Why?
At times, reality scares a person's sense of safety past the point of clarity.
Why?
Strong emotion causes the logical pathways of the brain to flood with sparks of static, so clarity blurs.
As a protective measure against the possibility of impending danger, Mother Nature signals the defense system to flip the switch of common sense to OFF, thus allowing our fight, flee, freeze instinct to direct our brains. (It may be helpful to note that the law of attraction creates strong emotion, which filters into lFogic, so we feel 'love crazy' until our wild and 'crazy' pheromones settle down. As the honeymoon stage winds down, reality filters into our 'lovesick' state, and we may feel shocked as serious conflicts arise. The fact that opposites attract until they repel suggests the need to press pause on our panic buttons and consider this fact: Every relationship evolves through natural stages of development, leading to change—on both sides. In fact, I've come to see conflict as Nature's way to exercise our brains' potential for personal growth in the 'discipline' of emotional intelligence.)
Upon learning to embrace lessons in self awareness, we ready the conscious side of our minds to identify our character traits in need of maturing. Later on, I can show you how THE FIVE TOOLS guided me toward placing my panic (anger) button in time out in order to role model respectful, and thus calm, patient and peaceable, methods of conflict resolution for my children. Hmmm—I guess you could say that inner strengths, like patience and mindfulness, weave together to form a logical braid of self control.)
If for some reason, our panic buttons get stuck in the alarmed position and we can't shake free from an impending sense of danger then our instinct to fight, flee, freeze swallows common sense whole. When panic buttons activate simultaneously, on both sides, opposites may react more alike than we'd think.
As long as both people remain stuck in this state of subconscious panic (where sparks of strong emotion energize both minds), the dark sides of our imaginations dominate the pathways of our minds. And if this state of darkness lasts for too long then the relationship's a 'gonner'.
On the other hand, if one person gains insight into darkened misperceptions, which energize the maze while the other's defensive state stonewalls every attempt to dive in deep, a relationship, which had once felt close will develop distance, over time. And onceThe Blame Game picks up steam, people who love each other actually grow apart.
As long as fearsome egos stand guard over defensive walls, logic is tuned out, and we become victims of fear. As every victim needs a villain to blame for unremitting pain, all who try to reason with a closed mind will be stonewalled. And whomsoever is most verbally direct will be deemed vilified over all.
And that, my friends, is why patience, tolerance, compassion, humility, and courage must be mustered if OUR brains hope to connect with common sense without severing all ties to those you love, who remain in the dark as to why deeply valued relationships fall into desperate straits and can't get up.
(Long train of thought ... in need of a break?)
If, we wander, too long, in the maze and our spirits wear out, desperation becomes more contagious than we know. (More about that later.)
With the passage of time, it proves hard for a person, who is supportive, but exhausted, to accept the role of villain, calmly, graciously and SECURELY, while condemnation continues to storm in.
In truth, a sense of rising resentment can sicken the staunchest spirit, over time. And in order that words do not fly out of my mouth, causing me to eat crow, this layman has chosen to study surprising contradictions, which shape up within the human brain. For example:
As subconscious fear shifts the dark side of our imaginations into high gear, an insecure ego is freed to reshape any memory too harsh for that person to bear.
Unfortunately, shifts toward egocentric perception may persist until we choose to develop inner strengths (such as patience, humility, courage, self respect) necessary to confront whatever scares our wits straight out of our minds.
As long as a panicked ego casts dark shadows over common sense, negative attitudes will instruct the the imagination's dark side to conjure up a wide variety of magic tricks, concerning this scary slice of life. And in lieu of insight, dark MIND SETS shape up.
In order for these mind sets to remain water tight, the insecure ego patches up any holes that might allow disavowed memories to seep back in, while recalling only those memories, which back up today's revised view of what had taken place in the past.
Ultimately, in order to solidify this mind set, any memory that might defy the ego's fearsome stance will be sent to the dark side of the imagination, which is instructed to reconstruct it. And thus, by way of selective memory, reconstructive history and comparing apples to oranges, an insecure ego frees itself of all accountability, repeatedly.
As you can see, the sub-conscious portion of the human brain a tricky little devil!
So if you think you know what shenanigans are taking place behind YOUR wall of denial, you might want to muster the humility and courage to place your ego in time out and re-investigate the most confounding aspects of your life. In this way you, too, may discover where the connection between your thought processor and common sense may have failed. You see, rather than smashing into defensive walls, or flashing straight through one ear and out the other, the bright light of insight must penetrate the dark side of your mind. In short, insight must be held onto, like fireflies caught in a jar ...
If you'd like to know what propels me to write about the brain in detail, perhaps this is my way to re-channel old tapes that filter into my dreams, whispering should—should—should, while I'm asleep. Perhaps I need to write my thoughts 'aloud' until RR&R chases those dreams right out of my mind. (Repetition is not redundant when the goal is retention.)
Perhaps I'm in the process of brainwashing out that which had been brainwashed in.
Each time subconscious insecurity controls the pathways of my thoughts, common sense has trouble penetrating my defensive layers. Once defensive layers compound, it's really hard to clear my head. In short, once unleashed, the the dark side of my imagination runs away with the show—until I think to rein it in.
Having spent too many years in denial of truths that my heart refused to accept, I began to devour every self help book that fed my curiosity, concerning mind games that people don't know they play.
Today, I can get off an emotional teeter-totter, with less frustration than ever before, when another person's need for sainthood 'puts me down'.
(Need a break?)
So, how did I come to acquire a layman's library of knowledge? Long story short: during desperate times, the teacher in me instructs the student in me to do research concerning how best to sweep ghosts out of my subconscious closets.
In order to identify subconscious ghosts, my conscious mind has learned to ask for help. As each ghost is swept into sight, I understand what drove my need to run up stairs in a building that was clearly burning down to the ground in hopes of saving others too frightened to save themselves.
Thank goodness, I'm a woman, a multi-tasker, who, while running up those stairs continued to read about opening windows in my mind in order to be on the look out for insights, which might blow hot winded smoke out of the channels of my brain. With time, I developed the clarity to differentiate between people whose growth had become as stuck in the 'shoulds' as mine and those who'd stopped spinning their wheels—and hard as it was to change—sanity encouraged to join up with the latter.
As it seemed wise to cool my heels, grow pensive, and place my faith in those whose strengths had had ample space to develop, my ego took that flying leap out of the tower and landed safely in that net, grounded, not just by love, but by love, logic and mutual support, intertwined. Need I say that these qualities create a braid of clarity, which is quite different from a braid, comprised of mass confusion ...
I wonder if you've read: Who Moved My Cheese? |An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and in Your Life. In addition to being inspirational and witty, this #1 book, written by Dr. Spencer Johnson, is a really quick read.
Sigh! You can believe me when I say that puzzling through what's real-ly real and what imagination imagines to be real is far from easy! In truth, I've needed lots of help to clear confusion from my head. On the other hand, my decision to disconnect from La-La Land during desperate times in favor of detecting truths, which I had been afraid to see, served as a lifeline for me.
You see, once the mind unknowingly takes refuge in The Land of La-La, we walk the path where problems compound.
Why?
Most of us don't have time to ponder over life on Walden Pond. Hey! Perhaps that's one reason why wisdom comes with age! On the other hand, wisdom is ours for the taking at any age for this reason:
Wisdom lies in the ability to listen to the thoughts of those who have the time to learn and the desire to explain domino effects, which ensue when one unresolved problem plants the seeds of the next until offspring, named Confusion and Confounding grow up to be Mayhem and Bedlam.
Once Mayhem and Bedlam start flinging non-sense around, one way to think oneself sane is to believe that everyone else is crazy—or uncaring of our needs. And thus does this victimized cycle of negatively focused energy spin the truth, round and round, until, finally, someone stops the-not-so-merry-go-round and gets off.
As this victimized state of mind is true of us all to one extent or another, I decided to track the first terror that I could still FEEL in hopes of understanding insecurities that shaped into acquired mind sets and character traits to which I'd been blind. And the reason my story began during my preteens is due to this fact: I can feel suppressed anxiety emerge when I think of being squished between the hips of two bullies on those bus rides from hell to the house of God. So though that story was not easy to revive, it poured out of the conscious portion of my mind pretty much intact. In short, there was little reason for my mind to clog with confusion while relating anxious feelings of rejection.
On the other hand, an earlier terror had silenced my voice before that busload of bullies real-ly battered my ego to a pulp. And though I know what caused that terror I can't feel its sting. The fact that so much about this earlier experience remains repressed gives me reason to believe that that was the defining point in my life when my mind felt so terror struck that La La Land served as my place of refuge from overwhelming fear, confusion, and pain. Makes sense to believe that once I'd weaved inexperience and insecurity into negatively focused attitudes, dark mind sets shaped up, causing my imagination to channel conscious thoughts into a darkly colored subconscious braid. Seriously complex, right? Especially since ...
The most crucial years of personality development occur between birth and five.
And so, in hopes of securing my smile to self respecting strengths at my core—I choose to penetrate my layers of denial in hopes of achieving the clarity and simplicity of mind, which has been buried beneath the baggage that I've accumulated and lugged forward since my three year old mind split away from a terror too scary for a child to comprehend much less absorb. Whew!
(Though I'm still on a roll, are you in need of a break?)
I hope you real-ize that none of my posts are meant to be flashes of 'breaking news' in terms of the world of psychology.
I write because of my need to reconsider my library of knowledge in such an organized fashion as to help me to grow less self protective, more insightful, every day.
In short, I hope to see where my fear of reality may be messing with my mind's sense of clarity, today.
Interestingly, once my career as a public speaker began to wind down, my thoughts, which had been air born, for decades, began to pop out on my screen. In truth, I work at honing my craft for more hours, each day presently, than ever before! And my family is thankful that the teacher in me channels so many words into my blog, because they laugh at my storehouse of thoughts, pouring into their ears until their heads explode.
Holy smokes! It just occurred to me that reshaping mistaken mind sets may be less arduous than I'd thought.
Perhaps our minds do not need more than a hair of common sense to examine one puzzle piece at a time.
If that's true then a mind set, which had kinked up during a time of terror may straighten itself out and clarify, one piece at a time. I mean, isn't that exactly what I've been working to accomplish in this blog!
As each piece of clarity emerges and falls into its rightful place, I gain insight into bigger pictures.
Once I understand that which had confused me in the past, my fears decrease and comfort zones expand.
(I remember when the mere thought of learning how to surf the web made me cower inside.)
I no longer stretch beyond the point of exhaustion to ease a loved one's pain.
I've developed the common sense to step back, rest my mind, and muster the hope, patience, compassion and tolerance to accept this as fact:
Each person must tunnel toward the root of whatever is causing that person's spirit to fly at half mast.
As it's become obvious that my creative efforts cannot resolve a loved one's subconscious fears, I ask myself questions like this one: How long have I been blind to my subconscious need to feel indispensable?
I mean it's not been easy to face this reality:
People are replaceable.
One generation gives way to the next.
As people are replaceable
I aim to live my life
Attached to clarity
That's traceable
And thus, 'uneraseable'.
In short, being replaced
Doth not equate with being forgotten
The mind must control the ego
If the thought processor is to rest
We can't have our cake and eat it, too
Want more cake?
Then logic needs to bake it.
And logic needs clarity
Got the picture?
(Break?)
If clarity brightens a black and blue mind set then it makes sense to see where our scopes may have been too narrow.
It's wise to detect what wrecks our relationships.
What's causes some heartfelt goals to succeed while others fold.
Each time I remember to shift an old mind set
My spirit stops knocking against solid walls
I mean wouldn't it feel great
To stop your mind
From running in circles
Until every mind in sight
Is so dizzy that we all fall down ...
Wisdom equates with identifying, accepting and acknowledging my rightful portion of accountability in terms of riches lost vs. riches earned—not to be confused with dollar signs.
Hmmm—I just realized that ...
Integrity is based in the health of the ego ...
Honestly, how sad is it to watch a loved one moving from one stage of life to the next feeling victimized by a sense of loss, when in truth a dark mind set fails to appreciate the riches that defensiveness pushes away, time and again ...
Unfortunately, when one's spirit wearies enough to pass the baton, others may feel abandoned.
Why?
Defensive walls makes it tough to see classic truths staring straight at oneself.
As I'm going to a movie, pretty soon, here's my last thought for today:
Two minds must work at piecing together a puzzle of their own making before a wounded relationship can heal by weaving lasting trust throughout its braid.
Once I've chewed on this post for a bit, I hope to be three the next time I pop up on your screen.
On the other hand—readiness, attitude, and timing are everything (another braid?)—so only the shadow mind knows which train of thought may feel the need to pop out, next.
As for now I'll sleep through the movie if I don't take a quick nap!
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