776 BIG RED ... CHICK MAGNET ... A NEW CAR COMES HOME! :) ... Part 17

Before revealing my simple car-buying plan which
Answered needs, all around, I'd like to say this:
Though I knew myself to be Will's equal partner in life
I did not feel equal, for this reason
What I know to be true is one thing ...
What I feel about what I know is another
For example:
I know that if we light every candle on my birthday cake
We'd set the house afire—suggesting I know this to be
The fourth stage of my life, but—regardless of what I know ...
I feel young

Though I knew myself to be my husband's equal partner in life
I'd stopped feeling his equal each time
We'd discuss how best to apportion our money after
We'd decided that I'd be a full time mom
Once I stopped feeling like my husband's equal partner
My preference for this or that tended to
Submit to his preference so often that, over time
The independent nature of my spirit built up
A sense of silent resistance ...

Suffice to say that this sense of imbalance had not been true when
Will was a hard working med student and
I was a gainfully employed, bread winning teacher ... 
Though Will had earned no income, back then
Our partnership felt equal to both ...
So, if at that time when we'd switched roles, you'd asked
Annie, what caused those feelings to change, I'd have replied ...
I don't know ... However, if asked that question, today, I'd say ...
Patience my friends, that insight will emerge on another day
All I need to say about that switch, today, is this:
As a stay at home mom, everyone knew I was
Gainfully employed from dawn to dawn, but
Very few considered me to be a working mom
Because, unfortunately, we tend to believe that work and income
Go hand in hand, when in truth
There's no work more demanding of a smart heart than
Raising children joyfully, responsibly and effectively while
At the same time running a home as efficiently as
A successful business—and
If that combination doesn't equate with working at
Gainful employment—sans financial gain—I don't know what does!
Sooo—the fact that I'd chosen to
Return to the work force, part time when
David was learning to walk, offered
My think tank an opportunity to spotlight
A simple plan for what to do with my income, and
Since my husband agreed with my reasoning
We adopted a plan that accomplished two goals:
I restored my sense of equality, thus easing resentment away, and
I began to make fiscal decisions independent of the concept of
'Two heads are better than one', suggesting that
When I'd feel like making a purchase that Will felt unnecessary
I'd garnered the freedom to make that decision
Free of conflict or undeserved guilt, and
Thus did I come up with creative ideas
That surprised our family and lifted spirits, all around
And if you'd like to know how I presented my plan to make
Decisions independent of discussion with the head of the house
Well, here's the train of thought that made sense to us both:

Fortunately, we don't need my salary to pay the bills
(Will knew that part time teachers earned bubpkas)
Since my primary reason for working part time
Is for love of what I do rather than contributing to our income ...
Here's what I'd like to do with 'found money' ...
I'd like to stash whatever I earn into an account, which will
Offer me opportunities to make unilateral decisions
Whenever your mindset and mine are in conflict about
Investing cash in whatever seems to me to be
In the best interest of our family as a whole
And since our family's official bread winner found no fault
With the 'little woman's' reasoning powers
Will agreed ...
And thus was Annie's pushkie born :)

PS
It's a well known fact that
The minds of little monkey faces
Absorb certain traits from one parent
And different traits from the other, and ...
Since my mom had a pushkie—and since
I'd had reason to develop into
An observant, obdient female child, raised in the fifties ...
My mind zero'd in on the wisdom of my mother's choice to feel
A bit less dependent on my father's decisions
By placing a bit of her weekly allowance, quietly aside

In the aftermath of my sister Janet's frightening death—
I'd had sound reason to grow ever more observant and
Obedient to a fault at the vulnerable age of three
Why?
Well, after my sister's death
I found myself wandering in a maze of darkness
Feeling fearfully overwhelmed and alone ...
So, all someone had to do was to shine a smile
In my direction and you can believe me when I say that
I'd felt so relieved as to developed a strong need to
Agree with most anyone to most anything in hopes of
Ensuring that I did not cause
The smiles of loved ones to turn upside down ...
And thus did a sparkling, young maid
Develop into my husband's 'perfect' little wife—

On the other hand, serious illness in Will's childhood home offered
My husband little reason to feel joyful while growing toward adulthood
And since opposites attract, we fell in love and
Thus did he and I unwittingly create a home life, where—
Winning Will's smile meant everything to Annie, who'd
Grown up as frighted of frowns as fright can be ...
So during those rare times when my spirit-voice
Felt sound reason to stand its ground and
Express my need, thus creating conflict, right out loud ...
Well, nothing could have shocked my menfolk as much as
My feeling the need to put my foot down in
That Honda showroom ... and
Since I continued to stand my ground and
Voice my concerns, again, during our
King Arthur's round table discussion that evening at dinner—
Well, you can imagine how strong was your friend, Annie's need
To know and feel that both sides of her mind had conjoined into
A whole common-sensical-thinking machine, because
By this time in her life, this teacher of children
Whose brain had designed
Countless creative problem-solving plans, kept zero'ing in on
Her well practiced ability to brainstorm aloud in hopes of
Providing safe passage from childhood to adulthood for
All three of her precious young sons ...
And as a simple, car-purchasing plan finally crystalized
Within her minds eye
Here's the bright light of insight that
Flew out of Annie's mouth, which created pure joy, all around, on
That day when the strength of her spirit-voice put the kabash on
Her men folk's choice to purchase a car that she, who'd
Awakened in intensive care after a serious crash, did not feel safe:

What if I contribute
A portion of my teaching stash to choosing a larger, safer car?

Gosh!  Why didn't that idea occur to me, before?
Perhaps the answer to question is this:
I'd never had thousands of dollars placed in a stash of my own!

Gosh!  How simple it is to resolve family strife when
A missing puzzle piece, which you'd forgotten to consider—
Flies out of your think tank—thank good-news—at last!

You can believe me when I say that upon hearing this
Missing puzzle piece fly out of my mouth—
Five joyful minds leaped onto the band wagon—
Cheering right out loud!  :)
I mean, you could almost hear fived minds break into song—
Tooomorrow, tooomorrow—it's only a day aaawayyy :)

As the next day dawned bright and sunny, Will and I beamed to see our three muskateers shoot out of that Honda dealership, safely strapped into a brand, new, sleek, silver bullet, more commonly called an—Accord—and you might recall that a few posts back, I'd hinted, tongue in cheek, that the word 'accord' was bound to pop up, again :)

And now let's pause for a word from our sponser:
If you choose to spend time with Annie, day after day ...
Suggesting that her true stories, pulsing with simple problem-solving plans, may provide families with safe passage to detour away from divorce court toward building leadership rapport in home after home, thus ensuring that the sanctity of family life remains intact—and if you agree that the internet provides us with the best choice of vehicle to transport Annie's creative, proactive plans, world wide—and if you'd like to assist Annie's grass roots goal to increase followers from thousands to millions—and if you, like me, are amazed to know that Annie's proactive, solution seeking plans are already being read in 76 nations and counting—then may I count on you to reach out to friends and family in hopes that they'll read my stories and trains of thought and insight in conflict resolution, thus supporting a heartfelt, global effort to teach solution-seeking tools to parents and children by way of diseminating simple, problem-solving plans, which provide for peaceful co-existence from home-to-home throughout towns and cities and from nation to nation, knowing that, generally speaking, life improves by way of becoming personally involved in continuing education?

You see, I ferverently feel that the ultimate goal of achieving world peace begins with inspiring the spirit of future leadership to absorb a sense for listening to each other's needs during open minded discussions that take place when both genders and all ages learn how to engage in peaceful negotiations each time conflict erupts—first in our homes—and then beyond :)

Common sense suggests that tools adopted by both genders at all ages, at home, guide us toward building homes for future generations, which follow in parental footsteps more closely than we know.

And having satisfied my need to clarify that string of insights, today ...
Tomorrow's post will see a brand, new conflict erupt, soon after our clan of five
Signs on the dotted line and the Accord is ours, at last ... because conflict proves to be synonymous with change, and change is the only constant in life :)

775 BIG RED ... CHICK MAGNET ... A NEW CAR PLAN MEETS NEEDS, ALL AROUND! :) ... Part 16

As you can imagine, our ride home from the showroom felt far from warm and cozy.  As each of us had learned to react to anger in our own way, I'd say the climate in our car went from subzero to TNT about to blow, and if anything kept explosions at bay it was our habitual use of ...

THE LINE OF CONTROL

Back at the kitchen table, during our heated-barely-controlled-brainstorming discussion, a spotlight highlighted five points of view until an idea flew out of my mind, which made my spirit shine as bright as a sunbeam streaking across a clear, blue sky, and as this solution targeted everyone's needs, our family meeting/dinner ended on a joyful note, all around.

Hey!  I just had a great idea!
 Let's consider the practicality of this plan:
You guys want the Civic, because you think it's cool.
Dad wants the Civic, because the sticker keeps his wallet in sight
I don't want the Civic because it's size makes me shiver with fright
So, what if an untapped source of cash appears, allowing us to
Check out a car that's a step up?

As the men had shown considerable interest in a particular model in that showroom until the sticker proved beyond the limits of Will's comfort zone ... well—

You can believe me when I say that four pairs of ears were glued to my next words, and after hearing where that money might come from, the spirits of four guys leaped as high as mine, and all five minds landed on the same page :)

774 BIG RED ... CHICK MAGNET (AND A NEIGHBOR'S ADVISE) ... Part 15

If asked what creates a strong minded, well balanced voice, I'd say:
A compelling need to clarify a view while making good use of discretion.
For example ...

You can believe me when I say this:
None of my men were happy with me when we left the showroom empty handed, no Civic in sight.  Even so, no amount of resistence could sway me to change my mind when my sense of safety felt threated to the core.  At dinner, that night, discussions, which ensued grew heated.  So once again—thank goodness our family had developed THE LINE OF CONTROL

You can believe me when I say this:
Each day, I choose to sit at my computer, penning posts about insights, which guide my life, in hopes of highlighting this fact:  Children's brains can be trained and adult brains retrained to embrace postively focused, problem-solving techniques so that egocentric mindsets, which set up road blocks against seeking mutually satisfying solutions, stop sabatoging our think tank's potential ability to tolerate tension in order to brainstorm like teammates until workable solutions culminate in the creation of harmonic family life, based in the concept of win-win.


You can believe me when I say this:

In order to achieve harmony in family life, it's vital for people of both genders and all ages to learn to tame tension during multiple discussions, so that everyone concerned can partipate in brainstorming toward solutions that meet needs all around to a reasonable degree.  It's important to note that attitudes, which embrace brainstorming, do not cycle round the problem, angrily—brainstorming suggests that closed minded attitudes open to working together toward figuring out which piece of the puzzle we're all missing, so far ... And once the missing piece has been found and plugged into the hole in the original plan, it's only a matter of time before mindset expansion is clearly seen smiling on everyone's face.

You can believe me when I say this:
The best advice I ever chose to accept with humility came from a neighbor while she and I were sitting on a bench at the park, watching our children throw sand in each other's eyes:
Annie, I'd like to invite you to attend THE FAMILY EDUCATION ASSOC. with me.  Thank goodness, I agreed, because while attending free sessions offered to the public by THE FAMILY EDUCATION ASSOC., I learned that no matter your gender or age, it's never too late to choose to reretrain your brain to embrace positively focused, solution seeking communication techniques.  And here is why that insight is paramount to harmonizing with your family:  Clarity suggests that the only mind you can discipline is your own, which is why we refer to self restraint, self discipline, self control :)


 You can believe me when I say this:

While my sons were growing up my compelling need for harmonic family life inspired my brain to create five simple, tension-tolerating, communication techniques, two of which I chose to name The Line of Control and The Three-Step-Sanity-Saving-Problem Solving plan :)

You can believe me when I say this:
Our ability to open our minds and make good use of these five problem-solving tools whenever brainstorming required each of us to tolerate emotional tension offered our family adequate time to come up with leap-for-joy solutions that satisfied the needs of all concerned—and to demonstrate that point, please believe me when I say this:  Car purchasing leap-for-joy solution awaits your presence in posts, which are bound to pop up directly ahead  :) :) :)

773 BIG RED ... CHICK MAGNET ... ON THE SAME PAGE—UNTIL ... Part 14

I don't remember what narrowed the men's choice down to Honda
I don't remember what it was about the Civic that excited our sons
I do remember the sticker appealing to my sons' father
I do remember standing before the Civic and declaring—No way!
I do remember four heads spinning toward me in surprised dismay
I do remember understanding why my need for safety
Injected strength into my choice to staunchly stand my ground
Guess you might say that my need to create
A protective sense of physical safety around my family
Took precedence over all other needs for this reason:
I do remember awakening in intensive care after our accident

However, I'd no clue that while standing my ground
In the showroom, back then
A huge portion of my well developed need
To insulate the well being of my family within a sense of safety
Was actually rooted in a time when
I was three and all sense of family safety exploded

Thus catalyzing subconscious fear to unwittingly
Assume control over much of my mind after

I—along with the rest of my family—
Had felt traumatized by
The unexpected, utterly confounding, tragic loss of
My sweet, little sister Janet's innocent, young life—
Story posted somewhere near the beginning of my blog:
TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
Up above the world so high
Like an angel in the sky ...

Part one of TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
Was published on August 6th 2011
Post #220

772 BIG RED ... CHICK MAGNET ... NEW PLAN ... Part 13

So, upon awakening, today
I find myself thinking:  What did we learn
After The Beast bit into our wallet, again and again?
Upon reflection, I realized that two heads
Are better than one when
Both manage to turn toward the same
Positively focused, solution-seeking wave length without
Putting each other down
If at this time, you asked, Annie ...
Why do you think opposites attract, I'd reply:
Opposites attract in hopes that a household
Can depend upon two brains, filled with opposite strengths
Thus doubling the strengths in the household, over all, so that
A family of five can depend upon leadership choosing to
Place two smart minds in charge of
Brainstorming toward solving each problem
That comes up rather than
Pitting two heads against each other when
One or the other's experiments fail
And here is an insight that I find really important to remember:
If we were attracted to clones of ourselves, life would be boring
Then, I'd add this next train of thought:
We'd have no chance of paying close attention to
Each others' strengths in such positively focused ways as to
Absorb new strengths while partnership continues to
Make good use of common sense in hopes of creating
A home sweet home that provides safe haven for one and all
You see, every time two people, who comprise leadership
Choose to set their egos in time out, each grows more attentive to
Learning something of value from the other, and
As two open minds absorb each other's personal strengths
Leadership, working as a like-minded team, tends to
Teach children, by way of example, to formulate
Open minded attitudes, which enrich life all around by
Accepting these two facts:
Firstly, we need to learn to listen to each other closely enough to
Absorb the concept of the law of averages into our brains
SEcondly, a family has need to learn to solve problems
As they arise, or else a pile up of angst
May overwhelm the depth of love we feel for each other inside ...
And those two facts are important to remember for these reasons:

Life is a crapshoot—win some, lose some—blame no one

Once the dice are cast, only time can tell how the chips will fall

Together we stand, divided we fail each other and ourselves, as well

Buy a used car—drive home someone else's trouble—or not ...

My first used car was a clunker, and The Beast was one, too.
On the other hand, two for two does not mean we'd struck out
Two for two suggests that experience taught us to seek out
Gently used, 'pre owned' cars :)
Today, there are times when we choose to purchase 'new'
At other times we balance the budget and live the dream by
Looking for low mileage vehicles, returned to dealers at
The end of their leases ...
The strategy behind this simple plan, which
Embraces practicality and dreams, simultaneously
Allows us to consider and satisfy needs, all around
Speaking from the vantage point of many years of
Well-balanced car purchasing experience
This new plan—which suggests purchasing
Gently used cars, unleashed from two year leases—
Offers our family positive consequences, such as these:
Relieves financial pressures
Cures bouts of heartburn and saves hard-earned cash :)

Though I must admit that leadership's think tanks
Did not come up with this simple plan while our sons were teens
I decided to throw that solution into the mix before diving into
Our family's next plan of action, which arose after
The Beast thumbed her nose at all of our needs
So having shared lessons learned the hard way, now
On to our plan to unload The Beast:
First of all, busy schedules and family sanity suggest that
We need to unload The Beast as fast as possible
And thus unmet need causes life's merry-go-round to
Spin round and round
Though The Beast offered our family nothing but frustration
Dad's still not happy to see her go for three reasons:
One:  He has to give up his dream of packing her to ski in the snow
Two:  This man, who'd shown little emotion on the either side of
The spectrum is not eager to let go of
The Beast's 454 engine—Brum—Brummmm!
Three:  He's not made peace with his newest plan, which
Upon being shared during another family 'meeting'—also known
As dinner—sets the boys' spirits to cartwheeling with glee after
Listening to the head of our house clearly admitting to
Complete capitulation, which flabbergasts four pairs of ears, which
Can't believe that all of us are about to join Dad in
A new shopping expedition—as in new—meaning
Shopping for a NEW car—Wow!!
Imagine joyful pandemonium busting loose from eldest son ...
Who, during their childhood still held leader-of-the-pack status over
Attitudes of younger brothers
And since we'd openly discussed our common experience with
Failed experiments from five different points of view—
All five minds have turned the corner, landing on the same page ...
And since all-for-one-and-one-for-all-win-win proves to be
That which I need most of all ...
Everything feels fine and dandy until—
Mom's primal need for safety throws the next wrench ...

771 BIG RED ... CHICK MAGNET ... INTERMISSION :) Part 12

Sooo, I'm sure it comes as no surprise that The Beast is on her way out of our lives.  And though you may feel curious as to how our experience with her led to personal growth, all around, my mind has gone fishing, today, for this reason:

We thoroughly enjoyed entertaining a dear friend—who we'd not seen for twenty-four years—until the wee hours, last night, so my brain is begging for a restful day.  Actually, we'd reconnected on Facebook, and since he was in town with his charming, young bride, visiting family, we were thrilled when they accepted our invitation for dinner.

And thus did last night see us laughing while reminiscing over rib tickling stories and laughing ourselves silly over songs we'd made up when he was a boy.

Though one day, I'm sure to pen a post, concerning his friendship with Barry, which began at the bus stop on the boys' first day of kindergarten, and though he'd ridden in Big Red, squashed in the back seat between Barry and Steven, again and again, the time to post the story of our friendship is not yet ripe :)
Hey!   Wait a minute—now that I've stopped to think about it, our friend has already appeared in a previous post, describing the blendship between trust and lasting friendship :)

So anyway, here's why my mind is in need of a tune up, today:  Later this afternoon, I'll need to listen with attention to detail, because we have an appointment to receive a second opinion from a surgeon we've yet to meet.

So rather than describing the next leg of our automotive adventures, which kind of resemble The Three Bears—this one will not do, and that one will not do—ahhh, this one feels just right—I'll rest my mind instead of diving for insights, today.

On the other hand, I may concentrate on an activity that proves to be mundane, such as correcting mistakes in grammar, caught while rereading that lengthy stream of consciousness, concerning my two most important values being one and the same, because—well, truthfully—the perfectionist in me dies hard, and no matter how often I edit, mistakes tend to escape detection:)

770 BIG RED ... CHICK MAGNET ... REPLACED BY: OH NO—ANYTHING BUT THAT! :) Part 11

Guess it doesn't matter that Will had our mechanic check out The Beast
Had she asserted her stubborn streak right from the start
She'd not be ours, But she kept her stubborness secret until
Several weeks after Will had signed on the dotted line
Once that stubborn streak emerges and
The sun sets on my husband's love affair with The Beast
It's likely that each time Will's frustration is aired
Barry must feel more than a bit self righteous deep inside—however
The Line Of Control guides him toward making good use of self restraint
As one SUV looks as rugged as the next to me
I can't imagine why Barry bristles each time 
Her name comes up in conversation ...
However, if the truth be told, what did I know, back then, of
Guys and chick magnet machines—nada ...
So in response to my trying
To smooth ruffled feathers one time too many
Here's what I get in return ...
Mom!—explodes Barry during his umpteenth attempt to
Filter teen-aged 'common' sense into my adult female brain—
What's cool to you isn't cool to me!
Guys don't buy Suburbans for themselves ...
Guys buy Suburbans for their wives and kids!
I really wanted that Dodge Ram!
And there it is—smoldering resentment unleashed, at last ...
Suggesting that The Line of Control
Does not come with a lifetime guarantee
Though we owned The Beast for roughly a year
She never offered our family a ski weekend getway ...
That's right!  Not even once!  Why not?
Within weeks of embracing her as our own
The Bitch, I mean The Beast, flaunted her stubborn streak by
Selfishly refusing to close her driver's window ...
Thus denying our needs
And with the passage of time ... and no matter
How many mechanics we employed to fix her up
No one ever figured out which of her wires were crossed, so
In the long run, this stubborn streak did not bode well for
The Bitch making peace with any of us ...
First of all, Barry's attitude influenced Steven and David
And though he'd tolerated her presence with quiet resignation
It was not hard to sense the depth of eldest brother's irritation
As for The Three Muskateer's parents, well
Though we didn't know it at the time ...
Will and I were perfectionists, suggesting this:
That which we couldn't fix drove us both crazy
Therefore, as long as this problem remained unresolved ...
Serenity escaped our happy home ...  you see ...
The Bitch and her open window
Couldn't be left in the school parking lot without
Worrying that some punk would hotwire and steal her
She couldn't care less when our kids got soaked when it rained
Her open window forbade us from playing in cold mountain snows
When one mechanic suggested closing the window for good
Fear made me refuse ...
What if there's another accident and The Beast catches fire and
The kids need to get out of that window and they can't kick it out!
Annie—that's so far fetched!
Will—I won't make a decision based in practicality that might
Place the kids in harm's way
(Heads up:  Check out that italicized word, five lines up :)