alerted to arouse The Fixer to think up
A fool-proof-fix-it-plan-as-fast-as-possible that would surely
Lead everyone to a place of safety before the terrified little girl, who’d been
Buried alive within a subconscious dungeon at
The highly vulnerable age of three, could crash through
My defensive wall of denial and flatten my persona ... which
My conscious awareness had mistakenly seen as the true ME until
My power of intuition began to offer my conscious connection to
Self awareness a compelling need to dive ever more deeply into
Repressed pockets of my subconscious where scary secrets harbored
My fear of being so imperfect as to have condemned myself guilty of
Being unloved, because I was unlovable until insight after insight was
Gained, making me ever more astutely aware of my life long need to
Muster the courage and humility necessary to
Bulk up my inner strengths in order to ready my intelligence to
Unlock doors in my many layered wall of denial, behind which each
Next growth spurt waited to welcome my smarts to embrace
An endless series of leaps of faith over one aspect after another of
Yesteryear’s unrepressed, primary fear so as to
Open my eyes to see where the real ME has landed, currently
And as long as you choose to ride sidekick while, together
We watch my intelligent brain working, step by step, toward
Healing itself of childhood trauma, one layer of inter-related
Unrepressed anxiety at a time, we come to understand that each time
Another layer of my ego’s persona has been unmasked, that's when
My true self realizes this fact of my life: As imperfect as I may have been
At three years old, this woman, who is a very good person, was
Always a very good, lovable, deeply loved, little girl, as well
I've given myself a very hard time, over my entire life, because
Of a deeply confounded, terrified, three year old child's—misperception
Oy—
Over the years, I made countless decisions, based in my primary fear
Of emotional abandonment
Oy—
Boy oh boy—did I have a lot to learn about the inner me and inner peace!
And so we come to see why Socrates’ message of
Classic wisdom to know thyself ever more deeply
Comes with age to those of us who choose to grow
Ever more self aware of personal need to quest
Within in hopes of deepening our personal understanding of
The human brain’s innately defensive reaction of denial, which
Had served as the shield that protected our connection to
Sanity and personal safety from shattering during
Childhood’s most terrifying experiences ... and not
Until you choose to peel away at your defensive layers of denial will
You, like me, begin to unmask your ego’s persona, which
Denies the conscious portion of your thought processor
The key to unlocking the real you from feeling caged in
With subconscious anger, fear and pain that
Prohibits you from connecting soulfully to inner peace when
Something that’s beyond your fixer’s personal control goes haywire ...
And so, we also come to see that I choose to pen
These insight driven posts not just to relieve
My soulful connection to inner peace of undeserved angst but
Also to offer the retired communication’s instructor within me
A viable outlet to share love and life lessons in creative ways that
Inspire my self confident but unemployed 'fixer' to make sound use of
My self assertive voice by penning posts in hopes of creating
Change for the better throughout the world for as long as
I am blessed with the soulful strength of spirit to embrace
The reality of my advancing age which will not sour
My intuitive powers from guiding my positive attitude toward
Integrating my soulful connection to inner peace with the fact that
I have grown to be an individual whose self worth feels so
Well balanced as to fuel my spirit to feel fully alive for as long as
It's my good fortune to enjoy my imperfectly wonderful life within
The circle of those I love—whose loving words, actions and behaviors are
Well versed in signaling my emotional intelligence as to how
Deeply loved I am—and always have been—in good times and bad ...
Though this is not the first time that my intuition has ever written these insights
Writing over subconscious thought patterns that have been deeply imprinted within
The subconscious portion of my brain for more than seventy years is like
Trying to remove a tattoo, which, in addition to being painful is not
100% successful—on the other hand—I'll continue to write over these
Unrepressed, negatively focused attitudes, concerning the imperfect portions of
My self image if it's the last thing I do ... (A little humor never hurts–in fact
I can't think of a healthier way to end today's post than with words that
Have just inspired my never-give up spirit to light up my eyes with
A smile, signifying that the windows to my soul are open and facing
The future with a newly enhanced understanding of this fact:
The lost sense of inner peace that my conscious awareness has been chasing since
The age of three is truly mine for the taking—and what could feel better than that!
Why did my grandpa, who’d appeared to one and all to be enjoying good health, suddenly disappear?
Why did my sister, who’d appeared to one and all to be enjoying good health, suddenly disappear during her nap, several weeks later?
Why did I, who had felt like the center of my family’s universe for the first three years of my life suddenly feel as if I was falling off a cliff into a dark, scary, bottomless pit where no matter how loudly, I’d ‘asked’ for help (by loudly demanding my grief stricken family’s loving attention), all I received after ‘acting out’ my deeply confounded, personally petrified, stressed out dstress (as terrified thee year olds are wont to react) was deeply stressed frowns and impatiently reactive voices, casting words of condemnation that landed on my head like a ton of bricks—OMG (surmised three year old me), as soon as something bad happens, no one cares about me! I could fall off the edge of our safe little world, and no one would even notice that I was gone. No one's arms are encircling me with heartfelt kindness when I cry for attention that has always been mine since the day I was born! If I don’t want to wander wanly from room to room feeling scared (half to death) and all alone then:
I’d better be good ... for the rest of my life!
So good that I’ll feel valued and loved by people I love
Or better yet, I'll feel loved by everyone in the world!
Wow! That will make me feel safe from loneliness and swift lashes of anger
No wait—good’s not good enough to provide my injured ego with
The personal sense of safety that I’ve lost—in fact
My newfound fear of worthlessness (which developed, over months of unrest) will
Influence my fear of emotional abandonment to over-compensate for good measure
So that rather than just being good, I’ll strive toward perfection in
Every aspect of life, surmising that as long as
My newly adopted persona 'performs' with perfection, no one, who is
Stressed out will have any reason to glare at me from across the room or
Grab me up and spank me soundly, and
With time, that was the subconscious plan cooked up by
My defense system to save the lonely, terrified, deeply injured portion of
My ego from slip sliding even further into that darkly stormy black hole, where
Beginning at that crucial time of early childhood personality development (between
Three and five years old) my fledgling self worth became solidly buried under
An avalanche of self condemnation that continued to layer up, year after year
Why? Because my deeply repressed, subconscious negative attitude and
Consciously lowered expectations of being loved less than I gave love, matched
So now you know how the concepts of personal perfection and personal safety
Got to be hot wired into a crossed wired state somewhere within
My subconscious, where scary secrets, concerning my insecure self image
Felt far too complex and profound for a three year old processor to
Even begin to fathom, much less comprehend, catalyzed
My intuitive quest to gain insight into why
My soul’s connection to inner peace became utterly entangled with
My subconscious fear of any personal imperfection that might
Catalyze a repeat of my feeling miserably left out in the cold to
Fend for myself if anything at all went amiss with any person’s life—
On my watch, and with over compensation acting as my closest ally
My defense system’s basic instinct, which had been
Permanently set to be on call 24/7, was
Autonomically alerted to arouse The Fixer to think up
A fool-proof-fix-it-plan-as-fast-as-possible that would surely
Lead everyone to a place of safety before the terrified little girl, who’d been
Buried alive within a subconscious dungeon at
The highly vulnerable age of three, could crash through
My defensive wall of denial and flatten my persona ... which
My conscious awareness had mistakenly seen as the true ME until
My power of intuition began to offer my conscious connection to
Self awareness a compelling need to dive ever more deeply into
Repressed pockets of my subconscious where scary secrets harbored
My fear of being so imperfect as to have condemned myself guilty of
Being unloved, because I was unlovable until insight after insight was
Gained, making me ever more astutely aware of my life long need to
Muster the courage and humility necessary to
Bulk up my inner strengths in order to ready my intelligence to
Unlock doors in my many layered wall of denial, behind which each
Next growth spurt waited to welcome my smarts to embrace
An endless series of leaps of faith over one aspect after another of
Yesteryear’s unrepressed, primary fear so as to
Open my eyes to see where the real ME has landed, currently
And as long as you choose to ride sidekick while, together
We watch my intelligent brain working, step by step, toward
Healing itself of childhood trauma, one layer of inter-related
Unrepressed anxiety at a time, we come to understand that each time
Another layer of my ego’s persona has been unmasked, that's when
My true self realizes this fact of my life: As imperfect as I may have been
At three years old, this woman, who is a very good person, was
Always a very good, lovable, deeply loved, little girl, as well
I've given myself a very hard time, over my entire life, because
Of a deeply confounded, terrified, three year old child's—misperception
Oy—
Over the years, I made countless decisions, based in my primary fear
Of emotional abandonment
Oy—
Boy oh boy—did I have a lot to learn about the inner me and inner peace!
And so we come to see why Socrates’ message of
Classic wisdom to know thyself ever more deeply
Comes with age to those of us who choose to grow
Ever more self aware of personal need to quest
Within in hopes of deepening our personal understanding of
The human brain’s innately defensive reaction of denial, which
Had served as the shield that protected our connection to
Sanity and personal safety from shattering during
Childhood’s most terrifying experiences ... and not
Until you choose to peel away at your defensive layers of denial will
You, like me, begin to unmask your ego’s persona, which
Denies the conscious portion of your thought processor
The key to unlocking the real you from feeling caged in
With subconscious anger, fear and pain that
Prohibits you from connecting soulfully to inner peace when
Something that’s beyond your fixer’s personal control goes haywire ...
And so, we also come to see that I choose to pen
These insight driven posts not just to relieve
My soulful connection to inner peace of undeserved angst but
Also to offer the retired communication’s instructor within me
A viable outlet to share love and life lessons in creative ways that
Inspire my self confident but unemployed 'fixer' to make sound use of
My self assertive voice by penning posts in hopes of creating
Change for the better throughout the world for as long as
I am blessed with the soulful strength of spirit to embrace
The reality of my advancing age which will not sour
My intuitive powers from guiding my positive attitude toward
Integrating my soulful connection to inner peace with the fact that
I have grown to be an individual whose self worth feels so
Well balanced as to fuel my spirit to feel fully alive for as long as
It's my good fortune to enjoy my imperfectly wonderful life within
The circle of those I love—whose loving words, actions and behaviors are
Well versed in signaling my emotional intelligence as to how
Deeply loved I am—and always have been—in good times and bad ...
Though this is not the first time that my intuition has ever written these insights
Writing over subconscious thought patterns that have been deeply imprinted within
The subconscious portion of my brain for more than seventy years is like
Trying to remove a tattoo, which, in addition to being painful is not
100% successful—on the other hand—I'll continue to write over these
Unrepressed, negatively focused attitudes, concerning the imperfect portions of
My self image if it's the last thing I do ... (A little humor never hurts–in fact
I can't think of a healthier way to end today's post than with words that
Have just inspired my never-give up spirit to light up my eyes with
A smile, signifying that the windows to my soul are open and facing
The future with a newly enhanced understanding of this fact:
The lost sense of inner peace that my conscious awareness has been chasing since
The age of three is truly mine for the taking—and what could feel better than that!
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