728 FATHER'S DAY ODE TO MY DAD :)

Good morning and Happy Father's Day to you!  :)
As our extended family is actively planning a gala weekend in celebration of my mom's 100th birthday, which is coming up, very soon, a flurry of group emails have been flying through cyberspace from state to state.  This week, reminders of my parents' antics flew back and forth, and as human nature often proves naturally funny, we laughed, again and again ... and this is good.  Very good :)   Today, I awoke reminiscent of cherished memories, which enrich my heart whenever my dad comes to mind, and having penned those thoughts in a poem, posted on Father's Day, last year, here is that loving ode, again:

What is an ode?
An ode is a poem expressing exalted emotion
Though often times an ode is a poem which may be sung
Reality suggests you may not want to hear me try to carry a tune :)

So ...
With the approach of Father's Day, every year
My mind turns toward quiet thoughts of this poem
Describing the depth of my love for my dad

In loving memory of my lifelong friend
Imagine me walking outside, onto my patio
Where, gazing up into the bright blue sky—
Which Dad had loved so well—

I envision my father's high spirited, warm hearted smile
Beaming down with warmth from on high
And in this way am I enveloped, again and again
Within the safe haven of Dad's undying embrace ... Which

Had protected my sense of security
From succumbing to fear
When as an innocent child ...
I’d yet to experience the ravages of life ... And

Each time I conjure up the boundless nature
Of Dad's capacity for love, my spirit breathes in
The adventurous joie de vie with which Dad's heart and mind
Had soaked in countless aspects of a life well lived

Though most say:
'I hope to die in my sleep'
Dad found a more fulfilling way
To leave this world for the next

With no clue that he was about to depart this life
Dad left all sense of conscious awareness behind
While sitting on the couch, holding forth a glass of wine ...
With which he’d just toasted his 'bride' of sixty years ...

And thus did Dad breathe his last breath while kissing my mom
So, if you were to ask “Annie, what hath empowered thy spirit
With the true meaning of lasting love”, I'd reply, twas my good fortune
To experience my parents’ unconditional love throughout my life ...

Happy Father's Day, Dad
For countless reasons
I'll love you, forever and ever
And most likely even longer than that ...

727 GOOD HABITS ARE HARD TO BREAK! :)

When engaged in conflict with the needs of another

It's my habit to listen for the emergence of insight

Which tends to jumpstart a train of thought

Leading toward mutually respectful conflict resolution. :)

As the sixth sense taps into insight most readily when

The art of discussing conflicting views occurs peaceably

Differing views tend to be considered equally, so that

One person's needs do not barrel over another's. 

While most people learn to smooth wrinkles out of conflicts by 

Speaking and listening respectfully to friends and colleagues

It’s common for these same folk to morph into hotheads, casting

Heart piercing jabs, left and right, when conflict erupts with family.

IF children, watching siblings lose round after round with parents

Develop fear of emotional explosiveness, then

These young, impressionable minds may adopt attitudes

Of passivity or secrecy whenever tension, born of conflict, erupts.

If fear of conflict has sound reason to sink deep into the mind

Then it stands to reason that passive children

Are more likely to develop into peace-at-any-cost adults than

Youngsters, who learn to speak up and listen respectfully at home. 

If you've grown up in a family where differences are handled



Disrespectfully at home while differing opinions

Are smoothed out respectfully with friends, then

Those habits, like all habits, prove hard to break, unless ...

One sees the value in questing toward self awareness.

And thus does Socrates’ quote: 'Know thyself'

Suggest that each of us answers this question:

During conflict, doth thee treat friend with respect but family as foe?

Upon raising a family of my own

My sixth sense recognized a need to create

The line of control and three step problem solving plans ...

Both of which serve as calming techniques—for ME. :)

Once these calming techniques were mine

I was able to role model self-restraint-under-fire

Whenever tension, born of conflict

Disrupted familial harmony in our home.

As my children grew up in the presence of a role model

Who'd practiced self soothing techniques

Which served to calm emotional reactiveness

Emotional escalation didn’t toss conflict resolution out the door.

Each time I watch a parent choose to adopt

The line of control, thereby practicing

Mutually respectful problem solving techniques, consistently

I smile big time for this reason:

Plain and simple ...

I know another family is forming a good habit ...

And that makes me happy for this reason:

Good habits are as hard to break as bad habits :) :) 

PS. This post was behaving badly ...

Let’s see if my choice to remain calm and patient

During the editing process worked out the kinks ...

Since I’m about to push publish, again—wish me luck :)



Having edited umpteen times

All I can say

At this point is ...

Oh well, can't win'em all—sigh ... 

726 NAVIGATING SUCCESSFULLY TOWARD COMMON GRIOUND

Today, I'm eager to offer you three insights for the price of one:  If one hopes to navigate successfully through life's rocky moments with our most meaningful relationships then the mind must be trained to ... remain calm and clear when setting boundaries; to be kind when privacy is breached (suggesting a glaring need to assert one's independence) and to learn how to maintain one's sense of calmness as tension mounts during moments fraught with conflict.  Once this trio guides your path, you'll be less likely to trip over any unfinished business that may spill out of your junk drawer when a loved one pushes red hot buttons, releasing memories so troubling that your need for self restraint proves great.

If I chose to write solely of idyllic moments spent with loved ones, the story of my life would read as a fantasy, based in the pretense of denial.  As writing a fairy tale is at cross purposes with my mission of sharing the true nitty-gritty nature of life, suffice to say that pushing past my comfort zones proves necessary if I hope to connect gritty memories with insight into reality's deeper truths, time and again.  As the truth is often painful to confront, many posts demand humility to write, courage to publish.  On the other hand, as it's true that pain precedes gain, upon exposing the underbelly of life to you, my defense system's narrow views explore reason to expand, and thus is my passion for self discovery fulfilled :) 

As mentioned in a post, further back, communicating with kindness, discretion and clarity, expressly when loved ones or colleagues are pushing hot buttons, is vital to every relationship's good health.  And let me say that it takes a whale of self restraint not to push their hot buttons back.  When asked what stops me from striking back, my reply is two fold:  My mind is practiced at maintaing a clear focus on conflict resolution.  And my mind knows better than to emulate character traits that I do not respect.

As effective communications relies upon kindness, discretion, clarity, and self restraint, you'll rarely see me eating my own words, wallowing in regret or slipping subtle insults your way under the table.  At this point in my life, my spirit feels peaceful, most days, and my body sleeps well, most nights for this reason:  My mind has been consciously groomed to attach to a host of listening and speaking skills during life's most tumultuous moments when the defensive reactions of others, less practiced at kindness, self restraint and clarity, freeze like statues or fly off the handle, acting as though they've lost control over the logical side of their tongues, specifically at those times when logic, kindness, discretion and clarity save the day.

As to the story I promised, concerning the insightful grandpa and his fortunate grand son, patience, my friends ... IPad still acting out, so though I'm eager to share this host of insights with you, that post will remain in time out (also known as drafts) until I fly home and reconnect, appreciatively, with my trusty computer's expanded capabilities, again.  :)

As to today's plans with mom ... First, we're set to enjoy lunch with a dear high school friend, who, demonstrating a sense of eagerness when offering to pick us up, seems as excited to spend time with us as we are with her.  Secondly, a couple, proving to be devoted friends ever since our college days, have chosen to pick me up earlier than expected to spend time with Mom before depositing me at the airport.  Nice day to look forward to ... right?  And how! :)

725 TERRIFIC COMMENTS FROM INSIGHTFUL GRANDPA MUST WAIT ...

Once again, this is where patience comes into play.
I'm eager to publish a success story expressed by a grandpa, who made good use of insight to help a beloved child resolve a bout with inner conflict, but for some unknown reason, I can't get my strong-willed iPad to behave in such a way as to allow me to post this heartwarming story, concerning the successful resolution of confidence crises.  Having spent the past hour working unsuccessfully to remedy this problem, it seems wise to place my frustration and my iPad to one side in order to greet the day with my cheery nature intact. Hopefully, I'll figure out how to solve this problem sometime later, today.  As for now, my priority is putting my best face forward while readying myself to enjoy breakfast with Mom :)

724 THE NEED TO MEET MY NEEDS :)

it stands to reason that with personal growth, a person, whose sights have been set on taking good care of everyone else, may awaken, one day, to acknowledge a need to take good care of one's own needs, as well.

Pain is Mother Nature's Chief Indicator that draws attention to something in need of fixing that has gone wrong  ...

During one session with insightful therapist, who helps me to juggle my needs with those of my beloved 100 year old mother, wise advisor asked:  Annie, do you know why you choose to connect most often and intimately with strong willed people?

This question arose in response to my having spoken at considerable length about my choice of husband, best friend, writing partner.  Without hesitation, this insight emerged from deep inside my mind:  Each of these people provide me with on going reasons to push past the limits of my comfort zone.  You see, while hoping to establish common ground with each of them, I force myself to identify and express my needs more openly, honestly, thus with a greater sense of self empowered clarity, today, than I'd felt free to do so before.

Therapist response ... "Bingo" ... big smile :)

.

723 COSTA RICA, TAIWAN, CROATIA, SOOUTH KOREA ... and MOM :)

Welcome or welcome back to these nations :)
Sun shining bright ...
Sky vibrant blue
Heart happy today
Flying to see Mom
Mom will be 100 years old in September ...
Talk about amazing role models :) :) :)

722 WHEN YOU LOSE FAITH IN YOURSELF, WHO BELIEVES IN YOU? I DO! :)

Who believes in you when you lose faith in yourself? ... I DO, THAT'S WHO!

If you ask why that's true, I'll reply:  I've come to understand the ways in which a confidence crises undermines strong spirits, sharp minds.

If you ask:

WHAT IS A CONFIDENCE CRISES?

I'll reply:  A confidence crises occurs when fear causes a high self esteeming mind to wander off the path where self trust supports strong spirited self confidence necessary to achieve success.

If you believe that wandering into a confidence crises is unusual for a specific child or adult, it's important to surmise which fear may be shaking that person's sense of self trust.  At some point, everyone experiences a self confidence crises except for me... Ha!   Please note: I just made light of this serious subject in hopes of lightening your mind for this reason ... once fear is placed in a time out chair, trains of thought are more apt to brighten our minds with insight into whatever may be catalyzing a down-in-the-mouth attitude that casts dark shadows upon one's ability to proceed, step by step, toward achieving success.

When a loved one or friend or colleague experiences confidence crises, it’s important that he or she sense that you are NOT caught up in the fear factor, too.  It's important to remember that once sensed, fear can be highly contagious.  Enter a room filled with fearful tension ... your brain grows tense without so much as a clue to what's going on. The animal portion of the human brain senses danger closing in before intelligence has a clue as to whether or not that danger is a threat to us.

Rather than trying to convince a person in crises that you believe in him/her ... FEEL confident that this reaction will be short lived or else a person in crises, sensing your fear, may heighten his own.  (For simplicity's sake, he, him, his will take on unisex meaning)

Once your belief in another person’s strong spirited capabilities resuscitates ...

Make a plan to ENJOY one-on-one time, together

Spend this time expressing traits of his that you admire

Then ask which traits he admires in you

Next ask which traits he admires within himself

If, with fear squeezing his mind, he can't think of anything positive, right off the bat

Remind him of difficult tasks he's already mastered—step by step

Then express something you fear, today or in the past, about yourself

Follow up with subtle questions concerning anything he may fear, presently

If questions flow out from the inquisitive rather than the fearful part of your mind then both comfort zones relax, and ease of mind may allow his fear to expose itself.  If you strike gold, great, if you hit stalemate, he may feel too afraid to air fear aloud, as of yet.

If he does not know or can't share the main root of his confidence crises with you, then I'd suggest sharing a story where you tried unsuccessfully to achieve a goal and worried so darkly that the bright side of your mind got squished into a tight little knot of fear until you realized that certain goals, which are difficult to achieve, are referred to as long range, because lofty achievements are realized in baby steps.  Then tell him a good natured story, where he's the main character.  Relate how hard it was as a baby to turn over at four months, to sit up at six months, to figure out at eight months how to go from rocking on hands and knees to crawling, how many times a one year old stands up, takes a step, falls down ... laughs, stands up, takes a step, falls down ... laughs while everyone applauds, because one of his best traits proves to be his strong spirited, instinctive belief that if he does not give up, another illusive, long range goal will be achieved.  And because of that innate, instinctive trait, one day that baby was running like the wind ... and pretty soon, riding a trike, then a bike with training wheels until the day when he challenged himself to balance a two wheeler while adults cheered him on—not just after he'd succeeded but while his mind was busy embracing a positive attitude, which challenged him to take each next baby step toward real/izing long range goals, one after another—because that’s how we answer life’s on-going demands.  Then ask if he can define attitude and why attitude is everything ... and so on ... 

*Most important, please keep this point in mind:  Any person undergoing confidence crises needs to feel safely cradled, not just in your heart but in the fact that your confidence in him remains steady specifically at those times when he loses faith in himself :)

Sample questions to ask once emotional safety has been secured between the two of you:

Might something be causing him to fear disappointing a high achieving member of the family?  Is he too hard on himself?  Is a sibling or co worker excelling in some area, which makes his present achievements feel less significant?

In the interest of time, I'll not relate stories describing nipping confidence crises in my family in the bud, right now.

Please note that confidence crises is spied more readily in others than within self :)

If brain storming above does not get person in crises to open up, call a teacher to inquire if specific subject matter has recently grown more difficult in school ... call a coach, concerning unexpected change with position or team mates ... consider an after school activity, music lesson, etc ... consider possibility that person is being teased or bullied and feeling embarrassed or overwhelmed with confusion, he's unconsciously stuffing emotio, while denying his inability to handle whatever is causing fear to addle his mind.

When the subject is confidence crises, brain storming proves effective for this reason:

I believe that with astute and subtle execution of guidance, one can encourage another to exhume fear, undermining strong spirited self confidence.  Upon feeling secure with you as his touch stone this person’s natural skill set is likely to re-emerge once a fearful mind calms down.  On the other hand, when young, permeable, pliable traits do not have the good fortune to absorb positive attitudes, modeled by those who prove to be patient coaches, attitude formation may remain in a dark and tense, scary place.

Rather than inborn ... attitudes, modeled by adults, are absorbed directly into the memory of a child's Neo cortex just as specific languages and accents become patterned after listening to voices and tones, day after day.  During childhood, positive or negative attitudes continue to strengthen until personal traits shape up.  Low self esteeming traits shape up inside a mind where passive or fearful trains of thought detour the spirit away from believing in one's innate ability to problem solve, resolve conflicts peaceably or overcome adversity.  Each baby is born with instincts that naturally tune into the power of positive thinking over negative thinking ...unless a positive force is absent in the home ...

Bottom line, for the most part, a confidence crises does not present a serious threat to a child’s future as long as significant role models gently and patiently coach the minds of precious little peeps toward reaching each next base :) :) V*****

Again, it’s when the child unconsciously absorbs a role model's fears that that child's self trust may continue to erode while stumbling forth on a dimly lit, rocky road.  When considering my fears as a child, I give thanks for the fact that my strongly spirited, blue eyed dad maintaining a firm, yet tender, constant grip of my hand.  On the other hand,  reflection suggests fortune smiled upon me, again, as I absorbed a positive set of social skills from my lovingly involved mom :)

If asked how I know both statements to be true, I respond, otherwise—confidence crises or not—I'd not have enjoyed such a well balanced personal and professional life :)