For example, what if the 'key' that starts the engine inside your head is nowhere to be found, causing your wheels to feel stuck in a mental rut, which runs so deep as to block common sense from directing the steering wheel to take you where intuitive thought really wants to go ... Or if your brakes fail to stop your trains of thought from crashing, head on, into your own defensive walls then guess whose head is destined to ache with pain until your blocked sense of conscious awareness begins to identify those times when taking a leap of faith depends upon fueling your attitude with positive focus, which infuses your sense of self empowerment with injections of courage, which prove necessary when heartfelt goals that seem beyond your reach are actually yours for the taking once your mind's eye opens to see that the only obstruction stopping your spirit from taking that final leap of faith toward claiming the brass ring is ... Subconscious Guilt, based in childhood's unidentified Fear. Seriously, let's say that during a confounding time of personal crises (when astute decision making depends upon maintaining a consistent balance between emotional reactiveness and common sense), your attitude darkens so much as to blind you from seeing that your fuel tank is running on nothing but negatively focused fumes of fear, while, simultaneously, your radiator overheats and your gasket springs a leak ... Who ya gonna call? Clear-minded, Frustration Busters, of course!
All kidding aside ... perhaps, the reason why intuition directed my conscious mind to listen to each of my children's concerns with an attentive sense of hyper-vigilance (especially at times when I'd observed their frustrations over heating), is because, once they'd taken time out to calm down, I'd brainstorm with them in hopes of encouraging each one to identify fears and unmet needs, which had, most likely, felt too complex for their undeveloped thought processors to understand, much less express with clarity, without insightful help from a loving adult, who had their best interests at heart. Reflection suggests that my attentiveness keyed into my children's unvoiced needs, because my power of intuition, being in kahoots with my subconscious, 'knew' which of my emotional needs were still repressed behind my smile and therefore in need of being consciously addressed by my self awareness. On the other hand, my conscious awareness had not a clue (as of yet) as to why my thought processes ran along a different track than my parents trains of thought, though they'd loved my sister and me as deeply as I love my sons.
In short, I'd chosen to raise my children in an emotional environment, which I'd had need of, myself, at an earlier time when my parents had had no clue of how much of my emotional life had remained repressed, thus unexpressed to anyone during trying times in my young life when self help authors, other than Dr. Benjamin Spock, were, as yet, unpublished. As psychological research, unavailable to laymen in my parents' generation, was within my reach, I, being a teacher of children, held myself accountable for raising my sons, knowledgeably, and as each tidbit of information, which I'd hungrily devoured, had tasted of common sense, my power of intuition challenged my intelligence to—re-raise myself—suggestive of the fact that, unbeknownst to my conscious mind, intuition had begun to direct my sixth sense to seek out self help books, concerning listening and speaking skills until, over time, I began to sense an ever-deepening awareness of mental attentiveness to unmet needs, which, had been gagged and tied into guilt-ridden knots within my subconscious, itching for my private eye to develop the self assertive portion of my voice, which, upon taking a well-studied stance, would surely stand on a soapbox and orate my inner need to save the imprisoned portion of my self assertive voice from languishing, forever, within a self imposed life sentence of silence without so much as an insightful hope of parole. (Thank goodness, I'd chosen to listen astutely when my neighbor invited me to accompany her to parenting classes, which she'd found insightfully helpful, after she listened to me voice my concerns about disciplining my two year old without throwing emotionally reactive tantrums of my own. Thank goodness, my inner voice had made itself known, as we sat, conversing on that park bench, on a day when my attitude felt dark though the sun shone bright in the sky. Thank goodness, one positive change for the better leads to another—little by little ...)
Perhaps, I encouraged my children to develop (and make sound use of) the self assertive portion of their voices, early on, for this reason: My power of intuition 'knew' that somewhere within a subconscious pocket of my memory, fear of frowns had caused the natural development of my self assertive voice to retreat before the vulnerable age of three, and as long as that portion of my voice remained repressed, thus undeveloped, behind my defensive wall of denial, the vulnerable child, imprisoned within, could not ask for help each time a terrifying experience tore into my sense of physical safety, leaving my self respect in shreds ... and as long as that crucial portion of my voice remained silenced and my self respect felt torn away, shred by shred, year after year, all I could do to express the depth of my repressed mental confusion—inner conflict—and emotional distress, concerning my lack of personal safety, was to feel my body itching to send forth SOS signals, during sleepless nights, year in and year out, and though a sweet natured, blue eyed, little girl, who'd itched to get out of her skin, had scratched herself raw, no one suspected that my repressed sense of fear, confusion and fury had caused me to draw blood for this reason: While my body sent nocturnal signals of unvoiced desperation, persistently—by day, I'd smiled, cheerfully, with consistency, and as that contradiction of conflicting emotions persisted throughout my prepubescence, throughout my teen years and deep into my college experience, my itch grew more intense, exponentially, than words can describe—until the marriage bed sanctified that which a young, obedient girl had no conscious memory of having participated in until EMDR therapy offered me the 'key' that awakened my anesthetized awareness to unlock the blocked portion of my memory bank where a series of unmentionable experiences had taken up residence within the haunted portion of my subconscious ... And upon reflecting over that last string of insights, I finally know why my intuition, acting like an experienced jockey, tightening the reins on a powerful steed, has resisted my story teller's readiness to gallop forth from the gate! I mean, for sound reason, my rule of thumb has been: Remain mum and listen up until readiness to run, quick as the wind toward the win, fires the gun!
Perhaps, each emergent string of insights that guides my conscious mind to dive ever more deeply into my past in hopes of freeing the self-assertive (not to be confused with self-ish) stances, which I've grown capable of voicing with clarity, today, demonstrates the acuity of intuitive sensitivity, which must develop before my little voice can reveal strings of insight, which emerge from deep within my mind, signaling my conscious awareness to listen up whenever inner strengths, repressed subconsciously, have mustered the courage of readiness to reveal subconscious 'secrets', which I'd kept from myself. And each time a string of insights (concerning my newfound comprehension of emotional complexity), inspires me to sense that the time is ripe to take another small step toward the ultimate leap of faith that proves necessary to expose another piece of my deeply repressed, broken sense of self to my conscious mind, the portion of my self confidence, which had been severely wounded during childhood, feels a bit more healed than shattered. (Shattered describes how my self image was left to feel in the aftermath of each traumatizing experience, which caused serious injury to my innate sense of self confidence after the extreme reactiveness on the part of a beloved adult or a gang of bullies, whose battering behaviors frightened a child's-belief-in-his or-her-self-worth-half-to-death.) Thank goodness the frightened child I had been grew to adulthood and set out on an intuitive (create-your-own-unconscious-adventure) quest to gather clues in hopes of exposing my deeply repressed need to heal the wounded portion of my psyche from subconscious submission to a lifetime sentence of undeserved guilt, which had displaced peace of mind with anxiety each time the unhealed-portion-of-my-subconscious-fear-of-unworthiness entertained so much as an inkling of a thought about doing anything that might make any loved one frown harshly, angrily, judgmentally, deeming me, seemingly indefensibly, a bad (or worthless) girl—again. WHEW!
Now that I've gained insight into how best to express this haunting, daunting sense of undeserved guilt, which arose, anew, like a ghost-like death sentence from the past, sending shivers of unresolved anxiety down the adult/child's remorseful spine each time independent thought differed from parent tapes (or peer pressures) absorbed, decades ago, today, streams of conscious thought suggest that I had reason to fear frowns before every spirit in my family had been sucked into a bottomless black hole of grief upon the untimely demise of my baby sister, because ...
Volatile emotional battles for dominance (which had taken place within my childhood home before Janet's tragic death), caused my peace of mind to feel anxious, over most of my hyper vigilant life, for this reason: Behind my ready smile, a defensive wall of denial had unknowingly layered up, and behind these layers of denial lurked more than my fear of frowns. Within my own black hole, I'd also harbored fear of electrifying power struggles for dominance, and as fear of family fights disempowered my common sense, I'd submitted to the will of another until a therapist, versed in EMDR therapy, encouraged my adult intelligence to shore up and call forth inner strengths, which emerged, session by session, fortifying my sense of courage to work toward identifying and exorcising the emergent nature of fear-based guilt from its subterranean dungeon, and as intuitive trains of thought began to filter freely through my 'little voice' into my conscious mind, small steps forward led to leaps of faith, which, culminating in epiphany, had shone spotlights of insight upon my life long need to identify deeply repressed, emotional injuries to my psyche (which had left shattered portions of my self esteem festering rawly, subconsciously). And ever since my mental block against my true self worth unlocked, trickles of deeper truth have been offering me reason to resuscitate my self-assertive voice (suggestive of my ability to clearly express emotional revelations, first by way of penning intuitive streams of consciousness, then by voicing my little voice's awareness of personal growth, aloud, and what, I ask, could feel more profoundly self-healing than this train of intuitive thought, concerning my growing ability to retrieve a lost sense of balance, which precedes my having retrieved the sense of inner peace to which you play witness, today. Double WHEW!
At this moment, clarity suggests that intuition inspired my conscious mind to attend those parenting classes, which encouraged me to read a library of books, concerning raising my trio of sons in such a positively focused, open minded manner as to invite each one to place a high value upon working to heal injured parts of their psyches more readily than is true of most of the human species, which, generally, walks through each stage of life blind to mental blocks that conceal raw wounds, festering within subconscious pockets of our minds, and as mental blocks divide our minds into two warring parts, inner conflicts erupt, which is why peace of mind gives way to anxiety whenever thoughts, concerning gratifying personal needs, which do not agree with parental tapes (or bullying points of view), arouse childhood fears to haunt our sense of well being, today, and not until we rewind our memories in order to play back specific moments in time when a beloved parent's misbehavior 'declared' us unworthy of love or a bully's taunts declared us worthless, can we stop spinning our wheels in ruts made of undeserved guilt, which muddy up our sense of clarity, concerning our need to strengthen our adult connection to common sense when brainstorming toward open-minded, positively focused decisions proves necessary, today. Double WHEW!
Once intuitive thought enlightens my conscious mind as to where to start the next story, which I yearn to write, my storyteller/jockey will loosen its grip on the reins, at which time my fingers are sure to fly freely all over my keyboard, and all you'll need do to see my crate-your-own-adventure into parenting unfold, is to focus attentively on pictures, drawn with words, which will appear, first on my screen and then on yours ...
The question my conscious mind is blocked from answering, as of yet, is: When might that be?
Perhaps, the story won't unfold, naturally, until insights, which continue to flow through my Tunnel of Readiness, have cleared away stumbling rocks, which may be damming up my conscious story-telling stream of thought, for example: Do you know why a child's contradicting personality traits are formed by the age of five?
By the age of five, each child has experienced the confounding nature of observing, mimicking and absorbing emotional reactiveness, emoting from adult temper tantrums (some warranted, some not), which arouse the startle reflex inherent within the nervous system of every newborn babe. Or perhaps, during differences of opinion, the child watches communications grow confoundingly complex if one parent, who has learned that he, who yells loudest, longest wins, keeps bellowing for dominance while the other, who has learned to clam up, defensively—stone walls. Then, if, with the passage of time, a dark experience offers the confounded child's startle reflex reason to feel fearfully shocked into a suspended mode of emotional repression, everyone will come to expect this eager-to-please child's 'mask' of perfection as being real, through and through, when, deeper truth suggests that repressed, unresolved fear of unworthiness blocks this child's awareness from emoting whatever she or he really feels while a sibling, who did not experience need to 'act' perfect may feel free to wear natural frowns upon his or her face, and with time, the emotional patterns (habits) of each sibling may feel as though character traits (seen as positive and negative) absorbed by one or the other, are now and forever set in stone ... However, stone crumbles when emotional tornados blow defensive walls down. And, speaking from experience, everyone is shocked when a person's persona unmasks, freeing multi-dimensional traits, inclusive of subconscious vulnerabilities and repressed inner strengths, to fly clearly into sight. Therefore, in the aftermath of an emotional tornado, tis wise to seek the knowledge that proves necessary to observe where shattered pieces of each person's puzzle may have fallen, for this reason: Once we muster the intelligence and patience to figure out how to piece together unexpected emotional reactions, a multi-layered, bigger picture will be assembled, which conscious awareness had never thought to see clearly in 3D, before, and as we come to see that this reassembly of unexpected reactions fall in line with each person's history, intuitive streams of conscious thought ignite bursts of insight, which brightens the mind's ability to absorb the first glimpse of a series of positively focused plans of action, each of which hopes to create a series of well-balanced, lasting changes for the better, which the little voice of sixth sense has been trying to free from remaining subconsciously blocked from conscious awareness ever since adult tantrums or a gang of bullies tore away at portions of a sweet natured person's self esteem so early in life as to have created need for the child to grow up to create a detective within his or her sense of self ...
And thus, am I here to say: Old dogs can learn new tricks, because our traits, attitudes and thinking patterns are not set in stone. And though leopards can't grow new spots, we are not leopards. We are people, able to create plans of action by making good use of our neo Cortex, which a leopard's brain does not have.
Time and again, I've shown you that, when the thought processor of the human brain is in its natural, peaceful state of mind, intuitive trains of thought are capable of firing off the bright light of insight, which inspires layers of defensive walls to melt down, one by one, thus expanding brain space to welcome and absorb open minded, change for the better, based in positive focus holding hands with patience and common sense with a growing sense of consistency ...
Can you name the opposite of growth?
Stagnancy leading to shrinkage
Once, when my dad, in his eighties, said: I'm too old to change ...
My mom, who was a year older, replied: Well, I'm not dead, yet!
Nuff food for thought, for today?
Not a chance, as long as intuitive thought is on a roll ...
Perhaps a small child, condemned to feeling extremely guilty, undeservedly, will grow up, turn a corner and bump into Socrates, whose spirit swooshes down, here and there, pointing the finger of fate at certain folks who, for reasons, as yet unknown, harbor an intuitive need (as is true of one and all) to learn to work to heal themselves from emotional injury incurred during childhood ... And perhaps, in addition to the fickle finger of fate, intuition directs we fingered folk to grow up to be teachers, psychologists or psychiatrists, fated to encourage others to quest toward healing themselves, as well ... Or perhaps Socrates whispers words of wisdom into every ear, but some have had reason to grow more sensitive to tuning in to their intuitive trains of thought (little voice) early on while others have experienced reason to erect defensive walls made up of so many layers as to turn a deaf ear, perhaps, forever ... So sad but true ...
I guess, before my story feels ready to unfold, naturally, intuitive thought is suggestive of my need to quest more deeply for insight (into I know not what—as of yet) by asking questions, which emerge, like this one that just flew out of my mind: I wonder if you've considered which attitudes best fit your own (not as you were when you were young, but as your traits seem to have 'solidified', today)?
Do your attitudes remain defensively, judgmentally closed minded or are you fertilizing attitudes, which prove positively focused and younger than springtime by welcoming view points that challenge your conscious awareness to brainstorm toward creating change for the better, as in: If at first you don't succeed at achieving a heartfelt goal—try, try again ...
At times when life's complexities spin our brains, round and round
All we need do to stop spinning, dizzily, in a cyclical rut
Is to brainstorm with a positive focused attitude until
A plan that didn't come together, at first ... does, second time around!
And if you ask: Annie, what is our just reward for
Infusing our minds with the mantra
Never Give Up Growing Toward Realizing A Heartfelt Goal, I'd reply:
Those who Never Give Up Working To Realize A Heartfelt Goal
Feel our spirits glowing with
The sweet, sparkling smile of success
So, rather than shrugging your shoulders and giving up
Intelligence suggests tis wiser, by far, to infuse
Your wonderland plan with common sense, born of experience
And once positively focused adjustments have been made
Hearts, which feel younger than springtime—Try, try, again
PS
If positive focus was easily won
We'd not see a plethora of self help books
Concerning our need to gain insight into that subject, flying off the shelves ...
Once the benefits of identifying the source of your fear-based negativity offers
Your intelligence reason to make lasting adjustments to your original attitude
Your conscious awareness will open your eyes to a closed mindset
(Mental block) in need of opening, thus freeing your creativity to
Chew on, swallow, digest and absorb bite sized portions of strings of insight, which
Offer your sense of logic reason to feast on a brand new, expansive view of
Positively focused insights, concerning your history, as never before, and
Resultant of this natural progression toward lasting-attitude-change
The restless state of your mental, emotional and physical health will
Feel immeasurably blessed with your brain's new found, open-minded ability to
Balance a sense of inner peace with on-going strife, which remains
Beyond your newly self disciplined sense of emotional control, and each time
A change for the better in your attitude has consciously worked to penetrate
Yet another layer of your hot-headed or stone-walling defensive wall of denial
Your heightened sense of awareness will freely embrace and enjoy
A relaxed state of peaceful repose, which nurtures your spirit to feel
Younger than springtime, as does mine
And Amen to a positively focused train of thought as personally enriching as that!
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