I knew about speaking and listening skills
I knew about deepening objective reflection
I knew about hindsight, opening my eyes to insight, which taps into foresight
I knew about misguided goals of misbehavior
I knew about resolving complex problems by conjuring up simple plans of action, which offered peace of mind by resolving conflicts in such a peaceable manner as to have considered everyone's needs.
What I did not consciously know was how, over time, the skill set, listed above, began to blend, offering the contradictive parts of my brain countless opportunities to interact as a well-balanced whole ... Like an automobile that needs an accelerator and steering wheel to get you where you want to go, and brakes and airbags for safety sake ... However you don't want subconscious fears to control the breaks any more than you want the airbag to employ unless you are actually in danger of losing your life.
You see, all those years ago ...
I knew very little about intuitive thought
I knew very little about deeper truth preceding foresight
I knew very little about subconscious fear blinding my conscious mind to logical thought
I knew very little about subconscious fear engaging with denial's defense mechanisms
I knew very little about intuitive thought tapping into insight, which precedes foresight
I knew very little about tunneling intuitively so as to identify subconscious fear
I knew very little about how often inner conflict led to self defeat
I knew very little about organizing my brain to function as a well balanced whole
As I knew very little about all of that, I had a lot to learn ...
The problem was ... I didn't know what I didn't know ...
In order to know what I didn't know but needed to know, I had to seek help to consciously identify closed mindsets, which were in need of a gentle friend, who encouraged my brain to turn into a sponge, thirsty to soak up new information, which coaxed my think tank to uncover subconscious mindsets, which (having been based in fear of emotional abandonment, carried forth, unknowingly, since childhood) limited my choices by focusing my attention solely on safety, and here's why closed mindsets, which focus solely on safety are in need of change for the better : As long as subconscious fears festered behind layers of denial, my intelligence remained blocked from knowing how to free my innermost self to communicate with my conscious self. And if I could not communicate clearly with myself, I could not be true to myself. And if I could not be true to myself, how could I be true to anyone else? And not until I could tap into intuition, which offered me insight, which brightened my closed mindset to see the truth, concerning fears I'd denied as my own, could my intelligence begin to resolve inner conflict, thus allowing all of me to move forward with a plan of action that had considered this fact: My loved ones needs do not necessarily match mine. And if I have needs, which differ from the needs of a loved one then denying the existence of my unmet needs is not as smart as I'd originally believed.
Though I knew that emotion and logic were opposites, I had no clue that rather than clashing, they had need to blend (as if seasoning my decision-making process with salt and pepper, spiciness and a sweetened sense of self control) in order to flavor my life with the kind of love that runs so deep as to direct my unmet needs to unearth the main root of an apprehensive attitude, based in undeserved guilt (which your subconscious may still be carrying forward), ever since an adult made me feel unworthy of love when I was a child.
While teaching others about loving less defensively, I did not know that subconsciously, I did not feel worthy of love since Janet's death had shrouded my parents' spirits in grief so dark as to have depressed their emotional attentiveness to me.
While teaching others, I did not know the importance of pinpointing undeserved guilt, lurking darkly within my subconscious, which created apprehensive attitudes that narrowed my comfort zone, limited my choices and silenced the assertive portion of my voice, thus making me appear to be more agreeable than I'd felt, deep inside, behind my cheerful smile. Over time, that unprocessed pattern of apprehensive behavior saw me develop into a pleaser extraordinaire ...
While raising my kids, life was so hectic that little time felt free for mental contemplation, so reflection suggests that I was fortunate to have made time to learn, practice and make good use of speaking and listening skills, early in my adult life.
Thank goodness, during recent decades, intuitive intelligence felt compelled to seek out knowledgable leaders who continue to inspire me to keep my eye on the ball by retraining my brain patterns to focus more deeply on self awareness (rather than self-consciousness) with such a sense of assertive steadiness as to ready my think tank to respond rationally when someone pitches me an explosive reaction, which in years past, would have blown my sense of safety and logic to kingdom come.
Thank goodness, bigger pictures clarify for me more quickly, today, because my conscious mind has become well practiced at concentrating on details while others are reacting like chickens without heads ... How is this possible? Well ... Thank goodness my Line of Control has teamed up with listening so intently as to insure that upon responding to emotional outbursts, clarity is mine, suggesting that when it's my turn to speak, my sense of logic, self trust and mutual respect remain so on target as to place a reactive state of defensive dizziness in time out while I'm listening to another person's defensive rants, and thus, when it's my turn to open my mouth, the truth of my words are able to calm another person's reactiveness by reciting facts or memories or insightful awarenesses that my opponent may have forgotten in the heat of the moment or, perhaps, had never thought to consider ...
Just as few batters master the feat of hitting a 90 mile an hour pitch out of the ball park, the same is true of consciously steadying my emotional reactiveness by training my brain to focus on logic when an emotional tornado might otherwise smash my sense of self respectful composure to bits.
Today, my attentiveness to personal growth (which develops in infinitesimal steps) continues to train each portion of my brain to work together in similar fashion to a positively focused, well-seasoned team of high spirited, self confident players, who, over time, have come to trust each other's unique skills to grow ever more precise at pitching, hitting and fielding as each feels self empowered to grow ever more mindful of the step by step process that creates change for the better, on a daily basis. And just like The Babe, my comfort zone, concerning attentiveness, continues to focus my intelligence and sense of mutual respect on benching my apprehensive attitudes so that no matter how lightening quick or back handed the pitch, my practiced sense of readiness to respond with love and common sense intact offers me the courage to keep my eye trained on swinging for the fences regardless of what I may receive in return. So hopefully, with that example in mind, you can see why balancing love (emotion) with common sense (logic) has, over time, become second nature to me.
Aha! Insight has just spotlighted the reason why my storyteller has not shown up for quite a while: During these past couple of years, my intelligence felt challenged to focus upon assembling puzzling pieces in order to showcase thought processes that empower my conscious awareness to tap into intuitive thought, where insight, based in hindsight, offers me the foresight to make well balanced decisions, by blending emotion with logic in such a positively focused manner as to tap into creativity, which partners with intelligence to create plans of action that make such good use of common sense as to encourage my spirit to muster the courage to identify closed mind sets that have remained stuck in negatively focused ruts of my own making due to the fact that mental complexity, emotional confusion and growing apprehension had exacerbated my sense of inner conflict to such an extent that fear blocked my view of choices that would offer my spirit the gift of freedom to meet my existential (highly personal) needs without stepping on anyone's toes ...
BTW ... if you think my brain is functioning with crystal clear clarity, right now, please think again, because a raw state of intuitive thought has taken over my think tank, suggesting that the greater part of the last two paragraphs of this post have been writing themselves, pointing to the fact that clarity will not be mine till the conscious portion of my mind has been consulted, so here is the only thought that I feel certain of at this moment in time: Editing will most likely prove necessary before clarity can be more thoroughly absorbed. However, my comfort zone is ok with today's sense of confusion, because I know that the strength of my connection to personal growth will motivate my think tank to continue to process these thoughts, more thoroughly, over night.
As my powers of patience continue to strengthen, day by day, my intelligence feels challenged to simplify mental complexity, which is why I do not fluster as easily as had once been true of my reactiveness, because my self confidence, based in past success, feels capable of working through mental confusion (without defensiveness running interference) until a plan, blending hindsight, insight and foresight, arises within my mind so naturally that suddenly my conscious mind sees its way clear to satisfying an unmet need, if not today, then sometime later, as change for the better continues to unfold. And having trained my brain to maintain a positively focused sense of patience, so that creative thinking does not tense up, my eye remains on the ball at those times when a heartfelt goal, which nourishes my spirit's need to thrive, remains beyond my reach.
Though personal growth extends my reach toward attaining certain goals, other goals require a team effort, And when that proves true, we say ... two heads are better than one.
And with that insight into deeper truth flying freely at the top of my flagpole, watch my brain consciously switch from intuitive thought to relaxing as a whole while I consciously slip my toes into my lucky socks, because it's time to ready myself to go to the game ... (If you've not yet seen CONCUSSION, this film is worth your time, most especially if your kids are intent on playing football. Upon leaving the theater after viewing the film with Barry, my eldest son, who captained his high school team, said he had been convinced not to let Tony and Ray play Pop Warner. And being that all three of my sons are football fanatics, as is their father, that's saying a lot about knowledge signaling intelligence to open a closed mindset on the spot!)
As I knew very little about all of that, I had a lot to learn ...
The problem was ... I didn't know what I didn't know ...
In order to know what I didn't know but needed to know, I had to seek help to consciously identify closed mindsets, which were in need of a gentle friend, who encouraged my brain to turn into a sponge, thirsty to soak up new information, which coaxed my think tank to uncover subconscious mindsets, which (having been based in fear of emotional abandonment, carried forth, unknowingly, since childhood) limited my choices by focusing my attention solely on safety, and here's why closed mindsets, which focus solely on safety are in need of change for the better : As long as subconscious fears festered behind layers of denial, my intelligence remained blocked from knowing how to free my innermost self to communicate with my conscious self. And if I could not communicate clearly with myself, I could not be true to myself. And if I could not be true to myself, how could I be true to anyone else? And not until I could tap into intuition, which offered me insight, which brightened my closed mindset to see the truth, concerning fears I'd denied as my own, could my intelligence begin to resolve inner conflict, thus allowing all of me to move forward with a plan of action that had considered this fact: My loved ones needs do not necessarily match mine. And if I have needs, which differ from the needs of a loved one then denying the existence of my unmet needs is not as smart as I'd originally believed.
Though I knew that emotion and logic were opposites, I had no clue that rather than clashing, they had need to blend (as if seasoning my decision-making process with salt and pepper, spiciness and a sweetened sense of self control) in order to flavor my life with the kind of love that runs so deep as to direct my unmet needs to unearth the main root of an apprehensive attitude, based in undeserved guilt (which your subconscious may still be carrying forward), ever since an adult made me feel unworthy of love when I was a child.
While teaching others about loving less defensively, I did not know that subconsciously, I did not feel worthy of love since Janet's death had shrouded my parents' spirits in grief so dark as to have depressed their emotional attentiveness to me.
While teaching others, I did not know the importance of pinpointing undeserved guilt, lurking darkly within my subconscious, which created apprehensive attitudes that narrowed my comfort zone, limited my choices and silenced the assertive portion of my voice, thus making me appear to be more agreeable than I'd felt, deep inside, behind my cheerful smile. Over time, that unprocessed pattern of apprehensive behavior saw me develop into a pleaser extraordinaire ...
While raising my kids, life was so hectic that little time felt free for mental contemplation, so reflection suggests that I was fortunate to have made time to learn, practice and make good use of speaking and listening skills, early in my adult life.
Thank goodness, during recent decades, intuitive intelligence felt compelled to seek out knowledgable leaders who continue to inspire me to keep my eye on the ball by retraining my brain patterns to focus more deeply on self awareness (rather than self-consciousness) with such a sense of assertive steadiness as to ready my think tank to respond rationally when someone pitches me an explosive reaction, which in years past, would have blown my sense of safety and logic to kingdom come.
Thank goodness, bigger pictures clarify for me more quickly, today, because my conscious mind has become well practiced at concentrating on details while others are reacting like chickens without heads ... How is this possible? Well ... Thank goodness my Line of Control has teamed up with listening so intently as to insure that upon responding to emotional outbursts, clarity is mine, suggesting that when it's my turn to speak, my sense of logic, self trust and mutual respect remain so on target as to place a reactive state of defensive dizziness in time out while I'm listening to another person's defensive rants, and thus, when it's my turn to open my mouth, the truth of my words are able to calm another person's reactiveness by reciting facts or memories or insightful awarenesses that my opponent may have forgotten in the heat of the moment or, perhaps, had never thought to consider ...
Just as few batters master the feat of hitting a 90 mile an hour pitch out of the ball park, the same is true of consciously steadying my emotional reactiveness by training my brain to focus on logic when an emotional tornado might otherwise smash my sense of self respectful composure to bits.
Today, my attentiveness to personal growth (which develops in infinitesimal steps) continues to train each portion of my brain to work together in similar fashion to a positively focused, well-seasoned team of high spirited, self confident players, who, over time, have come to trust each other's unique skills to grow ever more precise at pitching, hitting and fielding as each feels self empowered to grow ever more mindful of the step by step process that creates change for the better, on a daily basis. And just like The Babe, my comfort zone, concerning attentiveness, continues to focus my intelligence and sense of mutual respect on benching my apprehensive attitudes so that no matter how lightening quick or back handed the pitch, my practiced sense of readiness to respond with love and common sense intact offers me the courage to keep my eye trained on swinging for the fences regardless of what I may receive in return. So hopefully, with that example in mind, you can see why balancing love (emotion) with common sense (logic) has, over time, become second nature to me.
Aha! Insight has just spotlighted the reason why my storyteller has not shown up for quite a while: During these past couple of years, my intelligence felt challenged to focus upon assembling puzzling pieces in order to showcase thought processes that empower my conscious awareness to tap into intuitive thought, where insight, based in hindsight, offers me the foresight to make well balanced decisions, by blending emotion with logic in such a positively focused manner as to tap into creativity, which partners with intelligence to create plans of action that make such good use of common sense as to encourage my spirit to muster the courage to identify closed mind sets that have remained stuck in negatively focused ruts of my own making due to the fact that mental complexity, emotional confusion and growing apprehension had exacerbated my sense of inner conflict to such an extent that fear blocked my view of choices that would offer my spirit the gift of freedom to meet my existential (highly personal) needs without stepping on anyone's toes ...
BTW ... if you think my brain is functioning with crystal clear clarity, right now, please think again, because a raw state of intuitive thought has taken over my think tank, suggesting that the greater part of the last two paragraphs of this post have been writing themselves, pointing to the fact that clarity will not be mine till the conscious portion of my mind has been consulted, so here is the only thought that I feel certain of at this moment in time: Editing will most likely prove necessary before clarity can be more thoroughly absorbed. However, my comfort zone is ok with today's sense of confusion, because I know that the strength of my connection to personal growth will motivate my think tank to continue to process these thoughts, more thoroughly, over night.
As my powers of patience continue to strengthen, day by day, my intelligence feels challenged to simplify mental complexity, which is why I do not fluster as easily as had once been true of my reactiveness, because my self confidence, based in past success, feels capable of working through mental confusion (without defensiveness running interference) until a plan, blending hindsight, insight and foresight, arises within my mind so naturally that suddenly my conscious mind sees its way clear to satisfying an unmet need, if not today, then sometime later, as change for the better continues to unfold. And having trained my brain to maintain a positively focused sense of patience, so that creative thinking does not tense up, my eye remains on the ball at those times when a heartfelt goal, which nourishes my spirit's need to thrive, remains beyond my reach.
Though personal growth extends my reach toward attaining certain goals, other goals require a team effort, And when that proves true, we say ... two heads are better than one.
And with that insight into deeper truth flying freely at the top of my flagpole, watch my brain consciously switch from intuitive thought to relaxing as a whole while I consciously slip my toes into my lucky socks, because it's time to ready myself to go to the game ... (If you've not yet seen CONCUSSION, this film is worth your time, most especially if your kids are intent on playing football. Upon leaving the theater after viewing the film with Barry, my eldest son, who captained his high school team, said he had been convinced not to let Tony and Ray play Pop Warner. And being that all three of my sons are football fanatics, as is their father, that's saying a lot about knowledge signaling intelligence to open a closed mindset on the spot!)
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