First things first—HAPPY 78th BIRTHDAY, WILL!
More about birthday surprises when next we meet as
A little birdie, tweeting in my ear, let me know that
Our hard working, fun loving sons are cooking up
Something that Will, being Will, would
Never suspect for early this evening after
Dinner is dropped off—beef tenderloin, medium rare—by
The same friend, who nourished our hearts with
Poulet ala orange, last Wednesday
Though my friend’s husband truly wishes me well
He, like Will, is thrilled to benefit from
The mutually enriching friendship that
Sprung to life, several years back, during
A neighborhood book club gathering, connecting
His wife and yours truly to a heartfelt meeting of the minds that
Began with we two before branching began to
Undergo the natural transformation that draws
Two couples toward heartfelt reason to—
Freely choose to couple up or not, over time
And now, on to every day’s
Prescription for wellness—stay positive—stay home—find sound reason to
Feel grateful, gracious, and kind—then knead that trilogy gently
Together with healthy portions of self respect before
Separating ball of resilient dough into
Carefully shaped crescents, topped with butter and
Sprinkled liberally with pure cane sugar before
Popping raw crescents into preheated oven until—voila!
A fresh batch of melt in your mouth, naturally sweetened
Smiles has been created, at least enough to enjoy offering
Freely, throughout the day, as would any Pied Piper with
Insights of value to impart, most especially to children
Here, there, everywhere throughout our small small world
Refills: unlimited
Sound advice, concerning my exhaustion, came from a dear high school friend, who keeps in touch several times a day:
Just rest, Annie. You climbed Mount Everest, last week
My initial response:
I feel like I climbed a mountain and on the way down, an avalanche swallowed me
😷🤒🤕
Then on second thought, my intuitive power of insight added:
As the avalanche was not as strong as my spirit’s resilience, my smile refused to suffocate😊 💪🏼
Thank goodness for lots of reading and astute therapy.
No FaceTiming with friends, yesterday. No energy for conversation. Except with my kids.
Reminiscing back to Tuesday, while in the hospital, a housekeeper, who was cleaning my room, said I remember you from a couple of months ago. I remember that no matter what was happening to you or how you were feeling, you smiled at everyone. I think of you when I can’t smile. And I tell my kids about you.
Wow! She really made my day. So though my spirit is exhausted, along with the rest of me, I’m choosing to see myself as The Cheshire Cat, whose smile never faded whenever the rest of him seemed to disappear into thin air. There. That’s a better vision to leave with you (and me) instead of seeing me digging my way out from under a suffocating mountain of bone chilling snow, all alone. Because, in truth, my spirit, though wearied, continues to feel buoyed forward on love flowing, back and forth, freely and clearly, on all sides. Just gotta remember to fill my noggin with memories that naturally connect yesterday’s heartfelt reason to smile to today until spirit feels refreshed and refueled enough to feel eager to bake each daily batch of naturally sweetened smiles, not a sour patch grump to be seen in the bunch.
Recent memories of these past five days—Whenever the nurses had time free, they’d pull up a chair in my room, and if I was awake but too tired to tell them my stories, they’d tell me theirs, and since I was truly interested and asked lots of questions, we became friends, which felt really good. You see, no smile given or received was mechanical. All were heartfelt, so that at the end of their shifts, while introducing the in-coming nurse, the nurse whose shift was ending tended to tell her/his colleague how much she/he enjoyed taking care of me, and with that, each hand-off felt part of a circle of love with no beginning or end ... I had so many teams of specialists involved in my case, coming and going, that this awareness hit—in addition to the docs, nurses and staff, who entered my room, there are people, all over this hospital in labs, offices and the pharmacy, who, though it’s highly unlikely that we’ll ever meet, are all taking a proactive part in my recovery, and with thoughts like that cycling round inside my head during this highly vulnerable time, my heartfelt sense of gratitude magnified so immeasurably as to warm my spirit, resulting in melting the heaviness of the avalanche away, offering my vision of myself, lying in this narrow hospital bed sound reason to lighten up and expand to include every person, of whom there are many, who will rejoice when I am well.
My friend, who’s dropping off dinner, tonight, just texted to tell me what time. Suddenly, I’m beginning to feel less like a person who climbed a mountain only to have an avalanche hit on my way down, because a healthy portion of that which nourishes my spirit’s smile during life’s most vulnerable times, is knowing that family and friends, whose hearts are as caring as tonight’s chef’s proves to be, are all with us, while social distancing, making our home feel so crowded with love that Will and I—as long as we’re experiencing everything, together—definitely miss our loved ones deeply though neither of us feels lonely.
I didn’t need to experience quarantine to know that while spending time with my family, my spirit squeezes as much happiness into every minute so as to inspire my heart to feel thoroughly soaked in our good fortune to be together. Too few people realize that the level of each person’s happiness, gratitude and inclusion is a matter of personal choice based in attitude (just as is true of choosing to leave an unhealthy situation that’s chronic in nature), which can be changed for the better as soon as chronic reason for sadness and/or frustration picks up its ornery little head and tries to bite us with its tiny sharply pointed fangs—again. And again! Until the day dawns when this self respecting stance is taken and change for the better is voiced aloud and maintained: No way is your jealous mean streak allowed to feel free to bite my loved ones or me, ever again! Life is far too precious and short to tolerate negatively focused attitudes so deeply ingrained as to forbid your careful excavation of yesteryear’s repressed pain so as to identify subconscious self defeat clearly, today, as is required if lasting change for the better is to be your just reward, tomorrow and all of the tomorrows yet to be. You see, as powerful as love is, no one can set yesteryear’s fear of personal failure free but thy personal sense of self love ... and though my heart hurts for those whose decisions continually hurt themselves, no longer will I be bitten in silence by abusive tongues without taking a verbal stance so as to say what needs to be said to set this record straight—I’ve done the work necessary to experience heightened degrees of self respectful happiness so there will be no raining on my parade—please and thank you.
The twisted nature of conundrums that rob families of peaceful coexistence must be straightened out or continued silence will offer an abusive mouth permission to open on center stage at will, and that pre-patterned legacy will be passed forward from one generation of children to the next until The Line of Self Control decides to open its mouth and be clearly heard to say ... I deserve better than you’re dishing out so shape up or ship out (ok, maybe that’s going a bit too far from one pole to the other, but you get my drift ...)
Otherwise, here is what adults who take verbal abuse in silence mistakenly convey to the watchful eyes and absorptive ears of children: I take this abuse, because I don’t deserve better.
Since there’s no third party to say: NOT TRUE! NOT TRUE! NOT TRUE! Who knows which portions of this twisted conundrum the child’s brain stores subconsciously when referencing the part that a confounding self image plays on the development of self esteem. Adults are as complex as has been the development of each one’s self image during childhood.
Children need to hear a parent take a self respected stance aloud WITH CONSISTENCY or they will grow up to believe that being verbally abused (or abusive) is acceptable treatment when they choose a life partner, later in life. Children watch everything we do. Hear everything we say. So please role model the person you hope your children will become, one developmental stage after another—and BTW—tis wise to remind yourself of this fact: personal growth in self awareness suggests that stages of development continue throughout life ... even at 76 and beyond ... as everything that lives gets better or worse, I choose better ...
Knowing this to be universally true for all of us, I am consciously aware of keeping plenty of bug spray handy inside my brain in case of bites just as toilet paper is well stocked in my laundry room. Now, about the scarcity of alcohol based hand sanitizer ...
❤️🌈🌻Annie
No comments:
Post a Comment