Appreciate the bigger picture of my life, daily—Why?
So as to calm my retired fixer's frustration at
Being unable to 'fix' the frequency of
Another person's emotional outbursts, which prove
So out of sync with reality as to eventually get on my nerves for
This reason: A mind that proves utterly disorganized is certain to
Interfere, much too often, with the peaceful undertakings and
Simple pleasures of a group of people who have worked to gain
The insight necessary to enjoy life by harmonizing as a whole, and
As I cannot 'fix' this person, I have need to remind myself how
Patiently my think tank worked when my offspring were tots to create
The peaceful emotional environment that served everyone in
Our immediate family well, and with that achievement in mind do I
Plan to retain my gracious state of mind so as to focus primarily—not on
Platitudes but rather on positive attitudes that I've worked to
Absorb so as not to worsen any situation that's always been
Beyond my fixer's control to repair, and acknowledging
The frequency with which positivity continues to influence
My personal choices, I plan to refocus my strength of spirit toward
Rising up (most especially upon those occasions when
The outburst of another feels need to 'put me down') so as to
Calmly, clearly, patiently and respectfully choose my words with
Such attention to diplomacy as to free the most mature portion of
My mind to reply peaceably to any emotional outburst of another that
Is bound to arise during moments fraught with conflict when
I find myself personally prodded to defend myself on the spot from
A control freak, whose hunger for dominance is so blind to
The truth as to aim bullets emptied of common sense directly at
The most vulnerable portion of my heart at those rare times when
I, feeling need to debate a point or reply 'no' to a request watch
A control freak lower his/her horns and, like a raging bull in
A china shop, spew an excessive amount of fury at me due to
The fact that their bullish opinions or unmet needs fail to be
Received as commandments written in stone, and as long as
That person's closed-minded attitude remains blinds to
His/her lack of self-awareness, I'll remind myself to remember that
A bullish personality will have no clue that my heartfelt sense of
Compassion for their lack of insight has recently united with
My own self-respecting (thus empowering) awareness of
Intuition directing my self confidence to heighten so as to
Stand up to emotional explosions by listening astutely before
Offering up a detailed reply so factual in nature as to
Calm the bull from goring my best character traits, again and again, and
Now that this dynamic duo (self respect and intuition) has been
Consciously united within today's train of thought, I believe
My processor's insight-driven connection to common sense will
Ever more readily identify irrational imaginings associated with
Closed minded attitudes before remnants of my own deeply repressed
Fear-based negativity can emerge, swinging my balanced assessment of
The situation at hand toward absorbing the personal pain of others as
My own as had proved true in the past when I'd guilted myself of
Wrongdoing so quickly as to have silenced the self-assertive portion of
My voice as if granting ‘A Taker’ permission to prick my bubble of
Peacefulness, thus causing my ability to love generously, to collapse, unless
I'd capitulated to their desires (demands) on the spot and with that
Insight in mind, I feel a change for the better coming on in that
I'll fortify my invisible, protective bubble, which will continue to grow
Ever more flexible rather than impenetrable so as to provide me with
And insight-driven intuitive shield that knows when to stop
My defensive need to serve or strike back or burst into
Tears of distress based in the arousal of remnants of my own
Unresolved childhood fear of rejection, which, until recently, had
Felt need to call upon my Line of Control to quell anxiety whenever
I'd so much as dared to voice a dissenting opinion or express
Unmet needs of my own rather than smiling while cow-towing to
Needs expressed by a series of control freaks, who had taken
My generosity for granted due to the frequency with which
Their hungry demands had been fed by my subconsciously
Subservient attitude as well as the attitudes of others, who, like me
Proved much more apt to bend toward the strong willed nature of
Another in hopes of preserving a peaceful environment by way of
Appeasing the ballistic temperament of one who remains
Victim to explosive eruptions of repressed (unidentified) childhood pain
Whew!
And thus does today’s stream of consciousness (which
Took the conscious portion of my brain by surprise) suggest that
My power of intuition may be guiding my connection to
Self awareness toward freeing Me, Myself and I to
Wholly absorb the spiritually illuminating nature of today’s
String of insights, which, having emerged from deep within
My soul, is bound to be the first of many yet to come, and
I say that for this reason: Previous to the natural emergence of
Today’s intuitive train of thought, I'd never thought to
Embrace a positively focused change in my attitude while
A bull in a china shop had been actively goring
My most admirable character traits, suggesting that
I'd not charged myself with consciously maintaining
My personal connection to peace of mind under fire instead of
Feeling frustrated when challenged to face the unreasonable rages of
Another—AND—I’m happy to reveal that right from the start of
Today’s personal growth spurt, my soul has felt All gain! No pain!
Why? Because this brand new change for the better in
My attitude depends upon no one but me to free
My heart from feeling any inner conflict—at all! And—OMG!
If today’s attitude change-for-the-better frees all of me to
Wholly depend solely upon ME, MYSELF AND I to
Direct my think tank's reaction away from sliding
Head first into anxiety during head on collisions with control freaks then
All I need to do at first is to remind myself to perceive of
Each intrusion to my peace of mind as being a temporary interruption, and
With that insight in mind, no one will be empowered to disrupt
My connection to inner peace for this reason: Each time
My smart-hearted mind reminds my compassionate spirit to
Take a time out on the spot, my think tank's ability to remain calm
Will tune into my intuitive powers guiding my defense system to step to
One side so as to detour my think tank away from falling into the trap of
Reacting negatively to taunting rants that make no sense before
A power struggle gets under my skin, and once today's
String of insights has been absorbed into conscious memory
The irrational imaginings of another will be disempowered from
Provoking so much as a remnant of my own latent anxiety to
Spike whenever I choose to satisfy an unmet need of my own that
Proves to be highly unique—I mean, let’s face it—if at
Seventy-four years of age I still can’t convince ME, MYSELF and I to
Exist harmonically within my brain space then when? And with
Today's string of insights proving as profound as the one that's taking
Root within the richly cultivated garden of insights that color my mind rosy, let’s
Relax our minds by watching this current train of thought coasting into
A sunny rest station just in time to ready myself to drive to
The airport, feeling eager to greet my dear friend Katie who is flying in to
Grant herself a weekend basking in her sense of freedom to be so respectful of
Her innermost needs as to feel naturally peaceful while
Her heart, spirit and soul engage lovingly with mine, and as
I feel utterly free to be true to Me, Myself, and I while Katie and I
Are together, you can see how our treasured, one-on-one time continues to
Offer our friendship sound reason to feel mutually enriching (ever since
Barry brought Katie home during their sophomore year in high school), and
Though Katie had worried anxiously (once she'd moved to California) over
The fact that none of her family (who live in town) has
A clue of those rare occasions when my dear friend’s chooses to
Thoroughly enjoy one-on-one time with me—on the QT—we’ve both come to
Value intimate time together as worthy of being secreted from those who
Would otherwise feel rejected—unnecessarily—you see
Over these past 30 years Katie and I have come to cherish and
Encourage each other’s stepping stones toward personal growth spurts, knowing that
Each leap of faith feels as challenging as it ultimately proves spiritually liberating and
Thus do we cheer one another on as each of us continues to carve
A path upon which our personal sense of wellbeing grows
Ever more secure, and in this way have Katie and I grown to be
Kindred spirits, whose loving bond of friendship craves
Alone time, together, in which to converse on the same wave lengths, which
Suggests why our mutually respectful relationship continues to feel ever more
Soulfully blessed with the passage of time
PS. Today’s train of thought does not suggest that frustrations between us
Had not or will not arise—today’s train of thought surmises that
The soul-searching depths of Katie’s conscious quest for a sustained sense of
Wellness and happy contentment is based in her quest toward
Wholeness that compliments my own, explaining why she and I have
Achieved the ability to freely and good-naturedly brainstorm through
Conflict, together, ever more amicably than proves true when either of us
Confronts conflict with those who have not yet chosen to conscientiously take
Courageous steps toward accomplishing the mental work necessary to
Detour treasured friendships from experiencing pain-invoking
Head on collisions ending in separation based in the emergence of remnants of
One or the other's deeply repressed defensive fears—and I believe that
Today's train of thought, concerning my conscious decision to unite
Me, Myself and I during times when conflict resolution with another proves
Difficult will offer me a profoundly life changing gift, indeed!
Why? Well, once the sum of my whole has practiced drawing forth
A compassionate reaction during the irrational rants of another then
My processor will be likely to hold on to logic so as to reply with
No need to call forth my line of control to discipline
My defense system, because my defense system will feel no reason to
Be threatened by insults that do not describe my character, at all, and
As long as my defense system maintains its cool, no inner conflict
Will arise, and as long as inner conflict does not throw
My connection to wholeness off balance, the imaginative ravings of
Another will not be empowered to overwhelm
My heart’s connection to compassionate kindness, which is
The only emotional reaction that will maintain MY peace of mind
PSS
One more thing, as this additional insight just came to mind:
No matter how many control freaks our thinks tanks manage to
Calm down before a power struggle picks up steam
Another control freak will be around the corner, lying in wait to
To challenge our best character traits to another duel, which
Suggests why during moments fraught with conflict
I'll choose to sharpen my mind rather than my tongue in hopes of
Inspiring my voice to make love not war
Three kindred spirits: Ellie, Katie and Me circa 2003
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