At last!
I awoke with a serious train of thought cycling through my mind, and
If you ask me to express that thought, here's what I'd reply:
I've gained insight into the fact that, over my lifetime
My subconscious has harbored an
Unidentified feeling of wrong doing, left over from early childhood, which
Has caused my spirit to bow in subservience to certain people, whose
Presence has had the power to manipulate many of my decisions, which
I'd mistakenly believed to have been my very own
If you ask me to name these people, I'll reference discretion and
Respectfully decline for this reason:
I believe that naming those who'd employed mind manipulation to
Bully me into submitting to their will may worsen relationships, which
Still mean the world to me, and as gaining insight into
Improving relationships is what I'm about
My new found sense of clarity has made me aware of how often
A person's sense of security may depend upon agreement, suggesting that
When voicing a difference of opinion, red flags of defensiveness may erupt, and
Once attitudes are colored by defensive reactivity, which
A person's sense of security may depend upon agreement, suggesting that
When voicing a difference of opinion, red flags of defensiveness may erupt, and
Once attitudes are colored by defensive reactivity, which
Electrify the emotional environment with negativity, provoked by anxiety
The discussion at hand tends to focus away from harmonic resolution toward
Striking out with disparaging comments, which
The discussion at hand tends to focus away from harmonic resolution toward
Striking out with disparaging comments, which
Put dissenting opinions down ... And recently, I've come to see
How disparagement can prove so subtle as to have
How disparagement can prove so subtle as to have
Addled my brain just enough to silence my voice. ... And
If you ask why I'd retreat into myself when feeling put down
I'll remind you of this fact:
Ever since tragedy hit our home when I was three
I'd harbored a subconscious need to be as good as good can be by
Mothering everyone I'd loved ... Sooo
It makes sense that if I'd said or done anything to
Invoke another person's displeasure, a sudden bout of anxiety
If you ask why I'd retreat into myself when feeling put down
I'll remind you of this fact:
Ever since tragedy hit our home when I was three
I'd harbored a subconscious need to be as good as good can be by
Mothering everyone I'd loved ... Sooo
It makes sense that if I'd said or done anything to
Invoke another person's displeasure, a sudden bout of anxiety
Would make my vulnerability fair game for
Brow-beating bullying, which proved so slyly insinuating that
That which had been said might seem harmless to casual observers, but
Each time I'd felt blindsided by remarks that desparaged my character
My powers of intuition 'knew' that something was 'off'; however
Pinpointing whatever that something was escaped my conscious awareness until
I came to see why certain relationships, which had been harmonic in nature
Proved weighted in favor of serving the other person's needs
And if you asked me to pinpoint why I was so easily intimated and
Each time I'd felt blindsided by remarks that desparaged my character
My powers of intuition 'knew' that something was 'off'; however
Pinpointing whatever that something was escaped my conscious awareness until
I came to see why certain relationships, which had been harmonic in nature
Proved weighted in favor of serving the other person's needs
And if you asked me to pinpoint why I was so easily intimated and
Manipulated so as to serve the needs of others in favor of my own, I'd reply:
As long as I'd unknowingly bullied myself with subconscious guilt
In the aftermath of my baby sister's unexpected death
I'd be an easy target for this reason:
As long as feelings of undeserved guilt remained buried deep inside
I'd unknowingly put myself down, suggesting that
A portion of my mind agreed with the opinion of he or she, who proved to be
A putdown artist, extraordinaire—and the fact that part of me felt guilty while
Intuition suggested my being innocent of wrong doing, created
Inner conflict, which caused anxiety to disturb my peace of mind
Thank goodness, during recent years, strings of insight
As long as I'd unknowingly bullied myself with subconscious guilt
In the aftermath of my baby sister's unexpected death
I'd be an easy target for this reason:
As long as feelings of undeserved guilt remained buried deep inside
I'd unknowingly put myself down, suggesting that
A portion of my mind agreed with the opinion of he or she, who proved to be
A putdown artist, extraordinaire—and the fact that part of me felt guilty while
Intuition suggested my being innocent of wrong doing, created
Inner conflict, which caused anxiety to disturb my peace of mind
Thank goodness, during recent years, strings of insight
Like those I've penned, today, sparked a series of epiphanies, which
Shone spotlights on mysterious mind games that controlled
My decision-making process more often than I was aware
Over time, it came clear that my anxious reaction in the aftermath of
Disagreeing with a loved one's opinion, was actually caused by
That person's displeasure with my ability to
Cut through the bull shavings in order to identify deeper truths, which
Denial denies each time the truth hurts too much to confront, and
Over time, our defense systems bury as many facts as necessary to anesthetize pain—
Shone spotlights on mysterious mind games that controlled
My decision-making process more often than I was aware
Over time, it came clear that my anxious reaction in the aftermath of
Disagreeing with a loved one's opinion, was actually caused by
That person's displeasure with my ability to
Cut through the bull shavings in order to identify deeper truths, which
Denial denies each time the truth hurts too much to confront, and
Over time, our defense systems bury as many facts as necessary to anesthetize pain—
In truth, the frightened three year old child, lurking within, would stir up
Sudden stabs of anxiety due to my feeling guilty of
Wrong doing, deep inside, and if you ask why
Subconscious anxiety sliced my unmet needs into mincemeat, I'd reply:
I believed myself so inconsequential as to be easily abandoned by those I loved
And thus, unbeknownst to my conscious mind, my greatest subconscious need
Had been to repair whatever ailed my family, and in this way did I hope to
Ensure the element of harmonic stability amongst one and all ... and as long as
My need to fix everyone and everything remained subconscious in nature
I'd no conscious clue as to how often my primary need to
Ensure peace within the family caused me to
Dismiss heartfelt needs, which had been my own ...
Upon time spent in reflection, I came to see that I'd felt guilty of being selfish, when
Deeper truth proved the opposite true ...
And so, today, having gained insight into where my sense of clarity had been off
I no longer unknowingly put myself down or cowtow to subconscious guilt, which
Though undeserved, had managed to bully many of my decisions until
Strings of insight made me aware of how often my adult emotional reactions, had been
Directed by the frightened child within, who'd
Thought to have 'failed' my loved ones, early on
As my quest into self discovery opened my eyes to see how often
This guilt-ridden child had redirected my decisions, I now feel grateful for this fact:
Presently, the intuitive, self respecting adult, whom I've grown to be
Makes good use of her voice by standing up to those who had once
Intimated me, and now that today's string of insights feels like a wrap
Here's what my stream of consciousness has been leading me to convey:
When you are amidst family or friends, may I respectfully suggest that
You take a moment to direct your sight at each loved one, separately, to see if
Your mind, working as a whole, can pinpoint a person (or people) in the group
Whose presence is still empowered to rouse your anxiety or
Silence your voice due to subconscious guilt that
You've carried forth, undeservedly, and unknowingly, to this very day ...
If you ask why I'm suggesting that you conduct this experiment, I'd reply:
This simple plan may inspire you to discover the power that
A loved one's will has wielded over
Your spirit's sense of free choice, throughout your life
And as insight into where you've abdicated your power to another dawns on you
Your choices, which prove existential, and thus highly personal
May begin to expand, as naturally as has proven true of mine
On the other hand, that kind of change for the better can only come true once
You come to recognize those times when spikes of anxiety are caused by
Undeserved guilt, awakening a darkened view of yourself that proves untrue of
The person, whom you've matured into, today, and thus
Whenever you have reason to reconsider
The truth of your personal, heartfelt unmet needs, today
Perhaps you'll choose to empower yourself, as have I, in this courageous way:
Presently, I listen, patiently, openly and with an attitude of humility to
Everything everyone has need to say, and then when all the listening is done
I empower only three people to brainstorm while finalizing decisions concerning
Meeting needs, which prove to be mine, and as I have no qualms about
Pinpointing that trilogy of deeply thoughtful individuals, publicly, here they are:
ME, MYSELF and I!
Oh! Much to my delight, Steven just called, hoping that
I'd jump at the chance of taking care of Ravi for a couple of hours
And as it's hard to write and jump for joy, simultaneously
I'd like to end today's post with one last morsel of food for thought:
At times, while considering words of wisdom passed from one generation to the next
We find ourselves in awe of that which floats out of the mouths of babes—
At other times we say a picture is worth a thousand words, suggesting
That all we need do to convey what's on our minds is strike a pose—
Sudden stabs of anxiety due to my feeling guilty of
Wrong doing, deep inside, and if you ask why
Subconscious anxiety sliced my unmet needs into mincemeat, I'd reply:
I believed myself so inconsequential as to be easily abandoned by those I loved
And thus, unbeknownst to my conscious mind, my greatest subconscious need
Had been to repair whatever ailed my family, and in this way did I hope to
Ensure the element of harmonic stability amongst one and all ... and as long as
My need to fix everyone and everything remained subconscious in nature
I'd no conscious clue as to how often my primary need to
Ensure peace within the family caused me to
Dismiss heartfelt needs, which had been my own ...
Upon time spent in reflection, I came to see that I'd felt guilty of being selfish, when
Deeper truth proved the opposite true ...
And so, today, having gained insight into where my sense of clarity had been off
I no longer unknowingly put myself down or cowtow to subconscious guilt, which
Though undeserved, had managed to bully many of my decisions until
Strings of insight made me aware of how often my adult emotional reactions, had been
Directed by the frightened child within, who'd
Thought to have 'failed' my loved ones, early on
As my quest into self discovery opened my eyes to see how often
This guilt-ridden child had redirected my decisions, I now feel grateful for this fact:
Presently, the intuitive, self respecting adult, whom I've grown to be
Makes good use of her voice by standing up to those who had once
Intimated me, and now that today's string of insights feels like a wrap
Here's what my stream of consciousness has been leading me to convey:
When you are amidst family or friends, may I respectfully suggest that
You take a moment to direct your sight at each loved one, separately, to see if
Your mind, working as a whole, can pinpoint a person (or people) in the group
Whose presence is still empowered to rouse your anxiety or
Silence your voice due to subconscious guilt that
You've carried forth, undeservedly, and unknowingly, to this very day ...
If you ask why I'm suggesting that you conduct this experiment, I'd reply:
This simple plan may inspire you to discover the power that
A loved one's will has wielded over
Your spirit's sense of free choice, throughout your life
And as insight into where you've abdicated your power to another dawns on you
Your choices, which prove existential, and thus highly personal
May begin to expand, as naturally as has proven true of mine
On the other hand, that kind of change for the better can only come true once
You come to recognize those times when spikes of anxiety are caused by
Undeserved guilt, awakening a darkened view of yourself that proves untrue of
The person, whom you've matured into, today, and thus
Whenever you have reason to reconsider
The truth of your personal, heartfelt unmet needs, today
Perhaps you'll choose to empower yourself, as have I, in this courageous way:
Presently, I listen, patiently, openly and with an attitude of humility to
Everything everyone has need to say, and then when all the listening is done
I empower only three people to brainstorm while finalizing decisions concerning
Meeting needs, which prove to be mine, and as I have no qualms about
Pinpointing that trilogy of deeply thoughtful individuals, publicly, here they are:
ME, MYSELF and I!
Oh! Much to my delight, Steven just called, hoping that
I'd jump at the chance of taking care of Ravi for a couple of hours
And as it's hard to write and jump for joy, simultaneously
I'd like to end today's post with one last morsel of food for thought:
At times, while considering words of wisdom passed from one generation to the next
We find ourselves in awe of that which floats out of the mouths of babes—
At other times we say a picture is worth a thousand words, suggesting
That all we need do to convey what's on our minds is strike a pose—
You're not the boss of me!
And that's the truth!
Recently, Celina and Steven wore tee shirts, which match Ravi's, to our house
Except that their tee shirts say:
I'M SO TIRED!
I just couldn't resist this funny trio of shirts
And when our kids opened the box
We all enjoyed a good laugh—because
We laugh at the truth—and
We who learn to laugh at ourselves laugh best! :)
We laugh at the truth—and
We who learn to laugh at ourselves laugh best! :)
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