1373 25H's HOORAY FOR FIREWORKS IN THE SKY INSTEAD OF INSIDE OUR MINDS

With today being the 4th of July
I can't think of a more fitting time
To liberate your conscious mind from feeling
Haunted by your misperceived self assessment, which
(Having been repressed from conscious awareness during childhood)
Emerges from within your subconscious as
Onslaughts of yesteryear's undeserved guilt, which
Manifest as spikes of anxiety that pierce peace of mind so
Deeply as to hijack your Neo cortex before your think tank can
Reflect over the valuable, self respecting, lovable adult, whom
Deeper truth suggests that you've certainly grown up to be ...
And as it's time to decorate Tony's and Ray's bikes for
Their neighborhood's 4th of July parade
I'll sign off for today, with a resounding ...
Hip hip hooray for the myriad of liberties that
We enjoy across the wide expanse of the USA!

1373 25H's. HOW LONG HAS YOUR CONSCIOUS AWARENESS BEEN BLIND TO A SUBCONSCIOUS CONUNDRUM THAT INVADES PEACE OF MIND?

If you're thinking that spikes of anxiety dogged me quite
Frequently until recently, that was actually not true for this reason:
Early on, I grew so accustomed to blindly complying
Cheerfully with everything others came to
Expect of me that my presence drew smiles wherever I'd go, suggesting
Why eruptions of anxiety (based in my unidentified fear of frowns)
Proved a rarity, and if a problem did arise, my conscious awareness
Dived so quickly behind my shield of denial as to subconsciously repress
Anxious reactiveness until deeper truth, tapping into unidentified fear
Seeped through my defensive wall in the dark of night, causing me to
Awaken, itching like crazy to get out of my skin ... But as long as
No one, including me, caught wind of so much as even
One conscious clue of the fact that pockets of personal anguish, secreted
Behind the surface of my smile, had darkened a sweet natured, little girl's
Self perception so much as to 'see' herself as having been
So unworthy of love as to feel compelled to scratch
Through the surface layers of her skin so as to expose
The rawness of pain, festering behind her many-layered
Wall of denial, which persisted until the existence of
An unprocessed (unexamined) conundrum, which, having been
Subconsciously submerged, bamboozled everyone in
Her extended family who believed that
All was well with Annie, suggestive of this fact:
Just as we don't know what goes on behind closed doors
Deeper truth suggests that conscious awareness has no clue as to
What goes on behind the wall of denial that divides
Your brain and mine into two separate parts
(One part proving itself to be as bright, courageous and strong
As the other side proves every bit as darkly fearful and vulnerable to
'Attack' as had been true during childhood, when over-reactive giants
Ruled your little corner of the world and mine) and thus do
The conscious portions of our brains remain blind to
Childhood's subconsciously buried fears, which undermine
Adult peace of mind until a matured sense of readiness spurs
Intuitive trains of thought to embark upon an insight-driven quest to
Deepen self awareness by inspiring the conscious portion of our minds to
Tunnel toward 'forgotten' memories, secreted subconsciously, which
Upon resurfacing, shine surprising spotlights on insights that
Empower your think tank with knowledge, concerning
Unidentified fears in need of addressing so that
Your self assessment begins to rebalance until such time as
Your spirit feels wholly revitalized in ways that not
Been possible after over-reactive parenting had caused
A good child to feel so bad as to have charged oneself as feeling
Too guilt-ridden to feel worthy of love, suggesting why each time
Personal unmet needs raised their disregarded little heads, your
Conscious awareness remained blind to differentiating between
Guilt due to wrong doing, right now, vs the haunting, daunting
Natural re-emergence of guilt, left unprocessed, repressed, unresolved
And thus festering every bit as rawly as to recreate anxiety, today, as
Had been true during childhood, when a good, little girl
Had been made to feel like a criminal convicted
By loved ones to serve a life sentences of guilt to pay penitence for
Having been so unacceptably imperfect as to have been caught
Red handed, at wrong doing that, upon reflection, proves as benign
As sneaking a piece of candy after having been told not to taste it under
Penalty of feeling love (and thus, emotional safety) withdrawn
Suggesting that harsh measures need not rise to tragic proportions before
A child's subconscious misperception of parental angst casts such a
Darkly distressed shadow of doom, looming directly over head as to
Make a frightened child tOe the mark, unknowingly, throughout
Every stage of life ... Unless some star-studded, mesmerizing experience
Serves to ignite an insight-driven, intuitive quest that, step by step, liberates
A person's conscious awareness from remaining blind to
Subconscious guilt, so that, over time, a place of deeper truth, which
Penetrates straight down into the center of the soul is ultimately revealed ...

1373 23H's EACH TIME OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS, HOLDING FORTH AN OFFER OF JOY, I OPEN MY MIND AS WELL AS MY HEART

Just took Tony and Ray to see FINDING DORI
The importance of the 3R's is injected throughout
The storyline of this film ... Not reading, writing and arithmetic
But rather ... Rescue, Rehabilitation and Release in that
With the help of her friends ...
Dori RESCUES herself from feeling lost and alone by ...
REHABILITATING her loss of memory, and
As years pass in which Dori never gives up working to achieve
Her heartfelt goal, we have sound reason to cheer when
She RELEASES her fear of never embracing
Her loved ones, again, suggesting why
A sweet, little blue fish, named Dori
Had lots in common with a little girl, named Annie ...
With this caveat ...
Dori, aware of her memory loss
Asked for help while facing trial after trial
Whereas Annie, having no clue of having lost her way
Did not think to seek help until she grew up, and
Even then ... As long as her loss of specific memories escaped
Conscious awareness, Annie remained blind to this fact:
While her chronological age advanced through each next stage of life
Her emotional intelligence remained stuck, as though
Swimming through an ocean of denial as thick as quicksand, where
Darkly perceived, unidentified fears stimulated
Subconscious spikes of anxiety that continued to
Limit her choices and sink her spirit until fairly recently ...

1373 22H's IF YOUR THIRST FOR DEEPER TRUTH MATCHES MINE, THEN ...

I wonder if you've ever asked yourself:  What happens each time
The dark side of our subconscious usurps control over our perceptions?

Since perceptions influence the direction of our decisions
The darker the perception, the more limited our view of choices becomes

As in:  I can't do this or I can't say that (Why not?  Because subconscious fear

Emerging as spikes of anxiety, perceives danger closing in on all sides)

Whereas fear based perceptions are so dark as to see only disaster directly ahead
Well balanced perceptions expand closed mindsets to create workable plans

The well balanced mind comes to recognizes anxiety as a cautionary measure, alerting
The expansive nature of our comfort zones to relax without growing lax

As narrow comfort zones grow more expansively relaxed, and darkened perceptions
Tend to lighten and brighten, black or white choices transform into a joyous array of colors

Once a darkened perception lightens and brightens, our think tanks, which had

Feared disastrous dead ends, grow so clear as to see sunny freeways ahead

Just as I wasn't born with strings of insight shining spotlights on
Self empowering slices of knowledge, which lighten my dark perceptions ...

I wasn't born with subconscious (unidentified) pain
Haunting my brain's conscious sense of inner peace, because

Unidentified pain, borne during childhood, festers and
Lurks within deeply repressed hidden pockets of the subconscious

The fact that unidentified pain haunted a good little girl's spirit propelled
My conscious intelligence to gain intuitive insight into creating a technicolored life

Thank goodness, the partnership, connecting intelligence with intuitive insight
Directed my conscious mind to spend many years drinking in therapy until ...

The self motivated nature of my mind's thirst for deeper truth inspired
Closed mindsets (based in subconscious fears, which had narrowed my choices) to

Pinpoint specific childhood experiences, which had darkened my perception of
My self assessment in ways that my undeveloped think tank could not fathom 

Please make no mistake, I'm not suggesting that you need therapy, though
It's true that no one leaves childhood unscathed by unidentified insecurities

I'm suggesting that a well balanced mind perceives of anxiety as a cautionary sign of

Need to tread into the great unknown mindful of self control ... On the other hand ...

Self control doth not equate with closing the door on the great unknown, which
Awaits to offer your darkened self perception the missing  key to ...

Unlocking the mysterious nature of the unidentified fear, which narrowed your
Perception of choices ever since ...

 An over reactive, beloved adult made you feel too bad for your own good, and
And with that clearly said ...

Iftoday's post doesn't offer you a soul searching sense of insight into
Food for thought then ... after I pack my traveling bag, I'll eat my hat!

1373 21H's THOUGH RESISTANCE REMAINS PERSISTENT ...

Though resistance to penning a descriptive post proves persistent
My heart feels sunny side up whenever this next thought floats my boat:
I have a play date planned with Ravi, today!  Hooray!

In case you wonder why today's post will not serve up
Even one new insight to nourish our minds with food for thought
I'm here to say that, upon awakening, this morning
My brain, which, as you know, has a mind of its own
Saw fit to slip today's insights into yesterday's post, and
With that said, I'll exit stage left before
You start throwing tomatoes at my corny head ...

1373 20H's PATIENCE UNTIL READINESS RIPENS PAYS OFF

Me thinks I've not yet revealed strings of insight as to why my brief stay in the Midwest saw the sincerity of my spirit's smile brighten, hour by hour ... On the flip side of that coin, it's also true that each time I confronted my mirror, during that fleeting weekend, my face offered my think tank a sign of this fact:  An unidentified source of mental unrest was brewing within the depths of my mind, and I'd planned to offer you a detailed description of both sides of that coin, today; however I awoke feeling resistant to writing for any length of time.

With past experience as my guide, I've learned to honor resistance until readiness unlocks a door as though inviting my present state of mind to wander into the expansive depths of my soul where whispers of deeper truth, concerning unmet needs awaiting release, begin to sing, right out loud.

Once denial's resistance can no longer dismiss the persistent existence of my heart's unmet needs, deeper truth invites my conscious mind to walk tall through that unlocked door where the smiling presence of readiness invites my mindset to expand so naturally as to embrace change for the better, which has patiently awaited my arrival, knowing that, one day, personal need would speak so clearly as to reveal this truth, which my soul has always known:
The human brain is born with the potential to make such sound use of its grey matter as to develop the depth of thought that proves necessary to successfully juggle opposing emotions, simultaneously, suggesting why a well balanced think tank tends to cultivate a technicolored life while a think tank that adheres to narrow mindsets, which limit the scope of conscious awareness to black or white, tends to get stuck, spinning its wheels in a rut that deepens mental frustrations as we age, and now that I've served up that morsel of food for thought, here's another:  Strings of insight, which nourish the soul, were added to yesterday's post ...

1373 19H's BY THE WAY, HAVE I MENTIONED THAT ...

So, yesterday, I ran out of time before
Finishing this next train of thought:

BTW, have I mentioned that ...
While standing before Will, straight and 'tall' as though
Symbolizing the fact that a portion of my think tank was
In the process of grounding my sense of wholeness to
Stand on my own two feet, my self assessment was
Taking a huge leap of faith, by investing
My host of personal strengths with a deeper sense of
Self confident determination to free my sunny spirit from
Plunging so suddenly into future episodes of PTSD, which
Had formerly sucked my think tank into
The darkly stormy whirlpool of unnamed despair so
Completely that over the next several weeks, I, feeling
Mentally daunted, emotionally dispirited and
Physically exhausted from relentless muscular tension
Could do nothing more than free intuitive trains of
Thought to tunnel ever more deeply through
Layers of denial until insight ignited, cracking
Through the next layer of my defensive wall, freeing
That ghost-like detail, which had leaped out of and
Then back into subconscious (forgotten) memory
So quickly as to scare my conscious mind half
Out of my wits before my think tank could register that
Fearsome detail in conscious memory, so the fact that
I could not remember how our alarm functions but
Did remember the rape dream, suggests that this
Most recent (briefest) episode of PTSD proved
Different from all that came before, because
The sudden uprising of yesteryear's unidentified fear
Did not swallow my think tank whole, answering why
The courage of my convictions, ringing right out loud as
Clear as a bell, inspired my inner strengths to empower
The self assertive portion of my voice with the natural vitality to
Jet propel these next heartfelt statements through the air as though
Straight from the depths of my soul:
NO ONE'S EVER GOING TO THROW ME IN THE GARBAGE, AGAIN!
AND I'LL NEVER THROW MYSELF IN THE GARBAGE IF I CAN'T
WIN A LOVED ONE'S SMILE!
On the other hand, if the truth be told, I did not
Go on to state aloud, every additional declaration of
Change for the better written into the story, because
Deeper truth suggests that all of those declarations
Were embodied within the 'no more garbage' statements, which
Saw my strength of spirit liberating my whole self from
The subconsciously self imposed, unidentified life sentence of
Bondage that had charged the innocent mind of a child of three
Guilty of such unforgivable 'crimes' as to have
Condemned herself to walk through life with
A bag over her head, blinding her conscious awareness from
Acknowledging the mental block that had not offered
The adult she grew to be even one clue of the fact that
Before her third birthday, a portion of her brain had been
Sucked into a bottomless black hole, where
Behind her sparkling persona MY self confident smile would
Drown, from time to time, in whirlpools of silent tears flooding
Forth from a place of unidentified anguish during
The dark of night until EMDR therapy empowered
My conscious mind to tap ever more deeply into
My intuitive power of self trust, which
Partnering with patience, emotional intelligence, and
Knowledge set out on a mindful quest that has
Rummaged through the closet of my mind in hopes of
Finding the misplaced set of skeleton keys, which have been
Unlocking door after door within each next layer of
My defense system's wall of denial, until, ultimately
My mental block has felt reason to ease enough to release
Forgotten details, which have been stealthily conveyed from
Subconscious storage on trains of consciousness raising
Intuitive thoughts, which offer me insight into parcels of
Baggage in serious need of unloading, thus empowering
The conscious mind of the adult I have grown to be to
Take the bag off my head, thus freeing
The sweet natured, traumatized three year old child
(Whose deeply repressed, darkened self assessment had
Subconsciously emerged as frightened spikes anxiety)
To take hold of my self confident hand as, together
The knowledgable adult and wide eyed innocence of
The traumatized child I had been, conspire with the power of
Intuition to continue to clear baggage out of
Subconscious storage files, where upon my restrengthening
Sense of wholesomeness works to carve a well balanced
Path upon which change for the better has taken
Countless small steps toward achieving
This huge leap of faith that has (hopefully) freed us both from
Yesteryear's haunting, daughting unnamed fear of never being
Good enough to feel worthy of love—toward feeling
Every bit as worthy of love as she and I, embracing
Our newfound sense of wholeness, feel worthy of self respect, and
Fortunately, this most current leap of faith took place before
I boarded that jet to the Midwest on Friday, so by the time
I'd landed in my home town, where I hugged
My extended family, close to my heart
My spirit sang with a deeper sense of inner repose than
Had been possible over these past seven decades, ever since
Grandpa's and Janet's inexplicable disappearances had served to
Stunt a portion of my psyche's personal growth with PTSD, which
Thank goodness, has finally been correctly diagnosed, because
The smart heart of a tot can't heal from severe internal injuries until
The main source of the mind and spirit's raw, oozing wounds have been
Revealed, and now that my power of intuition has pulled this
Insight-driven train of thought into today's rest station, perhaps
Upon awakening, tomorrow, I'll have time to create change for the better by
Simplifying complex trains of thought, thus easing our absorption
Of strings of insight, which emerged when intuition signaled me of
Readiness to share AN ALARMING SHORT STORY with you
Then again, it's possible that between today and tomorrow
Fate will step in and redirect my mind toward
Formulating a whole different plan, and with that thought in mind
I am reminded, yet again, why patience and flexibility partner up ...