Thought you’d like to know that I’ve been in need of my own advice in that—
I can’t ‘work’ at relieving my adult loved ones of life’s classic problems, frustrations and conflicts.
I can’t work at being or reviving my younger self
I can’t ‘work’ at hurrying myself to get well.
One thing I can do, very well, is to remind myself to relax into the moment at hand so as to listen for the voice of intuition creating magic within my conscious mind—if not immediately, then later, because the power of intuition is not to be compared with pulling into Jiffy Lube—though on second thought, intuitive thought often soothes the conscious portion of my brain to function as smoothly as would a recently lubricated, highly complex machine ...
And now that I’m feeling intuitive thought speaking soothingly through me to me about me, right now, rather than ‘hurrying’ myself toward a future day, I’m feeling my innermost need to relax my whole brain so as to stop repressing deeply disturbing emotional reactions within my subconscious in favor of consciously respecting BOTH sides of whatever I really feel rather than being false to a portion of my innermost self by stuffing mental irritation behind my defense system’s wall of denial, based in my having been persuaded to wear a permanently positively focused happy face, during childhood, when sad and/or mad is what I’d actually felt under my hood upon awakening during the dark of night as is the case—right now—in short—I can BE grateful for every blessing that’s mine while also FEELING momentarily and simultaneously sad and/or mad concerning classic irritants to peace of mind that prove beyond my control.
I mean, seriously, who feels peaceful 100% of the time knowing that a malignancy is in need of being surgically removed—again? And, how often must I remind myself that each time those I love feel need to ask God for deliverance from their worries—they are not speaking directly to me ... suggesting that upon brain storming, together, I need not feel a sense of repressed failure if my adult sons’ classic conflicts within their own psyches have not yet been identified, understood and resolved. Once my sons grew to be full fledged adults, I could no longer walk my path and theirs, as well.
Whew! Yet again, intuitive thought has set a realistic expectation in place for the over-achieving portion of my mind. In short, I can continue to offer helpful guidance without empathizing to the point of subconsciously feeling that my sons’ classic problems and inner conflicts are mine to solve and resolve.🤯Whew!
Thank you, Intuition, for being so openly frank with me as to offer up sound reason to experience a deep sigh of relief as ‘you’ shine the spotlight of insight upon my inability to see how close to anger I FEEL at MYSELF (rather than consoling myself as soothingly as I would a dearly loved friend) whenever my positively focused, over achieving subconscious mindset can’t help but fail to accomplish impossible goals—wearing a smile, no less.
And so, though several highly significant unresolved irritants have disturbed my peace of mind as of late, here is the reality that has dared to stand up to confront the brunt of my anger after experiencing this past year and a half of life threatening illness while being quarantined, during a global pandemic: I can no longer cling to the self deception that defies this deeper truth—no matter the youth of my spirit and mind, the youth of my body is behind me, and rather than grieving over such an honest perception concerning personal loss, intuitive wisdom suggests, yet again, that it’s in my best interest to take a leap of faith forward concerning my brain’s capacity to fully embrace the realistic nature of this heightening awareness: I’ll never be younger than I am, today, and by focusing forward, hopefully, I’ll continue to age suggesting that following this second serious surgery in less than a year, my body can continue to heal, and with my strong spirit intact, I’ll continue to remind myself that growing older is better, by far, than any alternative other than those found within a sci-fi movie or far fetched novel.
And now, with a sigh of relief based in having been sincerely truthful with my whole self so as to have set realistic boundaries around a lot of worries, which will always be beyond my control, hopefully, repressed anger at myself (which I cannot feel but now know has been eating at my peace of mind) will soften so as to puddle up and slip out from under my wall of denial, offering my brain additional space to enjoy a brand new smile that will not tucker out from toting the self imposed weight of denying sadness and:or anger an honest channel of healthy release, such as proves to be mine whenever I write intuitive trains of thought that feel as insightfully profound as is true of that which has been written, tonight. And with that positively focused thought floating through the intuitive portion of my mind, hopefully, a greater sense of inner peace will encourage all of me to fall back to sleep until I awaken in the morning with my spirit feeling so refreshed as to have readied my storyteller to relate the next portion of the true high school tale, at hand. And Amen to the interwoven string of insights above, which in the still of the night has intuitively brightened my conscious sense of self awareness so as to deepen my connection to inner peacefulness, yet again.
Oh wait—one more thing—As last week’s chemo is several days in the past, today, I awoke with the energy necessary to enjoy participating actively in our last Shakespearian class concerning Henry V. Next up—we’ll study the lovely family life of King Lear. I’ve no clue as to when our Zoom discussions concerning that tragedy will begin, anew.
On the flip side of this coin concerning my capacity to prolong my deeply peaceful state of being, reality just poked me in the ribs so as to remind me that if my blood work is okay ...
Today is my last chemo infusion, suggesting my facing four or five days of mental exhaustion and physical miseries, after which, hopefully, several weeks of rest and re-energizing will take place in readiness for surgically removing the rest of my right lung so as to extract every microscopic cancer cell—leaving not even one to multiply into yet another rudely uninvited tumor anywhere within my body, which my spirit is fully determined to heal wholly and completely from the inside out, at last! Whoops—just caught myself planning to control cancer, which, of course is beyond my control, which is why we confer with so many physicians at Mayo. And so’ let’s say Amen to today’s insight-driven, intuitive train of thought, which has tunneled its way out of the portion of my brain, which continues to prove as realistically positively focused as any fallible human thought processor facing yet another serious, life saving surgery could possibly be.
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