615 ON STRIKE! 1980 CHAPTER 4 (five tools) :)

Here are the names of five time-tested, trusty, home made, problem-solving tools found in my tool box:

THE THREE MINUTE MIRACLE

THE THREE STEP SANITY SAVING PROBLEM-SOLVING PLAN

THE LINE OF CONTROL

THE COOPERATION GAME

THE FACES WE WEAR

More about each tool in posts to come ... :)

Please note that I did not sit down, one day, to find these tools popping, like popcorn, out of my head.  Pop corn pops when pressure cookers heat up.  Tools, forged to last, are fully cast after the fire cools down.

I lived through the same frustrations that all parents do ... with this difference ...

Though no parent wants to yell at their kids ... one day—

I chose to open a door in my brain where creative productivity was chomping at the bit to figure out how to replace yelling with alternatives, which—in addition to being more effective than yelling—proved to be respectful and humorous, as well—meaning that imparting life's lessons took on a tone of being kid-friendly in every way ... and as our home life embraced this kid-friendly quality, day after day, each of my kids fell sleep feeling deeply loved, every night.  As for me, the fact that I never tired of employing the creative side my noggin allowed my mind to drift toward sleep, most nights, feeling relaxed while thoughts of my job-well-done danced through my head ... you see, rather than feeling constantly challenged by my kids, I turned the tables and challenged myself to lead this pack of cubs by turning myself into a respectful, knowledgable coach, who inspired the concept of teamwork to circle the bases until the space we shared actually felt like 'home sweet home'.

It's no doubt that my having been a teacher of other people's children was definitely a plus.  I mean, why would I treat other people's children with more respect than these three, whom I'd loved most of all?  The answer to that question points to this awareness:  Whereas other people's children left me to enjoy my peace by 3pm, mine stuck around till bedtime, and as bedtime got later, each year, it made sense for the leader of the pack, tired or not, to behave the same way that I wanted my cubs, tired or not, to mimic back :) ...  So—just as a teacher, who yells in class, may expect to be taken to task by a higher power within the school system, I had to seek out that higher power within myself in order to muzzle the yeller in me to pipe down at home.  I mean—seriously people, how fast would you march into the principal's office, demanding a change, if you learned that a teacher was brow-beating one of your kids?  Since a parent is a child's most important teacher, I took myself to task ...

Bottom line:  Each time I wanted to see positive change in my cubs, guess who had to lead the way in terms of retraining emotional reactiveness, which, truthfully, had a tendency to burst out of me ...

All too often, we see and remember that which the other person did while memory vaults over those times when we forget to remember fault, bursting forth from within pockets of resentment, which, upon catching fire, flares out of our baser selves ... in short we be kettles, boiling over while pointing our spouts at little tea pots that over heat, tip over and stamp their feet ...  And thus did I learn to train the savage beast within before motivating my children to follow suit.

In hopes of cooling down, all around, my thought processor fashioned five tools, each so simple that kids, ranging from three to infinity, are able to put them to good use as soon as frustration fires up.  As these tools shaped up inside my mind over a number of years, none had names until my cubs were fully grown.  During the years of my children's childhood, I just kept cranking out consequences, which proved effective, and while describing success stories to my classes, each embryonic tool continued to evolve until my heart, mind and spirit breathed life into all five, and once my labor had passed and I witnessed that which my thought processor had managed to give birth to, that's when I gave these new born quintuplets names :)

If you'd like to know why I lump defensive reactions of adults in with kids, well ... I came to see that no matter our age, as soon as we're tired, hungry, frustrated, ill, under pressure, fearful, angry, confused or under the weather in any way, everyone's sense of logic gives way to—defensiveness.  Once a defensive stance controls the brain, mature adults regress and react in churlish, childish ways, pretty much like little kids—just like that!  Though some adults throw tantrums, right out loud, others make use of passive aggressive ways to induce others to meet their needs ...  and in a post down the road, we'll see why I focused upon retraining the churlishly childish portion of my adult mind not to slip out and then slither back in while embracing my mind's fully spirited, childlike, ever wondrous side in hopes of ensuring a heartfelt connection to feeling youthful as I age :)

At this point if I find myself problem-solving with an adult whose mind has, for any number of reasons, morphed, unwittingly, into that of a defensive kid, you'll watch me place my defensive reactions in time out, quick as a wink, in hopes that a thinking cap, filled with compassionate brotherhood, may leap out of my tool box and land solidly, logically on top of the thought processing part of my head.  With time, you'll see how five simple, home made, time tested, trusty tools, which I employ to calm my mind, cut the possibilities of my engaging in tug of war in half :)