Since the success of my strike depended upon my bent toward positive focus, I'd like to begin to explain how and why The Five Tools shaped up inside my mind:
As an instructor of family communications, I'd spend several hours, each week, describing time-tested problem-solving techniques, published by parenting authorities, which had proven effective for me. With great enthusiasm, I'd describe to parents, whose children were younger than mine, how I'd challenge myself to employ the creative portion of my mind to conjure up logical consequences when natural consequences proved too dangerous, painful, or advanced for a preschooler's undeveloped thought processor to absorb. For example, I didn't want my children to stop running into the street to fetch a ball, because they'd been hit by passing cars ...
Though I'd focus upon encouraging folks in my classes to believe that their minds could conjure up consequences as creative (even humorous) as mine, most attempts to brainstorm in class met with—silent blank stares. Over time, I invented five tools that empowered class participants to dive deep enough into their own think tanks to come up with logical consequences, which resolved conflicts at home that made them feel so crazy as to believe that yelling achieved positive results.
Here's an insight that encouraged class participants to challenge themselves to resolve conflicts with creativity: If a baby mimics a parent waving bye-bye then guess what yelling 'instructs' your child to do? Time and again, I challenged my think tank to stimulate a room full of think tanks by shooting off success stories that combined common knowledge and common sense.
For example ... if common knowledge suggests that basic instincts are innate, meaning that certain reactions develop naturally within the womb, and if common sense suggests that reactions may be acquired, environmentally, most importantly during the first five years of life, then it's wise to differentiate innate reactions, common to most, from acquired reactions written environmentally upon the Neo cortex ( i.e. the think tank, slate, thirsty sponge, thought processor) of the brain.
Though the human brain is composed of many compartments, which function interactively, it's my aim to target two ... the first being the thought processor, which is influenced by those who wield the chalk on the slate that determines the bent of a child's reactions. Next, let's consider the Limbic System, where innate (spontaneous) emotional reactions, like a new born's startle reflex, originate within the brain stem. Just as new borns may be expected to react similarly to like stimuli, children are known to mimic reactions acquired by watching one parent or the other. More about adopting parental traits, later.
Though many role models serve as a child's thought processing 'programmers', it's generally thought that the two most significant role models are one's parents. Generally speaking, the more limbic the parent, the more limbic the child. Now, before you get your dander up, please remember that that last sentence began with 'generally speaking'. You see, like all body parts, the brain is made up of DNA. In addition to inherited DNA, every brain has glitches. Some more than others. Though some glitches develop within the womb, others develop after birth. For instance, a child who's undergone trauma will commonly, develop a set of interrelated traits that swing away from the mainstream of natural development. When describing limbic reactions, a wide spectrum exists, extending from full blown temper tantrums on one side to stone walling on the other. It is this spectrum of reactiveness that is in need of time out to plug into common sense as seen in folks of both sexes at all ages. As plugging emotion into common sense proves a difficult task for both genders at all ages, it's helpful to have a set of simple tools at your beck and call when making that shift—on the spot.
In keeping with comparing the Neo cortex to a writing slate, a child's think tank thirsts for knowledge in that curiosity absorbs whatever is seen and heard as quickly as a sponge sops up water, juice, soda or beer. Once it dawned on me that I was one of my children's primary role models, I held my think tank and tongue responsible for spilling out more life sustaining water and juice than pop and beer. In short, I began to back up my words with actions, consciously, meaning that if my children were to sponge up high principled values, I had to live up to those values rather than shouting them aloud. So here's where those five simple, much needed, tools come in. I invented them to retune my temper, because, in truth, my innate reaction to repetitive misbehavior was frustration, and my adopted response to frustration was to stamp my foot and yell out loud as much as anyone else. Uhhh, let me qualify that last statement by saying that I didn't yell in school where I respected other people's children. I saved my adult tantrums for times when, letting it all hang out, I was alone and unseen (???) by anyone except for my kids. Though that's not easy to bare, publicly, humility is one of the virtues that valuing highly, I've worked to embrace.
As future posts unfold you'll see why, as a primary role model, it seemed logical to consciously imprint high principled values more deeply into my brain in hopes that my offspring, who'd mimicked me (monkey see, monkey do), might choose to adopt while learning to control their basic instincts, too. As my children moved from one stage of human development—beginning with infancy, toward the terrible two's, into childhood and through adolescence—they watched me choosing to retrain my think tank, while I observed them choosing to mimic my choice to maintain self control. By the way—need I say that consequences were employed at those times when,, rather than mimicking me my 'audience' remained unruly ...
Though each fetus shapes up into a unique individual within the womb, one portion of the brain proves to be a blank slate, capable of being trained to tame the savage beast that stamps its two year old feet, beats its four year old breast, gnashes its six year old teeth and yells with the best at sixteen. If asked why I consider the five tools a 'godsend', I'd reply: The most challenging test that I must pass, repeatedly, is to consciously readjust my brain patterns in hopes of balancing my needs with those of men, women, and children, whose thought patterns and habits differ from my own. In order to effectively expand my horizons, my thinking instrument is in need of retuning from time to time (you know, the same way we retune musical instruments and cars). Thus, when life is less than harmonic and my mind is in need of a tune up, it's time to choose from amongst these five tools:
THE THREE MINUTE MIRACLE
THE LINE OF CONTROL
THE THREE STEP SANITY SAVING PROBLEM SOLVING PLAN
THE COOPERATION GAME
THE FACES WE WEAR
By way of these tools, so simple that a three year old can grasp each one, a family, which is a microcosm of society, can work to create a cooperative environment in which everyone's needs feel heard, respected and met. As you may remember, the reasons for my strike were aired at a family meeting where healthy snacks energized hungry bodies and minds, as well.
It's oft been said that the brain is the last frontier, meaning that we're only beginning to fathom why one person maintains emotional balance to one degree while another person's brain may feel more edgy and thrown off balance, more quickly—depending upon specific circumstances that arise ...
While raising my family, I knew nothing about the limbic system where instinctive emotional reactions are spontaneously triggered. I did not know how closely related limbic reactions were to memories associated with subconscious trauma, meaning that the trauma remains unhealed. I think it's important to note that over reactions are known to arise when elements of a current experience simulate a trauma that remains unresolved.
Decades ago, we knew very little about that which is written upon the Neo cortex of our brains. When my adventure into Parentland began, all I knew was this: A woman, who'd loved teaching other people's children, respectfully, felt responsible for raising and teaching her own—without yelling. On the other hand in my defense, other people's children went home at 3:00, while mine stayed for dinner and slept at my house, every night. As this proved true of each child for eighteen years, I decided to enjoy raising my offspring as much as I'd enjoyed teaching the offspring of others. Upon employing creativity, I figured out how to enjoy my children the same way that older adults are known to enjoy their children's children. :)
As being respectful of the feelings of others, most especially loved ones, meant learning to solve problems without losing my temper, I had a lot to learn. The fact that I was a teacher, who was beginning to yell at little peeps at home, filled my mind with so much frustration that I found myself opening up to other parents, sitting next to me on benches at parks while our children were grabbing each other's toys, followed by throwing sand in each other's eyes. To this day, I give thanks for having the humility to expose my vulnerability, which led me toward listening to a neighbor's suggestion to accompany her to a place of learning where common sense suggested that I choose a fork in the road less taken. And by choosing that road less taken, many of my mind sets found sound reason to change. Rather than closing my eyes to new ideas, concerning disciplining my children's misbehaviors, I opened my ears and my mind in hopes of soaking in information that inspired me to discipline—myself.
As years passed, one thing led to another and a positive chain of events ensued that inspired the creative center of this blogger's mind to conjure up those FIVE TOOLS, which solve every problem that raises its classic, little head in homes where fireworks seem ready to explode over what looks like nothing much on the surface—meaning that I'll bet most of my family's conflicts were not unlike your own—and as that belief still rings true, today, you now know why I feel inspired to write a new post, concerning self discovery upon awakening, almost every day ... :)
Sooo, now that you know a little more about what motivates me to reach out in an attempt to hand these five tools to you, let's get back to the ranch and see me rustle up some cooperation, which had been illusive until Annie Oakley got off her high horse, holstered her gun and picked up a sign, upon which she'd chosen to draw a big, bright, positively focused smiley face after deciding to stop striking out! :)
As an instructor of family communications, I'd spend several hours, each week, describing time-tested problem-solving techniques, published by parenting authorities, which had proven effective for me. With great enthusiasm, I'd describe to parents, whose children were younger than mine, how I'd challenge myself to employ the creative portion of my mind to conjure up logical consequences when natural consequences proved too dangerous, painful, or advanced for a preschooler's undeveloped thought processor to absorb. For example, I didn't want my children to stop running into the street to fetch a ball, because they'd been hit by passing cars ...
Though I'd focus upon encouraging folks in my classes to believe that their minds could conjure up consequences as creative (even humorous) as mine, most attempts to brainstorm in class met with—silent blank stares. Over time, I invented five tools that empowered class participants to dive deep enough into their own think tanks to come up with logical consequences, which resolved conflicts at home that made them feel so crazy as to believe that yelling achieved positive results.
Here's an insight that encouraged class participants to challenge themselves to resolve conflicts with creativity: If a baby mimics a parent waving bye-bye then guess what yelling 'instructs' your child to do? Time and again, I challenged my think tank to stimulate a room full of think tanks by shooting off success stories that combined common knowledge and common sense.
For example ... if common knowledge suggests that basic instincts are innate, meaning that certain reactions develop naturally within the womb, and if common sense suggests that reactions may be acquired, environmentally, most importantly during the first five years of life, then it's wise to differentiate innate reactions, common to most, from acquired reactions written environmentally upon the Neo cortex ( i.e. the think tank, slate, thirsty sponge, thought processor) of the brain.
Though the human brain is composed of many compartments, which function interactively, it's my aim to target two ... the first being the thought processor, which is influenced by those who wield the chalk on the slate that determines the bent of a child's reactions. Next, let's consider the Limbic System, where innate (spontaneous) emotional reactions, like a new born's startle reflex, originate within the brain stem. Just as new borns may be expected to react similarly to like stimuli, children are known to mimic reactions acquired by watching one parent or the other. More about adopting parental traits, later.
Though many role models serve as a child's thought processing 'programmers', it's generally thought that the two most significant role models are one's parents. Generally speaking, the more limbic the parent, the more limbic the child. Now, before you get your dander up, please remember that that last sentence began with 'generally speaking'. You see, like all body parts, the brain is made up of DNA. In addition to inherited DNA, every brain has glitches. Some more than others. Though some glitches develop within the womb, others develop after birth. For instance, a child who's undergone trauma will commonly, develop a set of interrelated traits that swing away from the mainstream of natural development. When describing limbic reactions, a wide spectrum exists, extending from full blown temper tantrums on one side to stone walling on the other. It is this spectrum of reactiveness that is in need of time out to plug into common sense as seen in folks of both sexes at all ages. As plugging emotion into common sense proves a difficult task for both genders at all ages, it's helpful to have a set of simple tools at your beck and call when making that shift—on the spot.
In keeping with comparing the Neo cortex to a writing slate, a child's think tank thirsts for knowledge in that curiosity absorbs whatever is seen and heard as quickly as a sponge sops up water, juice, soda or beer. Once it dawned on me that I was one of my children's primary role models, I held my think tank and tongue responsible for spilling out more life sustaining water and juice than pop and beer. In short, I began to back up my words with actions, consciously, meaning that if my children were to sponge up high principled values, I had to live up to those values rather than shouting them aloud. So here's where those five simple, much needed, tools come in. I invented them to retune my temper, because, in truth, my innate reaction to repetitive misbehavior was frustration, and my adopted response to frustration was to stamp my foot and yell out loud as much as anyone else. Uhhh, let me qualify that last statement by saying that I didn't yell in school where I respected other people's children. I saved my adult tantrums for times when, letting it all hang out, I was alone and unseen (???) by anyone except for my kids. Though that's not easy to bare, publicly, humility is one of the virtues that valuing highly, I've worked to embrace.
As future posts unfold you'll see why, as a primary role model, it seemed logical to consciously imprint high principled values more deeply into my brain in hopes that my offspring, who'd mimicked me (monkey see, monkey do), might choose to adopt while learning to control their basic instincts, too. As my children moved from one stage of human development—beginning with infancy, toward the terrible two's, into childhood and through adolescence—they watched me choosing to retrain my think tank, while I observed them choosing to mimic my choice to maintain self control. By the way—need I say that consequences were employed at those times when,, rather than mimicking me my 'audience' remained unruly ...
Though each fetus shapes up into a unique individual within the womb, one portion of the brain proves to be a blank slate, capable of being trained to tame the savage beast that stamps its two year old feet, beats its four year old breast, gnashes its six year old teeth and yells with the best at sixteen. If asked why I consider the five tools a 'godsend', I'd reply: The most challenging test that I must pass, repeatedly, is to consciously readjust my brain patterns in hopes of balancing my needs with those of men, women, and children, whose thought patterns and habits differ from my own. In order to effectively expand my horizons, my thinking instrument is in need of retuning from time to time (you know, the same way we retune musical instruments and cars). Thus, when life is less than harmonic and my mind is in need of a tune up, it's time to choose from amongst these five tools:
THE THREE MINUTE MIRACLE
THE LINE OF CONTROL
THE THREE STEP SANITY SAVING PROBLEM SOLVING PLAN
THE COOPERATION GAME
THE FACES WE WEAR
By way of these tools, so simple that a three year old can grasp each one, a family, which is a microcosm of society, can work to create a cooperative environment in which everyone's needs feel heard, respected and met. As you may remember, the reasons for my strike were aired at a family meeting where healthy snacks energized hungry bodies and minds, as well.
It's oft been said that the brain is the last frontier, meaning that we're only beginning to fathom why one person maintains emotional balance to one degree while another person's brain may feel more edgy and thrown off balance, more quickly—depending upon specific circumstances that arise ...
While raising my family, I knew nothing about the limbic system where instinctive emotional reactions are spontaneously triggered. I did not know how closely related limbic reactions were to memories associated with subconscious trauma, meaning that the trauma remains unhealed. I think it's important to note that over reactions are known to arise when elements of a current experience simulate a trauma that remains unresolved.
Decades ago, we knew very little about that which is written upon the Neo cortex of our brains. When my adventure into Parentland began, all I knew was this: A woman, who'd loved teaching other people's children, respectfully, felt responsible for raising and teaching her own—without yelling. On the other hand in my defense, other people's children went home at 3:00, while mine stayed for dinner and slept at my house, every night. As this proved true of each child for eighteen years, I decided to enjoy raising my offspring as much as I'd enjoyed teaching the offspring of others. Upon employing creativity, I figured out how to enjoy my children the same way that older adults are known to enjoy their children's children. :)
As being respectful of the feelings of others, most especially loved ones, meant learning to solve problems without losing my temper, I had a lot to learn. The fact that I was a teacher, who was beginning to yell at little peeps at home, filled my mind with so much frustration that I found myself opening up to other parents, sitting next to me on benches at parks while our children were grabbing each other's toys, followed by throwing sand in each other's eyes. To this day, I give thanks for having the humility to expose my vulnerability, which led me toward listening to a neighbor's suggestion to accompany her to a place of learning where common sense suggested that I choose a fork in the road less taken. And by choosing that road less taken, many of my mind sets found sound reason to change. Rather than closing my eyes to new ideas, concerning disciplining my children's misbehaviors, I opened my ears and my mind in hopes of soaking in information that inspired me to discipline—myself.
As years passed, one thing led to another and a positive chain of events ensued that inspired the creative center of this blogger's mind to conjure up those FIVE TOOLS, which solve every problem that raises its classic, little head in homes where fireworks seem ready to explode over what looks like nothing much on the surface—meaning that I'll bet most of my family's conflicts were not unlike your own—and as that belief still rings true, today, you now know why I feel inspired to write a new post, concerning self discovery upon awakening, almost every day ... :)
Sooo, now that you know a little more about what motivates me to reach out in an attempt to hand these five tools to you, let's get back to the ranch and see me rustle up some cooperation, which had been illusive until Annie Oakley got off her high horse, holstered her gun and picked up a sign, upon which she'd chosen to draw a big, bright, positively focused smiley face after deciding to stop striking out! :)
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