Wednesday, February 27, 2013

636 THE MIND REVEALS WHAT IT FEARS ...

Here's what I know about the human mind
The human mind, no matter how well trained
Is known to find ways to reveal whatever it fears, deep inside

As much of what the mind fears
Proves defensive in nature
Our first thoughts are not necessarily our best thoughts


At times of emotional turbulence
My mind reacts defensively
Knowing this, I seek out a Walden Pond to think deep

Once enveloped within this peaceful haven of solitude
I quiet the gerbil on the wheel inside my mind in hopes of clarifying
The cause of turbulent emotions, erupting on both sides

Upon consciously placing my defensive reaction in time out
My thoughts grow calmly reflective, suggesting that
A calm mind is more apt to embrace both views with objectivity intact

After objective thoughts smooth my ruffled feathers down
I send the other guy a heartfelt hug in hopes that
Feathers will unruffle and smiles will be exchanged, naturally—soon

Monday, February 25, 2013

635 HERE'S HOPING FOR A QUIET WEEK AHEAD :)

Sat down at the computer, because part of my brain wants to post
On the other hand, I'm still too tired to think—smart
Guess energy spent, last week, is still replenishing
As I've learned to listen up
When my 'little voice' signals one choice over another
I'll take a break till my mind awakens with an urge to write as a whole
Until then, my friends, I wish you well :)

Friday, February 22, 2013

634 REFUELING POSITIVE FOCUS :)

Pulmonologist confirmed test results
Valley Fever is diagnosis
My son will be on medication for three to six months
Recovery monitored by monthly CT scans
Valley Fever saps energy for quite a while
My son is sure his spirit will catalyze energy level to revitalize, quickly
Imagine me smiling, listening to son's attitude fueling positive focus :)
Let's hope reality matches his plan :)

Thursday, February 21, 2013

633 SURPRISE! I AM HERE ...



Didn't think I'd show up for a while
Goes to show how little I know for sure
Here I am—because ...
I awoke angry

think I am angry at life
I think it's important to know
What caused angry thoughts to arise to ensure that
Negative feelings do not unload on people I love

Fortunately
I have a productive outlet for anger
As my productive outlet is writing
Here I am—trying to understand why I awoke angry, today

think I'm angry at life
Which translates to
I am angry at everything
That proves beyond my control

Normally
When emotion runs high on all sides
I am practiced at maintaining
My sense of logical reasoning

In short, I am practiced at crises control
And though these past two days prove that to be true ...
Today, I awoke angered at too much stress
Pounding away at my head, all at once

Hopefully
By way of writing
I'll unearth, for myself, specific reasons
As to why anger is biting into the best of me, right now

think I used up my allotment of positive focus
At the hospital, over the past couple of days
think, way deep down inside, I'm more concerned
About my son's health than I've allowed myself to know

think I did not have a clue as to how much
My brain's been fooling me
think I tired of holding fear and frustration at bay
think I awoke too spent to conjure up intelligent thought, at first

Perhaps my first thoughts were not my best thoughts for this reason:
In addition to worrying over my son's crushing chest pain
Additional situations have been frustrating, confusing me
For several months

Perhaps my need to deny this potent combination of

Fear, frustration, confusion has caused me to feel
Less content, less coherent, more disjointed, more discontent
Than I've consciously known

Perhaps reality, poking through denial, suggests that
I've been carrying several missiles inside my mind
Waiting on hair triggers to be launched ...
All I know for certain is this:

I don't want to muster the energy
Necessary
To draw forth my strengths—
Instead, all I want to say is this ...

Positive focus be gone ...
I feel the need to release pent up tension, confusion and fear
I feel the need to relieve this pounding headache
In a cleansing torrent of tears

Though I want to be a mom who creates
A healing environment for my son
I need a strong shoulder to cry on—
Right now ...

Though tears trickle down my cheeks as I write
Torrents of emotion remain damned inside
This makes me wonder if my LINE OF CONTROL
Is too damned developed for my own good

Of course, it's best to showcase good humored strength
Each time I walk into my son's room ...
On the other hand, it's important to admit to feeling
Emotionally taxed, unrelaxed, confused—to myself

Perhaps all I need do
To take good care of us both is to remind myself of this:
If two sides exist within us all then ...
That's true for me, too

Perhaps this new train of thought
Will pull into the station
Whereby I'll feel effective
At balancing emerging emotion with logical thought, simultaneously

Once emotion and logic rebalance

I can ensure that this natural out pouring of anger
At human vulnerability on all sides
Will not leap out at any person who wishes both of us well

As subconscious fear concerning
Mom's struggle with cancer at 99 ...
Combines with yesterday's relief
At hearing that ...

My son, in the prime of his life
Has tested free of
Heart disease or blood clots
You'd think I'd be at least half way home, right?

So—why did I awaken, today
Feeling such a strong need to be the babe
Rocked in the cradle
At least for a little while?

Why?
Because pent up emotion is repressed energy
And this morning, repressed negative energy
Is proving in need of release

So rather than biting off a head
Innocent of any wrongdoing whatsoever
I know to sit down and write my thoughts
Until insight clears confusion and my inner strengths revitalize

Thank goodness I know
That I'll revert to care taking roles
As soon as understanding clarifies mixed emotions
Which are messing with my mind

Actually, I'm beginning to think
My anger is not directed at life
I'm beginning to think my anger is focused at
Human vulnerability—most especially my own

Yes, that's it—upon second thought
I am angry at many situations that remain beyond my control
And guess what?  It's ok to feel that way—at least for right now
Because ...

I am daughter, who wishes her mother well
I am mother, who wishes her son well
I AM WOMAN—weary of confusing frustrations
HEAR ME ROAR!

Later
When my pent up need for roaring has released
I'll call my mom
And be her doting, long distance daughter

Then
After retrieving my cheerful smile
I'll walk into my son's hospital room
With optimism's good nature intact and chicken soup in hand ...

As for right now—
I'd like to say thanks to my friends for letting me vent
When mind missiles, bouncing with negative energy
Proved in need of launching

As soon as test results are known
I'll clue you in
So far, CT scan shows a lesion on my son's lung …
Doctor's thoughts still leaning toward Valley Fever ...

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

632. LIFE JUMP STARTS ONE SURPRISE AFTER ANOTHER ...

As with marriage, parenting requires positive attitudes for better or worse, in sickness and health.  Spent all of yesterday in ER with son, who was admitted, last night.  Leaning toward Valley Fever.  Being that my son's well being is my first priority,  I may not appear on your screen for a while.

Stay well, my friends ...
And when life throws unexpected curves
Focus consciously on directing your mind toward
Good natured clarity so that emotion is channeled
More toward positive focus than fear
Speaking from experience
An atmosphere flowing with good humored vibes
Channels the patient's energy toward healing the body's ills
And having said that
It's time to call and ask what my son needs
To ease his day, as healing gets underway ...

Sunday, February 17, 2013

631 ANNIE BECOMES MOM TO TWO Chapter 8 HUMILITY :)


"Parenthood abruptly catapults us into a permanent relationship with a stranger."

So says author Andrew Solomon in FAR FROM THE TREE.
My take?
I agree.

More of my take?
(Com'on ... you knew there'd be more ... :)

It's a parent's responsibility to learn how to create an emotionally enriching environment in which a house filled with strangers develops into a home where relationships are based in mutual respect.

When everyone learns to respond to family with positive attitudes that we reserve for our friends, a house transforms into 'home sweet home'.

Earlier in the week while flying home after visiting my 99 year old mom, I read an article, describing a woman who proved 'too principled for her own good'.  That statement resonated deeply within me for this reason:  All too often, the one who proclaims the highest principles sits on his or her high horse casting judgement upon others, whose words, actions and deeds prove no better or worse than that of 'the judge'.

For example:
If we cannot forgive a hot head who cannot forgive another hot head what does that make of us?
It makes unforgiving hot heads of us all.

Want more?
Well, ready or not—here it comes ... :)

When people I love bury their heads in the sand
Concerning casting judgement calls upon each other
I show up with my shovel
Not to hit them with it
But rather to dig through the rubble of
Relationships gone south while I work at figuring out
How to mediate family rifts in hopes that healing takes place
While both people are still on this side of the grass

In truth, those who cannot forgive
Have no clue how to sit their egos in time out
When the ego takes control over your mind
The wild thing grabs hold of your attitude and twists it out of shape
A misshapen attitude may take you where you never meant to go.

If you let your ego control your brain, can you be an angel on earth?
My take?
I think not.

No high horse for me, thank you very much ...
Given time, watch a high horse buck you off
Hmmm—makes me wonder if Truman had a horse
Maybe that's why he's famous for saying:
The buck stops here :)

Now that my kids are grown, can you guess for whom I model humility?

Yep.  Myself

Each day I say to self:
Annie, hold head high enough for self respect
Sit ego in time out chair
Attend to the bent of your attitudes
Lord, put your hand over my mouth until I think smart ...
The buck stops here
Seek and thee shall find—deeper truth :)

Friday, February 15, 2013

630 ANNIE BECOMES MOM TO TWO Chapter 7 MORE INSIGHT INTO WILD THING :)


Riddle:
In addition to sports stadiums where else is the Wild Thing sanctioned by society to run free, breathing fire?
In the bedroom

Stories concerning igniting those flames may surprise you as much as I'll be surprised to muster the courage to watch those stories sizzle on your screen once insight into that stage of my life expands my comfort zone.

Each time insight expands my comfort zone, memories, which back up inside my throat, emerge from my depths as naturally as every intimacy, posted, thus far.  (And though these stories will be written anonymously, I'll ask permission from any adult, who takes part as a main character, just as I did with my sons.)

In post 629, I suggested that my stories might inspire you to quest more deeply into yourself.  Today, clarity suggests that while writing these stories my quest to understand myself advances, as well.

Each time a puzzle piece emerges from my subconscious and slides into place next to that which is already known, a bigger picture—which Mother Nature thought best to block behind my defensive wall—expands.  As my perception of past events, seen through the eyes of a younger Annie, expands, a narrow view, which had seemed black and white, begins to alter until my mind's eye is exposed to a technicolored picture of reality, which had gone unsuspected before.

Each time newly gathered puzzle pieces conjoin, altering my perception of past events, my perspective into self awareness deepens.  For example, upon viewing yesterday's reality in a new light, I gain insight into a situation that the undeveloped mind of a frightened child could not comprehend without help from adults in the know.


Asking for help is what intensive therapy is about.  No matter how mature my mind has grown, I find myself in need of help to excavate truths so painful that defensive layers block me from healing tragic injuries on my own.


If Mother Nature calls upon the defense system to erect a mental block in order to protect a child's sanity then just as that block layers up, over time, each layer must be gently softened and peeled away, insuring that subconscious pain, secreted away in its rawest state, does not gush out, all at once.  Thus during the healing process, one must muster patience, tenacity and resilience while this excavating process sorts through puzzle pieces in hopes of regaining peace of mind, lost long ago.


Let's look at this way:

As children, we develop mental patterns that carve
Deep channels of thought into our minds.
Patterns of thought, like habits, are hard to break.
As a mind sets grows habitual in nature
Any change feels like something to fear.

I mean, once you get to know yourself ...
Who wants to learn that you're someone else ...

Let's say that this person you've grown to be proves to be

A better person than the self you'd believed yourself to be
Humility suggests you may say:
Goodness gracious this person you're describing
Couldn't possibly be me!
You need to get your head examined ...
On second thought, if you're on target ...
Then the head in need of examining might be—mine
At this point, your quest into self discovery is on a roll :)

Often times ego gets in the way of clarity
Other times humility blinds us from seeing who we've developed to be
Either way, we deny, deny, deny—the truth
Not just truth that hurts
But truth that sets us free to see ourselves as we've grown to be

In lieu of therapy I couldn't regurgitate trauma that caused my voice to choke in my throat.  (Need I say that as a public speaker, insight into irony is poking through the surface of conscious awareness, right now?)

Once my mental habit had accustomed itself to closing my eyes to realities that I could not fathom, life's heaviest moments were heaved into a chest that sank to the bottom of a river flowing with subconscious discontent.


This heavy weight inside my chest was composed of experiences too painful to bear or bare until the dam separating subconscious weight from conscious memory collected that last straw, which popped the lid on the dam—and without understanding why, I'd burst into tears and feel confused until puzzle pieces began to float to the surface of conscious awareness, at last.

At this point confusion has grown to feel so natural that each time another puzzling piece pours out of my memory bank, curiosity gets the best of fear, and I work to understand relationships that suddenly make no sense, at all.


As one thought leads to the next, trains of thought may switch tracks so fast as to make my head swirl like a top until I say—OMG, this head spinning stuff has to stop!

While slowing down this head spinning stuff, I slow down my thought processing machine in order to examine each piece of baggage that flies out of box cars, which coupling together, make up the run away train that circles through my head, making my mind feel like a gerbil on a wheel ...


Today, when that gerbil spins my wheels, I spend time in solitude—writing until my runaway train pulls into a station.  This morning, I awoke thinking—as thinking makes me reach for a pen, I found myself 'writing' at 5:30 AM.

Thank goodness over these past twenty years, I've had ample time to hear myself think for myself—concerning how best to fulfill my unmet needs.  And because I'v learned to think for myself, at last, nothing about the life I choose to live stalls or stagnates, over long ...

Ever since that first blessed four months time spent in solitude, twenty years back, no one decides when to rein in my wild thing, but me, meaning that, at long last, my decisions, concerning how best to live my life, are my own.  Think to know me?  Think again.


Think again, because—your first thought may not be your best thought for this reason:  The little that shows on my surface misses emotional complexities, which layer up as children grow up.

Most adults I know hide most of their traits behind their own defensive walls.
Some know how much their inner lives differ from their social veneers.  Some remain so confused that they don't.

I'm getting much too far ahead of myself.

Time to back track to Annie becomes a mom of two ...

It's a fact that very few parents enjoy yelling at their kids.

Even so, this question begs asking:
What compelled Annie to read through and collect a library composed of more than one hundred texts, concerning raising kids to develop a wide variety of personal strengths—unless Annie's sixth sense whispered that the kid in need of developing those strengths had been hiding, quivering fearfully, deep inside a subconscious pocket of her mind ... and with that, today's runaway train has pulled into the station, at last :)

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

629 ANNIE BECOMES MOM OF TWO Chapter 6 WILD THING: :)

First off—before I relate the next toilet training experiment, which thankfully, leads mother and child toward success, it seems wise to introduce my wild thing to you.  It also seems wise not to suggest what may come next so as not to mix you up when my mind switches tracks—which, admittedly, occurs frequently. :)
Take the last several posts, for example.  First I felt ready to relate high school stories.  Next I’d thought to draw colorful pictures of family life depicting natural consequences incurred during my strike, which took place after the wild thing inside me had been trained to role model solution-seeking behaviors for my children.  Then my thought process shifted gears, zooming back at least a decade to a time when my wild thing had clamored for total control over two high spirited, independent little minds (Ha!).  And so, begging your pardon for spinning your head, this way and that, this seems like the right time to focus your awareness upon an insight that inspires my ego to bow to humility when common sense deems switching tracks wise:

My first thought's not always my best thought ... it's just ... my first thought.

You see, just as with my first toilet training tale ... sometimes my first thought proves to be an experiment that blows up in my face. :)

So—at those times when my wild thing is about to erupt, signaling its need to escape from its hide out deep inside a pocket of my mind (blood pounding, brows lowering, eyes flashing, throat choking, teeth clenching, tummy tightening)—I find it wise to take 'time out' to reconsider my attitude, voice tones, body language, facial expressions and behaviors in order to insure that inexperience, confusion, frustration do not lead me down a path where wild thing, feeling defensive, leaps out of my mouth, unattended—leaving me to pay negative consequences, for sure.

As long as my wild thing is leashed and muzzled, words, which might be received as rude and hurtful are held in check.  In fact during times fraught with conflict, I choose to calm down my wild thing in hopes of remaining attached, most often, to emotionally mature attitudes and behaviors, which ready my mind to travel a path 'velcroe'd' to effective problem solving techniques based common sense.

Actually, while writing, right now, this question popped into my mind ...
Annie, exactly what are you getting at here?

Hmmm, good question, I say to myself ...
Looks like I'm openly acknowledging the existence of my wild thing, not just to you, but too me, too.  :)

Truthfully, it's unusual for me to introduce my wild thing to anyone by conscious choice, because, generally speaking, I was cautioned to hold her in check under lock and key.  Oh by the way, my wild thing has a name, so from time to time, we'll call this water sprite, which, being human, tends to spring leaks—Ms. Ego.  Wild thing also has a given name, that being Impassionata.

So here she is ...
Biting at the bit to toss caution to the winds and
Standing before you in all her naked glory ...
My wild thing
Ms. Impassionata Ego

Being that Common Sense suggests that allowing
This water sprite to disrobe in public is known to
Lead to trouble in a flash
Ms. Ego, who, naturally craves center stage
Must be socially trained to adhere to the path of humility
Before the rest of me takes her out in public ...
Properly clothed and head held high ... but
Not too high for my own good ...

And in hopes of keeping Ms. Impassionata Ego
Tucked neatly into my well disciplined life
My defense system has been known to
Anesthetize certain moments that caused me
To experience grief and strife, resulting in the fact
That on occasion I've been surprised
To find repressed emotion leaping out from
Behind my subconscious wall
Where honest feelings, like resentment
Remain alive and kicking, though
Incognito from my conscious mind

What I'm getting at is this:
As long as latent pain remains
Tucked into pockets of my subconscious
I'll harbor an inner life
Where, from time to time
Floods of subterranean emotion ...
May cause tears to flow for reasons so well disguised
That I can't fathom what the trouble is—as of yet ...

How do I know undiagnosed trouble lurks within?
Well, actually if you stop to think about it
I'm sure you've heard that it's common for
People to harbor inner lives where
Tears flow freely from a river called
What-the-heck-is-swimming-round-inside-my-mind-now ...
And somehow whatever causes that river to twist, turn and swirl
Keeps calling us home ...
Not home to the house in which we live
But home in terms of reaching into the depths of one's core
In hopes of relieving an ache
Which our sixth sense admits to feeling painfully raw ...
While our conscious minds entertain the pretense
That life, as it exists, is just fine ...

Hmmm ...
If asked why today
Is different from all other days
I’d say ...
Today I’ve mustered the courage
To drop the curtain
Separating my public life from my inner life in order to
Let you see my wild thing on center stage in the flesh ...

If asked why I'd choose to
Boldly reveal the existence of
Ms.Impassionata Ego ...
Who when unleashed
Tends to put foot in mouth
Or trip over her own feet
I'd reply ...

If I bare my wild thing to you then
Perhaps your comfort zone will expand
Allowing you to more readily recognize those times
When your wild thing feels the need to
Sneak out and slip back in, as well ...

I mean truly—if you are human then you harbor 'wild thing', too

And now—having bared the existence of Ms. Ego in today's post
This seems like the 'proper' time to
Introduce the keeper of my wild thing
So without further ado ...
Ms. Humility ...
Who interestingly proves to be
Every person's most redeeming trait
Is pleased to meet you :)

As you may have surmised
I'm grateful to have acquired this gate keeping trait
For many reasons—for example 
In lieu of humility I'd not have mustered the courage
To tell you stories, concerning experiences
That explode in my face

In lieu of humility
I'd not choose to 'tell on' myself
Each time Ms. Ego floods my mind with
Enough hot air to launch a balloon to the moon

Every time a story, relating a failed experiment, unfolds
I'll eagerly show you how Humility shines lights, here and there
Until insight appears
And the spirit of Socrates smiles on high
To see another mortal
Come to 'know thyself' more astutely than before

Once humility and insight share center stage
The powers conferred upon that trusty pair
Enlist common sense to escort Ms. Ego to the wings
Where she belongs when problem solving is afoot, fore  soothe :)

Each time you watch humility regain control over my mind
You'll see my thought processing machine
Functioning well, making certain
That Ms. Ego stays in line with reality ...

For instance—
In stories to come
You'll watch Mother Nature implore me to
Figure out where my views are not in line with reality

In stories to come
You'll watch my friend, Mother Nature
Provide experiences that offer me reason to
Pay as much attention to my unmet needs
As I’d attended with care to the needs of those I’d loved

With each story that unfolds
I plan to show you reasons why remaining in line
With reality as it truly exists
Is tougher than most of us realize
And having said that ...
You may better understand why I chose to title my blog:
Have you got a clue or is your brain still fooling you! :)

With time you may also come to see why
My mind is engaged in a balancing act
Otherwise known as a life long quest, whereby
I learn how to wear two hats, simultaneously ...

While hat number one tips naturally toward Ego
(This hat often resembles a dunce cap)
Hat number two tips toward Humility
(Resembling a thinking cap)
And—Oh wait ... I almost forgot ...
In case you deem
Ms. Impassionata Ego
As too formal a name for friends and family
No worries, because the trained aspects of
Ms. Impassionata Ego's personality
Have graciously accepted a moniker
More fitting to the greater part of my nature
And as such Ms. Impassionata Ego
Answers most often and laughingly
To the nick name of
Cornball
Good naturedly :)

In stories already told (Twinkle Twinkle, Bully for Me, First Kiss), you saw why the free spirited, childlike, wild side of my mind was subdued by fearsome experiences mixed in with social graces, early on, meaning that for most of my life, I felt it necessary to be so good and pure, spanking clean and socially groomed as to have sworn that impassioned, egocentric tendencies had not manifested themselves within any pockets of my thought processing machine.  In fact, I, like many others, had once believed it impossible for this wild thing to ever leap out, grabbing control over my brain as a whole!

Bottom line, I really saw myself as a good girl, through and through.  Often times, this good girl saw life as black and white rather than comparing life and love to the ever changing, technicolored kaleidoscope both prove to be.

And though I'd been thoroughly taught not to take wild thing out and about, unclothed, you can believe me when I say that, often times, it takes more self control than may be openly shown to keep Ms. Impassionata under wraps.


Once that insight hit, Common Sense called upon intelligence to create THE LINE OF CONTROL :)

Each time one of my dark hair brained schemes proves wildly successful, my heart leaps for joy! 

So let's take stock of character traits that I've owned up to, thus far, in today's post:

Ms.  Ego
Ms. Impassionata
Civilized Socialization
Humility
Courage
Common sensical insightfulness
Cornball Humor
Childlike bursts of unadulterated joy

Thank goodness the first natural duet of traits
Which prove innate to us all
Is outnumbered by sextet of traits—
Which each of us may choose to acquire after birth

Thank goodness I know for a fact
That the first duet hides in pockets of my mind—
Thank goodness my thought processing machine
Has been trained to curb the active life led by that duo
Which needs reining in each time
They feel the need to bite at the bit and lash out

I mean, heaven forbid number they should slip out
Sight unseen—by me
How chagrin I'd feel if my ego, stood in judgement
Of loved ones before gathering all of the pertinent facts

How contrite I'd feel if negatively focused passion
Finds passive aggressive ways to leap out on center stage ...
Wreaking havoc before stealthily slinking behind the curtain, again

How often, I wonder might I tend to miss those times
When that shameless duet of human traits
Causes a ruckus to escalate—unnecessarily?

What if others suggest that I've been know to do all of that
Time and again, while I refuse to believe
That which they so clearly see in me?

As you shall see in posts to come
Denial is the most common defense mechanism known to mankind.

Though all of us visit the Land of LaLa where we believe ourselves to be the most angelic creatures to inhabit planet Earth, some ostriches bury their heads so deeply into fantasies of their own making that they fail to fathom truth from tall tales—where ego white washes its doings while darkening the principled traits of others as fast as the flick of a light switch can darken a room—causing insight to remain as hard to see as a black cat tiptoeing unaware toward cliff side at midnight.

When emotional earthquakes hit, causing the bottom of Lala Land to fall out, all who refuse to believe that two sides of human nature live and breathe fire within us all will be flabbergasted when a sunny, soulful dream world suddenly sinks into a sad sigh, a dark blustering squall or a full blown roaring, lightening storm in the blink of an eye.  Ofttimes it doesn't take much for subterranean emotion to spring release your wild thing or mine.

Generally speaking, all you need do is to tap into a cool, calm, collected mind's hidden hot spot and watch Wild Thing leap out, lunge for your jugular, clamp on tight, and slink back in after imagining (insisting, believing and swearing) that it was you, the messenger, who did or said a dastardly unforgivable thing by opening your mouth and allowing deeper truths to spring out!

How dare you see both sides of me as I am instead of believing in the mask of purity I don't know I wear!

Two riddles come to mind:
Why must we muster the courage to get a handle on the truth?
Why must we dig in to reveal deeper truths that society tends to ignore?
What do these two riddles suggest we fear most of all?
In answer to both riddles, I'd say—
We fear to admit that denial exists to differing degrees within us all ...

And this, my friends, is what sages like Socrates, Will Shakespeare, Jane Austin, Henry James, Ingmar Bergman, Mark Twain, Erma Bombeck, Mel Brooks, Woody Allen and countless others refer to as—
THE HUMAN CONDITION—
Meaning none are innocent, suggesting—
All are guilty of being pots calling kettles black.

Bottomline:
If you are reading this, you are human
If human, you, like me, harbor two sides within your mind
Not good and evil, per say
But rather a choice between two attitudes ... two points of view

If attitude is everything
Then we must choose between attitudes that prove ...
Negatively focused
(The choice of naysayers)
Or
Positively focused
(The choice of solution seekers)

More about recognizing our two sided minds
And admitting to negative mind sets
In stories to come—
As for now ...

If you are human then you and your wild thing face owning up to the Human Condition, meaning this:
We all receive countless wake up calls to tighten lines of humility in hopes of recognizing the havoc our egos wreck, causing deeply valued relationships to crack under the weight of one last straw.

As for me—

I have tired of carrying as much baggage as a camel.
I agree to view myself as an imperfect person
With negative attitudes, views and mind sets
Which prove in need of identifying and changing.

Need an example?
If someone, who hurt my feelings during a moment fraught with tension, offers up humility in hopes of forgiveness, might I lift the cup of humility to mine own lips and drink from the depths of that well, as well, or will I view myself as victim—meaning the other guy must be viewed as villain—forever—allowing my ego to scorch my own most valient traits by refusing to repair a valued relationship—again and again?

Just a thought to consider, because—well— 
Is it not true that, at times, your first thought may not be your best thought—same as mine :)

On the other hand, if a valued relationship insists on seeing my principled values through a glass colored darkly, watch me call upon common sense to quell frustration by stepping back—though stepping back is not synonymous with closing and locking a door.  I'll leave that to those whose egos assume center stage, unclothed.

At this point, I feel the need to switch tracks for a bit in order to be certain that we not brand my wild thing or yours with a bad rep, and let it go at that.  Let's consider that this independent streak of nature provides us with a will so strong as to enable us to muster the courage to survive tragic accidents and dire experiences.  Let's consider the fact that a strong spirited, wild thing revitalizes one's innate ability to love and thrive beyond our wildest dreams.  Wild thing feels wildly enthusiastic when wondrous events swirl us round a dance floor where your heart and mine swing harmoniously to the music of life.  Wild thing knows no bounds when adventure calls our name.

Let’s consider the fact that this subterranean creature whispered, tirelessly into my ear until I felt compelled to develop a voice that works to identify and conquer subconscious fear.  Let's remember that this streak of nature fueled my spirit until I became aware of my need to expand comfort zones past societal limits, which had narrowed my views concerning personal growth for most of my adult life.


Repeatedly, my spirit awakens each morning with thoughts that inspire me to believe that seeking out my computer and sitting down to write is worth my time and energy if my stories encourage others to look into themselves courageously and honestly much earlier in life than I'd known to do.

Daily the spirit of Socrates hovers near my ear whispering, "Know thyself."

Upon the wall above my desk is tacked a plaque, a gift from my daughter-in-law:  "SPARKLE"

Under this plaque is another—also a gift from Rachel—
"Let your life speak"

Under both plaques is a plaque I gave myself:
"Lord, put your hand over my mouth."

A plaque inside my mind states:
"Balance in all things."
Daily I work to balance instinct with well educated intelligence on one end of the spectrum ... and wild thing on the other

Now that I've mentioned balance, let's consider this:
If Mother Nature makes a gift of this wild thing to one and all and if my wild thing inspires me to loosen the noose that silenced my voice ... and if my wild thing compels me to sort through society's contradictory lessons in hopes of making astute decisions—which may not win popularity contests—then wouldn't it be unwise to dismiss my wild thing's most redeeming features?

I mean, let's face it, Mother Nature is always cooking up some cosmic plan that I do not yet understand.

Sooo—though I may not understand what's going on when a narrow mind set is undergoing monumental change—I know full well that change is the only constant in life, suggesting that while I'm confused, Mother Nature knows what she's doing even if I do not.  And if she has offered the wild thing to me, I'll do more than accept her, openly, honestly, graciously—I'll do my best to take good care of her in a nurturing way.

And each time positive focus ignites insight, which spotlights the light at the end of the tunnel, allowing for opportunity to expand my comfort zones, I'll embrace personal growth, again and again!  


On the other hand, when I can't get positive focus under control—I'll ask for help from someone who sees what I cannot—yet.  You know, like when I sat on that bench in the park, opening up to my neighbor, allowing repressed frustration to pour out while little, uncivilized, wild things to whom we'd given life were naturally throwing sand into each other's eyes.

Whew!  If anyone told you the solution seeking process is easy to understand and control, forgetaboutit!

We all need a three-step-problem-solving plan.  Why three steps?  Because whether working through conflict, strife or grief, a mind, tense with emotion, needs a plan that's as simple as—one, two three.

Sooo—if confusion and frustration tend to be natural states of mind during changing times—and if change is the only constant in life—then I hold myself responsible for creating a Line of Control, followed by a workable plan, in hopes of tolerating tension as maturely as possible while my think tank figures out what’s best to do next.  And as a result of maintaining control over tension while taking one step after another into the great unknown, wild thing remains in check while insight brightens my mind.


Once insight hits and my attitude lightens, my comfort zone expands, leading me once again, to feel at ease in my skin!

Once again, thank goodness for personal growth!
Where would I be without it!
Up to my ears in you-know-what ...

Once this quartet of positive focus, humility, the line of control and a workable three step plan guided my life—more often than not—I began to pop up on your screen, baring explosive experiments in hopes that by sharing a wide variety of true life adventures pulsing with self awareness, stories, withdrawn from my memory bank, might inspire you to fire up a quest into self discovery of your own :)

Each time I flesh out another scene, depicting family life in our house, you'll see why my life’s quest—that being to train my Neo cortex to take good care of Ms. Impassionata's free spirit while simultaneously taking care to develop a healthy balance between self awareness and compassionate consideration for the needs of others—is my most important task.

Tall order ... this role modeling, care taking, hat-balancing-self aware-self-discovery stuff!

Tall order but doable when the heart loves so deeply that the mind is instructed to take time out to think smart—as in think twice before your wild thing judges, lunges, growls or bites at will :)

So anyway, now that I've identified my wild side playing hide and seek with me, you may better understand my need to invent five tools, so simple that my three year old sensed the concept of taking control over his ego by way of playing monkey-see-monkey-do when problems were in need of solving or conflicts were in need of resolving with calmness, clarity and positively focused attitudes by all ages and both genders, who lived, ate, breathed, worked, studied, played and slept peacefully beneath one roof, because—different though our needs prove to be, even today—we each learned to place defensiveness to one side in favor or respecting and loving one another, well.

At this time, if we turn our attention toward what tomorrow may bring ... well, your guess is as good as mine.  Perhaps that's why we're taught to write this mantra upon our slates, every day:

While planning for a better tomorrow, choose to accept each day as it comes—and ...

Hopefully, with positive focus running the show, today will prove at least infinitesimally better than yesterday—and tomorrow will prove a bit more orderly than that—and so on until, one day, you come to see that a negatively focused cycle seems to have reversed itself, at long last.

And once all feel—free at last, free at last—free to feel mutually respected, at last— we'll thank Dr. MLK for providing us with thoughts of dreams that come true, which prove to be historically profound for one and all :)

If asked why I make it my business to consciously place Ms. Ego in time out, well, I hope to keep my mind's eye focused and both ears open to insightful information that may come my way, because—I don't wanna miss out on learning anything that might actually cheer me up when I'm down!   :)

Gosh, I wonder what my mind will choose to write about, tomorrow ...

Will we see more of my free spirited wild thing?
Toilet training experiments that achieved success—naturally?
The Park Bench?
Another experiment explode?
A story describing THE THREE STEP PROBLEM-SOLVING PLAN, which
Explains the ways in which logical consequences save the day?
Something brand new, thoughts never before encountered?
All I can say for now, my friends, is this—
I have no more clue what tomorrow may bring than do you ... so
Please stay tuned :)