629 ANNIE BECOMES MOM OF TWO Chapter 6 WILD THING: :)

First off—before I relate the next toilet training experiment, which thankfully, leads mother and child toward success, it seems wise to introduce my wild thing to you.  It also seems wise not to suggest what may come next so as not to mix you up when my mind switches tracks—which, admittedly, occurs frequently. :)

Take the last several posts, for example.  First I felt ready to relate high school stories.  Next I’d thought to draw colorful pictures of family life depicting natural consequences incurred during my strike, which took place after the wild thing inside me had been trained to role model solution-seeking behaviors for my children.  Then my thought process shifted gears, zooming back at least a decade to a time when my wild thing had clamored for total control over two high spirited, independent little minds (Ha!).  And so, begging your pardon for spinning your head, this way and that, this seems like the right time to focus your awareness upon an insight that inspires my ego to bow to humility when common sense deems switching tracks wise:

My first thought's not always my best thought ... it's just ... my first thought.

You see, just as with my first toilet training tale ... sometimes my first thought proves to be an experiment that blows up in my face. :)

So—at those times when my wild thing is about to erupt, signaling its need to escape from its hide out deep inside a pocket of my mind (blood pounding, brows lowering, eyes flashing, throat choking, teeth clenching, tummy tightening)—I find it wise to take 'time out' to reconsider my attitude, voice tones, body language, facial expressions and behaviors in order to insure that inexperience, confusion, frustration do not lead me down a path where wild thing, feeling defensive, leaps out of my mouth, unattended—leaving me to pay negative consequences, for sure.

As long as my wild thing is leashed and muzzled, words, which might be received as rude and hurtful are held in check.  In fact during times fraught with conflict, I choose to calm down my wild thing in hopes of remaining attached, most often, to emotionally mature attitudes and behaviors, which ready my mind to travel a path 'velcroe'd' to effective problem solving techniques based common sense.

Actually, while writing, right now, this question popped into my mind ...

Annie, exactly what are you getting at here?

Hmmm, good question, I say to myself ...

Looks like I'm openly acknowledging the existence of my wild thing, not just to you, but too me, too.  :)

Truthfully, it's unusual for me to introduce my wild thing to anyone by conscious choice, because, generally speaking, I was cautioned to hold her in check under lock and key.  Oh by the way, my wild thing has a name, so from time to time, we'll call this water sprite, which, being human, tends to spring leaks—Ms. Ego.  Wild thing also has a given name, that being Impassionata.

So here she is ...

Biting at the bit to toss caution to the winds and

Standing before you in all her naked glory ...

My wild thing

Ms. Impassionata Ego

Being that Common Sense suggests that allowing

This water sprite to disrobe in public is known to

Lead to trouble in a flash

Ms. Ego, who, naturally craves center stage

Must be socially trained to adhere to the path of humility

Before the rest of me takes her out in public ...

Properly clothed and head held high ... but
Not too high for my own good ...

And in hopes of keeping Ms. Impassionata Ego
Tucked neatly into my well disciplined life

My defense system has been known to

Anesthetize certain moments that caused me
To experience grief and strife, resulting in the fact

That on occasion I've been surprised
To find repressed emotion leaping out from
Behind my subconscious wall

Where honest feelings, like resentment
Remain alive and kicking, though

Incognito from my conscious mind

What I'm getting at is this:
As long as latent pain remains

Tucked into pockets of my subconscious

I'll harbor an inner life
Where, from time to time
Floods of subterranean emotion ...

May cause tears to flow for reasons so well disguised
That I can't fathom what the trouble is—as of yet ...

How do I know undiagnosed trouble lurks within?

Well, actually if you stop to think about it
I'm sure you've heard that it's common for

People to harbor inner lives where

Tears flow freely from a river called
What-the-heck-is-swimming-round-inside-my-mind-now ...

And somehow whatever causes that river to twist, turn and swirl
Keeps calling us home ...

Not home to the house in which we live

But home in terms of reaching into the depths of one's core
In hopes of relieving an ache

Which our sixth sense admits to feeling painfully raw ...
While our conscious minds entertain the pretense

That life, as it exists, is just fine ...

Hmmm ...

If asked why today

Is different from all other days

I’d say ...
Today I’ve mustered the courage

To drop the curtain
Separating my public life from my inner life in order to
Let you see my wild thing on center stage in the flesh ...

If asked why I'd choose to

Boldly reveal the existence of

Ms.Impassionata Ego ...
Who when unleashed

Tends to put foot in mouth

Or trip over her own feet

I'd reply ...

If I bare my wild thing to you then

Perhaps your comfort zone will expand

Allowing you to more readily recognize those times

When your wild thing feels the need to
Sneak out and slip back in, as well ...

I mean truly—if you are human then you harbor 'wild thing', too

And now—having bared the existence of Ms. Ego in today's post

This seems like the 'proper' time to

Introduce the keeper of my wild thing
So without further ado ...
Ms. Humility ...

Who interestingly proves to be

Every person's most redeeming trait
Is pleased to meet you :)

As you may have surmised
I'm grateful to have acquired this gate keeping trait
For many reasons—for example 

In lieu of humility I'd not have mustered the courage

To tell you stories, concerning experiences

That explode in my face

In lieu of humility
I'd not choose to 'tell on' myself
Each time Ms. Ego floods my mind with
Enough hot air to launch a balloon to the moon

Every time a story, relating a failed experiment, unfolds

I'll eagerly show you how Humility shines lights, here and there
Until insight appears
And the spirit of Socrates smiles on high
To see another mortal
Come to 'know thyself' more astutely than before

Once humility and insight share center stage

The powers conferred upon that trusty pair
Enlist common sense to escort Ms. Ego to the wings
Where she belongs when problem solving is afoot, fore  soothe :)

Each time you watch humility regain control over my mind

You'll see my thought processing machine
Functioning well, making certain

That Ms. Ego stays in line with reality ...

For instance—
In stories to come
You'll watch Mother Nature implore me to
Figure out where my views are not in line with reality

In stories to come
You'll watch my friend, Mother Nature
Provide experiences that offer me reason to
Pay as much attention to my unmet needs

As I’d attended with care to the needs of those I’d loved

With each story that unfolds

I plan to show you reasons why remaining in line

With reality as it truly exists

Is tougher than most of us realize

And having said that ...

You may better understand why I chose to title my blog:

Have you got a clue or is your brain still fooling you! :)

With time you may also come to see why

My mind is engaged in a balancing act
Otherwise known as a life long quest, whereby
I learn how to wear two hats, simultaneously ...

While hat number one tips naturally toward Ego

(This hat often resembles a dunce cap)

Hat number two tips toward Humility

(Resembling a thinking cap)

And—Oh wait ... I almost forgot ...

In case you deem

Ms. Impassionata Ego

As too formal a name for friends and family

No worries, because the trained aspects of

Ms. Impassionata Ego's personality

Have graciously accepted a moniker

More fitting to the greater part of my nature

And as such Ms. Impassionata Ego

Answers most often and laughingly

To the nick name of

Cornball

Good naturedly :)

In stories already told (Twinkle Twinkle, Bully for Me, First Kiss), you saw why the free spirited, childlike, wild side of my mind was subdued by fearsome experiences mixed in with social graces, early on, meaning that for most of my life, I felt it necessary to be so good and pure, spanking clean and socially groomed as to have sworn that impassioned, egocentric tendencies had not manifested themselves within any pockets of my thought processing machine.  In fact, I, like many others, had once believed it impossible for this wild thing to ever leap out, grabbing control over my brain as a whole!

Bottom line, I really saw myself as a good girl, through and through.  Often times, this good girl saw life as black and white rather than comparing life and love to the ever changing, technicolored kaleidoscope both prove to be.

And though I'd been thoroughly taught not to take wild thing out and about, unclothed, you can believe me when I say that, often times, it takes more self control than may be openly shown to keep Ms. Impassionata under wraps.

Once that insight hit, Common Sense called upon intelligence to create THE LINE OF CONTROL :)

Each time one of my dark hair brained schemes proves wildly successful, my heart leaps for joy! 

So let's take stock of character traits that I've owned up to, thus far, in today's post:

Ms.  Ego

Ms. Impassionata

Civilized Socialization

Humility
Courage
Common sensical insightfulness

Cornball Humor
Childlike bursts of unadulterated joy

Thank goodness the first natural duet of traits
Which prove innate to us all
Is outnumbered by sextet of traits—
Which each of us may choose to acquire after birth

Thank goodness I know for a fact
That the first duet hides in pockets of my mind—

Thank goodness my thought processing machine
Has been trained to curb the active life led by that duo
Which needs reining in each time
They feel the need to bite at the bit and lash out

I mean, heaven forbid number they should slip out
Sight unseen—by me

How chagrin I'd feel if my ego, stood in judgement
Of loved ones before gathering all of the pertinent facts

How contrite I'd feel if negatively focused passion
Finds passive aggressive ways to leap out on center stage ...
Wreaking havoc before stealthily slinking behind the curtain, again

How often, I wonder might I tend to miss those times
When that shameless duet of human traits

Causes a ruckus to escalate—unnecessarily?

What if others suggest that I've been know to do all of that
Time and again, while I refuse to believe
That which they so clearly see in me?

As you shall see in posts to come
Denial is the most common defense mechanism known to mankind.

Though all of us visit the Land of LaLa where we believe ourselves to be the most angelic creatures to inhabit planet Earth, some ostriches bury their heads so deeply into fantasies of their own making that they fail to fathom truth from tall tales—where ego white washes its doings while darkening the principled traits of others as fast as the flick of a light switch can darken a room—causing insight to remain as hard to see as a black cat tiptoeing unaware toward cliff side at midnight.

When emotional earthquakes hit, causing the bottom of Lala Land to fall out, all who refuse to believe that two sides of human nature live and breathe fire within us all will be flabbergasted when a sunny, soulful dream world suddenly sinks into a sad sigh, a dark blustering squall or a full blown roaring, lightening storm in the blink of an eye.  Ofttimes it doesn't take much for subterranean emotion to spring release your wild thing or mine.

Generally speaking, all you need do is to tap into a cool, calm, collected mind's hidden hot spot and watch Wild Thing leap out, lunge for your jugular, clamp on tight, and slink back in after imagining (insisting, believing and swearing) that it was you, the messenger, who did or said a dastardly unforgivable thing by opening your mouth and allowing deeper truths to spring out!

How dare you see both sides of me as I am instead of believing in the mask of purity I don't know I wear!

Two riddles come to mind:

Why must we muster the courage to get a handle on the truth?

Why must we dig in to reveal deeper truths that society tends to ignore?
What do these two riddles suggest we fear most of all?
In answer to both riddles, I'd say—

We fear to admit that denial exists to differing degrees within us all ...

And this, my friends, is what sages like Socrates, Will Shakespeare, Jane Austin, Henry James, Ingmar Bergman, Mark Twain, Erma Bombeck, Mel Brooks, Woody Allen and countless others refer to as—
THE HUMAN CONDITION—
Meaning none are innocent, suggesting—
All are guilty of being pots calling kettles black.

Bottomline:

If you are reading this, you are human

If human, you, like me, harbor two sides within your mind

Not good and evil, per say

But rather a choice between two attitudes ... two points of view

If attitude is everything
Then we must choose between attitudes that prove ...
Negatively focused

(The choice of naysayers)
Or

Positively focused
(The choice of solution seekers)

More about recognizing our two sided minds
And admitting to negative mind sets
In stories to come—
As for now ...

If you are human then you and your wild thing face owning up to the Human Condition, meaning this:
We all receive countless wake up calls to tighten lines of humility in hopes of recognizing the havoc our egos wreck, causing deeply valued relationships to crack under the weight of one last straw.

As for me—
I have tired of carrying as much baggage as a camel.

I agree to view myself as an imperfect person

With negative attitudes, views and mind sets
Which prove in need of identifying and changing.

Need an example?

If someone, who hurt my feelings during a moment fraught with tension, offers up humility in hopes of forgiveness, might I lift the cup of humility to mine own lips and drink from the depths of that well, as well, or will I view myself as victim—meaning the other guy must be viewed as villain—forever—allowing my ego to scorch my own most valient traits by refusing to repair a valued relationship—again and again?

Just a thought to consider, because—well— 

Is it not true that, at times, your first thought may not be your best thought—same as mine :)

On the other hand, if a valued relationship insists on seeing my principled values through a glass colored darkly, watch me call upon common sense to quell frustration by stepping back—though stepping back is not synonymous with closing and locking a door.  I'll leave that to those whose egos assume center stage, unclothed.

At this point, I feel the need to switch tracks for a bit in order to be certain that we not brand my wild thing or yours with a bad rep, and let it go at that.  Let's consider that this independent streak of nature provides us with a will so strong as to enable us to muster the courage to survive tragic accidents and dire experiences.  Let's consider the fact that a strong spirited, wild thing revitalizes one's innate ability to love and thrive beyond our wildest dreams.  Wild thing feels wildly enthusiastic when wondrous events swirl us round a dance floor where your heart and mine swing harmoniously to the music of life.  Wild thing knows no bounds when adventure calls our name.

Let’s consider the fact that this subterranean creature whispered, tirelessly into my ear until I felt compelled to develop a voice that works to identify and conquer subconscious fear.  Let's remember that this streak of nature fueled my spirit until I became aware of my need to expand comfort zones past societal limits, which had narrowed my views concerning personal growth for most of my adult life.

Repeatedly, my spirit awakens each morning with thoughts that inspire me to believe that seeking out my computer and sitting down to write is worth my time and energy if my stories encourage others to look into themselves courageously and honestly much earlier in life than I'd known to do.

Daily the spirit of Socrates hovers near my ear whispering, "Know thyself."

Upon the wall above my desk is tacked a plaque, a gift from my daughter-in-law:  "SPARKLE"

Under this plaque is another—also a gift from Rachel—
"Let your life speak"

Under both plaques is a plaque I gave myself:
"Lord, put your hand over my mouth."

A plaque inside my mind states:
"Balance in all things."
Daily I work to balance instinct with well educated intelligence on one end of the spectrum ... and wild thing on the other

Now that I've mentioned balance, let's consider this:
If Mother Nature makes a gift of this wild thing to one and all and if my wild thing inspires me to loosen the noose that silenced my voice ... and if my wild thing compels me to sort through society's contradictory lessons in hopes of making astute decisions—which may not win popularity contests—then wouldn't it be unwise to dismiss my wild thing's most redeeming features?

I mean, let's face it, Mother Nature is always cooking up some cosmic plan that I do not yet understand.

Sooo—though I may not understand what's going on when a narrow mind set is undergoing monumental change—I know full well that change is the only constant in life, suggesting that while I'm confused, Mother Nature knows what she's doing even if I do not.  And if she has offered the wild thing to me, I'll do more than accept her, openly, honestly, graciously—I'll do my best to take good care of her in a nurturing way.

And each time positive focus ignites insight, which spotlights the light at the end of the tunnel, allowing for opportunity to expand my comfort zones, I'll embrace personal growth, again and again!  

On the other hand, when I can't get positive focus under control—I'll ask for help from someone who sees what I cannot—yet.  You know, like when I sat on that bench in the park, opening up to my neighbor, allowing repressed frustration to pour out while little, uncivilized, wild things to whom we'd given life were naturally throwing sand into each other's eyes.

Whew!  If anyone told you the solution seeking process is easy to understand and control, forgetaboutit!

We all need a three-step-problem-solving plan.  Why three steps?  Because whether working through conflict, strife or grief, a mind, tense with emotion, needs a plan that's as simple as—one, two three.

Sooo—if confusion and frustration tend to be natural states of mind during changing times—and if change is the only constant in life—then I hold myself responsible for creating a Line of Control, followed by a workable plan, in hopes of tolerating tension as maturely as possible while my think tank figures out what’s best to do next.  And as a result of maintaining control over tension while taking one step after another into the great unknown, wild thing remains in check while insight brightens my mind.

Once insight hits and my attitude lightens, my comfort zone expands, leading me once again, to feel at ease in my skin!

Once again, thank goodness for personal growth!
Where would I be without it!
Up to my ears in you-know-what ...

Once this quartet of positive focus, humility, the line of control and a workable three step plan guided my life—more often than not—I began to pop up on your screen, baring explosive experiments in hopes that by sharing a wide variety of true life adventures pulsing with self awareness, stories, withdrawn from my memory bank, might inspire you to fire up a quest into self discovery of your own :)

Each time I flesh out another scene, depicting family life in our house, you'll see why my life’s quest—that being to train my Neo cortex to take good care of Ms. Impassionata's free spirit while simultaneously taking care to develop a healthy balance between self awareness and compassionate consideration for the needs of others—is my most important task.

Tall order ... this role modeling, care taking, hat-balancing-self aware-self-discovery stuff!

Tall order but doable when the heart loves so deeply that the mind is instructed to take time out to think smart—as in think twice before your wild thing judges, lunges, growls or bites at will :)

So anyway, now that I've identified my wild side playing hide and seek with me, you may better understand my need to invent five tools, so simple that my three year old sensed the concept of taking control over his ego by way of playing monkey-see-monkey-do when problems were in need of solving or conflicts were in need of resolving with calmness, clarity and positively focused attitudes by all ages and both genders, who lived, ate, breathed, worked, studied, played and slept peacefully beneath one roof, because—different though our needs prove to be, even today—we each learned to place defensiveness to one side in favor or respecting and loving one another, well.

At this time, if we turn our attention toward what tomorrow may bring ... well, your guess is as good as mine.  Perhaps that's why we're taught to write this mantra upon our slates, every day:

While planning for a better tomorrow, choose to accept each day as it comes—and ...

Hopefully, with positive focus running the show, today will prove at least infinitesimally better than yesterday—and tomorrow will prove a bit more orderly than that—and so on until, one day, you come to see that a negatively focused cycle seems to have reversed itself, at long last.

And once all feel—free at last, free at last—free to feel mutually respected, at last— we'll thank Dr. MLK for providing us with thoughts of dreams that come true, which prove to be historically profound for one and all :)

If asked why I make it my business to consciously place Ms. Ego in time out, well, I hope to keep my mind's eye focused and both ears open to insightful information that may come my way, because—I don't wanna miss out on learning anything that might actually cheer me up when I'm down!   :)

Gosh, I wonder what my mind will choose to write about, tomorrow ...

Will we see more of my free spirited wild thing?

Toilet training experiments that achieved success—naturally?

The Park Bench?

Another experiment explode?

A story describing THE THREE STEP PROBLEM-SOLVING PLAN, which
Explains the ways in which logical consequences save the day?

Something brand new, thoughts never before encountered?

All I can say for now, my friends, is this—

I have no more clue what tomorrow may bring than do you ... so

Please stay tuned :)