1357 INSIGHTS ARE STUBBORN, STICKY LITTLE THINGS!

Last night, intuition whispered into my open ear while the rest of me slept so peacefully that strings of interconnected insights came tumbling out of my mind faster than conscious awareness could awaken, and since today's string of insights (offering glimpses into evolutionary religious changes) saw fit to land within post 1356—I see why these little buggers tend to be stubborn, sticky, little things that act as if they have minds of their own.

If you ask what makes me say such a thing, I'll reply:  Once a post is published, I choose to read it to absorb its main point more deeply than had been possible while my mind was engaged with the writing process, suggesting that irritation is aroused when my intent to be reading rather than rewriting feels thwarted.  In addition to feeling conflicted over irritating myself, I do not seek to irritate readers by recommending backtracking, repeatedly.

Though I respect the fact that intuition continues to direct my think tank to free insights to land wherever my sixth sense feels need to simplify layers of historical complexity, inner conflict causes my emotional reactivity to intensify, because I fear that you, like me, may become so irritated with suggestions to reread this post or that one as to stop following my blog ... And as you know, reacting fearfully or guiltily bugs me to no end.  In fact, each time insights emerge while I'm reading for absorption, forcing my hand to edit, yet again, I hear myself say:  Oh no, here it comes!  Another string of those little buggers, which are sure to buzz around inside my head until I agree to slide each one into this published post where it's most likely to strengthen the reader's absorption of clarity, concerning the main point that I'd worked to highlight, yesterday.

Thank goodness, thoughts, concerning clarity, trump fear, and as this change in my attitude resolves inner conflict, my mind musters the patience to trump irritation, illustrating this fact:  My brain, which serves as an emotional storehouse for unresolved abandonment issues, also contains a storehouse of knowledge, which empowers my decision-making process to listen up when common sense suggests the necessity of mustering the courage to sit my fear of abandonment in time out, freeing my smarts to remember to rouse a well-balanced view of my newly healed self image, and each time my re-adjusted self image remains clearly in view of my mind's eye, inner conflict resolves and inner peace is mine ... until the very next day when the same unplanned process of editing a previously published post pops up, offering my brain countless opportunities to practice enhancing my ability to differentiate between my little voice of fear vs intuitive thought, encouraging negative focus to embrace change for the better by empowering my decision-making process to consult with independent thought much more often than when my defensive attitude's wall of denial had blinded my conscious awareness to need to readjust my self image to match today's positively focused reality.  Whew!  

And so, each time intuitive thought (trumping a fear-based mindset)  compels me to edit a published post, repeatedly (as proves true of the one I'm rewriting, right now), My brain, working as a well-balanced whole, tells my irritation to see itself as an oyster, creating a pearl, and as that change in attitude wins my smile, negativity is quick to clam up.  Okay, I'm outahere before more of that sappy, cornball stuff seeps out, turning my gray matter into mush ...

1356 INTUITIVE TRAINS OF THOUGHT OFFER OPEN MINDS REASON TO CONTEMPLATE INSIGHTS LEADING TOWARD INTERCONNECTIVE CHANGE FOR THE BETTER

This the first time since birthing my blog that a week has past without posting even one new train of thought.  That's not to say that the train has stopped running.  In fact, streams of conscious thoughts have been penned (but not posted) during these past several days while Will and I have been on the coast, enjoying time spent with Barry, Marie, Tony, Ray, David and David's Little Brother, Brant, who, at seventeen, has grown taller in height than all of 'my' men as well as his having grown taller in pride after achieving straight A's.

Will and I flew to the coast to celebrate Tony's sixth birthday, and though saying good bye when the boys left for school, this morning, proved as sad as saying hello had seen our spirits jumping for joy when we'd arrived, there's sweetness in knowing that everyone, including Brant, plans to fly to the desert, next month.

Amazing how three families (Celina's, Marie's, and ours) have succeeded in mustering connective attitudes, which have, so far, freed us to meld cultural and religious differences in this positively focused fashion:  After celebrating Tony's birthday, on Friday, which included coloring Easter Eggs, we chose to join in the fun of an Easter egg hunt, on Saturday, freeing Tony and Ray to celebrate their holiday, happily, with their dad's family, on Sunday.

Looking forward to April, Will and I, Steven, Celina and Stessa, Celina's mom and uncle and several of our friends, whom we embrace as family, are eager to welcome Barry, Marie, Tony, Ray, David and Brant, who plan to fly in and gather round our dining table, where three generations, comprising more than one religious ideology, plan to enjoy Passover, together.

I have a theory about the origin of religious differences, which, I've freely discussed in mixed company, countless times, though that train of thought has not yet been posted ...

Once stream of consciousness plugs into intuitive trains of thought, I find my mind switching tracks in this way:  Rather than contemplating differences in religious ideologies, which have continued to evolve, over thousands of years, I find myself reflecting over similarities, such as these:
When considering Easter and Passover ...
Both holidays symbolize the human spirit refusing to bow to governmental oppression
Both holidays revere the existential belief of freeing our souls from narrow mindedness 
Both holidays commemorate the freedom to think as individuals with separate beliefs
Both holidays take place during Spring, with eggs, symbolizing rebirth of new life

Moses, who chose to lead the Jewish people out of slavery in the Middle East
Celebrated the first Passover as a testimony to religious (and political) freedom
Jesus's last supper (with friends, who'd grown to feel like family)
Celebrated Passover before submitting to torture as testimony to need of religious freedom
Joan of Arc chose burning over capitulating to tyranny during The Spanish Inquisition
The Great (?) Crusades were known to pillage, rape and murder with religious (?) fervor
If Moses, Jesus, Joan, and Richard swooped down, along with Socrates, to
Grace our Seder with their presence, I'm sure they'd suggest that
One and all consider the improbability of world peace talks evolving toward
Possibility until 'extended family' considers the fact that thousands of years of
Animosity have built up countless layers of negatively focused, defensive
War-like attitudes, which must be set aside in favor of backtracking through history if
Both sides are to gain flashes of insight into reconciling to the fact that naught
Has been gained by 5,000 years of religious wars, other than sorrowful
Loss of life, blistering mutilation and eons of festering pain, infecting generations of

Men, women and children with explosions of unresolved PTSD ...
And with that said, today's train of thought turns to Ramadan (also known as
Ramadhan or Ramzan), celebrated during the ninth month of
The Islamic calendar, at which time (as with Yom Kippur), this holiday offers those of
The Muslim faith a period of prayer, fasting, charity-giving and self accountability

Ever wonder why the Pope wears a yalmukah?

And now that today's post has offered hints of that which streams through my mind (when I'm in synagogue or find myself an invited guest at a church wedding), concerning changes within religious ideologies, which have continued to evolve over thousands of years, intuitive thought suggests quieting my voice so that you can listen, more closely, in case your voice of intuition dares to whisper of insight-driven trains of thought cycling round inside your head, which may, over time, sing harmonically with mine ...

Thank goodness Mother Nature saw fit to make us the gift of two ears so that at those times when one ear remains closed to trains of thought that differ from those, which you or I had been raised to uphold above all others, intriguing ideas, concerning deeper truths, may circle round your head until thoughts that oppose your own make so much sense as to gain entrance into your open ear, where ideas, worthy of independent contemplation, may tunnel ever more deeply through your grey matter until they reach the pass-through window, leading into the open minded side of your brain, which taps into your existential need to quest toward deeper truths, which walls of denial are known to block from conscious awareness until, low and behold, flashes of readiness clear the way for these truths to begin to emerge from subconscious storage, at which time The Bard, sensing the welcoming breeze of change-for-the-better, wafting through the desert's sunlit sky, may choose to spread his wings and swoop down to occupy Elijah's chair, causing every eye—taught to absorb religious belief from differing points of view—to pop with disbelief as each person, seated at our Passover table, feels utterly mesmerized to see this literary icon, shaking his head from East to West before focusing his piercing stare upon penetrating the most tender spot of each one's heart as the spirit of The Bard offers up this insight into deeper truth whence his literary bent thinks to ask us to ponder upon this fifth question, when only four had been asked before:

Alas ... Blind souls, must thy generation pass the warring baton to the younger generation when insight, over countless generations has never failed to spotlight the fact that, sages continue to implore leadership to educate their populous in hopes of empowering the innate intelligence of men, women and children to retire much ado about nothing in favor of savoring life in a world where common sense directs religious and political leaders to truly inspire the better side of human nature to care as soulfully for one and all as we learn to take good care of personal friends during their times of need so that, rather than acting out (like extended family, who can't get along with siblings or in-laws, because one faction insists on playing immature mind control games with their brethren), we can actually invest our smarts and money into relieving worldwide misery, at long last ... I mean, seriously, being role models, mustn't we stop stagnating as leaders by invigorating our maturity levels to seek insight into methods of conflict resolution that prove effective with family at home, with our neighbors, next door, and finally, amongst politicians, before we can hope to mend relations amongst nations on a global scope, thus achieving world peace, sometime in the distant future when a humanitarian frame of mind has grown so expansive that visions of enjoying a peaceful existence match reality, working toward that long range goal, one step at a time?

(Though Socrates [being an orator, who knows that people can listen attentively for only so long] might edit that soliloquy quite a bit, The Bard [being a writer] proves to be as fruitful with words as is true of me.)

With positive focus envisioning the blessed event of world peace actually coming to pass, future contenders, vying for Miss America's tiara, will be forced to make astute use their noodles during televised moments when the host of the pageant asks this bevy of beauties to expose what's on their minds (other than mustering the humility to weep, prettily, while being crowned) ... And now that my train of thought has somehow switched tracks from profound contemplation toward girlish-silliness, which held our nation spellbound at an earlier time when every little girl coveted the bouquet of roses that accompanied Miss America's crown while every little boy longed to be an athlete, policeman, fireman, lion tamer or President of the USA, let's throw my brain's engine into reverse and back up in time to save my train of intelligent thought from growing so nonsensical as to waste your time and mine by spinning words that make no sense, at all ...

Though there's always need for levity to balance life's miseries, my mind can't veer too far from thoughts of Pakistan and Brussels in need of healing while the voting populous of our nation pops beer cans while listening to potential political candidates debating over the size of a possible presidential penis, based upon the small-minded grasp of a man's mind, followed by a smear campaign, concerning which wife will trump the other if crowned fairest First Lady in the land ... I mean, seriously, whether your table is graced with ham or matzoh balls, I'm sure you'd agree with my need to say: God help us, one and all!

Upon reflection, examples of free speech, running wild from podium to podium, frees my conscience of concern over comparing my train of thought with our nation's political runaway train, which continues to prove so immature as to crash, head on, into one defensive wall after another, illustrating how blind each of us tends to be to oneself when depth in self awareness is lacking, though book smart we may be, suggesting why a deeper understanding of world history and a whale of positively focused patience need to be absorbed by both East and West before visions of world peace and reality, match—as the time line continues to evolve ...

And if you ask for my deeply considered opinion, concerning our darkly colored vision of world wide strife, which the bent of my mind feels need to brighten, I'd reply:  Each many layered train of thought, which intuition empowers my mind to write, highlights insight into the global scope of our lives, today, and I've come to believe that a sense of farsightedness has opened my mind to absorbing this deeper truth as fact:  Despite all of the horrors of world wide misery, as witnessed by hindsight, on a massive scale, we've also played witness to succeeding generations working to create change for the better, inching forward on the time line, upon which, history has been written, all along—and in nations, which fail to learn to heed history's lessons, each next generation suffers as did the last—and thus must the West remain ever more courageously involved in educating the masses, comprising third world countries, who look to us for leadership that proves intellectually educated and so emotionally mature as to discipline one's mouth from jumping track, like a run away train, whose think tank has not yet developed an effective Line of Self Control that's empowered to sit an egocentric attitude in time out ...

1355 YESTERDAY

Yesterday marks the anniversary of the day when
Twenty-three year old Will carried his twenty-two year old bride
Over the threshold of married life, where

Two beginner adults would spend the first twenty-five years of
Their union unaware of all they each had need to learn about
Their own and each other's fears until both felt inspired to muster
The courage and patience to gain the knowledge that proved
Necessary to free their psyches of secrets, so painful as to
Have been buried behind defensive walls during childhood, and
As long as neither had a conscious clue of need to identify
Secrets, locked away from self awareness, neither could
Make astute use of intelligence to tap into intuitive
Trains of thought, which shine bright spotlights of insight
On deeper truths, highlighting the haunting nature of each one's
Subconscious fears until they'd worked with a 'coach', versed
In EMDR therapy, at which time their eyes opened to
The primary reasons why undercurrents of combustible tension
Festering painfully ever since childhood, had created
A great divide, splitting two people, who
Loved each other, into separate camps until—thankfully
Over time, Will and I both felt reason to learn how to dismantle
Our own defensive walls, which, layering up within
Every person's mind, blind conscious awareness from
Recognizing certain vulnerabilities until personal experiences
Which had catalyzed the development of divisive defensiveness
Had been identified, understood and disassembled, freeing

The inherent intelligence of both minds to aknowledge and disempower
Subconscious fears of unworthiness (which continued to
Discombobulate Will's sense of inner peace and mine until
Our distorted views of our self image had been reconstructed to
Match reality), at which time we'd both felt so free of yesteryear's
Unhealed pain as to have set emotional reactiveness aside so
Naturally that, as defensive walls fell away, both minds opened to
Discussing unmet needs calmly, rationally and thus, attentively
(Some of which prove universal in nature, while others prove

Unique to Will or to me, because people, like snowflakes, are not
Born to become clones of one another.  I mean, how bored
Would you be, awakening, every day, to see a carbon copy of
Yourself, staring back?). Thankfully, Will and I chose to quest
Ever more deeply into self awareness, so rather than
Blindly sweeping another twenty-five years worth of combustible
Emotional reactivity under the rug, we worked to recreate
A lasting sense of friendship, and thus did a man and woman, whose
Relationship had grown to feel painfully discordant to
Both, achieve harmony by opening both minds to learning how
To Make beautiful music, together as each chose to spend
These last twenty-five years identifying and honoring
Unmet needs—some of which we share ... some not ... and
Resultant of both spirits, inspiring each other to tune into a
Life long quest to deepen our understanding of one another and
Ourselves, our grown sons continue to absorb the fact that
Both of their primary role models have freely chosen to work toward
Resolving depths of emotional confusion so mindfully as to have
Mustered the patience and positive focus to identify
Subconscious fears, which, left to fester in the dark side of the mind
Would have bred a brittle sense of bitterness or divorce (which
Breeds bitterness, as well), and knowing that Will and i
Made good use of our smarts to outsmart defensive reactiveness
I'm delighted to reflect back over the resulting sweetness of our
Courageous quest to follow Socrates's sage advice, which
In addition to offering every person in our family
Reason to bask in the heartfelt celebration of
Our 50th anniversary, has offered my spirit many reasons to
Smile but most especially because I've come to embrace this
Fact of life:  All brains do not think alike, suggesting
My having made peace with this reality:
The intuitive voice, which resides between my ears will continue to
Feel greater need to 'know myself' in depth than will be true of
Will, who'd rather debate sports' facts over identifying subconscious
Mindsets, any day of the week (No surprise about that!). And once
I'd truly embraced this deeper truth, which proves profound, concerning
My need to discern the main difference between Will's think tank and
Mine, my understanding of 'some things change while others do not' and
'Live and let live' has been enhanced by this next train of thought, which
Brightens my spirit as my mind's eye envisions the next quarter century of
Our treasured friendship continuing to unfold, one day at a time:
Our love for each other has learned to understand, dismantle and set
Layers of defensiveness aside in favor of holding hands with
Depths of mutual respect, concerning differences that
Make Will uniquely Will and me uniquely me ... And that thought
Makes me repeat: Who wants to awaken next to a clone of oneself, indeed?
As to our plan to party with immediate family, last night—well
Will has been fighting a nasty upper respiratory infection, over
These past few days, and since he'd felt washed out (and
As none of us has forgotten his hospitalization and
Lengthy recovery from pneumonia, several years back)
We wisely chose to put the kabbash on dining out ... However
Since his antibiotic had kicked in, suggesting contagion had passed
Will felt re-couped enough to enjoy dinner with
Celina, Steven, Ravi and yours truly in our kitchen, which
Celina had thoughtfully adorned with festive flowers and
Colorful balloons; and since it's the little things that count
My train of thought, concerning our family's chosen path toward
Embracing a healthy sense of mindful interconnectedness, energized
My spirit's surging sense of light hearted well-being, which
Shone forth so brightly from deep within my soul as to have
Dimmed anything that might have otherwise run interference with
Deeper truth, concerning our good fortune, and with that
Objective train of thought buoying my spirit, nothing could
Dampen our fiftieth (impossible) anniversary!
As to planning a full fledged, high flying celebration ...
Our 'kids' say that's in the works ...

1354 WHY IS TODAY DIFFERENT FROM ALL OTHER DAYS?

Today is a once in a lifetime day for Will and his bride ...
Can you guess why?

1353 ONLY ONE INTUITIVE INSIGHT FEELS NEED TO SPEAK ALOUD, TODAY

Though you may hear your 'little voice' suggesting that

Your comfort zone yearns to expand toward embracing the brass ring

Contradictive trains of thought may whisper of unreadiness to
Silence parent tapes, which persistently arouse unresolved fears, carried
forward, subconsciously, ever since you'd felt 'reason' to
Adopt a negatively focused attitude, concerning your self image, during
Childhood, and as long as this subconscious attitude remains unidentified
Your mind will feel battered by inner conflict, based in undeserved guilt, which
Will continue to devalue your self worth as long as your self assessment remains
Blind to your life-long need to re-evaluate the part you'd played in
The specific experience that had caused you to misjudge yourself as harshly as
My self-demeaning assessments had misjudged me ... which is why
No matter how good I was, I never felt good enough to embrace inner peace

With thoughts of inner conflict dividing each of our minds in half (as

Misconceived self assessment is wont to do), please trust me when
I say that unresolved guilt will continue to haunt your well being until
An intuitive train of thought offers your conscious awareness reason to
'Key' into a specific childhood memory, which, causing
The *depth of your emotional reaction* to adopt feelings of unworthiness
Have need to filter from subconscious storage through
Your wall of denial into your Tunnel of Readiness, where
Upon further reflection, an inuitive train of thought will ignite insight, showcasing
The electrifying sense of confounding discombobulation, which had
Shattered your connection to personal safety, at such a
Vulnerable stage of life as to have disempowered
Your sense of wholeness from feeling intact each time this subconscious memory
Flashing through your unconscious mind at the speed of light, reignites
The self-demeaning attitude that you'd unknowingly absorbed as your own, during
This mind blowing time when your defensive system felt need to erect
A wall of denial, and not until this defensive wall (which blocks
Your awareness from hearing your 'little' voice coaxing
Your conscious mind to listen for insight into deeper truth, concerning your need
To dismantled your wall of denial, layer by layer, will
Your true self worth be illuminated, thus brightening your intelligence to

Highlight a change for the better in your attitude's
Inaccurate, negatively focused self assessment, at last!

Once self awareness has identified the childhood experience, which had
Darkened your view of your character (causing you to fear exposing
Your personal vulnerability to emotion to yourself)
Your adult comprehension will come to see that parental outrage had caused
The vulnerable mind of a small child to quake with this deeply imprinted fear:
In the absence of strict obedience, he who fails to follow
Parental dictate to the letter of the law is destined to feel
Subconsciously worthless whenever this G-d-like presence
Casts a frown in your direction—
Once your adult comprehension exorcises this subconscious fear, which has
Dogged you since childhood, the dark spell that divides your mind in half—
One part- courage to adventure into the great unknown in a well balanced manner
One part - fear of vulnerability, catalyzing need of super human perfection—
Will spontaneously release your whole mind to self repair by
Embracing the fact that human vulnerability is not a trait to fear ...
In fact, freeing your natural vulnerability softens the heart/mind connection to
Reach beyond defensive walls and embrace loved ones, both near and far ...

If, upon reflection, your conscious awareness has reason to
Question whether childhood's misperceived guilt trips are still so
Potent as to have imprisoned your misperceived vision of your self image
Within a rut, forcing your attitude to stick to a negatively focused mindset, then
It's possible that your 'little voice' of intuitive thought has begun to filter
Through your wall of denial in hopes of alerting your conscious mind to grow
Aware of darkened viewpoints in need of lightening up, suggesting that
Strings of emergent insight may be flashing through your
Tunnel of Readiness, right now, hoping to enlighten your self awareness to
Spotlight a better-balanced, realistic view of your life history, thus
Empowering your thought processor to brighten your innate intelligence to
Work toward dismantling your Wall of Denial, which
Having layered up, over your lifetime, has caused your thought processor to
Narrow its sense of choice to black or white, with little wiggle room, in between ...

On the other hand, once your defensive wall comes down, your
Expanded sense of choice will offer you opportunities to
Think things through more thoroughly than black or white had allowed, and
As your comfort zone's sense of emotional freedom expands, so will
The tenseness of your gray matter relax into the open brain space, which
Like a thirty sponge, lapping up information, has been in need of
Absorbing deeper truth, which having begun to emerge from
Subconscious storage, will surely free a heavy-hearted spirit to grow
Ever more light-hearted once sound reason for self-forgiveness sweeps
Each darkened mindset of undeserved guilt right out of your mind, and
Each time a sense of self-forgiveness feels free to flow, naturally, forth
Your sense of submerged inner conflict will feel so soothed that
Pieces of your lost sense of inner peace will emerge, floating to
The surface of self awareness on life rafts made of common sense, which
Upon conjoining, will, like a fully assembled, five hundred piece puzzle
Show your conscience to free and clear of guilt, which having been undeserved
All along, had never been your burden to carry forth over all these years, and
Once your reconstructed sense of self respect has swept
A lifetime sentence of inner conflict out from under the rug, your
Rebalanced sense of wholesome joy will have sound reason to sweep that
Pile of guilt right out the door while your sense of wholeness
Kicks up your heels and frolics neath the cleansing shower of
Change for the better, which sprinkles the healthy effect of
Inner peace throughout your mind/body/spirit connection, thus
Inspiring negatively focused attitudes, concerning your self worth
(Which had shaped up subconsciously, so early as to have seen you sitting
Obediently, at your mother's or father's knee), to feel naturally transformed so
That your self assessment matches reality, at long last!  WHEW!

And thus—if it's true that the absorption of knowledge, concerning
The complex, interactive functions of your brain, have readied your mindset to
Take that proverbial leap of faith, which necessitates infusing your
Self assessment with self-empowering injections of courage, fortified by
Positively focused trains of intuitive thought, then perhaps, you, too, will
Awaken, one day in the near future, to acknowledge that

A deeply deserved infusion of inner peace, which your entire being has wisely
Chosen to embrace, has freed your mind/spirit/body to feel
Younger than springtime (as is true of mine) for this reason:
With time, patience and knowledge working in your favor, your
Tunnel of Readiness will have naturally expanded the comfort zone of
Your mind's eye to see that once the merry-go-round inside your head
Has stopped spinning beyond your line of control, the brass ring, which
Deeper truth suggests has never been beyond your reach, is actually
Your just reward for a life well lived ... And now that the brass ring has
Shown itself to be today's insight, swinging merrily in the breeze
I'll leave you to muse over this positively focused train of thought, which has

Hopefully, inspired your present mindset to open the door to welcoming and
Enjoying a long awaited, deeply deserved, sense of peaceful repose ...

1352 TIME TO REFLECT CONSCIENTIOUSLY OVER INTUITIVE STREAMS OF THOUGHT

It's not as if I've not been writing over these last five days ...
It's just that post 1351 had so much in the way of insight to offer that, with houseguests awaiting my presence, I could only edit Friday's intuitive stream of consciousness a paragraph at a time.

Once our dear friends flew home on Sunday evening, Monday morning saw my smile sparkling at Ravi, whose presence delighted my heart/mind connection from 10AM on Monday, until 9PM, when her daddy picked her up after calling us at 6:30 to say:  Before picking up Ravi, I'd like to take Celina to dinner, because we've not had a moment, alone together, since she and Ravi picked me up from the airport on Sunday, upon my return from snowboarding for five days with the guys.  As Steven's priorities concurred with my own and as bonus time spent with Ravi (who has been conferred with more than one pet name) is a joy, you can see why yesterday, which was packed solid, from morn till night with heartfelt fun, offered me no time to write or edit, at all.

So, I spent this morning conscientiously reviewing and clarifying every string of insight, which flowed freely from one paragraph to the next, throughout Friday morning's lengthy stream of intuitive thought, which had been penned before my recently departed house guests arrived late that afternoon.  And though we've enjoyed everyone's stay, immensely, thank goodness, this next week and a half offers quiet days of peaceful repose before we fly to the coast to enjoy Tony's sixth birthday celebration with family and friends as this whirlwind month of March winds down ...

1351 INSIGHTS STILL POPPING ...

If you'd like to ask:  Annie, what makes you explain so much in detail about the inner workings of the brain, I'd reply:  What we don't know can hurt us in this way:   If we don't know the essentials of what makes a complex machine (like the brain, which resides inside our heads) run smoothly in a well maintained manner then we can't gain control over its powers, and as self discipline is all about empowering your conscious awareness to maintain a balanced  sense of control over the interactive components of your brain, I appear on your screen, offering a crash course in becoming your very own, highly skilled mechanic at times when the brains' of others, having lost their sense of balance, can't stop from acting manic.

For example, what if the 'key' that starts the engine inside your head is nowhere to be found, causing your wheels to feel stuck in a mental rut, which runs so deep as to block common sense from directing the steering wheel to take you where intuitive thought really wants to go ... Or if your brakes fail to stop your trains of thought from crashing, head on, into your own defensive walls then guess whose head is destined to ache with pain until your blocked sense of conscious awareness begins to identify those times when taking a leap of faith depends upon fueling your attitude with positive focus, which infuses your sense of self empowerment with injections of courage, which prove necessary when heartfelt goals that seem beyond your reach are actually yours for the taking once your mind's eye opens to see that the only obstruction stopping your spirit from taking that final leap of faith toward claiming the brass ring is ... Subconscious Guilt, based in childhood's unidentified Fear.  Seriously, let's say that during a confounding time of personal crises (when astute decision making depends upon maintaining a consistent balance between emotional reactiveness and common sense), your attitude darkens so much as to blind you from seeing that your fuel tank is running on nothing but negatively focused fumes of fear, while, simultaneously, your radiator overheats and your gasket springs a leak ... Who ya gonna call? Clear-minded, Frustration Busters, of course!

All kidding aside ... perhaps, the reason why intuition directed my conscious mind to listen to each of my children's concerns with an attentive sense of hyper-vigilance (especially at times when I'd observed their frustrations over heating), is because, once they'd taken time out to calm down, I'd brainstorm with them in hopes of encouraging each one to identify fears and unmet needs, which had, most likely,  felt too complex for their undeveloped thought processors to understand, much less express with clarity, without insightful help from a loving adult, who had their best interests at heart.  Reflection suggests that my attentiveness keyed into my children's unvoiced needs, because my power of intuition, being in kahoots with my subconscious, 'knew' which of my emotional needs were still repressed behind my smile and therefore in need of being consciously addressed by my self awareness.  On the other hand, my conscious awareness had not a clue (as of yet) as to why my thought processes ran along a different track than my parents trains of thought, though they'd loved my sister and me as deeply as I love my sons.

In short, I'd chosen to raise my children in an emotional environment, which I'd had need of, myself, at an earlier time when my parents had had no clue of how much of my emotional life had remained repressed, thus unexpressed to anyone during trying times in my young life when self help authors, other than Dr. Benjamin Spock, were, as yet, unpublished.  As psychological research, unavailable to laymen in my parents' generation, was within my reach, I, being a teacher of children, held myself accountable for raising my sons, knowledgeably, and as each tidbit of information, which I'd hungrily devoured, had tasted of common sense, my power of intuition challenged my intelligence to—re-raise myself—suggestive of the fact that, unbeknownst to my conscious mind, intuition had begun to direct my sixth sense to seek out self help books, concerning listening and speaking skills until, over time, I began to sense an ever-deepening awareness of mental attentiveness to unmet needs, which, had been gagged and tied into guilt-ridden knots within my subconscious, itching for my private eye to develop the self assertive portion of my voice, which, upon taking a well-studied stance, would surely stand on a soapbox and orate my inner need to save the imprisoned portion of my self assertive voice from languishing, forever, within a self imposed life sentence of silence without so much as an insightful hope of parole.  (Thank goodness, I'd chosen to listen astutely when my neighbor invited me to accompany her to parenting classes, which she'd found insightfully helpful, after she listened to me voice my concerns about disciplining my two year old without throwing emotionally reactive tantrums of my own.  Thank goodness, my inner voice had made itself known, as we sat, conversing on that park bench, on a day when my attitude felt dark though the sun shone bright in the sky.  Thank goodness, one positive change for the better leads to another—little by little ...)

Perhaps, I encouraged my children to develop (and make sound use of) the self assertive portion of their voices, early on, for this reason:  My power of intuition 'knew' that somewhere within a subconscious pocket of my memory, fear of frowns had caused the natural development of my self assertive voice to retreat before the vulnerable age of three, and as long as that portion of my voice remained repressed, thus undeveloped, behind my defensive wall of denial, the vulnerable child, imprisoned within, could not ask for help each time a terrifying experience tore into my sense of physical safety, leaving my self respect in shreds ... and as long as that crucial portion of my voice remained silenced and my self respect felt torn away, shred by shred, year after year, all I could do to express the depth of my repressed mental confusion—inner conflict—and emotional distress, concerning my lack of personal safety, was to feel my body itching to send forth SOS signals, during sleepless nights, year in and year out, and though a sweet natured, blue eyed, little girl, who'd itched to get out of her skin, had scratched herself raw, no one suspected that my repressed sense of fear, confusion and fury had caused me to draw blood for this reason:  While my body sent nocturnal signals of unvoiced desperation, persistently—by day, I'd smiled, cheerfully, with consistency, and as that contradiction of conflicting emotions persisted throughout my prepubescence, throughout my teen years and deep into my college experience, my itch grew more intense, exponentially, than words can describe—until the marriage bed sanctified that which a young, obedient girl had no conscious memory of having participated in until EMDR therapy offered me the 'key' that awakened my anesthetized  awareness to unlock the blocked portion of my memory bank where a series of unmentionable experiences had taken up residence within the haunted portion of my subconscious ... And upon reflecting over that last string of insights, I finally know why my intuition, acting like an experienced jockey, tightening the reins on a powerful steed, has resisted my story teller's readiness to gallop forth from the gate!  I mean, for sound reason, my rule of thumb has been:  Remain mum and listen up until readiness to run, quick as the wind toward the win, fires the gun!

Perhaps, each emergent string of insights that guides my conscious mind to dive ever more deeply into my past in hopes of freeing the self-assertive (not to be confused with self-ish) stances, which I've grown capable of voicing with clarity, today, demonstrates the acuity of intuitive sensitivity, which must develop before my little voice can reveal strings of insight, which emerge from deep within my mind, signaling my conscious awareness to listen up whenever inner strengths, repressed subconsciously, have mustered the courage of readiness to reveal subconscious 'secrets', which I'd kept from myself.  And each time a string of insights (concerning my newfound comprehension of emotional complexity), inspires me to sense that the time is ripe to take another small step toward the ultimate leap of faith that proves necessary to expose another piece of my deeply repressed, broken sense of self to my conscious mind, the portion of my self confidence, which had been severely wounded during childhood,  feels a bit more healed than shattered.  (Shattered describes how my self image was left to feel in the aftermath of each traumatizing experience, which caused serious injury to my innate sense of self confidence after the extreme reactiveness on the part of a beloved adult or a gang of bullies, whose battering behaviors frightened a child's-belief-in-his or-her-self-worth-half-to-death.)  Thank goodness the frightened child I had been grew to adulthood and set out on an intuitive (create-your-own-unconscious-adventure) quest to gather clues in hopes of exposing my deeply repressed need to heal the wounded portion of my psyche from subconscious submission to a lifetime sentence of undeserved guilt, which had displaced peace of mind with anxiety each time the unhealed-portion-of-my-subconscious-fear-of-unworthiness entertained so much as an inkling of a thought about doing anything that might make any loved one frown harshly, angrily, judgmentally, deeming me, seemingly indefensibly, a bad (or worthless) girl—again.  WHEW!

Now that I've gained insight into how best to express this haunting, daunting sense of undeserved guilt, which arose, anew, like a ghost-like death sentence from the past, sending shivers of unresolved anxiety down the adult/child's remorseful spine each time independent thought differed from parent tapes (or peer pressures) absorbed, decades ago, today, streams of conscious thought suggest that I had reason to fear frowns before every spirit in my family had been sucked into a bottomless black hole of grief upon the untimely demise of my baby sister, because ...

Volatile emotional battles for dominance (which had taken place within my childhood home before Janet's tragic death), caused my peace of mind to feel anxious, over most of my hyper vigilant life, for this reason:  Behind my ready smile, a defensive wall of denial had unknowingly layered up, and behind these layers of denial lurked more than my fear of frowns.  Within my own black hole, I'd also harbored fear of electrifying power struggles for dominance, and as fear of family fights disempowered my common sense, I'd submitted to the will of another until a therapist, versed in EMDR therapy, encouraged my adult intelligence to shore up and call forth inner strengths, which emerged, session by session, fortifying my sense of courage to work toward identifying and exorcising the emergent nature of fear-based guilt from its subterranean dungeon, and as intuitive trains of thought began to filter freely through my 'little voice' into my conscious mind, small steps forward led to leaps of faith, which, culminating in epiphany, had shone spotlights of insight upon my life long need to identify deeply repressed, emotional injuries to my psyche (which had left shattered portions of my self esteem festering rawly, subconsciously).  And ever since my mental block against my true self worth unlocked, trickles of deeper truth have been offering me reason to resuscitate my self-assertive voice (suggestive of my ability to clearly express emotional revelations, first by way of penning intuitive streams of consciousness, then by voicing my little voice's awareness of personal growth, aloud, and what, I ask, could feel more profoundly self-healing than this train of intuitive thought, concerning my growing ability to retrieve a lost sense of balance, which precedes my having retrieved the sense of inner peace to which you play witness, today.  Double WHEW! 

At this moment, clarity suggests that intuition inspired my conscious mind to attend those parenting classes, which encouraged me to read a library of books, concerning raising my trio of sons in such a positively focused, open minded manner as to invite each one to place a high value upon working to heal injured parts of their psyches more readily than is true of most of the human species, which, generally, walks through each stage of life blind to mental blocks that conceal raw wounds, festering within subconscious pockets of our minds, and as mental blocks divide our minds into two warring parts, inner conflicts erupt, which is why peace of mind gives way to anxiety whenever thoughts, concerning gratifying personal needs, which do not agree with parental tapes (or bullying points of view), arouse childhood fears to haunt our sense of well being, today, and not until we rewind our memories in order to play back specific moments in time when a beloved parent's misbehavior 'declared' us unworthy of love or a bully's taunts declared us worthless, can we stop spinning our wheels in ruts made of undeserved guilt, which muddy up our sense of clarity, concerning our need to strengthen our adult connection to common sense when brainstorming toward open-minded, positively focused decisions proves necessary, today.  Double WHEW!

Once intuitive thought enlightens my conscious mind as to where to start the next story, which I yearn to write, my storyteller/jockey will loosen its grip on the reins, at which time my fingers are sure to fly freely all over my keyboard, and all you'll need do to see my crate-your-own-adventure into parenting unfold, is to focus attentively on pictures, drawn with words, which will appear, first on my screen and then on yours ...

The question my conscious mind is blocked from answering, as of yet, is:  When might that be?

Perhaps, the story won't unfold, naturally, until insights, which continue to flow through my Tunnel of Readiness, have cleared away stumbling rocks, which may be damming up my conscious story-telling stream of thought, for example:  Do you know why a child's contradicting personality traits are formed by the age of five?

By the age of five, each child has experienced the confounding nature of observing, mimicking and absorbing emotional reactiveness, emoting from adult temper tantrums (some warranted, some not), which arouse the startle reflex inherent within the nervous system of every newborn babe.   Or perhaps, during differences of opinion, the child watches communications grow confoundingly complex if one parent, who has learned that he, who yells loudest, longest wins, keeps bellowing for dominance while the other, who has learned to clam up, defensively—stone walls.  Then, if, with the passage of time, a dark experience offers the confounded child's startle reflex reason to feel fearfully shocked into a suspended mode of emotional repression, everyone will come to expect this eager-to-please child's 'mask' of perfection as being real, through and through, when, deeper truth suggests that repressed, unresolved fear of unworthiness blocks this child's awareness from emoting whatever she or he really feels while a sibling, who did not experience need to 'act' perfect may feel free to wear natural frowns upon his or her face, and with time, the emotional patterns (habits) of each sibling may feel as though character traits (seen as positive and negative) absorbed by one or the other, are now and forever set in stone ... However, stone crumbles when emotional tornados blow defensive walls down.  And, speaking from experience, everyone is shocked when a person's persona unmasks, freeing multi-dimensional traits, inclusive of subconscious vulnerabilities and repressed inner strengths, to fly clearly into sight.  Therefore, in the aftermath of an emotional tornado, tis wise to seek the knowledge that proves necessary to observe where shattered pieces of each person's puzzle may have fallen, for this reason:  Once we muster the intelligence and patience to figure out how to piece together unexpected emotional reactions, a multi-layered, bigger picture will be assembled, which conscious awareness had never thought to see clearly in 3D, before, and as we come to see that this reassembly of unexpected reactions fall in line with each person's history, intuitive streams of conscious thought ignite bursts of insight, which brightens the mind's ability to absorb the first glimpse of a series of positively focused plans of action, each of which hopes to create a series of well-balanced, lasting changes for the better, which the little voice of sixth sense has been trying to free from remaining subconsciously blocked from conscious awareness ever since adult tantrums or a gang of bullies tore away at portions of a sweet natured person's self esteem so early in life as to have created need for the child to grow up to create a detective within his or her sense of self ...

And thus, am I here to say:  Old dogs can learn new tricks, because our traits, attitudes and thinking patterns are not set in stone.  And though leopards can't grow new spots, we are not leopards.  We are people, able to create plans of action by making good use of our neo Cortex, which a leopard's brain does not have.

Time and again, I've shown you that, when the thought processor of the human brain is in its natural, peaceful state of mind, intuitive trains of thought are capable of firing off the bright light of insight, which inspires layers of defensive walls to melt down, one by one, thus expanding brain space to welcome and absorb open minded, change for the better, based in positive focus holding hands with patience and common sense with a growing sense of consistency ...

Can you name the opposite of growth?
Stagnancy leading to shrinkage

Once, when my dad, in his eighties, said:  I'm too old to change ...
My mom, who was a year older, replied:  Well, I'm not dead, yet!

Nuff food for thought, for today?
Not a chance, as long as intuitive thought is on a roll ...

Perhaps a small child, condemned to feeling extremely guilty, undeservedly, will grow up, turn a corner and bump into Socrates, whose spirit swooshes down, here and there, pointing the finger of fate at certain folks who, for reasons, as yet unknown, harbor an intuitive need (as is true of one and all) to learn to work to heal themselves from emotional injury incurred during childhood ... And perhaps, in addition to the fickle finger of fate, intuition directs we fingered folk to grow up to be teachers, psychologists or psychiatrists, fated to encourage others to quest toward healing themselves, as well ... Or perhaps Socrates whispers words of wisdom into every ear, but some have had reason to grow more sensitive to tuning in to their intuitive trains of thought (little voice) early on while others have experienced reason to erect defensive walls made up of so many layers as to turn a deaf ear, perhaps, forever ... So sad but true ...

I guess, before my story feels ready to unfold, naturally, intuitive thought is suggestive of my need to quest more deeply for insight (into I know not what—as of yet) by asking questions, which emerge, like this one that just flew out of my mind:  I wonder if you've considered which attitudes best fit your own (not as you were when you were young, but as your traits seem to have 'solidified', today)?
Do your attitudes remain defensively, judgmentally closed minded or are you fertilizing attitudes, which prove positively focused and younger than springtime by welcoming view points that challenge your conscious awareness to brainstorm toward creating change for the better, as in:  If at first you don't succeed at achieving a heartfelt goal—try, try again ...

At times when life's complexities spin our brains, round and round
All we need do to stop spinning, dizzily, in a cyclical rut
Is to brainstorm with a positive focused attitude until
A plan that didn't come together, at first ... does, second time around!
And if you ask:  Annie, what is our just reward for
Infusing our minds with the mantra
Never Give Up Growing Toward Realizing A Heartfelt Goal, I'd reply:
Those who Never Give Up Working To Realize A Heartfelt Goal
 Feel our spirits glowing with
The sweet, sparkling smile of success
So, rather than shrugging your shoulders and giving up
Intelligence suggests tis wiser, by far, to infuse
Your wonderland plan with common sense, born of experience
And once positively focused adjustments have been made
Hearts, which feel younger than springtime—Try, try, again

PS
If positive focus was easily won
We'd not see a plethora of self help books
Concerning our need to gain insight into that subject, flying off the shelves ...
Once the benefits of identifying the source of your fear-based negativity offers
Your intelligence reason to make lasting adjustments to your original attitude
Your conscious awareness will open your eyes to a closed mindset
(Mental block) in need of opening, thus freeing your creativity to
Chew on, swallow, digest and absorb bite sized portions of strings of insight, which
Offer your sense of logic reason to feast on a brand new, expansive view of
Positively focused insights, concerning your history, as never before, and
Resultant of this natural progression toward lasting-attitude-change
The restless state of your mental, emotional and physical health will
Feel immeasurably blessed with your brain's new found, open-minded ability to
Balance a sense of inner peace with on-going strife, which remains
Beyond your newly self disciplined sense of emotional control, and each time
A change for the better in your attitude has consciously worked to penetrate
Yet another layer of your hot-headed or stone-walling defensive wall of denial
Your heightened sense of awareness will freely embrace and enjoy
A relaxed state of peaceful repose, which nurtures your spirit to feel
Younger than springtime, as does mine
And Amen to a positively focused train of thought as personally enriching as that!