That simple (?) interchange between my parents provides the perfect opportunity to introduce my belief that The War Between the Sexes has been as difficult to resolve as it’s been impossible for international diplomats to establish lasting peace throughout the world. As I see it, the crux of the power struggle, which has divided men and women (nations, political parties, and families) into separate camps for thousands of years due to human nature.
At a glance, history suggests that every generation finds it nearly impossible to accept major CHANGES, which defy belief systems with which we'd been raised. Why? Whereas children are deeply impressionable, the thinking patterns of adults are so deeply impressed into our minds that we naturally resist major changes, which do not seem to meet our immediate needs. As major change breeds conflict and chaos, which produce widespread discontent, all sides feel scalded by betrayal, which manifests mistrust.
In the absence of trust, people unwittingly fail to consider the depth of each other's unmet needs. Just as Camelot did not exist for Arthur, Guinevere, Lancelot, Jack or Jackie, it does not exist now and never will as long as human nature is a two-sided coin. If we're not flipping out over change then we lust after power or forbidden fruit.
Riddle:
Why are THE TEN COMMANDMENTS deemed commandments?
Because it's so darn hard to uphold the lofty principles that we expect of each other. When expectations are unrealistic, we look for solutions in all the wrong places. And thus do unrealistic expectations persist until this insight strikes our minds:
We have no clue when we cross the line to feed our own needs. What line? The line of self control. When do we cross this line? When we put each other down; rewrite history; darken the character traits of others and perceive ourselves innocent of insensitivity. We cross the line when having grown fearful, lonely, needy or desperate for the attention of friends and family, we lose sight of emotional boundaries. We cross the line when the only comfort zone considered is our own. *Somehow, I'm having trouble getting this post to indent new paragraphs with consistency—yet another mystery to solve—but not tonight!
At times we smite each other into submission in obviously hurtful ways. Sometimes we feed our needs in such subtle ways, that with the mere lift of an eyebrow, the hint of a frown, or a wistful look, others shut their needs down in favor of feeling ours. And that seems to work until a series of idealistic strategies, which had focused on positive change, continue to fail.
If, at that point, hot spots of frustration burn holes straight through smokescreens of hope, volcanic explosions may blow this relationship's foundation to kingdom come. And though all may feel stymied, at first—those who choose to tunnel into the psyche in search of insight, may come to understand classic consequences that ensue when human nature stretches love beyond the line where lasting trust and friendship thrive.
Let's take this instance for example: Whenever neediness jumps boundary lines, perceptions, based in egocentricity, flip logic upside down. Next thing we know, mild mannered personalities flip as fast as coins: Charmer on one side—victim on the other—and here's why that true: Both sides of human nature vie for space within us all.
At those times when neediness unleashes on both sides, a pair of wounded egos engage in power struggles for control. Why is that true? Because one unleashed ego calls out to the next. And it all boils down to a domino effect.
Riddle:
Why are THE TEN COMMANDMENTS deemed commandments?
Because it's so darn hard to uphold the lofty principles that we expect of each other. When expectations are unrealistic, we look for solutions in all the wrong places. And thus do unrealistic expectations persist until this insight strikes our minds:
We have no clue when we cross the line to feed our own needs. What line? The line of self control. When do we cross this line? When we put each other down; rewrite history; darken the character traits of others and perceive ourselves innocent of insensitivity. We cross the line when having grown fearful, lonely, needy or desperate for the attention of friends and family, we lose sight of emotional boundaries. We cross the line when the only comfort zone considered is our own. *Somehow, I'm having trouble getting this post to indent new paragraphs with consistency—yet another mystery to solve—but not tonight!
At times we smite each other into submission in obviously hurtful ways. Sometimes we feed our needs in such subtle ways, that with the mere lift of an eyebrow, the hint of a frown, or a wistful look, others shut their needs down in favor of feeling ours. And that seems to work until a series of idealistic strategies, which had focused on positive change, continue to fail.
If, at that point, hot spots of frustration burn holes straight through smokescreens of hope, volcanic explosions may blow this relationship's foundation to kingdom come. And though all may feel stymied, at first—those who choose to tunnel into the psyche in search of insight, may come to understand classic consequences that ensue when human nature stretches love beyond the line where lasting trust and friendship thrive.
Let's take this instance for example: Whenever neediness jumps boundary lines, perceptions, based in egocentricity, flip logic upside down. Next thing we know, mild mannered personalities flip as fast as coins: Charmer on one side—victim on the other—and here's why that true: Both sides of human nature vie for space within us all.
At those times when neediness unleashes on both sides, a pair of wounded egos engage in power struggles for control. Why is that true? Because one unleashed ego calls out to the next. And it all boils down to a domino effect.
When charm can't get its way , the ego flips out; and in lieu of logic, self control slips away. At this point, unhealed wounds bleed anew, and issues with anger, abandonment, or confusion fling negative judgements, left and right.
Though replying to negativity with anger is a common response, some children have reason to develop a pattern whereby anger is subconsciously repressed—not to be confused with consciously suppressed. When anger is unwittingly repressed, resentment numbs up and slips inside secret pockets deep within the subconscious side of the mind. So on the surface, everything 'feels' fine, and self control remains in line while, in truth, a pressure cooker is steaming away behind a staunchly layered wall of denial.
If this inability to recognize one's own anger gives way to an outburst of passion, a layer of guilt weighs so heavy on the spirit of this hopeful soul that a sad descent down a staircase of depression may eventually ensue. You see, the ship of hope floats until it springs too many leaks, and the reason the captain goes down with this particular ship is because that smokescreen of denial is too thick to see the proverbial iceberg looming directly ahead.
When the ego instructs denial to do our thinking, that which we see in others may prove to be a mirrored image of oneself, and thus do pots call kettles black.
Though some are too hopeful and some not enough, both cross the line where conflict resolution, reality, and inner peace are left behind. Once two egos are sorely entwined, both brains are in need of an old fashioned tune up, because—this tired routine is as classic as classic can get.
In many ways, human nature is as unpredictable as climate in that sunny spirits tend to shine until dark clouds of conflict blow in. And if the main root of a conflict remains undetected, power struggling intensifies, making resolution improbable.
As conflict intensifies and wounded egos engage in games people don't know they play, the sunny side of both spirits seem to disappear. At this point, smiles freeze in place until the line of control cracks in half. Once those frozen smiles flip upside down, eyes glaze over; tears of misperceived abandonment flood down our cheeks, and if weary signals of SOS are answered with judgment calls, everyone who cares skates so far from shore on ice, thinner, than ever before until the burdens we can no longer carry weigh so heavy on our minds that every inch of our being exhausts. And at such time as this nightmare drains every drop of our energy, day after day, Mother Nature sends our minds, bodies, and spirits to bed and there we stay. Tucked in. Nice and dry. And safe. Cared for by loved ones, we sip liquids through straws, but having lost our appetite for life or food along the way, care takers grow concerned when weight loss takes its toll. And if those care takers get wind of the logic behind whatever we've been saying, all along, then in retrospect, exhausting one's energy source and going to bed until mind, body, and spirit recoup actually makes more sense than skating on thin ice, forever and a day.
The classic nature of our inability to resolve conflicts, openly, honestly, peaceably, and thus trustfully, affects every person (and nation) on our planet. As history deems this to be true, my purpose in sharing this saga of family life may offer you insight into recognizing the ways in which our egos complicate life, especially when necessary changes remain unrecognized on both sides. Bottom line: When we harbor the fear that a head on collision between unleashed egos lies directly ahead, we walk on eggshells or turn into clams.
In short, I hope my stories will serve as warning signs, guiding you and yours to rescue your relationships before egos turn minds into cannons, firing off insulting perceptions, which inflame both sides until numb to pain ... all that's left of love, friendship, and trust is ashes to ashes, dust to dust, amid a sense of lasting sadness due to great loss, all around.
In truth, love doth not suddenly explode. A long series of firecrackers snap, crackle and pop before the fireworks finale bursts through that slow burning hole in an unbalanced relationship's foundation.
Riddle:
Why do the egos of loving people bite those they love most? Several reasons:
No line of control in our homes. In lieu of self awareness, we pay less mind to changing needs within our families than we do with friends. We have no clue when our egos slip out, take control of our minds, do our thinking, talking, listening and misperceiving of personal perception as fact—and then—slip back in. When egocentricity believes to know what's taking place, when all we see is the elephant's tail, heavy handed judgements drop on heads, which may have openly expressed exhaustion for quite some time. Or we don't believe ourselves in need of help, when help is what we need most of all.
In truth, the myopic ego has no clue of how often we perceive of ourselves and others as though through a funhouse mirror. Then in hopes of quelling feelings of subconscious guilt, the ego spins history by reconstructing memory so that certain details filter out and new ones fill in the blanks. And that's why the details that make up each story command astute review.
Each time the ego crosses the line, we lose control of the truth.
Though we often hear—perception is a person's reality—that does not mean perception lines up with the truth. Once again, perceptions jiggle like jello, while the truth stands firm. When two egos cross swords, a power struggle ensues between denial and reality until the truth stands victor in the end.
Once I came to recognize the universal consequence of human nature's double dealing thinking patterns, insight hit, and I began to see striking similarities between Annie's devastating breakup with Joseph and the devastating breakup of my marriage. At that point I made it my business, literally, to identify those times when denial gives rise to the blame game, where people, who believe to know all the facts, drop heavy-handed judgments onto each other's heads, divide into separate camps. The only way to become less judgmental is to ask questions and then reflect over which of your beliefs may be in need of review.
As my eagerness to entice people of both genders and all ages to sponge up the rewards of peaceable conflict resolution runs deep—I'm surprised whenever a story chokes on some subconscious fear that Mother Nature must have tucked inside a secret pocket of my mind during those times when one of life's scariest storms tested my younger (and thus half baked) strengths.
Sometimes I find myself saying, out loud: Message to logical side of brain—set me free! I have grown strong enough to handle the truth in depth! Then, knowing full well that my subconscious is not programmed to fess' up on command, I laugh at the folly of instructing my ego to slough off brittle layers of self defense, spontaneously. Once laughter blows frustration away, I depend upon logic to tunnel, patiently, through one defensive layer of self protection at a time. How many layers in all? As many as Mother Nature instructed my ego to amass throughout my lifetime.
By the way, can you guess why I'm eager to discuss my theories with young minds? Young minds develop, layer upon layer, like young bones. Whereas young, broken bones remodel with little effort, adult bones (like adult minds) have grown too brittle to form new growth patterns with ease. Hence the expression—no pain no gain.
So if we agree that the ego fears pain, then what are we to do? Garner the humility to sit our egos in time out chairs, thus allowing the logical side of our brains to listen up and fall in line with The Seven Dwarfs as they march into the mine, singing:
High ho, high ho, it's off to work we go—tunneling forth until we strike gold!
Though replying to negativity with anger is a common response, some children have reason to develop a pattern whereby anger is subconsciously repressed—not to be confused with consciously suppressed. When anger is unwittingly repressed, resentment numbs up and slips inside secret pockets deep within the subconscious side of the mind. So on the surface, everything 'feels' fine, and self control remains in line while, in truth, a pressure cooker is steaming away behind a staunchly layered wall of denial.
If this inability to recognize one's own anger gives way to an outburst of passion, a layer of guilt weighs so heavy on the spirit of this hopeful soul that a sad descent down a staircase of depression may eventually ensue. You see, the ship of hope floats until it springs too many leaks, and the reason the captain goes down with this particular ship is because that smokescreen of denial is too thick to see the proverbial iceberg looming directly ahead.
When the ego instructs denial to do our thinking, that which we see in others may prove to be a mirrored image of oneself, and thus do pots call kettles black.
Though some are too hopeful and some not enough, both cross the line where conflict resolution, reality, and inner peace are left behind. Once two egos are sorely entwined, both brains are in need of an old fashioned tune up, because—this tired routine is as classic as classic can get.
In many ways, human nature is as unpredictable as climate in that sunny spirits tend to shine until dark clouds of conflict blow in. And if the main root of a conflict remains undetected, power struggling intensifies, making resolution improbable.
As conflict intensifies and wounded egos engage in games people don't know they play, the sunny side of both spirits seem to disappear. At this point, smiles freeze in place until the line of control cracks in half. Once those frozen smiles flip upside down, eyes glaze over; tears of misperceived abandonment flood down our cheeks, and if weary signals of SOS are answered with judgment calls, everyone who cares skates so far from shore on ice, thinner, than ever before until the burdens we can no longer carry weigh so heavy on our minds that every inch of our being exhausts. And at such time as this nightmare drains every drop of our energy, day after day, Mother Nature sends our minds, bodies, and spirits to bed and there we stay. Tucked in. Nice and dry. And safe. Cared for by loved ones, we sip liquids through straws, but having lost our appetite for life or food along the way, care takers grow concerned when weight loss takes its toll. And if those care takers get wind of the logic behind whatever we've been saying, all along, then in retrospect, exhausting one's energy source and going to bed until mind, body, and spirit recoup actually makes more sense than skating on thin ice, forever and a day.
The classic nature of our inability to resolve conflicts, openly, honestly, peaceably, and thus trustfully, affects every person (and nation) on our planet. As history deems this to be true, my purpose in sharing this saga of family life may offer you insight into recognizing the ways in which our egos complicate life, especially when necessary changes remain unrecognized on both sides. Bottom line: When we harbor the fear that a head on collision between unleashed egos lies directly ahead, we walk on eggshells or turn into clams.
In short, I hope my stories will serve as warning signs, guiding you and yours to rescue your relationships before egos turn minds into cannons, firing off insulting perceptions, which inflame both sides until numb to pain ... all that's left of love, friendship, and trust is ashes to ashes, dust to dust, amid a sense of lasting sadness due to great loss, all around.
In truth, love doth not suddenly explode. A long series of firecrackers snap, crackle and pop before the fireworks finale bursts through that slow burning hole in an unbalanced relationship's foundation.
Riddle:
Why do the egos of loving people bite those they love most? Several reasons:
No line of control in our homes. In lieu of self awareness, we pay less mind to changing needs within our families than we do with friends. We have no clue when our egos slip out, take control of our minds, do our thinking, talking, listening and misperceiving of personal perception as fact—and then—slip back in. When egocentricity believes to know what's taking place, when all we see is the elephant's tail, heavy handed judgements drop on heads, which may have openly expressed exhaustion for quite some time. Or we don't believe ourselves in need of help, when help is what we need most of all.
In truth, the myopic ego has no clue of how often we perceive of ourselves and others as though through a funhouse mirror. Then in hopes of quelling feelings of subconscious guilt, the ego spins history by reconstructing memory so that certain details filter out and new ones fill in the blanks. And that's why the details that make up each story command astute review.
Each time the ego crosses the line, we lose control of the truth.
Though we often hear—perception is a person's reality—that does not mean perception lines up with the truth. Once again, perceptions jiggle like jello, while the truth stands firm. When two egos cross swords, a power struggle ensues between denial and reality until the truth stands victor in the end.
Once I came to recognize the universal consequence of human nature's double dealing thinking patterns, insight hit, and I began to see striking similarities between Annie's devastating breakup with Joseph and the devastating breakup of my marriage. At that point I made it my business, literally, to identify those times when denial gives rise to the blame game, where people, who believe to know all the facts, drop heavy-handed judgments onto each other's heads, divide into separate camps. The only way to become less judgmental is to ask questions and then reflect over which of your beliefs may be in need of review.
As my eagerness to entice people of both genders and all ages to sponge up the rewards of peaceable conflict resolution runs deep—I'm surprised whenever a story chokes on some subconscious fear that Mother Nature must have tucked inside a secret pocket of my mind during those times when one of life's scariest storms tested my younger (and thus half baked) strengths.
Sometimes I find myself saying, out loud: Message to logical side of brain—set me free! I have grown strong enough to handle the truth in depth! Then, knowing full well that my subconscious is not programmed to fess' up on command, I laugh at the folly of instructing my ego to slough off brittle layers of self defense, spontaneously. Once laughter blows frustration away, I depend upon logic to tunnel, patiently, through one defensive layer of self protection at a time. How many layers in all? As many as Mother Nature instructed my ego to amass throughout my lifetime.
By the way, can you guess why I'm eager to discuss my theories with young minds? Young minds develop, layer upon layer, like young bones. Whereas young, broken bones remodel with little effort, adult bones (like adult minds) have grown too brittle to form new growth patterns with ease. Hence the expression—no pain no gain.
So if we agree that the ego fears pain, then what are we to do? Garner the humility to sit our egos in time out chairs, thus allowing the logical side of our brains to listen up and fall in line with The Seven Dwarfs as they march into the mine, singing:
High ho, high ho, it's off to work we go—tunneling forth until we strike gold!
Riddle: What does this post have to do with moving my story forward?
Everything. As I work to communicate more openly and honestly with myself, I can communicate, more openly, honestly, easily, with you.
I mean look at it this way: If intelligent, well educated folk can't stop their egos from crashing head-on with the egos of those we love, then how realistic is it, as things stand today, to expect heads of state to resolve power struggles throughout the world? Not very. Why not?
Logic solves conflicts, but egos run the world. And ...
Every mind is blind to those times when the ego slips out, crosses the line, and stealthily slips back in.
What line? The line where logic, self control, and consideration for each other's deepest fears are addressed, all around.
As for now, I hope my desire to stir a grass roots movement, where conflicts may be peaceably resolved, seems as logical and crucial to you as it does to me. You see, adults must develop new patterns of self control (ego-control) with consistency if we hope to role model high principled values, because: Monkey see monkey do. Monkey hear monkey say. Little Monkeys who feel respected by Big Monkeys, who respect each other, are more likely to grow up, reflecting respect, in return. In short, if we want to feed our values to our kids, then we need to swallow our pride and do as we say.
If it's true that talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words, then 'followthrough', is more likely to soak into spongy, young brains during a child's impressionable years.
This post, concerning ego control, has been written to highlight my hope that those of you, raising tomorrow's leaders, may see the folly of shoving conflicts under rugs. When push comes to shove, ignoring power struggles is like closing our eyes to cancer until it's beyond curing at stage four.
On the other hand, if no hint of a power struggle or denial or the blame game or even one red, hot coal of repressed frustration exists in your home—if your subconscious is bare of secrets placed in pockets, if no narrow minded dis-ease can be found hiding under rugs, anywhere, pleease bottle this miracle drug that you want us to swallow, sell it on Amazon, and we'll all be enriched! Ouch! Just stood up to stretch and guess what happened? Bumped my head against denial, again!
At those times when life gets confusing, the road seems too bumpy, my ego feels wounded, my spirit, limp and lumpy, and I act like GRUMPY, thank God, I can choose to flip that coin inside my head and 'spend' my time and energy searching for insights that blow dark clouds of subconscious fear away. Ever since Snow White fell asleep, DOC stopped prescribing an apple a day. Instead, here's what he tells GRUMPY, day after day: When you want to get high, these drugs can't be beat:
I mean look at it this way: If intelligent, well educated folk can't stop their egos from crashing head-on with the egos of those we love, then how realistic is it, as things stand today, to expect heads of state to resolve power struggles throughout the world? Not very. Why not?
Logic solves conflicts, but egos run the world. And ...
Every mind is blind to those times when the ego slips out, crosses the line, and stealthily slips back in.
What line? The line where logic, self control, and consideration for each other's deepest fears are addressed, all around.
As for now, I hope my desire to stir a grass roots movement, where conflicts may be peaceably resolved, seems as logical and crucial to you as it does to me. You see, adults must develop new patterns of self control (ego-control) with consistency if we hope to role model high principled values, because: Monkey see monkey do. Monkey hear monkey say. Little Monkeys who feel respected by Big Monkeys, who respect each other, are more likely to grow up, reflecting respect, in return. In short, if we want to feed our values to our kids, then we need to swallow our pride and do as we say.
If it's true that talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words, then 'followthrough', is more likely to soak into spongy, young brains during a child's impressionable years.
This post, concerning ego control, has been written to highlight my hope that those of you, raising tomorrow's leaders, may see the folly of shoving conflicts under rugs. When push comes to shove, ignoring power struggles is like closing our eyes to cancer until it's beyond curing at stage four.
On the other hand, if no hint of a power struggle or denial or the blame game or even one red, hot coal of repressed frustration exists in your home—if your subconscious is bare of secrets placed in pockets, if no narrow minded dis-ease can be found hiding under rugs, anywhere, pleease bottle this miracle drug that you want us to swallow, sell it on Amazon, and we'll all be enriched! Ouch! Just stood up to stretch and guess what happened? Bumped my head against denial, again!
At those times when life gets confusing, the road seems too bumpy, my ego feels wounded, my spirit, limp and lumpy, and I act like GRUMPY, thank God, I can choose to flip that coin inside my head and 'spend' my time and energy searching for insights that blow dark clouds of subconscious fear away. Ever since Snow White fell asleep, DOC stopped prescribing an apple a day. Instead, here's what he tells GRUMPY, day after day: When you want to get high, these drugs can't be beat:
Clarity, humility, community, laughter and joy
P.S. As some trains of thought tend to go on and on, picture me whistling while popping corn and mining for gold ... uh ... on second thought, my brain needs a break, and I'll bet yours does, too, so let's hope this train pulls into the next station, really soon!
J
P.S. As some trains of thought tend to go on and on, picture me whistling while popping corn and mining for gold ... uh ... on second thought, my brain needs a break, and I'll bet yours does, too, so let's hope this train pulls into the next station, really soon!
J
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