Here’s the good news, thus far—pain meds are keeping me comfortable, and being surrounded by love lifts my spirit to heightened levels of awareness concerning my good fortune as I choose to make good use of my time reflecting over many aspects of my life, thus far. And as long as my imagination quietly conjures up an invasion of cotton candy building up within my lung, anxiety concerning the unknown is held in check.
Yesterday I had a CT with contrast to determine the location of blood vessels throughout the mass in hopes that today, (Thursday) the interventional radiologist’s needle will be guided by way of CT toward taking samples of tissue unsaturated with blood in hopes that the results of this second biopsy will be definitive. (Tissue withdrawn during the first biopsy, last week, was inconclusive.) Hopefully, we’ll receive results leading us toward a proactive course of action on Tuesday or Wed. of next week.
And so, with a heart filled with appreciation of being surrounded by love, good wishes and a team of caring doctors, who are on their toes, I feel sound reason to smile sincerely much more often than you might think, and thus am I glad to have no bad news to relate, today. Oh—one more thing—Believe it or not, I’ve actually been craving an apple a day😊
🙋🏻♀️🌈🍎
Annie
Sent from my iPad
Thursday, October 31, 2019
Wednesday, October 30, 2019
LIFE IS ONE SURPRISE AFTER ANOTHER
I’m thinking of sending flowers to my therapist
Why? Because with her kind guidance
Much of my time spent in therapy tracked back through
Situations that had motivated the creative portion of my mind
To conjure up and internalize a line of self control, which
Over time, developed a heightened level of endurance during
Emotional duress that grew too practiced for
My own good in that, for the most part
I’d masked unhappiness, anger
And fear from my conscious mind behind
A persona, which, beginning at the age of three
I’d felt need to develop in order to
Secret any emotion that was not positive
Behind a wall of denial erected by my brain’s
Self protective defense system so as to fool
The conscious portion of my mind into believing
All was fine in my little corner of the world when
Situations that threatened my safety arose, which
Being beyond a small child’s comprehension, were
Not fine, at all, and as I’ve come to absorb the fact that
Denying the existence of life’s harshest realities is
The way a frightened child’s imaginative sense of creativity
Empowers the inexperienced processor to maintain
A firm hold on sanity when surviving trauma too
Terrifying for fledgling thought processors to
Fathom, I’ve come to understand why
Denialand serves as a crutch during mind boggling
Times though it is most certainly not an emotionally
Healthy place for the conscious portion of
Anyone’s thought processor to teside, over long, and
Yhat’s most especially true once
We’re adults, whose personal perceptions may remain
Unconsciously distorted in ways to which we, who
Had spent most of our lives struggling with
Undiagnosed PTSD, may be blinded to
Certain aspects of reality, pretty much forever
Why? Because whenever defensive denial
Runs the show, emotional intelligence is at a low or
Even worse, intelligent thought patterns are literally
Locked out of any mindset in which a leader’s
Mental block creates a brain vacuum into which
Unrealistic attitudes abound, and if leadership usurps
Control over the minds of loved ones so that
Distorted views, which reign supreme are passed
around by gangs of bullies, who, like their
Leader, crack the whip of humiliating insult over
The heads of anyone who dares to disagree and
Then if we leap toward the opposing pole of leadership
We find a mindset that sugar coats entire
Belief systems, which also differ from every opinion that
Conflicts with one’s own, suggesting that
At one pole of leadership, everyone must clone whatever
The top dog directs each individual to
Feel, say, do and believe ‘or else’ fangs and
Claws are bared, making the recipient of
Leadership’s irrational misdirected wrath feel like
Dead meat without a live brain inside
His/her head while at the other pole of leadership
The sugar plum fairy waves
Her wand over every head in sight as though
She’s empowered with conferring magical
Sensations of benevolence, dripping with
The honeyed glow of joy upon her loved ones and
Strangers, alike, so as to, hopefully
Breed peace, happiness, contentment and
—best scenario ever—pure bliss for one and all—
Care to guess which emotional pole time spent in
Reflection with a therapist, versed in clients
Recovering from PTSD, I’d claimed as my own?
Whoops—while writing with one hand, I’ve been
Twirling my wand with the other, and
Having dropped it so as to solidly hit
Myself in the head, all I can see, right now is
An array of wishing stars, twinkling over my bed ...
In truth, I’m thankful to note that
Having my mindsets grow deeply rooted into
The positively focused end of
The emotional spectrum has done
Much more good than not in that
My ability to dance around that pole with
Ease has inspired countless folks (including me) to
Adhere to their commitments while working toward
Accomplishing heartfelt dreams, which, upon
Reflection, proved to provide each of us with
Long range goals that have been truly difficult to
Achieve —then again, on the other side of that coin
I’ve been known to politely knock my head
And heart upon locked doors too long for
My own good, though in retrospect, most of
Those doors did open to welcome a rekindling of
Natural warmth between two good souls, both of
Whom had misunderstood each other’s intentions
and thus has backtracking through each stage of
My on-going development enriched
My spirit, immeasurably, and feeling thankful for
Reconciling with that reality
Offers me sound reason to stick with
The portion of the positively focused program
That sincerely inspires others to believe in themselves
Without leading myself blindly straight toward
Mental burnout, as had been true several
Times before I was diagnosed with
Blind spots based in PTSD creating mental blocks that
Layered up within the conscious portion of
My thought processor based in having experienced
A series of inter-related childhood traumas, which
Having been secreted behind my persona’s
Ever thickening wall of denial
Served to shatter portions of my self esteem, which
Had need to be restored ...
As I worked toward gaining insight into
The defensive nature of my childhood home
My therapist guided me ever so gently to
Peel away my many layered blinders so as to
Meticulously bare misbeliefs, which had created
My my life-long facade S we worked painstakingly
In hopes of freeing the intuitive portion of
My brain to encourage my veiled insecurities to
Muster the humility and courage to stand
Naked before me on center stage and face up to
The harsh lights of reality, which turned
Spotlights upon a host of my own
Very human vulnerabilities thereby releasing
‘Forgotten’ memories so as to unshackle my
Self perception from my persona by telling myself
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but
The truth about the turbulent existence of
My inner life, and though rewiring
My think tank’s misperceived perceptions of
Myself and those I love required
My processor to hunker down so as to
Take leaps of faith toward believing in
My brain’s ability to heal itself, I, holding
My well-trained therapist’s hand for moral support
Continue to achieve each next courageous task
Concerning retiring my distorted perceptions
And thus did The acknowledgment oF
PTSD prove to be vital to my well being, since
Newly expanded views of realities that
Were too harsh for a child’s sensitivities
To bear must be borne by adults if
One hopes to continue to mature into
A well balanced GROWN UP throughout
Every stage of life rather than blindly
Giving lip service to placing a high value upon
Challenging oneself to truly subscribe to
The countless merits of embracing personal growth
And here’s where patience, humility and
Courage arise to save the day, day after day:
Gain comes not without pain, and
Significant changes of a lasting nature often
Take so much time to sink into your mind (while
You're ‘peeling the onion') because baring
The naked truth to yourself hurts like hell)
And when a couple is going through
A hard time, if one mind is open to insights that
Pop like kernels of poppin’ fresh popcorn then
That person can go close to crazy
Awaiting a deeply meaningful connection to
Heat up within the closed minded views of other, whose
Kernels of truth remain frozen within a deep
Freeze where icy pots, slow to simmer when placed on
Burners, at last, take forever to heat the oil that
Releases poppin’ fresh nourishment that feels so
Personally nurturing as to be near to impossible for
Two hearts to resist and once my story moves forward
You’ll witness my husband and I assume these roles
So anyway, not to wander too far off on this tangent
I’m thinking of sending flowers to my therapist to
Say thank you for this reason:
Two weeks ago, I got bad news
Really bad news
And rather than stuffing my deepest
Emotional reaction behind a facade as
Would have been my M.O. in the past
I actually cried. As did
Will, Barry, Steven and David
I mean—Boy!—if ever I’ve been in need of
Mustering patience with medical oversights
As well as courage to face the unknown, which is
Clouding my immediate future, with
The Boldness of my spirit’s best foot forward—it’s now ...
I don’t have pneumonia
I don’t have valley fever
A CT-scan shows a large mass in one lung
My PET scan’s results show this invader to be ominous
That’s all I feel brave enough to
Say, for now, except for this—
It’s looking like my well-practiced
Line of emotional control
Is in a balanced state of being, because despite
Chest pain, headache, fatigue and
Now emotional unrest, my spirit feels strong and
I cried, today, suggesting that my sense of emotional
Balance has been working toward facing
Life’s harshest realities without
Unconsciously ducking behind
My defense system’s wall of denial, which is
Why I’m thinking of sending
My therapist flowers to thank her for
Gently encouraging my smarts to grow so
Bold as to dive into the deep of my mind, repeatedly
In order to digest bite sized pieces of
Reality to which I’d been blind at earlier
Times in my life—and thus, with patience
Courage and humility forming a trifecta
My processor feels capable of forging ahead
Through the next steps of my life’s path having
Retrained my processor to aim my focus upon
Proactive trains of thought concerning
My personal need to continue to create
New portals into identifying narrow minded
Misperceptions absorbed during childhood, and
As every conscious change for the better shines
It's spotlight upon each next deeply repressed
Negative attitude that may be exacerbating
My current level of stress, I'll continue to
Straighten out mixed messages, lodged within
My subconscious, which would otherwise
Mess with the lucidity of my perceptiveness, today
I mean, if ever it was time to inspire my
Whole self to take a flying leap of faith toward
The safety net in which to face today’s
Harsh reality surrounded by the love of
Family and friends, infusing my spirit's
Inner smile to shine forth with
My good fortune (except for
Those moments when my tears feel need to
Express suppressed emotion to flow openly
Without benefit of a cocoon), I wholeheartedly
Believe that while working determinedly to
Openly know, respect and freely embrace
Both sides of my nature with grace
I’ll gratefully welcome all of the loving support that's
Been buoying my spirit, which is sure to ride
The rapids, without capsizing (though
From time to time, a riptide is likely to arise that
Pulls me under, and when that happens
I’ll feel free to respect my natural
Emotional reaction by releasing distress
Through tears rather than bottling up fear or
Frustration deep inside as had once proved true
I mean, seriously—why were we given tears
If not to wash deeply stressed, heartfelt
distress out of our minds, naturally, thus making
Room for insight-driven intuitive trains of
Thought to filter into our state of consciousness in
Order to encourage us to reflect over
The best moments of life, which are still
Ours to enjoy with those we love as
The future unfolds, and as that’s my plan
I’m proactively empowering my spirit to
Do its best to bravely accept whatever unexpected
Turn of events each day offers up—tears and all
Why? Because with her kind guidance
Much of my time spent in therapy tracked back through
Situations that had motivated the creative portion of my mind
To conjure up and internalize a line of self control, which
Over time, developed a heightened level of endurance during
Emotional duress that grew too practiced for
My own good in that, for the most part
I’d masked unhappiness, anger
And fear from my conscious mind behind
A persona, which, beginning at the age of three
I’d felt need to develop in order to
Secret any emotion that was not positive
Behind a wall of denial erected by my brain’s
Self protective defense system so as to fool
The conscious portion of my mind into believing
All was fine in my little corner of the world when
Situations that threatened my safety arose, which
Being beyond a small child’s comprehension, were
Not fine, at all, and as I’ve come to absorb the fact that
Denying the existence of life’s harshest realities is
The way a frightened child’s imaginative sense of creativity
Empowers the inexperienced processor to maintain
A firm hold on sanity when surviving trauma too
Terrifying for fledgling thought processors to
Fathom, I’ve come to understand why
Denialand serves as a crutch during mind boggling
Times though it is most certainly not an emotionally
Healthy place for the conscious portion of
Anyone’s thought processor to teside, over long, and
Yhat’s most especially true once
We’re adults, whose personal perceptions may remain
Unconsciously distorted in ways to which we, who
Had spent most of our lives struggling with
Undiagnosed PTSD, may be blinded to
Certain aspects of reality, pretty much forever
Why? Because whenever defensive denial
Runs the show, emotional intelligence is at a low or
Even worse, intelligent thought patterns are literally
Locked out of any mindset in which a leader’s
Mental block creates a brain vacuum into which
Unrealistic attitudes abound, and if leadership usurps
Control over the minds of loved ones so that
Distorted views, which reign supreme are passed
around by gangs of bullies, who, like their
Leader, crack the whip of humiliating insult over
The heads of anyone who dares to disagree and
Then if we leap toward the opposing pole of leadership
We find a mindset that sugar coats entire
Belief systems, which also differ from every opinion that
Conflicts with one’s own, suggesting that
At one pole of leadership, everyone must clone whatever
The top dog directs each individual to
Feel, say, do and believe ‘or else’ fangs and
Claws are bared, making the recipient of
Leadership’s irrational misdirected wrath feel like
Dead meat without a live brain inside
His/her head while at the other pole of leadership
The sugar plum fairy waves
Her wand over every head in sight as though
She’s empowered with conferring magical
Sensations of benevolence, dripping with
The honeyed glow of joy upon her loved ones and
Strangers, alike, so as to, hopefully
Breed peace, happiness, contentment and
—best scenario ever—pure bliss for one and all—
Care to guess which emotional pole time spent in
Reflection with a therapist, versed in clients
Recovering from PTSD, I’d claimed as my own?
Whoops—while writing with one hand, I’ve been
Twirling my wand with the other, and
Having dropped it so as to solidly hit
Myself in the head, all I can see, right now is
An array of wishing stars, twinkling over my bed ...
In truth, I’m thankful to note that
Having my mindsets grow deeply rooted into
The positively focused end of
The emotional spectrum has done
Much more good than not in that
My ability to dance around that pole with
Ease has inspired countless folks (including me) to
Adhere to their commitments while working toward
Accomplishing heartfelt dreams, which, upon
Reflection, proved to provide each of us with
Long range goals that have been truly difficult to
Achieve —then again, on the other side of that coin
I’ve been known to politely knock my head
And heart upon locked doors too long for
My own good, though in retrospect, most of
Those doors did open to welcome a rekindling of
Natural warmth between two good souls, both of
Whom had misunderstood each other’s intentions
and thus has backtracking through each stage of
My on-going development enriched
My spirit, immeasurably, and feeling thankful for
Reconciling with that reality
Offers me sound reason to stick with
The portion of the positively focused program
That sincerely inspires others to believe in themselves
Without leading myself blindly straight toward
Mental burnout, as had been true several
Times before I was diagnosed with
Blind spots based in PTSD creating mental blocks that
Layered up within the conscious portion of
My thought processor based in having experienced
A series of inter-related childhood traumas, which
Having been secreted behind my persona’s
Ever thickening wall of denial
Served to shatter portions of my self esteem, which
Had need to be restored ...
As I worked toward gaining insight into
The defensive nature of my childhood home
My therapist guided me ever so gently to
Peel away my many layered blinders so as to
Meticulously bare misbeliefs, which had created
My my life-long facade S we worked painstakingly
In hopes of freeing the intuitive portion of
My brain to encourage my veiled insecurities to
Muster the humility and courage to stand
Naked before me on center stage and face up to
The harsh lights of reality, which turned
Spotlights upon a host of my own
Very human vulnerabilities thereby releasing
‘Forgotten’ memories so as to unshackle my
Self perception from my persona by telling myself
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but
The truth about the turbulent existence of
My inner life, and though rewiring
My think tank’s misperceived perceptions of
Myself and those I love required
My processor to hunker down so as to
Take leaps of faith toward believing in
My brain’s ability to heal itself, I, holding
My well-trained therapist’s hand for moral support
Continue to achieve each next courageous task
Concerning retiring my distorted perceptions
And thus did The acknowledgment oF
PTSD prove to be vital to my well being, since
Newly expanded views of realities that
Were too harsh for a child’s sensitivities
To bear must be borne by adults if
One hopes to continue to mature into
A well balanced GROWN UP throughout
Every stage of life rather than blindly
Giving lip service to placing a high value upon
Challenging oneself to truly subscribe to
The countless merits of embracing personal growth
And here’s where patience, humility and
Courage arise to save the day, day after day:
Gain comes not without pain, and
Significant changes of a lasting nature often
Take so much time to sink into your mind (while
You're ‘peeling the onion') because baring
The naked truth to yourself hurts like hell)
And when a couple is going through
A hard time, if one mind is open to insights that
Pop like kernels of poppin’ fresh popcorn then
That person can go close to crazy
Awaiting a deeply meaningful connection to
Heat up within the closed minded views of other, whose
Kernels of truth remain frozen within a deep
Freeze where icy pots, slow to simmer when placed on
Burners, at last, take forever to heat the oil that
Releases poppin’ fresh nourishment that feels so
Personally nurturing as to be near to impossible for
Two hearts to resist and once my story moves forward
You’ll witness my husband and I assume these roles
So anyway, not to wander too far off on this tangent
I’m thinking of sending flowers to my therapist to
Say thank you for this reason:
Two weeks ago, I got bad news
Really bad news
And rather than stuffing my deepest
Emotional reaction behind a facade as
Would have been my M.O. in the past
I actually cried. As did
Will, Barry, Steven and David
I mean—Boy!—if ever I’ve been in need of
Mustering patience with medical oversights
As well as courage to face the unknown, which is
Clouding my immediate future, with
The Boldness of my spirit’s best foot forward—it’s now ...
I don’t have pneumonia
I don’t have valley fever
A CT-scan shows a large mass in one lung
My PET scan’s results show this invader to be ominous
That’s all I feel brave enough to
Say, for now, except for this—
It’s looking like my well-practiced
Line of emotional control
Is in a balanced state of being, because despite
Chest pain, headache, fatigue and
Now emotional unrest, my spirit feels strong and
I cried, today, suggesting that my sense of emotional
Balance has been working toward facing
Life’s harshest realities without
Unconsciously ducking behind
My defense system’s wall of denial, which is
Why I’m thinking of sending
My therapist flowers to thank her for
Gently encouraging my smarts to grow so
Bold as to dive into the deep of my mind, repeatedly
In order to digest bite sized pieces of
Reality to which I’d been blind at earlier
Times in my life—and thus, with patience
Courage and humility forming a trifecta
My processor feels capable of forging ahead
Through the next steps of my life’s path having
Retrained my processor to aim my focus upon
Proactive trains of thought concerning
My personal need to continue to create
New portals into identifying narrow minded
Misperceptions absorbed during childhood, and
As every conscious change for the better shines
It's spotlight upon each next deeply repressed
Negative attitude that may be exacerbating
My current level of stress, I'll continue to
Straighten out mixed messages, lodged within
My subconscious, which would otherwise
Mess with the lucidity of my perceptiveness, today
I mean, if ever it was time to inspire my
Whole self to take a flying leap of faith toward
The safety net in which to face today’s
Harsh reality surrounded by the love of
Family and friends, infusing my spirit's
Inner smile to shine forth with
My good fortune (except for
Those moments when my tears feel need to
Express suppressed emotion to flow openly
Without benefit of a cocoon), I wholeheartedly
Believe that while working determinedly to
Openly know, respect and freely embrace
Both sides of my nature with grace
I’ll gratefully welcome all of the loving support that's
Been buoying my spirit, which is sure to ride
The rapids, without capsizing (though
From time to time, a riptide is likely to arise that
Pulls me under, and when that happens
I’ll feel free to respect my natural
Emotional reaction by releasing distress
Through tears rather than bottling up fear or
Frustration deep inside as had once proved true
I mean, seriously—why were we given tears
If not to wash deeply stressed, heartfelt
distress out of our minds, naturally, thus making
Room for insight-driven intuitive trains of
Thought to filter into our state of consciousness in
Order to encourage us to reflect over
The best moments of life, which are still
Ours to enjoy with those we love as
The future unfolds, and as that’s my plan
I’m proactively empowering my spirit to
Do its best to bravely accept whatever unexpected
Turn of events each day offers up—tears and all
Tuesday, October 29, 2019
NO NEWS IS NOT NECESSARILY GOOD NEWS
Will, David and I returned home from my pulmonologist’s office with disappointing information. Unfortunately, after steeling my nerves to absorb a definitive diagnosis, course of treatment and prognosis, we received no results, yesterday. In this instance, no news is not good news.
Generally, five tissue samples are collected during a bronchoscopy. My pulmonologist took ten, but upon examination of each sample, there was too much blood to determine anything definitive concerning categorizing these tissue samples, so now, I’m in the process of being scheduled for a radiology CT biopsy with contrast, ASAP.
On an up note, the wheezing, which worsened post bronchoscopy, is much less, today, and thankfully, a combination of meds continue to hold headache and chest pain at bay.
As to up note #2, though the element of suspense grows taut, I’ve been given no reason, as of yet, for hope to submit to fear, so my composure continues to feel naturally secure ...
PS
I'm lifting this info from The Almanac–
On October 29th, 1886: France made a gift of
The Statue of Liberty to The United States, which
Was dedicated in New York Harbor by
President Grover Cleveland
On October 29th, 1922: Benito Mussolini took
Control over the government, and Fascism reigned over Italy
On October 29th, 1940: Italy invaded Greece
"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they don't want to hear."
—George Orwell
Vigilance concerning who has earned your vote and mine is vital for this reason: As long as human nature has two sides, the concept of leadership maintaining a well balanced sense of liberty for all will forever be in jeopardy of being denied to you and me as was proved true when Pearl Harbor was bombed out of the blue while peace talks between world leaders ensued suggesting that the power mongers that arise within every next generation care not a fig for your welfare or mine, and thus is vigilance concerning who has earned your vote and mine always vital to those of us who value family, friendship, and a mutually respectful, peaceful existence for one and all, throughout this wide, wide world, which offers up more than enough to nourish the hungry if leadership agrees to keep egocentricity's greed in check—unfortunately, rather than attending to the needs of the highly diverse people who make up our nation, the King of Greed is most likely tweeting away about some personal displeasure in The Oval Office, right now.
Up note—we are each empowered to vote, and every vote counts 🌈
Generally, five tissue samples are collected during a bronchoscopy. My pulmonologist took ten, but upon examination of each sample, there was too much blood to determine anything definitive concerning categorizing these tissue samples, so now, I’m in the process of being scheduled for a radiology CT biopsy with contrast, ASAP.
On an up note, the wheezing, which worsened post bronchoscopy, is much less, today, and thankfully, a combination of meds continue to hold headache and chest pain at bay.
As to up note #2, though the element of suspense grows taut, I’ve been given no reason, as of yet, for hope to submit to fear, so my composure continues to feel naturally secure ...
PS
I'm lifting this info from The Almanac–
On October 29th, 1886: France made a gift of
The Statue of Liberty to The United States, which
Was dedicated in New York Harbor by
President Grover Cleveland
On October 29th, 1922: Benito Mussolini took
Control over the government, and Fascism reigned over Italy
On October 29th, 1940: Italy invaded Greece
"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they don't want to hear."
—George Orwell
Vigilance concerning who has earned your vote and mine is vital for this reason: As long as human nature has two sides, the concept of leadership maintaining a well balanced sense of liberty for all will forever be in jeopardy of being denied to you and me as was proved true when Pearl Harbor was bombed out of the blue while peace talks between world leaders ensued suggesting that the power mongers that arise within every next generation care not a fig for your welfare or mine, and thus is vigilance concerning who has earned your vote and mine always vital to those of us who value family, friendship, and a mutually respectful, peaceful existence for one and all, throughout this wide, wide world, which offers up more than enough to nourish the hungry if leadership agrees to keep egocentricity's greed in check—unfortunately, rather than attending to the needs of the highly diverse people who make up our nation, the King of Greed is most likely tweeting away about some personal displeasure in The Oval Office, right now.
Up note—we are each empowered to vote, and every vote counts 🌈
Monday, October 28, 2019
I CAN’T MESS WITH FATE BUT I CAN HOPE FOR THE BEST
We’re now an hour away from my appointment with the pulmonologist
I’ve been keeping my imagination focused on the bright side by
Conceiving of a festive centerpiece, twinkle lights and all , which
I’ll create in readiness to decorate the table when my book group
Convenes for our annual holiday party at a restaurant of
My choosing, as it has been my pleasure to plan this
Festive gathering for the second week in December at which
Time we each bring a toy, all of which are taken to the fire station
By Ravi and me, along with whomsoever chooses to
Deliver our annual offering to Toys for Tots.
So anyway, while awaiting the ticking of the clock to signal
Us that it is time to get into the car and head out to my appointment
I’ve been occupying my mind by calling forth
Creativity, which often leads me toward enjoying
A step by step process in which one original idea gives birth to
The next, and as my imagination, which happily creates each of
These centerpieces, is jumpstarted around Halloween, it makes
Sense to be aware of this week being the kick off for
All of the festive occasions that people the world over are
Gearing up to enjoy with family and friends, and as
Today’s thread of thought brings to mind a young girl, whose
Youthful optimism concerning human nature invested
Her spirit with a capricious sense of courage that
Proved contagious during the expanse of
Her family’s lengthy stay, hidden away, within
A secret attic, I am reminded of all of the men, women
And children, who, throughout time, have (with
The aid of loving friends) felt inspired to remain
Hopeful of surviving whatever fate has in store for each one ...
“We’re all living lives that are different and yet the same.”
—Anne Frank
My horoscope, today: “You’re better off assuming that you can improve the world than believing you can’t”
Whew! That’s a relief!
I mean, it’s true that I can’t mess with fate but
Whenever life gives me lemons to chew on
My imagination grabs onto a sturdy vine made up of
Clusters of grapes sweetened with optimism and hope upon which
My spirit, feeling well nourished, swings directly ahead toward
Mindfully absorbing whatever proves necessary to heal with haste ...
I’ve been keeping my imagination focused on the bright side by
Conceiving of a festive centerpiece, twinkle lights and all , which
I’ll create in readiness to decorate the table when my book group
Convenes for our annual holiday party at a restaurant of
My choosing, as it has been my pleasure to plan this
Festive gathering for the second week in December at which
Time we each bring a toy, all of which are taken to the fire station
By Ravi and me, along with whomsoever chooses to
Deliver our annual offering to Toys for Tots.
So anyway, while awaiting the ticking of the clock to signal
Us that it is time to get into the car and head out to my appointment
I’ve been occupying my mind by calling forth
Creativity, which often leads me toward enjoying
A step by step process in which one original idea gives birth to
The next, and as my imagination, which happily creates each of
These centerpieces, is jumpstarted around Halloween, it makes
Sense to be aware of this week being the kick off for
All of the festive occasions that people the world over are
Gearing up to enjoy with family and friends, and as
Today’s thread of thought brings to mind a young girl, whose
Youthful optimism concerning human nature invested
Her spirit with a capricious sense of courage that
Proved contagious during the expanse of
Her family’s lengthy stay, hidden away, within
A secret attic, I am reminded of all of the men, women
And children, who, throughout time, have (with
The aid of loving friends) felt inspired to remain
Hopeful of surviving whatever fate has in store for each one ...
“We’re all living lives that are different and yet the same.”
—Anne Frank
My horoscope, today: “You’re better off assuming that you can improve the world than believing you can’t”
Whew! That’s a relief!
I mean, it’s true that I can’t mess with fate but
Whenever life gives me lemons to chew on
My imagination grabs onto a sturdy vine made up of
Clusters of grapes sweetened with optimism and hope upon which
My spirit, feeling well nourished, swings directly ahead toward
Mindfully absorbing whatever proves necessary to heal with haste ...
2018's pumpkin carving parties (Steven, Ravi, David)
Corey and Trent
2018 book club luncheon
2018 delivering toys for tots and a thank you cake to our local fire station
2019: The holidays beckon, just ahead, and with patience intact, life is good
Sunday, October 27, 2019
SO FAR, MY COMPOSURE HAS SUCCESSFULLY RELIED UPON MY LINE OF CONTROL
I’m actually surprised at how effectively my conscious choice of attitude (concerning feeling a grateful sense of composure) has been consistently maintained, over these past several weeks. I’m surprised because clearly, I am astutely aware of subconscious unrest suppressed behind my Line Of Self Control —seriously, if, rather than me, the person awaiting results of a biopsy taken from one of their lungs had been Will, Barry, Steven, David, one of our grandkids or my sister, I’d be a wreck!
Thank goodness, I’ve never kicked my addiction to hope, because each time anxiety threatens to filter into the conscious portion of my processor, I quickly switch tracks from the dark side of my mind toward imagining the results of my bronchoscopy spotlighting a weirdly rare microscopic invasion of little critters, which, having been sliced, diced and definitively diagnosed, will ‘surely’ be peaceably evicted ASAP 🙋🏻♀️🌈🌻
Thank goodness, I’ve never kicked my addiction to hope, because each time anxiety threatens to filter into the conscious portion of my processor, I quickly switch tracks from the dark side of my mind toward imagining the results of my bronchoscopy spotlighting a weirdly rare microscopic invasion of little critters, which, having been sliced, diced and definitively diagnosed, will ‘surely’ be peaceably evicted ASAP 🙋🏻♀️🌈🌻
Saturday, October 26, 2019
THANK GOODNESS FOR TEXTING!
With the exception of my sons, I’ve been texting with family and friends rather than calling, because talking about these past several weeks threatens my mind to flood with anxiety, which I’ve managed to suppress just beneath my conscious awareness. As a matter of fact, I’ve been consciously choosing to buoy my spirit by concentrating my focus toward every good thing that I’ve been blessed with over my lifetime.
Will has been fielding phone calls to answer questions from loved ones, who have tuned into the grapevine. Most of my family in the Midwest. have been given no clue, as of yet, that my diagnosis has darkened from pneumonia to something more serious. And we’ve contacted none of our out-of-town friends (except for those, who call hoping to hear that pneumonia is healing).
Mentally, I am successfully challenging my attitude to hold my spirit afloat by truly living in the moment until Monday, when we expect to receive definitive results concerning last Wednesday’s bronchoscopy. So far, I’ve managed to hold a flood of anxiety at bay.
Love and laughter continue to be my most effective medicines—and in town family and friends have been surprising me with treats in hopes of whetting my appetite with the likes of iced mochas and scones. Dear friends, winter visitors, who are in town, are bringing dinner, tonight.
Will and our sons fill my heart with appreciation of my good fortune, and Ravi’s funny antics and precocious conversations are as naturally entertaining as can be, and being that I’m fully aware of feeling grateful, my plan is to keep my mind focused on the fact that everywhere I turn, our circle of love keeps my heart smiling with sincerity (though if I added serenity that would prove to be quite a stretch of my imagination, for sure..🙋🏻♀️🌈
Will has been fielding phone calls to answer questions from loved ones, who have tuned into the grapevine. Most of my family in the Midwest. have been given no clue, as of yet, that my diagnosis has darkened from pneumonia to something more serious. And we’ve contacted none of our out-of-town friends (except for those, who call hoping to hear that pneumonia is healing).
Mentally, I am successfully challenging my attitude to hold my spirit afloat by truly living in the moment until Monday, when we expect to receive definitive results concerning last Wednesday’s bronchoscopy. So far, I’ve managed to hold a flood of anxiety at bay.
Love and laughter continue to be my most effective medicines—and in town family and friends have been surprising me with treats in hopes of whetting my appetite with the likes of iced mochas and scones. Dear friends, winter visitors, who are in town, are bringing dinner, tonight.
Will and our sons fill my heart with appreciation of my good fortune, and Ravi’s funny antics and precocious conversations are as naturally entertaining as can be, and being that I’m fully aware of feeling grateful, my plan is to keep my mind focused on the fact that everywhere I turn, our circle of love keeps my heart smiling with sincerity (though if I added serenity that would prove to be quite a stretch of my imagination, for sure..🙋🏻♀️🌈
Friday, October 25, 2019
IS THE BEST YET TO COME? LET’S HOPE SO!
Here’s hoping you slept well and that your day got off to a smooth start. I’ve been sleeping well, this week, most likely due to downing pain meds at about 8pm followed by half of an ambien at bedtime. Though I awaken feeling peaceful on the surface, I’m vaguely aware of an ocean of repressed unrest rumbling deep within my subconscious as though threatening to filter into my conscious mind if my line of self control nods off just long enough for courage (which steadies my focus upon lucidity) to take a nap, which is not permitted during the days ahead while we await Monday’s appointment with my pulmonologist, who plans to explain her diagnosis, prognosis and plan for treatment concerning my need to evict this mass of cotton candy that took up residence, uninvited, within the two lower lobes of my right lung.
Though you might think me anxious while awaiting Monday’s appointment, I’m highly aware of feeling thankful for enjoying time, today, Sat. and Sun. with beloved members of my family and dear friends, because as long as I don’t yet know what fate has in store for me, my spirit remains naturally buoyed on love, which, along with my medicated state of hyper awareness, feels like I’m being wisked away from worry toward gaining an ever deepening appreciation of my good fortune to have enjoyed the greater portion of my life upon a magic carpet ride, steered by my sunny vision of hope for the best—suggesting that with positive attitudes in the driver’s seat, the best may be yet to come. ...
Here’s hoping for the best for you, too! 🙋🏻♀️🌈
PS
Though I remember pairing up with a classmate to create a huge set of lungs out of chicken wire and paper mache (our project for our sixth grade science fair), apparently, with the passage of decades, I’d forgotten that our lungs are not a perfectly matched set, because one lung is composed of two lobes while the other has three. And of my five lobes, the bottom and middle lobes of my three lobed lung are the ones, which are cause for concern.
Up note for today—I’m pleasantly surprised at my apparent ability to offer this particular worrier (that would be me) pep talks concerning positivity, which have actually been buoying my spirit successfully ... and as it’s time for David to pick up Ravi from school, I’ll ready myself to enjoy today’s magic carpet ride—literally—since David and Ravi play on the expanse of my bedroom carpet while I scoot down to the foot of my bed and stretch out comfortably, so as to watch the two of them playing the day away, which floods my heart with happiness so light and bright as to make me feel like a glow stick while I breathe in my son and granddaughter combining two active imaginations into one that proves so sunny and funny as to fill the air we inhale with the best combination of pain relievers, ever—the honeyed nectar of love intertwining with good natured laughter ...
Though you might think me anxious while awaiting Monday’s appointment, I’m highly aware of feeling thankful for enjoying time, today, Sat. and Sun. with beloved members of my family and dear friends, because as long as I don’t yet know what fate has in store for me, my spirit remains naturally buoyed on love, which, along with my medicated state of hyper awareness, feels like I’m being wisked away from worry toward gaining an ever deepening appreciation of my good fortune to have enjoyed the greater portion of my life upon a magic carpet ride, steered by my sunny vision of hope for the best—suggesting that with positive attitudes in the driver’s seat, the best may be yet to come. ...
Here’s hoping for the best for you, too! 🙋🏻♀️🌈
PS
Though I remember pairing up with a classmate to create a huge set of lungs out of chicken wire and paper mache (our project for our sixth grade science fair), apparently, with the passage of decades, I’d forgotten that our lungs are not a perfectly matched set, because one lung is composed of two lobes while the other has three. And of my five lobes, the bottom and middle lobes of my three lobed lung are the ones, which are cause for concern.
Up note for today—I’m pleasantly surprised at my apparent ability to offer this particular worrier (that would be me) pep talks concerning positivity, which have actually been buoying my spirit successfully ... and as it’s time for David to pick up Ravi from school, I’ll ready myself to enjoy today’s magic carpet ride—literally—since David and Ravi play on the expanse of my bedroom carpet while I scoot down to the foot of my bed and stretch out comfortably, so as to watch the two of them playing the day away, which floods my heart with happiness so light and bright as to make me feel like a glow stick while I breathe in my son and granddaughter combining two active imaginations into one that proves so sunny and funny as to fill the air we inhale with the best combination of pain relievers, ever—the honeyed nectar of love intertwining with good natured laughter ...
Wednesday, October 23, 2019
YOUNG OR OLD, RICH OR POOR, LIFE OFFERS EACH OF US ONE CONFOUNDING RIDDLE AFTER ANOTHER
Riptide #1—I mean—Riddle #1 is seriously in need of our consideration, ASAP:
Since the minds of voters and governing officials have been consumed with trump’s never-ending-trail-of-dirty trickery, over these last several years (while the whole world watches in utter disbelief), who, pray tell, has been leading our nation with anything resembling intelligence, lucidity and compassion? The silence proves deafening ...
Have we elected only orators, who, once in office, provide us with hot house tomatoes, meaning that not one dude amongst the whole crop is capable of remaining as cool as a cucumber during crises so as to rise heads above the rest, thus inspiring those whose inconsistent insecurities can think of nothing more creative than trash talking trump while his crooked chronies bury their heads ever more deeply into the swamp, which, having swept from one red state through another, brings to mind biblical times, when Ramses ordered his robotic army of chariots to chase down an impoverished people into the Red Sea, which parted only so long as to let the people of Moses go free to wander desert terrain for forty years after those who’d been armed with hate born of predujicial beliefs had failed to think clearly and courageously for themselves, and thus were they fated to drown in a sea representing the blood of generations of innocents who’d perished ‘neath the heartless whip of slavery. And as this train of thought brings us back to our very own Ramses tweeting away, night and day, the fact that an ogre remains ensconced within The Oval Office necessitates our current need to brainstorm in clusters in hopes of resolving riddle #2, which implores a modern day Moses to arise before our astonished eyes so as to assume the magical mantle of leadership, which fits very few individuals who have mastered the where-with-all to earn the respect of our populous by standing so tall while gunning for change that will improve life for one and all as to be acknowledged as the shot heard round a world in dire need of leadership, whose priorities can be trusted to devote a first term in office to disbanding the powers of special interest groups, which feed only the wealthy, ASAIHP (As Soon As Is Humanly Possible)
As of late, fate has offered me sound reason to confer with God,daily, so I figure it can’t hurt to throw this next ball up into the air where, upon landing in God’s court, we may luck out to catch sight of whatever surprise fate may bounce back in our direction, and with that positively focused thought in mind, here comes my heartfelt plea: Please God—get the lead out of people’s pants; get their thinking caps on straight, and let’s get out the vote for congressmen/women who are empowered to master the courage to hold themselves, as well as our next president, accountable to a higher power of principles than has proved true, thus far, being that within (what seems like) a blink of an eye, fury, passivity and greed have mingled together so sharply as to have minced our nation’s former strengths into sludge, miring our country-(wo)men up to our eyes in a quicksand-infested swamp, which, though much discussed, has yet to be drained of illegal debauchery conducted by a gang of highly organized thugs, who continue to lug the dead weight of our dispirited elected officials around by a communal ring that strings their spineless noses, together, in one mindless downhill cycle after another, each of which offers each next generation of young people sound reason to grow so defiant as to commit sanity to spiraling ever more deeply into oblivion, also known as the fiery bowels of man made hell, where the impoverished, many of whom are inevitably incarcerated in our nation’s over-crowded prisons, where, languishing, year after year, boys and girls are confronted with hard core violence, not to be feared by white collared criminals, who are sent to low security prisons with a slap on their hands, suggesting that justice is far fetched in a nation that remains clueless to the evidence that refutes our belief in the USA being classless ...
Time for an up note?
Hopefully, a better tomorrow will be the proactive result of elections to come ...
Since the minds of voters and governing officials have been consumed with trump’s never-ending-trail-of-dirty trickery, over these last several years (while the whole world watches in utter disbelief), who, pray tell, has been leading our nation with anything resembling intelligence, lucidity and compassion? The silence proves deafening ...
Have we elected only orators, who, once in office, provide us with hot house tomatoes, meaning that not one dude amongst the whole crop is capable of remaining as cool as a cucumber during crises so as to rise heads above the rest, thus inspiring those whose inconsistent insecurities can think of nothing more creative than trash talking trump while his crooked chronies bury their heads ever more deeply into the swamp, which, having swept from one red state through another, brings to mind biblical times, when Ramses ordered his robotic army of chariots to chase down an impoverished people into the Red Sea, which parted only so long as to let the people of Moses go free to wander desert terrain for forty years after those who’d been armed with hate born of predujicial beliefs had failed to think clearly and courageously for themselves, and thus were they fated to drown in a sea representing the blood of generations of innocents who’d perished ‘neath the heartless whip of slavery. And as this train of thought brings us back to our very own Ramses tweeting away, night and day, the fact that an ogre remains ensconced within The Oval Office necessitates our current need to brainstorm in clusters in hopes of resolving riddle #2, which implores a modern day Moses to arise before our astonished eyes so as to assume the magical mantle of leadership, which fits very few individuals who have mastered the where-with-all to earn the respect of our populous by standing so tall while gunning for change that will improve life for one and all as to be acknowledged as the shot heard round a world in dire need of leadership, whose priorities can be trusted to devote a first term in office to disbanding the powers of special interest groups, which feed only the wealthy, ASAIHP (As Soon As Is Humanly Possible)
As of late, fate has offered me sound reason to confer with God,daily, so I figure it can’t hurt to throw this next ball up into the air where, upon landing in God’s court, we may luck out to catch sight of whatever surprise fate may bounce back in our direction, and with that positively focused thought in mind, here comes my heartfelt plea: Please God—get the lead out of people’s pants; get their thinking caps on straight, and let’s get out the vote for congressmen/women who are empowered to master the courage to hold themselves, as well as our next president, accountable to a higher power of principles than has proved true, thus far, being that within (what seems like) a blink of an eye, fury, passivity and greed have mingled together so sharply as to have minced our nation’s former strengths into sludge, miring our country-(wo)men up to our eyes in a quicksand-infested swamp, which, though much discussed, has yet to be drained of illegal debauchery conducted by a gang of highly organized thugs, who continue to lug the dead weight of our dispirited elected officials around by a communal ring that strings their spineless noses, together, in one mindless downhill cycle after another, each of which offers each next generation of young people sound reason to grow so defiant as to commit sanity to spiraling ever more deeply into oblivion, also known as the fiery bowels of man made hell, where the impoverished, many of whom are inevitably incarcerated in our nation’s over-crowded prisons, where, languishing, year after year, boys and girls are confronted with hard core violence, not to be feared by white collared criminals, who are sent to low security prisons with a slap on their hands, suggesting that justice is far fetched in a nation that remains clueless to the evidence that refutes our belief in the USA being classless ...
Time for an up note?
Hopefully, a better tomorrow will be the proactive result of elections to come ...
Sunday, October 20, 2019
ONCE AGAIN, MY FIRST THOUGHT IS NOT NECESSARILY MY BEST THOUGHT
I chose to withdraw
The last post published for two reasons
First of all, I’d placed the carriage before the horse by
Sending my heartfelt thoughts concerning
The current state of my health into cyberspace before
Most of my loved ones have been given a clue that
My immediate family has begun to carry
A heavy load—my primary reason for
Placing that post in drafts, temporarily, is this—
Why reveal sensitive info by way of cyberspace when
I don’t know if, at this point in time, any of
My loved ones are following my blog
I mean, those who love me have need to be
Contacted, personally, once we’ve received
A definitive diagnosis, which will allow us to
Answer questions that are bound to arise
In short, why worry loved ones, jarringly, prematurely
And—outside chance—perhaps, unnecessarily ...
(If perchance, anyone who knows me personally is reading
This post, please feel free to contact me, and one of us will
Reach out to you ASAP)
Secondly, upon review of the post withdrawn, I came to see that
Several complex trains of thought had not yet been clearly expressed
So hopefully, you'll master the patience to bear with me if
I take a hiatus until my diagnosis is airtight ... unless
Of course, I feel inspired to express
Insights that arise concerning other aspects of life
Your friend,
Tugboat Annie
PS
David chose to fly in, last night, and as Steven brought Ravi
Over, today, truthfully, I laughed as much as
Usual at her imaginative perceptions and natural antics and
I smiled quietly more often than you might surmise each time
I consciously acknowledged my spirit’s good fortune to be
Buoyed by immediate family and in-town friends who have been
Calling, sounding concerned, because they’ve grown
Accustomed to our being in touch much more
Frequently than has been true, these past few weeks
And now, having thought to conclude on an up note, today
I’ll wish you the same that I wish for myself—
A peaceful night’s sleep so as to refresh your
Strength of spirit and mine to graciously receive whatever
‘Surprise’ fate metes out, tomorrow, which is only a day away 🌈
The last post published for two reasons
First of all, I’d placed the carriage before the horse by
Sending my heartfelt thoughts concerning
The current state of my health into cyberspace before
Most of my loved ones have been given a clue that
My immediate family has begun to carry
A heavy load—my primary reason for
Placing that post in drafts, temporarily, is this—
Why reveal sensitive info by way of cyberspace when
I don’t know if, at this point in time, any of
My loved ones are following my blog
I mean, those who love me have need to be
Contacted, personally, once we’ve received
A definitive diagnosis, which will allow us to
Answer questions that are bound to arise
In short, why worry loved ones, jarringly, prematurely
And—outside chance—perhaps, unnecessarily ...
(If perchance, anyone who knows me personally is reading
This post, please feel free to contact me, and one of us will
Reach out to you ASAP)
Secondly, upon review of the post withdrawn, I came to see that
Several complex trains of thought had not yet been clearly expressed
So hopefully, you'll master the patience to bear with me if
I take a hiatus until my diagnosis is airtight ... unless
Of course, I feel inspired to express
Insights that arise concerning other aspects of life
Your friend,
Tugboat Annie
PS
David chose to fly in, last night, and as Steven brought Ravi
Over, today, truthfully, I laughed as much as
Usual at her imaginative perceptions and natural antics and
I smiled quietly more often than you might surmise each time
I consciously acknowledged my spirit’s good fortune to be
Buoyed by immediate family and in-town friends who have been
Calling, sounding concerned, because they’ve grown
Accustomed to our being in touch much more
Frequently than has been true, these past few weeks
And now, having thought to conclude on an up note, today
I’ll wish you the same that I wish for myself—
A peaceful night’s sleep so as to refresh your
Strength of spirit and mine to graciously receive whatever
‘Surprise’ fate metes out, tomorrow, which is only a day away 🌈
Monday, October 14, 2019
BETTER TO BE PROACTIVELY ASSURED THAN REMAIN PASSIVELY ANXIOUS
On Sunday, I felt need to take an ER run before dawn. Why? While headaches remained consistent, coughing, which had been nil, increased, and chest pain intensified, and as I am most often a safe-is-better-than-sorry-kind-a-gal, I chose to rein in anxiety (concerning pneumonia leaping beyond my immune system’s control) by not sitting passively, quaking silently in fear for two more days until my appointment with the pulmonologist, which is scheduled for Tuesday of this week..
Once we arrived home from the ER during the wee hours of Sunday morning with two more prescriptions to be filled, Will felt reassured enough to freely attend the NFL game with our sons while my anxiety had relaxed enough to rest on our living room couch feeling much more peaceful, all decked out in our team’s regalia, because I’d planned to cheer our gladiators toward victory, knowing’ that once this ornery little varmint has been identified and evicted from my lung, all will be well, freeing me to cheer away with Will and our sons in the stands with a bag of peanuts to shell in hand while enjoying a home game with my family—and that change for the better is sure to feel swell!
In retrospect, I got to feeling worse as Friday progressed toward Saturday, so when heightened levels of head and chest pain kept me wakeful way before sunrise on Sunday, common sense suggested my need to take that ER run in tandem with my self respectful pro active attitude, which fed my fearful stance sound reason to row my boat away from rocky thoughts toward the safe haven of the ER rather than remaining stuck within anxiety’s darkly cloudy, threatening presence at the helm, where, if I did nothing that proved calming then the aura of danger closing in ever so stealthily would continue to stalk me menacingly, perhaps unnecessarily from within my own mind until such time as my appointment with the pulmonologist was upon me, and though I’m generally a-wait-and-see-kind-kind-a-gal, Therapy has coached me to view anxiety as alerting me to consider the value of taking good care of myself when I feel up a creek with rapids in sight but no paddle, and as soon S my decision to seek out professional help, my anxious reaction relaxed in direct proportion to the fact that my intuitive smarts had called forth an attitude fortified by stoking my think tank with self respect, which stimulated a surge in self confidence that answered the ER doc’s questions much more clearly than would have been possible had anxiety addled my processor’s agility to think straight.
Once the ER doc reassured me that the chest x-Ray he’d ordered had shown the pneumonia as not yet out of control, he handed me those two new prescriptions and determined that I could safely await my appointment with the pulmonologist at home rather than being admitted to the hospital (chosen specifically after researching where my pulmonologist is on staff). And having put this proactive plan into action, my anxiety received reason to relax so naturally that I felt both at peace and deeply relieved to continue to convalesce in the quiet, comfort of home.
As to how I feel, today, Monday? About the same physically but with this bonus—now that fear is not running interference with positive focus, I need not mask my anxiety behind a tremulous smile in order not to distress anyone else, and as I continue to challenge unhealthy patterns to change for the better while gracefully sliding my needs into the expansive circle of loved ones whose happiness, good health and peace of mind I value so highly, my love and respect for each of us sees my spirit soar courageously up to the moon and back as soon as one or another comes clearly (rather than darkly) into view ... and as long as I maintain a conscious attitude of courageous vulnerability rather than erecting a subconscious wall of denial made up of false pride, my processor’s well oiled frame of mind (fortified, over time, by acknowledging my need for patience and positive focus) will see my host of inner strengths stand staunchly on my side, and as I gaze into the future, here is what I see—it won’t be long before I see my high spirited self winging past whatever is left of this harrowing ordeal in the same hearty manner that I naturally offer words to family and friends which encourage their half mast spirits to re-energize during personally trying times with this sad exception—two wounded birds are unable to help each other fly ...
So says Tug boat Annie, who is attentively aware of her think tank tiring—Toot toot!
⛴🙋🏻♀️
Once we arrived home from the ER during the wee hours of Sunday morning with two more prescriptions to be filled, Will felt reassured enough to freely attend the NFL game with our sons while my anxiety had relaxed enough to rest on our living room couch feeling much more peaceful, all decked out in our team’s regalia, because I’d planned to cheer our gladiators toward victory, knowing’ that once this ornery little varmint has been identified and evicted from my lung, all will be well, freeing me to cheer away with Will and our sons in the stands with a bag of peanuts to shell in hand while enjoying a home game with my family—and that change for the better is sure to feel swell!
In retrospect, I got to feeling worse as Friday progressed toward Saturday, so when heightened levels of head and chest pain kept me wakeful way before sunrise on Sunday, common sense suggested my need to take that ER run in tandem with my self respectful pro active attitude, which fed my fearful stance sound reason to row my boat away from rocky thoughts toward the safe haven of the ER rather than remaining stuck within anxiety’s darkly cloudy, threatening presence at the helm, where, if I did nothing that proved calming then the aura of danger closing in ever so stealthily would continue to stalk me menacingly, perhaps unnecessarily from within my own mind until such time as my appointment with the pulmonologist was upon me, and though I’m generally a-wait-and-see-kind-kind-a-gal, Therapy has coached me to view anxiety as alerting me to consider the value of taking good care of myself when I feel up a creek with rapids in sight but no paddle, and as soon S my decision to seek out professional help, my anxious reaction relaxed in direct proportion to the fact that my intuitive smarts had called forth an attitude fortified by stoking my think tank with self respect, which stimulated a surge in self confidence that answered the ER doc’s questions much more clearly than would have been possible had anxiety addled my processor’s agility to think straight.
Once the ER doc reassured me that the chest x-Ray he’d ordered had shown the pneumonia as not yet out of control, he handed me those two new prescriptions and determined that I could safely await my appointment with the pulmonologist at home rather than being admitted to the hospital (chosen specifically after researching where my pulmonologist is on staff). And having put this proactive plan into action, my anxiety received reason to relax so naturally that I felt both at peace and deeply relieved to continue to convalesce in the quiet, comfort of home.
As to how I feel, today, Monday? About the same physically but with this bonus—now that fear is not running interference with positive focus, I need not mask my anxiety behind a tremulous smile in order not to distress anyone else, and as I continue to challenge unhealthy patterns to change for the better while gracefully sliding my needs into the expansive circle of loved ones whose happiness, good health and peace of mind I value so highly, my love and respect for each of us sees my spirit soar courageously up to the moon and back as soon as one or another comes clearly (rather than darkly) into view ... and as long as I maintain a conscious attitude of courageous vulnerability rather than erecting a subconscious wall of denial made up of false pride, my processor’s well oiled frame of mind (fortified, over time, by acknowledging my need for patience and positive focus) will see my host of inner strengths stand staunchly on my side, and as I gaze into the future, here is what I see—it won’t be long before I see my high spirited self winging past whatever is left of this harrowing ordeal in the same hearty manner that I naturally offer words to family and friends which encourage their half mast spirits to re-energize during personally trying times with this sad exception—two wounded birds are unable to help each other fly ...
So says Tug boat Annie, who is attentively aware of her think tank tiring—Toot toot!
⛴🙋🏻♀️
Saturday, October 12, 2019
EAGER FOR TODAY’S MYSTERY TO BECOME YESTERDAY’S NEWS
Lets recap for clarity sake:
Over this past year, I’ve not felt like myself—as nothing was diagnosed to worry family and friends unnecessarily, I’ve been pretty quiet about the variety of specialists I’ve seen since last Sept., beginning at the neurological clinic which Will whisked me off to the first time my speech was garbled. Several neurologists at this clinic, which is world renown, have been following me ever since, and they’ve administered a barrage of mental tests, all of which have, thus far, offered up superior results in every aspect of brain function, although garbled speech has seen me transported to the institute three times, in all. (On the bright side, my battery of tests scores were so high that Will can no longer tell me that I have rocks in my head when we disagree—LOL!)😊
During recent weeks, my symptoms—chronic headache, burning sensations deep within my chest, night sweats and fatigue, all of which remained of mysterious origin—until lately—have worsened. Thank goodness, my annual physical of two weeks ago included a chest X-ray, which brought to light a silent pneumonia (no coughing or wheezing). As a Z-pak improved nothing, the culprit must not be bacterial, and as today’s X-ray follow up shows that the infection has spread over more of my lung, I’m being tested for Valley Fever, which can lead to pneumonia if the original infection remains undiagnosed, over long.
During recent weeks, my symptoms—chronic headache, burning sensations deep within my chest, night sweats and fatigue, all of which remained of mysterious origin—until lately—have worsened. Thank goodness, my annual physical of two weeks ago included a chest X-ray, which brought to light a silent pneumonia (no coughing or wheezing). As a Z-pak improved nothing, the culprit must not be bacterial, and as today’s X-ray follow up shows that the infection has spread over more of my lung, I’m being tested for Valley Fever, which can lead to pneumonia if the original infection remains undiagnosed, over long.
Though it’s not like my upbeat spirit to fill a post with one physical ailment after another, I believe you’d like to be kept in the loop now that my self respecting attitude of pro activity has seen my symptoms of the past year grounded in whatever is afflicting my lung (whether that proves to be a virus, a very stubborn bacteria, or a fungus among us), so I’ll fill you in once the result of my blood test is known (sometime next week, so I’ve been told.). In the meantime, I have appointments with a new neurologist ( because of the headaches and episodes of garbled speech) as well as a pulmonologist at my sons’ request (Mom! Now that you’ve been ill for a year and know pneumonia is keeping you down, why haven’t you asked for a referral to a pulmonologist? Good question, right? Just goes to show that even a brain, which has been tested to function at a superior level of performance, is in need of a heartfelt village to brainstorm, together, most especially when the going gets rough enough for so long as to scramble your processor until your brain functions below par once illness has undermined good health for quite a spell ...
Other than the mysterious nature of my year long malady, all is well with our family, and since my positively focused perspective, concerning maintaining an attitude of patience with our medical protocol, is intact, I truly feel blessed to be cared for so lovingly by my family and friends.
As in keeping with custom on The Jewish New Year, when we wish one another every good thing life has to offer—I hope the year ahead provides one and all with sound reasons to embrace good health, happiness, and some small but effective part to play in providing for a greater sense of personal safety within those whose anxiety spikes for sound reason as a warning sign of inner need to unite each person’s spirit with the universal spirit concerning our contribution to the greater good in hopes of re-establishing our lost sense of peaceful co-existence upon sacred ground.
🙋🏻♀️Tugboat Annie
PS
In addition to comparing my spirit to a tug boat, determined to make its way up stream, you may remember my think tank as being a plan maker extraordinaire. And as I ‘plan’ to recover my robust connection to good health as soon as possible, hopefully with the right meds, this toxic army of little critters will swiftly shrink up and be reduced to nothing more than yesterday’s news!
Long Live Re-energized Vitality!
🙋🏻♀️🌈 Your friend, Annie
Wednesday, October 9, 2019
AS A CONSEQUENCE OF MY ACHING HEAD ...
Argh!
Having reviewed my newly revised ending to
The last post published, I find its conclusion
Seriously in need of simplification, so please
Note that as soon as my aching head can
Wrap itself around a set of words, which
Prove up beat and clearly assembled (rather than
So scrambled as to make far too little sense)
I, being very much aware of my need to clean up
The end of said post, await the natural emergence of
My intuitive powers to give my deeply fatigued
Word processor a thumbs up concerning
My intellect’s readiness to rein in pain at least
Enough to reassemble words chosen in haste when
Discomfort felt too great for my processor to
Keep thinking straight so as to conclude that post in
Such a fashion as to be both upbeat and make such
Good sense as to match the best of the rest ...
And having consciously processed
The word rest,‘REST’ is what my over taxed brain is
In need of, right now, and thus is your
Friend, Tug Boat Annie, heading back to bed with
A toot-a-toot toot, signaling Mrs. Hamilton to
Come aboard and be my first mate till
My current state of mental fatigue falls fast asleep as
Proves true, here and there, throughout every day, which
Is a very good thing based upon this well known fact—
It’s imperative that your brain and mine fully absorb
The very best recipe for healing, which is
Comprised of these six ingredients:
Plenty of Fluids
Plenty of Patience
Plenty of Positive attitude
Protein as needed
And last but not least
Plenty of Zzzzzz ...
Whoops!
Due to my sleepy state of mind
I almost forgot to add ingredient #7
That being the strength of my spirit, which
Is bolstered by positively focused
Breeziness that lifts
Cheeky smiles
Known to transform
Cortisol production into
The sweet smell of
Serotonin absorption
And here’s why that plan for
My recovery is bound to
Work naturally for me—
If cortisol makes grim feel glum
While serotonin bears what
Must be borne with a grin
And if I must spend 24/7 with
Myself, day in and day out, I’ll make
Certain to exercise my smile most especially
When I’m home alone in hopes of
Managing rather than escalating
Discomfort, knowing that
Serotonin, being a natural pain killer
Is actually a by-product of smiling based in
Positive thoughts dancing through my mind
And with hopes of that tasty morsel of knowledge
Cutting my painful headache down to size
My think tank plans to empower
Its fatigued processor to consider lots
To smile about until the Sandman, sprinkling
His magic over my aches and pains, transports
All of me into Slumberland so peacefully that
My brain buddies up with healing regardless of
Whether it’s daytime, twilight or
By the light of the silvery moon🙂
😴Zzzzzzzz
(BTW, that’s not to say that
From time to time, I never look
Like this🤨, because, being
Human, it’s a sure bet that I do
Having reviewed my newly revised ending to
The last post published, I find its conclusion
Seriously in need of simplification, so please
Note that as soon as my aching head can
Wrap itself around a set of words, which
Prove up beat and clearly assembled (rather than
So scrambled as to make far too little sense)
I, being very much aware of my need to clean up
The end of said post, await the natural emergence of
My intuitive powers to give my deeply fatigued
Word processor a thumbs up concerning
My intellect’s readiness to rein in pain at least
Enough to reassemble words chosen in haste when
Discomfort felt too great for my processor to
Keep thinking straight so as to conclude that post in
Such a fashion as to be both upbeat and make such
Good sense as to match the best of the rest ...
And having consciously processed
The word rest,‘REST’ is what my over taxed brain is
In need of, right now, and thus is your
Friend, Tug Boat Annie, heading back to bed with
A toot-a-toot toot, signaling Mrs. Hamilton to
Come aboard and be my first mate till
My current state of mental fatigue falls fast asleep as
Proves true, here and there, throughout every day, which
Is a very good thing based upon this well known fact—
It’s imperative that your brain and mine fully absorb
The very best recipe for healing, which is
Comprised of these six ingredients:
Plenty of Fluids
Plenty of Patience
Plenty of Positive attitude
Protein as needed
And last but not least
Plenty of Zzzzzz ...
Whoops!
Due to my sleepy state of mind
I almost forgot to add ingredient #7
That being the strength of my spirit, which
Is bolstered by positively focused
Breeziness that lifts
Cheeky smiles
Known to transform
Cortisol production into
The sweet smell of
Serotonin absorption
And here’s why that plan for
My recovery is bound to
Work naturally for me—
If cortisol makes grim feel glum
While serotonin bears what
Must be borne with a grin
And if I must spend 24/7 with
Myself, day in and day out, I’ll make
Certain to exercise my smile most especially
When I’m home alone in hopes of
Managing rather than escalating
Discomfort, knowing that
Serotonin, being a natural pain killer
Is actually a by-product of smiling based in
Positive thoughts dancing through my mind
And with hopes of that tasty morsel of knowledge
Cutting my painful headache down to size
My think tank plans to empower
Its fatigued processor to consider lots
To smile about until the Sandman, sprinkling
His magic over my aches and pains, transports
All of me into Slumberland so peacefully that
My brain buddies up with healing regardless of
Whether it’s daytime, twilight or
By the light of the silvery moon🙂
😴Zzzzzzzz
(BTW, that’s not to say that
From time to time, I never look
Like this🤨, because, being
Human, it’s a sure bet that I do
Thursday, October 3, 2019
SURPRISE! SURPRISE!
Last week, during my annual physical
My internist may have identified (and
Hopefully apprehended) the culprit responsible for
The relentless nature of my headache as well as
Radiating chest pain and fatigue, all of which have
Plagued me so much over these past several months as to
Have compelled my think tank to consult with a variety of doctors
As I’m still making rounds from one specialist to
Another (neurologist and ENT to name two) just
Imagine my surprise to hear my internist’s voice on
The phone calling to say that my blood test results are elevated
And my chest X-ray clarifies an active pneumonia residing
Within my chest though not so much as a wheeze had
Registered by way of her stethoscope during
My exam, and the fact that I’ve not been coughing
Suggests, yet again, that everything is not
As it seems at first glance, which is why, with this
Diagnosis verified, common sense is guiding me to slow
My daily pace, considerably, thus taking my fatigue more
Seriously than had been the case before becoming
Aware of my need for rest and and an intake of fluids to
Cycle in tandem with the compromised state of
My immune system, which will surely revitalize in time for
The child at play within my heart to eagerly enjoy
Costuming myself to trick or treat with
My grandchildren by the end of this month ... and
Now that a thorough physical exam, inclusive of
X-ray vision, has identified the little varmint that’s
Been secretly limiting my social interactions (because all
I've wanted to do for months is to be quiet and lie down)
Let's hope that my positive attitude will offer
This lengthy period of physical malaise sound reason to
Pass sooner rather than later, most especially since
I’ve come to employ the self assertive portion of
My voice as my own best advocate whenever
Something continues to hurt like hell but cannot be
Seen by the naked eye though a mysterious source of
Physical pain (that’s so confounding to my smarts as to
Weigh heavily upon my mind) has been causing
My spirit to flag at half mast for quite some time being that
No physician could convince me that though
My head and chest have been aching for
No found reason that does not mean sound reason for
Physical pain does not exist, and thus, with
Self respect guiding my think tank to consult with
One specialist after another until the thorough nature of
My annual exam verified conclusive proof of
Active I nfection playing hide and seek deep within me
We come to see that my patient persistence has been
Well spent tallying a detailed account of symptoms
(Though none of which brought pneumonia to mind)
And now that the telling results of my chest X-ray holds
The interest of physicians, who had dismissed the fact that
Both of my mysterious ailments have been relentlessly
Lodged within my head and chest, we have clearly
Revealed radiating pain, acting like a siren that's been
Clamoring for attention to announce the most prevalent
Symptoms of a malady not of my processor’s on-going
Stress (though undiagnosed pain is highly distressing) but
Rather of a persistent virus or bacteria or whatever messing
With one of my lungs, and in truth, I'll care not whether
My perceptions have been right or wrong, all along, as
Long as painful illness, which has held my well being
Hostage from fully enjoying social interactions, fades
Into the past, freeing my mind, body and spirit to
Frolic freely and clearly away from this lengthy time of
Undiagnosed physical distress toward feeling blessed to
Enjoy a rosy future with family and friends inclusive of
Snow birds soon to land neath the welcoming
Heartwarming presence of the desert’s winter sun!
As to my plan to swing away from
Life’s tricks toward life’s treats, which
Proves true of everyone, everywhere, now and then—
This lengthy experience of focusing
My concentration respectfully
Toward identifying a mysterious malady has
Proved quite a feat of emotional control, and
Once my head and chest feel free and clear of
Unremitting pain, you can depend upon
My storyteller taking centerstage, yet again
BTW—if daily life running interference with
Best laid plans frustrates your on-going need to
Ratchet up patience so as not to forsake me each time
My freedom to move my story forward stalls—
Let’s pause for a moment to imagine me awakening
Several times nightly before daylight dawns to
Make my way into our master bathroom in hopes that
Upon swallowing Tylenol or Excedrin or Advil, one or
The other will help to lessen the depths of pain, radiating
Throughout my upper body as though half of my whole is
Consumed within a migraine that threatens more than
Once a day to sink this captain’s ship; however since
This is the only ship I have to complete my on-going
Regatta through this last stage of my life
Guess whose spirit feels self inspired to keep my host of
Inner strengths afloat until my smarts can, once again, calm
Down my ire enough to refocus my attitude toward
Taking a leap of faith toward fully recovering my health from
Pneumonia, at long last, though I must admit that this
Nightly series of SOS alarms, which awakens me to
Night sweats that see me sitting up to throw off my tee shirt highlighting
My need to heal from inside out, proves naturally alarming to
Human endurance being that each next round of
Rough sea squalls arising in the dark has seen
My smile sag until, once again, the intuitive portion of
My processor emerges above each tidal wave of pain so as to
Remind me to consciously reconsider the merits of pointing
My emotional compass toward sound reason to set my sails
Upon sighting the safety of home port, if not straight ahead then
Hopefully soon, where I'll surely feel physically and spiritually
Fully healed, by and by, at which time I’ll know myself to be
Deeply blessed with good health at this late stage of life, yet
Again, and in this manner of mind over matter does
Your friend, Annie, stay sane whenever my elevated level of
Pain would otherwise unleash a build up of
Frustration enough to bite off every loved one's head who has been
Wringing his/her hands in vain while conspiring how best to sweep this
Ornery army of critters out of my body before my immune system has
Regained the vigorous momentum necessary to evict that which
Must be a virus, which laughs in the face of a Z-pak, which
Proved ineffectual based in the fact that an antibiotic rivals
A bacterial infection for dominance, and as I’m no better in fact
I feel worse, at least we can assume that an army of bacteria has not
Sneaked onto the battle field, so perhaps while resting, today
I'll regain some sense of peace, which had escaped me over
These past couple of weeks until my think tank reminded me to
Feel fortunate that my health has not been attacked from both flanks ...
And now, having offered myself a positively focused
Train of thought to soothe this stage of my recovery
I'm back to bed with a first rate historical novel authored from
The point of view of Elizabeth Hamilton, whose
Blessings and travails have been keeping me company for
Quite awhile as I'm on page 336 with more than 300 to go
And rather than signing off, today, as Annie, please note that
I'm feeling so much like—The Little Tug Boat that
(like a salmon, which is instinctively determined to
Make its way upstream but not by any stretch of
My imagination to die but rather to rest for a spell until
My processor’s angle of repose revitalizes my spirit with such
An abundance of good health as to ensure
My smile’s natural sparkling enjoyment of every day of
My life to the fullest extent of my heartfelt capacity!
Toot—Toot!
My internist may have identified (and
Hopefully apprehended) the culprit responsible for
The relentless nature of my headache as well as
Radiating chest pain and fatigue, all of which have
Plagued me so much over these past several months as to
Have compelled my think tank to consult with a variety of doctors
As I’m still making rounds from one specialist to
Another (neurologist and ENT to name two) just
Imagine my surprise to hear my internist’s voice on
The phone calling to say that my blood test results are elevated
And my chest X-ray clarifies an active pneumonia residing
Within my chest though not so much as a wheeze had
Registered by way of her stethoscope during
My exam, and the fact that I’ve not been coughing
Suggests, yet again, that everything is not
As it seems at first glance, which is why, with this
Diagnosis verified, common sense is guiding me to slow
My daily pace, considerably, thus taking my fatigue more
Seriously than had been the case before becoming
Aware of my need for rest and and an intake of fluids to
Cycle in tandem with the compromised state of
My immune system, which will surely revitalize in time for
The child at play within my heart to eagerly enjoy
Costuming myself to trick or treat with
My grandchildren by the end of this month ... and
Now that a thorough physical exam, inclusive of
X-ray vision, has identified the little varmint that’s
Been secretly limiting my social interactions (because all
I've wanted to do for months is to be quiet and lie down)
Let's hope that my positive attitude will offer
This lengthy period of physical malaise sound reason to
Pass sooner rather than later, most especially since
I’ve come to employ the self assertive portion of
My voice as my own best advocate whenever
Something continues to hurt like hell but cannot be
Seen by the naked eye though a mysterious source of
Physical pain (that’s so confounding to my smarts as to
Weigh heavily upon my mind) has been causing
My spirit to flag at half mast for quite some time being that
No physician could convince me that though
My head and chest have been aching for
No found reason that does not mean sound reason for
Physical pain does not exist, and thus, with
Self respect guiding my think tank to consult with
One specialist after another until the thorough nature of
My annual exam verified conclusive proof of
Active I nfection playing hide and seek deep within me
We come to see that my patient persistence has been
Well spent tallying a detailed account of symptoms
(Though none of which brought pneumonia to mind)
And now that the telling results of my chest X-ray holds
The interest of physicians, who had dismissed the fact that
Both of my mysterious ailments have been relentlessly
Lodged within my head and chest, we have clearly
Revealed radiating pain, acting like a siren that's been
Clamoring for attention to announce the most prevalent
Symptoms of a malady not of my processor’s on-going
Stress (though undiagnosed pain is highly distressing) but
Rather of a persistent virus or bacteria or whatever messing
With one of my lungs, and in truth, I'll care not whether
My perceptions have been right or wrong, all along, as
Long as painful illness, which has held my well being
Hostage from fully enjoying social interactions, fades
Into the past, freeing my mind, body and spirit to
Frolic freely and clearly away from this lengthy time of
Undiagnosed physical distress toward feeling blessed to
Enjoy a rosy future with family and friends inclusive of
Snow birds soon to land neath the welcoming
Heartwarming presence of the desert’s winter sun!
As to my plan to swing away from
Life’s tricks toward life’s treats, which
Proves true of everyone, everywhere, now and then—
This lengthy experience of focusing
My concentration respectfully
Toward identifying a mysterious malady has
Proved quite a feat of emotional control, and
Once my head and chest feel free and clear of
Unremitting pain, you can depend upon
My storyteller taking centerstage, yet again
BTW—if daily life running interference with
Best laid plans frustrates your on-going need to
Ratchet up patience so as not to forsake me each time
My freedom to move my story forward stalls—
Let’s pause for a moment to imagine me awakening
Several times nightly before daylight dawns to
Make my way into our master bathroom in hopes that
Upon swallowing Tylenol or Excedrin or Advil, one or
The other will help to lessen the depths of pain, radiating
Throughout my upper body as though half of my whole is
Consumed within a migraine that threatens more than
Once a day to sink this captain’s ship; however since
This is the only ship I have to complete my on-going
Regatta through this last stage of my life
Guess whose spirit feels self inspired to keep my host of
Inner strengths afloat until my smarts can, once again, calm
Down my ire enough to refocus my attitude toward
Taking a leap of faith toward fully recovering my health from
Pneumonia, at long last, though I must admit that this
Nightly series of SOS alarms, which awakens me to
Night sweats that see me sitting up to throw off my tee shirt highlighting
My need to heal from inside out, proves naturally alarming to
Human endurance being that each next round of
Rough sea squalls arising in the dark has seen
My smile sag until, once again, the intuitive portion of
My processor emerges above each tidal wave of pain so as to
Remind me to consciously reconsider the merits of pointing
My emotional compass toward sound reason to set my sails
Upon sighting the safety of home port, if not straight ahead then
Hopefully soon, where I'll surely feel physically and spiritually
Fully healed, by and by, at which time I’ll know myself to be
Deeply blessed with good health at this late stage of life, yet
Again, and in this manner of mind over matter does
Your friend, Annie, stay sane whenever my elevated level of
Pain would otherwise unleash a build up of
Frustration enough to bite off every loved one's head who has been
Wringing his/her hands in vain while conspiring how best to sweep this
Ornery army of critters out of my body before my immune system has
Regained the vigorous momentum necessary to evict that which
Must be a virus, which laughs in the face of a Z-pak, which
Proved ineffectual based in the fact that an antibiotic rivals
A bacterial infection for dominance, and as I’m no better in fact
I feel worse, at least we can assume that an army of bacteria has not
Sneaked onto the battle field, so perhaps while resting, today
I'll regain some sense of peace, which had escaped me over
These past couple of weeks until my think tank reminded me to
Feel fortunate that my health has not been attacked from both flanks ...
And now, having offered myself a positively focused
Train of thought to soothe this stage of my recovery
I'm back to bed with a first rate historical novel authored from
The point of view of Elizabeth Hamilton, whose
Blessings and travails have been keeping me company for
Quite awhile as I'm on page 336 with more than 300 to go
And rather than signing off, today, as Annie, please note that
I'm feeling so much like—The Little Tug Boat that
(like a salmon, which is instinctively determined to
Make its way upstream but not by any stretch of
My imagination to die but rather to rest for a spell until
My processor’s angle of repose revitalizes my spirit with such
An abundance of good health as to ensure
My smile’s natural sparkling enjoyment of every day of
My life to the fullest extent of my heartfelt capacity!
Toot—Toot!
Tuesday, October 1, 2019
WITH THE APPROACH OF THE NEW YEAR, MAY THE FORCE BE WITHIN YOU AND ME!
Being that this week welcomes the high holy celebration of The Jewish New Year, I am wishing everyone throughout the expanse of our world a happy. healthy and peaceful adventure into the great unknown, which lays directly ahead of one and all, day in and day out.
And with the approach of Rosh Hashanah upon us, I’m actually wishing a happy. healthy and peaceful adventure into the great unknown to myself, as headaches, beginning last Oct., extending straight toward right now, continue to plague my mind so painfully that yesterday, I lost my ability to express words clearly, so when they tumbled out of my mouth in a garbled manner, Will wisked me into the car where we sped off to the neurological institute ... and thus, if days pass in which tension creating head pain runs interference with my think tanks’s connection to insight-ladened, intuitive trains of thought, please take note of this probability: Deeper truths, repressed during childhood, are likely blocked by tension from filtering through my wall of denial from within the subconscious portion of my mind, so if you sense that to be the case, now and then, please join me in mustering the courage and patience necessary to soothe my subconscious into communicating so openly with the conscious portion of my mind as to interconnect my innermost thoughts ever more freely (thus clearly) with yours ... and now, in order to rest my over taxed mind, I’ll end for today by wishing every kindhearted soul throughout our wide, wide world a happy, healthy, deeply peaceful year ahead in which, hopefully, new leadership at the helm will see trump packing up all of his baggage, which, along with the swamp that he and his cronies served to deepen and darken during his untempered administration, will actually be drained before public consumption is poisoned beyond healing, freeing every good soul, who has been thrashing around for so long in unrelieved frustration to stop fearing being destined to drown in the murky unwholesomeness of governmentally unsound lack of leadership ... Please God, with the New Year upon us, encourage a vast majority of voters to turn the intolerable nature of humankind’s endless greed around before the world as we’ve known it is blown up only to shatter and descend into the darkly tensed sink hole of no return based in the fact that governmental officials elected to represent ‘we the people’ have not mustered the courageous humility to pull their swollen think tanks out of the sand in time to preserve our nations’ strengths by conscientiously choosing to stand united against tyranny, at last ...
Hag s’meach!
Annie
And with the approach of Rosh Hashanah upon us, I’m actually wishing a happy. healthy and peaceful adventure into the great unknown to myself, as headaches, beginning last Oct., extending straight toward right now, continue to plague my mind so painfully that yesterday, I lost my ability to express words clearly, so when they tumbled out of my mouth in a garbled manner, Will wisked me into the car where we sped off to the neurological institute ... and thus, if days pass in which tension creating head pain runs interference with my think tanks’s connection to insight-ladened, intuitive trains of thought, please take note of this probability: Deeper truths, repressed during childhood, are likely blocked by tension from filtering through my wall of denial from within the subconscious portion of my mind, so if you sense that to be the case, now and then, please join me in mustering the courage and patience necessary to soothe my subconscious into communicating so openly with the conscious portion of my mind as to interconnect my innermost thoughts ever more freely (thus clearly) with yours ... and now, in order to rest my over taxed mind, I’ll end for today by wishing every kindhearted soul throughout our wide, wide world a happy, healthy, deeply peaceful year ahead in which, hopefully, new leadership at the helm will see trump packing up all of his baggage, which, along with the swamp that he and his cronies served to deepen and darken during his untempered administration, will actually be drained before public consumption is poisoned beyond healing, freeing every good soul, who has been thrashing around for so long in unrelieved frustration to stop fearing being destined to drown in the murky unwholesomeness of governmentally unsound lack of leadership ... Please God, with the New Year upon us, encourage a vast majority of voters to turn the intolerable nature of humankind’s endless greed around before the world as we’ve known it is blown up only to shatter and descend into the darkly tensed sink hole of no return based in the fact that governmental officials elected to represent ‘we the people’ have not mustered the courageous humility to pull their swollen think tanks out of the sand in time to preserve our nations’ strengths by conscientiously choosing to stand united against tyranny, at last ...
Hag s’meach!
Annie
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