763 BIG RED ... CHICK MAGNET AND MORE :) Part 4

I'm going to take Big Red to California where this guy turns station wagons into convertibles.

Though Barry's idea to inject new life into our tired, old station wagon catches me by surprise, I choose to quiet the complex nature of my emotional reaction and practical rejection of his plan in favor of listening to my son's think tank roll out a mad-capped scheme, which to this teen—whose mind oozes creativity not unlike my own—does not seem off the wall—at least not yet.  And while listening attentively, my mind begins to surmise how best to coax Barry's creative, young mind away from spinning day dreams in the clouds back to earth without shooting my son's high flying spirit down.

You can believe me when I say that the character trait, trained to stop parental practicality from pointing out every place that my son's grand idea is full of holes is patience, which I've learned to draw forth in hopes that while listening, my mind will hook onto a line of reasoning that will inspire Barry's think tank to pull his train of thought into a station where a balance between logic and emotion can be stoked with common sense.

BTW this seem a good time to reflect upon my reason for renaming common sense as uncommon sense because so many people fail recognize a need to expand narrow mindsets that concentrate all of their brain's attention upon a limited perspective resulting in no more than one choice—so, if I hope to personify the voice of well balanced reason, it's my responsibility to listen attentively in hopes of redirecting my son's mind toward expanding his line of reasoning to comprehend what we are up against, so that if his mindset switches tracks that choice is clearly of his own accord.  Holy cow!  Please remember this word that just popped out of my mind: accord—because it's bound to pop up in a post down the road :)

I often wonder if my super long, run on sentences are a source of irritation to your minds.  I often wonder if I 'should' break each one into a series of simple thoughts.  Each time that choice presents itself to me, I think not for this reason:  Each run on sentence is a sample of the kind of open minded, stream of conscious thought processing that takes place inside my head when, though itching to interrupt another person's train of thought with one of my own, I restrain my sense of reactiveness by tightening my hold on comment sense, which suggests that by mustering patience and holding my tongue I'll not further pressurize another person's already tense state of mind.  You see, if a well-balanced view of solution seeking is my goal, then discretion in terms of when to hold fast to self restraint and curb my tongue smacks of sound reasoning to me.

If asked if I ever interrupt, I'd say—without a moment's hesitation ... Yes indeed!

If asked when I choose to interrupt I'd say ... thank you for asking such an astute question :)

I offer my mind clearance to interrupt when another person presents the same old train of thought that circles round a fearful track, going no where deeper, better or clearer than before so many times that if I hold my tongue for too long, I'll be sure to lose my mind!!  On an up note, I've not lost my mind, yet :)

On occasion when listening to same old-same old frays my nerves until my sense of balance feels close to crazy, here is what generosity of spirit directs me to say:

Unless you are about to tell me something that I've yet to hear, we need a new conversation, because if your mind can't switch tracks from that which we've chewed over, countless times, I'll need to take my mental health elsewhere where both sides of my mind feel free to release frustration in time out.

And in this way do I resist trying to inject more than bite sized portions of common sense into a mind that is not yet ready to stop circling a negative attitude, such as fear  ...

When asked if I actually get up and take myself elsewhere to tame frustration 
simmering inside, I say, yes, definitely for this reason ... Just as time out works wonders for calming small fry, big fish in small pond need time to calm down and re-evaluate non productive reactions, as well.  And speaking from experience, there are times when every mind has need to circle fear—until whatever speaks of deeper truth for that individual rides out on a bright light of insight, resulting in clarity, suggesting that your needs may differ from my own.  Example?  At a time when I feel a need to connect with independent thought, you may feel the need to heed the herding instinct, suggesting our need to disagree, because deeper truth acknowledges both needs as right and neither wrong.  

If asked how often I choose to take time out 'on the spot' in order to keep a problem, which erupts unexpectedly, from escalating to the next level of complexity, causing me to think on my feet, hoping to respond wisely, spontaneously, I'd reply—whenever necessary—because making good use of common sense requires practicing proactive self restraint :)

As I'm not looking to add to the frustration of a mindset that's cycling round a fearful track, I remind myself of this fact:  The only mind I can track soulfully, gain control over emotionally and calm enough to sponge up small shots of wisdom, here and there—is my own.  And having absorbed that deeper truth as my own, the creative, solution-seeking portion of my mind invented the line of control and the three step problem solving plan, both penned in stories, several weeks ago ...

And having fed me need to say all of that ... back to Barry's plan to drive Big Red to see a guy on the coast, where the blue of the sky dives into the ocean's depths—where a starkly different dimension of life exists as one half of the ecosystem that creates the good health of our planet as a whole, and now that I think about it, diving deeply into the life of the ocean resembles delving into the unexplored depths of the mind ...

762 A TIME TO REFLECT ON WHAT CONSTITUTES ... BALANCE ...

Emotion is ... a cliff hanger
When you don't see it coming to claim it's right to switch off logic, it has the power to throw the brain off balance ...

If you ask, Annie, what is the most important piece of knowledge that your think tank has absorbed, concerning emotion—thus far—I'd offer up this fact:  Emotion makes up a huge portion of each person's brain—for sound reason ... 

Next, if you asked what that reason may be, I'll reply ... Attempting to dismiss emotion in hopes of gaining insight into the bigger picture of what constitutes deeper truth into the human condition closes one's mind to understanding and resolving life's conundrums.  At those times when I walked in tandum with 'the shoulds' that commanded me to close the door on my spirit's natural emotional needs in hopes of establishing a safely organized environment for everyone I loved, no one was more shocked than me to watch my whole self experience a dispirited life.  After following the path of 'the shoulds', thinking I was on that path for sound reason, and finding myself swinging for the fences and missing the ball twice, I'll not allow 'the shoulds' to back my high spirited think tank against a wall where one half of my brain causes the other half to swing and miss and strike out.  As mentioned, been there, done that, twice ... and both times I'd failed to listen to the spirit of Socrates hovering close, whispering sagely down through the ages in hopes of cautioning me to know all of myself if I hoped to free my spirit to thrive.

If you believe life's challenging problems can be solved logically by pushing the emotional needs of your spirit voice aside then, one day, you may look back with regret, as all too many do, who fail to recognize opportunity offering the pleasures of out-of-the-ordinary experiences that create a well balanced approach to accepting both sides of oneself as a whole.

In short the spirit guide, which lives and breathes within each of us, whispers of all we crave in hopes of one's sense of conscience directing our minds to choose wisely in order to experience healthy portions of what we crave, thus offering us opportunities to choose thriving over surviving the mundane, again and again ...

As you, who have come to know me, may imagine, today's post is expressing my spirit's need to balance emotion with logic while the whole of my mind works toward brainstorming a workable solution to a conundrum grown too complex for words.  And during this period of necessary brainstorming, my think tank has excavated experiences that proved unsuccessful as a result of my adhering to 'shoulds' until 'thinking for myself' had reason to speak vlolumes of deeper truth to me.

Heaven knows it's much easier to write a post in which hindsight, acting like a crystal ball, spotlights insights flowing freely right as rain, washing dust clouds out of my mind until past events emerge from memory with attention to detail, offering me a sense of clarity as never before ... as in ... oh my gosh ... so this is what started the ball rolling, and then that led to this, which led to that, which led to this, which brought me to this place of confusion where intuition into what I need to thrive clarifies, and with insight into both sides of my mind, deeper truth simplifies the complex nature of my solution seeking thought process, which my spirit's life force has been whispering into my ear, all along!

Today, upon identifying a 'should', which denies my spirit the freedom needed to explore an experience which proves essential to my personal growth, my sixth sense, aroused by basic instinct, feels the need to roar—This is my life—And I'll live it, discretely on the edge rather than allowing the bell shaped curve, closing in from all sides, to smother my natural needs within the narrow dictates of what others deem a well ordered life.

Once my unmet needs make themselves known to me, no one's narrow scope shall define what my spirit needs to thrive.

Each time opportunity offers my spirit a chance to dive deep enough into my mind to identify the narrow scope of yet another limited mindset, concerning, that which had been missing from my well ordered life, I experience growing pains until soul searching offers me insight into my need to gain the freedom to accept responsibility for identifying personal needs, thus leading me to create a balance between emotion and logic, resulting in my bending hard fast rules.

Each time I respect the needs of others while offering my spirit clearance to thrive amidst life's beauties and bounties, my sense of giving and forgiving expand even more than ever before.  And in this way does creating balance within the self lead to embracing attitudes of win-win.

As long as self trust serves as my trusty guide, the only group who dictates directives at character traits, which comprise both sides of my whole, go by the names of—Me, Myself and I—And that, my friends, speaks of existential truth as seen by the soul searching spirit of a woman, who for sound reason, chooses to call herself Annie while penning this daily account of all that inspires my mind to experience every growing pain while I gain insight upon insight into achieving ownership over my life ...

As it's not an easy feat to balance logic and emotion while resolving current conundrums, I tend to wrack my brain to consider every puzzling piece of a bigger picture that escapes my comprehension—until clarity shoots out of my brain on an insight as quick as one of the Lone Ranger's silver bullets zings through the air, separating that which feels right from wrong.

If fear is meant to be conquered by courage and humility then this may be a good time to reflect over my own train of thought, penned in post  653, titled CYCLING FROM DARK TO LIGHT, which, if you choose to cycle back with me, had been written on March 30,  2013 ...

BTW, I have no clue where my spirit may direct my mind, concerning what to write, tomorrow.  Perhaps you'll find mindful thoughts detailing today's unexpected challenge, or perhaps the greater part of me will feel the need to experience a different dimension by penning lighted hearted fare.  All I can say for certain, concerning the classic nature of the ever-changing mindsets that make up the human condition, right now, is that, just as with every other day, my spirit will serve as my self trusting guide, tomorrow ...

761 SERIOUSLY ...

Last week, life gave my spirit reason to counsel my mind to turn toward positive focus, hence my decision to re-energize my connection to wholeness by penning light-hearted memories of Big Red ...

As time to write is short, today, this is all I feel free to relate until my think tank figures out how best to express the challenge that has been placed, unexpectedly, on my family's plate ...

Thank goodness, the sun is bright, and my sense of hope is as high as the desert sky, which pleases my eye with the brilliance of a blue so beautiful as to inspire me to walk outside, look up and smile in the presence of life's beautious bounties lest dark, fearful thoughts pull my spirit too far down to enjoy life, conundrums and all, with my sense of balance intact ...

760. BIG RED ... CHICK MAGNET AND MORE :) Part 3

With youth's boundless enthusiasm, Barry bounces through our front door ...

Upon spying mad-scientist excitement flashing forth from a pair of dark lashed, hazel eyes, framed by dark wavy hair, cropped tight to his head, my curiosity is aroused, so taking a break from preparing tonight's dinner, which proves to be Steven's birthday favorite—man sized portions of spaghetti and meat sauce—I indulge my anticipation at being thoroughly entertained by lowering the flame under the burners and turning my attention toward whatever my son's inventive mind is cooking up.  As Barry senses my spirit sparkling in response to his own, the surge of his smile intensifies mine.

Each day, I look forward to welcoming my tall, strapping son home after another grueling football practice, which somehow energizes every fiber of his male being.  Yep!  No doubt about it—the female brain and male brain are most certainly not one and the same!  Drop a pigskin into my hands and sic a passel of half backs on my trail and watch me pass off that ball and high tail it, fast as a bunny seeking safety anywhere away from that field!

One day in the far distant future, when Barry is enjoying a successful adult life, I'll look back on his creative teen aged years with depth in understanding as to why the vibrancy of his approach to life made my spirit beam.  And as 'beaming' had been my reaction to welcoming each of my sons home from school, reflection suggests my good fortune to have hitched a ride on each of my son's high spirited wave lengths three times on most days, week after week.

Retrospectively, this insight has clarified for me:  When I love someone, all he or she needs to do to ignite my spirit's sense of pure joy is to walk into the room.  So when my trio of teens arrives home, one by one, year in and year out, my spirit emanates delight while my voice offers up simple greetings, such as  ...

Hi Barry, how was your day?
Being that Barry is an emoter, much like his mom, he most often replies ...

My day was great!  First this happened.  Then that!  Mom, I was thinking about Big Red and wait till you hear this great idea ...

As considering each of my son's great ideas is a favorite pastime, we sit down at the kitchen table, where I believe most of the world's greatest ideas get tossed back and forth, and while listening to creativity cranking out of Barry's brain, my cheek-splitting grin inspires teen-aged inventiveness to spin straw into gold ...

Mom!  I'm going to turn Big Red into a convertible!

With this fanciful declaration dancing between us, my eyes, ears and mind open so wide with surprise as to encourage my son's imagination to gallop forth utterly free of self doubt or parental constraint...

As for me ... I'm practicing a listening skill that offers my son's spirit clearance to spill the contents of his mind, and in this way do I hope to sponge up pieces of the bigger picture, as Barry envisions it, so as to sidestep any misperception that might shoot down his train of thought, prematurely ...

As a result of my listening, attentively, to Barry's unbridled enthusiasm with an open minded attitude, here's what I take in ...

759. BIG RED ... CHICK MAGNET AND MORE :) Part 2

But Mom, said Barry, demonstrating a high degree of self trust, I'm really careful!  And Big Red has plenty of room for all of us.

I know you're careful, Barry
But you're a brand new driver
And the driver is responsible for everyone's safety
Piling eight of your friends into Big Red compresses too much raw, teen aged energy into the confines of our car.

But Mom, I can handle it!
Well you may be able able to handle it ...
But I can't
It's enough for me to handle the fact that you're driving yourself!

But Mom ...

No more 'buts' ... 
I'm no where near being used to your driving off on your own.  I can't handle your being responsible for anyone else's safety until my mindset has time to expand to a comfortable place with you behind the wheel.

But Mom, implored the prowess of my son's future lawyering reasoning powers, you let me drive Steven and David.

Yes I do ... and that fact alone suggests my faith in you.  The difference between my agreeing to your driving off with the contents of my heart's treasure chest in your capable hands vs. filling the car with your friends is this fact:  I raised you and your brothers to pull common sense out of your brains more often than most of the adults I know, who've yet to get a handle on how to do that on the spot :)

Now, Barry, identifying with positive side of the bigger picture inherent in his mom's reply, accepts the logic behind her fearful reaction to his piling raw, uncontrolled, teen-aged TNT into Big Red :)

But Mom ... my friends expect me to take them ...

So tell them the truth and make me the heavy.  Tell your friends that if I get wind of your carting them around without my permission, your carriage will turn back into a pumpkin—and you'll be pedaling your bike ...

So ... did Barry drive his gang to lunch, anyway?
I have no clue, so I can't answer that
But I can tell you this ...
Had authority told my son's sense of pride that he couldn't handle all those kids, he'd have felt insulted, catalyzing his defense system to rise up and lock horns against leadership's attachment to logic.

Then, if ownership of the keys made a power play, a teen-aged defensive attitude would have lit a fire under resentment, smoldering deep inside the bullish nature of an adolescent mind, which was actively and age appropriately experimenting with the development of independent thought—which, as we move from one stage toward the next, proves to be a life long process.

As our family had come to rely upon The Line of Control to keep our minds calm while engaging in tense situations, we'd learned to keep our wits about us whenever any difference of opinion that seemed ripe for escalation arose.  And by learning which tool to pull out of our think tanks during moments fraught with emotional conflict, we'd stop defensive reactions from disregarding logic.

Each time leadership thought to pull out logical reasoning techniques without insulting an inexperienced individual's sensitivities, our attention remained focused on choosing logical pathways of thought.  Therefore negativity, based in fearful loss of autonomy, did not lock horns with common sense during solution-seeking discussions.

Once Barry's intelligence targeted the true fact that my mind needed time to process acceptance of a change in attitude that challenged my sense of his safety, he accepted my readiness to comply with his ability to drive himself but lack of readiness in allowing him the freedom to pile raw teen-aged energy into Big Red.  And thus did parent and teen successfully negotiate this first new rule (limit), concerning teen-aged driving, where no rule had been necessary previously—without causing injury to a teen-ager's sense of personal pride.

Barry's chick magnet brain storm coming up in part 3 :) 

758 BIG RED ... CHICK MAGNET AND MORE :) Part 1

Though Barry may have taken some good natured ribbing upon driving up to school in Big Red, he'd had the strength to separate his identity as a smart jock from this vehicle's carpooling history in short order.

After neutralizing his fearful attitude, Barry came to appreciate Big Red's value in carting himself and eight adolescents to lunch off campus—until Mom got wind of this new conflict, which caused her to blow her whistle, raise her stop sign and put the cabbosh on yet another fabulous(???) teen age plan ...

The fact that we all have so much to learn about balancing emotion and logic makes me ask:  If adults can't figure out how to co-exist peacefully with teens so that everyone's spirits pursue a well balanced life then how can we expect children to grow into leaders rather than becoming followers who get stuck in the middle of the bell shaped curve ...

Post short and sweet for this reason ...
Though life handed my family a problem that weighs heavy on our minds, this thought makes my spirit feel light and bright:  I'm planning to spend most of today with my adult 'kids' ...

757. BIG RED ... BARRY'S TAKE :)

For a variety of reasons, this is proving to be an exceptionally busy week, so editing will follow posting, yet again, when I find time to catch up with myself ...

Though I'd have thought that driving to school would have brought a sixteen year old guy nothing but joy, my son's view of the situation offered me a piece of the bigger picture unseen by his devoted mother

Though Barry's expressive face beamed at his brand, new driver's license with full on pleasure, I watched pride's high spirited delight dull to dismay when faced with the prospect of pulling up to his high school behind the wheel of Big Red.

Mom!  I can't drive Big Red to school!

Being a parent, mindful of doling out life's lessons to my young, your friend Annie misjudged the reason behind this dismayed teenager's attitude.  With misperception leading the way, I launched into a harangue concerning Barry's good fortune in trading riding his bike for driving a well-maintained automobile to school—tired, thirteen year old hand-me-down though it proved to be.

After listening to his mom express the fact that (cue violins) I'd amiably relied upon public transportation through wind, rain and sleet throughout high school and college, not to speak of riding buses with two babes in arms, because we did not purchase my first car, a second hand clunker, until after Steven's birth, my son replied ...
But Mom—here's what you don't understand ... I'm not upset because Big Red is old!  I'm upset because I've spent the past two years building my reputation at school as a jock, and as soon as I pull up in this station wagon with simulated wood siding, my being seen as a jock will turn into a joke, because I'll look like a suburban housewife, for sure!

Upon hearing my son's concern, my concern transformed naturally into a smile, though I felt sorry not to have taken a moment to think before sounding off to what had seemed like a negative lapse in gratitude.  Having miscalculated Barry's reasoning, I'd responded with a negative attitude of my own.

Had I thought to remember what I'd recently learned about communicating artfully by making good use of listening skills as well as speaking skills, I'd have held my tongue until after asking why my son couldn't drive Big Red.  Had I thought to utilize my newly acquired listening skills, I'd have maintained an objective attitude of neutrality while my son explained a young guy's, age appropriate point of view.  Instead, I'd countered so quickly with a dissertation of my own as to shut down any opportunity for Barry's young male perspective to expand upon my own.  Though my listening skills were new, I'd heard this next sage expression over most of my life:  Think before you speak.  This experience is an example of why that statement holds classically true.

As haste caused me to miss that opportunity, here's what transpired ... Rather than age teaching youth to broaden personal perspective, I learned that the narrowness of my perspective had misperceived the focus of a teen ager's natural motivation.

Once I saw how my hasty reaction deemed my good natured son guilty—undeservedly—my judgmental attitude switched to chagrin.  Upon listening to my son express his true feeling, based in solid sixteen year old sense, my spirit flooded with humility as seen in my smile softening as soon as understanding replaced whatever emotional expression my face had worn only moments before.

This sense of recognition concerning my missing the boat as to why my good natured son had balked at driving Big Red saw my sense of role modeling leadership arise and by placing my ego in a time out chair, I offered Barry a well deserved, heartfelt apology.  Then, as parental apology had been offered sincerely, teen aged tackle accepted my positive reaction so appreciatively that our battle of wills had sound reason to relax into graciousness on both sides, suggesting that, once again, THE COOPERATION GAME led us both to accept a mutual sense of win-win.  (COOPERATION GAME is one of five tools, not yet explained in a post.)

The fact that separate opinions had been considered in a calm, caring, mutually respectful manner, emotional fires were doused, allowing different view points to be aired and discussed in depth.  And this example of solving problems with thoughtful care to detail offers a bird's eye view of both sides engaging in thought provoking discussions, thus opening opportunities for each to grasp a bigger picture than before.  And once bigger pictures emerge, dueling defense systems tend to consciously retreat.

Under Annie's leadership, different points of view were not allowed to create emotional chaos.  As long as logic remained intact, the spirit of cooperation was not crushed between discordantly crashing cymbals.  As long as both minds focused on preserving an emotionally safe environment, spacious enough to air different points of view, all ages and both sexes co-existed in peace.

Perhaps leadership's solution-seeking success, much more often than not, was due to this fact.  Each time Annie felt the need to offer life lessons to her kids, her mind remained open to gleaning lessons from listening to what her kids felt the need to say, and in this way did leadership continue to gain insight into how hard it is to remember to practice what we preach :)

As an end result of growing up in a home where minds were directed toward considering each other's views, a good natured, teen-aged bull found reason to pull in his horns—yet again.  As Barry had actually listened when his mother 'played her violin', he absorbed his good fortune at sidestepping public transportation, and thus did the open, intelligent mind of this young football hero, who rose within the year to leadership as captain of his team, graciously accept a suburban hausfrau's mode of transportation.  As to Annie, she came to see that her son's young male ego had been age-appropriately focused on impressing teammates, cheerleaders, and pom.

By the time this sixteen year old honor student drove his family's tired, old station wagon into the high school parking lot for the very first time, his imaginative mind had conceived of a plan that just might transform Big Red into a chick magnet machine, after all :)

As for me, I'm still chuckling over listening to Barry's creative ideas spill into our kitchen whenever his inexperienced think tank percolated away.  And while listening and laughing, my thank tank continued to thank my lucky stars at having had the mindfulness to absorb lessons in practicing that which leadership preaches to young inventive minds.  And in order to make certain that my mind absorbed the importance of listening before reacting, which is far from easy to practice with consistency—I've learned to ask why in hopes of not pointing fingers sticky with misjudgment at loved ones too hastily, too often.

As today's train of thought is about to wind down, please picture me, standing behind a podium, relating this true story, time and again, in hopes of inspiring many audiences in countless auditoriums to think and ask questions before racing toward misjudgment for this reason:

Each time we think to ask questions and openly drink in the views of others before responding, we empower our minds to neutralize negative attitudes that tend to arise from within defense systems that are triggered to lock horns much too quickly.  Each time we choose to listen in neutral, it's possible for closed mindsets to open and expand after absorbing sound points of view which differ from one's own.

When two spirits feel receptive to considering information that may broaden each person's scope, narrow mindsets tend to expand so graciously as to empower humility to sit defensive egos in time-out chairs.  An ego in time out can't control your mind.  You see, its egocentric thinking that crushes logic, resulting in negativity's stubborn, persistent resistance to reconsidering closed minded attitudes.

Upon choosing to open our minds to practicing listening skills, we retrain our brains to consider other view points, good naturally, rather than digging in our heels, offensively or defensively.  Once the brain is retrained, we succeed in decreasing the number of times that we need to eat words spoken in haste.

Want to eat less crow?  Want to chew the fat with loved ones over what's past with more laughs than recriminatory tears?  Time spent diving into self awareness suggests chewing on this lesson in listening before speaking, which Barry's mom had need to practice countless times after her eldest son was sixteen :)

If attitude is everything, then common sense suggests the wisdom of each person in a family reserving brain space to absorb the art of communications, which is divided into five equally important parts:
We need to discern how much to say, when, and to whom
We need to discern how best to say what needs be said
We need to discern need for discretion in terms of what not to say
We need to discern how to listen with both ears tuned into objectively
We need to discern each person's bent toward readiness

More concerning absorbing skilled communications, sometime later ...

As for tomorrow, more about Barry's imaginative thoughts, concerning transforming a suburban housewife's retired old station wagon into captain of the football team's chick magnet machine :)