Thank goodness I've been writing about complexities, which confuse our minds, because, right now, I can't figure myself out. In short, my brain is stuck. I can't make it work. I feel less centered. Less peaceful.
For the past several days I've been trying to write the end of BULLY FOR ME. Though I've revealed that my defense system had raised a shield against pain, I'm beginning to wonder how much of that pain is still locked behind a door inside my head that's solidly stuck!
Though I've talked about this experience, from time to time, it's becoming apparent that:
Perhaps I can't bare this part of the story until I part with the pain that was too great to bear when I was a child.
If, in truth, I'm still blocking a storehouse of misery then this mental block makes sense. In short, I can't write objectively with clarity while my subconscious is processing through which details to filter through the protective wall that separates a silo of residual pain from my conscious mind.
As I did not expect to flood with static while writing this story, perhaps my blog mirrors my life in this way: I cruise in clear waters until an emotional fog blows in from the past, causing me to lose my way—today. For example, while being bullied I acted fine but felt worthless. As I know myself to be far from worthless and as I'm eager to write this story, perhaps today's confusion reflects repressed feelings of worthlessness in the process of unblocking, at last!
Good grief—all I'd planned to do was finish one story before starting another.
Instead I've got more work cut out for me than I knew. (See what I mean about this blog mirroring life?)
The truth lies deeper than that which meets the eye.
So once again, I'll retreat to Walden Pond until my mind feels free of inner conflict ... uh on second thought, perhaps I'll continue to show up to offer you a taste of what takes place when I wrap myself within a cocoon in order to work (focus) painstakingly upon transforming confusion into clarity.
In this way, you are free to choose to read into my mind or check back, from time to time, to see if the next part of my story has popped out ...
For the past several days I've been trying to write the end of BULLY FOR ME. Though I've revealed that my defense system had raised a shield against pain, I'm beginning to wonder how much of that pain is still locked behind a door inside my head that's solidly stuck!
Though I've talked about this experience, from time to time, it's becoming apparent that:
Discussing pain and releasing pain are not one and the same.
Perhaps I can't bare this part of the story until I part with the pain that was too great to bear when I was a child.
If, in truth, I'm still blocking a storehouse of misery then this mental block makes sense. In short, I can't write objectively with clarity while my subconscious is processing through which details to filter through the protective wall that separates a silo of residual pain from my conscious mind.
As I did not expect to flood with static while writing this story, perhaps my blog mirrors my life in this way: I cruise in clear waters until an emotional fog blows in from the past, causing me to lose my way—today. For example, while being bullied I acted fine but felt worthless. As I know myself to be far from worthless and as I'm eager to write this story, perhaps today's confusion reflects repressed feelings of worthlessness in the process of unblocking, at last!
Good grief—all I'd planned to do was finish one story before starting another.
Instead I've got more work cut out for me than I knew. (See what I mean about this blog mirroring life?)
The truth lies deeper than that which meets the eye.
So once again, I'll retreat to Walden Pond until my mind feels free of inner conflict ... uh on second thought, perhaps I'll continue to show up to offer you a taste of what takes place when I wrap myself within a cocoon in order to work (focus) painstakingly upon transforming confusion into clarity.
In this way, you are free to choose to read into my mind or check back, from time to time, to see if the next part of my story has popped out ...
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