There are times when life’s disappointments feel too magnified to numb behind layers of denial, and that’s especially true when we’re enveloped within a sense of exhaustion too heavy to shrug off for even one more day.
As I’d been shouldering both disappointment and exhaustion for more than a week, I’d felt unable to withstand the sadness that had thoroughly soaked through every inch of me on the day of my sister’s family’s departure from the desert as my family headed toward their icy homecoming upon landing in the Midwest. Once again, we experienced how the existence of Covid had thwarted our heartfelt plan to watch Ravi bond with her adorable cousins, Joshua and Jordan, my sister Sharon’s eight and five year old grandsons while all of us celebrated the eight days of Chanukah.
Once Steven had caught covid, he, Celina and Ravi had to quarantine, and since he’d tested positive on the day of my family’s arrival, that meant we’d not be able to be together until he’d tested negative. By that time, Celina and Ravi had tested positive, and so for the duration of my sister’s stay, our family had been able to enjoy Steven’s company once but Celina’s and Ravi’s not at all.
As to my unhappiness, today, here’s why I believe that my current reaction will be short-lived: I believe my inability to control the health of my family reflected my inability to regain control over my own health, and at least a portion of the sadness I feel, today, dives into the sadness that I’ve held at bay for the most part, over these past three years.
In addition to having so much youthful energy bouncing happily off the walls, the fact that I had Moh’s surgery on my face, mid week, drained whatever energy had not yet bottomed out.
And though I’d truly enjoyed my energetic great nephews, my current energy deficit has need to rebound from emptied to my now-normal level of low. As to my strength of spirit, I have no doubt that, too, shall rise anew.
In the midst of penning this post, Ravi FaceTimed me, and we remained connected for an hour. During that time, Ravi introduced me to each of her new toys, and I find the sweetness of her spirit so contagious that my spirit smiled ever so naturally, again and again.
In other words—I believe today’s blue state of mind is bound to feel technicolored before too long.
Though yesterday, my exhaustion was such that I’d forgotten to wish all of you who celebrate Christmas a wonderful holiday with family and friends, today’s message of good cheer, though one day late, is every bit as warm hearted as has been true, every year.
Thank goodness, Santa, who is immune to Covid, visited every home where good little children, like Ravi, had baked cookies and set carrots outside to nourish Santa and his reindeer for their long, round the world ride.
How readily sadness retreats and heartfelt smiles appear when a child, as sweet as Ravi FaceTimes to say::I love you, Gramma and I miss you, a lot!
🙋🏻♀️🍀Annie
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